Months later…
"We're going to be late if we don't leave right now," bellowed an anxious Olivia.
"I know, I know. I can't find my lucky Hawks beanie," replied Amanda.
"Really? We're going to miss our reservation, all because you can't find a terrible team's tacky hat?" The annoyance was present in the brunette's tone.
"It's not tacky. But uh, that Knicks scarf of yours, is another story…"
"Hey—"
"I'm ready," interrupted Amanda. Putting a stop to the inevitable rebuttal.
"Wow, you look great."
"Thank you. And I can say the same. You look amazing."
Amanda was wearing a dark green, sleeveless jumpsuit. While Olivia rocked black, leather skinny legs, paired with a grey, fitted graphic, V-neck tee, with 'love' written in various fonts. Black leather jacket in hand, as she helped the blonde into her own stylish, tan, waterfall coat. Date night was officially about to begin. The women had been trying to get things back on track, since their awkward breakthrough, therapy session with Dr. Huang, weeks ago. A hot case had landed at the 1-6, consuming most of the detectives' free time. So, with everything going on, they hadn't seen very much of the other outside of work. It had been a little over four weeks since that impromptu session with Huang.
"I'm all in... Are you?" Amanda's stomach filled with nerves at the thought of Olivia saying no. The brunette didn't leave her in suspense for long.
"Of course, I'm all in. But…"
"Uh, oh." The blonde was back on high alert.
"Just like you can't promise not to run again, I can't promise that I'll always be here waiting for you to come back. I can't live like that. If we're together, then we're together."
Even though that terrified the blonde, she knew that she couldn't expect for Olivia to always wait for her to get it together. It wasn't fair. And a part of herself already felt lucky that Olivia had been so patient with her thus far.
"I think both of you have expressed what you need from the other very well," explained Huang. "Now that you have your expectations out in the open, there shouldn't be any more confusion. All right, well, this has been—"
"Uncomfortable, embarrassing, humiliating, awkward, the absolute worst," interrupted Amanda.
Huang and Olivia laughed. She wasn't wrong but Huang would never say such a thing. After the laughter ceased, Liv addressed their 'therapist', "Thanks, George. I really appreciate you doing this for us."
"Yes, thank you. There's absolutely no one else I'd talk 'climax-tears' with besides you."
"Ok and on that note, we're out of here. Let's go, woman."
George laughed and watched as his friends left. Typically, he didn't get overly involved but he was totally intertwined and invested into the female detectives' relationship. He wanted them to make it. Even if the odds seemed stacked against them. The good doctor hoped for the best and wished them much success.
"So, are you going to tell me where we're going?" asked Amanda.
"You'll know soon enough," said Olivia.
"Somewhere we'll be able to watch the game, right?"
"Yes. Enough with the questions, woman. Let's go."
"You know, I like this bossy side of you. I don't even mind you calling me 'woman'. Kind of hot."
Olivia rolled her eyes and smiled, "Shut up."
"Speaking of being a boss, when are you taking the Sergeant's exam? You know Dodds isn't going to stop bugging you about it until you take the test. What's the deal?"
"Why do you think there's a deal?"
"One, you're answering my question with a question. Two, you were kind of excited about it at first and now you never mention it anymore. Tell me…"
Olivia knew that she wouldn't be able to keep her reasoning a secret from Amanda long. However, now really wasn't the best time or place. Especially given the fact, that they were currently in the back seat of a twenty-something's Lyft. She didn't want to lie nor did she want to ruin the evening.
"We can talk about all of that tomorrow. Let's worry about tomorrow, tomorrow and enjoy tonight, tonight. Alright?"
"Smooooooth," interjected the eavesdropping driver, with a huge smile on his face. The smile quickly faded when he was met with two sets of expressive eyes in the rearview mirror. "S-sorry," stammered the young man as he turned the radio up, after being silently chastised. Ten minutes later, in awkward silence, they arrived at their destination.
Amanda's red flag had gone up after Liv's statement but she agreed to leave it alone for the night and locked it away for a more appropriate time. All of her questions and concerns faded away when she realized where their Lyft had stopped. "Oh, my goodness! This is where we're going? You did not! W-when did you, how did you?"
"What? You said you wanted to watch the game," shrugged Olivia in a no-big-deal type of way, knowing very well that it was a very big deal.
"Funny, you're a funny lady."
Olivia laughed, "I got the tickets last month. I know it hasn't been smooth sailing lately…" she paused for a moment to let that sink in. Both knew things had been a tad off kilter for a while. "I've been a little distant and not myself lately—anyway," Liv stopped herself from opening that can of worms. "I wanted to surprise you."
"Well, I'm definitely surprised…" Amanda stood there for a while just staring at the gorgeous brunette in front of her. Yes, things had been rocky and Olivia had been a little detached but she couldn't imagine the alternative. It still amazed her at times, how lucky she'd gotten. "I don't know what I did to deserve you. You're just too good to me."
"Not possible. When are you going to realize that your happiness is everything to me?"
The blonde shook her head, still in disbelief of it all. "I just—I love you so goddamn much."
"I love you." Olivia closed the distance between them. Then gently grasped the back of Amanda's neck, tilting her head up so that they were eye to eye. "I love you, Amanda. So goddamn much." The brunette's eyes didn't stray, after reaffirming her love. With caution to the wind, Liv proceeded to pour every ounce of her being into an all-consuming kiss. The most perfect scenery surrounded them, as they stood on the steps of Madison Square Garden, surrounded by thousands of fans rushing into the building. The partners were completely entranced, unaware of anything except each other.
After finally breaking for air, there was something behind the brunette's dark eyes and mischievous expression. And Amanda had a pretty good idea what it was. The two hadn't been intimate since the unfortunate 'climax-tears' situation. Not for a lack of desire, on either of their part but other issues were left hanging between them. Things were just awkward. Neither knew how to approach the situation, so they'd been avoiding it. Talking about that night would just rehash that horrible moment and that didn't seem worth it to either of them.
"I've missed that look…"
Olivia blushed. It was something about her partner's tone and the inevitable discussion they were about to have. Her arms were wrapped around Amanda's waist, gently stroking the small of her back, when she asked a rhetorical question. "Oh yeah? And what look is that?"
"The look that makes me want to take you home, take off all of your clothes and do dirty, dirty things to you…" She went in for a more passionate kiss, catching the brunette off guard. Tongues and hands were everywhere before their setting put things to halt.
"Ok, ok," said Olivia ending the kiss before it got completely out of hand. "Babe, if you keep that up, we're going to miss the game. And I've already cashed in a pretty big I.O.U. just to see the look on your gorgeous face, when the Knicks destroy your beloved Hawks."
Amanda smiled before she kissed the brunette one last time. "Shut up."
When they entered the legendary arena, the atmosphere was buzzing with wild fandom energy. Drunken fans, basketball diehards and overzealous kids, filled the massive area. Olivia fit right in with the crowd, sporting her large Knicks scarf, New Yorker pride and confident swagger. Amanda on the other hand, stood out like a sore thumb and it didn't bother her one bit. She paraded around the arena with the visiting teams' logo perched on her beanie. Every dirty look she received, boosted her confidence even more. The southerner made it her business to high-five every single Hawks' fan she came across, considering the rarity of actually running into a Hawks fan at the Garden.
"You're enjoying this entirely too much," said Olivia.
"Damn right, I am. I'm at the freakin' Madison Square Garden! My team's about to kill it and I'm pissing off Knicks' fans left and right. Life's pretty good right now."
"You're ridiculous but I think life's bout to get even better for you when you see where we're sitting…" Olivia flashed two tickets in her partner's face before handing them over to her.
"No way! Courtside?! How?!"
"I know the Knicks' team doctor, Grant. Met him a few years ago after his teenage daughter ran away. Found her, been mentoring her ever since. Since then, she's completely turned things around and is about to begin her freshman year of college. Basically, Grant and his wife think I walk on water," shrugged the incomparable detective.
"I think they're on to something. I'm going to try and keep my cool but if we're sitting next to Spike Lee, I might lose it and probably flip him off too."
Olivia laughed because she knew that Amanda wasn't kidding. "Hopefully he's away making his next big box-office hit, so you won't get us kicked out for provoking him. Come on, let's go." The evening started off great and Olivia was relieved to see everything going so well. They needed a night to reconnect and seemingly they were on their way. Uncomplicated fun, mindless entertainment and just overall togetherness, was needed and they were in the perfect place to accomplish all three.
One last second shot, two intense overtimes, three thrilling hours and the game was finally over. Thousands of fans were still riding the wave of the exhilarating game they'd just witnessed. The detectives weren't exempt from the energy floating in the air.
"How about those Knicks, baby?!" Olivia couldn't contain her snark and boasting, after her team triumphed over her over-confident partner's Hawks.
"Lucky freakin' buzzer-beater!"
"Oh, come on. Don't be a sore loser, sweetheart. It's very unbecoming," Olivia almost burst into laughter, at the look Amanda threw her way.
"You're lucky you're hot because your gloating is 'very unbecoming'," Amanda channeled her best Olivia Benson impression for the last part of the sentence. The delivery and tone caused the brunette to finally release the laugh she'd been holding in. The blonde laughed too and thanked her girlfriend again, loss aside. "Even though my boys lost, it was a really good game and I had a great time. So, thank you again for making this happen. You're the best. I plan to thank you more thoroughly later…" Amanda let that linger before entering the Lyft.
Olivia hesitated before she got into the vehicle. She knew exactly what her partner had in mind. While she wanted the same thing, on the other hand, she was extremely trepidatious. The last time of their intimacy was still fresh on her brain, and it put a cold blanket over the desire. Amanda noticed Liv's silence and the look on her face that followed her plans for later that night.
"Uh, not to be cocky but I thought that would get a more uh, I don't know, a more excited response from you. You're kind of taking a hose to my fire, if you get my drift…"
Olivia was used to her girlfriend's bluntness but it still caught her off guard at times. She didn't want to say the wrong thing but she did need to address how she felt. Hopefully, without making things worse, after such a great evening. "I'm not trying to take a hose to your fire. Weird expression by the way but moving on," Amanda had an amusing smile on her face, while Liv continued to speak. "I'm just a little nervous, I guess."
Amanda knitted her brow in confusion, "Uh, no offense but it's not like you're some untouched virgin. I kind of been there and done that, many, many times…" That last statement made the Lyft driver laugh aloud, while the brunette blanched.
"Hey!" Olivia snapped at the driver, "Do you mind?"
"So sorry," he averted his eyes from the rearview mirror back to the road.
"And you," Amanda raised her hands in surrender before her inevitable berating. "You seem to have forgotten the last time you 'done that', ended with you in 'climax-tears'."
"Damn!" The Lyft driver nearly choked on his soda at the mention of 'climax-tears', "Oh, s-sorry."
"Whatever, you can pull over. We're here," said an irritated Amanda. "Boundaries dude, get some."
That incident was embarrassing enough, one she'd tried to forget, without other people chiming in. Amanda was mortified but also a little hurt that Liv hadn't discussed her concerns. All of the excuses and reasons why they hadn't been intimate were beginning to make sense to the young detective. After they made it up to her apartment, she knew avoidance wasn't the way to continue dealing with the situation.
"I, uh, I thought after we talked with Huang, everything was all good with us." Amanda spoke in a tentative tone, fearing her partner's response.
"We were good, we are good. It's just…I don't know. I guess I'm just a little, scared..."
"Of what? It was a one-time thing and we've talked about it and I'm fine."
"Yeah, for now." Olivia said that a little too matter-of-factly for her partner's liking.
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"
"I don't want to fight, alright?" Olivia removed her coat and tossed it on the couch.
"We're not fighting. I just want to know what that is supposed to mean."
"Come over here and sit with me for a second." Amanda didn't like the turn in conversation but she complied and sat beside the brunette. "What I was trying to say is that you were fine before last time too, until you weren't fine. I just don't want to trigger you in any way."
"You could never trigger me. And to be honest, I knew I wasn't fine the last time before we even got started. I was a wreck and on the edge of a breakdown beforehand. Look at me," Amanda grazed the right-side of Olivia's face before continuing. "I promise you, I'm good. And I want to show you just how good I am…"
Amanda rose to her feet with more confidence than she felt. She was determined to get to what she wanted to show Olivia. After a quick walk to the bedroom and back, she reappeared with a medium sized box in her hands. Sometimes talking was overrated and instead of over talking every single thing, she took a chance. The blonde placed the box between them on the couch.
"What's all this?" asked Olivia with an intrigued look on her face.
"Just open it."
The brunette did as commanded and her eyes doubled in size when she viewed the contents inside the box. A sly smirk was dancing on her lips as she picked up a few items and raised a perfectly arched eyebrow at Amanda. The blonde was flushed and shy but determined to stand by her plans for that night, which included using several of the items inside the box. The silence was becoming overwhelming.
"Too much?"
Olivia placed the items back inside the box and looked her partner directly in the eye, "I told you a long time ago. I'm all in…"
Yep, I know but thanks for sticking with me anyway. Thanks for reading.