Part 54

Peyton had never felt this nervous before. Even the very first time she'd slept with Nathan hadn't been this bad. And that hadn't been one of the best experiences based on what she could remember.

She couldn't believe she was stumped with something as simple as where to place her hands, but she couldn't help but worry over ever little detail. She was barely touching Brooke as they kissed, and as much as she really wanted to just enjoy the moment most of her thoughts were taken by trying to do everything she could to make Brooke feel safe doing this with her.

Brooke was doing the most amazing thing with her tongue so whatever they were doing Peyton wanted Brooke to just keep doing it.

"You can touch me you know." Brooke whispered as she eased out of the kiss. Peyton's lips were a little swollen and Brooke just had to run her finger along them. She loved kissing the blonde. Apart from the actual act of love making, there was nothing more intimate than kissing someone, and a kiss could tell a lot about how you felt for the other person. Personally Brooke was very fond of soft kisses, the ones you could spend hours on and never even notice. Of course that wasn't to say she didn't enjoy fast hard kissing that spoke of the desire and desperate need to move things along to the next stage.

But for right now, the soft gentle way Peyton was responding to her was just shy of perfection. The small draw back, and it really was tiny, was that she could feel how nervous the blonde was, and she didn't want that.

She didn't want Peyton to be afraid to touch her, afraid to take the lead if she wanted to.

Generally she preferred to be in as much control as she could, but this was Peyton, the one person she knew with all her heart she could just lose herself with.

And be completely safe with at the same time.

"Sorry, I just...I didn't want to..." Peyton blushed as Brooke quirked an eyebrow at her.

Brooke waited but Peyton didn't expand on those few words.

Brooke frowned, looking down at the blonde but she wouldn't make eye contact. That's when the little voice in the back of her mind, the one that still had trouble believing Peyton wanted to be with her in the first place, spoke up a little louder. The blonde's hesitancy and continued silence wasn't helping her feel any better either.

What if she doesn't want to be with me? What if that's the real reason she's so uncertain about touching me? I mean it's not long since Haley was here and I cut my hand, maybe I'm too much of a risk to be with now.

She shook her head not wanting to think like that, but it saddened her because it might just be close to the truth. "It's okay Peyton," She said softly, her voice thick and raspy. "We can just go to sleep." She offered, pulling away from the blonde.

Peyton frowned wondering what the brunette was thinking. It obviously wasn't nice given the look on her face. "No Brooke, that's not what I want."

Brooke didn't believe her. She must have been kidding herself to think Peyton would actually want to be with, especially now.

Damaged goods, that's all I'll ever be from now on.

"Brooke?" Peyton asked, her hand going to Brooke's arm and holding her in place.

Brooke cast her eyes to the side as she remained in position on top of the blonde, and then she whispered, "I can't change what happened to me Peyton."

Peyton froze, staring at the bowed head in front of her. Afraid she didn't have the words to make Brooke understand that she wasn't put off by her rape, she was only trying to make things easier for Brooke to deal with.

Brooke sighed, trying not to cry as she laid her head down on Peyton's shoulder, grateful her friend still allowed her this much comfort. Crying wouldn't do any good now, other than to upset Peyton even more, and she already knew the blonde felt responsible enough for what she had gone through. She tensed when she felt Peyton's hands on her back, holding her, but it didn't take long for her to relax again.

"I just don't want to always be that. The girl that was raped." She swallowed hard as Peyton tightened her hold and she had to try harder to hold the tears back. "I just wanted it to be me when it's like this, I can't...I..."

Peyton closed her eyes and just held on, her throat had constricted to the point she wouldn't have been able to speak anyway. But she hated that Brooke was still in so much pain. Intellectually she knew it would be a long time, if ever, for Brooke to truly feel close to the same again.

"That's not...I just don't want to hurt you Brooke." Peyton told her once she could speak again but she had to feel her way with her words, not wanting to make the situation any worse for her friend. "I don't want to...touch you the wrong way, or in the wrong place..." She tried to explain as she felt Brooke suck in a deep breath. "After everything you've been through, I just...I don't want us, me, to do anything that ever makes you feel like that again."

"You won't."

"But what if I do?" Peyton asked pleadingly, willing Brooke to understand her fear. It was one thing to say she wouldn't and of course she'd never mean to, but this was uncharted territory for Brooke now. This was the first time she was considering being intimate after her ordeal. How could she even be sure how she would react to something Peyton did?

They both laid there quietly for a while. Both wondering if they knew the best way forward, and if that was even possible.

Brooke huffed out a frustrated breath as Peyton's fingers combed softly through her hair. "Things were so much easier when it was just about sex." She muttered.

Peyton grinned and tried her best not to laugh, but couldn't help chuckling a little.

"I heard that." Brooke accused looking up at Peyton for the first time in a while. Peyton just smile back at her.

Then the smile faltered as Peyton stared at the chocolate coloured eyes gazing at her. She drew a finger tip along Brooke's jaw line and then tapped the tip of her nose, smiling again when the skin around her nose wrinkled at the touch.

"I'm glad this isn't just about sex Brooke." She told her.

Brooke swallowed, feeling nervous about the conversation but she gave Peyton her full attention.

"You mean more to me than that. I hope you know that." Peyton said and got a nod of reply from the brunette. "Good." It was her turn to sigh. "I do want to be with you, in every way." She whispered softly as Brooke's eyes flickered between her own. "But I'm willing to wait however long it takes for us to get there. I'm not going anywhere Brooke."

Brooke closed her eyes and all her worries, for now anyway, began to dissolve. Peyton always seemed to know what to say to her. She didn't know how she did it, but she loved her just a little bit more for it. She opened her eyes again and smiled at the blonde.

"Sorry for losing it." She said.

Peyton shook her head. "Don't apologise, its okay if it takes us a while to figure this out."

Brooke smirked shifting herself a little closer to Peyton. "So we should practise?" She asked thinking that was kinda what it sounded like Peyton was suggesting.

Peyton blushed and swallowed as her reply stuck in her throat.

"I think that's a great idea." Brooke said, aware that once again she had Peyton at her mercy, which was definitely beginning to be a turn on for her. She loved that it was so easy for her to get the other girl so flustered, and you just couldn't fake that.

"So, where were we again?" Brooke asked as she leant forward enough to initiate a rather steamy kiss.

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Karen accepted the cup of water from her son as he returned to join her in the waiting room. "Thanks." She said taking a sip.

Lucas nodded and looked off towards the set of doors he wasn't allowed through. "You think everything's okay in there?"

Karen smiled and patted him on the leg. "I'm sure we'll find out soon."

Lucas sighed and moved to rest his elbows on his knees. It was late and he had an exam first thing he'd planned to be spending his time studying up on, but there wasn't ever a question of where he'd rather be.

Very soon his brother could walk through those doors and inform him he was now an uncle.

It was a little strange to think that in relation to himself when he hadn't even graduated high school yet, but here he was waiting on the birth of his nephew.

"I'm surprised Brooke and Peyton haven't got here yet." Karen said glancing around. Deb was here of course, inside with Nathan and the doctors attending to Haley. Karen was thankful it was the other woman that was going to becoming a grandmother tonight. It could have so easily been her own son in there she knew, recalling his pregnancy scare with Brooke last year.

But it wasn't Lucas and for that she was grateful as she rubbed her own swollen stomach.

She was about to be a mother for the second time, adding a grandchild on to the top of that would have been a little too much to deal with.

Lucas snorted.

"What?" Karen asked him.

He shrugged but said nothing.

Karen gave him a look. "You did call them didn't you?"

Lucas clenched his teeth together. Why should he be the one to call? And beside it wasn't like he had been given her new number, he had it now, but that was only because he'd copied it over from Nate's cell phone.

"Lucas?"

"What?" He replied with a scowl.

Karen ignored his attitude having gotten used to it around the house lately. "Did you call them or not? I'm sure Haley and Nathan would both appreciate having them here for this."

"Maybe I think tonight should just be about family." He said bitingly. He sighed when his mother gave him a scolding look. He held his hands up. "They can come tomorrow, I'm sure their sleeping now anyway and I don't want to have to leave now, so, I'll go round in the morning and let them know."

Karen still didn't look happy with her son.

"Are you ready to tell me the full story about what's been going on then?" She said, not appreciating the lack of information she'd been given that would account for his attitude of late.

"Don't know what you mean." He said evenly.

Karen wasn't stupid and Debbie had been filling her in on what she knew of the situation.

"Peyton." She said hoping just mentioning her name would get him talking to her.

Lucas ran his tongue over his teeth. "What about her?" He asked feigning indifference.

"I heard she broke up with you?" She said, softening her voice, aware how much her son had cared for the girl.

Lucas made a noise but didn't confirm or deny the accuracy of his mother's information.

Karen frowned, seeing the muscles along her son's jaw clenching. So it is true.

She wasn't sure how to feel about this, Peyton had always seemed a nice enough girl but maybe it was for the best. High school was almost over and then everyone would be going their own separate ways, perhaps, in the long run, this was better for Lucas.

"What happened?" She asked kindly, conscious that her son was hurting over the break-up.

"How about you tell me!" He demanded instead. He'd been racking his brain but he still couldn't figure it out. Nothing fit. He'd been pretty stupid over the posters but his intent had been in the right place. She'd been distant with him ever since Nate's party before the prom but still, he didn't think anything he'd done or said warranted breaking up over, so there had to be something else, he just didn't know what.

"Watch your tone." She informed him, not willing to be spoken to like that. Lucas may be an adult but he was also her son and he knew better than to take out his frustrations like this. But if this is how he acted with her, it might go a long way to explaining why he wasn't spending more time with his friends.

Lucas sighed. "Sorry." He knew he shouldn't be taking it out on his mother but the only person that could explain what had gone wrong and why Peyton had ended it with him was the one person he couldn't seem to get anywhere near enough to ask.

Peyton herself.

If Nathan and Haley weren't telling him to give her time, it was Brooke that got in the way.

Karen wished she could tell him that even the pain of having your heart broken fades with time, or that she obviously couldn't have been the right girl for him if things between them had come apart so quickly. Instead she kept silent and offered only an arm around his shoulders.

Life offered up many heartaches and some individuals suffered more than most. But what kept you going through all of the pain and hurt was the promise of better moments, life's glorious miracles, because they made the struggle of the journey, no matter how long, worth it.

One of those very same miracles grew insides her at this very moment. And while she still felt the ache of his loss, Keith's presence in her life would continue and that made the pain easier to live with.

She looked at Lucas, wondering for the first time if he missed Keith in his own life as much as she did. Keith had always been able to put a smile on when it was needed, but he'd also been able to kick Lucas out of his moods when it was needed as well.

She sighed, wondering if she could find a few words of wisdom for her son the way Keith would have if given the task, but before she could say anything she spotted Nathan's figure walking towards them looking exhausted but with a smile on his face.

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AN/So this is were I thank everyone for reading - THANK YOU!!!