Disclaimer: Dick Wolf owns Law and Order SVU and the characters. I only own the idea for the story and the new characters.

Chapter 105: Mother

Back at the apartment, Hannah was sitting on the floor in the middle of the living room. In front of her, she had her sketchbook laid out and she was currently in the middle of drawing a woman's face from her imagination. Still, the details were all there and frowning deeply, Hannah was still incredibly dissatisfied with her work.

To the side, all her books for school were pushed away. She should be studying right now, she knew she had to, but for the life of her she couldn't bring herself to do so. A lot had happened in the last week and school was de last thing on her mind right now.

Just as Hannah stopped drawing and scrutinised her work intensely, Olivia walked in through the door. She'd gone out to get some groceries, because she had decided her daughter and her couldn't live on a diet of just pizza. And when she came back, she found Hannah, hunched over and concentrating.

Olivia put down her paper bags and walked over to her daughter. Positioning herself behind her, she looked at her drawing and smiled a little: God, she's talented, she thought. But then Hannah suddenly started aggressively scribbling all over the paper, erasing the portrait quickly by blacking it out slowly.

'Wait!' Olivia called out, 'What did you do that for?'

Hannah just shrugged.

The detective looked down at her daughter and saw nothing but a bunch of unruly black curls and legs for days, positioned on either side of the paper she'd been drawing on. Still, Hannah managed to look the picture of defiance, anger and opposition radiating from her.

So, Olivia threw her wallet and keys onto the couch and crouched down behind her. Carefully, she mimicked Hannah's position and cradled her from behind, legs wrapped around hers and she pulled her back into her stomach. Then she enfolded her into her arms and let her chin rest on said curls.

'I'm not in the mood,' someone grumbled below her.

Olivia knew she'd say something like that, but without speaking decided this was necessary. They both needed this badly. Still, Hannah didn't pull away.

'I've been thinking,' Olivia eventually spoke, 'about everything that has happened and about what Cragen said and you helping us find Malik... and, just tell me if I'm wrong by the way, it seems to me you've been torn lately. Like you feel like you have to choose between your old life and your new life?'

Olivia waited for a contradiction, but nothing came. So after pausing for a few moments, she continued, 'Sweetheart, you don't have to choose. You don't have to be perfect now or become this good little cop's daughter, you know that, right?'

Hannah shrugged.

'And you don't have to forget about where you can from either. You can still be you and go to a catholic school. Or you can still be you and get a good grade. And you'll still be my daughter when you get sad or angry. You'll always be my kid, even when you get into trouble or when you shut me out.' Olivia turned her head and tried to look at Hannah's face, 'Are you hearing me, baby?'

'That's just it, isn't it,' Hannah grumbled, 'I'm not a baby, and that's the whole problem. You should've just adopted a baby. There's loads of them in foster care.'

'But I didn't want a baby.'

'Yeah, you did. You said so yourself. You said...'

'Hannah, shut up,' Olivia interrupted, but from the sound of her voice it was clear she wasn't angry, 'Stop telling me what I want or don't want. I want you and you're my baby.' And with that she hugged Hannah closer.

Her trapped teenager wriggled a little in annoyance, but still didn't make a serious effort to get out of the embrace. 'Are we done now?' She asked, secretly hoping to God Olivia wouldn't let go just yet.

'No. I need more love,' Olivia's voice sounded muffled in her hair.

Hannah smiled to herself a little and decided to just sit there for now. Every kind of emotion went through her head in a very short time space, but it was alright: she felt safe.

'Did you find Malik?' She eventually asked.

'Yeah we did, and that's the end of your involvement in the case.'

'He didn't do it, mom.'

'I know. And we'll find whoever did do this, without your help.'

Hannah sighed, 'I thought you said I did good? Why did you change your mind, AGAIN? Is it because I got arrested?'

'No, baby,' Olivia spit out a few curls that somehow managed to end up in her mouth, 'but things got muddled along the way. You're not a police officer, I am, and it's our job to do. We should've never let you get so involved.'

'Why? Because I'm scum?'

Still so defensive, Olivia thought. And she realised in that moment that Hannah would probably remain this defensive for a long time. She also decided right there and then that she would never again punish her for it. This was her kid, her miracle child, and she'd take however long it would take for her to explain and explain again why she and other people did what they did, 'No, because you're just a regular teenager. These are not things you should be worrying about.'

'For fuck's sake!' She threw away her pencil in frustration, 'I am not a fucking normal teenager though, am I? I keep trying to be but I keep getting caught in the middle. I try and be normal but half the stuff people are on about I don't understand because, oh right, I was living in the streets back then? And the other fucking half I don't care about because I've got bigger fucking problems than stupid boyfriends and asshole french teachers!'

'I know,' Olivia just said, calmly.

It was like something inside Hannah had just snapped and it all came out now, 'and then Panic tells me the other day I'm such a 'cop's kid' these days and she calls me a 'law-abiding citizen'? Like what the fuck am I supposed to do with that?'

'Say thank you and move on?'

She suddenly turned around and looked at Olivia, 'but that's not me.'

'Sweetheart, listen to me. I'm going to ignore the fact that you think 'cop's kid' and 'law-abiding citizen' are the world's greatest insults and move on...' Hannah had to smirk at that for a second and the mere sight made Olivia's heart jump.

'... and let me try and explain what I see when I see you, okay? Most people are made up of a lot of different parts. Some people are scared at times, but when facing something difficult, they can be really brave too. That doesn't mean they're not scared, it just means they're both. Now, that's just their personality, but when something happens to a person, they change.'

'Tell me about it...' she sighed.

'Exactly!' Olivia nodded, 'So much has happened to you and you changed so many times, but that doesn't mean the old you gets replaced by a new you. It just means there are more sides to you with every change. Do you understand?'

'I guess so...'

'You are still you at ten years old, still you at twelve and still you at fourteen.'

Hannah frowned, 'How does that help me though? I still don't know where I fucking belong...'

'Well, where do you think you belong?'

'Nowhere!'

'No, baby, you belong everywhere,' Olivia said softly, 'That's your gift, your talent! You belong on the streets, you belong to this city, you belong at your fancy school where you can compete with the smartest students there, you belong at the precinct and you belong with me. And you'll probably find a million other places where you'll belong!'

The girl thought about it for a long time, 'Still don't get why that's a good thing...'

Olivia smiled, 'because you get to choose. Choose where you want to be and choose what you want to do. And I know it's not easy, sweetheart, because I know you sometimes just want to be like everyone else, right?'

'Right.'

'But you're not. You never will be.'

'That's a great peptalk, it really is, thanks for that,' sarcasm dripped form Hannah's mouth.

Olivia just smirked and whispered, 'Smart-ass.'

'You called me that when we first met.'

'Yeah well, you were!'

'Like hell,' Hannah sighed, 'so not a baby after all?'

Olivia scoffed, 'I mean obviously I didn't tell you this back then, but you were also really cute.'

'I was not cute!' Hannah called out, and she turned around and faces Olivia.

'Yeah you were! Those big eyes and the hair in the massive hoody? And then the big attitude in that squeaky voice? Adorable.'

'Shut up,' Hannah laughed now, 'you totally didn't think I was cute.'

'From day one,' Olivia vowed.

Hannah shook her head, but still with a smile on her face, 'Such a fucking liar...'

'Sweetheart, you mind who you're talking to.'

In seconds, the girl could see she wasn't serious, so she challenged, 'Yeah, what are you gonna do? Arrest me? Again?'

Olivia put on her best intimidating detective face, but she failed a little, 'Don't you pretend to be hard with me, young lady, you're way too cute for that.'

'I am not fucking cute!'

'No?' Olivia played, 'Not cute? What, you think you're tough?'

Hannah threw up her hands in despair, but with the biggest smile in her face, 'Well, yeah!'

'Oh well, in that case...' Olivia quickly pulled Hannah in towards her and started wrestling right there on the floor. Within seconds, Hannah was a giggling mess, calling out, 'Mom, doooooon't! Stop tickling me!'

But Olivia didn't let up, 'what! I thought you were so tough? Can't be tough and ticklish, sweetheart!'

'Shut up,' Hannah ground out between laughs, all the while trying the bat away Olivia's tickling hands from her stomach, 'You're so evil!'

More than anything, Olivia had missed being like this with Hannah. The two of them, just playing and having fun. So she joked, 'Aww, look at you; you're so cute!'

'I am not cuuuuute!' A long drawn out complaint came once again.

'Oh yeah I can see that,' the detective said sarcastically, while looking down at her squeaking daughter who tried to curl up into a ball to protect herself from the tickles, 'You're a real badass, I can totally see it now.'

'FINE YOU WIN,' Hannah called out, admitting defeat, 'You can think I'm cute or whatever...'

Finally, Olivia stopped her onslaught and she looked at her with a smug look on her face, 'You really are cute, you know.'

'Yes, okay, I get it now! You've made your fucking point!' Hannah called out, as she turned her head and looked at Olivia, who was now laying next to her onto the carpet.

'Mom? Do you think I'll ever figure out how to be normal?'

'Let's hope not,' Olivia joked, 'I didn't sign up for that...'

'You know what I mean...'

'I know what you mean, baby. And I have no doubt you'll figure it all out.'

Hannah was silent for a long time, and then asked, 'Where do you belong?'

'Right here with you,' Olivia answered at once.

'Are you sure?'

'Positive.'

Hannah smiled and looked up at the ceiling of her apartment. Olivia had been right: she did feel trapped between her old life and her new life, not knowing what or who she was now and what she was supposed to be and what to let go. But maybe she didn't have to choose. Maybe she could still be the same Hannah, only now with a roof over her head and a school to go to. Having a mom did make things a lot easier, but having Olivia as a mom was especially great.

'Sweetheart?' Olivia had been staring at the ceiling as well, thinking of how she could help Hannah so that she wouldnt feel the need to completely erase her past. She needed some form of closure and something positive in order to move on. 'That portrait you just drew, before you ruined it again...'

Hannah tensed up, but kept her mouth shut.

'Were you drawing you birth mother?' Olivia asked carefully.

'Yeah...' Hannah had no idea what she looked like. Hell, she didn't know anything about her, not really. Just theories and speculations and a lot of wishful thinking. All she had was a crappy little bracelet with a peace charm and that was it. Still, she couldn't stop thinking about her.

But somehow, Olivia seemed to understand all of this, because she said, 'Okay. I'll see what I can find out.'

Omg I cannot believe people are still reading this, THANK YOU ALL DO MUCH! In between work, quickly uploading the next chapter. Still a few to go, but I'll be as quick as I can. I cant even begin to describe how happy it makes me that you're all still reading this, the comments really mean the world to me. Xx