Part 21

Peyton looked down at the head resting on her chest while she stroked at the chestnut coloured hair. Brooke had fallen asleep quite quickly last night, and for a moment Peyton thought it had felt just like it could have been any of the other times that they had spent the night together.

Only this time wasn't like any of the others at all.

No, that was just an illusion, one shattered not only by the location but by the small agitated movements made by her friend throughout the night. That alone was cause for concern as Brooke was the most relaxed sleeper she knew, the brunette often just found a comfortable position, usually on top of her, and remained there until she awoke the next morning.

To watch her fidget so much made her heart hurt, because she knew the reason behind the change in Brooke, but she did what she could to help. Deciding to remain awake herself in order to try and calm the other girl when she became too frantic.

And it worked. A softly spoken word or two to reassure the sleeping girl seemed enough to allow her to fall back into a peaceful sleep once again, at least for a while.

Sadly Peyton knew that the real problems wouldn't be solved just as simply, it would take more than a few well chosen words to undo the damage done to her friend by Ian Banks. But Peyton was not going to let that stop her from trying, no, even if Brooke was unwilling right now to speak to anyone about what had happened to her at the hands of Ian Banks, she wasn't going anywhere.

She knew what Brooke was trying to do and could even understand it, if you could push what had happened out of your mind, you could pretend that it doesn't effect you as much as it truly does. She had done the exact same thing when her mother had died.

Only Brooke had seen it for the act that it was, and this time Peyton was going to be there every step of the way just as Brooke had been for her. She'd be there for the silence, the anger, the tears, she'd let Brooke cope in her own way until she was ready to accept the help offered to her.

"Hey." Peyton said softly as she felt Brooke's arm jerk against her. "Shh, its okay Brooke, you're safe now, you're safe." She continued tightening her hold on the older girl and tucking her head under her chin.

"He's not here, Brooke, you're safe now. I promise, shhh, you're okay I'm here." She continued as she rocked her gently.

Peyton couldn't stop her own tears from falling even as Brooke's body relaxed against her once again. Feeling utterly useless Peyton let her head drop back against the headboard and stared up at the ceiling. She hated hospitals almost as much as Brooke did and even after the shooting she'd never felt as helpless as she did right at this moment.

She held her best friend in her arms but there was absolutely nothing she could do to make her better, nothing. She also felt incredibly guilty over what had happened to Brooke because she knew in reality it should have been the other way around.

It should have been her laying in a hospital bed, not Brooke.

Not her best friend.

And up until this had happened she was ashamed to admit that she didn't think they'd ever get back to being friends again, not after everything that had happened between them.

After their fight in her front yard she'd gone back inside and couldn't help but replay her last words to Brooke over and over again. Because no matter how angry she'd been at Brooke at the time, and boy had she been pissed, she knew she didn't want that to be it.

For them to be over.

The idea that they'd never get back to what they had terrified her, and she'd known she wasn't ready to give up on them yet. That was why she'd gotten a hold of Brooke's prom dress later and written what she had. It wasn't to show Brooke that she still hated her, it was to show Brooke that she was still there, that she wasn't letting go of what they were.

That Brooke still mattered to her, even if it did come out as bitching at her, she knew Brooke would get it, because Brooke got her and always had. It showed that Peyton still cared, that she wasn't ready to give up just yet.

"I wish… I just wish I could turn the clocks back, you know… not just to change what happened that night, but… I'd take it all back Brooke, all of it." Peyton whispered harshly, not understanding how things between the two best friends had fallen apart so badly, and so quickly.

"The last thing I ever thought would happen between us was me hurting you like that, not once but twice! How much of a fuck up does that make me, that I could actually hurt you that badly again after promising that it wouldn't happen." She continued, her own tears forgotten as she unconsciously began to run her hand through Brooke's hair again.

"How could I have done that to you? How could I hurt you like that?"

Peyton sighed and blinked a few more tears away.

"You know I've thought about it for soo long… and… and I still don't have a good answer…"

She closed her eyes at that, knowing how lame it would sound to anyone let alone using it to defend what she had done to Brooke. How can I not have an answer for ripping us apart?

She opened her eyes to look up at the ceiling once again, and tried to let that question go for now, because there was a chance she'd never find a good answer for doing what she had.

"I've known you for over ten years Brooke, and I always thought we'd be together forever, you know? Grow old together, have our kids be best friends just like their mommies were. We'd watch them grow up and try and stop them repeating all of the mistakes we made."

"And I've made soo many mistakes the last couple of years Brooke, but I can't change any of them, I wish I could… but I can't!" She continued trying to hold in a sob, not wanting to wake Brooke up.

"How could that just… end? Ten years… ten years of watching each others backs, of always being there for each other… just… gone."

"Like they meant... nothing."

"And for what?" She scoffed knowing that if she could go back and choose all over again she'd never have given Lucas Scott a second look, she was that angry with him just now.

He wasn't worth what choosing him had cost her, she was almost sure of that.

"I'd swap places with you in a heartbeat Brooke, because it was all my fault… you didn't deserve this, you never did anything wrong Brooke, I'm the one that screwed things up between us… not you."

"You don't really believe that do you?" Brooke replied hoarsely having woken in time to hear Peyton's speech, but opting to remain silent up until now.

Because she hadn't liked it, not one bit.

"And I know you've got blonde hair but I didn't think you were really that dumb Pey." Brooke said taking advantage of Peyton's shocked state and raised herself up onto her elbow to stare into her friends face.

Peyton didn't know what to say as she stared back with wide eyes, she had thought Brooke was still sleeping.

Brooke sighed as some of her fight drained at seeing the lack of sleep in her friends eyes begin to show. Maybe tomorrow would be a better time for a debate on just how Peyton wasn't to blame for everything that had happened between the two of them.

"Peyton, you're wrong about a lot of that, and I'll tell you why later okay. Right now it's late." Brooke said as she glanced at the walk clock. Really late.

"But I will say this." She began, her expression turning deadly serious as she held Peyton's gaze.

"I do not, and never will, regret that you aren't the one he put in hospital, okay? What happened to me happened because of one sick bastard, not because of you, keep the blame where it belongs Peyton and it rests solely with Ian Banks. Never forget that." She says having had to place her hand over the blonde's mouth as she had tried to refute what she was saying.

"I don't want to hear you wish you were in my place Peyton, because…" Brooke had to stop for a moment as her vision blurred, and she took the time to take a few calming breaths before she looked back at the blonde laying beneath her.

"Because it would kill me Pey... if he had…" Brooke's face crumpled at the idea of Ian Banks getting hold of Peyton and doing everything that he had planned to, all the things he'd told Brooke he was still going to do when he got his hands on the blonde.

"Brooke, hey, its okay, I'm sorry." Peyton said in a vain attempt to comfort the now distraught brunette that had collapsed back into her arms.

"I'm sorry Brooke, I'm sorry." The blonde whispered rocking her friend against her until she felt her settle down some.

Brooke eventually let out a deep breath of air that warmed Peyton's shoulder and tilted her head up to look at the other girl again, having regained her composure.

"Can we put this on hold, cause I feel as bad as you look, and you look like shit P. Sawyer!" Brooke said hoping for a laugh from the blonde.

She wasn't disappointed.

"Sure." Peyton responded, understanding that now really wasn't the best time to be talking about all of this. And she really was beginning to feel as bad as Brooke had described her.

"Good." Brooke said happily, glad that she could let go of her thoughts for now, tomorrow they could talk some more, and she could set Peyton straight on a few things but she was in need of sleep right now.

"Sleep!" Brooke ordered in a mumble as she cuddled into Peyton's embrace once again, thinking, as Peyton's arms tightened around her, that she hadn't felt safer in a very long time.

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Haley blinked and then blinked again trying to work out why she had woken up long before she needed to. Frowning it took a few seconds before she realised that once again her son had chosen now to start kicking practise.

"Do you know that football isn't the sport of choice around here?" She grumbled as she slowly got to her feet. It may have been close to dawn but she was exhausted even though she had gone to bed fairly early.

With a grunt she waited as her body fought to find its centre of balance to compensate for the added weight in front before making her way quickly to the bathroom. There was a chance her son would cause her to have an accident that would leave her with a carpet stain to remove if she didn't get there in time.

She smirked. Or I could always scream and just tell Nate that my waters had broken.

She chuckled as she gave the idea serious consideration, but sadly that plan would have to wait until another day as she'd made it to the bathroom in time.

Next time Junior I might just stay in bed and scare the crap out of your daddy, why should he get to miss out on all of your night time activities anyway.

Once Haley had finished and washed up she decided that a walk around the house might help settle her son down enough for her to get back to sleep.

Entering the living area she felt something was off but it wasn't until she saw the neatly made up couch that she realised that Peyton was no where in sight.

As calmly as she could she walked over to the window and looked out, but the police car was still exactly where it had been when the three of them had arrived home the night before.

Thinking about waking Nathan in a panic Haley decided to try something else first.

"And I swear to God Peyton… I swear to God! If you don't answer your damn phone on the first ring! I'll… I'll… tell Brooke… and she can guilt trip you for putting me through this crap again!" She said reaching for her phone not caring if she woke Nathan up or not.

You had just better be okay Peyton, because I'm going to kill you myself!

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AN/ Sigh, there might be mistake, there might be changes to this at a later point, not big things but I'm sleepy and it's not the best time to check over stuff. (or try to write in english either!)

But thanks for reading it, you can let me know if it makes sense!

Or not :P

Thanks to all the awesome reviewers that have been posting, you guys are ace!!

Thanks to everyone reading, hope you enjoy, but the next post will be late next week :( my breaks over so its back to work for me. :pout: I'll try not to leave it too long, this is me we're talking about.

Next time ;)