Amanda ended the call abruptly and slammed the phone down on the bar. She was mortified. How could she just blurt something so serious out, so spontaneously? In the middle of a smoky bar, drunk off her ass. Embarrassed didn't even begin to describe what she felt. The blonde finished off another shot and paid her tab. Brooke, the bartender, was trying to reason and talk with the distressed detective but she wasn't having any of it. She exited the bar in a hurry. The crisp night air hit her face, as she inhaled deeply. Everything was blurry and unsteady. Nearly jumping out of her skin, when her phone vibrated in her pocket. It was Olivia. Amanda didn't want to talk but she knew that Liv would worry if she didn't answer.
Keep it together, Amanda. Just keep it togeth—I'm gonna be sick. This was not the conversation that she wanted to be having, totally wasted. The inebriated woman took one last breath before answering. "Hello?"
"Hey, what happened? I could barely hear you, then the line died. You alright?"
"Yeah, I'm fine. I'm fine, stupid call dropped or something."
"Or something? I couldn't hear at all. It was pretty loud on your end…" Olivia was fishing. Curious as to where the other woman was, at such a late hour.
"You couldn't hear anything?" Amanda took her turn to fish.
"No. The last thing I heard, was you yelling 'shut the hell up', then we got cut off."
Oh, thank God. Amanda was beyond relieved that Olivia didn't hear the outburst. "Oh, I wasn't saying that to you. Brooke wouldn't stop talking and I was trying—"
"Brooke?"
"Mmmhmm, Brooke not you…" there was silence on the other end. That's when it dawned on her, that Liv was asking a question. Blame it on the alcohol. "Brooke's the ba—ahem, waitress. She was my waitress. That's why it was uhm loud, earlier." It's kind of the truth. Ugh, I'm the worst.
The breaks in the story mixed with the slurred speech, told Olivia the truth. However, she was not going to push the issue or judge. Her reason for calling was to apologize and make sure that her partner was ok. So, that was the only thing on her agenda. No need to make things even more awkward.
"Oh, ok. Well, what I was trying to say earlier is, that it was wrong for me to just leave like that. I should've handled the situation differently. Hope you're not too mad at me."
"I'm not mad at you. I was worried and pissed at the situation but more importantly, I just wanted to be helpful. For whatever you needed." The blonde rested her head against the window of the cab she'd hailed. Teary eyed, emotional and vulnerable. "I've been thinking about you ever since the coffee shop. Like a lot. How are you?"
"You know what? I'm actually feeling, ok with everything. After my tantrum…" The self-deprecating humor was present in the brunette's voice at that statement before continuing. "I thought about it and it's the right decision. I can't be out on the street, anything less than one hundred percent. And it wasn't a shock that physically, I've been less than. You and I, already knew that truth. Even if you were too kind and didn't express it, verbally. I'm not one hundred percent. I can barely swim the length of the pool. Definitely struggled at holding the bag steady, during our last couple of workouts at the gym. So, I've come to terms with and accepted the decision. After all, we still get to walk in together, tomorrow as planned. Right?"
The tears were no longer at bay. A few stained her cheeks, as she attempted to normalize her voice. The emotion thick. "Right," was the only response, that she could verbalize.
Liv heard the sadness in that single word. Triggering emotions that'd been felt throughout her 'processing'. "I needed you today…" after a silent beat, she continued. "After leaving you earlier, I walked into my empty apartment. And I realized something. I don't like being alone anymore. I realized, that I don't need to be alone."
"You don't have to be," asserted Amanda. That was something that never wavered. Intoxicated or sober. She knew that for long as Olivia would allow, she'd be there. "I'm here, Liv." The brunette nodded in agreement but her lack of words left Amanda hanging. "Liv?"
"I'm nodding."
That put a smile on the blonde's face as she exited the cab, headed into her apartment. "I just walked into my sad, dull, empty apartment. Nope, not a fan."
Olivia laughed and agreed, "I know what you mean. Makes me miss the condo."
"Oh, my gosh yes. I don't think I'll ever stay anywhere that nice again in my life."
"I know." Silence followed the lighthearted trip down memory lane before Liv spoke again. "I'm here, too. For the good and the bad. I'm here and I can handle whatever. You know that, right?"
Silence.
"Amanda?"
"I'm nodding."
Liv smirked at 'her' words before changing the subject. "Big day tomorrow…"
The blonde sighed, "Yeah."
"Nervous?"
"Anxious. You?"
"Anxious sums it up, pretty much. A few nerves here or there."
"Yeah…"
"Now that I know you're not mad at me, I can relax now."
"Definitely not mad."
"Good. Try to get some sleep, ok."
"Deal. You do the same. Goodnight, Liv."
"Goodnight." Liv end the call and tossed her phone to the side, as she got comfortable in bed. Eyes fixed on the ceiling, mind at ease, she whispered into the void. "Think I love you, too."
The anticipated day was finally upon the detectives. The remainder of the night had gone without incident for both. Now it was time, to re-enter into the daily grind of the 1-6. No more time for nerves or uncertainty. It was time to walk into that squad room confident and strong. Letting your superiors and peers know that you still belong there. Like clockwork, both ladies met in the downstairs lobby at 7:45 sharp. Something they worked out via text earlier that morning. To literally, walk in together.
"Detective Benson."
"Detective Rollins, good morning."
"Morning."
"For you," Olivia extended the cup toward the other woman.
"Thank you," she took a sip, instantly regretting it. It took sheer determination to keep from spitting out the beverage. "What the hell is this?!"
Liv couldn't even pretend not to laugh at her partner's dramatics. "Oh, sorry. That must be my soy chai tea latte. Here, this is yours. Sorry about that."
"You totally did that on purpose."
"Hmmm? No clue what you're talking about…"
"No clue, huh? Riiigghhttt."
They kept up the silly banter throughout the elevator ride. They stopped walking, a few feet away from the squad room. A comfortable silence fell upon them as they both took a deep breath. It had been months since they'd been in the building. One last breath to rid, the last remaining pesky butterflies. They looked at each other, silently agreeing, in sync and on the same page. They entered the room leaving everything else at the door.
"Hey, look who's back?" greeted Nick as he made his way over to his partner.
"It's our favorite faux, Sapphic lovers."
Rollins rolled her eyes, she knew that was coming. Especially from Munch. She remembered how he teased them during their undercover ops.
"Shut up, Munch. Welcome back ladies," chimed in Fin.
"Yeah, welcome back. Hasn't been the same around here without you," agreed Amaro.
"Thanks, guys. It's good to be back," said Olivia.
"I second that."
"Welcome back, Detectives." Everyone turned to the sound of Captain Cragen's voice. A few indistinct cheers and whistles followed his words. After it died down, people scattered and went back to work. The Captain got Benson and Rollins' attention before they went to their desks, "Detectives, my office." They exchanged a curious look before following him into the office. He closed the door behind them and took a seat behind his desk. "Have a seat. Again, welcome back."
"Thanks, Captain."
"I called you in here to let you know that I'm going to have you both on modified duty for a while."
"But Captain—"
"This is not up for discussion. This is to help your transition back into the squad. Things have changed around here. We've got two new detectives with a lot to learn. Show them the ropes. They're your new temporary partners. Rollins you've got D'Antoni. Benson you've got Wright. When they have to hit the streets, they will be paired with Fin and Amaro. Any questions?"
Neither detective responded. They were trying to absorb everything that was just said. Cragen knew that he'd blindsided them. "Look, this is not a punishment. You just got through hell and this job is hard enough without anything else on top of it. You deserve to be here and I want you here. Just…take it slow."
"Yes, sir. Thanks Captain," said Rollins.
"Yes, thank you Captain."
"You're welcome. Now go and find your partners, Munch has the assignments." They were walking out the door when Cragen's voice stopped them. "One more thing. You both have been nominated for the NYPD Combat Cross. That's all."
The Combat Cross is the second highest departmental award for the NYPD. This came as a shock to the detectives. Medals or awards weren't on their radars. That night was about survival. To be honored for fighting for your life seemed strange but it was an incredible honor nonetheless.
"Holy shit," said Rollins in disbelief.
"Indeed."
They were shocked. The events of that night, was burned into their memory forever. The bad and the terrible. This news put a strange spin on things. Especially considering some of the things that happened that night. Things that aren't exactly award worthy. The women barely had a moment to take it in, before two zealous men bombarded them with introductions.
"Hey, Detective Rollins. I'm D'Antoni, Luca D'Antoni. Nice to finally meet you. Heard nothing but good things." The new detective was tall, athletically built, in his mid-thirties. Dark curly hair, brown eyes with a deep Italian accent. His presence came across very strong.
"Amanda Rollins. Nice to meet ya," she extended her hand out to her new partner.
"Woah, someone's accent is thicker than mines," joked D'Antoni. He was the only one out the four to actually laugh. "Nice to meet you as well, Detective Benson. You're like Mother Teresa around this friggin' place."
"Nice to meet you, D'Antoni," she smiled and shook his hand. Then turned her attention to the other man. "So, that means you must be Wright. Olivia Benson, welcome."
"Jesse Wright." The new detective shook Benson's hand. He seemed reserved, cold even. 6'3, fancy-tailored suit, low fade haircut. Looked as if he should be playing for the Knicks or Giants. Not investigating crimes,
"Ok… Guys will you excuse us for a second? I need to discuss something with Detective Rollins."
"Sure, no problem. Take your time, we'll be waiting." D'Antoni was still talking when they turned the corner, exiting the squad room.
Amanda checked to make sure they were alone in the restroom before she started talking. "Holy shit."
"I know. What the hell just happened?" asked the brunette as she paced back and forth.
"Desk duty, medal talk, annoying new partners. A lot happened. I don't know how to feel about the medal. I'm not so sure I deserve—"
"No. Don't even. Look, we can't get into this right now. We've got to get back out there. So, I'm going to cliff note it. We're not going to judge ourselves. It's an honor. Today is a good day. And, tonight…we're celebrating. Come on, let's go. Our 'partners' are waiting."
Later that night…
"No, it's not like that," laughed Olivia.
"Yes, it is. Munch is always making those types of comments about you," explained Amanda.
"He does it because he knows that it bothers you. Stop reacting and he'll cut it out. Well… maybe, you never know with Munch." She laughed again.
"Fine. I'll try to ignore him."
A brief silence occurred while Olivia wondered, how to ask the next question. "Have you, uhm…given any thought about if—nothing, never mind." She got up from the couch abruptly and took their dishes to the sink.
"Hey, what is it?" Amanda followed behind her.
"Nothing, it's nothing," still fidgeting with dishes, avoiding.
"Liv, look at me." The brunette obliged. "What were you going to say?"
"You won't freak out?"
"No," she took Liv's hand and led them back over to the couch. "Talk to me."
"I think Nick knows…about us. He is very observant. I brushed him off, though. You and I are still figuring things out and we haven't talked about work yet. How we'd want to handle it or whatever. What do you think?"
"Woah, ok…wasn't expecting that." Amanda took a breath, after being caught off guard. Giving herself time to really think about her answer. "First off, he's totally obsessed with you, that's why he noticed."
"Amanda—"
"Secondly, I think we should handle it like any other relationship. I didn't know anything about your personal life before because you kept it separate. It'd be different if we lived together or engaged or m—" she stopped abruptly. Without freaking out, she backtracked. "I didn't mean—"
"I know what you mean. And I totally agree with you. We're on the same page."
"Ok good."
"Now that's out of the way, can we get back to the part where you've got us married with 2.5 kids," laughed Olivia. Dodging pillows flying towards her head.
"Jerk."
"I'm sorry, I couldn't help it. You got so red, trying so hard not to freak out. It was pretty cute."
"Shut up." Amanda closed the small distance between them on the couch. A subtle smirk on her face as she placed a kiss on the brunette's lips. Chaste and sweet was how it began, before desire and exploration took over. Olivia tilted her head, taking control as well as deepening the kiss. Soft lips and tongues cascaded together deliciously, until lungs demanded air. Amanda opened her eyes. Finding the hottest pair of brown eyes blazing fire, deadlocked onto her.
"I should make fun of you more often if this is the punishment…" Olivia's assertion was said in a breathy, husk tone.
"Maybe you should." Amanda took a moment, just to appreciate the vision sitting beside her. Starting at eyes that made her swoon. Traveling to lips, she didn't think, she'd ever tire of kissing. Finally, landing on cleavage that filled her mind with complete lust. The blonde scooted to her side of the couch after her mind started to drift into the gutter.
"Uh, oh. I know that look. Don't freak out on me now."
"I'm not. Seriously, I'm not. It's just…"
"Yeah?"
"When you kiss me like that, it makes me think of things. Things that we haven't discussed yet…"
Olivia was relieved to know that instead of running away, Amanda was willing to talk about the next step in their relationship. "Well, as the saying goes. There's no time like the present."
Thanks for reading! Special shout out to sheepish123 for the advice! I appreciate it. I'm excited for the next chapter.