I recently received a message from one of the readers, asking a question. I think some of you all might have thought about it as well.
Why is Sirius such a great dad?
Now that is actually a valid question. I should have answered this earlier, but anyway. Now, a lot of people feel that Sirius would have made a terrible parent. The most common explanation for this theory is the face that he was locked up in Azkaban for a long time.
Now, up to a certain extent, that theory is partially correct. But, in my story, as you have seen, I have a different opinion. The reason Sirius turned out to be such an exceptional dad is because of his own childhood coupled with the fact that he'd already missed a decade of Harry's life. When he found out that Harry's childhood had been abusive, he vowed to repair that.
Also, it's the fear of failing his godson that made him think through his every decision. Rash choices has already cost him dearly and so he isn't going to make that mistake again.
Ten minutes before, Harry'd felt mildly satisfied when he'd put Malfoy in his place. Now, standing in his dad's study, he felt like an utter idiot. He'd nearly been scolded in front of Malfoy. He didn't understand what had made him snap at Malfoy like that.
Sure, the two of them had their spats but he'd never behaved so badly. But deep down, he knew exactly why he'd reacted the way he had. He just wasn't willing to admit that something so petty had gotten the better of him. Regulus was right. He should've spoken to Sirius about it the moment that particular thought had occurred to him. And yet, even now, he was hesitant to voice his insecurities.
"So, care to tell me what all that was about?" Sirius asked, crossing his arms and leaning back against the desk. I'd rather not. But he was pretty sure that such an answer wasn't the best way to appease a displeased father. "I'm sorry." He said instead.
"I don't want you to apologise, not now. What I want to know is why. I know my boy better than anyone else, so I know that what happened downstairs wasn't you. I didn't return the cloak to you so that you could use it for something dangerous. If that protection spell hadn't been strong enough, you would have hurt yourself. If there's something bothering you, I need you to talk to me. I've told you this a million times, Harry but I can't help you out if you refuse to talk about it." Said Sirius, running a hand through his hair.
"You'll call me an idiot." Harry replied, actually feeling like one. He couldn't believe that he'd allowed Malfoy to ruin his day. Sirius' mouth quirked upward a little. "Probably. But I doubt it can be something so silly that we can't sort it out."
"I didn't mean to yell at Malfoy. I didn't mean to go against what you'd told me either, Dad. I was just... curious." He began. "If you were curious, you could've just asked me. I would have told you. There was absolutely no need to sneak in like that, Harry."
"I know, Dad and I'm sorry." He said. "Look, we cannot get past this if we don't talk about whatever's bothering you. An apology isn't going to cut it this time. You're not escaping this without talking to me. Whatever it is, just tell me." Said Sirius. That's when Harry knew that there was no getting out of this. "I didn't–don't like it when you help Malfoy with his magic."
Genuinely surprised, Sirius asked: "Why not?" Harry bit his lip a bit before continuing. "I don't know, it's really stupid but I feel... I just get jealous." He finished. "Oh." Oh. That one word told Harry that his father had understood everything. And damn was he relieved because he hadn't at all been looking forward to explaining the details to Sirius.
"Why didn't you talk to me? Kiddo, we need to brush up on our communication skills." Said the man, shaking his head. "There was no need to feel jealous. I mean, at Hogwarts, I taught loads of other students but that never bothered you."
"Yes but Dad, that's different. I know it's selfish and inconsiderate but–" He was rambling. "Slow down there, Harry. Selfish? Inconsiderate? That's anything but you. I get that you were upset about me teaching Draco but you should have talked to me."
"I know. Damn I'm so stupid." Harry mumbled to himself, feeling really, really stupid. "Stupid? Definitely not one of your wiser choices; but that doesn't make you stupid. Although, I won't deny that you are a little thick skulled." The man replied with a wink. "But all jokes aside, I'm not Draco's father, right?"
"No, you're mine." Harry said and warmth blossomed in his chest when he said that. "Damn right I am. Which means, I'm the one who's going to 'torture' you," he said, giving Harry a light jab to his ribs. "You're the one who'll have to listen to me when I tease you endlessly about your first crush and girlf—"
"Yes Dad, I get it!" Harry's face was flaming.
"Good. It also means that I'm the one who's going to yell at you when you do something silly." He said. Harry knew that the man wasn't all that mad at him now but he didn't like it all the same. "I know, Dad and I swear, it won't happen again."
"I know it won't, kiddo. So that's what all that 'stealing-my-dad' rubbish was about?" Turning red, Harry nodded. "It was dumb, very dumb. Regulus told me to talk to you about it but at that moment, I didn't want to."
"Well, I'm glad we got this over with. Your worries are completely unfounded, Harry. You're my boy. Okay?" Harry felt a wide grin wash over his face and he nodded. "Great. Now, after a bit, you and Draco will talk it out and sort out your differences. I won't have the two of you at each other's throats all the time." Harry wanted to protest but he didn't. The last thing he wanted was to have a conversation with Malfoy but there was no other way. "Fine."
"It won't be as bad as you think. I don't want to be too harsh since it is the middle of summer. But, you're grounded for the day." Said Sirius. Harry stared at his father disbelievingly. "Dad! Malfoy is also guilty."
"I know that, Harry. You're grounded because you snuck into the basement, not because of Draco." Sirius replied. Harry sighed but didn't push the matter any further. The man put his arm around Harry and ruffled his hair.
Harry decided that at least one good thing had come from his latest adventure. He'd finally gathered up the courage to talk to his father about his worries. Now, he actually found them rather ridiculous. Sirius was just helping Malfoy. For the first time, his nemesis was actually innocent. Not completely, but to a certain extent. He hadn't tried to 'steal dads' after all.
He wasn't looking forward to their conversation one bit. But, he was determined to get through it without losing his temper. He put his arms around the man's waist and hugged him tightly. He'd been such an idiot to think that Malfoy was seeking attention. Sirius was Harry's dad and nothing would ever change that.
Draco decided that out of the two brothers, Regulus was definitely less intimidating. He didn't know what exactly had made him arrive at that conclusion; perhaps it was the fact that the older Black had been responsible for his father's apprehension. Regulus didn't look angry and for that, he was thankful. But he was pissed at Potter for getting him into this situation in the first place. Always up to no good.
"You've got quite the mouth on you, mate. This really isn't done." Draco had expected a yelling but this quiet rebuke was somehow worse. "I know, sir." He replied. It was taking a lot of effort on his part to not defend himself. He wanted to yell that it was Potter's fault, not his. But that wasn't the truth. He truly realised how hard it was to accept your own mistakes.
"Kiddo, you've honestly come a long way ever since these lessons started. You've been doing incredibly well and I'm not talking about just the training. Not once have you lost your temper or snapped out like this. You're genuinely improving and I don't want you to throw it all away in a fit."
Draco was used to harsh criticism and discipline. He'd received it all his life from his father. He could deal with harsh words, but this gentle, quiet scolding was something entirely new. He had no idea how to respond to it. But, in a way, it was far more difficult to bear than his father's chastisement. This made him feel bad. He was so used to suppressing his emotions, so this was hard.
"Draco, you are a brilliant young wizard and I know you can go a long way. I'll repeat myself: don't throw it all away." The man sounded like he actually cared. A lump formed in his throat and he tried to shove it down but was clearly unsuccessful. He could feel the heat building up behind his eyes. Don't cry, don't cry, don't you dare cry. He had managed to hold it together for all these weeks. Heck, even his mother hadn't seen him cry in the past so many years. He wasn't going to break down in front of a man he was just starting to know.
He respected both the brothers immensely and had started to look up to them. He wouldn't allow them to think he was a sniveling wuss. But even as he chanted the words in his head, the first of many tears made its way down his cheek.
"Just let it out, Draco." It was as though a dam had burst inside him. He pulled himself up on one of the chairs and cried. He couldn't remember the last time he had cried properly. He cried because his father never loved him, he cried because he thought no one liked him and he cried because he was a failure.
This was a well overdue catharsis. All that pent up rage, sadness, fear— it was high time he got rid of it. He didn't stop the tears anymore as they flowed down rapidly. Regulus didn't say anything; he simply stood there and gave Draco some time. The tide just wouldn't stop and he didn't bother.
He felt a hand on his shoulder and knew it was Regulus. His father would've been appalled to see him sobbing like this while his mother would be sad. "I was never good enough. He thought of me as nothing but a failure. I tried my best to make him realise that I was worth it but he never understood." He sobbed.
He was far too caught up in his own misery to hear the sharp breath Regulus drew.
Once there were no more tears left, he wiped his eyes and composed himself. He didn't want to meet Regulus' gaze, not after his little display of waterworks.
"I'm sorry." He mumbled, his voice hoarse from all the crying. "Nothing to be sorry for, mate. I recall doing the exact same thing several years ago." Said Regulus and Draco observed the placid expression on the man's face. He wasn't angry, not was he judging or mocking him. "You did?"
"I sure did. I was eleven, just back from my first year at Hogwarts. I got into a rather nasty spat with my father and it didn't work out too well for me. When Sirius found me in my room and asked me what happened, I broke down. I'd held my emotions back all my life and I just unleashed it all at once."
"I cried really long and hard you know. My tears literally soaked Sirius' shirt, Draco. That day, I began to realise what I'd been doing wrong. It was really unhealthy to hold it back like that. I thought tears made me weak so I tried to suppress them but I learned."
Draco realised just how much he had in common with the man. Other than sharing a childhood memory, he'd offered him some advice: don't do this. Stop trying to stem the tide of emotions. "He didn't want me to show weakness. My father."
"Well, he isn't here anymore to tell you what to do, right? Don't let him control you all the way from Azkaban. Just let him go." The words sounded so inviting. "I know it's hard but I want you to promise me that you'll try."
"I promise."
"Good. Now, I know that the lessons were supposed to end the moment you broke any of the rules but you are doing really well, Draco. I think we'll wipe the slate clean this one time. We'll take a break for two days and then we can resume. I think that sounds fair?"
It was more than fair. "Yes, definitely. I'm sorry about today, Regulus. I won't let you down again." Apologising was another thing that was very difficult for him, but he knew that it was needed. "I know you won't."
"Will you tell my mother?" Draco knew that his mother would be quite upset if she found out about the way he had reacted. She had always taught him to be controlled in his actions. "I should, but I think we'll let it slide, this one time mind you."
"Thank you."
Draco knew that Regulus had effectively ended the discussion and he couldn't have been more relieved. Ten minutes later, Sirius came downstairs and he wondered what would happen now.
Sirius observed the duo as he entered the room. His brother looked alright but Draco wasn't. His eyes were a little puffy and his nose was red: he had been crying. Surprised, he turned to Regulus and raised an eyebrow. Later.
He didn't bring up the matter. "Don't look at me like that, Draco. I'm not here to clobber you." The boy managed a small laugh at that. "Come on now." He said. "Where to?" Draco asked. "You and Harry need to talk things over and stop trying to bite each other's heads off at every instant."
"You want me to talk to Potter?" Draco inquired, hoping that he hadn't heard the man correctly. "Yes. It's not going to be as awful as you think. Keep your head cool and just talk to each other. Okay?" He would have argued but something told him that he wouldn't have gotten very far. "Fine, I'll talk to him."
"Alright, you two talk and blah blah blah, I'll go and fix myself a snack. I'm rather hungry anyway." Said Regulus and he was off.
Draco saw Harry sitting in Sirius' study, looking okay. He didn't look all that happy but neither was he upset. "Potter." He forced the word out without the usual malice and spite. He hoped he didn't give away the fact that he'd just bawled his eyes out in the basement. "Malfoy."
After that, there was an awkward silence in the room. Initially, Draco had planned on just waiting quietly in the room and then tell Sirius that the conversation had taken place. But for some reason, lying didn't seem like such an appealing option.
"Why do you hate me so much?" The question disrupted the uncomfortable silence of the room and Draco was almost glad. Almost. The question caught him off guard. Of all the things he had expected Potter to say, it wasn't that. "Shut up, Potter."
"I won't, Malfoy. We're supposed to talk right? So let's talk. Why do you hate me? I didn't do anything to you. In fact, you were the one that's always been such an utter prat." When Malfoy still remained silent, Harry pressed on. "My dad thinks you're trying to become a better person. Now I personally feel that's total rubbish. So, prove me wrong."
"I don't have to prove anything to you, Potter." Malfoy snapped, glaring at Harry. "Maybe. But I know that you are trying to convince both, my dad and Regulus." Harry knew that in a way, he was manipulating Malfoy but that didn't matter. He genuinely wanted to know why the other boy loathed him. The only person who hated him more than Malfoy was Snape.
"I don't hate you, Potter. Just call it envy." He did not expect that. "You envy me? Are you daft? Why in Merlin's name would you be jealous of me? " Harry just couldn't understand. "You are jealous because I receive unwanted attention wherever I go? Are you jealous of my scar? Or are you jealous that my parents were mercilessly murdered by a power-hungry sociopath?"
"Stop feeling so sorry for yourself, Potter and look at yourself! You live with the richest man in the wizarding world and you have everything one could ever want. Although Sirius isn't your real father, from what I've seen, he cares about you more than any other father would for his own son. Trust me, I'd know. In this house, your every whim is satisfied, you-know-who is as good as gone and so, there's nothing you need to worry about. You wanted to know why I was jealous? Now you do."
Harry felt an uncharacteristic anger bubble inside him at that. Malfoy had absolutely no right to say that! "You don't know a thing, Malfoy! You don't know what it's like to live like an orphan. You will never understand what it's like to spend ever second of your life in fear, hunger and pain. You don't know what it's like to be whipped by your uncle within a—" Harry abruptly stopped.
What had he just done? He'd gone ahead and revealed his darkest and most shameful secret to his enemy. No one was supposed to know about this! No one knew about this other than Sirius. Now that Malfoy knew, it was only a matter of time before word spread. This couldn't be happening. He could already imagine the headlines in the Prophet: Boy-who-lived bullied by muggle uncle.
Calm down. Calm down. He tried to calm himself down before he drove himself into a panic attack.
"Potter?" He stiffened at Malfoy's voice and balled his hands. "You can't tell anyone. No one can know about this." He said, forcing himself to sound steady.
Draco couldn't believe what he'd just heard. Potter had been abused by his muggle uncle. He had always thought that the other boy had been spoilt all his life. He couldn't have been more wrong. "I won't tell anyone, Potter. I promise." He was completely honest and intended on keeping that particular promise. Potter had been abused while he himself had been neglected. The ones who were meant to protect them and keep them safe had betrayed both of them.
The only difference was that Potter's abuse had been physical while his was psychological. "So are you still jealous?" Draco picked up on the bitter undertone in his voice. "No, not so much."
"So uh, it's your turn, Potter. Why do you hate me? I told you, now you tell me." When the other boy looked at him, he raised an eyebrow. "What?"
"Since when did you want to know anything about me?" He asked. "Don't flatter yourself, Potter. I just want to get this over with. I'm pretty sure your dad's not going to let us go anywhere until we're through with this." He scoffed, but he actually wanted to know why the two of them never got along. It was partly his fault but Potter wasn't all that innocent either.
"You want to know? Malfoy, you're always picking on my friends and just about everyone in general. You called Hermione that vile name, you taunt Ron about his family's financial status and on a general basis, you are horrible to anyone and everyone. It's no wonder that everybody hates you."
Draco was surprised by how much the words stung. He had already admitted to himself that he'd been a complete arse towards everybody, but it hurt when someone else pointed it out so bluntly. He'd already done enough crying for a while and he would not cry in front of Potter.
He searched his vocabulary for the right words to say. He knew what he had to say but it was his damn pride that prevented him from doing so. Just say it. They're just words. But, if he said them, he'd actually mean them. How hard could it be?
"I'm sorry."
Harry was glad he hadn't been drinking anything at that time. An apology from Draco Malfoy? Such things definitely did not occur on a daily basis. "What?"
"Stop gawking at me, Potter. It makes you look like an idiot. I said it, okay? I'm sorry for every stupid, bloody, thing I've said and done over the past two years. Alright?"
Even in his shocked state, Harry was able to make out the way the words had been said. Malfoy really did mean that apology. Now, he didn't know what to do. A major part of him believed that Malfoy's apology was sincere. But a small part of him remained of the opinion that it was just another game; a trick.
But then, he remembered something Malfoy had said before. Although Sirius isn't your real father, from what I've seen, he cares about you more than any other father would for his own son. Trust me, I'd know. Had he been referring to his own father?
But that couldn't be possible, right? From what he'd seen, Malfoy Sr. had always doted upon his son: fulfilling his every demand. But then again, no one knew better than him, just how deceiving appearances were. The Dursleys had successfully spread their tale about how Petunia's sister and her jobless husband had gotten themselves killed, leaving their only son behind. From the goodness of their hearts, they had taken the baby in and raised him as their own. Nothing was farther from the truth.
So, maybe Malfoy was really trying to change. His father had been right all along. "Fine. Apology accepted," he stated plainly.
An almost relieved expression crossed Malfoy's face before it was gone. "I'm sorry for what I said about your father. It wasn't right."
"Don't be. He deserves to be there." Then there was some more awkward silence. "So how much trouble did you get into?" Harry would've never imagined that this day would come. He was actually having a normal conversation with his nemesis! "I'm grounded for the day. What about you?"
"No training for two days. So did Sirius chew you out? He looked pretty ticked off." Malfoy asked with a smirk. But this time, it wasn't mean or nasty. "Oh he was, but then he calmed down after I explained things."
"Yeah, he seems like a great father." Malfoy agreed and Harry heard it again: that small but evident tone of jealousy. He knew that Malfoy Sr. had been a mean-spirited person but had he exhibited that same level of harshness towards his own son? He wanted to ask but knew that he had no right.
"He is. The best in the entire world." A ghost of a smile formed on Malfoy's face and he gave Harry a nod. "I need to get going now. See you around, Potter." And he left the room.
"You know, Draco reminds me a lot of another boy I once knew." Regulus smiled and shook his head. Nothing ever escaped his brother's notice. He accepted the glass of brandy from Sirius and took a sip. There really was a lot in common between him and Draco. He didn't know that Lucius had been such a terrible father. Almost as bad as Orion Black. Almost.
"We had a somewhat heart-to-heart discussion today. The way he broke down; that was exactly how I'd acted all those years ago. You're right, Sirius. He reminds me so much of my younger self that it's scary. I don't want him making the same mistakes as me."
"He won't, trust me. Reggie, he's working hard to free himself from Lucius. The last thing he'll do is follow into his footsteps. Draco doesn't want to be anything like his father. He might have wanted that man's approval back then, but now, he wants nothing to do with him."
"I hope you're right. Other than that, I'm glad Harry spoke to you about his insecurities. That's a gem of a boy you've got there, Sirius."
"I know. He clearly trusts you, Reggie. The only other person he's ever opened up to is me. If he was brave enough to talk to you about something like this, he definitely trusts you." Sirius said, smiling fondly. "I'll go and check on the little rascal now. I told him we'd go to the beach one of these days."
Sirius found Harry playing with his snitch. He sat down next to the boy and ruffled his hair. "What're you doing here all by yourself?"
"Just thinking. I talked to Malfoy today. He isn't all that bad. And you were right, Dad. He really is trying." Sirius nodded in response. "His dad was horrible to him. It's not fair."
"I know, kiddo. Not everything's fair, Harry."
"I know and I'm sorry that I was so stupid to think like that. Today I realised just how lucky I am. My dad is brilliant, even if he does ground me occasionally." Sirius smiled warmly at Harry's words and winked. "I'm bloody brilliant, aren't I?"
Harry grinned mischievously at him. "He is brilliant but there are times where he can be a bit big-headed and—"
"Why you little rascal! I'll show you big-headed!" Laughter filled the house as Harry fled down the stairs with Padfoot right behind him.
They weren't perfect. They were something much more precious: they were family.
*Drum roll* How was it? I felt like this chapter was really necessary for the plot.