The sun on my eyelids coaxed me out of dreaming. I could feel Hiei's fingers on my face when I blinked into existence, touching the space next to me to find the back of the couch, warmed next to my arm. I hoped he would forgive the last minute change in plans, that he didn't think I was skipping out on him.
"Ella, you okay?"
Shizuru weaved her way into existence, the edge of her face blurring in and out. Her eyes, though, were clear and bright and full of worry.
"What time is it?" I sat up, taking care of my aching ribs.
"Almost ten." She stabilized my back so it wasn't as much effort to sit up. It made me feel like a little kid but I tucked away the conflicting emotions and reminded myself that this wasn't as much for me as it was for her. "How are you feeling?"
"Like I got hit by a train." I sighed, fiddling with the bracelet that had miraculously made it through last night's ordeal. "Has Kazuma woken up yet?"
"No, he's passed out hard. We were about to check on him and wait for the kid to wake up and answer some of our questions." I nodded, swinging my feet over the edge and resting my head in my hands to reorient. "You should stay down, Ella. You're still pretty beat up and you used a lot of power in that fight."
"That's kind of the problem." I huffed, standing and pacing a slow circle around the room to get used to my legs again. I needed to stretch after a night on the cot. "I was less than useless last night and I almost let Kazuma's friends die because of it."
Shizuru lit up a cigarette, blowing out a ring like she had expected this conversation. "You aren't a fighter, Ella. Add that to the fact that your powers aren't at full charge right now... those boys are probably only alive because of you from what I understand."
"You don't get it." I huffed, glancing at Kurama when he closed the front door. His eyes flicked between us, assessing the situation, and I turned on my heel to walk into the kitchen to get out of the uncomfortable situation.
I tuned out their quiet conversation and leaned on the counter, closing my eyes and breathing slowly. I knew I was emotional and ridiculous right now, I didn't need to have a conversation about it.
Yusuke's mother kept very little food in the apartment, though it was remarkably clean considering there was a teenage boy with close to no adult supervision running through it multiple times a day. I scrounged some rice, a package of eggs, and some kimchi together and started cooking. The smell attracted said teenager as well as the 5 other people currently in the apartment. My cousin was absent so I assumed he was still passed out on the floor.
"We had eggs?" Yusuke stared in amazement at the dish and accepted his bowl, cracking a few more eggs over his rice.
"I was more surprised you have kimchi." I slapped his hand away so the rest could get their helpings.
"Pickles are expensive." His defensive tone made it clear the food situation was a touchy subject.
"Besides, it's not like I entertain all that often."
"I'll take you grocery shopping one of these days and help you meal prep." I promised, offering the last bowl to Kurama who declined with a polite smile. I shrugged and took it for myself, cracking my own egg and taking some of the quickly disappearing kimchi. There weren't any sauces but it was better than nothing.
I took my bowl to the patio and stirred, taking a bite and wincing at the turning in my stomach. Kurama closed the door behind us and leaned next to me, overlooking the street.
"I don't want to talk." I took another small bite, feeling my body protest.
"I won't make you." He assured.
"That's almost more infuriating." I sighed, setting my bowl on the ledge and rocking slowly to offset the nausea.
He nodded like he understood my conflicting emotions, folding his fingers and keeping his eyes on the oddly clear streets below us. Kurama was an enigma, and it was annoying how peaceful it was to be near him when I felt so chaotic.
We stayed like that for a while, me taking comfort in his presence and him collecting his thoughts and assessing our current situation. It was amazing to me how Kaito, with all of his arrogance and cleverness, could not understand him.
"Someone is going to get hurt." I admitted, twisting my fingers together. "Three kids who have nothing to do with this almost died last night and today is going to be even bigger. We're losing."
He didn't react, just let me keep talking. I told him everything; the visions I'd been having since I was 8, how hard I was struggling to maintain control over my abilities, the constant feeling of anxiety and panic that surrounded my day to day life, the voices in my head that spelled danger at every turn. I'd hoped it would ease some of the weight to say all of these things out loud but it only increased the guilt eating away at my soul.
When he finally turned his eyes to me it wasn't with anger at my secrecy like I expected. "As far as your visions are concerned, I'm glad you told me. I won't mention it to the others, not unless it becomes pertinent for them to know. But as for your abilities and your emotions... I believe you've fallen off your center. You need to find your balance and let yourself experience your emotions freely before you will be able to regain control."
"You sound like a fortune cookie."
He grinned, rubbing his neck. "You caught me. But that doesn't mean it isn't true. Perhaps you could talk to Genkai about training with her again; the results you produced the first time around were inarguable, and your power has only grown since the tournament."
"If we all live through this you mean."
"It's unlike you to have faith."
"It's an unlikely situation we've found ourselves in." I countered, sighing and raising my hand. I could feel the moisture along my fingers, the current of energy buzzing through the air with no destination. "More psychics are awakening."
"It's estimated to only continue growing until the tunnel is closed." Kurama agreed. "They will need help controlling their abilities."
"Sounds like Genkai is going to have her hands full."
"It certainly does, though she may have become increasingly picky about the quality of her students." Genkai's voice behind us made me jump. "The boy is about to wake up. I suggest you both join us in Yusuke's room."
I glanced at Kurama and grabbed my bowl, following him inside. I looked at Genkai and she nodded, confirming she indeed heard our conversation and that we would speak later. Feeling dejected I sat down on the floor next to my snoring cousin, resting my hand on his chest. He was healing nicely, but I would need to work more on the damage to his ribcage when he was awake to help the bruising.
Mitarai, or Seaman, was in worse shape than Kazuma. When he shot up out of his comatose state he gripped his chest in agony, staring at a shaking hand. Yusuke was crouched in front of the gang, right near his face, and I could only imagine how intimidating that must have been to a kid who seemed to scarcely comprehend his own morality views on right and wrong.
"Welcome back."
"You're Yusuke."
"That's right Goldie, and that's my bed you're sleeping in thanks to the human freight train there dragging you in so we could stitch you back up." Yusuke jabbed his thumb toward Kazuma, and Mitarai's eyes fell on us. I waved, taking another small bite of my breakfast. This kid was putting on one hell of a tough guy act but the terror shone in his eyes. I couldn't tell if that terror was because of his weakened state in a room full of people who could kill him with their pinkies or of his own mixed feelings about his life being spared.
"Bro finally did something helpful without his girl being around." Shizuru mused around her cigarette.
"His companions-your victims-have survived as well." Kurama looked menacing in his quiet anger, the perfect accent to Yusuke's explosive temper. "They informed us all of the encounter with you. Then we erased their memories of last night so they wouldn't be burdened by the darker truths."
"Like another human fighting for the wrong side." Yusuke jabbed. Mitarai's eyes danced to the end of the bed to avoid the accountability being forced on him. It was like watching a wounded animal. "Kuwabara saved your life after you tried to kill him; you think your psychic pals would have done that? You owe him big, so start talking."
"YEAH cah clean!" Kazuma startled us, snorting in his sleep. "Yeah gotta clean my socks..."
"What?" Keiko stared at Shizuru, bewildered.
"Sleep talking." Shizuru explained, grinning. "Sleep walking without the bruises."
I snorted, setting my bowl to the side again and jumping when I realized the kid was making eye contact with me. His eyes were burning with questions and guilt, and I let my expression convey my curiosity. His brows knitted together and he looked away, clenching his fists to tether himself. It was hard to be angry at someone so... young. So betrayed.
"You don't understand." He spit through grit teeth. "You haven't seen what I have. We should all die."
"Clarify 'all'. You mean your fellow psychics?" Kurama broke the brief silence at that bomb.
"No, I mean all of us. Humans. You'd all think so too if you saw the videotape!"
"What video?" Botan spoke up.
"Yeah, and say it with more feeling." Yusuke mocked. I glared at the back of his greasy head but resisted my urge to throw something at him for his insensitivity. Interrogation wasn't my forte but even I knew not to emasculate the one 'in charge'.
Mitarai looked ready to cry, so desperate for someone, anyone to understand. "It's the video they label 'Chapter Black'."
"You've seen it?!" Kurama actually looked astounded, which made Keiko and Botans' anxiety jump through the roof. Everything was palpable, electric. How could Genkai be so unimpressed when I felt nauseous being contained in a room with so many raging emotions?
"Yes I have. Every single minute of it."
"Chapter Black... amazing..."
"I'm guessing you've heard of it." Yusuke looked up at Kurama, quirking an eyebrow.
"It's legendary. Hiei's wanted to get his hands on that tape for years." Kurama's eyes stayed trained on the floor but I could feel the girl's eyes on me. I swallowed against the pressure in my throat, ignoring them.
"That good of a flick, huh?"
"It is a piece of intelligence, supposedly kept in the deepest bowls of Spirit World's Records Department. Over its millenia of existence the human race has committed very heinous crimes against others and their own. This videotape is a compilation. It documents the most unspeakable acts of all. It is said to run thousands of hours." Kurama looked at Mitarai again, wary and uncertain. It was alarming how fast his mood changed. "I knew well of the tape's existence but never imagined it could be an impetus in this case."
"So many horrifying things marching across that giant screen. You don't know how we really are. What we're capable of." Mitarai looked around the room, desperate for us to understand the horrors he had seen and how serious it was that we needed to be penalized for our sins. "I saw it all. If you saw it, you'd think differently too. You'd understand we're doomed, and so we have to-"
Yusuke's chair flew against the wall, smashing on impact. I jumped, pressing back into the wall and gripping Kazuma's wife beater again in panic.
"Have to what, Sir Judge?" He raised a fist and got in the kid's face. "Have to get us all eaten the hell up by some bloodthirsty monster?"
"That's right." Mitarai snapped, his gaze hardening. I tensed in preparation to assist in pulling Yusuke off of him when his already thin patience vanished. "You're defensive 'cause you don't know the truth. Humanity only seems good to you because you were born in a peaceful time, but wars are nature! It'll always come back. Have you ever seen hundreds of frightened people standing in line to be killed in a camp? Have you seen horsemen raid and destroy a village; dance on the bodies of their victims, crushing them as they celebrated victory singing happy songs?"
Yusuke looked like he had been slapped, his fist lowering with each word. I looked up at Shizuru and touched her leg. She broke out of her reverie, staring at me a moment before reality kicked in and she reached down to touch my hair in comfort.
"Have you ever seen a gigantic bomb wipe away millions who had never even picked up a weapon?" Mitarai continued, manic and terrified and practically shouting. He stared at his hands like he could see the blood dripping down. "Civil war, where a mom is hacked down in front of her child or a child in front of his mom?" He looked back to us again, frantic and unhinged in his grief. Shizuru pressed on my head to keep me from moving. "And the soldier breaking up a family who loves each other, leading them into a fire and his eyes enjoying the torture."
Keiko broke down, shaking and covering her mouth. Shizuru released me and gripped her shoulders. "Come on kid, I think you've passed your sympathy limit."
Botan watched them leave, her eyes dancing with unshed tears. I pushed myself up and stood next to her, bumping our elbows. She nodded, leaning against me and resting her head on top of mine for just a moment. Yusuke watched his girl leaving in tears and I could see a new rage burning in him that someone had made her break down. He held his temper until the door clicked shut and whipped around to direct it all to the boy already so close to a mental collapse.
"And you think you're better than those people on the tape?!"
"Well I know I'm not! Neither are you, no human can be."
"What about Kuwabara? He saved you, right? And you know last night when he came to for a minute I asked him, 'Stupid, why the hell did you save that jerk?' and he said 'Because, Urameshi, in his eyes he was crying for help'." Yusuke leaned back, stretching his back and staring at the ceiling. "I thought it was a pretty stupid thing to say at the time, but now I see how scared you are and I kind of follow. A big oaf like Kuwabara; he's got that bully look you must hate, but he cared about you. Bet you weren't expecting that."
That was the final straw it seemed. Mitarai collapsed, sobs wracking his entire body. "Every night I see them. The victims on that tape. I've always seen myself like them, but then in my nightmares I'm the one holding the weapons, you know? Like all along it's been me who was doing those terrible things, and I feel dirtier and dirtier, like I need to make up for something. But I don't even know what. Like I'm the bully."
I wrapped my arm around Botan to comfort her as her sympathy meter also reached its max and she shook with misery at his suffering. She was trying to stop the tears and I wondered why I wasn't emotional too.
"I'm sorry." Mitarai bowed awkwardly, shaking. "I'm... sorry..."
"We should go." I finally spoke up, squeezing Botan's shoulders. Genkai, Yusuke, and Kurama turned like they had forgotten we were still in the room. "He has his own demons he needs to come to terms with before he's ready to face anything else."
"Yeah..." Yusuke agreed, glancing once more at Mitarai. He was lost in his own pain, and I doubted he would even be conscious for much longer with how much emotional energy he had spent. I pulled Botan with me, making eye contact with Genkai, and led the way to the door.
There was a lot to process and none of us could do it here.