Being Tall Isn't Everything

by P.A.W.07

Zim was about to destroy the world, his dying adversary at his feet … yet he doesn't kill Dib. He wants to use that cunningly huge head of his, especially now that they are both so tall. Now, years later, the newest Tallest finds himself in a web of secrets, the past and the future seemingly tearing him apart. As usual ... this is all Zim's fault.

14. Red and Purple

Chapter 14: Red and Purple

"Wish … me … luck."

Those words echoed over the suite causing all the advisors in the room to stall, antennae raised high. It had been that way for the last two days, advisors frittering in and out of Tallest Blue's suite to see if he had come out of sleep mode yet. He had not and Medical Officer Lepo refused to force his Tallest out of the mode, even if it was set to something ridiculous. It could be for the whole trip back to Planet Irk and the medic still refused to force the matter.

The whole debacle did bring a long-term debate to an end though … for it seemed that Tallest Blue did indeed dream.

Lepo had been slightly concerned at first as he watched Tallest Blue toss and turn, whispering things to himself as his eyes flickered under his eyelids. But, after checking his vitals, the medic had merely stated it likely had to do with the Blocker. The Blocker probably cooled and went offline when Blue was in sleep mode. So, the mind, trying to force memories to the surface, had created this aftereffect.

Watching Blue roll over and whisper something about a SIR unit, Advisor Ta-Boo turned to the other advisors in the room and asked almost meekly, "SIR Unit? Aren't those only assigned to Invaders? Wasn't Tallest Blue a pilot? Unless he's talking about Zim's unit?"

Advisor Kopp-Ree, an ex-enforcer that usually dwelled around the training arenas in the Massive, rubbed a hand down his face seemingly uncaring of the scars there. Advisor Dimm had messaged all the advisors aboard the Massive and the surrounding accompaniment of ships that they had additional tasks added to their management: Tallests' tasks.

There had been panic initially, all the advisors rushing to the bridge thinking their Tallest had died in the Ark's attack and a Measuring was about to take place. They, of course, were all informed of the Control Brains proclamation, Blue's condition, and Zim's unknown status. It also served as an opportunity for Advisor Dimm to chide the other Advisors for not checking in with the Advisor's Ranks more often.

"Yes, he was a pilot before, and from what I've heard he always refers to Zim's unit as Gir. And these are supposed to be old memories, right? He shouldn't have had a SIR unit to interact with since he mostly dealt with deep-space routes. At least that's what I think his file says," said Kopp-Ree as he ran his claws over the scars on his chin in thought. Ta-Boo and Pixen both tried not to stare too much as his scarring as he did so. The left side of Kopp-Ree's face was terribly maimed, which was probably why he spent so much time overlooking the troops on the ship instead of the bridge. No one doubted it was because Tallest Red and Tallest Purple had mocked his looks relentlessly.

"In fact, I've always found it odd that no one really heard of Tallest Blue before he claimed his advisor title," continued Kopp-ree as he went to a nearby console, clicking away. Of course, this gained the curiosity of all the advisors in the room, all of them pulling out digi-pads or peering at the orange-eyed advisor's console.

"It's not much of a file, is it?" asked Advisor Took as he clicked at his device, the light reflecting off the visor band he kept over his red eyes. Not surprising given Took generally overlooked the technician's departments and flying sparks were always an eye hindrance.

"It is painfully generic," commented Kopp-Ree as he browsed into earlier files, the screen reflecting in his eyes. "There's nothing that makes him stand out. He had decent marks in basic combat and technician courses. His flight training was fair but unremarkable. The odd thing though is that there are no notations about accidents or injuries. Not even for basic combat or flight training. The only notable thing about his time as a pilot is that the ship he was serving on last, The Nemesis, apparently crashed shortly before he became an Almighty Tallest."

"His marks cannot be false," said Advisor Took as he started pulling up exams. "Tallest Blue has shown admirable work as a technician. Just look at the blueprints on his walls. Most of them are ship designs as well so I doubt he's faked his piloting career."

Pixen, who had stepped away from Kopp-Ree's console, pulled out his own digi-pad from his pak, looking over the files personally. His antennae twitched in confusion as he reviewed the exam scores, "These are real. You can tell he was still young with the spelling errors littered about. He must have been very young to misspell something as basic as a time unit. He also does an odd jump from old Irklesh to modern Irklesh from one course to the next. He should have learned modern Irklesh in the smeetery and then picked up old Irklesh for Advisor Training and Traditional Customs."

"What smeetery was he hatched in? Maybe he was transferred to a different raisery too soon if he was showing signs of tallness. It wouldn't be surprising if they messed up with his educational lexicons," said Took as he switched files, pacing across the room as the files loaded. His frown said what they were all thinking as they downloaded the same documents as well.

"Raised off-world on a colony," replied Kopp-Ree as he folded his arms over his chest, clearly irritated as he leaned back in his cucumber-like chair. "And on Lithone no less. How wonderfully convenient."

"Lithone? Wasn't that the colony that was eaten by another planet?" asked Ta-Boo, trying to keep the squeak out of his voice as he thought of the monstrosity behind the destruction of the planet.

"That's a legend," was the first thing out of Took's mouth before he weakly added, "That no one has ever been able to disprove. All they have are a few panicked transmissions before everything went quiet."

An awkward silence hung over the room before Pixen asked, "Soooo, we don't have his full smeet file then? How do we know he got all his proper injections or pak updates?"

"I doubt he got all of them. I remember his first year as Tallest. Tallest Blue was constantly ill. It was part of the reason Chief Medical Officer was placed on board," said Took as he took off his visor and pinched the bridge between his eyes. What a fine mess they had found themselves in.

"I'm not telling Lepo," said Kopp-Ree dryly as he turned around in his chair. "He's a mean little medic and I don't need more scars."

"It isn't going to be me either," said Took as he waved a clawed hand dismissively.

"Nor I," quickly added Pixen before they all turned to look at the much shorter Ta-Boo, the newest and shortest Advisor. "Sorry, you are the newest advisor."

Ta-Boo wilted as if he had just been denied nachos for a month, "But … Chief Medical Officer Lepo is terrifying."

"And yet he's so short," said Kopp-Ree with a wave of his hand before turning back to the console. "Now, since these are obviously edited if not outright fraudulent, we need an investigation started on the files. Until then, we should note what we do know about his Tallest. Things he's mentioned about his past. References to places he's been. His favorite snack planet. Anything is better than what we have right now."

And so, the discussion went back and forth, memories and pak recalls piling up like collecting silt. Lepo even had time to come in and check on his Tallest … only for a full-on fit to occur. Ta-Boo had fled the room dodging anything that was being thrown at him. Lepo did not like bad news and seemed just fine with blaming the messenger.

The medic then dwelt around his Tallest like an angry cluck-drigg during nesting season, taking blood samples and pak readings before he stomped out of the room leaving promises of coming back later. The medic's angry muttering still echoed down the halls even as Advisor Rigg finally came back to the room.

The green-eyed advisor seemed haggard and rumpled like he had been bossed around all day. He even glared at the rest of the Tallers in the room: Kopp-Ree and Took specifically. His words were bitter as he collapsed into a seat, stealing a drink from the desk next to him, "Why were none of you on the Bridge? Dimm kept me trapped up there all day, calming down invaders, ship captains, and enforcers. The donut guy even started crying when he hailed in and noticed both of the Tallests' seats were empty."

"You mean Bib?" asked Pixen, glaring at his stolen drink.

"No, Jim," said Rigg as he took a sip, wincing as he groused, "Eww, who drinks ork-berry around here?"

"Advisors with taste," grumbled Pixen as he snatched it back, holding the drink protectively as his cheeks puffed up in insult.

"Enough squabbling. We haven't time for it," said Kopp-Ree, the advisor picking through memory files. "Rigg, it has come to our attention that some of Tallest Blue's personnel files have either been edited or falsified. We are trying to build a timeline or history from what we have observed or overheard. Do you have any recollections that might be helpful?"

Rigg felt like he had just been punched in the gut, the irken sitting up straight, "Wait? Are you saying he's a fake? That he isn't our Tallest?"

Pixen threw his now empty cup at the other advisor, his tone biting, "Of course, he's our Almighty Tallest. He's irken, taller than the rest of us, and has held up to his vows. There is no questioning that. What is in question, is who he was before becoming our Tallest. It's obvious that someone has edited records to hide it, and it's likely why the Blocker was placed there to begin with."

There was a moment of silence, Rigg sitting there with a worried look on his face. What reason could there be to change that information? Unless his Tallest was defective.

Pushing away that thought, even though he knew every advisor on the ship was thinking the same thing, he replied, "Well, Tallest Blue has obviously been to Urth. He knew of the fauna there: the bear and bunny specifically. And on the bridge, he seemed knowledgeable about hooman's diets. He must have been to Urth before pre-invasion."

"I doubt it," said Kopp-Ree as he tapped a claw on his chair's armrest. "No sane Irken would set foot there given it was chosen personally for Zim's banishment. Why would have Tallest Blue been there?"

At this moment, the defective little SIR unit finally showed up, falling off the berth where he had apparently been hiding under the sheets with Tallest Blue. Advisor Dimm had been looking for the little thing all day, muttering something about memory files. No one knew where the mech had gotten to. Gir generally wasn't hard to find with his constant squealing, but it seemed he was able to stay quiet enough to get around Dimm, get a freezy from the kitchens, and sneak into Tallest Blue's quarters without anyone noticing.

That had to be a security issue.

"Because we founds Mary there! Just like tacos," said the little mech before he started sucking on his freezy straw almost violently. Immediately, whatever curiosity he had gained was replaced with disgust from everyone in the room until he finally popped his mouth free, giggling, "You all look like pigs! Give me a cupcake!"

The little mech then started rolling around the floor, crying something about cupcakes until Advisor Kopp-Ree caught on. Dimm never did anything without a reason and that included getting his hands on the little defective unit. Just because Tallest Zim wasn't here to question didn't mean his SIR didn't have some answers.

Quickly grabbing a bag of snacks from his console, the orange-eyed irken shook it, gaining the defective SIR's attention. "Little SIR, look at the snacks. You can have the snacks if you answer my questions. Do you want the snacks?"

The other advisors looked at him like he was crazy for wanting the dysfunctional mech's attention. More than one of them had gone to medical with a damaged antenna because of the little monster. And yet the orange-eyed irken continued to shake the bag, gaining the robot's attention.

Believing he had the mech's attention and that it was unlikely to last long, Kopp-Ree spoke, "Now Gir, when you say Mary, do you actually mean Tallest Blue?"

Gir merely smiled at the group, goo dripping from his mouth. It was the closest they were probably going to get to a yes.

"Ok," said the advisor, jiggling the bag so that he could keep the little SIR's attention, "What do you mean by Tallest Blue was on Urth. Whatever for?"

The SIR sat there for a moment as if confused before he jumped to his feet and stated excitedly, "That because Mary was on Urths the wholes time! He won the race and was there firsts! Then Master rescued him so they could be best friends in space forever! I worry about that boy."

Then, before anyone could properly digest what that meant, the little mech was screaming, running across the room, and stealing his bag of chips. He was quickly out of the suite before anyone even think to catch him.

"Well, that was confusing and strangely informative. So Blue was on Urth at one point?" said Took as he started searching for Urth's file, reluctantly adding. "And who's going after that thing? It's not going to be me. I like my antennae."

"I think we're spelling Urth wrong. I'm not getting any files on it," said Pixen, apparently having the same train of thought as Took.

Kopp-Ree, clicking away at his console, grunted in agreement, "Yes, I'm not getting anything, but if Blue was on Urth he'd have to have a flight record or something on it. It at least gives us a timeline of sorts. Blue had to have been on Urth the same time as Zim if anything the SIR said is accurate."

"… You don't think Urth was the desert planet Blue had been crashed on, do you? Urth probably felt like a barren wasteland if any of Zim's reminiscing is true," added Rigg, frowning as he recalled Tallest Blue's tale. Apparently, being trapped on a desert planet was the only reason no one had known him before he presented himself to be an advisor.

"I can't blame him if he didn't want to admit it. Zim had been in banishment at the time," added Took, still looking for the Urth file, wondering why it wasn't turning up in conquered planets. "Though it was Blue that requested a measuring for Zim, wasn't it, after Tallest Red and Blue died?"

The silence that followed was deafening.

"I mean, it had always been a little obvious they had previously known each other, but you are right. No one really knew of Zim's increased height while he was in banishment. The current Tallest wouldn't allow a measuring," said Kopp-Ree carefully, recalling his surprise solar cycles past when he had been on the bridge and Zim had called, tall enough to be an advisor. He had glanced at Dimm in question back then, wondering why Zim hadn't been called back for a measuring, but the taller irken had shaken his head, sending a simple ping that stated: the Tallest will not allow it.

And given Zim's destructive tendencies, none of the advisors had pressed the matter … until Blue that is.

"Finally, I found it," said Took, interrupting Kopp-Ree's spiraling thoughts. "It's spelled E-A-R-T-H. No wonder no one could find it. They might as well have called in Planet Dirt."

And yet, as quickly as he started typing, he stalled, his antenna twitching. He slowly blinked as if confused before he carefully tilted his digi-pad in everyone else's direction. "It's basically blank."

There, on the screen, was a file labeled as Earth. It was barren except for one fuzzy picture and a brief note that it had been a blue planet as well as the origin of chocolate and pastries. Nothing else. Zim had been there for stellar-cycles. It should have had hundreds of files packed with data.

Obviously, someone had messed with the file, and it was of little surprise who. For, there, on the bottom of the file, was a stamp of approval from Zim himself. He had approved all edits.

Apparently, Tallest Zim wanted no one to remember this planet, but the real question was why?

…

"I will kill you next time I see you, Keef-hooman," groused Zim as he fought with the outdated controls of his scavenged ship. The thing was barely holding together, but it wasn't like he had much of a choice. Upon returning to his ship on Planet Dirt, Zim had been reminded of an irritating habit of humans: they were sore losers. If they couldn't trade at a space dock, they'd blow the whole thing up. If no one would serve them at a snack shack, they'd blow it up. And since Zim had won the battle … they had blown his ship up.

So, being on a time limit, he took what he could get and scavenged an old ship from Tak's abandoned base. He just really hoped that Sizz-Lorr hadn't needed to contact him since his communicator had been on his previous vessel. True, he could probably rig something together, but he didn't have time to spare nor the parts to check on Sizz-Lorr.

Slamming his fist on the glitching console as the thing threatened to offline again, Zim growled, "Next time, I'm stealing my replacement spaceship."

Spaceship

Spaceship

Spaceship

Spaceship was not quite the right word for the Massive. It was more like fucking planet with guns, and even if this was the telling moment if his fake documentation was going to work or not, Dib couldn't help but gape at the gargantuan ship before him, small vessels following after it like a comet tail.

"It's massive," was all Dib could say as his face titled closer to the viewing window, threatening to squish against it.

MiMi gave him a look.

"Oh, come on," said Dib as he sat back down in his seat. "Is it my fault it's aptly named?"

MiMi, apparently mute except for little comm pings she'd send, gave him another look.

"You're definitely Tak's creation, aren't you," added Dib dryly before nearly jumping out of his seat when he got a hail.

"Identify yourself irken vessel: Shuvver L5-48527," said the hail, a small irken with a high collar popping onto the screen.

"Oh, ah, yes. Just a moment. I have my request right here," floundered Dib for a few seconds, gaining a glare for the comms irken before MiMi merely learned froward and hit a few buttons.

"Alright, please hold while I verify your request," said the comms irken as he eyeballed Dib oddly, the screen turning into the grinning irken symbol a second later.

Dib gave a nervous glance at MiMi as if asking if this was normal and she merely gave him a look that … meant absolutely nothing to him. Great, now he had no idea if this was normal or if he should be priming the engines. Either way, that last glance from the comms irken unsettled him.

In fact, he was so disturbed that he nearly jumped right out of his seat when the horrible hold music ended, two irkens now on the screen. There was the original comms irken and another one with pale pink eyes. The new irken had a stripe on his collar which showed he was a superior.

The superior had a digi-pad in hand, likely looking at Dib's documents closely. Too closely for Dib's liking, especially since his frown was evident even with his collar hiding his mouth. Then, just when Dib felt like the suspense had built to the breaking point, those pale pink eyes glanced up, eyeing Dib critically before he asked, "Is this height accurate or are you just exaggerating because height exaggeration is frowned upon on the Massive and will get the bottom of your feet shaved off."

Antennas folding back onto his head at the odd punishment, Dib answered, "Uh, no. I don't think so. They did measure me twice."

"Odd," said the irken, gaze unyielding before he typed something in quick succession on his digi-pad. "I'm sure I'd be aware of someone of your height ages ago, especially for the advisor ranks."

Swallowing, telling himself not to lick his teeth or start jabbering insistently, Dib used the background Tak had developed for him, "I was stranded on a deserted planet for a few stellar-cycles. You know how it is, it's hard to find a communicator in a barren wasteland."

Those pink eyes bore into him for a moment more as if they were unconvinced, but maybe he just didn't understand sarcasm. Zim had been on Earth for years and still barely got it. Nonetheless, there was some more typing on the digi-pad before landing was granted, his ship beeping as it was told where to go.

"Land in forward bay, A-14. Its where all the Tallers park their ships," said the pink-eyed irken before the communication ended.

Dib sagged into his seat, hand over his chest. He was sure if he still had a heart, it would develop an arrhythmia by the end of this. Invading Zim's base was one thing, but this was a whole new level. He had to pretend he belong for weeks if not months on end without any major flukes.

And yet, even knowing this, the ex-human still steered the ship forward, docking it where he was told to. He might be green now and technically an irken, but he was still Dib on the inside … and Dib never turned down a challenge.

…

Parking the ship inside the bay, trying to ignore the way his clawed hands were shaking, Dib turned to MiMi. Her large orbs gave nothing away, but at the same time, her silent presence was better than nothing.

"Ok, I have to head to the Advisors Chambers to announce myself first and then … everything else. Yep, super easy. I'm sure nothing will go catastrophically wrong like it usually does. Nope," he said with a nervous nearly half-hysterical laugh, his brain trying to compartmentalize everything as his pak gave a loud hum, seemingly sensing Dib's stress. "Alright, I think I have everything I need in my pak's subspace. Only thing left … is what I'm supposed to do with you. I don't think I'm supposed to have a SIR unit as a mere pilot, right?"

MiMi merely blinked up at him before she clicked the button to open the viewport and main exit. She was out of the ship and gone like a slinking shadow before Dib could even question it. Apparently, that was her answer to his question. Thankfully, she at least left her comm number in case he needed her.

"Could have at least said goodbye or something," he muttered to himself bitterly before he hopped outside of the ship himself. Said jump ended with him tripping around two very surprised shorter irkens. Obviously, they had come to his ship to make sure it was secured and authorized but had yet to announce themselves. One looked like a marshaller since he had goggles on and the other appeared to be an enforcer given the battle-rod he was carrying.

For a moment the three of them just stared at each other in surprise before the enforcer elbowed his shorter partner, causing the marshaller to choke out, "Pak identification please."

A ping then sounded in Dib's pak and he immediately responded with his pak identification. This was a lesser test to see if the team's identification stood up to scrutiny. Luckily, the little irken nodded a second later, clicking away at his digi-pad before stating, "Your identification checks out. Your ship will be stored in Bay A-4. Here's your parking number. Don't lose it or you may never find your ship again."

Dib was then handed a piece of paper with his parking number as if it was a human parking garage. He awkwardly took it from the little irken that was holding it up as high as he could. "Uh … Thanks. I'll just be going now."

Even as he turned to leave, he did not miss how one irken murmured to the other, "He's so tall. Why have I never seen him around before?"

In fact, that sentiment seemed to follow the ex-human the whole way to the Advisors Chambers. Everyone was staring at him, and he honestly didn't blame them. He basically lorded over everyone with his height. He hadn't really noticed it much since he had been in Sizz-Lorr's and Zim's company, but he was freakishly tall compared to everyone around him. It was high-skool all over again when he had spurted above his peers like a weed.

Not that he was surprised, he was his father's son after all. His father's freakishly tall son.

Morbidly, Dib wondered if his dad had acknowledged that Dib had been right about aliens before he was destroyed like everyone else on the planet. All his science … for nothing.

Dib swallowed harshly and pushed that thought away as he finally came to the correct door. Ugh, finally. It was a good thing he had a map. Now, he just had to report to the tallest advisor in the chamber and then be presented to the Tallest. Normally, such presentations would entail him describing his skills and personal history so that the Tallest could deduct how best to use him, but apparently, the current two Tallests ignored such traditions and would ask for a memo before waving the newest advisor off.

Oh, please let it be that simple. He didn't think he could stomach being in the same room with those world crushers longer than he had to.

Stepping through the sliding door, Dib was greeted by a strange combination lounge/work area. Immediately his spooch sank. Was he the tallest one here? Sweet monkey paws! What was he supposed to do in this type of situation? He was supposed to report to the tallest advisor in the area. He didn't want to look like a fool and mess up something so culturally important. At least all the irkens on the team had said height hierarchy was important. Apparently, it had something to do with the old queens and survivability or something. When he asked for more information, Zim had merely said its something you know in your spooch and since he was born human that he'd never truly understand.

Luckily, before Dib made himself look like an idiot, the sound of shifting robes filled the area. It was a soft sound, barely audible in the suddenly quiet of the room as if Death himself was dragging his long cloak behind him. In fact, Dib wouldn't have been surprised if the irken had named himself Death with his unyielding stance, dark robes, and eyes a shade off from black.

Even when he spoke, voice low yet somehow commanding, Dib knew this was not an irken he wanted to mess with.

"And who are you?" asked the tall irken as he stepped up to Dib, fingers steepled like he was in thought before a predatory glint took over, the irken wandering a circle around the pretender. "I think I would recall someone so tall … and blue."

Not knowing how to hold his antennae, Dib joked, "Well, you know you can't make purple without the color blue, am I right?"

The dark-eyed irken had stopped wandering around him and was now staring at him like he was a crazy person. The other advisors that were drawing near were staring at him as well.

Coughing, forgetting humor had to basically slap an irken in the face for them to get it, he added dryly, "You know … the color wheel."

Now everyone in the room was staring at him like he had a second head.

Sighing, telling himself to stop acting so human, Dib pinged his credentials to the surrounding paks as well as his assessment to become an active advisor.

Most of the advisors that accepted the ping, pulled out digi-pads to review the information while the dark-eyed one was confident enough to open it via his pak. He either didn't fear Dib or he felt his pak could handle any unwanted downloads.

"Your name is Blue as well. How very on the point," commented the dark-eyed advisor. "It really is quite odd that I've never heard of you until now. Anyone even close to your height and advisor status is generally on my radar."

Dib wanted to refute that Tallest Red and Purple were very on-point names as well, but shrugged, recalling parts of his memorized background, "Yeah, being crashed landed on a deserted planet without any comms can make it quite difficult to report in height measurements. Had to wait until another ship crashed so I could get my cruiser up and running. I even delivered my cargo … though it might have been a bit late, and a might bit dusty."

At that, a few shorter advisors seemed to loosen up, antennae perking up in excitement and interest. The dark-eyed irken merely stared before waving Dib off like he was a nuisance, stating dryly, "Well, everything appears to be in good order. I suppose that we should present you to the Tallest then. They ultimately can deny your claim and then it's back to Planet Irk with you."

Dib near tripped on his own robes. Wait? What? He could be sent to Planet Irk?!

Before he could even question that out loud, he was being all but ushered out another set of doors, the dark-eye irken leading the way calmly as Dib was basically pushed ahead by some of the other advisors.

"I'm Advisor Pixen, by the way," said one of the advisors as he came up to Dib's side, likely excited over this whole escapade. "Don't mind Advisor Dimm. He just doesn't like being caught off guard. He generally knows any advisor candidates before even they know so he can make contingency plans for his contingency plans."

His hand twitching as he aborted a handshake, Dib inclined his antennae in the direction of the shorter irken. It was supposed to be a form of greeting.

"Oh, a traditional greeting. Some of the older advisors will love that. They all claim us shorters didn't mind our training well enough and are insubordinate. I just say they need to eat less sour snacks because they are getting bitter," said Pixen as he inclined his antennae as well.

Dib struggled to smile, honestly surprised by the show of irken humor. It didn't help his internal panic though. Apparently, he had been using an outdated training module, hadn't he? Were all of them outdated? Just wonderful. Now he was probably going to come off as old-fashioned and dated, which was not something the Tallest probably cared for.

"Don't be nervous. I doubt the Tallest will deny your request," continued Pixen, obviously a chatterbox. "But even if they do, being an advisor to the Control Brains isn't any less respectable. It's apparently a lot less exciting and a bit dull compared to being on the Massive, but you are at least on Planet Irk."

"If he even survives the pak reassignment," offered another advisor with a strange visor over his eyes, his fingers never stalling as he typed away at a digi-pad in hand. "Control Brain advisors receive a new pak with less military capabilities and more processing power which is then implanted into the chest area. I hear it only has a survival rate of two in three."

Dib's spooch sank … why hadn't Zim mentioned any of this?! He really couldn't end up on Planet Irk, especially if it ended with him dead!

"Stop it, Took," said Pixen, swiping his claws lazily at the other. "You're making him nervous, and he doesn't need that before presenting himself."

Nervous? How could they … Dib felt his antennae shiver against the top of his head. Uhhhh! Those traitorous little twigs! He hated them so much.

"Oh, don't do that," added Took as he stopped typing on his digi-pad, the small group stalling before a big door. "Holding them against your head like that makes you look like a smeet that can't control his emotions."

Dib, eye twitching, dwelled on ripping that visor off Took's know-it-all face and throwing it back at him when the door slid open to the bridge. The viewing screen was obviously a center point of the room, taking up the entire forward pointing wall of the bridge. It almost felt like stargazing, the vastness of it up on full display.

It took all of the changeling's self-control not to gape in wonderment at it though. He wasn't here to marvel at the stars and their endless ballet in space. He was here to teach a lesson that Red and Purple weren't soon to forget: that humans could be vengeful little things.

Eye's becoming predatory, Dib noted that the room was designed seemingly as an exposition to the Tallests' grander. Knowing that, it was easy to find the irken leaders.

There they sat, robes so long they draped all the way to the floor like pools of water, seemingly undisturbed by anything around them. Both figures appeared listless, hunched over like the very act of sitting was a chore, snacks piled around them like a dragon's hoard.

Dib immediately hated them. Here they were, the beings that had sent Zim off for banishment, willing the invader to die in the vastness of space or to destroy the first thing he landed upon. They had never even wanted Earth. They just wanted to drag Zim through the mud. Zim had at least taken the planet seriously, feared and respected it even.

The Earth had meant nothing to the Tallest. It was small and insignificant to them, not even worth spelling the name correctly. In fact, the whole planet had been conquered for nothing more than fucking chocolate and pastries.

The changeling honestly wished he had some now so he could push it down their throats until they choked or their spooches ruptured. The destruction of his world had been little more than entertainment to them.

Besides himself, forcing himself to bury a sneer, Dib followed the dark-eyed advisor to the center of the room and the two chairs there. He straightened his spine, forced his antennae into the correct position, and kept his hands from curling into angry fists.

He could do this. He could grovel and grin. He could pretend to worship these two monsters that helped destroy his world as if it was a dull afternoon task.

Dib didn't know if it was the color of his robes, blue seemingly an uncommon color, or how his height seemed to lord over everyone else in the room, but he gained their attention faster than he would have liked.

"Who is that?" pipped up Purple, the Tallest nearly dropping the drink he had been reaching for.

Tallest Red, who had seemed two seconds from being hypnotized by the void of space, perked up as well, turning his head. Where Purple merely seemed curious, like he had gotten a new toy, Red glared. He was immediately suspicious.

Well, it seemed that a post-it note wasn't in Dib's future, especially since the ex-human was being ushered forward before the twin thrones.

It was at this very moment that he regretted not taking the puke bag from MiMi.

"My Tallest," said Advisor Dimm with a wave of his clawed hand. "This one, Blue, has completed his advisor courses and has come to present himself before you to see if he might be accepted as an advisor on the Massive."

"And advisor, huh?" asked Tallest Red, standing up and immediately frowning when he noticed how close to his height Dib was. He quickly straightened his spine and stood up properly to show off his superior height. Purple actually seemed to get nervous at this, floating around Blue as if double checking for something.

Dib tilted his antennae downward in a proper show of submission, cursing his height once more when Purple floated next to Red and simply said, "Check him for stilts. There's no way we didn't know about someone this tall."

It was at this time that Tak's comments about wearing pants under his robes made sense.

Resisting the urge to roll his eyes, kind of just done with everything, Dib hiked up his skirt before the two enforcers heading his way could do it for him. He even kicked off his shoes, wiggling his horrible alien toes before he rolled up his pant legs. He dared not say a word as he stood there feeling like he was flashing the whole bridge instead of just showing off his toes and ankles.

The two Tallest stared at him in surprise before Purple grumbled, "Spoilsport. You could have at least taken a zap or two from the guards."

Red, as if in agreement, waved his claw in exasperation before stating, "Alright, alright. Somehow you escaped everyone's radar. You're not the first Taller to do so. Now, present yourself. Let's see if you'd be a better fit here or with the Control Brains."

Twitching, dropping his robe's skirt in surprise, Dib tried not to panic as he rehearsed his skills and uses. Tak had basically written it word or word for him. Not that the memorization helped. Red and Purple were still stalking around him, tugging at his robes, muttering how they were hand-sewn, something about his large head, and scarless skin.

But the worse part, the words that almost made him stumbled were:

"He really is super blue, isn't he?" said Red as he peered down at Dib, grabbing his chin so he could look at his eyes better. "Don't see a lot of blue eyes anymore either. In fact, the color kind of reminds me of that horrible water planet Zim was on. Ooarth or something."

Purple merely hummed, nodding, "Oh yeah, that planet sucked, and after they drained it, it wouldn't even grow anything. Complete waste of time conquering it."

It was unlikely that anyone saw Blue's hands become fists or noticed that his voice had become strained as he listened to the casual talk about the death of his home world, but that was probably because of his smile. His too-big smile that didn't reach his eyes. They probably all thought he was glad for the Tallests eventual acceptance, but they were wrong. It was the smile of a madman before he snapped. The smile of someone that wanted to hurt you.

XXX

A/N: Finally, we get to see Red and Purple. I'm not entirely happy with this chapter. I kind of feel like it was slow, but I suppose every chapter can't be drama filled. ^.^;