Part 30
Peyton turned onto her back and stared up at the ceiling, it was after two in the morning but she had so far been unable to sleep. Beside her laying on the table was the handset for the house phone. She had made Brooke promise to call her if she needed to and didn't want to chance missing the call if it came.
She had been worried about Brooke's behaviour ever since she had called yesterday afternoon. As much as she appreciated Brooke looking out for her and even trying to protect her, something just didn't feel right.
Why was Brooke in such a rush to let their friends know what had happened between them? And was the brunette really going to tell Lucas and the others that she was in love with her? Why would she do that? And why now?
Sighing Peyton turned over onto her side and pulled the cover over her head with a groan. Her head was beginning to hurt again, and she still had no idea how she felt over the whole thing.
It wasn't her place to say anything, so if Brooke wanted her friends to know, why was she having such a hard time over it.
God, what the hell is wrong with me?
So Brooke wants them to know she's gay, no one is going to make a big deal over it… well they better not anyway. Haley and Nathan won't care, and it isn't an issue for me, but maybe Luke would have trouble believing her. So she's dated a lot of guys, so what? If she's happy with who she is then that's all that matters.
But she said she was in love with me… does she want them to know that too?
"Argh!" She grumbled as she turned her face into the pillow beneath her. Staying awake wasn't the hard part she decided, it was not being able to switch her thoughts off. She could think of a million questions she wanted to talk over with Brooke, but right now she was in no position to get any answers so she was only becoming more and more frustrated over all of it.
Plus there was the look Brooke had given her when she'd said the doctors were going to be doing some tests in the morning. Brooke had looked afraid, and that terrified Peyton. Hasn't she been through enough?
The phone rang suddenly causing Peyton to throw her arm out towards it, hoping Nathan and Hale weren't disturbed.
"Brooke?" She asked hoarsely placing the receiver to her ear and sitting up.
"Hey." Came the soft reply.
Peyton waited a few seconds then asked. "Are you okay Brooke?"
Only the sound of the other girl breathing reached her ear.
"Brooke, are you okay?" She tried again.
"No."
Peyton frowned, wishing she hadn't listened and had just stayed with Brooke in the hospital anyway, no matter what she had said.
"Nightmares?" She hesitantly asked.
"No, I'm kinda afraid to try and sleep. I'd rather skip the nightmares Pey." Brooke informed her quietly.
Why wouldn't you let me stay then Brooke?
Peyton ran her hand over her eyes as she desperately tried to think of a solution that didn't involve her travelling to the hospital in the middle of the night. As much as she wanted to be right there with Brooke, she knew she'd refuse the offer saying it was too dangerous.
"Hang up." Peyton said having thought of something.
"What? Pey?" Brooke asks hastily.
"It's okay." The blonde says trying to calm her friend down. "I'm going to call you straight back then we can talk as long as you want okay?" She said soothingly.
"Oh, are you sure?" Brooke asks.
"Yes, it's not like I'm sleeping over here anyway, so hang up and I'll call you back."
Peyton listen as Brooke cut the call off and then proceeded to do as she'd said and made the call, the other girl picked up on the first ring.
"And just why did we do that?"
"Because that isn't a contract cell, and this way we won't just get cut off. If you want to we can talk until I see you in the morning." Peyton explained.
"In the morning? But I'm not getting out then, Peyton."
"I don't care when they're letting you out Brooke, I'm coming over as soon as Nathan can get up okay?"
"Why?" Brooke asks not sure what to think of that idea.
"You really have to ask? Brooke don't you want me there?" Peyton asks shakily, had she got it so wrong, did Brooke not actually want her help through all of this?
"But, why would you want to?" Brooke asks softly.
"What are you talking about?" Peyton said trying to control her emotions and not wake the couple sleeping just a room away from her. "Brooke of course I want to be there, you're my best friend and I want to help you any way I can."
Peyton waited for Brooke's response but none came.
"Please Brooke? Will you just talk to me? I only want to help you." Peyton pleaded as she felt her eyes sting.
"You can't."
"Why? Brooke… you can tell me anything, you know that. I'll do anything I can but you need to tell me what to do, I don't know what's wrong."
"I… he… when he…" Brooke tried but she couldn't force herself to say the words as she began to cry.
Peyton listened as her friend cried into the phone unable to continue speaking. Feeling her own tears on her cheeks she closed her eyes and hit the phone against her forehead, wishing all over again she had followed her gut instinct and hadn't left Brooke alone.
After almost a minute Peyton thought Brooke had calmed enough to perhaps speak again.
"Brooke, honey, are you okay?" She asked gently.
"He, Peyton… he…" Brooke stuttered out but Peyton could tell she was still too upset to be able to say what she was trying to.
"He hurt you?" Peyton asked hoping she wouldn't make things worse.
"Yes." Brooke replied with a sob.
"I know baby." Peyton whispered closing her eyes again and wanting nothing more than to be able to wrap the other girl in her arms and tell her everything was going to be okay.
"He might have… I could have…" Brooke said.
And that was all Peyton needed to work out what Brooke was trying to tell her.
"I know Brooke, but it's okay, it will be okay." Peyton responded as she wiped her face of tears again.
"You? You know?" Brooke asks fearfully.
"Yes." Peyton said. "And I don't care what the doctors say Brooke I think you're going to be fine. I mean no one knows if he has anything, right? And even if he does the odds are good you'll be okay right?" Peyton continued.
Brooke was sure now that Peyton knew exactly what she'd been trying to tell her, but how did you tell someone you were in love with that the man that raped you might have also given you a death sentence too.
Brooke swallowed as she tried to think of how to answer her friend.
"The odds suck Pey."
"Hey I don't know about that." Peyton said hoping to sound upbeat about it. "One in a thousand sounds pretty damn good to me."
"Try one in a hundred."
"What? But I looked it up it sai-"
"The odds of contracting HIV or AIDS from a partner during unprotected sex is one in a thousand, but…"
But it wasn't sex with a partner, it was rape. Peyton thought closing her eyes and willing herself not to start crying again.
"And I bled so… but hey at least with the stuff they gave me here I don't have to worry about getting pregnant right? So that's something." Brooke continued with a sniff.
Peyton didn't know what to say so they both fell silent.
"Are the doctors doing anything? I mean… can they do anything?" Peyton asked quietly.
"Yeah, actually I'm on some kind of post exposure meds, that could help stop it from being passed on."
"Well that's good right?" Peyton said, she was relieved that there was something the doctors could give her friend instead of telling her she would just have to wait for the outcome of the tests at six weeks and six months. She was sure this was better, this way they were doing something to actively prevent Brooke from contracting the disease.
"They might not work Peyton." Brooke tried to explain her worst fear.
"And he could be clean for all anyone knows Brooke." Peyton responded, although she now remembered Lucas telling her about a hooker that was dressed like her in the hospital back when Ian had been pretending to be her brother. Had Ian Banks been sleeping with prostitutes as well as raping the other girls he had murdered?
Just how at risk was Brooke?
"What if he's not Peyton? What then?" Brooke asks afraid of what the future held.
Peyton sighed.
"Then we'll deal with it Brooke, and in six months we'll know for sure one way or the other." She explained. "I'm not going anywhere Brooke, you don't have to do all of this alone."
"I'm scared Peyton." Brooke confided in a whisper.
Me too.
"Well I guess I'm just going to have to be confident enough for both of us then aren't I?" Peyton said. "You're going to be okay Brooke."
"You think so?"
"I really do, now are you going to tell me about whatever test it is they're going to do that upset you yesterday?" Peyton asked hoping to take Brooke's mind off more serious matters.
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Haley woke up to find the space beside her empty. Reaching a hand out she frowned as it became obvious by the cold sheets that Nathan had left her some time ago. With a sigh she managed to get out of the bed herself and make her way to the bathroom, because once again she needed to pee.
After taking care of that she walked into the kitchen to find Peyton already sitting at the counter. Today Brooke was getting released from the hospital, so she was a little surprised to see the blonde still there, having expected her to be at the hospital already acting like an expectant father about to take his newborn child home.
"Morning." Haley greets her before putting her hand over her mouth as she yawned.
"Morning, and someone's not getting enough sleep." Peyton replies with a smirk as she pops a bit of her muffin into her mouth. She had been watching the clock hoping Nathan would be back soon, so she was glad Haley was now up to distract her from worrying about seeing Brooke.
"Yeah, but not in a good way." Haley responded flashing a grin at the blonde. "And where has my husband disappeared to anyway?"
"Oh, he said he wanted to move the last couple of things over to his mom's before we headed out." Peyton answered glancing at her watch again, he still wouldn't be back for a while.
Haley nodded and then frowned looking at Peyton's breakfast which was her usual, a blueberry muffin and a cup of coffee. It was the fact that the top of the muffin lay untouched while she picked at the soft middle part that caused Haley to raise an eyebrow as she switched the kettle on.
"What?" Peyton asks seeing the look her breakfast had gotten.
"Nothing!"
"No really, what?" Peyton asks again thinking nothing was wrong with her choice of food to start the day with.
"You don't like the top?" Haley finally asked pointing to the discarded part that lay on the counter top.
"Nope, everyone knows the best part's the middle Hales." The blonde said with a wink before adding another bit to her mouthful.
"And to think I'm the one that's pregnant-"
"I'm not pregnant Haley!" Peyton says with a frown of her own, her mood souring.
Haley had only meant the comment as a flippant joke and was sorry to upset her friend.
"Hey, Peyton. I didn't mean anything by it." Haley says going over and placing her arm around the blonde.
Peyton shrugged, after everything that was going between her and Lucas lately she wasn't in the mood for any type of jokes about kids or families or the rest of her life right now.
"Forget it." Peyton says wanting to dismiss all thoughts currently going around her head.
"No, I'm really sorry if that upset you Peyton, I didn't mean it to." Haley says contritely moving to sit beside her friend who stares at the muffin now forgotten in her hand.
"You… do you not want kids Peyton?" Haley finally asks, not sure if the question would just offend her friend more or not.
Peyton sighs and after a minute stands and walks over into the living room area plopping her body down onto the couch.
"It's not that I don't want kids Hales." She begins as Haley follows her and moves her legs to sit down and then pulls them into her lap.
"Then what?" Haley asks giving a sock covered toe a playful tug.
Peyton swallows thinking about how best to answer that. She hadn't spoken to anyone before about the way she felt she'd like her future family to be. She guessed most people would think the way Haley did. That she'd fall in love, get married and have two point four kids.
Pulling at the stitching on the couch she looks at Haley who waits patiently for her to answer.
"My mom couldn't have loved me anymore than if she'd given birth to me. From my first memory of her until my last she was always there for me, loving me. She'd always make time for me, to play with me or make me laugh. And she was always there to wipe the tears and make things better, you know." Peyton says her eyes glazing over as she remembers just a handful of those times.
Haley nods letting her speak.
"That's what a mother is Haley, whether you're the one that gives birth or not. It's about loving a child and doing everything in your power to give them what they need. Up until the age of eight, when she died, she was my whole word Haley. I can only hope one day I'll get the chance to be that for someone too." Peyton finishes as she notices the tears on Haley's face with concern.
Haley laughs lightly and wipes at her eyes. That had probably been the best description of motherhood she had ever heard, she could only pray she and Nathan were ready for that task.
"So your mom was your whole world until she died, then Brooke became your whole world." Haley comments on Peyton's feelings about the two most important women in her life.
Peyton's eyes widened at the comparison. When had we been talking about Brooke, we were talking about having kids?
"Urgh…" Is all Peyton can manage as she tries to work out just what Haley was talking about.
Haley tries to hold in her laughter at Peyton's expression but can't prevent the wide grin on her face as she slaps at Peyton's leg.
"Calm down before you lose an eye ball Blondie, because I'm not helping to find it when it falls on the floor." Haley begins before losing her smile.
"I think it's about time I told you something." Haley says seriously which causes Peyton to pull her legs up and face her.
"Do you remember when Brooke wasn't speaking to you?" Haley starts, thinking back to that time. "When she was always hanging out with Rachel?"
Peyton nods, although it made her feel nervous, she hated being reminded of how badly things had been with Brooke until recently.
"I know she wasn't around you a lot and didn't really know what was going on in your life at the time."
Haley pauses for a breath and takes a look at Peyton. The blonde was completely focused on what she was saying but also looked worried about where this was going.
"We made small talk sometimes, on the way to practice or in the halls, you know? But most of the time we'd end up talking about you."
"What did she say?" Peyton asks confused.
"Just, asked how you were doing, if you were okay, going to class, that kind of stuff."
"But…"
"And then that whole thing with Ian happened to you, when Lucas and your real brother turned up in time." Haley continued.
Peyton shivered as she remembered just how lucky she had gotten that night.
"She was really worried about you Peyton."
Peyton thought about that because as far as she could remember Brooke had never really tried to talk to her around that time. Never asked how she was doing, if she was coping okay, nothing.
"The pain on her face when she looked at me Peyton. She'd just heard the rumours that were going around school and she was scared about what had happened to you. You'd missed a few days of school, and she pretty much begged me to tell her how you were doing, and what really happened to you." Haley continues grimacing and shaking her head to clear the memory.
"I didn't know what to tell her Peyton, I didn't even know everything that had happened to you, just the little bits Lucas had shared with me." Haley says reaching up to wipe her tears as she notice Peyton's eyes watering as well. "But I told her what I could, and she was just so relieved it wasn't worse, that you had Lucas and the real Derek helping you."
"So she still cared about me." Peyton asks softly.
"Peyton… cared about you? You've probably been her whole world since she met you." Haley continues giving Peyton a pat on the leg before standing. "I think it was hard for her to just stay away and let them help you through that, so don't think for a second that she ever stopped caring about you, I don't think that could be possible for her." Haley says before getting up and leaving the blonde alone.
So what did that mean because Peyton already knew Brooke cared about her.
She did come to my house and tell me that she was in love with me, but what did Haley mean about Brooke being my whole world after my mother died. Of course we were close we were best friends for years.
Of course I loved her.
But am I in love with her.
And if I am, what about Lucas?
Sighing she decided to think about all of this later because right now she had a best friend to go collect from the hospital. The fact that the idea of seeing Brooke right now made her stomach flip and a smile to cross her face didn't mean a thing.
Right?
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Nathan watched Peyton fidget as they waited to be let in to take Brooke home. He was beginning to think he should have had Haley come along too, maybe she could have gotten the other girl to relax.
"You okay Peyton?" He asked her.
"Yeah. Just… you know, worried about her." She replied as she shoved her hands into her jean pockets and waited impatiently. Her talk with Brooke a few hours ago was still fresh in her mind, and she hated that Brooke was hurting and that she wasn't there for her.
Was that how Brooke had felt when she had been attacked by Ian?
Peyton felt herself begin to choke up at the idea that Brooke had to sit back and just watch as Lucas and Derek helped her put the pieces back together after Ian had assaulted her in her house.
"Hey, you're definitely here early guys." Shannon said with a smile as she opened the door for them.
Peyton shrugged and walked in along with Nathan.
"So are you looking forward to having her back home?" The nurse asked.
"Yeah, just glad she's well enough to come home." Nathan answered casting a glance at Peyton who had completely ignored the question.
Peyton just focused on getting to Brooke's room without breaking into a run, she needed to see her friend as soon as possible, and make sure she really was okay.
"Hey." Brooke greeted them with a small nervous smile but her eyes refused to leave Peyton's gaze as the blonde approached her.
Nathan watched frowning as Peyton walked over to Brooke and pulled her into her arms silently. His eyes widened as her realised that both of the girls had started crying.
Shannon placed her had on the arm of the boy beside her as he continued staring at his friends.
"Why don't we leave them alone for a bit, come on." She said as she guided him back out of the room.
"But…" Nathan protested before allowing the nurse to give his friends some space and left the room with her.
"They'll be fine." She said closing the door behind her.
Nathan didn't look convinced, but he was sure that Peyton would be able to calm Brooke down on her own.
"Hey, Tracy why don't you take this gentleman up to six and try and find a wheelchair for our patient here." Shannon said to a passing nurse and watched as Nathan eventually went with her down the corridor.
Deciding to leave the two girls alone, she went to make sure everything was signed and ready for Brooke to leave the hospital.
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Peyton held Brooke as tightly as she could, rocking her slightly as they both tried to calm down.
"Please don't ever shut me out like that again Brooke." Peyton said her hand reaching up to cup the side of the other girls face. "Don't tell me you're okay when you aren't, just don't."
"I'm sorry." Brooke replied her hands still clutching at her friend.
"Don't send me away, Brooke, all I want is to help you, let me!" Peyton said with tears rolling down her face.
"I won't Peyton, I'm sorry." Brooke repeated before burrowing her face into her friends shoulder as she felt arms wrap around her again.
After a few minutes Peyton sighed and shifted again.
"Better?" She asked pulling back slightly from Brooke to look her in the eyes.
Brooke nodded as Peyton wiped some of her tears away from her eyes and leaned forward kissing her friend on the forehead.
"Why don't we get you dressed and get you out of here, okay?" She asked looking at Brooke again.
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"Hey, you two." Shannon says walking in to find Brooke dressed and ready to leave sitting beside Peyton on the bed, both of them were looking better now that they weren't as upset as they were before.
"Hey, what's that?" Brooke asks gesturing to the bag the nurse was holding.
"Well, it's…" Shannon begins before glancing to Peyton then back at Brooke with a raised eyebrow.
"It's fine, she knows everything." Brooke said getting a questioning look from Peyton.
"Okay well these are your PEP meds, along with some pain medication, if you have trouble or just want to ask something give me a call, my cards in the bag." The nurse continued as she handed the bag over to Brooke who simply passed it to Peyton.
"Now, I've said this before but you have to take this seriously, Brooke. You need to keep taking those pills every day for the next few weeks without fail alright? If you miss any they won't help, do you understand that?" Shannon said sternly, she didn't want to frighten either of the girls but it would surprise most people if they knew just how many patients stopped taking their medication after they were released.
And these drugs were too important to just miss taking for a few days.
"She'll take them." Peyton answered her as she placed the medication into Brooke's overnight bag, while all Brooke managed was a roll of her eyes.
"Yes I'll take them, every day, when I'm supposed to." Brooke finally answered as the nurse continued to look at her.
"Okay then." Shannon said hoping Brooke would do as she'd just said, but she suspected Peyton wouldn't let her miss any. She smirked at that.
"Well, now all you have to do is sign these and you're all squared away to end your lovely stay with us." She continued handing over a form and pen to the young girl and watching her sign her name with her injured hand.
"You still have a physio session here on Monday right?" The nurse asked as she took the form back off of Brooke.
"Yeah, but I have to speak to my school first." Brooke replied knowing her finals were supposed to start on Monday.
"I'm sure something can be worked out. Well it was nice meeting both of you, and I'm glad you're finally going home Brooke, take care okay?"
"Yeah, thanks for everything." Brooke said as Shannon left them alone again.
Brooke sighed, this was it, she really was about to go home and get out of the hell that was this room. No more beeping machines, no more doctors waking her at six in the morning, no more nurses standing watch as she showered.
Couldn't happen soon enough if you ask me.
"So are you ready to get out of this place?" Peyton asks Brooke with a smile.
Brooke rolls her eyes. "You know I wouldn't have objected if you'd got me out of here while I was still unconscious." She complains.
Peyton grins knowing just how much Brooke hated hospital food, and the clothing, and the bed sheets, and the colour of the walls, and bed baths and last but not least the dreaded bed pan.
"Well sorry, but you were hooked up to too many wires for my liking, wasn't sure which ones were the important ones." Peyton continues.
"Fine Blondie, but don't think I'll forget this in a hurry."
"So, you guys ready to get out of here?" Nathan asks coming into the room with a wheelchair accompanied by a nurse. He wanted to know why they had both been so upset before but as they were now both smiling he decided to let it go, for now at least. He'd corner one of them later or he'd get Haley to do it, that'd probably be the safer option.
Peyton smirks as she sees Brooke balk at the idea of being wheeled out.
"You know, I am perfectly capable of walking out of here with my own two feet, thank you very much." Brooke protests.
"Sorry but it's hospital policy. You want to leave, you leave in the chair." Replies the nurse while trying not to smile. Most people disliked having to leave this way but it really was for their own safety, well that and to prevent lawsuits.
"Come on Brooke just get it over with." Peyton encourages her as she lifts Brooke's overnight bag. "Let's go already."
"Fine, if I must." Brooke says admitting defeat and getting into the chair gently, protecting her side with her arm.
"You okay?" Nathan asks as she gets settled.
"Yeah." Brooke grunts. "Just keep this thing within the speed limits okay."
Nathan pouts at that. "Hey I'm a good driver." He says as they start to leave the room.
"Says the guy who put himself in the hospital after crashing a race car into a wall."
"No one was talking to you Blondie."
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AN/
You guys have no idea how much of a bitch that was to write, but I did promise she'd be going home in this chapter (that was only one chapter!?) and although she isn't back at the apartment yet she is leaving the hospital.
Sorry about the cookies guys, but I hope this made up for it :D
Thanks to everyone still reading, and those that review – thanks for taking the time out to, it means a lot!
Well, that's it…
The end of another chapter :(
Hope you can all come back next week for more fun filled laughter!!
;)