Chapter 11: Life Check

Zim's antennae went flat against his head, his zipper-teeth baring themselves to the dusty air. He really should have put on a mask before coming down to this filthy planet. Then again, he had spent stellar-months on planet Dirt ages ago and hadn't even given the grit in the air a second thought.

Huh, he must be getting spoiled as a Tallest.

Grumbling, Zim headed to the makeshift base that he had once lived in. He knew that there should be no one there, barely even ghosts of old memories, but that didn't mean there weren't answers. Tak's original designs for the Blocker had to be there … and whatever backdoor she put into it.

He should have suspected it. Ages ago, the first time Dib started to wake up, that Tak had purposefully put a fault into the device. Probably for her own uses later on. It would have been useful to have a Tallest in her pocket after all.

The traitor.

Even thinking about her filled Zim with rage.

And there was only one thing to be done with traitors as far as he was concerned. He really hoped he found the answers he needed within the dusty base because he didn't enjoy the prospect of digging her up.

Feet now stomping at this point, little puffs of sand following after the tall being, Zim actually slowed and raised his antennae when he noticed two fairly tall figures heading towards him and through the dust storm. They were shorter than him, most beings were, but they were tall enough to be advisors … or something else far more unpleasant.

It seemed the past was making itself painfully known lately.

Pulling the communicator out of his pak, ready to check with his ship to see if any Irken crafts had followed him and if he was about to get nagged by his nannies, Zim stalled. Nothing. He didn't have a connection with his ship right now or any Irken systems. There was just static. Something was blocking his signal. It was a specialty of theirs actually.

"Filthy pig beasts," growled Zim, turning fully to the two approaching figures.

At first, they looked like robed Bloorches, breathing masks included … until you noticed the flare to the coats, their odd-shaped feet, and too many fingers. Humans had picked up on that trick long ago: dressing up like other species to blend in as they infiltrated countless colonies. Zim was not in the mood for their games and immediately released his pak legs, pointing lasers at the two approaching figures.

Both figures immediately slid into defensive positions, blue electronic shields bursting in front of them from their wrists. Stolen tech ingrained in those stupid Membracelets, unsurprisingly. Another specialty of humans: stealing what wasn't theirs and making it their own. It made them rather unpredictable. You never knew what new weapon they had jacked into their systems or bodies.

It was amusing when it accidentally blew up though. Apparently, Sizz-Lorr had won more than one battle that way.

"Well, well, well. Look what we have here … an old classmate of ours," said a light male voice, one hand reaching up and removing his mask, revealing deadlocked red hair and a set of artificial black eyes. "We weren't having a class reunion or something this weekend?"

The other figure removed her mask as well, purple hair cascading to her shoulders as she turned her glare to Zim, her tone bitter, "No. You can't really have a class reunion when your skool is space debris, now can you? Besides, I bet he doesn't even remember our names. Do you Zim?"

Antennae raising in confusion, he asked, "Why would Zim care? You both are just some filthy hoomans. If I weren't in such a hurry, I'd send both of you off to your doom."

"Ah Zim, that's not how you treat old friends," said the redhead, the man taking out a modified gun of some type, a multitude of tech clobbered together making in unrecognizable. By the way the weapon flashed in sync with his eyes, there obviously was an aiming program at work. Zim tightened at that, getting ready to dodge.

The female, in turn, took out a modified whip of some type, cracking in against the ground. Zim twitched but made sure not to look away from the redhead. Human females were generally craftier while the males were hands-on with their violence. It wasn't uncommon for humans to have pairings like this where one was the tactician and the other would make the final blow. Most were mated pairs and very defensive of each other. Zim had read the reports and now it seemed he would get to see a pairing fight first hand.

He wasn't too worried though. He was Zim after all.

"I know the professor wanted to publicly execute you, but one can't pass up an opportunity to kill Tallest Zim," said the female, her eyes sharp. "Since you probably never learned my name, it is Gretchen, and I hope it's your last thought as we crush your pak."

"And how could you forget your old friend," chuckled the redhead as his tone took on an almost jovial tone, the gun making a whining noise as if it was building a charge. "Best friends forever ... Until you decide to rip out my eyes that is. But don't worry, my new ones never miss their target."

Zim's eyes widened in recognition. He had regretted the friendship experiment for years, "Keef-hooman.

"See Gretchen," said Keef with an amused laugh, his tone like that of a madman that was about to snap. "He remembered me … like a true friend."

The woman shrugged, asking in a dry tone, "Does that mean you are going to play with him a bit before killing him?"

"If we have time," said Keef truthfully, the two humans starting to circle Zim like a pair of lions. "I did pack a lunch. So you can snack while I work. One cannot rush art."

"That one cannot," agreed Gretchen before she suddenly threw a collection of throwing knives seemingly out of nowhere, the whine of gunfire filling the air a second later.

...

Far away from Zim and his problems, Blue laid his head back against the wall and stared at the plain metal across the way, worrying about his own issues. His eyes were rapidly blinking but he refused to cry. Yes, cry. Somehow he knew what it was now, this leaking from his eyes … and it was abnormal and wrong.

Irkens don't cry.

Closing his eyes tight, Blue slowly let out a breath, his pak beeping at him again. This charge station wasn't sufficient for his pak's needs so he would be forced to go into rest mode soon. Quite honestly, nothing in this room was sufficient for someone of his height or status. The bed was too short to be laid down on, the ceiling wasn't high enough for him to stand fully upright, there were no amenities, not even a chair, but it had a lamp and a wall-bound desk that he could reach from the thin bed. It was a quiet place where he could gather his thoughts and hide his collectibles.

This tiny room had been his hiding place for … forever. No one ever found him here. Not even Zim. Not too surprising considering it was in the servant drones halls where someone of his status should never even set foot. Honestly, he sometimes wondered why he was driven to this room to begin with. How did he even know it was here?

It was one of the number of things he couldn't remember. Honestly, why had he never noticed that his mind was so fragmented? He knew the answers. Knew his science, history, and combat training … but who taught him? A pak only came with so much information for a new-life smeet. And now that he dwelt on it … it was as if something had been blocking those kinds of thoughts.

Blue sighed and buried his head in his hands, refusing to look at his thumbless limbs.

Here he thought he was showing his height, his superiority, and reminding everyone on the bridge that he was a Tallest. He had just as much authority as Zim and wasn't just there to keep his co-Tallest from blowing everyone up. He wasn't the soft Tallest or the younger Tallest. He had cut off his thumbs to show he could lead without them.

And didn't that blow of spectacularly. Advisor Dimm threw his show of power right back in his face before Blue even got to enjoy the feeling of leading the bridge. Then, to make matters worse, he muttered, "I'm not crazy," like a complete defective.

Blue felt a clicking sound rise in this throat like the keening young Irkens do. He refused to make that distressed noise. He is not some adolescent smeet … at least he doesn't think he is. Now that he thought about it, he honestly wasn't sure how old he was. He is an adult though. He was an advisor and a ship pilot before that. He was sure he had been in a multitude of space battles. Right? He couldn't be an adolescent while doing all of that and while being this tall. It just … nothing was making any sense.

Maybe the Control Brains were right to call him back. It was best to get rid of him before his defective-self corrupted the masses.

Sighing, feeling like Irken trash, Blue decided he would just go into rest mode now so he could forget everything for a while. It also would be a form of petty revenge on his advisors, especially if he overslept. There were so many rooms on the Massive it would take days to search every room. He hoped their worry drove them nearly insane. Here they were given one job, watch your defective leader, and they couldn't even do that.

Frowning at the thought of being a defective leader, Blue was about to turn off the lone light source in the room and go into rest mode when there was a sudden, "Bang, bang, bang!"

He nearly jumped out of the Irken issued top and pants he still had on, the rest of his battle armor and robes kicked childishly under the cot. Someone had just knocked on the room's door. No one ever knocked. This room was down soon random barely lit hall next to a storeroom of spare kitchen mixers and other such machinery. No one came down here. Honestly, it was odd that there was a small collection of rooms down here at all. Blue had even made sure that the small collection of rooms were unoccupied when he chose the spot as his sanctuary.

Why was anyone even down here?

"Please open up," came a muffled female Irken voice. "This is a life check."

"Life check?" mouthed Blue to himself before his antennae rose. Ah yes, before he was chased off the bridge one of his commands was for a wellness check to be performed everywhere in the ship. That way the dead could be found right away and the injured collected for the medical drones.

"I'm opening up," said the voice, a code suddenly being imputed in the door to make it open. Blue immediately slammed a foot against the handle, keeping it from sliding open as he choked, "Alive and uninjured. You can leave now."

There was silence on the other side of the door as if the checker was thinking before her voice stated, "You still have to open the door."

The Tallest raised one antenna at this in confusion, "Why? Don't you have like another ten thousand rooms to check? I'm fine. Leave me be."

The female voice on the other side seemed to speak with another checker before the male voice got irritated and interrupted, "We still have to make sure you are not human."

That voice … was familiar.

Oh, no.

Raising his voice, praying he was wrong, Blue hissed, "Do I sound like I have a human lisp? Now leave me be."

There was a moment of silence on the other side before the male voice sighed, his tone tired yet stern, "My Tallest, I know it's you in there. Taller Irken paks have higher power requirements … and a little sleep recharger for the servant class isn't going to hack it."

Catching on to how he had been found out, Blue glared at the little recharge station his pak was plugged into. It made sense that all those stations sent reports to the healing drones, but he still felt betrayed. This was supposed to be his safe place.

"My feet hurt and patience is thin, my Tallest. This is the thirtieth room I've checked for struggling paks. Luckily, most of the injured headed to the healing rooms, but not everyone. And I don't even want to know how you found this place … it is beneath you," grumbled Lepo, the Head Healer already done with everyone.

Blue's lip twitched, his foot still firmly on the door.

There was a moment of silence before Lepo growled, "If you don't open the door, My Tallest, I will have my assistant cut it down."

"What?!" came a surprised feminine squeak, the assistant obviously more than happy to leave her Tallest alone.

Rolling his eyes, knowing Lepo would do it, he released his foot from the door just enough that it slid open a few centimeters. It was just enough for the medic to put a clawed hand in and peek in, but not enough for the medic to get it. The medic pressed against the door once, growled something crude, and then hissed, "Remove your foot from the door controls, My Tallest. We both have our orders."

"I believe you can watch me just fine from that crack in the door," said Blue bitterly, noting Lepo's wince.

An awkward silence followed before Blue added in a hurt tone he couldn't hide, "You knew, didn't you? All of you knew Dimm was calling the Control Brains to usurp me and all of you let him."

The Head Healer sighed, "My Tallest, please. Don't be irrational. It's not like -"

Blue didn't let him finish, his tone biting, "Do all of you really think I'm so dysfunctional? Defective? That you would steal my power at such a time? Have all of you just been waiting for Zim to disappear so he couldn't stop it? Or was it because I didn't see the Ark coming and failed the Massive and her crew? Have I really failed you all so badly as a leader?"

Blue's voice was almost a whisper by the end, his betrayal almost palatable.

Lepo wasn't good with any emotions that didn't fall into irritation or the fury department. Most Irkens weren't unless they were in the service industry or the smeeteries. Irkens were a race with a thirst for battle and snacks. They weren't really good with feelings. Blue had been an interesting exception. He was driven like any soldier, but oddly sympathetic and kind to his people. At first, it was uncanny but quickly grew on the staff who had unknowing been hungry for such attention from a Tallest. Lepo included.

It … hurt … him to see his favorite Tallest like this.

Yes, favorite and that was also counting all the dead ones he had served.

"Oh my Tallest," came a soft reply, Lepo trying to find out how to deal with the Tallest's emotional turmoil without sedating him. "Of course you would think that way … And you wonder why everyone treats you like a smeet. You are so young-minded and emotional."

Blue's hurt expression turned into anger and he was about to slam the door shut when Lepo quickly continued, "But no one meant to harm you emotionally, my Tallest! Please know that."

Blue stalled and Lepo swallowed, tugging at an unused part of himself as he confessed, "You are just too valuable. The advisors are glad for a ruler that is so defensive of his people. You care more about your followers than snacks and I can't think of one Tallest I have served that has been like that. That is why Advisor Dimm probably did what he did. He wanted to protect you, My Tallest. Your pak can't charge right and you are having memory issues, yes? You cannot go onto the battlefield like that."

The taller Irken wouldn't meet the healer's gaze.

"Irk has the best care for pak damage," continued the healer, Lepo's next words surprisingly soft and full of something that Blue couldn't place, "You are special, my Tallest. Your safety is paramount to us."

A moment of silence passed, Lepo wondering if his emotional support training was too rusty to be convincing, but slowly Blue sighed and released his foot from the door, allowing the two medics in. The young Tallest looked defeated and tired, but his tone was dead serious, "You will never tell anyone where this room is. That includes the advisors and Tallest Zim. This is my space."

Nodding his head, his relief showing in his antennae, the medic almost tripped inside, his female assistant looking like she might pass out just from being in Blue's presence.

"Readjust the setting on that wall unit first, Kot. If this is his Tallest private space it should be set for his energy needs," said the Head Healer, the healer checking Blue's hands first. He tisked at the knife wound before taking out a small reader. "Just scanning you, My Tallest. It has been a while since you snacked. I know how you forget to snack when stressed or distracted."

Blue almost regretted letting them in, the female was already pulling the wall mount apart to make medic approved changes, while Lepo hovered over him. He had forgotten to snack once, okay maybe twice, for about 24 stellar hours and had a slight fainting spell. He sometimes forgot how much sugar his body needed to keep running. It was like he wasn't used to needing such high-calorie intake. Though Zim, the medics, and the constantly underfoot food drones didn't let him easily forget it.

It was almost as bad as the mouth guard incidents.

"It hasn't been a whole day yet," groused Blue, the two looking at him as if he had just banished both of them. "I know my limits."

Lepo's antennae rose up high and twitched, the medic struggling to not have a meltdown. His reply came out slow as if he was struggling not to shout, "My Tallest … most Irkens of your height have a snack every two to three steller hours. Not to mention you have recently been in battle and your pak is struggling for energy. I don't even know if we should allow you to walk to your own room without snacking first."

Blue's fingers twitched, his tone frosty, "And why would I go back to my quarters? I am not going to have Dimm lord over me."

The medic sighed, obviously struggling for patience, "My Tallest, your advisors will literally have every able-bodied Irken looking for you in a steller hour's time if you are not found. They will find this place and then it will no longer be a private place. It will likely even be ripped open so that you can never collect yourself here again."

"Plus," added the medic carefully, "Dimm might report it as disobedience of a Control Brains decree."

Blue groaned and covered his eyes with his free hand. He took in a few deep breathes before grousing, "Fine. There are some snacks under the cot I think. We'll also go back within the steller hour, but I am going so deep into sleep mode that I am basically dead."

The two healers twitched as if they had just been electrocuted.

"Please don't even joke about that, My Tallest," said the female assistant as she popped the control panel shut. Then, as if realizing she had just spoken to her tallest, Kot squeaked in horror and quickly added, "I will find those snacks."

Her short form then shimmied under the cot as if to hide instead of finding her Tallest some snacks. The two other Irkens even watched her. One amused and the other just confused. A few seconds passed before a squeal of horror filled the room, the female crawling out while fighting what could only be described as a head-crab-thing.

Everyone in the room screamed and flailed about before Kot finally pried it off her head and threw it in a small cupboard, locking it in as it banged against the metal door. For a moment, they all shared terrified looks. Well, the two medics did, Dib just looked bashful.

"What was that thing?!" squeaked the small female, a bag of chips hugged to her body.

Blue laughed nervously, the thing slowly getting tired of beating on the cupboard door and going still, "Oh, it's just a specimen … I thought it was dead. Sometimes weird things end up in here. I just like collecting oddities sometimes."

The two medics shared a look as if promising to send a hazmat team into the cluttered room to clean it the second their Tallest was asleep. Then, before he could catch onto their mutual thoughts, Kot cleared her throat and choked, "I'm sorry, my Tallest. All I found was this old bag of puffy orange crisps. I'm sure they are stale by now."

"Oh, that's how I like them actually. The stale puffy ones taste the best," said Blue, snatching the bag from her as if he had just realized that he was indeed hungry.

The medics once again shared a horrified glance. The advisors sheltering behavior of Tallest Blue was starting to make more and more sense. He literally was oblivious about trying to get himself killed, like a smeet that barely had any of his downloads.

"That bag was probably older than me," said Lepo mournfully, wondering if food poisoning was in his future.

Blue, already halfway finished with his bag, almost laughed at Lepo's use of sarcasm but stalled. Literally, minutes ago, he had been questioning just how old he was himself.

Antennae falling back, the question was on his lips before he could take another bite, "You have access to all of my medical records, right Lepo?

Lepo, wrapping Blue's hand even though it wouldn't take long to heal, nodded, "Of course, My Tallest. I have access to both yours and Tallest Zim's files. It's part of my responsibility as Head Medic of the Massive to make sure your health is sustained."

Humming, Blue tried to ask nonchalantly, "And you know how old I am off the top of your head, right?"

The medic huffed like it was a joke, "Of course my Tallest. It was a wonder you were even allowed to be an Advisor when you had barely finished your training and … pilot requirements."

Lepo's antennae fell down against his hard, a realization hitting him hard.

"Wait, my Tallest," said Lepo carefully, "Do ... Do you not know how old you are?"

Not knowing what to say, Blue just frowned deeply, his chips forgotten.

Concern growing, part of him wondering how long that Blocker had been in there, the medic whispered, "My Tallest, is it merely the date that escapes you, or do you not recall anything at all?"

Blue's lip twitched like he was struggling with what to say.

Lepo felt like he was drowning, his words struggling not to become hysterical, "How … much do you remember? Do you remember the smeeteries? The training academy? Your pilot training?"

Blue was suddenly to his feet, obviously uncomfortable with this conversation, "I grow tired Lepo. I will be heading back to my quarters now where I plan on resting. If you are going to badger me the whole time there, then stay behind."

The Tallest was then sweeping out of the room, partially dressed, his battle armor abandoned. It was almost unheard of for a Tallest to be seen without his robes on, but Lepo hadn't been planning on putting the armor on anyway. He wanted to keep as much strain off the pak as possible.

"My Tallest, wait!" the medic cried, his mind now panicked. Just how damaged was Tallest Blue's pak? If he was too damaged, would they have to do a full pak replacement? Those were dangerous. And, more concerningly, what if there was a reason for the Blocker? What would the Control Brains do then?

…

Zim stumbled about, his pak legs helping keep him up straight while his leg's struggled to stand up straight. One of his eyes was even squeezed shut and swollen, blood dripping down the side of his head. He was slightly charred looking, probably from the smoking pits all around him, and his usually pristine robes were ruffled and ruined from a fight.

He wiped his bloodied lip, something exploding behind him almost theatrically.

"Ugh, stupid hoomans. Where did they even get a ham beast? I thought I destroyed all those pork monsters when Urth was swept," grumbled Zim, the ex-invader looking around before he shouted, "You better run you hoomans! I defeated your ham beast and I will finish mauling you if you come back for Zim! Zim does not fear you!"

The only sound was something else exploding in the background.

Grunting in satisfaction, Zim grumbled, "That's what I thought … Now, what was Zim doing? Ah yes, Tak's base. Her plans are done with and I will put an end to them all now. I promise."

And with that, he entered that old hidden base, his footsteps echoing as if he was entering a tomb. He was done with Tak's ploys.

Ploys

Ploys

Ploys.

"Ploy? This isn't some kind of vampire ploy," growled Tak as she looked up at Dib hanging in the rafters of the base by his pak legs. She wouldn't admit it out loud, but he was getting quite good with them. He now used them all the time just like a smeet that finally had his or her pak unlocked for full access.

Every smeet remembered those days. Not one smeets feet touched the ground for probably a good stellar week after getting access to their pak legs. There was just something freeing about them.

"Get down here or you shall know suffering," said Tak finally, pointing to the ground like she was speaking to a smeet. "It's only a little blood."

"A little? A little. Look at the size of that medical gun, Tak. It's almost the size of your head," said Dib, his paranoia showing. "The only reason you would need that much blood is if vampires or chupacabra are involved."

"At least it's not the size of your head," she muttered.

"What?!" cried Dib, dropping to the floor almost clumsily. "My head is not big! It's completely normal now."

Tak wanted to question the now part but instead added, "I said there is no such thing as hooman vampires and space vampires are harmless. They rarely bite without asking first."

Dib nearly tripped over his own pak legs, "What? There are space vampires?!"

Smiling wickedly, the shorter Irken patted the examination table, the one where Dib had had his pak implanted. He hated that table and wouldn't even stand next to it if it could be helped, but curiosity had always been his greatest weakness. So, when Tak added, "Sit on the table, allow me to do my tests, and only then I'll tell you," Dib really didn't have much of a choice.

So, it was with a bitter frown, Dib watched her steal his blood, "Why do you even need that much blood anyway? You could paint a Voot with that much."

"I'm just checking some things," she said calmly, the medical gun being pulled away as it sloshed slightly, the female adding, "Zim admitted yesterday that you actually grew about four inches with your changes. He used to be taller than you."

Dib frowned but slowly nodded. He really hadn't noticed at first until he stood next to Zim, his balance already ruined with his new body, but he had noticed it when sewing his robes.

"Yeah, he used to lord it over me on Earth like it was a big thing that he was a few inches taller than me. Personally, it made him easier to trip," said Dib with a dry chuckle. "I know that height is supposed to be important to you guys, but I don't get it. How can height make you more important? On Earth, it just makes you stick out more and spend more on shoes."

Tak gave him a look like it was the dumbest question in the universe before simply adding, "It is just the way of our people, Dib. You followed your monarchies through starvation and ruin, and we followed our Tallest. In a way, only the most skilled survive long enough to become that tall."

Dib's antennae fell back, "So, anyone can become tall?"

She snorted, "Not like Zim. I don't know how he did it. It's unnatural for someone that short to get so tall so quickly. Usually, you know if you are going to be a taller or not when you are still at the academy and still young … not during banishment on some random planet."

Snorting, Dib scratched his chin, "Tell me about it. I thought it was odd as well when he started getting taller. At first, I thought it was because I forced him to eat a few cafeteria lunches to see what was poison to him. I mean, the growth hormones we put in our meats were ridiculous."

Even Tak looked uncomfortable at this thought. School lunches were notoriously deadly apparently, even across races.

"But if you ask me, I still think its because he kept stealing my blood," grumbled Dib. "He just … kept stealing it like every two to three months after I'd have a growth spurt of some kind. If he hadn't tripped on the lamppost one night, I would have always thought vampire bees were stealing it or something. Zim never admitted to it, not even the night he was stealing it, but to this day I swear him taking my blood and his weird growth spurt went hand in hand. It was like … he was trying to keep up with me."

Tak had stalled at this, his eyes gaining a hard glint as if she was thinking of something. Then, as if brushing off the thought, the female pulled out a blocky black box, her hand waving as she said, "That seems stupid. Now, turn around. I need to hook this Blocker into your pak."

Staring at the blocky thing, Dib slowly turned around, "What's it for? Blocker sounds illegal."

"It is," said Tak as she hopped up onto the table with him, his pak lighting up her face as she started rooting around in it, "But advisors interact with the Control Brains from time to time and if they access your memories … they will find an extreme lack of them. Obviously, we can't have that. So, I made some vague dates and memories of your training and so forth. I've added the details to your digipad. Study them because you will have to brag about how you were a pilot and some other such drivel while on the Massive."

"Pilot?" said Dib, turning his head slightly. "Why a pilot?"

"Because, as much as it pains me to admit it, you are good at it. Also, it's not to flashy like say, an invader. No one will think much of it," she said simply, Dib wincing as things were tugged out of his pak or shifted to the side. "Now, this may sting a bit and if you pass out, that's completely normal."

"What do you mean pass out?" dib said worriedly about to stop this, but he could already hear a click and the deed was done.

XXX

Paw07: I feel like all the humans in this fic are all a little unhinged ... not that I blame any of them. They were all weird already on Earth. Being forced into space probably didn't help. XD