I looked up at the picture on my wall, feeling the shadow of a smile forming. My father and my mother when I was little, my mother holding in a smile and my father touching her face. I feel like if their families weren't so strict and old fashioned, their relationship would have worked out better. I would be lying if I didn't say that I was still bitter at my grandparents on both sides for tearing them apart, and letting me grow up without my father present in my life.

Turning around, I pulled my jacket down again and let out a breath. Today was my first day of the funeral procession, which meant that officially it was three days into the funeral. Technically I should have went to the nightly procession last night, but I knew Shizuru wanted to protect me from the family for as long as possible.

I looked in the mirror, assessing my long platinum hair pulled back into a braid, practically white against the black of the dress pants, jacket and blouse. I put on a light shade of lipstick for the occasion while also putting off my inevitable descent downstairs to face my in laws. Kazuma and Shizuru had already gone downstairs with their father to give me my fair time to get ready. I didn't want to see them again, my grandmother and my grandfather. I knew I would have to deal with the snide comments of my grandmother and my grandfather ignoring my existence.

"Here goes nothing." I breathed out, opening my door and walking downstairs. Eyes turned to stare at me, half of them confused at my being there while half of them looked at me with either pity or with disdain.

I walked through the path that the distant relatives and friends of my father and his family made for me, approaching the body. I bit my lip at the closed casket, taking a deep breath.

"The accident left him nearly unrecognizable. We thought it would be less painful than to family for the casket to be left shut." My uncle rested his hand on my shoulder. I looked up at him, and turned to hug him. He squeezed me closer before releasing me, whispering in my ear, "My parents are in the corner. Don't worry about going over to them or speaking to them; I've already talked to them."

"Thank you." I whispered, letting go and watching him move over to another member of our family that I didn't recognize, talking to them.

I looked to the coffin again, resting my hand on the top of the casket. His picture rested beside him, his brown eyes grinning out at me and his red hair pushed back. Mostly they were pictures of him at work or with friends, but I felt my eyes watering at a sight I wasn't aware that would ever be at his funeral.

The picture was of him and me when I was five and starting school. I swallowed, biting my lip. His arms were around me, his chin resting on my shoulder while he leaned onto my level. I was grinning at the camera, a small tooth missing from my mouth. We were so different; the only similarity was that I had a mediterranean tan that was similar to his natural Japanese complexion. I wanted to jump into the picture and travel back in time to that moment and tell him how much he meant to me. I wanted him to understand how much I loved him and how much he influenced me from my childhood years. I was overwhelmed with nostalgia, and felt like crying. It was overwhelming.

Shizuru rested her hand on my shoulder, following me down to the floor as I sank to give my respects to him, her warmth spreading through my torso comfortingly. I held onto her hand, my tears threatening to spill over.

"You need anything, Gav?"

I shook my head, closing my eyes and bowing my head. The world was shaking, and I felt my body crumbling away starting from my insides.

"I never got to say goodbye."

Shizuru gripped onto me, pulling me close to her. I could barely feel her arms around me, everything going numb inside of me. I wanted to say something else, anything else to convey my thanks for her being there for me, for not leaving me alone to deal with this myself.

"If it isn't the bastard."

I flinched, wishing that my uncle had also kept her away from me. I looked up at the old woman standing above me. I could barely see her through the tears I knew were streaming down my face, but I knew she was glowering disapprovingly at me.

"Isn't it a little childish to cry like a child on the ground when you have family to talk to? If you aren't going to stay, why don't you just leave?" She touched her son's casket, red flashing through my vision at the motion.

"My father just died, ma'am. Forgive me for grieving the way that I need to grieve." I looked down again, my heart pounding in my chest. I just wanted her to leave me alone. "Please, I need time."

"He was MY son. I raised him, brought him up. And how does he repay me? By giving me a grandchild out of wedlock with a woman who wasn't fit for him to begin with. You chose to leave him here alone, childless despite his desire to be a father. I could have forgiven you if you had simply stayed here. However, you decided that a leaving your father to die thinking that his child despised him. You gave up your right to grieve the day you left his house."

Shizuru tightened her grip on me, and said something that I couldn't hear. Thankfully, whatever it was, it made her leave me alone. I could feel her heels clicking as she walked away from us, leaving us on the ground. She was right. I left him alone. I never got to tell him that I loved him. The last memory I had of him was three months prior, when I called him for his birthday. We talked for over an hour, laughing and sharing jokes, making promises that I would come and visit him in the summer to stay for a few weeks. They never came to fruition, and some part of me knew he died thinking that I would not follow through with our promises. Here I was, left alone with my family around me that I no longer knew, no longer recognized. Without my father with me.

"Honey, we're taking him out to be buried." Shizuru whispered. I looked up, appalled that I barely got any time and horrified that according to the clock I had been on the ground for three hours. I let her help me up, staring at the face of the clock, the archenemy that was stealing time too fast. We drove to the burial site, me standing on one side and Shizuru, Kazuma, their father and my grandparents standing on the other. It was customary for the immediate family to stand on one side and the children and spouses to stand on the other. It gave me no comfort as I stood alone to watch him as he was lowered into the ground. I bet the old witch was just gloating about that from her place with her respective family. I could feel her glaring at me, but I gave her no satisfaction as I picked up the shovel I was offered. I hoped it offended the hell out of her to have her bastard granddaughter shoveling the first bit of dirt on her son's grave. It was my custom from my world, and I hoped in the back of my mind as I honored my father that it was eating her up inside.

"Do you have any last words to offer?" The priest questioned me, accepting the shovel from me as the gravediggers began their work.

I looked at him, frowning. "The ceremony is over; everyone is leaving."

"Just because the family is gone does not mean your words are finished." He touched my shoulder. My shoulder seemed to be the favorite and most accessible body part today. "If it offers you any comfort, I can stay here with you while you say your goodbyes."

"Thank you father, but if it's all the same, I want to say them alone." I forced my tone to be polite. I knew he was only doing what a decent human being would do, but I needed to be by myself. It was more than kind of him to offer, and I nodded to him as he turned to leave, giving me one last comforting smile. And then it was just me and the fresh pile of dirt in front of me, the cars pulling away. When I could no longer feel her glare on me, I turned to my father's grave and knelt down, no longer caring if the outfit was getting dirty, or if I would step on something. "Hey dad. Long time no see."

I pulled my knees up to my chest, watching the wind blow the flowers left behind to brighten up his grave. Graves in Japan were more enclosed, less personal. I was surrounded by stone everywhere; there was nothing natural about this place other than the ground he was buried in.

"Mom wanted me to give you this." I pulled out a small letter, resting it by his headstone. "She asked me not to read it, but I guess I got my curiosity from you. She regrets that you two weren't strong enough to handle your families, and that she never once blamed you for the way things turned out. I don't either. I don't blame you or her for the arrogance of my grandparents. I know I shouldn't say these things, but I can't help it. I know who was to blame for you two being separated."

I looked down at my knees, playing with the bracelet on my wrist. The bracelet he gave me right before I had to leave.

"I was looking forward to performing for you. You didn't know it, but when I came down to visit you in the summer, I was going to be joining a group of young women from my college that are going to be putting on a display for a tournament. Our finals are being held here in Japan, and if the competition is anything like last year, there's no doubt we're going to finals. I wanted you to see me dance live, like you always wanted to." I felt the tears coming, and a sob escaped my lips. I tried holding it back, but I knew that dad wouldn't judge me for crying. "I wanted you to see me dance, dad. I wanted to show you how hard you taught me to work, how well mom did raising me the last few years. Dad, I missed you so much, and I love you. Please, you have to know how much I loved you, how much I still do. I just wanted to be together with you one last time..."

I rested my head in my knees, feeling the world crashing down again. I bunched up my hand in the dirt as I cried, trying to feel any part of him that I could, imagining his arms around me and making myself believe that, just for a moment, he could hear me.

That my world was going to be alright. It had to be.