Hmm, don't Mondays still count as part of the weekend?
No? Must be a student thing then.
And yes I am aware that it's now March, but really February's a blink and you miss it kinda month.
Anyways.... enjoy!
Part 43
Nathan walked through the front door and tossed his car keys onto the side table that stood just inside the hallway. Finally, his night was almost at an end, and nothing appealed to him more right now than the thought of crawling into bed alongside his wife and just being thankful that he had found her so early on in his life.
Haley James Scott was the woman that single-handedly turned his world on its head and showed him what life was all about; love and family. Something that had been lacking in his life until she walked into his life and straight into his heart, so quickly that he'd never even put up a fight. One day he'd looked across the table at her as she tutored him and it hadn't been about getting back at his brother anymore, it had been about what could he do to get this amazing person to give him a chance?
Witnessing the heartache his friend was going through right now only reinforced how grateful he was to always have Haley to go to when he needed that unconditional love and support only a loved one could offer. She'd been disappointed in him over his actions in the whole betting scandal, but she had stood by him when he'd come clean, when he'd gone in front of all those cameras alone and admitted his mistake, when he'd accepted that he'd cost himself a chance at following his dream... and he knew that she always would be. If he screwed up, if he made the wrong decisions, if he let people down again, he knew she would be there beside him and together they'd get through it and move on.
And it was that kind of support he desperately wanted to be able to give Brooke right now, to show her that no matter how bad things might get for her she would always have his and Haley's complete understanding and help. That she could always come to them if she needed to.
Turning towards his room at the top of the stairs he paused for a second and concentrated, then with the beginnings of a smile he changed direction and tried to make as little noise as he could as he continued along the corridor.
xxxxxxxx
Haley looked down at the head in her lap, well technically Brooke's head was fighting for what little space the lump known as her son wasn't currently laying claim to. But it wasn't really a fair fight.
She smiled as she stroked her hand through the dark head of hair getting a soft moan of appreciation in return.
"You should be sleeping." Haley chastised softly.
Brooke kept her eyes firmly closed as she replied grumpily, "Tell your son to stop kicking me then."
Haley laughed silently as she continued to try to get her friend to fall asleep.
"I can feel that you know." Brooke complained with a pout.
"Maybe it was him? Ever think of that?" Haley deflected the blame.
Brooke turned onto her back and opened her eyes in astonishment at her friend. "He's not even born yet and you're already letting him take the blame for you? Shame on you Haley James Scott." Brooke said shaking her head in disappointment.
"Ha, I'll have you know I let him take the blame for a ton of stuff, most of which he is to blame for missy!"
"Oh? And what exactly can an unborn zero-year-old be responsible for?" Brooke asked.
"My sleepless nights for one thing, of which there are many, and he's soo grounded for each and every one..."
Brooke smiled for the first time in hours as she listened to Haley's complaints about the toll her son was taking on her life and her body. It didn't matter what Haley said it was clear from the warmth of her voice how much she loved her son.
"... have you any idea how long it's been since I've had a decent drink of coffee? And don't even get me started on the actual pain of childbirth I have to look forward to, but I'm letting Nathan take some of the blame for that one." Haley finished, grinning down at Brooke.
"And so you should." Brooke agreed. "In fact, I think you'll find Nathan hold's most of the blame for everything you're going through Hales."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah. He was the one that got you pregnant in the first place, Haley, can't really blame little Thumper for that now can you?"
Haley frowned. "You're right, it is all Nathan's fault."
Brooke snorted, pretty sure she'd just managed to get Nathan into trouble with his wife. Happy that she done her bit for the child she'd get to be an Aunt to, she turned back onto her side and closed her eyes again.
It didn't take long before Haley started stroking her head again.
"You're such a trouble maker Brooke Davis." Haley told her.
"But you love me anyway." Brooke replied, still smiling.
Yeah I do. She thought to herself and kept up her hand movements. Even with such a sucky night Brooke was still Brooke and always managed to find something to smile about. Haley didn't really think it was an act, more just the way Brooke had learned to cope with never having her parents to turn to when she needed them growing up.
Sure she'd always had Peyton to turn to, but not even the closest of friendships could replace the love a parent could offer their child. When sometimes all it would take was a hug and even the worst of situations would suddenly look brighter.
She sighed.
"Somewhere over the rainbow... way up high... there's a land that I heard of... once in a lullaby..." Haley began to sing softly, hoping to coax Brooke into falling asleep.
"Somewhere over the rainbow... skies are blue... and the dreams that you dare to dream, really do come true... hmm hmm mm mmm..." She continued softly as a noise caused her to look over at the doorway where she spotted her husband standing.
They shared a smile for a moment before he winked at her and disappeared from view.
Haley looked back down at her friend as she continued to hum the tune, Brooke looked to have finally drifted off but she decided to finish the next few lines of the song just in case.
"Somewhere over the rainbow... bluebirds fly... birds fly, over the rainbow... why then, oh why... can't I?"
Then she stayed silent for a few more minutes before she was satisfied the brunette had fallen asleep and eased out from under her.
"Night Brooke."
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As Haley settled into their bed Nathan leaned over to give her a kiss but she pulled away from him.
"And don't think you can just kiss me like that'll make everything okay, it doesn't." She huffed as she turned her back to him.
Eyes wide, Nathan froze in place. "What did I do?" He asked cautiously, knowing just how temperamental his heavily pregnant wife could be.
"Oh, don't even try to play innocent!"
He puzzled through his recent memories as he edged a little closer to Haley. "Why don't you remind me?" He asked, it wasn't her birthday, or their anniversary, he was pretty sure anyway.
Suddenly the covers were thrown back as Haley turned blazing eyes on him.
Oh boy.
"You got me pregnant!!" She explained poking a finger into his chest for good measure. "Which means everything's your fault!"
And with that she grabbed up the blanket again and turned back over facing away from him.
"Oh, that." Nathan replied. He smiled to himself as he watched her scoot backwards until she was touching him, then he gently slide his arm over to rest on her swollen stomach, grinning even more as she laced her fingers through his.
He kissed her shoulder before moving his lips to her ear. "Everything's my fault?" He asked.
"Uh huh." She replied, no longer mad at him, not that she ever truly had been.
He kissed the tip of her ear. "But it's going to be such a cute baby."
She finally turned over and was rewarded with a nice slow kiss from her husband.
She smiled up at him.
"Totally the cutest!" She agreed before drawing him into another kiss.
xxxxxxx
The tears were still occasionally falling from her eyelids when she blinked, but Peyton didn't seem to notice as she moved around the empty apartment.
It didn't feel right to her anymore, Brooke should have been here.
And as the blonde drifted into the kitchen she could almost still hear the party going on around her as it had when she'd arrived back with Nathan in tow. Closing her eyes she could still hear Brooke's laugh ringing out at something Bevin had just said. She remembered looking across the room at the sound, wanting to see her best friend enjoying herself, only to be caught by those hazel eyes and being unable to look away, waiting instead to be release by a wink before Brooke turned her attention back to the conversation going on around her.
How had she not known?
Even in the midst of a party and after a few drinks, Peyton was still able to keep part of herself focused on where Brooke was and what she was up to. Something she'd always just attributed to her role as the best friend, but it was more than that and it always had been.
Peyton was the only one that knew Brooke completely, could pick up on the subtle changes in expressions or differences in her speech. During parties and nights out to clubs she spent time listening out carefully for her tone of voice, checking to see if the laughter was faked, or if she looked tired, waiting for the first sign that it was time for them to head home.
Brooke had a reputation for being one of the last to leave a party, but it would only take a few words from Peyton and the brunette would let herself be persuaded into calling it a night.
She'd always put Brooke first, personally she loathed going to big get-togethers with the basketball team and the cheerleaders, crowds had never been her thing, but for Brooke? It was never that hard to temper her natural desire to be alone, not when it meant spending time with Brooke.
And going to parties was a big thing for Brooke, even if it had taken Peyton a while to figure it out. It was during these that Brooke got the kind of attention that she'd never get at home, not with two absentee parents. The other cheerleader worshiped the ground she walked on, and the guys? Well they were guys; they all wanted her. And she even let some of them have her, if only for a short time.
Being so blatantly admired gave Brooke a self-confidence that, although partially misplaced, provided a sense of worth. That, even if her parents overlooked her for the majority of her life, these people did not. Even if it stemmed from jealous or lust, Brooke didn't really care, it was enough just to be noticed.
But a lot of it was an act, Peyton knew.
So Peyton stood guard over her friend, and willingly provided the excuses when the pretence began to falter. They'd never needed to talk about it, it was just something both had accepted, they'd go to the parties, play the game, and then eventually the act would come to an end.
And it was never an act when it was just the two of them.
Brooke had never needed to seek Peyton's approval; she'd had it from the moment they'd met as children all those years ago. The blonde had never asked Brooke to be anyone other than who she was, just as Brooke had never cared that Peyton was her own person, never willing to bow to any kind of peer pressure to conform.
Peyton might have taken part in the game, but she played it for Brooke.
That sure as hell explains the whole cheerleading thing! Peyton thought with a half-smile on her face as she opened her eyes.
She was still alone in the apartment.
Damn.
She blinked rapidly as her vision blurred and leaned heavily against the kitchen counter.
I'd give anything to be able to hear you laughing right now, Brooke.
But Peyton knew without a doubt that laughing would be the furthest thing in Brooke's mind right now. With a sadness that seemed to surround her, Peyton wiped her eyes and walked out of the kitchen and headed for the bedroom. She hesitated in the doorway as her mind flashed to memories of Brooke waking her up the other morning, of them tickling each other, laughing, and then falling silent as they both just looked at each other, smiles still in place, eyes twinkling.
She remembered the warmth that had spread over her as she continued staring at the brunette who'd closed her eyes for a moment. Remembered being pulled in and touching foreheads before pulling away and just grinning at the other girl, butterflies raged in her stomach as they both seemed to be waiting for something... but then a throat cleared and the spell had been broken.
Peyton swallowed as she stared at the bed.
Was I going to kiss her? Was I going to kiss her the first time only to chicken out at the last second? I didn't lift my head all the way back up... I was still so close to her I could feel her breaths on my face...
I was... I was just about to lean back down and kiss Brooke when...
Peyton's eyes screwed shut as the tears started again.
She might have come close to kissing Brooke that morning, but tonight she had been kissing someone.
Lucas.
And she'd kissed him back, allowed herself to be brought here, allowed it to go beyond just kissing.
Her eyes popped open and she stared at the bed as her breathing became erratic and her hands sporadically clenched and unclenched.
She hated this bed, hated that Lucas had lain in it only hours before, hated that Brooke had seen him in it.
She grabbed for the covers, still lying where Lucas had tossed them in his rush to dress after Brooke had run off.
You shouldn't have been here!
She gathered them up and tossed them to the side, the weight of them knocking down several boxes that had been moved out of the front room for the party.
This was our bed!
A pillow hit the wall, followed by a second.
You didn't belong here!
Collapsing onto the stripped bed, Peyton hit the mattress with her fists over and over again as she cried.
She hated Lucas for ever coming into her life, hated him for causing the rift that had threatened her friendship with Brooke last year.
Hated that she'd let him come between them for a second time.
Hated that because of her feelings for him she'd hurt Brooke all over again. Hated, that while Brooke had the grace to end things with Lucas because of her, she hadn't been strong enough not to pursue him in the end.
She hated that she hadn't been strong enough to choose Brooke.
Because in her heart she knew Brooke would have always chosen her.
"It should have been you Brooke... it should have been you."
xxxxxxx
"Ugh?!" Nathan rolled over, his arm banging in the direction of the alarm clock.
But the noise continued to sound into the room.
Blinking to try and clear his sleep deprived brain, he managed to figure out that the unrelenting pounding in his head was due to his cell phone buzzing on the bedside table.
With a crack of his jaw as he yawned, Nathan grabbed the device and turned onto his side hoping that Haley had managed to remain sleeping.
"Yeah?" He whispered to the caller, just as his eyes took in the empty space beside him.
"She's gone!"
Sitting up and reaching for a light, Nathan wasn't sure he had heard right, although he was pretty sure it was Lucas on the other end.
"She's gone Nate, she's not here."
"Who are you talking about Lucas? What time is it?" Nathan asked, before closing his eyes when he noticed that it was a little after four in the morning. Haley probably woke up to use the bathroom, or maybe she couldn't sleep.
"I don't know... didn't you hear what I said Nate, she isn't here!"
Nathan sighed and got out of bed and slipped on his jeans.
"Who isn't th-"
"Peyton!!"
Nathan winced as he'd jammed the phone against his shoulder and therefore wasn't able to escape the volume projected across the line by his brother as he shouted at him.
Of course Peyton's missing. Shaking his head Nathan meandered out into the hallway with a heavy sigh as he went in search of his wife. While Lucas was still in a state of panic and yammering on a one sided conversation, Nate stopped at the guestroom to check if Haley had gone in to see Brooke but Haley wasn't there, and neither was Brooke.
Great, now everyone's missing. With a shake of his head Nathan moved back towards his own room where he planned on getting the rest of his clothes.
"Listen, Luke, why don't you just stay there and I'll come over. And then we'll go look for Peyton, okay?" He said, to which Lucas seemed to agree.
Now I just have to find Haley and let her know what's going on, without mentioning it to Brooke, last thing she needs to hear is that no one knows where Peyton is.
Shouldn't be too hard, right?
xxxxxxx
"How many kids do we have?"
Haley jumped at the question not having heard Nathan walking up behind her. "God, don't do that! Do you want me to go into labour?" She asked him, her hand in the middle of her chest.
He smiled at her and kissed her on the check. "Sorry."
"Uh huh, sure." She replied doubtfully then pointed to her lips not satisfied with his greeting.
"That's better." She said as he kissed her properly. "And technically we've yet to have a child; this one hasn't finished cooking yet." She continued as she rubbed her hand over her belly.
"Hmm." His expression disagreeing with her statement. "Then why doesn't it feel like that?"
Haley groaned, not sure she should ask. "What's happened now?"
Nathan hesitated and glanced around. "Where's Brooke?"
"Out there," Haley said indicating the back porch. "I was just about to go check on her."
He sighed and pulled her into a hug. "Lucas just called. Peyton's gone missing."
"Missing?" She asked in shock.
"That's what he said. He's over at her apartment right now and says she isn't there."
Starting to worry about her friend, Haley wasn't sure what they could do but given her husbands state of dress she guessed he was about to head over there. "You don't think anything's happened to her do you?"
He shook his head from side to side. "I don't think so, you know how Peyton can get Hales..."
"Yeah." Haley agreed remembering Peyton had gone off on her own twice in recent memory.
"Plus she might just not want to talk to Lucas, he said she broke up with him earlier."
"Really?" That didn't come as much of a surprise to Haley, only that it hadn't ended sooner.
Would have saved a lot of heartache. She thought glancing towards Brooke.
Nathan followed her gaze then moved behind his wife and held her.
"Hmm." Haley smiled, enjoying the feeling of Nathan with his arms around her, it had always made her feel safe and loved.
"How's she doing?" He asked her quietly.
Haley sighed and turned in his arms to look up at him. "Not good. I don't think she's slept much, I heard her pass the hallway not long after I woke about an hour ago. I thought she was getting a drink or something but when she never came straight back up I came down."
Her eyes shifted towards the backdoor again as she shrugged.
"Thankfully it's stopped raining. I've been sitting with her but we haven't really talked... she's been crying some... I'm not sure I'm helping..."
"Hey, of course you are Hales. But there's a lot she has to deal with, not just what happened back at the apartment. Just knowing she has you there to turn to is enough Haley, trust me."
"I hope so Nathan, I really do, but I'm beginning to think that she should be talking to someone about all of this." Haley said to him.
Nathan brows furrowed. "What? Like some kind of shrink?"
She nodded. "She obviously needs some kind of professional counselling Nathan, she isn't sleeping, she hasn't really talked to any of us about what happened, and if she has been talking to Peyton she can't do that now, I just don-"
"Give her some time Hales, if she isn't ready yet she isn't ready." He told her, not wanting her to make a suggestion that could cause more harm than good to their friend.
Haley exhaled and smoothed back her hair. "Yeah, maybe." She conceded. "But she has to talk to someone Nate, it can't be good for her to keep all of it inside."
He nodded having much the same opinion, only his thoughts centred on Brooke's dependence on a certain blonde, and the damage that would be done if they both couldn't sort out last nights problem.
"Everything will work out Haley." He tried to reassure her, then grinned and moved closer. "Now kiss me and wish me luck, cause I'm thinking I might need it."
She kissed him.
"Good luck."
She kissed him again.
They looked at each other for a moment before Nathan eased away from her and headed towards the front door.
"Nathan," She called out causing him to turn back around. "Don't even think of bringing back any more problems into this house tonight, you got that?" She mock threatened him with a wag of her finger.
"Do my best dear."
Haley watched him leave then sighed heavily as she move to the two forgotten mugs of hot chocolate she'd left on the counter to cool down. Picking them up she headed over to the microwave to give them a quick reheat before going back out to Brooke.
I swear Nathan, if you let Lucas walk through that door with you tonight I'll ring your neck.
She hoped he'd be aware enough not to bring his brother back no matter what condition he found him in when he got over there.
But you never knew with Nathan.
xxxxxxx
Nathan halted his run up the front steps as he spotted Lucas sitting at the top with a bottle of beer in his hand.
"Hey, Luke." He greeted his brother cautiously as it became apparent from the number of empty bottles next to him that Lucas was probably well past drunk by now. As he got to the top he glanced towards the open door of Brooke and Peyton's apartment.
"I told you, she's gone." Lucas says before taking another swallow. He could tell Nathan wanted to check the place out himself because he was still standing there beside him. "But feel free to see for yourself..." He continued, but Nathan had already moved passed him into the apartment before he had a chance finish.
"You know something Nate?" He said as he found another bottle and opened it. "And you'll find this funny I'm sure... but I have no idea why I'm here." He said before laughing to himself. Behind him could hear his brother walking around the apartment, open and close a door and then walk around some more.
He shook his head and downed half of the bottle in his hand. I already told him she wasn't here but he still has to see for himself, still has to act like Dan, it can't be true until he says it is.
Nathan closed the apartment door with a deep sigh before moving to sit beside Lucas. He wasn't sure what to think, but chances were that Peyton just couldn't stand to be here right now.
And if that stripped down bed is anything to go by...
With another sigh, Nathan picked up an empty bottle and worked at peeling off the label, not sure what he could do for his brother right now.
"I used to hate you, I mean really hate you," Lucas said, turning to his brother.
"Thanks for that." Nate mumbled.
"I hated you because you had it... all of it, a mom, dad, basketball, everything! You even had Peyton!" He continued, slamming his beer down. "But none of that was enough for you, was it?"
"Not for good old Nathan Scott!" He chuckled as he took another drink.
Nathan looked at his brother closely for a second, wondering how much of this tirade he'd remember come morning. His big brother was sitting next to him, telling him how much he'd hated him, and the only thing he could feel was how sorry he was for the pain Lucas was in right now.
"I'm sorry Peyton broke up with you, Lucas." He told him, but Lucas just finished off his beer.
"And you treated her like crap, the whole time you dated, you didn't give a shit about her!" Lucas bit out, before realizing that he was out of beer and throwing the empty bottle in his hand out towards the street where it smashed across the road.
"Damn Lucas! Will you chill out?" Nathan said as he flinched at his brothers actions, still trying to ignore most of what he was saying. He had made his peace with Peyton over the way things had gone between them when they'd dated, and he had no intention of trying to explain any of it to Lucas right now.
"Why?" Lucas shouted as he stood and haphazardly made his way down the steps with Nathan not far behind him. "You treated her like she was dirt, Nathan..." He continued in a slightly calmer tone. "And she kept coming back to you... me? All I wanted was Peyton... for years I wanted her." He finally explained as he collapsed onto the wet grass and looked up at his brother standing above him.
Nathan could see the tears start to fall.
"I just want Peyton, Nate. That's what I've always wanted."
"I know Luke." Nathan knelt down beside him and patted him on the back a few times as he cried and sniffled. Then as Lucas wiped his arm over his face, he grabbed him by the arm and helped him to his feet. "Come on bro, let's get you home."
"And you slept with her!" Lucas said bitterly as he stumbled over to the jeep and let Nathan strap his seat belt in place before glaring at his younger brother as he started the engine up.
Nathan wisely chose to remain silent.
"You slept with Peyton first... and you slept with Brooke first too!" He accused.
Nathan also knew better than to comment on that piece of information either. He wasn't entirely sure what Lucas was trying to get at but he knew his brother was probably hurting pretty badly if Peyton had just dumped him.
And chances were good Lucas wouldn't even remember sounding like the jealous jack-ass he was being right now anyway.
"What?" He asked, confused by the sudden grin on Lucas' face.
"I know a secret." The blonde whispered, before his finger covered his lips. "But Peyton doesn't know I know, but I do... I know." His grin widened.
"Okay?" Nathan frowned.
"And she thinks... but she's wrong, and I'm going to tell her... and it won't matter, because I don't care!" Lucas trailed off happily.
Nathan didn't have a clue what to think, other than his son would probably make more sense than Lucas right now. Deciding to leave Lucas to his thoughts he continued on the journey back to Karen's, where he'd drop Lucas off and then he'd take a look around for Peyton.
"I know the secret... I know..." Lucas said softly as he leaned his head against the passenger side door. "She's leaving on a jet plane... not sure... when... she'll... be back... she's... leave..."
Nathan blinked in shock as the words Lucas had just slurred filtered through his mind and sent a wave of panic throughout his body.
No way?
Now he really had to find Peyton.
xxxxxxxx
The silence was beginning to bother Haley. She'd gotten a few words out of the brunette and she didn't seem to mind her presence, she just didn't want to talk to her.
And it's not like I can force her to talk if she doesn't want to. She thought to herself with a sigh knowing if it had been Nathan or even Lucas she would have gotten away with it, but not with Brooke.
"You can go back inside Haley, I don't need a babysitter." Brooke said having heard the sigh. She had been looking out into the darkened garden lost in her own thoughts anyway, so there was really no need for the pregnant girl to be putting herself through this.
"Sorry," Haley apologised, not wanting Brooke to think she was upset with her. "I just want you to talk about it, whatever it is Brooke." She explained.
Brooke still hadn't looked in her direction. "There's nothing to talk about."
Like Hell there isn't Brooke!
"I just want to help Brooke, we all do."
Brooke was quiet for a while after that, leaving Haley to sit and wait before she managed to reply.
"But you can't help me Haley."
"Maybe if you let me try."
"You can't!" Brooke shouted frustrated by the whole conversation.
"Brooke, you have to talk to someone this isn't good-"
"Don't you want to know what the problem is Haley? Do you really want to know?" Brooke asked cutting her off as she turned tear filled eyes to her friend.
"Oh, Brooke."
Brooke ignored the sympathetic look she was getting.
"I'm in love with Peyton, Haley, but she doesn't love me!" Brooke spat out as her heart seemed to break a little bit more. "Is that what you wanted to hear?"
xxxxxxxx
"Guess this is the night for breaking shit." Nathan mumbled to himself as he stared down at the computer screen laying broken at his feet.
Hands jammed into his jeans he stood there looking from the screen to the broken window of Peyton's bedroom as he had been for the last five minutes.
When she's pissed, she's really pissed.
He sighed and stepped over the machine and bits of the window pane that had followed it down. He was still shocked that Peyton had come back here, to this place where so much had happened.
But he guessed that Peyton was in one of her 'moods' which was why he'd chance coming here in the first place. It wasn't completely self-destructive but there had always been a part of the blonde that seemed to need the misery, a part that... enjoyed it?
Peyton's bedroom wasn't like other bedrooms, the blonde let her feelings out in her drawing, and the walls of her room were just another canvas waiting to be adorned with her inner emotions.
It wasn't really a happy place to be if you really thought about it, but for some reason the blonde found a comfort in it.
He thought he'd be stuck at the front door waiting to see if Peyton would let him in, but the blonde hadn't even bothered to lock the door behind her when she entered.
And that was something she would never have done normally, but she'd also left the apartment door open when she'd left there.
Guess tonight has been that normal for anyone.
The lights were out but he'd been there often enough not to need them to find his way to Peyton's room. He was slightly relieved however, that from what he could see that there didn't appear to be any other damage to the house other than whatever had taken place in Peyton's room.
That door was open too, and what he saw made his jaw drop. He and Lucas had taken a lot out of the room and packed it up for the blonde, but they hadn't taken everything.
And what they had left was now beyond description, the shelves had been knocked over onto the floor, books lay on the floor along with items of clothing that hadn't been left here, there two chairs in the room were on the floor, bedside cabinets had been upended. The lamps had been broken, the rest of the computer was scattered around the room, even the main light hadn't survived, it was just carnage.
"There you are... I thought, maybe..." Nathan said in relief at seeing Peyton sat against the wall under the broken window.
She looked at him questioningly but he shook his head and moved gingerly across the room and sat down beside her.
"Never mind." He told her as he cleared a bit of glass from his spot.
"I was worried about you." He said, his voice expressing the extent of his concern, but he was glad he'd found her safe and sound.
When it seemed Peyton had no desire to start a conversation he looked around and couldn't help but remember what had taken place in this room not too long ago. He would never forget how he'd felt walking in here with Lucas that time, it still made him shiver just thinking about it. So it was hard for him to believe that Peyton was even willing to step foot in here, even if it was just to trash the place.
"I still am... worried about you Peyton." He continued. Between Brooke, Lucas and Peyton tonight, he wasn't quit sure how much more helpless he wanted to feel. All three of them were a mess and all he could offer them was a shoulder to cry on and a few words he hoped passed as comfort.
Not much consultation to his friends right now, not when it seemed like their lives were falling down around them.
"Don't be," Peyton laughed as she caught his glance at the broken piece of glass he'd moved. "I'm not planning on killing myself, if that's what you're thinking."
It wasn't before you said that.
Peyton stared off into space as her hand came down to trace over her jeans where the scar was on her leg. "But sometimes I think about it..."
Nathan was on the wrong side of her to see what she'd done, but he was concerned by the glazed look in her eyes. He quickly scanned the room, but there was nothing he could see that indicated that she'd taken anything.
"Think about what?" He asked hoping to snap her out of it. He knew she was upset, the trashed room and broken computer lying on the lawn kinda gave that away big style, but she wouldn't have touched drugs, right?
I sure as hell hope not, or I'm hauling her ass straight to the hospital.
"About how much better it would have been for everyone if I had died that day." She told him with no emotion at all.
He felt like he couldn't breathe for a second and then he grabbed her arm tightly. "What? What? You can't mean that Peyton!" He said, shaking her.
That broke the hold she had on her tears and she angrily pulled out of his grip and got to her feet.
"Of course I mean it! I mean come on Nate, think about it!" She shouted as she moved franticly around the mess. This room used to be hers, but like everything else she'd ever loved, it had been taken from her, like her mom, like Ellie, like her dad never being around, like Brooke.
No.
Not like Brooke.
She knew where the blame rested for that one.
Nathan watched on helplessly as Peyton cried and wrapped her arms around herself as she stopped in the middle of the room.
"I wouldn't have kissed Lucas so he and Brooke wouldn't have broken up. Keith would never have died and left Karen alone to bring up their child... and then-"
"Hey," Nathan had heard enough and moved in front of her, gently tilting her tear stained face up to his and stared straight into her eyes. "You don't know that, you can't know any of that, Peyton, you hear me?"
He watched her lip tremble as his own eyes watered as he thought back to that day, thought back to how terrified he'd been seeing that gun first hand. He hadn't been afraid for himself, he'd been afraid something would happen and Haley would be left alone, left a widow before she had even a chance to graduate from high school.
"Do you really think Brooke loves Lucas?" He asked her but she just stared back at him. "Do you Peyton?" He repeated, demanding that she answered him.
But... She knew the answer, she was just afraid to say it out loud, so she closed her eyes as tightly as she could.
"Do you?" He asked again with another shake.
"No." She finally whispered.
"Right!" He agreed and relaxed a little. He no longer thought that Peyton might have taken some kind of drug but it was clear she was a wreck.
"And Peyton," He continued softly as she watched him now. "Keith would have gone into that building no matter who was inside, that's just who he was." He explained. Everyone missed him, none more so than Karen and the child he would never see grow up, but Peyton hadn't caused him to be there that day and she shouldn't think her death could have prevented his.
Life and death don't work that way.
But guilt was a funny thing. It eats away at you, and if you can't accept your mistakes and find a way to deal with them, to make things right, then it would never let you go. Even if you managed to push it to the back of your mind and forget for a while, it would always creep back eventually.
It was hard to out run your conscience.
If you had one.
Nathan sighed. He didn't think for a second that Peyton really thought her dying that day would have made everything better for everyone else, but he did have a good idea who this was about.
"Now do you want to tell me what all of this is really about?" He says looking around what was left of her room then raising his eyebrow at her.
She scowled back at him and pulled away enough to fold her arms over her chest.
He just continued watching her, the edge of his lips curling a little.
Her shoulders slumped and her eyes watered again.
"She hates me." She let out before ducking her head down to stare at the floor.
"Come here," He said as she easily wrapped her arms around him and clung on as she sobbed. "She doesn't hate you Peyton."
She mumbled something into his chest which he understood as her disagreeing with him.
"No she doesn't, she might be upset, a little, but I'm sure by morning she won't even remember why she stayed at ours." He offered even though he didn't believe that for a second himself.
"Liar."
He smiled above her.
"Okay, she might remember," He conceded. "But that doesn't mean she'll still be upset."
Peyton sniffed a couple of times as they stood there.
"You really think so?" She asked.
"Yeah, I do."
"But she wouldn't even come home, she doesn't want to be anywhere near me." She said feeling her lip begin to tremble again as she thought that maybe things wouldn't be better in the morning.
"Listen," Nathan began not wanting Peyton to get upset all over again. "What do you say to come back home with me now and that way in the mor-"
"Thank you!" Peyton said as she hugged him as hard as she could.
"That's okay." He said as she finally let him breath again. He straightened his back and cringed as he felt something pop back into place. "Glad I can help."
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"This the last of it?" Nathan asked as he picked up the second box and headed back to his jeep with it.
"Yeah." Peyton said walking with him. She'd pack a few things that had been left the first time, things Lucas and Nathan wouldn't have known she wanted.
Nathan closed the trunk and looked over to see Peyton staring up at her bedroom. He'd found a piece of boarding that he had nail into place while Peyton packed, he'd even moved the glass and computer around the back of the house to the trash can, but her room was still a mess.
He had finished before she had and when he went sit a chair upright Peyton had told him sternly to leave it where it was.
He hadn't touched anything else after that.
"I'm never coming back here you know." Peyton said eyes still on the piece of wood up there.
Yeah, I know Peyton.
"Come on, let's get back before the sun gets up." He said, getting the blonde to move finally.
Peyton strapped herself in and stole one last look at her house before it disappeared into the distance as Nathan drove them away.
She had mixed feelings about her decision tonight, that house still held so many memories of her time with her mother, but it also held her worst memory... and that was enough to be able to turn her back on the place.
She didn't need the house to be able to remember her mom, those memories she kept safe, and if they ever started to fade, she had albums of pictures and drawings to replace them.
It felt like an ending, or maybe a beginning.
The girl in the red room wasn't her anymore, she couldn't be that person after everything that had happened, it was time for her to start looking forward instead of constantly remembering the past.
The past wasn't something she had the power to change no matter how desperately she wanted to, so she would have to learn to accept it focus on the here and now and the decisions she made for her own future.
She had to focus on what she wanted, and right now that was only one thing.
Brooke.
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"You sure about this?"
Peyton nodded as she and Nathan made their way through his house towards the back. If Brooke was still up then she might as well get this over with right now.
Not that she wasn't scared to death at the thought of talking to Brooke, because she was.
"Okay then if you're sure."
"I'm sure." Peyton said trying to sound more confident than she felt.
Nathan shook his head but he had done his part, now it was up to Brooke and Peyton to try and fix things between them.
He watched as Peyton stopped in the kitchen and was going to ask if she'd changed her mind about talking with Brooke when he realised why she had stopped.
She could see Haley sitting out there with her arms around Brooke.
Shit, Haley's probably going to kill me for this.
Before he could say anything Peyton had already made it to the back door and had it opened.
With a deep breath and what she hoped passed for a smile Peyton stepped out onto the back porch causing both Haley and Brooke to turn around.
"Hey guys." She offered, but Brooke had taken off across the grass the moment she had seen her.
Haley gingerly got herself up from where they'd been sitting and walked over to place her hand on the blondes arm as she saw the crestfallen look on her face as her eyes followed Brooke. "Go easy on her Peyton, she's really hurting right now."
Peyton nodded. "I know."
"I'll leave you to it." Haley said before going in search of her husband who she planned on smacking over the head the minute she fond him.
Peyton watched the door close behind Haley before she redirected her view back out towards Brooke. She understood the reaction she'd got, not blaming the brunette at all for wanting to get as much distance as possible between them right now.
Slowly she made her way down the steps and across the rain soaked grass in pursuit of her friend. Brooke was in no condition to be running anywhere so Peyton didn't want to act like she was chasing after her, she just needed them to talk.
If it was too upsetting for the cheerleader to do that with her right now then Peyton would accept it and walk back into the house and leave her alone for the rest of the night.
Luckily for Peyton, Brooke hadn't gone too far before standing still. Though she had her back to the blonde, Peyton made enough noise walking over to know Brooke was aware she was coming.
Finally she was standing beside the brunette, not too close, she didn't want to upset Brooke if she could avoid it.
"We need to talk Brooke." Peyton said softly, conscious of how rigid the other girls posture was.
"No, we don't. There's nothing to talk about Peyton." Brooke replied not wanting to do this. Not now, not here, maybe not ever.
Wouldn't it be better that way? Never hear the words that would tear her apart, never have to face the truth, wouldn't that be better?
That way she would always be able to look back and think, what if?
Wasn't it better to keep holding on to a dream, than letting it be tarnished by harsh reality?
Brooke began walking along a hedge row lost in her own thoughts, her hand brushing against several leaves, as she kept her back to the blonde.
"Yes there is Brooke, you know there is!" Peyton demanded as she followed the other girl. She could see Brooke was favouring her bad leg, and as much as she wanted to have Brooke go back inside and rest it, this conversation had to happen.
It was well overdue.
"We need to talk about us Brooke." She said softly, knowing she'd still be heard.
"I can't do this Peyton… I can't be the better person in this. I can't pretend to be okay with you loving him…" She shoved her pain down, not wanting it to show in her voice, as she blinked back tears. "And it's so fucking Dawson's Creek to fall in love with the girl you've known your whole life, but I couldn't help it Peyton, I swear I tried… I just…" She stopped as her hand covered her mouth to hold in a sob.
She had gone over and over it in her head, how, that no matter how much Peyton loved her, she just didn't love her like that. But when Nathan came back into the picture she'd known that it'd never been about love between them, and that let her hold on to that dream, just a little. Peyton had never loved Nathan and Nathan had never really loved Peyton.
And as much she resented his interest in the blonde, it had burned that he'd gotten to be with her in a way no one else had... and it hadn't meant much of anything to him.
When it would have meant everything to her.
But she'd known her one-sided feelings would never be returned, so she'd smiled and pretended to be happy for her friend when she had quietly confessed to her that they'd gone all the way one night.
She just couldn't pretend anymore.
She loved Peyton with everything she had and it hurt so much knowing that it was all for nothing, because Peyton loved Lucas, not her.
There was no way to deny that fact anymore, no way to erase the image of them together, of knowing it would never be her in Peyton's arms.
"So, that's it? You're just giving up?" Peyton accused, as she tentatively took a few steps closer to the brunette. "When has Brooke Davis not gotten what she wanted?"
Brooke turned, her vision blurred by tears. "I..."
"God damn it Brooke! Why are you just giving up? Why aren't you fighting for me if I'm what you want?"
"Because I can't have you, Lucas is-"
Peyton groaned at the mention of his name. "Stop!" She shouted at Brooke, frightening her, then moved closer and took the brunette's face into her hands. "Just stop." She said softly, her voice steadier now. "This isn't about him, this is about us, just you and me. So for two seconds just pretend Lucas Scott doesn't fucking exist and tell me what you want!"
Brooke stared into those green eyes just inches from her own and couldn't help but wonder what would be left of their friendship after this night was over. She could feel the hands on her face shake, could see the desperation in the eyes locked with her own.
"What do you want Brooke?" Peyton repeated as her eyes searched those inches from her.
Silence stretched as Brooke struggled to find her voice.
"You... Peyton, I need you." She whispered into the space between them.
Peyton had known that was what Brooke would say, had been expecting it, but she hadn't known that it would break something inside her at the same time. She cried harder and pulled away from the other girl.
"Then why aren't you fighting for me?" She demanded. "If you love me so much, need me so much, why are you letting me go?"
Brooke swallowed, and retreated a step away from the blonde, shaking her head in denial. "I'm not."
"You are!" Peyton shouted as she refused to let the brunette get any further from her and closed the distance again grabbing to hold Brooke by the arm. "You're doing it right now, why?"
Brooke closed her eyes tightly. Was she really giving up on Peyton? No, that couldn't be true. She'd never give up on the blonde, she just needed to find a way to deal with her feelings, deal with being around her all the time but not having her.
And she wasn't at all sure that was something she could be okay with.
Ever.
"If you love me then fight for me, Brooke, please!" Peyton begged as she cried. It didn't matter how much Brooke denied it, to the blonde it felt like she was saying goodbye.
She wanted to scream and shout and shake Brooke until she got angry at her, until she got any kind of reaction other than this… acceptance. This wasn't Brooke, not the Brooke Davis she'd known most of her life. That Brooke would never just give up on something she desperately wanted, not when it was right there in front of her and all she had to do was reach out and take it.
Come on Brooke, please, just tell me…
"I'm afraid." Brooke confessed to Peyton in a broken whisper.
Finally, Peyton thought, glad that she now had something to work with. She loosened her grip and let her hands come around Brooke's waist, pulling just enough to bring them a little closer. "Of what?" She asked softly.
Brooke couldn't look at her.
I'm afraid of the pity in your eyes when you tell me you love him.
I'm afraid of losing you to someone that makes you happy.
I'm afraid that when I loo-
Brooke only remembered to breathe again when her lungs started to burn from lack of oxygen.
"What was that?" She asked as she blinked her eyes open to look into the watery green eyes in front of her.
Peyton still held Brooke's face in her hands as she waited cautiously for a reaction, and cursed herself for doing the wrong thing, at the wrong time. Again.
"A kiss?"
"You kissed me?" Brooke asked in amazement.
Peyton wasn't sure if this was the beginnings of a good reaction, or a very, very, bad one. "Uhh... yeah?" She said letting her hands drop to her side.
"You. Kissed. Me?" Brooke repeated still in a daze. It had been over with so quickly she'd thought she must have imagined it, but she could still feel the blonde's lips on her own. And without even thinking her hand raised and she touched her own mouth.
Peyton just kissed me.
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AN/ Okay was that good for you guys??
Make up for taking so long?
Hope you liked it, thanks for reading and I apologise if you dislike the ending of the chapter ;) but the fun will continue at a later date!!
Next time.