Love. A small, one syllable word with varying definitions depending on the definer. Love is beautiful. Love is complex. Love is selfless. Love is trash. Love is kind. Love is pain. Love is euphoria. Love is love. Ahh love, sweet, magical, toxic, maddening, blissful, all-consuming, patient, painful, crazy, stupid, love. The most perfect example of an oxymoron that ever existed. In addition to its various definitions, love also just happened to be the current entity slowly unraveling Amanda Rollins, driving her absolutely insane.

Love, more specifically being in love, didn't come naturally or easy for the southerner. An unstable childhood, surrounded by domestic violence, made it extremely difficult to believe in true love. Especially, the fairytale bs typically portrayed on screen or in books. She didn't buy it and her dating history proved as much. One high school boyfriend, a fair share of drunken one-night stands and casual hook-ups pretty much summed it up. Getting too close or being dependent on someone else was never an option. Then came Olivia Benson. To be fair, it certainly wasn't love at first sight. No. Not your typical meet cute, tropey, rom-com, whirlwind romance whatsoever. Contentious co-workers, thrust together unexpectedly for some airtight pretending of sapphic lovers. Attacked and almost killed. Barely survived but found something unexpected in each other that had been missing all along—wait. Ok, ok so maybe a tad bit of a trope but uhhh, moving on…

Ahem, back to love. Fact of the matter is, it took some time for Amanda to fully open up and completely let herself fall but once she stopped fighting her true feelings, love overtook her. And it was Olivia who had been the one to break down her walls, through her defenses, to claim her guarded heart. When Amanda finally allowed herself to go all in, it turned out to be the best decision she'd made since leaving Georgia. The best. And yet, the detective found herself doubting everything that led her onto the rollercoaster of love. Love brought out a side of the southerner she didn't even know she possessed. Jealousy. That usually wasn't her style. In fact, she hated when her hook-ups would get too clingy and act possessive when she'd move on to the next. She didn't get it because there'd been no one she cared enough about to want to keep all to herself. Then came Olivia Benson.

Amanda loved every single thing about that woman. Everything. Even the stuff that annoyed her. Like, her inability to take a compliment without a little self-deprecation. So humble. The way she'd insist on not being asleep, but only resting her eyes, when she was indeed asleep. Freaking adorable. Or the way she claimed to loathe reality tv but would ask Amanda a million questions about the 'ridiculous' Atlanta Housewives and their shady antics. Taste. Olivia was absolute perfection in the blonde's eyes. Sadly, Amanda still felt unworthy of being Liv's person at times. Undeserving of such a remarkable woman. Undeserving of happiness. Undeserving of love. It all comes back to love. Ahh, love.

"Love's a bitch!"

"Detective—"

"I'm serious. I'm losing it here, Doc. Like, seriously losing it. I can't eat. I can't sleep. I can barely work. Oh, did you hear that I almost got suspended for abandoning a stakeout?" asked Amanda as she barely held it together.

"No, I didn't. Why'd you abandon the stakeout?" Dr. Huang asked, confusion clinging to his face.

"Well Doc, I left the stupid fuckin' stakeout, because I couldn't sit in that stupid fuckin' van, for one more stupid fuckin' second, listening to my girlfriend practically coming all over the world's most stupid fuckin' asshole!"

I just had to ask, didn't I? Here we go…

"Ok, ok just take a breath, please," the good doctor knew from first-hand experience all about the detective's lack of a filter but her bluntness still caught him off guard sometimes. He knew some oversharing would be inevitable when he received the detective's request for a 'talk'. He just hoped whatever she said next didn't involve the words 'climax' or 'tears' and everything would be just fine. "And I'm going to need more details."

Amanda took a deep breath and tried to control her emotions. It had been a week since she lashed out at D'Antoni and stormed out of the van. However, her anger and rage were still fervent as that day. "Olivia is undercover. With Amaro. They're posing as some nympho, dom/sub couple or whatever. They're trying to seduce their way into the inner circle of some club and let's just say that Olivia is playing the hell out of her part. If I didn't know any better…"

"Oh."

"Yeah, 'oh' is right. And I'm kind of having a bit of déjà vu here," she practically whispered the last part, while her eyes were focused on the ground.

"Amanda," Huang said her name so softly. It didn't take a rocket scientist to put two and two together as to why the detective was so worried about the situation. "You can't think like that."

"Why not? I mean, it's exactly how we started. Undercover. Alone. Together. Pretending. What's to stop it from happening again?"

"I can think of one major thing. You, Amanda." The doc let that statement sink in before continuing. "When the two of you went under, you were both single. I've known Olivia for a long time and she's a lot of things but disloyal, she is not. She also isn't the type to make a serious commitment and not honor it. Don't you trust her?"

"Of course, I do. It's just ugh, it's not her. It's him!" The detective took a second to calm herself, "He kissed her."

The doc furrowed his brow, "Uh, you said they're trying to seduce their way in, right? They have to be convincing."

"Yes, I know that but I'm talking about before they went under. He fuckin' kissed her or tried to or whatever the fuck! He's into her, Doc. Alright? Just like I secretly was shortly after we went under. At first, I thought it was just a harmless crush. Or that I was lonely and it felt nice having someone even if just for pretend. There was something about her that just drew me in. The more time we spent together…" Amanda closed her eyes, let her head fall back on the cushion and then whispered, "I'm scared I'll lose her, George." And there it was, her deepest fear, finally out in the open. Before Huang had a chance to respond, Rollins' phone vibrated with a message. The blonde let out a heavy sigh and addressed the doctor. "That was work. Another stakeout tonight, goody. More dry humping for my listening pleasure awaits."

Wow, she really has a way with words.

"Hang in there, Amanda. You are not crazy or going insane. You're just a woman in love, who wants to stay that way. Trust your partner and the foundation that you two have built. You guys will get through this. Oh, and a piece of advice…maybe you should call in sick tonight. I don't care how strong a relationship is. Hearing your significant other tonguing someone else down, even for pretend, is fuckin' brutal."

Rollins' head shot up from her phone at the Doc's blunt assessment. There was a reassuring, knowing, half smile on his face. She knew Huang to be the consummate professional, which meant that his unfiltered evaluation was intentional. Coming from a genuine place of friendship and she really appreciated him for that. It felt nice knowing that one, she wasn't crazy. Two, no way in hell would she be in that stakeout van later that night. And three, she had an ally in her self-appointed therapist/friend. Who calmed her down, validated her feelings and gave the best advice. Like, shooting hooky from work to avoid the stupid fuckin' Grace and Manuel show.

"Doc, you're the fuckin' best."

Later that night at La Dama…

Inside of the club, things were getting awfully cozy between the undercover detectives and their possible suspects. "I think the two of you will really fit in well around here," asserted Raquel. "However, there are a few things we'd have to discuss if you want the full member benefits…" there was a salacious smirk on the woman's lips.

"Oh yeah? What kind of things?" inquired Grace.

Julie slid out from the booth and motioned for the group to follow her. For the first time of the evening, the brunette felt uneasy and unsure of what to do. She wanted to comply but she also didn't want to lead her partner and herself into some sort of ambush. Grace looked over to Manuel, he was reading her mind and had some of the same concerns. However, he was confident they would be able to withstand whatever awaited in the other room. He silently reassured her as their eyes locked and gave her hand a gentle squeeze. Grace regained her confidence as she slid out of the booth and followed the women. Manuel never let go of her hand, while lingering a few steps behind her.

When they entered the room, the detectives scanned their surroundings discreetly. The room was dimly lit. Two plush, black futons paralleled each other along the walls and what appeared to be a bondage wheel was between them. The duo's senses were heightened at the anticipation of what was next. Before Grace could verbally express her thoughts, more instructions were ordered.

"Both of you, up against the wall. Turn away from me," commanded Julie. Her tone was assertive but bathed in lust.

"What the hell?! What's her play here? Should we go in?" Outside in the surveillance van, D'Antoni was panicking a bit.

"No," Fin assured. "Not unless they give us the signal. They're good."

Back inside. "I'm sure you understand, Grace. Women in our position, can never be too careful…" explained the blonde.

"I do," Grace's tone came out more confident than she felt.

Without warning, Julie pressed her body flush against the back of the female detective. She let her hands fall to the brunette's hips as she searched for 'contraband', really just an excuse to cop a feel. The blonde caressed every inch of exposed flesh. She continued to feel her way up and down Grace's body before she turned her around, bringing them face to face.

"All clear," the seductress then focused her attention onto Manuel. "Your turn, guapo." The male detective tensed when her hands gripped his pecs and raked her nails down his abs. "Relax, I don't bite. Unless you want me to…" she purred in his ear. Julie turned him around to face her, then suddenly dropped to her knees, coming face to face with his manhood.

Manuel looked over to his partner, as panic filled his gut. What Julie didn't know was that the secret recording device, that was providing audio to the surveillance van outside was disguised inside of his belt buckle. He said a silent prayer that she would be too distracted groping him, to actually notice the cleverly disguised device. The blonde was back on her feet, while her hands continued to roam. Her hands moved lower and lower, just as she was about to grab a hefty handful, Grace interrupted. Enough was enough.

"I'm understanding, Julie but let's not push it, huh?" A no nonsense look accompanied the firm tone. Another sinful smirk graced Julie's lips as she turned back to the brunette. Blazing brown eyes locked onto mischievous green ones. Neither woman backing down.

"Hey, hey we're all friends here…" Raquel cut in. Desperately trying to end the intense staring contest and break some of the tension in the room. "Why don't we all have a seat? There are still things to discuss…"

Across town at Mission Last Call…

"Why aren't you at the stakeout?" inquired the other newbie of the 1-6, Wright.

"Because I'm sick. Duh," Amanda rolled her eyes in a dramatic fashion and gestured to her perfectly healthy body. Her teasing antics caused the usually stoic detective to laugh heartily. "I don't think I've ever seen you smile before let alone laugh."

More laughter fell from the handsome detective's lips. He shrugged, "You caught me on a good day. The Henny may have a lil' somethin' to do with it too."

It was now Amanda's turn to laugh at the quip. She tilted her glass to his, "Cheers."

"Cheers." His phone buzzed as he raised the glass to his lips. "Finally, she's here. I'll never understand you women. It's like you're all allergic to being on time. Shit's wild."

"Riiiight. And if you say that to her, you'll be the one who's allergic, to getting laid tonight. Understand that?"

Wright choked on his drink, spilling some on his shirt. He wasn't expecting the in-facto rebuttal. When he finally composed himself, he saw the smug smile on the other detective's lips. "Yeah, I do. Bartender, get her another one on me. You're alright, Rollins." The newbie closed his tab and went to go and meet his friend on the other side of the bar.

"You too. Good luck."

Brooke, Amanda's fav bartender and sounding board watched the whole scene unfold. She waited for Wright to leave the vicinity before she addressed the southerner. "Good, you're finally alone. Who the hell is that?"

"Who the hell is who?" drawled Amanda.

"That super-hot guy you've been talking to ever since you've been here. Looks like his girl got here right in time…"

"Brooke, really? That's Wright. We work together. Nothing more. Plus, I do have a girlfriend. Tall, brunette, also hot, whom you've met. Hello?"

"Oh, I remember Liv. Just making sure no funny business is going on here."

Amanda laughed heartily at the insinuation and the look accompanying her bartender's statement. "No funny business. Geez, nice to know where your loyalties lie." The blonde was still laughing when her phone vibrated against the bar top. "Rollins. What's up, Fin? What?! Where are you now? I'm on my way." The detective left the bar in a hurry. Thirty minutes, one impatient Lyft ride later and she was at her destination. She sent a text to Fin.

I'm outside. Is it clear to come up?

Yeah. New guy's been keeping an eye out. No one's watching the place. Quickly replied Fin.

Open the door. I'm here.

"Hey, what the hell is going on? You said something happened but it's not serious."

"Yeah, I didn't want to say on the pho—"

"Manda!"

Amanda had all of five seconds to brace herself for the incoming brunette. Who seemed to just appear out of thin air. Olivia wrapped her arms tightly around the unsuspecting woman's neck. Whatever the hell was going on, Liv sure seemed happy to see her. When the enthusiastic embrace finally ended, Amanda took a step back to look at her girlfriend. Soon as she got a good look, her eyes widened and a gasp escaped her mouth. Shocked at the sight, she turned back to her other partner and whispered.

"Fin?! Is she—"

"Yep. High as hell."

In any other circumstance, Amanda definitely would have gotten a kick out of a high Olivia Benson but not right now. She needed more details before any levity could set in. Like, what kind of drugs were ingested? Was the op compromised? How'd this happen? And where the hell was Amaro? However, getting said details proved to be damn near impossible with Olivia constantly clinging and hugging all over her. Amanda saw Fin barely keeping it together and shot icy daggers his way. After the silent warning, she directed her attention back to the brunette.

"Hey baby, have a seat for me while I talk to Fin for a sec, ok?" Amanda charmed in her sweetest, honeysuckled drawl, while leading her over to the sofa.

"You're really pretty," Olivia had a dopey smile on her face as she continued to hang on to her girlfriend. All the while, completely ignoring what had been requested of her. "I love your face," Olivia's fingers were exploring every inch of Amanda's face like she'd never seen a face before.

Oh, good lord.

Ahh, love.

AN: I hear you loud and clear. Hating undercover Bensaro. Missing Rolivia. I know, I know. Stick with me. Thanks for reading, really appreciate it.