Chapter 10: I'm Not Crazy
Gaz's footsteps were almost uncertain as she headed to the bridge of the Ark, which never happened to her. Her steps were always assured and with purpose, but she couldn't get Tallest Blue's words out of her head: Melissa … You look just like her.
The young woman had always known it. She could see it in her father's gaze whenever he took his goggles off. He never said anything, of course. Mom's death almost stung as badly as Dib's.
Walking onto the bridge, the large viewing screen a blur of stars as the ship traveled faster than light, Gaz stalled and stood there for a moment. Her father was speaking with his second in command, talking about who had made it back … and who had not.
She listened to the code names for a moment, wondering if their deaths had been glorious.
It was strange how their people had changed now that they were among the stars. One would think that they would become more civilized or perhaps more tech-savvy given it decided if they would live or die between the blackness of the planets, but no. Instead, the forced exodus seemed to awaken a primal pride in their people, like there had always been warriors and hunters right below everyone's skin.
It was as if they had become Vikings of the stars. They pillaged and took and fought. Pride was in the battle and the blood. Gaz sometimes compared it to a game that she always won.
The escape of Blue was just a hiccup. He was just a mini-boss and in the end, Zim's defeat was the only one that mattered. But it still stung to admit that she had a blemish on her record.
She'd just have to try again.
After hanging up his vid call, the bridge empty as all spare hands helped with the returning warriors, the professor turned to her. His tone was tired, part of him already knowing she hadn't killed Blue. "We'll get him next time, honey. The only thing that matters is that you made it back okay and that our sabotage took. Zim's always been our main target anyway. If anything, this confrontation has informed us that he isn't anywhere near the Massive, which is good news for us. It means that he's likely out there on his own or at least has an insufficient guard. If we track him down, we'll finally have him."
Her father was now standing, the metal of his robotic arms glinting near his rolled-up sleeves as he continued to talk, vid screens now gathering around him with requests for acceptance. He never stopped. He was always moving, thinking, and planning. Gaz had long since learned to just walk next to his side if she wanted to speak to him, to have a glimmering moment of his attention.
"We managed to steal some of the Massive's logs," he continued, tone almost excited. "It might give us an idea of where Zim went or at least where some of their invaders are located. We will finally have that monster and his underlings."
Her dad was going to start a rant, was going to get swept away in the chase for revenge, and then he might not listen to her for days. And so she blurted it out, like a confession she was ashamed of, "Melissa. He knew her name … and said I looked just like her."
Membrane stalled, the whole world and every vid screen around him seeming to stop as well. Slowly, he turned, a pained dip in his brow as he asked, "What did you say?"
Gaz swallowed, part of her wanting to forget what Tallest Blue had said because it scared her, but she repeated herself regardless, "Tallest Blue told me that I looked like mom. He said I looked like Melissa."
The next words hurt, but she asked them aloud nonetheless, "How did he know mom's name? Zim didn't even know her name."
For the first time in a long time … the professor had nothing to say.
…
Sitting in his Tallest chair on the bridge, his battle armor still on, Blue glared out at the inky blackness of space … where the Ark had been. The infiltrators that weren't already dead had escaped and then the Ark had turned tail and ran, detonating dozens of bombs throughout the Massive with its retreat.
Three out of the six of the cheese vats had been destroyed; one of the converters in the power room was mangled beyond repair; the donuts conveyor system was trashed; and the conductor to the large forward-facing Doom Cannon was done for. There was other damage for course, and there wasn't even a full-body count done yet. They'd probably be finding little service drones curled up in the Massive's darkest or least traveled corners for weeks.
Tallest Blue sighed and rubbed his head again, trying not to touch any of the bandages he had on. The healing drones were frantic when they saw him bleeding and blistering when he got to the bridge, but he waved them off telling them he only needed battle dressings. His soldiers and advisors needed medical care.
Even from here, he could see Lepo glaring at him even as the Head Medic treated other Irkens' injuries on the bridge. Blue refused to look at him. He would not be cowed into going to the medical bay when his ship was still on fire.
In fact, he could still hear more damage reports all the way from his chair, Sizz-Lorr's voice a constant like the humming of the remaining engines. He did not miss the way General Sizz-Lorr kept throwing glances at him as well as if asking for permission to come and speak with him. The uninjured advisors were doing the same thing, but as soon as they lost the Ark in the short ensuing chase … Blue just snapped, his voice echoing over the entire bridge.
"What do you mean we can't catch them?! Its an idiot scientist that doesn't even believe in aliens and a little girl that only plays video games! I want both of them in custody!"
As soon as the words left him … he knew them to be true if a little dated. And it terrified him, just like how he knew Gaz Membrane looked like her mother.
Sizz-Lorr had actually looked aghast and unsure of what to say. The advisors' blatant stares didn't make it any better. Plus, as if choosing this particularly wonderful time to remind him that his pak was damaged, his pak started blinking as a warning of low energy.
Confused and suddenly lethargic, Blue icily added, "I need to think. No one is to address me unless I speak to them first! Am I understood? Sizz-Lorr find that ship and have all the bloody fires put out!"
And so it was obeyed as Blue sat there and tried to rest his pak while gathering his thoughts. Only the softest of murmurers and the whine of half functioning equipment filled the bridge. Blue knew something was very, very wrong, and he wasn't referring to the attack and escape of the Ark.
Something was wrong with his head and his pak. They weren't communicating right … and his medic and advisors knew it. He could tell by the way their whispers stalled whenever he glared in their direction. If such a glare had come from Zim, they all would be compelled to find excuses to leave the bridge or risk the airlock. But, even as muddled as his thoughts were right now, his Irkens all trusted him enough not to act so rashly and it irritated him. Especially since they would all raise their antennae hopefully like he was finally going to call someone over.
It was a matter for pride now as childish as that sounds.
Slumping further into his chair, knowing that this wasn't going to last forever because he was probably an hour away from his pak pulling him into sleep mode, Blue looked over at Sizz-Lorr. The bulky Irken was whispering calmly as a good commander should. He always did his job well.
Despite being angry at the General, a part of him kind of longed for his company … as if he was Blue's confidant in a past life or something. It was like he could almost grasp an old conversation between the two of them, Sizz-Lorr chuckling warmly.
Blue suddenly felt a loss. Sizz-Lorr had always seemed distant to him. Why would they have a friendly conversation?
Running a hand down his face again, terrified of losing his mind and being called defective, Blue addressed Sizz-Lorr … much to the ire of his advisors and healing drones.
"General Sizz-Lorr, come to my side," he commanded, Sizz-Lorr's antennae snapping up straight in attention.
Blue waited until the General was before him before he spoke again, noting that the General's antennae were now low and against his head in a show of submission. A wise move on the ex-fry cook's part after letting the Ark escape. Nonetheless, he stared at Sizz-Lorr for an uncomfortable amount of time from his chair, eyes half-mast.
"If I was Tallest Zim," finally said Blue, waving a gauntlet covered hand. "I'd send you to Irk as punishment for lying to me."
Sizz-Lorr audibly swallowed.
"Luckily for you, I am not," continued Blue sourly, part of his mind reminding him he was mad at Zim as well, "but I expect restitution for your blatant disregard of one Tallest about something as important as the Ark. Your obvious show of favoritism disappoints me."
The ex-fry cook looked like he wanted to throw himself out of an airlock now. That wasn't surprising. This basically was a public shaming, all of the bridge bearing witness to it. Traditionally, public shamings were done with vats of acid eels or lasers, but Blue preferred his words because there was nothing like a Tallest's disappointment to bring an Irken to heel.
"I had an interesting confrontation in one the halls during the battle, Sizz-Lorr … with a human. She tried to kill me you know," said Blue, ignoring the instant silence on the bridge as he rotated his damaged gauntlet in the light, showing off the multitude of knife impacts that had scraped off the paint. "She said her name was Gaz Membrane and that she was getting revenge on, not me, but Zim for taking her world, her games, her pizza, and … her brother."
Blue also wanted to added that it was like he knew her. That she looked like her mother, but he had a feeling he wasn't supposed to know those things.
Sizz-Lorr merely looked ill.
"Tell me, do you know of this Gaz? Or her Bear and Bunny?" asked Blue, part of him wondering if he should take off his gauntlet to get a point across, to show the General his thumb-less hands as a reminder that he was a ruler. His hand did ache after all, but it might just be ghost pains from his missing thumb or it could be something more serious. That had been an impressive blade to crack his armor at all.
Sizz-Lorr swallowed, watching as Blue slowly discarded the decorative armor on his arms, each piece falling with a heavy clank. Carefully, the General stated, "You are lucky to be safe, my Tallest. Skull Girl, as she has been dubbed, has a nasty habit of … collecting the antennae of her victims. Bear and Bunny aren't any better, but they will sooner gut you before collecting parts of you."
The horrified look on some of the advisors' faces that hadn't been in the hall told Blue he was probably a few good minutes from being walled up in his room for his own protection. They really did treat him like a smeet sometimes.
Gauntlets now off, a shallow knife wound in one hand showing the price of saving Advisor Rigg, Blue looked at his thumb numbs … and missed his fingers. He knew he should be able to rule without them, but he still missed his thumbs.
Looking back up, part of him knowing that Sizz-Lorr was keeping things from him, he added in a careful whisper, "Did you know that Gaz Membrane looks like her mother?"
Sizz-Lorr looked pink like he was about to lose his last meal.
Voice still a whisper, part of him loving that his advisors all looked like they were going to have a conniption because they couldn't overhear, Blue asked, "Tell me Sizz-Lorr, how is it that I know these humans that I have never met?"
Antennae twitching, his eyes shifting like he was struggling for an answer, Sizz-Lorr swallowed thickly and leaned in to whisper, "I'm sorry my Tallest, but you'd have to ask Tallest Zim for those answers. He knows more than I, and I merely must do as I am commanded."
Blue frowned deeply. He wanted to call Interrogator Nave into the room and have Sizz-Lorr taken for interrogation, but at the mere thought, a part of his mind revolted as if he had just backhanded a mentor. Sizz-Lorr was guilty, yes, but he knew that Zim had commanded it.
"And where is Tallest Zim?" asked Blue darkly as he looked around the bridge, adding sarcastically, "Not here. Little surprise there. Does anyone even know where he ran off to?"
All the pilots in the den looked away and Sizz-Lorr wouldn't meet his gaze. Of course, no one knew. Zim could just galavant off wherever he wanted while Blue had to deal with a small caravan of glorified babysitters. The advisors always knew where Blue was.
Blue rose to his feet despite the exhaustion of his pak. He made sure to make it obvious that he was taller than everyone in the room, his words digging in, "Well, then. I suppose I will have to find the answers myself. I always did enjoy the hunt for the truth. And I suppose the best place to go for that is the source … the humans."
The General looked like he had just been punched in the squeedlyspooch, his eyes widening, "The humans? B-but my Tallest. We just lost the Ark. We have no idea where they jumped to. We'll have to gather intelligence from outposts which can take weeks. And usually, when we do get a lead, its always a trap. I will not drag my Tallest into a trap."
Sizz-Lorr's defensive tone at the end would have been heartwarming if Blue wasn't still angry.
"And I am not talking about the Ark … I'm talking about the human's home base," said Blue simply, part of his mind instinctively coming to conclusions about human behavior. "A large part of the humans' diets is grains, vegetables, and proteins like meat. So they would have to have a place to grow that food, to train and rest their soldiers, and birth their spawn if they are trying to repopulate. They obviously have to be growing their own food if they aren't stealing our snacks. Humans can only consume so much sugar after all. So, find where they have set up camp and you take the whole kingdom. Including, the Ark."
Sizz-Lorr gained a curious expression, the older Irken admitting, "We've wondered if they've set up a base somewhere given the Ark's disappearances for long intervals. We thought they were just refueling, but a home base seems far more likely given their consumption requirements. But, my Tallest, it could be anywhere. Human's don't mind wandering the outlier systems, stealing whatever they need. It could be some dirtball with a number for a name or even a large asteroid in some forgotten belt."
Blue hummed, part of him getting excited about a chase. He didn't even feel that angry anymore. He just wanted to pursue the truth and calm the questions in his foggy mind. So, he quickly added, "Humans have always been hunters and gathers. They provide for larger groups like the young or the old. So ... where are our humans raiding Sizz-Lorr?"
The bulky Irken seemed to comprehended something, the words escaping him, "The Ter-Ick Wastes. They are always raiding any ships that use that trade route. It had always seemed random, but we could probably centralize their base's location by pervious raids."
Blue almost smiled. He could feel it … an old thrill, like something he had lost as a child. "Then to the Ter-Ick Wastes. I will have my answers if Zim will not tell me."
Sizz-Lorr looked uncertain but straightened his antennae regardless and saluted, "As my Tallest commands."
Feeling satisfied, Blue was about to sit down and allow at least a snack drone in his presence when advisor Dimm suddenly swept into the room, overhearing the last of the conversation.
"I am sorry to intrude my Tallest but that command will have to be delayed. We need to return to Irk," said the advisor, the pilot den's click-clacking ending as quickly as it started.
Tallest Blue's ghost of a smile was immediately gone and a scowl formed on his lips. Blue never thought badly of Advisor Dimm. The Irken did his job even though there was an obvious dislike between Tallest Zim and him. To suddenly have Advisor Dimm contradict one of his commands was worrying.
Nonetheless, Blue straightened his stance, his tone only slightly irritated, "Returning to Irk can wait. We are a war vessel and are more than capable of functioning even while performing repairs. We don't have to return to Irk until we get some answers."
Surprisingly, Dimm didn't immediately step down like usual. Instead, the advisor actually stepped forward, his voice carrying, "I'm sorry, my Tallest … but we cannot risk the safety of both of the Tallests right now, especially since no one can locate Tallest Zim. There is the worry that he might have been tricked into leaving the Massive alone."
It hung in the air that Tallest Zim might already be dead … not that Blue would believe that for a second. Zim was like a cockroach.
Now irritated that the oldest and tallest advisor was speaking out against his command, Blue replied, "He probably ditched his guards and is doing something idiotic like trying to find an entrance to the original room with a moose or something foolish. He never did get over the loss of Mini-Moose. Or, knowing him, he just wanted vort dogs and didn't want to share."
At this, all the Irken's shared a look in the pilots' den. Who was Mini-Moose? What did he mean by the original room with a moose? Wasn't there only one?
"Zim will return. He has an irritating habit of it," groused Tallest Blue almost knowingly, heading back to his seat as if the conversation was complete. "Now, General Sizz-Lorr, you have a command to fulfill. We will be heading to the Ter-Ick Wastes."
Dimm stood there a moment, his frown growing before he looked at a digipad in his claws. He seemed to dwell on it for a second before he quickly gained a new resolve and walked all the way up to Blue's chair, handing the device to his Tallest.
"I'm sorry my Tallest, but the decision has already been made," said Dimm calmly, his head held high as if he had the authority to do whatever he wanted right now. "The Control Brains have commanded that the Massive and Tallest Blue be returned to Irk immediately for repair and ... pak review." Blue twitched as if he had just been slapped, but Dimm's voice refused to falter, "With both your pak's energy output and memory health in question, you are to be put under the watchful care of your healing drones and advisors until we arrive on Irk. All your control duties for the ship are to be rerouted to the advisors on the vessel at this time. A recording of the Control Brain's commands has been recorded for your reference at this time."
For a moment, Blue stood there appalled. It was as if all the air had been knocked out of his breathing sacks, taunting voices in his head now echoing: he's crazy. And yet, when he turned his gaze to his healing drones and advisors on the bridge, they weren't pointing or laughing. Instead, they were refusing to meet his gaze. In fact, all their antennae were tightly pressed against their heads.
They all knew about this. They all plotted against him. They thought he was defective … didn't they?
Dimm's antennae finally showed a reaction the longer the silence dragged on, the advisor clearing his throat as he carefully asked, "Do you understand, my Tallest?"
Blue's claws were shaking now, betrayal swirling in his squeedlyspooch. All he could do was tighten his grip on the digipad until the sound of crinkling glass filled the room as he slowly crushed the device in his hand. It took a whisper from Sizz-Lorr to finally shake him out of the laughter, the taunts, and the word anyone had refused to say as of yet: defective.
"Here, my Tallest. I'll take the digipad so you don't hurt yourself. This one … is cracked," said Sizz-Lorr cautiously, the glass clinking to the floor and nipping at Blue's fingers. The taller Irken didn't even fight him as the General took the item, pink blood dribbling onto the floor.
When Blue finally looked up at his advisor, at Sizz-Lorr, he looked more like a scarred smeet then a powerful ruler of the Irken Empire. And when he moved his mouth, the words were in English and completely wrong, "I'm not crazy."
Then, before anyone could even react, Blue was seemingly fleeing the bridge, as if running from all the ghosts of his past. Of which … there were many.
Watching the door shut, the advisors on the sidelines seemed to realize what had just happened. Some of them even cried out for their Tallest to please wait before giving case. Sizz-Lorr allowed the bridge to fall back into silence before he turned to look at Dimm, wondering if the Irken had gotten what he wanted or the exact opposite. His words were sharp and yet completely on point, "Are you happy now?"
Happy now ...
Happy now ...
Happy now ...
"Happy now?!" finally snapped Dib as he flailed his arms at Sizz-Lorr before slumping back into his chair, crossing his arms over his chest like a child as he refused to look at the bulky Irken that sat beside him. "I've repeated it just fine! I don't need every syllable sounded out to me like I'm a toddler. I am seventeen years old … At least I think I am. I'm not really sure how much time has passed in space."
Sizz-Lorr sighed, his body shifting slightly on the stool next to Dib as he spoke calmly, "I need to correct you now, Dib. We can't have you pronouncing the basics of the Irken language with a lisp or an accent. You might get labeled as defective and we can't have that. We want attention away from you ... And by my calculation, seventeen Earth years equals about three iars. Even as tall as you are, you'd be taken back to the smeet nurseries in a heart beat to be properly educated. The Irken raiseries are very strict about this. Trust me."
Dib cringed at that, "I'll remember that … and can't we just go back to Irken history. Its at least interesting and I'm pretty good at it. Plus, I have a translator in my pak. Why do I even need to learn Irkish?"
"It's Irklesh," corrected Sizz-Lorr, only causing Dib to groan and wipe a hand down his face. "And though English may be in universal translators, no idea how it got there honestly, it will look odd to use it. Just practice with me a few more imen and then we can do some sparring. I know you at least like that."
"Imen?" questioned Dib, his antennae raising in question.
Sizz-Lorr sighed, ignoring Tak's snicker from under the little battle cruiser she was working on across the room. The large frylord still didn't know how he had ended up as the tutor for the changeling, but everyone had promptly agreed that neither Zim nor Gir were qualified. No one even knew how Gir got on the table as an option honestly. And though Gritt could help in the science and technology division, which Dib unsurprisingly excelled at, he was still a Voritan that only knew Irken culture from an outside perspective. Dib needed to seem like he was Irken and that left either Tak or Sizz-Lorr.
Being the oldest, Sizz-Lorr was immediately voted as the most patient of the two before he could voice otherwise. Thus, why he was acting like a tutor right now instead of putting the final touches on a space battle tank.
Not that he minded. There was a certain likability to the Dib. He was driven and smart, and Sizz-Lorr would have to agree with what both Tak and Zim had once told him: Earth did not deserve him.
Dib was a good soldier and if he had been born into Irken culture, great things would have been expected of him. And quite honestly, if everything went as planned, great things would be expected of him in the future.
Over the last few weeks, Sizz-Lorr felt something akin to pride honestly.
Is this was an imeel felt like?
He had never really trained cadets, but he knew that sometimes bonds would form between trainees or their trainers which sometimes earned the sentimental title imeel: meaning to-forever-tend. He supposed it was the closest thing to family units that soldier class Irkens had.
Irk. He was getting attached way to fast. Not that this should be unexpected. Dib basically just called himself a smeet … a smeet that was going to get himself killed if everything didn't go just right.
"Earth to Sizz-Lorr, what's an imen?" asked Dib, his antennae raised high in curiosity. The changeling really was too expressive with those things and he doubted there would be time to train it out of him.
"Its an Irken time unit. Comparative to your minutes but longer. In fact, I should add that to your curriculum as well as standard space-time units," added Sizz-Lorr, smirking as Dib flailed again like it was the most horrible thing in the world.
"Ugggh, why does everything start with an 'i' with you people? At this rate I'm going to mix up toilet and sandwich and get a dookie sandwich," grumbled Dib, reaching for his digipad so he could start a page for time units.
Tak snorted under the ship and Gritt chuckled to himself. Dib seemed surprised by their humor and smiled softly as well. The smeet really didn't have a lot of positive attention, did he?
"Now don't be a smeet. Time, space, and direction are not merely a concept like the Floot people like to believe. It must be learned," said Sizz-Lorr chuckling softly, part of him strangely okay with the thought of getting attached to Dib. He really was a good little soldier and a hard worker. Maybe letting himself fall into the role of imeel wouldn't be that bad.
And so the lesson continued, Tak throwing in one of her strange dry cackles whenever something was pronounced horribly. In fact, the whole attitude around the junk base was kind of light … that is until the door was suddenly kicked open, Zim stepping inside and bring a small cloud of dust with him.
"Stop you cow-cackling," grumbled Zim as he drop a whole bunch of scavenged parts near Tak's workspace, nearly dropping a small engine on her head. "I could hear you all the way outside. What could possibly be so funny?"
The good feeling was suddenly gone and Sizz-Lorr was once again reminded that he was programmed as a food drone chasing after a long shot.
"We weren't cackling, Zim," said the cook dryly. "That's more your thing. You're the one with the case of permanent space madness."
At this, Tak did actually cackle, swiping at Zim's legs for nearly crushing her head. The ex-invader backpedaled, immediately insulted, "You dare strike at Zim?!"
"You nearly crushed my head, you buffoon! Watch where you are dropping parts," she hissed, crawling from under the ship.
Zim sneered, looming over her with his height for a moment, "Zim can't believe you have him out scavenging parts like a dirty howl monkey. He should be building death rays and inter-dimensional horrors."
"News to Zim," snapped Tak, waving her hand around the dank base as a reminder. "You barely came here with enough parts to have a fully functioning ship for that matter keep Dib alive. You no longer have the Tallests backing to get whatever supplies you want. Thus, we have to scavenge or steal it. And since scavenging gains less attention then stealing, we are scavenging the parts we need."
Zim sneered at her and Tak's antennae started shaking in rage. Another fight was about to start and Sizz-Lorr was not going to break it up. So, raising his voice, he asked, "Don't we have more important things to worry about … like how Dib is going to sabotage the Tallest? Is there even a real plan to do away with them or are we just sending the smeet in there with a death ray under his robes?"
This stalled the impending fight and Zim just waved it off like this was unimportant, "The Dib is good at winging things. I figured he'd just lock them in a room with a window and let Zim shoot it. Zim has killed Tallests before."
"Yeah, as freak accidents," said Tak, the female's antennae falling, "How did you even get away with the first two anyway? Wasn't there a trail? Why aren't you dead?"
Zim shrugged, stating, "I dunno."
Tak sighed and Sizz-Lorr covered his eyes, the large Irken groaning before adding, "Let's just put that as a secondary plan. Its too risky, especially if the shielding doesn't give. For now, we should focus on sabotage. Preferably something accidental. Tell us Dib, this is also your revenge, how do you want to do away with the Tallest?"
Dib, surprised that all the attention was now on him, blinked. He had said he wanted revenge, and he did, but what exactly did that entail? What was worthy of the anger in his heart and the destruction of his homeworld?
Even as he dwelled on an answer, all he could think of was the saying about revenge and digging two graves. He knew the others were planning for him to survive this … but for some reason, Dib had a feeling that the end of the Tallest would also be the end of him.
XXX
Paw07: Poor Blue. He thinks everyone has turned again him … And I just love Sizz-Lorr. I really do. For some reason, my mind just thought he would be adorable as a bulky tutor. In fact, it probably kind of bothers him that Blue doesn't remember their time together.