Once Maura realized she missed the entire lecture —her thoughts preoccupied with Jane— she gathered her things and left the hall as quickly as she could without seeming like she was rushing out. She didn't want to draw any unneeded attention to herself as she made her exit, not wanting anyone she knew to come over and try and start a conversation with her about the lecture they'd just sat through. She wasn't skilled enough in casual conversations to redirect the topic away from the fact that she'd completely ignored the whole presentation.
Luckily she managed to get out of the conference area without anyone wanting to talk to her , and headed for their room.
Getting out of the elevator on their floor, Maura turned the corner to their room and nearly ran headlong into someone coming down the hallway in the opposite direction..
"Excuse me." she mumbled quickly as she tried to avoid collision. Strong hands came up to grasp her shoulders to keep them both from falling over or running into the wall. Looking up she was surprised to find familiar brown eyes looking back at her. "Jane" the name slipped out of her mouth in surprise at seeing the object of her thoughts suddenly standing in front of her. "Where are you going?" she asked after a few beats of silence, once she realized Jane was heading away from their room.
"Maur!" Jane called out in surprise. "I was umm … just going... to ah, find you." Jane answered, finishing lamely with an awkward smile, a hand coming up to rub at her neck.
"Where were you going to look?" Maura asked out of curiosity, realizing Jane wouldn't have had any idea where her lecture was taking place or which of the many conference rooms she was in.
"I um " Jane started then shrugged with a smirk, she moved her hand in a circular motion as if it explained her thinking "I don't know... around?"
"Great plan." Maura teased with a nod of her head, a smile pulling at her lips.
"It wasn't my best. But hey! It worked! I found you." She grinned triumphantly motioning to Maura to make her point. "I accomplished my mission." she decided, nodding proudly at herself as if it confirmed her words.
Maura let out a laugh at that "You literally ran into me, in the hallway of our hotel room, while I was on my way to see you. I'd hardly call that successful" Maura reasoned with a growing smirk "More so the right place at the right time." She tried to reason in a teasing one "But even that is a stretch, you could have stayed exactly where you were for another thirty seconds and I would have come directly to you."
"Semantics," Jane brushed the logical explanation away with a wave of her hand. "But um, I am glad you're here." she added shifting her weight uncomfortably. "I wanted to talk to you."
Maura nodded "I wanted to talk to you too. Should we - ?" she asked pointing down the hallway. Jane nodded in silent agreement.
Jane turned around and headed back the way she came, leading Maura down the hall, heading straight for their door while reaching for her pocket, then the other, and once again before turning to Maura wide eyed. "I don't have my key" she admitted with a childish frown.
Maura laughed again, shaking her head as she gently pushed Jane aside "You are a disaster." she pointed out fondly.
"Yeah, but it's part of my charm" Jane shrugged as she followed Maura into the room once the door was opened.
Once inside Maura, headed over to the closet and slid her heels off and placed them inside before unbuttoning her jacket and moving to sit on the bed. She leaned back against the headboard with her legs out straight in front of her. "So" she looked over at Jane who was still standing in the middle of the room looking like she didn't know what she should do with herself.
Jane looked a little nervous that Maura was just diving straight in right away. "Right." she nodded and moved to sit in the desk chair so she was directly across from Maura. "I did a lot of thinking while you were in your lecture and I think I sort of got my head wrapped around it." she announced while looking at her hands.
Maura waited patiently for Jane to figure out what she wanted to say, she didn't want to push her in any one direction, or rush her process. "I did as well." She supplied when it seemed like Jane wasn't going to say anything else right away. She looked like she was getting a little too lost in her own mind to keep going, but she really wanted to let Jane drive this discussion to make sure she didn't make her uncomfortable.
"Good, yeah that's good." Jane cleared her throat then looked up at Maura for the first time since they sat down. "What I do want to say before we get to anything else, is that I need to make sure we protect our friendship above all else. I can't lose what we have right now if something doesn't work out between us."
"I completely agree." Maura replied easily, it wasn't even a question for her. "This is the most important thing in my life Jane. Your friendship means more to me than anything else, so I am fully prepared to stop anything we decide to do in its tracks if we think it is going to hurt that relationship. At that point we just sign and file the paperwork and continue on with our friendship as if nothing ever happened." She was very clear on that in her own mind.
"Yeah, okay good" Jane nodded in relief, that was something she was really worried about. "I agree. I can't lose you Maur."
"You won't." Maura promised moving from her place at the head of the bed. She slid down to sit on the end of the bed in front of Jane, their knees nearly bumping into each other. She reached out towards Jane's hands face up and waited, once Jane placed her own hands in Maura's she continued. "I'm not going anywhere" she promised with a squeeze to Jane's fingers. "I don't want to lose you either. That's not an option for me" she assured her. "We shouldn't look at this as something that has the potential to ruin the friendship we've built over the years, but more of an opportunity to strengthen it, build on it and move forward together." She explained easily. "The very last thing I want is for this to make you uncomfortable or feel like you are being forced into anything you don't want to do."
"Okay, that sounds good" Jane breathed a little sigh of relief giving Maura's hands another squeeze before letting go so she could sit back and look at her. Taking a deep breath Jane finally spoke again "So I am willing to discuss it and figure out what we want this to be." she told Maura, deciding to just come right out and get it on the table since it seemed like that was the best way to deal with it.
Maura smiled at Jane's willingness to at least listen to her and talk about their options. "Good. I'm really glad to hear that." she was really impressed with Jane leaning into something that made her uncomfortable, like this. "Why don't we start out by discussing your concerns, then we can move on to mine, if we haven't covered them all already. So tell me what are you worried about?"
"Okay" Jane nodded and took a deep breath trying to figure out what her first concern was. "What is this?" she asked her. When Maura turned her head to the side in confusion at the question she continued. "Us staying married. What does it mean? Is it just so we don't have to get a divorce and make things weird? Will it be an arrangement where we are married in name and still date or see other people?" This was her biggest concern aside from losing Maura completely. If they were going to do this thing, she wanted it to be a genuine marriage.
Maura was still slightly confused, but she thought she got the gist of what Jane was asking. "This will be a marriage in every sense of the word." she answered easily. "I plan on it including a faithful commitment to each other. I'd imagine we would move in together and merge our lives, possessions, finances and so on. Everything you would expect from any other marriage. You would be my wife and I would be yours."
"But is that something you can do?" Jane asked her, moving to her next concern. "A sexless marriage?" She knew how important sex was to Maura, she didn't think she could see a scenario where Maura could easily and happily abstain from sex.
"Why would it be sexless?" Maura asked, not understanding where Jane's concern was coming from.
"I mean, do you want to have sex with me?" Jane asked, shockingly not having thought about this possibility.
"Do you not want to have sex with me?" Maura flipped the question on her.
"I don't know Maur, it's not something I usually think about." Jane answered a little flustered, averting her gaze.
"That's not a no." Maura pointed out.
"You didn't answer, either" Jane pointed out with a slight whine. She already hated the direction this conversation was taking.
Maura nodded, she was right. "Okay. Fair point." she acknowledged hands raised to surrender to her point. "I have thought about it in the past, not in a way that overly sexualized you, but I have noticed you would be a very desirable mate. You are very physically attractive and strong. I would not be opposed to engaging in sexual activity with you." Maura answered as if she were discussing the weather.
Jane shifted uncomfortably in her chair and nodded. "Okay um, I guess I could give it a shot. But I don't know if I would be ready for that right away."
"Oh that's not a problem. I would be more than willing to wait as long as it took for you to get to a point where you felt comfortable progressing our physical relationship. If that means I have to defer to self stimulation to meet my sexual needs and urges that would be fine with me."
"What?! Jesus Maura!"
"Masturbation is an extremely healthy form of self exploration and is extremely useful in fulfilling basic human needs. It's also an important part of knowing your own sexual preferences. I have a number of toys I'm sure would do the trick."
"Okay, stop." Jane held one hand up to keep Maura from continuing, then dropped her head to her other hand. "I can't."
"I could recommend some lovely options if your current vibrator isn't satisfying you"
"Moving right along!" Jane insisted, she needed to get away from this topic.
Maura just shook her head and smiled at Jane's aversion to talking about sex. That was going to have to go away sooner or later between them. "What's your next concern?"
"What if we aren't...compatible?" Jane asked looking up to meet Maura's eye, a bit of worry evident in her face.
"Sexually?" She asked right away, and Jane groaned again, dropping her head back down to her hands. Maura continued right along ignoring her reaction. "I can only assume that is what you are talking about, and I don't believe we will have a problem there. We have shown a high level of compatibility in most other areas of our lives over the years, including physically with hugs, kisses to the cheek, cuddling on the couch and so on. I am not concerned there."
Jane nodded "What if we aren't attracted to each other?" Jane questioned.
"That will not be a problem for me at all." Maura answered easily. "But we can test that for you if you are concerned"
"How would we test that?" Jane asked looking up at her.
"Do you trust me?" Maura asked simply as she stood from the bed.
"Of course, but -" Jane was cut off by Maura entering her personal space.
Maura leaned over her, hands bracing herself on the armrests on the sides of her chair, trapping Jane between her arms, and leaned in to run her nose up Jane's neck. Jane's body stiffened immediately, eyes wide and her senses heightened. Maura placed a soft kiss on the base of her neck followed by another one slightly higher on her pulse point. Jane's throat jumped as she swallowed at the sensation.
The kisses trailed up her jaw and finally Maura brought a hand up to cup Jane's cheek, their faces just millimeters apart. She took one last look in Jane's eyes before her eyes darted down to her lips. Maura's tongue darted out to wet her own lips and she finally leaned in, stopping just a hair's breadth from Jane's lips, waiting. Their breaths intertwined until Jane leaned in for the final millimeter to press their lips together for a brief moment. After the briefest of kisses she backed away slightly.
Maura remained standing where she was, Jane's face still in her hand, an eyebrow hitched up in amusement at Jane's reaction.
The results of that test were quite clear.
When Jane opened her eyes she could see the slightly self satisfied smirk on Maura's face. She rolled her eyes at Maura, but really at herself.
Maura's hand dropped down to place her fingers on Jane's pulse point and she grinned to herself as she sat back down. "Increased heart rate, dilated pupils, shortened breaths, flushed cheeks. Those are all signs of sexual arousal. So I think we will be okay in that department." She grinned then raised a slightly teasing eyebrow at Jane "What do you think? Was the experiment conclusive enough for you. Or would you like to try again?" She asked as she sat back down on the bed looking proud of herself.
"I -" Jane cleared her throat when her voice sounded odd to her own ears. "I suppose that will be just fine as well" she answered as best she could while trying to calm her body back down.
She was a bit surprised over how quickly Maura could make her feel such strong arousal and attraction when she'd never felt that around her before. At least she didn't think she had, but her strong reaction to Maura's physical presence in her personal space seemed far too intense to be a one off thing that only just happened. She'd been that close to her in many aspects of their day to day life and couldn't remember feeling like that.
Maura allowed Jane the time to collect herself and didn't say anything else that would make Jane any more uncomfortable than she already was. But she did get a great personal enjoyment from seeing just how far out of alignment that simple bit of closeness and brief kiss knocked her.
"Do you have any other concerns?" She asked her grin still in place.
"Shut up." Jane grumbled, making Maura laugh at her softly. She couldn't help but smile at the sound of it. She took a deep breath and looked at the blonde, finally starting to feel a lot more comfortable with what they were about to do. "I guess now the only real thing I have left to figure out is what this means for my sexuality." Jane answered bluntly. "I imagine I'd have learned in the previous thirty six years of my life if I were gay. So to just flip the switch now seems strange."
"That's just the thing Jane. It's not a switch. Human sexuality is more of a sliding scale. Especially in women, researchers are finding there is rarely a black or white, gay or straight division to sexual orientation. There is no reason to label yourself or this relationship anything that makes you uncomfortable. This also doesn't change or negate any previous attractions or relationships you had with men." Maura explained easily knowing this was an odd subject for Jane to process, as she had such a limited and sort of constricted view on sex. "I would say, personally I have been attracted to many women in my lifetime, though I have only ever physically slept with one...just before medical school." she supplied for Jane when she looked up surprised "I wouldn't consider myself gay or even bisexual from just that. I have enjoyed my sexual relationships with men and would likely have continued to date men exclusively. However when it comes to you, I think I am attracted to much more than your gender, or sexual orientation. I am attracted to you as a person, as a whole. A whole that happens to be the same gender I am." She picked up Jane's hand again. "I am in no rush to label this, or to conform it to meet anyone else's standard of definition. I won't make you go to any Pride rallies or apply to any join LGBT associations when we get home."
Jane chuckled at that. "I didn't realize being gay had so much paperwork involved" But she nodded and tightened her fingers around Maura's "But yeah, I like that. A sliding scale.I can deal with that. And I agree, I am not attracted to you because you are a beautiful woman, which you are, but because you're Maura, my best friend and the best person I know."
Maura had to smile at that, she felt her cheeks heat up. "Thank you" she whispered between them. Knowing Jane felt the same way about her made her feel good and like this was a shared experience between them and not something she was pushing Jane through.
"So" Jane asked as her fingers slid through Maura's and linked them together. "What are your concerns?" She asked.
Maura smiled down at their joined hands. "Most of my concerns were over your reaction, honestly. But you seem to be doing really well. I'm very impressed." She teased her just a bit.
Jane shrugged and took her jibes "I just had to realize I needed to do whatever I could to keep you around."
"I promise you, I am telling you the absolute truth when I say, if this isn't something you want or think you can do and enjoy, we can end the marriage as soon as we get back to Boston and things will remain the exact same as always, no hard feelings. I just think we have been presented with an opportunity to make an existing relationship even better than it already is." she explained as she looked over their joined hands. "We have the opportunity to create a romance for ourselves we never even imagined."
"I didn't think of it like that," Jane admitted.
Maura nodded "Any time either one of us has dated someone in the past, I've selfishly worried about how that will affect us. Will I still get to see you outside of work? Will we still get to spend as much time together? Eat meals together as often? Breakfast, dinner almost every night? Of course not, that would be unfair to that other person. But not spending as much time with you as possible, is very saddening to me. But if you and I are together, nothing has to change with the day to day arrangement of our relationship, with the exception of sleeping agreements and perhaps how affectionate we are towards each other in private. Now, we get the added benefit of getting to sleep together, and loving each other in a more intimate way, and that sounds like something I want to try."
Jane was floored by how much Maura had thought about this and even more so by how much sense it made to her. None of it scared her when she listened to Mauras vision of them. "I want that with you." she told her, smiling at the thought of it. "What else are you concerned by before we lean into it."
"Nothing else yet." Maura shook her head easily. "If you're on board, I am on broad. We will have to pick a point later on to discuss logistics, like living arrangements and telling our family and friends. But I think that can be discussed later. Once we're sure we want to pursue this long term."
"That all sounds really good" Jane admitted as she watched Maura with a smile "How do we get there?"
"That's going to be something we both work on over time. But for now, I recommend we take the rest of the week here in Las Vegas away from our normal lives to lean into the new relationship and see how it fits before we complicate it with the details of home and -"
"My mother." Jane interjected.
Maura laughed at that. "Well, that's not what I was going to say, but yes. We need to figure this out before we add Angela to the mix. At least to the point where we know if we are working toward something or moving away from it" she clarified.
"Okay yeah. Let's do that. Take this week to try our relationship on and see how it fits." She suggested putting Maura's thoughts into her own words. "I'd like that," she decided with a smile. "So should I take you on a date?" She asked standing up and looking down at Maura with a smile.
"I think you better." Maura answered with a flirty grin as she stood, hand releasing itself from Jane's so she could wrap both arms around the taller woman and pull her into a tight hug. "I love you" Maura told her softly.
Jane's arms wrapped around Maura as well and she kissed the top of her head before leaning her cheek on Maura's hair "I love you too" she responded easily with a smile before a thought occurred to her. "If I had to get drunkenly married to anyone in Vegas I'm glad it was you"
"Me too." Maura responded gently, her cheek pressed to Jane's chest above her heart. "Can I request we take a few minutes, possibly an hour or so to just…rest? Today has been hectic to say the least."
"That actually sounds amazing." Jane agreed as she disengaged from Maura and moved to lay on the bed "Come here" she requested with an hand held out to the doctor.
Maura removed her blazer, leaving it hanging on a desk chair to keep from wrinkling, before crawling over to Jane and taking her hand.
Jane pulled Maura's body into hers so the blonde's head was resting on her shoulder and her arm draped over her stomach while Jane wrapped her arms around Maura's body.
Both of them settled into each other and just enjoyed the closeness and the comfort the other person brought to them.
Before either of them realized what happened, they were both fast asleep.