Thank you to UnSleepy for betaing this chapter!
Loki opened his eyes and rolled onto his side away from the window, away from the daylight, and squeezed his eyes shut. He didn't want to face anything or anyone, but Xavier would no doubt make him endure the memories of what his life had been like in more sessions. Loki didn't want to relive what he had become, nor did he want to express them openly to a stranger. He felt however, that he would have no choice in the matter
' Your birthright….was to die! Abandoned on some barren rock! If it weren't for me, you wouldn't be standing there to hate me .' The echo resounded in his mind. Loki started, sitting up only to see himself in a standing mirror. Despite the glamor that made him look like an Aseir or even a mortal, Loki could only see the monster he was. Jotun. It was Asgardians who told children that they would conquer the ice giants, including Odin himself.
``Am I cursed? " He had asked the All-Father as he held the Casket of Ancient Winters. His world had fallen apart the seam at that moment. From the point he was touched on the Jotunheim, his mind swarmed with doubt and fear. All he had gained from it was pain, isolation and death.
He had been betrayed, so he betrayed his family and the only home he'd known. Only his mother had tried to make him see the truth: that he was loved, that he had made a mistake by trying to push away those he loved to shield himself from pain.. Still, he had said that Frigga was not his mother, the words spoken with some anger. He had directed the Dark Elves to the castle, thinking that it would only overwhelm Odin, only to find out that it had indirectly led to his beloved mother's death.
Not even Thor had descended to the dungeons to tell him of Frigga's fate. A guard had second handedly told him. He had not even been allowed to attend his beloved mother's funeral. Not even his own brother had informed him of his mother's demise. Alone. He was truly alone with not even family to turn to in his grief. And so, he had taken it out the only way he could, in anger. His magic blasted everything in his vicinity, splintering it to pieces. He didn't even sleep in the bed Frigga had requested for him. Despite his best efforts, he couldn't even look at his mother's books, which lay face down on the floor. Finally, he allowed himself to break down.
"The All-Mother has perished in battle. Her funeral has taken place, attended by the All-Father, Odin, and the Crown Prince. We mourn with thee.
The former prince's cell emitted a strangle scream more than once.
.
Frigga had been his only support, and he had betrayed her. His own spite for Odin and Thor had caused her untimely demise.
It's your fault! It's your fault!
He was trapped by a fate that would not allow him to be the person, the ruler, that they'd always said he could be, and only tragedy seemed to follow. Xavier had brought back those memories, not only of Odin nearly killing him, but of other, darker ones. His mind flashed somewhere else at that moment. It flashed to when he was being tortured by Thanos and the Other aboard the madman's pain, torture, starvation, exhaustion all flooded back into his psyche in that moment.
He stared at his image in the mirror for one more moment before he pummeled his hand through it. All the anger welled up inside him as he threw first the lamp, then the side table. His throws flew through the air, colliding with and shattering against the opposite wall. At last, his anger abated, Loki slid to the ground, permitting the tears he hadn't allowed himself to shed. Why was I born? I was unwanted by Laufey and my biological mother. Why didn't Odin just leave me to perish on that barren rock? You were deep in the Jotun blood, why would you take me?
You are our son, Loki, Frigga had said, and we are your family.
Loki buried his face in his hands. As much as he wanted to deny it, Thor was the only family he had left. The Jotun had rejected him as a baby, and Odin had used him. Loki wanted to despise his brother but could not bring himself to accept the idea. At least, not any more. He felt his heart thump under his skin, and Loki knew the worlds would never be the same without Thor. Loki's life was expendable as he knew only tricks and magic. His power was nothing like that of the Thunderer. There was also another reason; he cared deeply for his brother. They were over 1000 years old, after all. Loki's first memory was being on either side of his mother, walking through her gardens. In another, he recalled play-fighting with Thor with toy swords.
We played together, we fought together. Do you remember none of that?
Gone was Thor's brash, hot-headed immature nature, now replaced with the wisdom and maturity Loki had hoped to see in the crown prince. Perhaps the 'escape' from Asgard while disobeying Odin (again) was foolhardy, but it stemmed from revenge and a general concern for the Nine Realms. He laughed a little at himself. Thor was banished and made mortal just as I am now. Mayhaps I will be less petulant and demure in turn. Not that I have anything to go back to on Asgard either.
Although this release of rage and desolation had been cathartic for him, Loki suddenly felt exhaustion beginning to seep deep into his bones. He was only hazily aware of the door bursting open to reveal Doctor Strange and his servant. A flash of green light careened around the room, sweeping objects that he had thrown into the air. Everything returned to its proper place as though nothing had occurred.
That is the Time Stone . How has this mortal wizard come by it? Loki vaguely wondered. He did not put much stock in this, however, as he was mysteriously lifted from the floor to his bed. Blankets were supernaturally brought to his shoulders and Loki only slightly registered the whispering of a spell that was making his eyelids even heavier.
"Thor.." he muttered tiredly.
"I'll contact him." Strange replied. "Sleep."
TBC...