XXIX

~ The usually hot day seemed unusually hot this evening. The setting sun beat down on me as I was close to wrapping up my daily run. Although, I wore only a black sports bra, cropped leggings and my hair in its normal bun, the heat had me sweating like I was running with a sweat suit. I ran further than I have in a long time on the trail that circled our hovel base, hoping it would ease up my nerves.

It didn't. I could still feel the anxiety bubbling in my gut as I upped my pace as the final stretch came into sight. For days now this had become my routine. The distance in my run grew each day as I waited for word on our new orders and our new location. We had just completed a big case and I was promoted to Colonel for the victory. I was still basking more in the glory of my team's victory than the actual promotion though. This case was tough. Not the toughest but it certainly had us expanding our skills and knowledge. I was proud of my team. Now, we played the waiting game.

I was fine with it. We deserved a little down time and whatever we could consider a vacation. Granted we all would've preferred to be anywhere than where we are now. We were practically straddling the southern boarder for the last 5 weeks and we were all over the heat by week 2. Summer was coming to an end so it should be cooling down some, but not enough to make a difference in our comfort.

I crossed my finished line and desperately gasped for air as my full sprint came to an end. I bent over, hands on my knees as I felt sweat dripping down my neck, back and chest. I stood up straight again and started to walk slowly to my water bottle, trying to even out my breathing. Bending over again to pick up my bottle from the ground, I tried not to think about the latest rumors as the warm water traveled down my throat. The water was barely lukewarm when I had left it and now I cringed from the current raised temperature no thanks to the sun. Groaning in disproval, I closed the bottle back up and threw it back on the ground, lying in the grass myself. My breathing was almost back to normal. I looked up to the warm, red, and purple colored sky and prayed that my anxiety was all in my head.

I might be fine with Command Center staying quiet for so long and giving us a break for once…but it also has led to everyone believing it was because we were going to be ordered back to Central. Which was something I was ready for.

Four years. It's been four years since I've been anywhere near Central. I was hoping the number would be in double digits before I went back. I've come and gone from all over the country. I would almost argue that I've been to every major city by now. Also have gone to so many other countries outside of ours. I've seen so much…both good and bad. The experienced I've gained and memories I've made almost feel like a dream when I think about it a little too hard. I've really accomplished my life goal. If anything, I was ready to come back to Central. There really wasn't more on my bucket list that needed to be scratched off. There was just one thing that had me hesitant on the idea.

I grunted as I sat up, annoyed that I had worked myself up all over again. I looked to the near distance at the tents that were still pitched up, wondering if Becker was around. I hope he was. I needed a good spar to get the rest of these new jitters out. I stood up and gathered my water bottle and sweat towel from the ground, walking back to camp. I used the towel to wipe the running sweat off of my face, neck, lower part of my back and even in and around under my bra. I knew I was gonna sweat all over again just by the walk back alone. This small towel was gonna be drenched by the time I was all done with it.

As I reached camp, I found Staff St. Lina Fischer at the radio station. Her strawberry blonde hair was unusually pulled up in pigtails. The heat must be getting to her as well. She had her headphones on, but her hazel eyes were zoned out which led me to believe that there still had been no news from Command Center. I stopped right by her, causing her to blink a few times breaking the trance she was in. She glanced up at me and gave me her normal overly sweet smile. I was grateful that she was traded on our team for Addams two years prior. She added the sweet and relaxing atmosphere that I'm sure we were all missing. Addams only ever added to the tension. Especially when it came to me. Unlike Addams, Fischer and I had become close rather quickly.

"Hi, Colonel?" Her innocent voice teased on my new rank as she took the headphones off, setting them gently on her wonky table that the bulky radio gear rested, as if they would be the reason the whole thing collapse.

"Do you know where Becker is?" I asked as I dreadfully took a swig from my warmed bottle. Fischer turned herself around in her stationed chair as she looked around for him.

"Uh…I'm not too sure. The last time I saw him, he said he was hunkering down for a nap. I want to say that was 20 minutes ago?" She turned back to face me. I rolled my eyes with an annoyed smirk as I turned toward Becker's tent, knowing that I would also have to fight him to get him up before I actually fought him.

"Thanks." I said back to Fischer, walking away.

"Good luck, Colonel." She hollered back to me. When I reached Becker and Koch's tent, I poked my head in to see if he was still in sleep mode. When I saw him lying on his cot, I huffed a breath of protest and walked in the rest of the way to his bed. I kicked the side of the cot to get his attention, but he made no movement.

"Becker." I kicked it again.

"Mmm." I at least got a grunt out of him this time. His disheveled medium brown hair let me know that he's been down for some time now. Probably ever since I started my run.

"Becker wake up." I ordered, hoping the stern tone in my voice would trigger him to at least sit up.

"Why?" This man is still in dreamland because there's no way he has the audacity to question a superior officer.

"Because I told you too. Get up. I need a round with you." The only movement he made was to tuck himself in even further into his cot. I couldn't believe it. It had to me at least 100 degrees and he was cocooning himself in a blanket. I'm tempted to take him to the closest psych ward and have him checked out. Might take me a day or two to find a psych ward…but I was almost determined enough.

I sighed with irritation and looked to his mess of a nightstand, thinking I would just have to wait for him to wake up on his own. With punishment, of course

Then I saw a perfectly filled cup of water, begging me to use it. With a misguided smirk, I took the cup and propped my foot on the edge of his cot, readying myself to tip it over. Without any warning, I dumped the cup right over his head. With his usual quick reflexes, he started to sit up with a holler but before he got very far in collecting himself, I pushed the cot with my foot, and it tipped right over with him in it. The way his body tumbled to the floor had me failing to hold in my laugh. I started to back up the way I had come in.

"What the hell Colonel?" He shouted as he sat up on the ground, combing the little bit of water on his face along with his wet hair away from his eyes. Those aquamarine eyes darkened with anger, locking right on me. There was more water in that cup than I thought. I was kinda impressed that the small cup could hold so much.

"Oops. My bad, Lieutenant." I continued to chuckle as I released the cup from my hand and shrugged unapologetically.

"That's not an apology." His mischievous grin spread on his face as he got on his knees and reached for his squared wire framed eyeglasses, slipping them on his nose. He knew all too well what was about to happen.

"You want an apology?" I backed up more and I was now standing right in the threshold of his tent. "You know what you have to do." Several beats of silence fell between us as we waited for either of us to make the first move. He quickly pushed himself up to his feet, jumping over the cot. A playful yelp escaped my throat as I turned as quickly as possible and started to sprint away from camp and headed back to the running trail.

"Koch watch out!" I barked an order as 1st St. Dirk Koch stepped out of the tent we used for bathing. Staying light on his toes, he took the two steps back, making me barely miss him.

"What the…heads up! Colonel and Becker are at it again." I heard Koch holler, which meant Becker must be right behind me. I refused to look back, knowing it would slow me down just enough for him to catch me. The running trail was right ahead, and I could hear Becker inching closer. I was trying to figure out what the best approach would be for dodging him with him so close. He's gotten faster. I'm sure he was reaching out to grab me. Just a bit further and then I can…

My hunch was right. As I slowed my pace, I quickly brought my hands up to catch his wrist and arm that had been hovering right over my shoulder, maneuvering him and me so he was now facing me straight on. He seemed to have lost his glasses along the way. He didn't hesitate for a second and came right for me again. We went back and forth with defending and attacking. Attempting at being sly with our creativity with some of our moves. This had become a common occurrence with us. It wasn't unusual that one of us would challenge another. Fischer and Koch would try from time to time. I also made it a mandatory drill for everyone. Best way to keep us in shape and quick on our toes for when the time came. No reason for anyone to loose what they learned by not exercising it.

My long run was starting to catch up to me and Becker didn't seem to be tiring out. He's landed a few good hits that would more than likely leave a bruise. He never backed off though and that's what I appreciated about him. Since day one he has treated me as both a superior and an equal. Other than a few altercations with Addams when she was here, the whole team has treated me this way. These last four years have done wonders for my confidence. It took a while before I was able to confidently give orders rather than take them. I mostly have Becker to thank for that.

I was able to land a sturdy kick to his stomach that finally gave me the opening that I was waiting for, to take him down and thank God for that. My energy was walking the line on empty at this point. Keeping with my ongoing movement from the kick, I quickly went low and used the same leg to swipe his feet from under him. The way my leg hit, had him falling forward. He hit the ground hard and before he could get back on his feet I pinned his arms behind him, keeping one of my knees on his back.

He struggled for a moment, fighting to shake me off. He realized quickly that I had him. He went limp with a chuckle, conceding to my victory. I released my hold on him and flopped on the ground next him, lying on my back. He flipped over himself, lying on his back as well. Our breaths were heavy as we panted together almost in sync.

"The way you two fight always reminds me of dancing." Fischer said as she and Koch approached us, an admiring gleam in her eyes. I noticed Koch was writing something in his notebook, with his usual unamused expression. He must have added another tally to my side for a win. An exhausted chuckle left me as I tried to get my breath under control again.

"Ten bucks the Colonel has two left feet." Becker said next to me, in between breaths. I shot him a dumbfounded glare.

"I can dance just fine, thank you very much." I shot back, stopping myself from hammering my fist down on his exposed stomach. His white t-shirt had ridden up on him giving everyone a perfect view of his well sculpted abdomens.

"Then why won't you ever dance with me?" His question had my cheeks warming for a whole new reason. Once again those overly curious aquamarine eyes had me flustered as we waited to see if I would finally answer a question. Once again deciding to ignore his question and the skip my heart made, I sat myself up.

"So, what's the score, Koch?" I asked, happy that my breath was back to normal. Koch reopened his notebook and scratched his head with the eraser side of the pencil he held as he skimmed over all the tallies. I'm sure the page was almost full of them.

"I don't know. Last time I actually counted was a while ago. You can rest assure you're far in the lead Colonel." He answered in his almost monotone way.

"I'll take it." I said as I looked back over with an overly boastful grin pointed right at Becker. With a hint of admiration hidden in those green eyes, he quickly gave me a sarcastic eye roll as he sat up himself, his arm brushing against my shoulder.

"Here." Koch leaned over, handing Becker his glasses.

"Thanks." He took them with an embarrassed smile, slipping them back on his nose.

"I still can't believe you haven't actually lost or broken those yet." Fischer spoke.

"I'm not too worried if I do. I got you to fix them." Becker shot her a confident grin.

"Not gonna lie, I've been secretly hoping you do break them so I can give you a more fashionable look." Fischer admitted confidently.

"On second thought, maybe I do need to worry." Becker quickly changed his mind.

"Any word?" I looked up to ask Fischer. I've been trying so hard not ask her today. I've been asking several times a day now about our possible new orders and I knew it was starting to weigh on her. She only shook her head. Disappointment and worry taking over her features and mirroring my own.

"We're definitely going back home. I feel it in my bones." Becker said as he grabbed my shoulders and shook me gently from excitement. I scoffed a sarcastic laugh, brushing his hands away. I pushed myself up from the ground and without a word, walked back to camp. I know everyone has been asking questions about my disproval on going back to Central…Question that I have been refusing to answer. It's not that I was forbidding them to know about my past life…I just didn't see a reason to open up about it. It was the past for a reason. How could I ever get over it and move on if I were to bring it out in the open. Maybe I need to make a call to Command Center myself and get at least an idea to what is going on. Help me get some sleep for a night. I figured I should mull things over after a well needed shower before jumping the gun, because this wasn't going to be a pleasant call.

My well needed shower ended up being pointless as the late evening air remained unbearably warm. I sat at my small desk inside my tent, sweating my butt off despite the fact that I wore military blue shorts and a white tank top. The humidity didn't help, as usual. I've missed my cute nighties these last four years.

With my oil lamp glowing on my desk, it set the tone of my sulking mood. I know I shouldn't get myself so worked up over something I can't control. Sooner or later I would've been summon back. It was inevitable. I also no longer have the desire to travel any longer. I lost that spark quite a while ago actually. I was finally ready to settle down and stay in one location for as long as I could. Maybe forever? I just can't shake this uneasiness of going back and seeing…

A pair of gentle blue eyes flashed through my memory before I pushed them away in a panic. I leaned forward and propped my elbows on the desk, hiding my face in my hands as the anxiety set in all over again.

Four years…almost five. How does it feel like it was just last week but also a lifetime ago? I wasn't ready. The dumb part of all this, for all I know, I'm worrying over nothing because there could be a chance that he's not stationed in Central. I only got a few updates of him when I had first stationed out.

The last update I got was a picture of him being discharged from therapy. Hawkeye was kind enough to send a picture and everything. I remember the joy and sadness that overcame me seeing him standing on his own, with the biggest smile plastered on his face. I regretted for the longest time that I couldn't have been there both in his recovery and after. Hawkeye wrote that he had already re-enlisted with the military and was on his way to Ishval for the reconstruction. That was the last update I had received. 3 and a half years ago. I still have the picture…but I never look at it. The bittersweet pain was always too much for me to handle. I tried to believe that if I stopped looking at it…stopped reminding myself of everything that I willingly gave up…I could move on.

I ran my hands down my face, having them meet and intertwine with each other to rest under my chin. I was fighting to push back the urge to bring the photo out. I was actually scared to see his face again. Even if was just in picture form. So how the hell was I supposed to do it face to face?

I groaned as I gave into another temptation and opened the top side drawer to the desk and pulled out my pack of cigarettes and the almost empty matchbook. I popped a cigarette out of the box and tore a match, striking it on the spark strip and lighting the cigarette with it. I whipped the match in my hand to extinguish it, placing it on top of my desk. In the same drawer that I still had opened, I pulled out the ash tray and set it next to the smoking match, resting the cigarette on the tray. I watched the match dye out completely before switching my attention to the slow burning cigarette, letting the familiar scent wash over me in comfort. It was like a gentle hug. I buried my face in my hands again as the usual guilt of this habit set in. I hate that I still do this. I've never been able to fully stop. It's so pathetic.

"Oh good. You're still up." I didn't move when I heard Becker walk in and sit behind me on my bed.

"What do you want, Lieutenant?" I practically grunted out. I was far too tired and too hot to put up with any of his shenanigans. I heard him take a seat on my cot behind me.

"You ok?" The amused concern in his voice had me taking in a deep breath before I once again removed my hands from my face and turned in my seat to face him. He was leaning forward with his forearms propped on top of his thighs, glasses in place, eyebrow raised with a gentle smile. Despite the fact that it was a million degrees he held a warm cup of coffee which I'm sure played into the sweat that beaded down the side of his forehead as I noticed the rest of his body was glistening. Luckily, it seemed he was able to keep most of his white undershirt dry, or at least it seemed that way.

"I'm fine." I finally replied with a tired smile. All the extra conditioning I had done and stress from the day was finally catching up to me. Becker let me know that he didn't believe that in the slightest with his eyebrows knitting together.

"Clearly not." I noted his sight resting on the cigarette, sitting comfortably in the tray. I could see the questions in his eyes when he brought them back to me. The questions he knew better than to ask. I almost regretted the moment I explained why I do this. Light a cigarette but never take a single puff.

"Just getting sick and tired of waiting for command to tell us what's up. I would've thought we would have heard something by now." I shifted in my seat and snuffed out the cigarette. The remaining aroma lingered sweetly around me.

"Is that all?" I was careful with my features with that question. He was trying to read me, and I didn't appreciate it. I didn't like that he thought he knew me well enough to tell when I was holding back.

"Yes." I answered and continued with caution. "What else could it be?" He answered with silence, eye shifting into disappointment. He finally broke our gaze looking down and huffed out a painful laugh.

"I keep hoping that one of these days…after everything we've been through, you would open up to me. Even if it was just a little." When he brought his eyes back to mine, the pain in them sent a brick of guilt down to my stomach. I re-enforced my wall as I always did when it came to these conversations with him. He was constantly trying to chip away at it, attempting to find the weak point so he could ram right through.

"How many times have we had this same conversation, Becker?" My tired tone expressed that I truly didn't want to have it again. "I'm not interested in having an intimate…"

"I know. I know." The irritation in his voice let me know that he also didn't want to have this conversation for the hundredth time. "It just drives me insane because…every time I think I'm breaking through and getting closer to you, I see the shadow of him in your eyes and you pull away all over again." I didn't know what to say to that. I never made it known about my past. I always fought with myself to keep those things hidden. It was something I felt no one needed to know, and I honestly want to just forget about all of it.

"Is that all you came by for? To talk about my past?" Everyone else has never asked questions. The few times they did, they never brought it up again as I made it clear that I wouldn't be answering anything. It was none of their business. What was their business were the events that happened in their company. Everything prior was off limits.

"No. I came to tell you that-" Becker was cut off by Fischer poking her head inside.

"Did you tell her?" Fischer asked, confused. Becker didn't say anything. He only pushed his lips together and shook his head gently.

"Tell me what?" Why was my stomach sinking? I looked from Becker to Fischer and back to Becker, trying to confirm if my gut was right. "Did you…" I started to ask when Fischer came all the way in and handed me a folded half sheet of paper. I quickly unfolded it open and held my breath as I read the written text in Fischer's handwriting. I read it over and over, making sure that I wasn't seeing things.

The hope in my chest made me realize that I was wanting this outcome this entire time. Becker and Fischer remained silent, waiting for my response. "That settles it. Tell Koch if you haven't already. Pack up what we can and abandon everything else." I placed the opened note on my desk, gaze still on it as I tried to slow my heart rate. I finally looked between the two of them again before completing my order. Fischer had a knowing grin while Becker seemed unexpectedly sour. "We leave for Central before daybreak." ~

End of Chapter 29