XXVII

~ It's been a little past a week since The Promised Day. That's what people were calling it at least. Breda and I had awoken together, as if we were simply waking up from the worst nightmare we would experience. Everyone else in the radio station awakened from the dead as well.

Breda and I had found Fuery, Catalina, Ross and even Brosh alive and well in the lobby of the station. I'll never forget the immediate relief that swept through all of us that we all had made it. At the time we weren't too sure if everything was over with or what had brought us back to life but…all we knew is that it was a miracle.

We spent our time with helping reconstructing the city. Thankfully it was easier than we thought considering how much Mustang and the rest of us had held back at the time. With a few long hours of sweat and some transmutations here and there, the city looked battle zone free. A few of us would even argue that it looked better than before.

When we weren't cleaning up and fixing the city the boys and I were doing what we could with Mustang. Helping him study and research so he could start on his journey and goals to rebuild Ishval. With his sight being taken from him, it wasn't going to be the easiest thing for him, but that wasn't going to slow him down. He took the challenge at full speed and was using his tribulations as motivation.

I'm currently in the newly promoted Fuhrer Grumman's office. It was early in the afternoon, and I was summoned to face the consequences of my abandonment from my duties in the months that Mustang had sent me off…I expected it to go a certain way, however, what actually happened I never expected.

"I'm sorry…sir…but…" I was speechless. There's no way Grumman said what he just did.

"You seemed confused. Was I not very clear? You are being sent across the border to Xing for protection of Prince Ling. We have a new alliance with the Xing people, and we do not need to compromise it by sending their prince unattended. You will be stationed there until your orders have changed. Meanwhile, you are to be in charge of this mission with a promotion to Lt. Colonel."

"I understood that sir…but I just thought…" At the very least I should be getting court martial. The very least. I was expecting to be arrested with a dishonorable discharge…not reassigned with a promotion. "I cannot accept this generosity, sir. I came in here expecting to be punished according to my actions or lack thereof." I lowered my head in humility. Grumman sat back in his seat, with an amused expression. He seemed to be pondering something.

"Are you rejecting your orders from your Fuhrer and denying your promotion?" That was a loaded question. It's practically unheard of, of anyone not accepting a promotion. It's considered career suicide but…

"All due respect, sir, the very least I was expecting was a dishonorable discharge for abandoning-"

"You didn't abandon anyone, Lt. Colonel." He went from addressing me as Major to Lt. Colonel? Was that a strategy tactic? Using my promotion title when it hasn't been made official, so I'll be more inclined to say yes? Was that even a thing? "As far as I can see, you defended your country when it needed you most. The time you were away you were on a secret mission." What? Is this really happening? He's going to sweep it all under the rug? Just like that?

Still seeing my hesitation, he leaned forward propping his forearms on his desk, intertwining his fingers together. He lowered his head, so the Fuhrer hat he now wore hid his eyes. "Very well. If you still wish to decline this generous offer then you will be discharged as you'd like. I'm sure you know all the afflictions it will cost you with the dishonored discharge to your name. Especially if you wish to have a family in the future." I do understand. Everything that I have worked for, would become years wasted. I might have come here thinking just that would happen, and the fact that I was being given an opportunity like this…

Why was I hesitating? I would have leapt through a burning hoop for something like this. The future I had wanted, is no longer the future I see. Why did that terrify me so?

"I need an answer, Lt. Colonel." Grumman's patience dwindled as my heart pounded in my chest with my mind made up.

I left Fuhrer Grumman's office with a heavy heart. I now have to live with the answer I had given. I just don't know how I'm going to tell everyone. Reluctantly, I was walking to the hospital to check in with Mustang. I was practicing in my head and out loud on how I was going to deliver the news. I was unaware of the stares that the other people on the sidewalks were giving me as I walked passed them, mumbling to myself. No matter how I phrased the words, it always came out like tar. Had I made a mistake? Was I already regretting my decision?

I made it to the hospital faster than I ever wanted. Perhaps it felt like that only because I didn't want to be here. I told myself a few times that I didn't have to do this today. I had time. There was always tomorrow but I knew if I didn't do this now, I never was going to.

I slowly walked through the halls and just before I got to Mustang's door, Falman stepped out of the room and quickly closed the door behind him. He seemed like he was guarding the door and was acting nervous. Everyone had been acting weird the past few days. I wasn't sure if I was becoming paranoid, but they seemed to act up whenever I was around. I was hoping it was only paranoia since I couldn't confirm how they acted when I wasn't around.

"Sorry Lovington, but Mustang was hoping you could run and get everyone something to drink from the vending machine?" He handed me a handful of coins. I huffed in annoyance. Why am I always the one having to play secretary or errand boy?

"Can you do it? I have something I need to tell him." I tried to hand the coins back to him.

"Sorry but he wants you to do it." Falman was practically in a panic. A red light glowed from the window on the door, lighting up the back of Falman. My eyes widened in surprise. That glow was a lot like from The Promised Day.

After a long moment the light had died. I eyed Falman, debating on whether to ask the questions that I already knew were going to be ignored. He was sweating profusely. Clearly, Mustang was up to something and didn't want me involved.

How shocking.

I probably could muscle my way through Falman, but I just didn't have the energy anymore. I sighed in defeat hanging my head.

"Fine. I'll get the drinks and then I can come in the room?" My tone had no patience in it. I was making obvious that I knew something was going on and I didn't appreciate that I was left out of the loop, once again.

"Right. Thanks Lovington." Falman said as he barely opened the door to go back into the room. He shut it quickly again and I could tell that he was leaning up against it. I shook my head in annoyance as I walked back the way I had come to the vending machines.

I don't even know what they all want, or even how many of them were in there. I'm only assuming their all in there based on how many coins Falman shoved in my hand. I decided to get an assortment and figured when I couldn't fit anymore in my arms, I had gotten enough. If they wanted more drinks then someone should have come with me.

I tried shoving the rest of the coins in my uniform pant pockets but most of them fell to the floor. I stared at them with annoyance and decided that someone was going to be grateful for the free drinks as I wasn't about to bend over with all these drinks in my arms. There would no doubt be a bigger mess if I fussed with the coins.

I walked back to the room, trying to find the little bit of motivation I had in delivering my news. I approached the door, pounded on it with my foot, not holding back on the force.

"She's here…" I could them whispering to one another but couldn't quite make out what they were whispering. No one came to open the door right away and my nerves were reaching their limit.

"Open the damn door Falman or I swear I'll break it down myself if you don't let me in." I shouted in the well occupied hallway. A couple with a bouquet of flowers walked by, whispering to one another. No doubt about me. I ignored them as they continued their way to their destined room. I was about to pound on the door again, but as I raised my foot the door finally opened for me. I readjusted myself as I took a step in. "Thanks." I glared up to Falman, who had the biggest grin I had ever seen him give. It weirded me out.

I walked more into the room and Falman shut the door behind me. As I scanned for a place to put all the drinks, as most of the tables were covered in documents and books, I stumbled across a sight that had me second guessing reality.

In complete shock, the drinks in my arms fell to the floor as my hands shot up to cover my mouth. Instant tears swelling up in my eyes, I saw him…standing. He looked like he was struggling but…he was standing none the less, right in front of his wheelchair. Breda and Fuery were on either side of him, just in case.

"Hey, baby." He gave me a wholehearted grin. I could see how hard he was keeping his emotions in check. Although I don't think anyone would blame him if didn't.

"Jean?" I choked out. I was trying my hardest to not weep, no matter how much my heart wanted to. I took a few steps forward, praying this wasn't a dream. When I was close enough, I slowly reached a shaking hand to him.

Just as my hand was about to touch him, his legs finally gave out. I leapt forward and beat Breda and Fuery into catching him before he crashed into his chair. His arms wrapped around me, and he held on tight, keeping himself up longer. I finally let out the sob that was stuck in my throat as I squeezed him tight. "You're standing?" I asked as I brought my teared spilled gaze to him. I saw the tears were building in his eyes as well. He only nodded with that gentle grin still on his face, tears finally running down his checks.

"I'm standing. I can feel my legs again." A half sob left his throat, but he caught it before he lost control of it.

"How?" I asked, shaking my head ever so gently still not completely believing this was real.

"Dr. Marcoh." I heard Mustang say. I looked over to him and became aware of all the smiling faces watching us. Mustang's line of sight was down to the bed, and he wore the same warm smile everyone else had.

"Dr. Marcoh?" I searched the room and found him in the room. He quietly gave a gentle nod in acknowledgment and I returned one with a grateful smile.

"He had a philosopher's stone that he used to reverse Havoc's injury." Fuery explained more. "It was the stone that was created in the Ishvalan war." He solemnly finished. I looked back up to Jean in shock. There was guilt in his eyes. I'm sure the awareness of using those people's lives wasn't an easy decision he made. I'm sure he thought hard on the matter, and he will live with this choice.

"Here, let's ease him down." Breda offered as he secured his hand under Jean's armpit, to help him back in his chair. I stepped back as Fuery mirrored Breda and they slowly led him back down, but I could tell the last thing he wanted was to be put back in that chair. I couldn't help but be amused by the slight pout in his expression.

"Wait." I realized something. "If Dr. Marco has the philosopher stone and healed Jean, then…" I glanced over to Mustang who was still looking down to his bed, intently listening.

"I'm next." He said just loud enough for everyone to hear. I held in another happy sob as my hands covered my chest where my heart beated firmly.

As much as I want to say it's a day full of miracles, I couldn't bring myself to. There wasn't anything miraculous in using the lives of others. However, not using it wasn't going to change anything. All those lives will still be lost. We just need to make it all worth it and not use them in vain.

"What's the next step then?" I looked around for anyone with the answer.

"I'll be putting in an order for therapy. He'll have both physical and occupational to get him back in top shape. After that, it's up to him." Dr. Knocs chipped in. I looked back to Jean in his chair. I didn't expect him to have the answer yet, but I already knew what it would be. He gave me a nervous glance before looking back down.

"Assuming I can get myself to where I need to be…once I'm discharged, I'm rejoining the military." His answer didn't surprise anyone. "The lives that were sacrificed that helped me get my legs back...I won't take for granted. I'm going to push myself so I can be one of the first in the front line in helping Mustang with the restructure of Ishval. Even after that, I will dedicate my life to helping those in need." His eyes that were overflowing with determination met with mine again. My heart was glowing with warmth from the fire in his eyes. It was almost unbearable. As we kept our gaze with one another, my warm heart slowly turned cold as I came to realize….I had made the biggest mistake of my life.

Early evening hours had started and the golden glow from the sun setting lit Jean's hospital room. He was admitted earlier but I disappeared for a good while after I had delivered my news. I hated that I had to kill the amazing mood everyone was in. The words were like cement coming out of my mouth, but I knew if I didn't say anything right then, I probably never would have. I could see myself not saying anything and just disappearing one day. They never would've known until one of them dug into it. I never would have forgiven myself though. So…I said it then.

It was just the two of us now, in his room. Breda, Fuery and Falman excused themselves when I entered. I sat across the room from his bed in a chair meant for visitors, my elbows resting on my knees, eyes to the floor. Neither of us had attempted to say anything. I was walking on the edge of asking him if he wanted me to leave…but I'm too much of a coward for the answer. Without moving my head, I looked to him. I didn't want him to notice that I was staring. He was looking out the window, content in his thoughts. I know we would have to start the conversation. The one that I'm sure has been crossing his mind since I left.

"When do you leave?" He asked without looking away from the window.

Let it begin.

Looking down to my hands, I squeezed them together before taking in a deep breathe, praying that we both had the strength to get through this.

"My first departure is in a week. Prince Ling wants to start the journey as soon as possible. Anxious to get home and what not." My voice came out soft. Ling would be leaving sooner if he could. He had to be talked into staying just to make sure that both Lan Fan and he were in top shape condition.

"Do you know who else got these orders? Who's going to be going with you?"

"Not yet. I get the details in a few days."

"I imagine you weren't given a timeline or a general estimation on how long you'll be gone?" It wasn't a real question. We both know how the military works.

"No. Just until my orders change. Even then Grumman hinted that my new orders might not bring me back home." Not home. Him. I still might not be brought back to him.

"What about R&R?" He finally looked from the world outside and met my stare. Those blue eyes. I've never seen them so desperately sad. The only answer I could muster was a shake of the head. I knew where this was heading, and my heart was slowly tearing with every pump. I will get R&R but that doesn't mean I'll be able to come back. Even if I come back, I don't know if I would have it in me to see him for just a few days just to leave all over again.

The hurt in his eyes before he looked away again almost had me crumbling in my seat. Our conversation was now on hold as we both knew the path we were heading down.

"So, I get one week with you…before I possibly never see you again?" His laugh was only filled with bitterness. Bitterness that I know was not directed towards me. The possibility of me being ordered back but then he's transferred elsewhere was too common. There was good belief that we very well could never see each other again. "If you think about it though, I never thought I'd see you after the academy but that ended up not true. Maybe it'll be the same here?" The hope in his voice was killing me.

"Jean…" I looked to hospital floor, not able to look him in the eye with what I had to say.

"Would you come over here? I don't like you so far away." His voice was so gentle. So broken. I was fighting. Fighting the tears that were pressuring to come out. I wouldn't let them. Not yet at least. He doesn't need the burden of seeing me break.

"Jean…I need you to promise me something."

"No. We don't promise anything remember? That's how you-"

"The moment I step on that train…you let me go." I betrayed myself. The tears came gushing out with no control.

"What the hell are you talking about? Don't…don't you dare…" His voice quivered with the threat of tears in his eyes.

"I don't want you waiting for me. We don't know how long I'll be gone. It could be months or years. Either way, I don't want you to wait for me. It's not worth it." My voice was harsh now. I was trying to contain the sobs that were desperate to be relieved from my chest.

"Stop it. I'm not giving up on us. We can make it. Even if it is years…we can…"

"No. I saw what waiting did to my mother. I won't do that to anyone else. Especially you." I tried to gather my thoughts as I senselessly wiped away my tears and nose with my uniform sleeve. "I…I'm not saying that you have to go fall in love…" He scoffed at that. I closed my eyes trying to find the words to get through the rest of this. "I'm not saying to go fall in love with someone else….but if the opportunity should arise. Take it. Take it with open arms."

"Get out." I blinked at him with my tears frozen in place from shock.

"What?"

"If all you're going to do is spew bullshit about breaking up and falling in love with all other people, you can get the hell out. I would but clearly I can't go anywhere. At least not yet. But don't you worry, that'll change very soon." The heat and anger in his words were slicing me in half. "Now that I think about it…what the hell were you going to do if I wasn't healed? Were you just going to disappear without a word?"

"No! No. I mean…I don't know. I didn't really have time to think about it…" The guilt was eating away at me.

"What the hell Abby?" His tone had my heart in my throat.

"I don't know! I just…all I know is that my dreams were being handed to me on a forgiving platter…but instead all I saw was you. All my life's ambitions were in arms reach and all I could see was my future with you. It scared me, it-" Fear froze my next words as I realized what I was admitting. I looked to him in horror to see his expression mirroring my own. "That came out wrong." I quickly said as panic rushed all over my body and mind. He didn't say anything and that terrified me. "I meant, it did scare me…but ever since The Promised Day, when we all woke up, I knew that's all I wanted. A life with you. I don't care how or what kind of life it is, as long as you're in it I'll be happy." I was back tracking, and he knew it. His entire demeanor was telling me he didn't believe a word I was saying anymore. Didn't matter if I meant it or not, but I did. I wanted him but I also wanted my dreams. I wanted my cake and to be able to eat it too.

Running on nothing but panic and adrenaline, I rose from my seat. I gave him one long look before rushing to the closed door.

"Don't go." He gently pleaded just as my hand hovered over the door handle. I froze in place, as relief and confusion washed over me. "Tell Grumman you changed your mind. Don't go to Xing." A pained sob escaped from my chest as I hung my head, new tears falling straight to the floor. He couldn't ask this of me. I already explained it was this or a dishonorable discharge. "Stay here with me. I won't rejoin either." I shook my head at his words. The desperation in his voice had me feeling like I was being ripped in half. "We'll build a life together. Of course, I don't know exactly what we'll do right now…maybe start a general store here in Central? We would still be with everyone and also be together. I'm sure Pops would be more than willing to expand his business here in Central." I couldn't take it anymore. With all the force I had I tore away from the door and ran to him. I don't know what he was saying, but whatever it was, I cut him off as I clutched his shirt with both of my hands and pulled him into kiss.

His arms immediately embraced me. My hands left his shirt to roam up to his face. I needed to sear the memory of how he felt, how he tasted into the deepest part of my mind. The way he clung to me, let me believe he wasn't going to let me walk out of here. We both knew I was going to. Taking in all that I could from him, I broke the kiss. I wished I hadn't, but I finally saw the tears streaming down his cheeks. My heart leapt to comfort him, but I denied the impulse.

"Let me go." I whispered. His arms only tightened around me. Another sob released from me. "Jean…let me go." I pleaded as I memorized the exact shade of blue in his eyes. With resentment, he slowly loosened his hold. I quickly leaned in one more time for one last kiss. As I felt his arms tightening all over again, I shoved myself away from him, running to the door. He didn't call for me and I didn't look back. I knew it would only ruin me. I tore the door open and raced down the hall.

"Lovington?" Breda called for me as I sprinted passed them, through the lobby and out of the hospital. I ran. I ran until I couldn't, praying that the pain in my lungs would ease the one in my heart.

I stopped as I bent over, hands on my knees trying my best to breathe. I was hoping the run would help but it only made it worse. Everything I had just ran from was catching up to me. Through each pained breath I took, a pathetic sob breathed out.

I braced myself as my hands and knees met the ground and I buried my face in the dirt as I screamed with heartbreak. His desperate words screaming through my mind. I had no words of comfort for myself. I didn't deserve comfort. I didn't deserve him or the time I did have with him. I would do just about anything in this moment to be able to go back in time and stop myself from asking that one question under the lit streetlight. To stop any of the pain I just caused him. I screamed as I cursed at myself for doing the one thing I swore I would never do. I will never forgive myself. I couldn't. ~

End of Chapter 27

Thanks for reading!