"I'm so embarrassed. I can't even look at her. I just, I can't even…"
"Why don't you just talk to her, Detective?" asked Dr. Huang. The good doctor was doing the lord's work, far as the distressed woman was concerned. Even though it was Saturday, he had agreed to see Amanda on such short notice. It sounded urgent and it was.
"And what the hell do you want me to say, huh? 'I'm so sorry for crying when you made me come?! My bad?' She's never going to look at me the same again…"
Dr. Huang wasn't easily rattled. He'd seen or heard just about everything imaginable. However, he had to work extremely hard to keep his face neutral. He didn't expect the blonde to be so…blunt about what had transpired between the women. It also didn't help that he was a visual person. The images. Oh, the images. While he was trying to steer clear of certain visuals, Amanda was still talking, a mile a minute. More so to herself, than to the doctor.
"…And I'm not complaining at all, trust me. But I mean, it was her idea to do that position. She told me to sit but I didn't expect all of that to happen. Probably, the best orgasm of my life and then boom! Everything just came crashing down all at once. I just don't want her to think that I'm going to cry every time I come. God, I bet she thinks that I'm a freakin' basket-case. She's probably not even going to want to touch me again. I mean, who the hell cries during sex? Especially good sex?! Ugghhh. A person who probably won't be having sex again for a long time, that's who." The distraught detective dropped her head into her hands. Rant over.
Wow, wow, wow! She really took it there. Huang was so grateful that the blonde wasn't looking at him. Because there was no way that she would've missed his obvious discomfort. It had gotten awkward as all hell, to say the least. All of the words and none of them, could successfully describe the sheer panic that raced through the detective's body. When she realized that she'd just said all of that to Dr. freakin' Huang. Amanda shot straight up, from her seated position on the couch.
"Oh, shit. I-I've got to get the hell out of here—"
"No, Amanda don't go. Sit back down, please."
Yes, things had gotten a little uncomfortable. Hearing the explicit details of his friend's sex life, definitely wasn't how he wanted to spend his Saturday. But he agreed to hear her out and wanted to help, in any way that he could. He was a professional and could bare some awkwardness to help out a friend, who was in need. The doctor cleared his throat and tried to regain control of the unorthodox session.
"So, after your uh, unfortunate emotional breakdown during climax—"
"Oh my god, stop talking! No, no, no. Please, just don't even—"
"What happened next?" asked Huang. While completely ignoring the detective's, and his, obvious discomfort. Amanda fiddled with her fingers. Was she really going to talk about this with Dr. Huang? She just couldn't bring herself to speak. So, she took a moment to replay what happened after she broke down. Her eyes involuntarily filled with unshed tears. Huang knew Olivia well enough, to have a pretty solid clue about what happened next. And when Rollins' silence turned into, overwhelming emotion. He knew that what he thought transpired next was spot on.
"She comforted you." It wasn't a question. It was stated in a matter-of-fact manner and it was completely accurate. "She made you feel safe and secure. Amanda, I've known Olivia for a long time now and I might be overstepping here but I'd say we're past that…" The line between professional and personal had been crossed for some time. So, the doc spoke freely. "I know, she cares very deeply for you and it's going to take more than climax-tears, to change that or make her run."
Climax-tears?! He's made up a name for it?! The blonde was dying a million slow deaths internally. She was somewhere far beyond embarrassment. However, there was no denying him being correct about the entire situation. He was right and deep down, she already knew that Olivia wouldn't be anything less than 'Olivia' towards her, about the extremely humiliating moment. Yet, it still took hearing it from someone else, for it to really sink in.
"You're right. I know that. It's just… ugh every time I think about it, I get sick to my stomach. Like seriously, physically ill. It's to the point where I feel like I might hurl, pass out or both."
The doctor couldn't help the smile that graced his delicate features, at the detective's descriptive explanation. His like for Amanda increased, the more he talked with her. "I'm sure you're going to be just fine, Detective but you have to talk to her. Avoiding her, is just prolonging the inevitable."
"Can you just tell her everything instead and text me how it went later?" Half-joked, half-seriously asked Rollins.
"Detective…"
"Hey, nothing fails but a try, right? Thanks for nothing, Doc."
Huang took her teasing as a good sign that she was feeling better than she was before arriving. "Friends call me, George. And after today, I'd say we're definitely friends."
Amanda chuckled, thinking about everything they'd discussed, in the last hour. "Oh yes, definitely friends. Thank you, George."
"You're welcome, Amanda."
The detective stood to leave. It would be a lie to say that she felt completely resolved but she certainly felt better now, then when she first arrived. Before barely getting out of Huang's office, she reached for her phone to call Olivia. Running out of her own apartment, while her partner was still sleeping, wasn't one of her best moments. It was wrong on so many levels but seemed practical in the moment. The embarrassment had been overwhelming and she just reacted. The guilt was already eating her alive but after the impromptu session with Huang, she felt even worse about her rash decision. The phone rang and Olivia answered on the first ring but didn't speak.
"Liv, you there?"
"Yes, I'm here."
Amanda whipped her head around and saw Olivia sitting in the empty waiting area of Huang's office.
"H-how did you know I was here?" asked the baffled woman.
The brunette stood and shrugged nonchalantly, "Lucky guess…"
"I'm so sorry about last night. I cried and just completely ruined—"
"Wait. Last night? That's why you're apologizing?"
"Well, yeah. I—"
Olivia grabbed Amanda's hand and without warning, marched them into Huang's office.
What the hell? "Uh, Olivia hi? Amanda? What's going on?"
"Sorry to barge in like this, Doc but we need a minute."
"W-we do? Both of us, together? With Huang?"
"Yes," said Olivia with certainty. "I have something to say and I need you to hear it, both of you. Sit."
Oh my… Amanda's face turned bright red. That three-lettered-little word, took her back to the previous night. To the moments of sheer bliss, before it all came tumbling down. Literally.
"What's on your mind, Detective?" Huang was trying to keep some sort of decorum but he knew it wouldn't last long. Especially given the fact that, the blonde's oh so descriptive visuals were still fresh on his mind.
"First of all, Amanda, I'm glad that you're ok. You know, given the fact that you left me alone, naked and worried in your bed."
And here we go...Decorum, gone.
"Liv, I'm—"
"And I know last night was traumatic for you," continued Olivia, interrupting Amanda. "But you cannot continue to run away from me!"
Both, Huang and Amanda were taken aback by the brunette's tone. She didn't even notice their shock, as she continued to express herself. "I'm doing everything I know, to show you how much I love you but it's clearly not working. You wanted to apologize for last night and that's not what you should be sorry for!"
George had to intervene, to calm things down. "Okay, okay. Olivia, take a breath."
"Oh, we're way past taking a breath, George." Dismissed. The angry detective, then turned her attention to Amanda. "Last night was out of your control. I know that but this morning you had a choice and you chose to run, again."
"I'm sorry—"
"Did you even stop to think about how last night affected me before you just took off?"
Silence.
"You cried. After sex with me. And I'm not naïve. I know there was something more going on with you but I felt like a monster after that happened. A monster. Like I had taken advant—"
"Don't you dare think that, Olivia! You know that's not how I feel. Everything that happened, everything, I wanted to happen. I wanted you. You did nothing wrong."
"How would I have known that? I didn't know what to think. Because when I woke up, you were gone!"
"All right, enough!" interrupted Huang. That uncharacteristic outburst, both shocked and silenced the two detectives. He had their undivided attention. "You two barge in here for help and neither of you want to listen. Not to me or each other. Amanda, you should be sorry for running away this morning, not about last night's 'climax-tears'."
What the hell? Climax-tears? He has a name for it? Olivia shot her partner a 'wtf' look? Amanda simply shrugged, in a 'I know right?' sort of fashion. Yes, Olivia figured that her partner had told Huang, about what happened the night before. But she didn't expect, for him to already have a name ready for their peculiar situation.
"And Olivia, you can't keep suppressing the things that bother you, until you're completely fed up and ready to explode. Just talk and listen to each other, please." George was over their bs. "Liv, you go first."
The brunette took the doctor's advice and spoke her truth. "I want to be with you, Amanda. I'm here for you. Through the good, bad, awful, whatever but I can't keep going on like this…"
Amanda's jawline twitched with tension. Her stomach dropped and panic filled her gut. "Ok, so wh-what are you saying here, Liv?"
"I'm saying that I can't keep doing this, like this. If we're going to be together, then we're together. No matter what. Ups, downs, awkwardness, 'climax tears'," Olivia used Huang's newly patented phrase, to make her point. "Whatever. I just can't deal with this constant, one step forward and five steps back bs!"
Olivia took a breath to calm herself. Everything was coming out much harsher than she wanted. Amanda could feel her partner's frustration in her soul and was terrified of what she was going to say next. That's when everything blacked out around the blonde, as Olivia dropped a bomb.
"I think we should take a break…"
I cut this chapter in half. The wait won't be long for the next update, half of it is already written. Thanks for reading.