"I think we should take a break…"

Olivia heard the words coming out her mouth and instantly wanted to take them back. "I didn't mean that."

Amanda was silent for a while. She hadn't heard anything after the suggestion for a break. Her brain was working overtime, trying to process what was happening. "So, you're dumping me?"

"No, I'm not—"

"No? It sure the hell sounds like it. You said that you want to take a break. What is it? You need a break, far the hell away from me and my craziness, huh?"

"Amanda, I don't think that's what's happening here," inserted Dr. Huang. He knew that things were headed downhill, quickly. "Olivia's just—"

"Fucking dumping me."

"Stop saying that! I'm not dumping you and I don't want a break from you," exclaimed Olivia.

"Well, what the hell do you want?!"

"You!"

"Ladies, please."

The detectives stopped when their doctor intervened. Meanwhile, Huang was wondering how in the hell, had he turned into a couple's counselor. Sure, he'd been there with them since the very beginning. Back when they barely even spoke to each other, let alone anything else. He'd been there every step of the way, advising, listening and helping them navigate from pretending to reality. Even though he might not have liked his new 'title', not helping wasn't an option.

"Since I'm playing the role of a couple's counselor, allow me to do my job, please. It's very clear and obvious to me that you two want to be together, but you don't know how."

"What does that even mean?" asked an annoyed Rollins.

"It means, that you can love deeply and passionately with your feelings and yet not know how to express it with your actions," explained George.

"I don't think that applies here," dismissed Amanda.

"I think it does," challenged Olivia.

"So, what are you saying here, Liv? I don't show you that I care? Is that what you're saying?"

"Hold on, Detective. Let's hear her out, continue…"

Eyeroll.

"No, I'm not saying that exactly. I'm just—it's like, I know how you feel about me. I do and when things are good they're so good, babe. They really are but at the first sight of trouble or difficulty, there's a disconnect and I'm guilty of it too."

The brunette wanted to be transparent and didn't want her partner to feel like she was only pointing out her flaws but also looking within herself. Amanda couldn't deny the truth smacking her dead in the face. Nor could she deny her woman, who was trying so desperately, to fix what had been broken. So, she put her pride and anger aside, to put what she felt into action. Ok, maybe Huang has a point. Whatever.

"I don't know why it's so hard for me but it is. I never want to run away from you. You're the only one, who makes me feel safe and secure," she paused after that statement. Baring her soul wasn't something that came easy to her. It also didn't help that she could feel those intense brown eyes, locked onto her every move. Not that it was a bad thing, but it still took some adjusting. Being on the receiving end of 'The Look™' and all. After some subtle squirming, she continued. "I-I guess, I run so you won't see how fucked up I really am and be done with me for good…"

Olivia's heart broke for her partner. How could she still feel so unworthy? Undeserving of happiness? It was truly baffling to the detective. She slid closer to Amanda and spoke softly, "You've got to stop thinking like that and give me more credit, please. I know you're not perfect and neither am I. I don't want perfect. I want this," Olivia placed her hand over Amanda's heart. "I want you. And a fucked-up past won't change that or my feelings for you. I misspoke earlier and I'm sorry. I don't want a break. I just want you to figure out, what you want. Maybe a relationship is too much for you right now. You might just need me as a friend. I don't know but what I do know is that, we can't keep going on like how it is now. It's not working for me…"

The sad, ugly truth was finally out in the open. It wasn't easy for Olivia to say it out loud, let alone admit it to herself. As much as she wanted things to work, she feared that maybe there were just too many obstacles in their way. It was a difficult realization but Olivia had decided that they need to be all in or nothing at all. Huang was observing everything, taking notes and watching for different body language cues. He'd picked up on a number of things and the now silent room, allowed him an opportunity to share.

"If I can interject here, both of you brought up some specific points, I'd like to elaborate on." Neither woman said a word, so he decided that was a green light for him to continue. "Both of you said something interesting that I want to discuss. Amanda, you said that you're scared that your issues will drive Olivia away for good. Olivia, you're basically saying that you don't want to be ran away from. Both of you want the same thing. All you have to do is figure out a way to navigate through the issues, that are keeping you from getting what you want. I want to try something, an exercise if you will…"

Silence. It's not like I'm having any fun here either, ladies.

Huang was about to say something else but Amanda spoke up. "Patton's the reason why my brother is dead."

Huang was completely lost. He had no idea that Amanda even had a brother or what she was referring to. He looked over at the other woman, and quickly realized they were having a moment. Like a good couples' counselor, he let the moment unfold naturally and didn't interrupt. Olivia's face was shocked and confused but she remained silent as well, hoping her partner would finish.

"Josh." Just saying his name, filled the detective with so many emotions. "He was my everything. The father-figure I never had, my protector, confidant and best friend. He died trying to protect me. Patton's a typical good-ole boy. Misogynistic, charming, entitled and not used to hearing no. Well one night, my squad and I were out drinking, having a good time. It was late and all of sudden Patton shows up, clearly drunk off his ass. When I went to the restroom, he cornered me on my way out. He just wouldn't take no for an answer. He kept trying to touch and kiss me. So, I kneed him in the balls and got the hell out of there. I didn't think anything else of it. The next day there was a rumor going around, about how I banged him to make rank and was open for whoever else wanted it."

"Son of a bitch." The ladies whipped their heads in Huang's direction, at the uncharacteristic outburst. I think, they're rubbing off on me. "Ahem, sorry. Please continue Amanda…"

"Gossip traveled like wildfire back home. Everything that went down, got back to Josh. He knew it was bs but he was still pissed. He called me and I was very upset. I was irate, beside myself. Going on about how hard I'd worked to be taken seriously, just to be reduced down to a slut. Who, slept her way to success. That triggered him because he knew and saw my struggle first hand. That's when he decided to go and teach Patton a lesson. I tried to stop him but he wouldn't hear it. He was determined to confront Patton at his shady hangout spot but—" Amanda had to stop. Even though it had been almost three years since Josh's death, the wound was still fresh. It was also her first time, telling the story of her brother's death, to anyone outside of her family.

Olivia saw her partner struggling emotionally and internally. On whether or not to continue with the story. Liv took her hand and tried to offer some comfort. "Hey, you don't have to say anymore, if you don't want to."

Amanda forced a weak smile, as she fought back tears. "I want to tell you. It's just…" she squeezed Olivia's hand. "It's just really hard because I miss him so fucking much, ya know?"

"Yes, I do. I love when you talk about him. All of the wild stories. And crazy trouble you two would get into. Wish I could've met him."

"Oh man, he would've loved you." Amanda smiled at that thought, as her eyes watered. She got serious and looked her partner in the eye. "He, uh—he never made it to Patton's that night." That's when the tears finally streamed down her face but she didn't allow herself to completely break down. She wanted to get it all out. "He swerved to avoid a deer, ended up hydroplaning into a tree. It was instant."

"Oh honey, I'm so sorry." Olivia wrapped her arms around the blonde. Wishing she could take away all of her pain. Not having the right words to say. Words fail. They remained in the other's arms, for a while.

"And I know, I do," began Amanda. "Like logically, I know that it was an accident but I feel so responsible." More tears fell. Every time she thought about Josh, she wished their last phone call would've gone differently. How she'd give anything to say 'I love you' one last time, instead of adding more fuel to the fire. That call would forever haunt her.

"Amanda, you've got to give in to logic or that guilt will eat you alive," said Huang. All of the pieces were finally beginning to fit, for the doctor. "It was a terrible, unfortunate, unfair accident. With zero fault of your own."

"Ze-ro." Reaffirmed Olivia. "It's awful what happened with Josh, awful. Now, I totally get why you freaked and ran when you saw that asshole."

Amanda looked over at her partner, relieved that she understood her actions. "When I saw that bastard at the ceremony, I just couldn't deal. It was too much. Then last night, the 'climax-tears' I'm fucking spiraling!"

The panic and fear were louder than the rage in her partner's words. The only thing Olivia wanted to do, was be there. "Let me help. Let me in…"

"I really want to, I do. Sometimes, I just don't know how. I'm a natural runner, it's how I'm wired babe. I left Georgia the day after they put my brother in the ground and haven't looked back. It's my natural instinct." Amanda was owning her truth, laying it all on the line.

Huang was surprised by the sudden turn of events and inserted his suggestion. "Olivia, Amanda is telling you exactly who she is. I think you should tell her, who you are."

The brunette shot the doctor and annoyed expression. He held his ground because he knew, Olivia needed to leverage with Amanda also. "I-uh, everyone I love abandons me. Everyone. And I'd rather die alone than to have another person abandon me, without any sort of goodbye or closure. I know when you run it's not about me but with my fucked-up history, I'm insecure and assume that it is about me."

Fucking finally! Huang was internally relieved (and over the bs?). After all of the back and forth, everything was out in the open. He reiterated their situation and left them with one last question, just like a good 'couple's counselor' would. "All of the cards, are now on the table. Olivia you're dating a person whose natural instinct is to run away, when things get tough. Amanda you're dating someone with abandonment issues, who can't deal with being ran away from. The question is: Can your love for each other, conquer all of your excess baggage?"

The women looked at each other. Huang's breakdown of their situation was spot on. No matter how they felt about each other, their biggest hang-ups were difficult to just ignore. The silence remained. Both nervous with the other's answer to their doctor's question.

Fuck it. "Look, I can't promise not to run again. I can't. But I do know, I'm tired of running. And I can't think of another person who'd make me want to stay put besides you. I'm all in…" Amanda used their three little words, that had been burned into her brain. After they'd decided to make things official. "Are you?"

Thanks for reading.