XVII

~ The past several hours had been chaotic. Havoc had just gotten out of surgery about an hour ago, and the sun was just starting to rise. I had stayed behind with Breda to help guard Mustang and Havoc in the hospital room while Hawkeye went home to shower, and get some sleep. She also stated that she needed some time to repent before facing Mustang again. We were all going on shifts to guard them. I was planning on being on every shift. I felt uneasy with the thought of being separated from these two. I was lounging in one of the chairs that was placed between the two beds, trying my best to get comfortable. Some nurses had stitched and bandaged me up before moving onto the next patient. I had stitches on both the palm and back of my hand. Luckily, only one side of my thigh was punctured. That Lust woman didn't dig as deep as I had thought she had at the time. I was ordered to take it easy and not put a lot of pressure on my leg until it heals more.

"Hey." My head snapped up. I didn't even realize I was drifting off until Breda's hand was gently shaking me. He could tell I was a bit confused when I looked up at him. "Why don't you go home? I think I can manage the first watch, and Hawkeye should be coming soon."

"No…I'm okay." I mumbled out. I could tell Breda wanted to argue, but knew he wasn't going to win. He walked back over to the window and gazed out of it. My eyes shifted from Breda, to Havoc's still sleeping face. I came so close to losing him, and I can't believe my technique worked.

"Hawkeye's coming up." Breda pulled my attention again.

"You can head out." I said as I squirmed once again, trying to find another comfort spot.

"You're the one who needs to go." His argument was getting closer and closer to the tip of his tongue, but I wasn't going to back down.

"I'm fine, Breda. I can last another day or two here."

"Lovington…" Just then the doors to the room slid open, and Hawkeye walked in.

"Good morning." Her time away did her good. She looked like Riza Hawkeye again.

"Good morning. Looks like you're feeling better."

"Yes. It's amazing what a hot shower will do for you." A shower sounds amazing!

"You can go home now, Lovington." Breda pressed. I just glared at him. I wasn't going to back down.

"How many times do I have to tell you, I'm not-"

"Go home, Lovington. That's an order." Hawkeye said in the most unamused tone she could use. Has she forgotten who out ranks who here?

"All due respect, Lieutenant, but I would feel better if I stayed here."

"No. You need to go home. Get yourself cleaned up and have a few hours of rest. You can come back later tonight when you're feeling better." Knowing better and not having the energy to argue with her, I stood up, with difficulty. It wasn't going to matter if I out rank her at this point. Breda seemed relieved with Hawkeye's answer. I limped over a few feet to Havoc's bed, taking his hand.

"I'll be back." I quietly said, while squeezing his hand.

"Breda will help you to your apartment."

"Thanks, but I think I can manage."

"Stop being difficult!" Her tone surprised me. I think this is the first time Hawkeye has ever snapped at me. "You need to take care of yourself, so you don't worry others." Her gaze went straight to Mustang's sleeping face as she said it. I understood, and immediately felt guilty. I was being childish. Breda came by me and I swung my arm over his shoulder, using him as a crutch. I couldn't feel any more pathetic. "We'll see you later tonight." Hawkeye gave me a small smile as I slowly limped towards the door with Breda.

"Yes ma'am." I nodded gently before exiting the room.

The few hours of sleep didn't do too much for me. I felt even more exhausted than before, but I couldn't stand the thought of closing my eyes again. It was already getting pretty late in the afternoon. I had managed to clean myself as best I could without getting my stitches wet, and made my way to the office, fully dressed in uniform. I could hear people whispering as they watched me limp my way down the hallways. I guess news travels pretty fast around here. Not as fast as Eastern Head Quarters though. When I stepped through the open door of Mustang's office, I was flustered by what I saw.

"What the-where is everyone?" Fuery and Falman were the only ones in the office, trying to get some work done.

"I guess they all decided to take the day off with the Colonel being out of the office." Unbelievable! This is only going to cause more work for everyone else! Unfortunately, I wasn't going to be any help, with my writing hand being out of commission for some time now.

"What can I help with?" Hopefully there might be something I could do.

"Actually, could you take these down to Lieutenant Colonel Bowie's office?" My eye twitched in irritation from hearing that man's name. I quickly glanced over the paperwork to see why it was needing Bowie's attention.

"Isn't this the case the Colonel was about to wrap up?" He's been working on this one for almost a month now.

"Yah, Lieutenant Colonel Bowie said he would take over until the Colonel returns. It's just needing his signature of approval to continue on with investigating." I stared angrily at the paper as Fuery finished explaining.

"Fuery…" When Fuery heard the tone of my voice, he instantly looked up, nervous. "Are there any other cases Lieutenant Colonel Bowie is trying to take over?"

"Um..well…yes. There are a few." I slammed the piece of paper on the desk, making Fuery jump. I was so irritated that I swear lightning was trying to spark out of my hands without my gloves on.

"I need you to gather all the cases and give them to me at the end of the day." I started walking out the office with Fuery saying that he'll get it done.

I marched my way through the halls, trying to favor my good leg, searching for Bowie. I was going to give him a good piece of my mind. My fumes were blazing so hot that I no longer care who held the higher rank. At this moment I am done with ranks! I turned the corner and spotted him instantly. He was conversing with a fellow soldier, just laughing away, not realizing what was coming his way. He noticed me when I was only a few yards away.

"Lieutenant Lovington, it's good to see you walking around." I gritted my teeth when I saw that God damn smirk was spread across his face.

"What's your angle Bowie?" I stopped just inches away from him. His comrade seemed a bit intimidated.

"I believe you forgot to add Lieutenant Colonel in there, and I don't know what you're getting at." Oh, he was getting my blood to boil.

"Don't play stupid! You're trying to swoop in and snag all of the cases Colonel Mustang almost has wrapped up! Getting all the credit and glory. Well guess what? It's not happening! Go find your own damn cases to solve!" Bowie's eyes darkened. He took a step towards me, putting his face right next to mine. I could feel his breath gently press on my face. Normally I would've back off, but my rage was helping me stay my ground.

"How's 2nd Lieutenant Havoc?" My glare sank even lower when I couldn't hear any sincerity in his question.

"Recovering well, but I don't see what he has to do with what we're talking about?"

"I just think it's a real shame. I was really hoping I wouldn't have to see his face around here again." I couldn't believe what he just said. Was he saying he wanted Havoc to die? Even his buddy was shocked. I held back my angry tears and gritted my teeth. I quickly rose my hand and saluted him. Bowie was surprised by my gesture.

"I apologize in advance, sir!" I spat out the last part of that sentence. Bowie just seemed confused now. I then took the hand that was saluting him, and slapped it hard across his face. I almost cried out from the pain shooting from my hand. I probably should have slapped him with my other hand. The look on his face led me to believe that this was the first time someone has ever slapped him. He brought his hand up to his cheek as he looked at me in shock. I quickly gave him another salute before turning on my heels and trying my best not to limp away. I was trying so hard to hide my smirk from all the bystanders that had seen the whole thing. That felt good! Maybe a little too good. I knew there was going to be consequences, but it was worth it. I entered Mustang's office again, closing the door behind me.

"Is everything okay?" Fuery was right behind me, holding a long rolled up piece of paper.

"Everything's great." I gave him a whole hearted smile. "What's that?" I gestured to the paper.

"Oh, it's something Hawkeye was working on earlier this morning. She forgot it and called to ask if I could bring this down to them and relieve Breda for a while." So even Hawkeye didn't get much sleep.

"So does that mean they're awake?" My heart flutter at the thought of Mustang and Havoc finally opening their eyes. At least they were able to get some decent shut eye.

"Yah, sounds like it." Fuery made his way pass me and opened the door. "I'll be back shortly, but the Colonel was hoping you could swing by later, maybe with a treat?" Oh I'll bring a treat alright. One that involves his signature.

"Sure." I gave Fuery a sweet smile before he left down the hall. I went to sit down by Falman at my desk. I saw a decent pile of paperwork that I quickly looked through. Looks like it was what I asked Fuery to work on before running off to find Bowie. I let out a long sigh, and prepared myself for the long day ahead of sorting out all the paperwork. Here we go!

"Damn it!" I was making my way towards the hospital, trying my best to not drop all the paperwork I had brought. It was already early evening, and the sun was slowly setting to this long day. I rearranged the paperwork in my arms so I could open one of the double doors to the hospital. I pretended to pat myself on the back when I managed to do it without dropping anything. I was just about to pass through the lobby when a specific patient caught my eye. I noticed Hawkeye had her back turned, meaning Mustang was talking privately with Dr. Knox, but it looked like they were done. Dr. Knox was walking away now. Our eyes quickly met and I gave him a small smile.

"Good evening Dr. Knox." He didn't return my smile, or say anything. Just continued on his way. Not the most personable doctor. I shrugged it off and made my way towards Mustang. When he noticed me, I couldn't help but find the way he was hiding the book he was reading, very suspicious.

"Lovington, what are you doing here?" He didn't look too good. Almost like someone had shot his dog. It almost made me feel bad for what I was about to do.

"I'm here to deliver your treat." I gave him an innocent smile as I dropped all the paperwork I had onto his lap. It surprised him and didn't give him enough time to prepare for the impact. "These all need your signature by late tomorrow." He didn't even bother going through the pile. My suspicion heightened. Even Hawkeye seemed a bit down. "Is everything okay, Colonel?" My question seemed to have snapped them both out of their thoughts.

"Oh, yes. Is this everything?" For all the paperwork I just gave him, he normally would've sighed out a complaint by now.

"For now."

"Very well. Thanks for bringing this down." I wanted to press the matter, but figured if I needed to know, one of them would tell me.

"Well, I'm going to go see Havoc now. I'll see you when you come back up." I spun around and headed for the hallway that lead to Havoc's room.

"Wait." Mustang's protest surprised me. I looked back at him, waiting for more of an explanation. "He's asleep, so now probably isn't the best time."

"It's okay. I was planning on being here for a while." As I disappeared down the hallway, I couldn't help but think how weird everyone was acting. I approached the closed door, and just as I was reaching for it I could hear Breda on the other side.

"The retired life doesn't suit you." My hand that had frozen on the door handle slipped away as Breda opened the door. He was surprised to see me standing here on the other side. He didn't say anything as he walked passed me, even though I knew he could read the question in my eyes. Retired? I slowly walked into the room, seeing Havoc was fully awake. He was eyeing me as I continued my way toward his bed. I didn't know what to ask, or even if I should ask. I stood there at the edge of his bed, fidgeting with the top blanket, as he finally looked away, out the window.

"I've decided to start the retired life a bit early." His voice was so dead.

"Why?" My voice was becoming shaky. The very thought of him not being around…left me feeling as empty as his voice sounded.

"My injuries have left me paralyzed from the waist down, and there's a slim chance that surgery can reverse the damage."

"But there's still a chance?" At the sound of hope in my voice, Havoc's grip on the blanket he was clenching tightened. He didn't say anything. Just continued to stare out the window absently. I just wish he would look at me.

"I need…to be alone right now." This wasn't the first time he has dismissed me, and I knew it wasn't going to be the last. However, this time…I've never seen him look so lonely. I wanted nothing more than to take him in my arms and try to ease the hurt.

"We'll figure something out. Who knows, maybe-"

"Please, Lovington. Just leave me alone." There was no stopping the sting to his words. I hovered over his bed for a moment. Contemplating whether or not to tell him off. I let out a quiet sigh and turned back to the door. I decided to bite my tongue. He needed to sulk for at least a day. It was a lot to take in. Suddenly becoming paralyzed. Feeling useless.

"I'll be back tomorrow." I mumbled before closing the door. I didn't move from the closed door. All I wanted to do was cry. Cry for him, because I knew he wasn't going to do it for himself. I shook my head, pushing back the tears that were inching their way to the surface. Crying for him wasn't going to do him any good. I needed to figure something out, even if it was something small, to lift his spirits. I started moving down the hall from where I came, ready to do whatever it takes to get Havoc back on his feet. Literally.

I have been standing outside of Gracia Hughes' apartment door for a while now. I haven't stopped by for a visit since I've been in Central. I've tried knocking a few times, but I just couldn't get my knuckles to make contact with the wooden door. The last time I was in this apartment was when we were all summoned by Fuhrer Bradley to catch the Freezing Alchemist. Maes had invited me over, along with the Elric Brothers for dinner. This place was full of life and laughter, and I was scared. Scared that it had all changed. I wanted to keep that memory forever, without anything changing, but I know clinging onto the past was childish. For the last time I brought my fist up to the door, finally knocking on it a few times. I could slightly hear movement on the other side, indicating that Gracia was home. I held my breath as the door opened a bit slowly.

"Oh! Abby? What a surprise." Gracia fully swung the door open, with a bright smile on her face. I let out the breath I was holding. She looked like she always did. I think I was more surprised than relieved.

"Hi. Sorry for just dropping by, is this a bad time?"

"No, no. We were just baking a pie. Please come in." She moved to the side so I could walk by. I saw the look of concern cross her face when she noticed me limping. I could instantly smell the pie baking in the air. It smelt like apple. Gracia's most famous pie. I quickly scanned the entrance and living room. I don't know why I had it in my mind that everything was going to look different, but it was all the same since the last time I was here. I could hear Elica in the kitchen singing a song and giggling. "Please have a seat." Gracia motioned for one of the couches in the living room. I nodded and took my seat in the middle of the three-person couch. "I'll be right back." Gracia said as she headed back to the kitchen. I looked around the room, taking everything in. My attention was brought to a small picture frame on the coffee table. It was a picture of Maes, Gracia and Elica embracing one another, smiling big. I could feel my heart break once again as my gaze locked on the familiar face of Maes. I shouldn't have come…

"Ms. Abby!" Elica's excited voice pulled me out of my gloom. She ran up to me and immediately gave me a big hug.

"Hi kiddo! Wow, you're getting big!" Elica broke the hug and took a step back to look at me. "The last time I saw you, you were only this big." I held my hand just a bit lower from the top of Elica's head.

"I know my ABC's." She said it so proudly.

"You're kidding! You know all your ABC's"

"Yep! You wanna hear?"

"Let's hear it." I could feel my heart start to warm up as the adorable 3-year-old sang me the alphabet. She stumbled a bit when she got to 'W' but finished strongly. I clapped at her accomplishment, seeing the proudness of herself in her eyes. "That was really good."

"Wanna go play in my room?"

"Maybe some other time, sweetie." Gracia said as she sat across from me on the smaller couch. "Abby came by to visit with mommy." I couldn't help but smile when the look of disappointment spread across the Elica's face.

"I'll tell you what, Elica. I promise I'll come by again and we can play all day long." The disappointment slowly disappeared from her face and she gave me a big smile before running off towards her room. I giggled quietly as I watched her close the door, hearing her hum a new song to herself.

"So what brings you down this way?" Gracia still had her gentle smile. I stared at her, trying to word everything together in my head before explaining. Before coming here, I had argued with Mustang for the longest time. I had found Breda whispering something into Mustang's ear in the hospital's lounging area. I was able to find out that Breda was booking a train ticket to the town Dr. Marcoh was found in by the Elric Brothers and Major Armstrong. I wanted to so desperately go with Breda, but Mustang wouldn't have it.

"If you think it's so dangerous, then I should go with Breda! Having a back-up is better than-"

"I already said no!" All of us were surprised by his outburst, but he instantly went back to his cool self. "And now, that's an order."

My eyes lowered remembering the argument. I only stopped because of Hawkeye's glare. It told me to back off before she got involved, and there never was any winning with her. Breda's train was probably just about ready to take off. I took in a deep breath, knowing what I wanted to ask of her now.

"I need some advice."

It took a good hour for me to explain everything to Gracia. I had started my story with the events that had happened at the Military Ball, and ended with today's events. I had left out with what happened to us the other night. I only mentioned that we were all hurt, and Havoc got the worst of it. Being paralyzed from the waist-down. Of course she didn't ask for details. Maes and her may have told each other everything, but she knew when it came to the military, the less you knew the better.

"I see." Gracia took in a deep breath as she stared off to one of the picture frames that had her and Maes in it. "Maes had told me about you and Havoc." That didn't surprise me. I always figured his great advice that he gave me actually came from her. "He was always hoping you two would end up together." I felt a pinch in my heart, remembering the last words Maes had ever spoke to me.

"Remember Abby, I'm cheering for you."

"I just don't know how to help." Gracia's smile went from warm to amused with my statement.

"I think the best way to help now, is to just be there when he needs you." I just stared at her blankly. I was kinda hoping for a more…helpful answer. "He's going through a lot right now. It's going to take some time for him to work things through. Right now he's not seeing much hope in all this. You just need to make sure he doesn't give up all hope, and be there when he's ready." What she was saying was making sense, but it still involved just sitting around, waiting. Still, her words eased my heart a bit. "You know…" It looked like what she wanted to say next was hard for her to say. "Maes always thought of you as a daughter." My eyes widened in surprise by her words. "He would always joke around about having an adopted daughter in the Eastern Head Quarters. I think he even had a picture of you that he would show off along with Elicia." I couldn't stop the sudden tears fall as my heart shattered from learning about this. I always knew I was dear to him, but…to have such a loving connection with me. To think me as a daughter. Gracia's smile saddened a bit. "I know he only wanted you to be happy, Abby. We all do." I brought my hand to my mouth to stop the sob from coming out. I was overwhelmed with so much emotion. She got up from the couch to come sit by me and gave me a well needed hug. "I miss him too." Her voice shook for a moment before she cleared it. I'm sure she's cried many nights from the loneliness. "How about we go into the kitchen, and you can help me bake another pie to bring to Roy and Jean?" I just nodded my head, letting her embrace dry up my tears. It's been a long time since I've felt like this. The comfort of a mother was truly a beautiful thing.

I took the next day off from work so I could spend most of it with Mustang and Havoc. I had dressed casually comfortable with jeans and a t-shirt. I had the wicker carrying basket that Gracia let me borrow for the pie, rest on my arm. I figured the pie would serve a good afternoon snack for the three of them. I'm sure Hawkeye hasn't left Mustang's side since she got there yesterday. As I entered the hospital I found Mustang right away, at the telephone. He had just hung it up and was turning around to leave. He spotted me and stopped in mid stride. Hawkeye looked over to see it was I who had grabbed his attention. Mustang just shook his head and I knew Breda didn't find Dr. Marcoh. I could feel a twinge of hopelessness come over me. Marcoh was our only hope. At least for now. I looked back up to Mustang who was still just standing there. I held up the wicker basket, smiling. He smiled back, knowing that I had actually brought a treat this time. The three of us were just about to reach Mustang and Havoc's room when we saw two bodies leave. One was military personnel and the other was an elderly looking woman. It looked like she was crying.

"Well. If you'll excuse me." The man said as he shut the door, escorting the woman down the hall. Now curious, Mustang went and opened the door, with Hawkeye and I right behind him.

"Who was that?" Mustang asked. I kept watching the soldier and woman until they went around the corner.

"My mother and an officer from the veteran's council." We were all surprised by this sudden news. "I've decided to go ahead with my retirement." Havoc was just looking out the window again as we entered the room. I closed the door behind me and walked to the other side of the bed. I was going to have Havoc look at one us, one way or another. Of course, with me standing there in his sight he only looked down towards his bed.

"They don't know for certain if your wounds are inoperable." There was a hint of desperation in Mustang's voice.

"I'm not dumb enough to think I have a chance…I'm useless." I could see how tight Havoc was clenching onto his bed cover.

"You're wrong." Havoc finally looked up at Mustang with both annoyance and anger.

"Look, don't say you can use a pawn that can't move." His words weren't even directed at me and I felt hurt. Mustang just looked helpless now, not knowing what to say to Havoc. "And don't you look at me like that." Havoc said through gritted teeth. He grabbed onto Mustang's shirt collar, bringing him down closer. "Forget about me…Move on already!" I couldn't believe what I was seeing. We were all frozen in place by Havoc's outburst. "You don't have time to worry about me! You need to think about the promise you made to General Hughes instead of pitying me!"

"Lieutenant Havoc!" Hawkeye had finally moved towards Havoc gently placing her hands on him, trying to calm him down. Havoc was breathing heavily, trying to catch his breath from all his shouting. His grip from Mustang's collar loosened.

"Just let me get on with my life." His eyes held so much desperation. "I beg you." He lowered his head as he pleaded. My grip on the wicker basket tightened as I realized that he has given up on all hope. There was pain and regret in Mustang's eyes. We were all hurting for him. Mustang grabbed Havoc's wrist and gently removed Havoc's hand from his shirt.

"Alright. You're cut loose."

"Colonel!" I was quick to protest. Havoc just closed his eyes and processed the pain from Mustang's words. He wanted Mustang to tell him that, but I knew at the same time, he didn't. The room went quiet for a moment before Mustang spoke up again.

"I'll leave you behind so you can catch up." Both Havoc and I were shocked. Hawkeye didn't seem so surprised. Like she knew he was going to say just that. "I've gotta keep moving…but I'll see you at the top." I watched as Mustang left the room, closing the door. Hawkeye eased Havoc back against his pillow.

"He doesn't give up…He didn't even think about turning his back on me…And I had given up on living. It's not in him to abandon others…He refuses to." Her words were gentle, and yet they troubled Havoc. He brought the back of his hand to his forehead, trying to keep his emotions in check.

"He's a fool. He's not gonna make it to the top…This country'll chew him up if he keeps on acting this soft." I was about to argue with him, but Hawkeye beat me to the punch.

"Well, I don't know about that. This country needs a fool like that man." She was a bit gentler with it than I would have been. "If you'll excuse me." She quickly saluted before heading out to find Mustang. She said all that she needed to say. We were now left there alone, and in silence. I wasn't able to look at Havoc. To be honest, I don't even know what I was looking at. I guess whatever I was able to lay my eyes on.

"What are you still doing here?" He sounded tired. I didn't respond to him. Nothing I wanted to say was going to help him. "Just go home."

"I wanna stay." I mumbled, knowing I was only go to upset him.

"I don't want you here." I was trying really hard to remember what Gracia had told me the other day. "I don't need you to remember me like this." I finally looked up from the floor to him. He was talking like we were never going to see each other again. I could see he knew what I was thinking. "It's really disappointing that we can't finish what we started." I felt a chill go through my body.

"What are you talking about?"

"Don't even try to tell me that things can work out now. I'll be moving back to my hometown, keeping track of the phone calls at my parent's store. I'm a loser now." That chill I felt was gone. Now I was hot with rage. "I think we both know that when I leave, sooner or later you'll forget all about me and move on to the next guy who has potential. Lieutenant Colonel Bowie seems like a good match up for you." That's it! I placed the basket next to Havoc's legs on the bed. "Even Jessica approves of him-" Before he could finish his sentence my good hand made contact with his cheek. I was pissed. My body was even trembling from the rage and hurt I was feeling. I didn't say anything for a while. I was trying to tame my emotions, while he just stared at the ground with a blank expression.

"You think…" My voice was trembling along with my body. "You think that little of my feelings for you?" That got his attention. He finally looked up to meet my gaze, but I had to look down at the bed to finish what I had to say. "You think that just because you can't walk anymore I'm just going to move on to the next guy? You really think if you're not around…" I went quiet again. It was eating me away at the thought of not having him at my side anymore. This man in front of me…This man who was wilting away in despair… "You are not the man I fell in love with!" I snapped my tear filled eyes at him in anger. The look on his face made me think that he had stopped breathing. "Let Breda, or whoever, know when you're done feeling sorry for yourself, so they can tell me. I won't be back until you're ready to fight again." I walked around his bed and reached for the door, slamming it shut behind me. Mustang was just down a way, sitting on a bench. He was looking at me with a bit of fear in his eyes. He must have heard most of my shouting. I angrily wiped away the tears that fell over my checks and huffed out a breath before storming down the hallway. My adrenaline from slapping Havoc was still high. I couldn't even feel my leg wound anymore. I regret slapping him. It felt like kicking a man that was already down. Hopefully he would snap out of this Dooms Day gloom so I could come see him to apologize. Until then, I'll just have to keep myself busy with whatever I can find. ~

END OF CHAPTER 17

THANKS FOR READING! :D