authorsnote: editing this in 2023 is making me hype to write it again

I will update more often (solemn vow)

songrecs: I can't pretend - tom odell

'There is no shame in fear, my Father told me, what matters is how we face it'

- Jon Snow to Samwell Tarly

-x-

As much as Sansa wished to remain in Jon's arm for a lot longer, she knew that soon their absences from their lessons would be noted, and they could not afford anymore suspicion upon them now. And so, reluctantly she pulled away from Jon and pulled a face that made him laugh as they both pulled back. She didn't want to leave him, but she knew they needed to go about their days, convince everyone that everything was normal and chiefly convince her Father there was nothing to worry about.

And so, she stepped away from him. Jon gave her a small smile at her displeased expression before placing a gentle kiss to her forehead. She let out a sigh as his lips contacted her skin and smiled to herself. They both had their days to be getting on with now, as much as she wished they could just hide away together for a little while.

For a moment Sansa's mind drifted away as she thought over the meeting in her Fathers solar, just minutes earlier. They had both agreed when embarking on this plan, that if it succeeded, they wouldn't tell anyone in this time about the future, or where they had come from and how they'd done so. For a moment she doubted whether they had been right; should they have told her Father what they knew? Try to get him to help?

In the future she and Jon were powerful, rulers of the North with influence and power, but now? Now they were just children. For a moment she felt so small, so insignificant…

A Queen no longer.

They had come back to change things, but how could they possibly do that in their current positions?

"Sansa?" Jon's voice broke her out of her worrying and she smiled at him in an attempt to reassure him, but Jon knew her better than that, and he shot her look that meant she hadn't fooled him, not a bit. With a small sigh, she relayed her worries to him.

"Do you think we should have told my Father?" She asked, her voice dropping to a whisper as she stepped closer to Jon, to ensure if anyone walked past or appeared, they would not be overheard, "Enlisted his help perhaps?"

Jon raised an eyebrow in surprise at her line of thought, but his expression turned more neutral as he mulled it over before shaking his head.

"Even in the rare event he would have believed us … it would complicate things, set off events we're not ready for yet. Plus, I doubt he would believe us, probably thought us insane, lackwit or ill, we couldn't risk that, you know that, we talked about this before"

"I know" Sansa said with a nod, after all they had discussed this at length back in their timeline, going back and forth over whether they should tell anyone, "I just feel like it's going to be so hard Jon" She bit down on her lip then, to pause before continuing, "We're not King and Queen here"

A Queen no more.

With that Jon pulled her into another hug, which she wanted to resist; she was far too reliant on his comfort and that would be far too suspicious here. And yet she couldn't help but melt into his embrace, it had been a hard morning, and she knew things were not going to get any easier. And so, though she knew she needed to not seek her husbands embrace quite as much she couldn't resist for the moment.

Just for a moment.

"No, but we can still make change, we made plans, we can do this" Jon replied into her hair, and she nodded, he was right.

She was just scared, she wasn't afraid to admit that, she felt it was right to be scared, they had so much to do and very little time to do so, but they had made plans, smart plans, and if they pulled them off then things would be better for the Stark family.

"We can do this Sansa" Jon confirmed, and again she nodded before pulling away from him.

"Okay" Sansa said then, stepping back once more, her fears a little alleviated; they had big changes to make yes, but she was sure they could do it … together.

They may not be the King and Queen here, but they had their skills. Jon had become one of the best swordsmen in the known world, she had tutored under Littlefinger and as awful as Baelish had been and she had not mourned his death he had taught her a lot, same as Cersei, also dead in their timeline but had imparted some wisdom to Sansa. They were both smart, beyond their years and they knew what was to come. They may not have any power here, but they had their talents, that would have to be enough.

"Now come " Jon said with a small smile, "We'll just settle in today aye? And we'll worry about the future tomorrow" With that Sansa did feel reassured, they had to just take it one day at a time, and today was about reuniting with their family, today was about settling into this new reality, and coming to terms with it all. That she could do, that she wanted to do.

"Alright" Sansa said, a small smile appearing on her own features then, "I best be going then" She said, though she didn't move for a moment, instead she just adjusted Jon's cloak around her shoulders, she didn't care what her Mother said, she wasn't removing it. This would be her comfort throughout the day when Jon was not with her, and she was not giving that up. "I'll see you later?"

"Of course," Jon said with a grin, leaning in quickly for a chaste kiss, but unwilling to risk anymore in case anyone was watching. Still, Sansa melted into it with a smile before pulling back and composing herself.

"I love you" Sansa said, aware her voice was a little quiet … for she was nervous, how could she not be? Littlefinger and Cersei had often taught her that fear was a weakness, but she disagreed, fear could be utilised, and she planned to do just that, she would use her fear to spur her actions, to remind her of the important work they had to do, to remind her not to slip up.

"As I do you" Jon said in response, "Now it's time for us to go, I'll see you at lunch, and dinner, and then I'll come to your room tonight, alright?" At that she felt reassured and nodded, and with a deep breath, she found the strength to move on, and make her way out of her bedroom and through the corridors.

If she remembered correctly, she was due with Septa Mordane that morning, the lessons would be useless to her now, but she could make some positive changes during the lessons, and with that thought (and one last look at her room, from which Jon emerged, shot her a smile and then hurried in the opposite direction), she made her way forward, she could do this.

But as she hurried down the corridor, the cloak around her shoulders a great comfort to her, she failed to notice the shadowy figure stood in the small alcove by her room door …

Her Father, who had heard every word between the supposed siblings and who's look of horror did not fade as she hurried away. She did not see such a look, nor did she see him hurry back to his solar, at double speed.

That was going to be a problem.

Jon wished he didn't have to go to his lessons. Once he had begged to go, Lord Stark had stood his ground against Lady Stark and had insisted Jon be allowed to attend Robb's lessons with him and he had been over the moon at the time. But now? Now he wished to have more free time, he would hardly learn anything new from the lessons.

Still, it would be good to spend some time with Robb and it was important to go about their usual routines to stop any suspicions. And so, once he reached the door to the classroom he only paused for a minute before slipping inside.

He entered the room and worked to keep a scowl off of his features. He had forgotten that Theon attended these lessons. He didn't dislike Theon for what he had done in the future, the man had more than made up for his wrong doings and had been honoured for his heroism in their future, but the Theon he was facing now? Ugh, he had been insufferable, and Jon was not likely to take his insults and barbs on the chin now, though looking through the eyes of a boy he was a man now, he would take no disrespect here.

"Ahh Jon" Maester Luwin smiled as Jon hurried inside, "Please have a seat" He said with a nod and Jon took a place to Robb's right, Theon sat on his cousins left. Jon shot the Maester a smile as he continued on, he had always liked the man. Their Maester in the future had been good, but he could never have compared to Luwin.

"Everything okay brother?" Robb said in a hushed tone as Luwin began to give an overview of political alliances in the North (something Jon knew almost too much about, Sansa's doing). He flinched a little at Robb's words; 'brother' it saddened him to know they weren't brothers, never had been, though Jon did consider him one if not in blood, in spirit, and he hoped if Robb ever learned the truth of his parentage, he would feel the same way.

He remembered when he had found out himself, been so worried the remaining Starks would turn their back on him. Of course, they hadn't, they had accepted him and treated him the same … except Sansa of course, though her change in attitude had led to something much different and the happy marriage they were in now.

"Fine" Jon said in response, he did smile as he looked at Robb, he had missed him greatly. He had wished in the past to go to his side when he had heard he had called the banners, but his other brothers had bought him back to the Wall. He knew if he had done as such, he likely would have died at the Twins too, and then who would have stopped the army of the dead? Still, it was good to see him again, alive, and well and a boy once more.

"Hmm" Luwin hummed, interrupting the boy's whispered conversation with a raised eyebrows and a slightly disapproving expression, "Boys try to follow along, Jon, tell me the current head of House Glover, and the minor houses sworn to him, if you'd been listening, you'd know" He seemed almost amused, and Jon near rolled his eyes. He had never massively enjoyed politics, but he knew it well, Sansa had seen to that.

"Current head is Lord Galbert Glover, minor houses sworn are Houses Woods, Branch and Bole" Jon replied with a nod. Sansa had drilled this information into him night after night once he had been crowned as King in the North. He had become adept at looking at house loyalties and using them when necessary. Sure, he was better at fighting, Sansa was better at the deception and lies of politics, but he was good too, better at diplomacy and that knowledge was all still in his head.

"Very good Jon" Maester Luwin said in slight surprise, and Jon saw Robb's look of surprise mirror the Maesters. Theon looked irritated and shot him a glare, to which Jon readily held his gaze for a change, to which Theon dropped his in surprise. Jon had meant what he'd thought, he wouldn't let Theon intimidate or harass him.

He did acknowledge he had to be careful here though, very careful, he couldn't give away too much about how he had changed, his knowledge or his skills. Still, he knew in the training yard he wouldn't dampen down his skills too much, especially if he was faced against Theon in a sparring match. In the future he may have forgiven the him, but he felt Theon could use some sense knocked into him now, rather than waiting for the cut of a Bolton's knife to do so.

"Nice one Jon" Robb muttered under his breath, and Jon couldn't help but smile at his cousin, he really had missed him, he had missed him as a friend, a voice of reason, and as a brother, Jon still considered him one, and always would, regardless of his parentage.

"I missed you, you know" Jon couldn't help but say, as Robb turned to him with a smile and a roll of his eyes, though he did look pleased.

"You saw me yesterday you softie" He replied to which Jon couldn't help but laugh, setting Robb off too, which got them both a glare from Maester Luwin.

At that they both settled down, though still smiling, and Jon couldn't help but feel a little bit happier, it did feel good to be back, despite the problems, and the worries (and the fact he knew Sansa would micromanage everything to death until he'd be forced to kiss her to stop her worrying), it was all worth it, that was all he had to keep telling himself when things got hard; it was all worth it.

Sansa was worrying of course, as she hurried down the corridors to the Septa's teaching room. She gave a hurried apology as she walked in and moved to sit not in her usual seat but next to Arya instead. Her relationship with her sister had been better in the future, closer, but it had gone through unnecessary strife before then which she hoped to avoid now. She would do better at understanding Arya now, at treating her kindly, and now seemed like the perfect opportunity to do so.

And so, for a moment she tried to put her worries out of her mind, to ignore them and focus on the now. One look at Arya did help, as she watched her little sister struggle with her stitches. She was reminded that this was what they had come back for, this was why they had come back: for family, for the pack.

She didn't want to miss being back with her loved ones by being constantly anxious and spending all of her time planning and fussing. She needed to enjoy being with them again, or else why bother?

Picking up her sewing supplies, Sansa ignored Jeyne trying to call her over, and instead quickly began to thread, the sooner she got it finished, the sooner it would be done. She remembered when sewing, dancing, playing the lute had all been so important to her, but now? Now they were useful in other regards, but not those the Septa intended.

Sewing was useful for sewing leather onto armour stitching a wound on the battlefield or embroidering the direwolf on her dress for a war council. The lute could be used to calm a dying man or bring comfort to those marching into battle. Dancing was good for distraction on a night of celebration or a gentle exercise for ladies trapped in the castle as men went off to fight. They had their uses, but she now saw little point in sewing pretty flowers and tapestries (except perhaps for the joy of it). Sure, she still found some enjoyment in sewing her own dresses and gowns, but this? This seemed pointless.

Her fingers were quick now, but clumsier than they had been, thanks to her younger body and hands. She was still fast, stitching the house sigil, the direwolf of the Starks onto her plain background efficiently and with ease. The only real time in the future Sansa had tried to keep her sewing 'pretty' had been when stitching Jon's clothes or her own, or when she'd had a rare chunk of time just to enjoy embroidering one of her own dresses, though those moments had become few and far between, and pretty fell way to practical.

"Oh Arya" She heard the Septa say and Sansa stiffened slightly, "Awful work child, why can't you get this right?" The Septa admonished and Sansa found herself rolling her eyes in response… at least wishing to.

"She will Septa" Sansa replied, her tone making it evidently clear how annoyed she was at the woman's words but still polite as punch, "Give her time" She said simply, she missed the look of shock on Arya's face, and the looks of surprise the other girls gave her.

"Lady Sansa, your own needlework today is rougher than usual, but still a sight better than your sisters! Please do not intercede when I am trying to teach" the Septa said, she too surprised but more annoyed at Sansa's uncharacteristic interruption.

"I will intercede if I think you're being unfair Septa" Sansa shot back, knowing she could balance the fine line between standing up for her sister and not giving herself away, again. Apparently, Jon wasn't her only risk of becoming emotional. Still, she tempered herself, adopted the smile she'd used when needing to be neutral as Queen, and spoke.

"Arya will get it in her own time and is vastly more skilled than all of us in many other pursuits" She said with a nod.

"Sansa, what are you doing!" Jeyne said across the room, her face incredulous to what Sansa was saying, "No need to stick up for Arya horse face!"

Sansa felt her temper flare then, as well as a spike of guilt stabbing at her. She had used that nickname against her own little sister, and she felt awful for it in hindsight, why had she been so cruel? So desperate to fit in with the other girls and distance herself from her admittedly unruly sister? Well, no more, that would change, starting now.

She had promised herself she would do better by Arya and do better she would as she rose to her feet, and sent a chilling glare towards Jeyne Poole.

Sansa still liked the girl, new the horrors Jeyne had endured with Ramsey Bolton, when she had been sold as a makeshift for Arya, but she would not tolerate this against Arya, felt that stab of guilt again that she had ever contributed to it.

"Don't you dare speak of my sister like that again Jeyne" Sansa said coldly, as she glanced down at Arya, who still looked in shock at her sister's change of attitude, "How dare you presume to insult her, she is a member of the ruling house of the North, of your Liege Lord" There was some of the Sansa most of them remembered, the snob obsessed with status, "If I hear you insulting her again I will see it as an insult to House Stark, and then my Father will be forced to get involved" She said "Do you understand?"

At that Jeyne and the rest of the girls nodded, Septa Mordane seemed shocked and went to hurry out of the room, mumbling about finding Lady Catelyn, but Sansa sat herself back down and turned to her little sister who still looked surprised, and perhaps a little teary eyed now, which again made Sansa feel awful, she should have always stuck up for her like this, and she would now.

Sansa would not fail her again.

"If any of them speak to you in such a way again, come straight to me, okay?" Sansa said, her voice far gentler as she spoke to Arya, and got a good look at her for the first time. Here was her innocent little sister, obsessed with sword fighting and acting like a little boy. Gone was the cold assassin with her long, long list. Sansa would do everything she could to keep her as the innocent child, for as long as possible.

"Thanks Sansa" Arya replied with a small smile, and Sansa nodded, reaching up to stroke her hand over her little sisters' hair before glancing at her needlework.

"Your stitching really is dreadful Arya" She said with a small smile, a little laugh leaving her lips which Arya caught onto. Once they stopped Sansa spoke again, "Why don't you try to stitch our sigil instead of some silly flowers?" She asked with an encouraging nod and smile, "Hmm? Our sigil is something to be proud of, put work into it, really try and then you can be proud of stitching our great house sigil, the sigil of our ancestors"

"Okay" Arya said in response; Sansa knew her little sister would never love stitching but as she grabbed new supplies and began to work, she seemed to be trying hard. Her hands were steady, her expression determined, and Sansa smiled as she went back to her own work.

This is why they'd come back, to help their family, to keep the Starks together and happy. Sansa felt good about helping Arya, she also felt a little better, and hoped she could foster a closeness between them, she certainly would try, and as Arya saw her watching and grinned at her, Sansa smiled back with happiness. Yes, she wanted to be close to Arya this time around. After all, they had come back for one main reason: family.

'Family, duty, honour' Her mothers' words, and they were right, family came first.

The lone wolf dies but the pack survives.

Words from both her houses, words to live by.

The day moved slowly from there on with little incident. Jon and Robb happily chatted away over lunch, and Sansa was happy to leave them be, shooting Jon a smile before settling in next to Rickon and taking over his feeding, which her mother accepted gratefully.

She didn't complain as Rickon splatted mashed potatoes over the table, staining her dress, only laughed, and then tickled him before encouraging him to eat his carrots. She was quick with her own lunch before moving onto lemon cakes, they were still her favourite and hard to come by in the future, so she felt she could indulge herself.

Lessons in the afternoon dragged on equally, but thankfully she sat was able to sit in between Bran and Arya as Maester Luwin talked them through the noble houses of the North and their importance. Sansa already well informed on the topic (obviously) was happy to help her siblings, and the smiles on their faces and the Maesters by the time they broke for dinner had her smiling too.

A hard start to the day had been passed, and the rest of the day had been much better, not just for her, but for Jon too.

Jon had spent the afternoon sparring, and though it had been difficult to reel back his skills and try to ignore instincts he had honed over years, he had found his physical body needed to catch up to allow him to pull off some of the moves he had learnt over the years.

And so, bar the odd sparring session (in which yes, he did beat both Theon and Robb with ease), Jon focused instead on the physical activities that would bring his strength and muscle back, weights, drills and push ups were his preferred activities as Master Rodrick oversaw sparring between Theon and Robb. He was determined to get his strength back; he would need it in the fights to come.

For both of them it had been an odd start to the day but had gotten better as they went through it. As dinner came they both sat apart again (though shot each other more than a few glances), Sansa sat with Arya and Bran, happily listening to their stories about their recent races against one another, and who was faster (both insisted they were, and Sansa couldn't help but laugh at their outraged faces as she refused to pick a side), Jon sat with Robb, soaking up all the lost time with his brother in all things but blood, the two happily chatting away about sparring techniques, which in truth Jon didn't need to learn about, but was just happy to have Robb back.

Neither of them noticed, through lunch or dinner that Lord Stark was noticeably quiet, and brushed off his wife's concerns, insisted he was thinking over economic reports from the North. Neither of them even thought to suspect something as he watched them shoot one another glances and smiles, and neither of them thought anything of walking out together, walking closer than usual (though Arya certainly noticed, and seemed happy as anything that her siblings were closer, and soaked up all the attention Jon gave her).

Certainly, neither of them suspected they were being watched as Jon snuck into Sansa's room later that night to spend time with his wife.

Neither suspected, foolish of them.

Jon had walked through the corridors silently, leaving his weapons belt in his room, wearing minimal armour and light boots to mask his tread as he hurried over to Sansa's bedroom. His footsteps were quiet as he made his way to her bedroom, slipped inside, and shut the door behind him without making a sound.

Ghost had followed him but happily settled beside a sleeping Lady as he walked inside. It was later than he'd hoped, but he'd stayed up later chatting to Robb, unable to tear himself away from being able to simply talk to his best friend again.

And so, he was later than intended, but smiled as he found Sansa still awake, sat on her bed in her nightgown, brushing her hair. She grinned at him as he slipped inside, and then walked around to sit next to her on the bed. Though they weren't sitting for long as Sansa pulled him down to lie down next to her instead.

He arranged them into a comfortable position, he on his back an arm beneath his head, his outer armour shed to leave him in breeches and a simple undershirt, Sansa on her side with her head on his chest, in just a nightgown, her long hair tickling his neck as she cuddled into him.

"I missed you" He said simply, breaking the silence to which she grinned into his skin and he pressed a kiss to her hair.

"I missed you too" She said simply, placing her chin on his chest so she could look at him with a smile, "But it was good to see everyone again, to spend time with them, I had forgotten over our months of work just how much I missed them"

"Aye, me too" Jon responded, his smile matching hers now as he thought back on the day. It had started tense, and yet they were both happy as it came to an end.

It had been a much-needed day with family, a day of being reunited and spending time with their loved ones. They may have plans and such they needed to focus on soon but one day with their family had been needed.

"Still, I did want to see you all day, it feels weird since back during our time we'd spend most of the day attached at the hip" Sansa said with a little laugh to which he nodded, it was true, it was a little joke around Winterfell that the King was rarely seen without the Queen by his side.

"It does" Jon said, "But I'm happy to be with you now, with you in my arms" He said, and he saw the blush pool across her cheeks, her pale skin lighting up pink, which clashed delightfully with her hair, which he always loved. He loved making her blush, seeing the pink spread across her cheeks and nose, seeing the secret little embarrassed smile she did when he was able to elicit such a reaction from her, it always made him smile in a way that otherwise remained hidden.

He loved her smile, and her blush, and her hair, 'Kissed by fire' The freefolk called her, she was the one instance in which he preferred fire to ice.

"God, Jon, I can't believe we did it" Sansa said with a grin, turning back to lie on her side once more, to pull him close to her, body to body, not an inch between them, which Jon welcomed as he pressed his lips to her hair again, and held her close.

"Me either" He said simply, for it was true; it was nigh on unbelievable, and yet they'd done it, they'd managed it, against all odds and known truths in their world, they had done it, achieved the impossible, and here they were now.

Together.

...

"Did what?" As soon as he heard the foreign voice, he didn't even register who it was, instead he was up quickly, in front of Sansa who screamed in response to the stranger having entered her room. He was up, looking for a nearby weapon, anything he could use against the intruder, until he looked up at the figure in front of him, the candlelight casting a shadow over him as he looked down at them both, his expression one of both anger and confusion.

"Father" Sansa said, her eyes widening as she realised, he had managed to slip inside without either of them noticing, they'd been too focused on one another. Jon couldn't believe he'd let his guard down so easily, so foolish, so stupid, and now they'd been caught red handed, how on earth did they explain this?!

"I heard you this morning" Eddard Stark spoke, and he heard Sansa gasp, her hands go over her mouth as she turned her gaze to him, her expression frantic. Jon in contrast let out a deep sigh, and a shake of his head, damn.

Lord Stark was here in front of them, he had heard them this morning and presumably their conversation now. He had heard them talk about a future he didn't know about, had heard them talk to each other in the way they did, had heard their declarations of love. Good god, he'd heard them call themselves King and Queen.

Fuck.

They were fucked, well and truly fucked. Likely Lord Stark now thought they were insane, crazed, and Jon had no idea how they talked themselves out of this. They'd barely talked themselves out of trouble this morning!

Lord Stark was a man who could easily see lies in his children, and Jon turned to look at Sansa with an expression of worry, what did they do here? What was the move here?

Jon, usually so able to work out situations and the best way to resolve them, now his face was alight with worry, with surprise, and it was clear he had no idea what to do. Sansa still had her hands clapped over her mouth and was looking at Jon desperately for an answer.

They were both at a loss.

"So, tell me, tell me what you did, tell me what you mean by 'your time', and tell me why you think you need to save us all" Lord Stark said, less angry but clearly confused, and Jon let out a deep sigh then. How in the world did they explain all of this?

dum dum dummmmmmm

gods I love a cliffhanger

read on...