Chapter Twenty-Six: Two Wolves

Two days and two nights passed without incident. Katara almost couldn't remember what civilization was like, what a world that wasn't made of shifting sand and azure sky looked like. She couldn't believe she had forgotten how dizzyingly monotonous the desert was. For that she was grateful they traveled at night. At least the stars broke up the night sky in a way more captivating than the occasional tiny puffs of white clouds did during the day.

And Zuko was teaching her how to read the stars.

"That's Agni," he said to her as he pointed at the sky as they rode on Beast. "You can see her with her arms stretched upward toward the sun above her, to symbolize where firebenders draw their power from."

Katara traced the outline of a woman with her eyes. "That's amazing, Zuko." It was her turn to point at a cluster of stars off to their left. "My dad pointed that one out to me when I was little. It's a polar bear dog."

He chuckled. "Is that the only one you know?"

"Yes." She sounded miffed. "That constellation happens to be very important in the South Pole. It's Nyyrikki. Legends in the Southern Water Tribe say that he taught humans to hunt thousands of years ago."

"I didn't mean to upset you. I'm sorry. I was just curious to see if you knew any others. That's actually fascinating. Uncle never taught me that constellation." He hugged her around the middle before he pointed to a constellation to the southeast. "Tui and La are up there, too. Do you see them?"

Katara strained her eyes. "Hm...no. I just see the polar bear dog."

Zuko cupped her chin in his hand and guided her eyes toward the stars. "There. You can see them circling each other."

"Oh! I see them. They're beautiful." She turned her head to look up at him, a wide smile on her lips.

He kissed her; he couldn't help himself. He still hadn't gotten used to the fact that he could kiss her. And by the soft moan she breathed against his lips, she seemed to be fine with it, too. When they pulled apart, her eyes were dreamy. Zuko smiled and pecked the tip of her nose.

A blush rose in her cheeks and Katara smiled before she turned her eyes back to the stars. "My gran-gran says that true legends become stars when they die. When we see the Great Lights in the South Pole, the elders say it means another legend has joined the others amongst the stars."

"I've seen the Great Lights before," Zuko said softly. "They were...I'd never seen anything like that before. Or since. Words can't explain it."

Katara sighed deeply. "I think the Great Lights are one of the things that I miss most about home. Besides my family, you know. I don't really miss the cold or the snow, or having to be bundled up all the time...but I miss seeing the Great Lights."

"Maybe when all of this is over...we can take a trip to the South Pole to see them," Zuko suggested softly.

Katara looked up at him. "Really? You would...would you be able to take the time off to go?"

He smiled crookedly at her. "I'm the Fire Lord. Of course I could do that. I can make things happen if I really need to." He shrugged. "Well, assuming there aren't more pressing matters that need to be addressed first, of course. Like, you know, saving the world...again. And I seem to recall someone always reminding me I need to relax more."

"You do," she deadpanned. Then she smiled up at him. "That would be amazing. I would love that."

"Nothing would make me happier than to make you happy," Zuko told her earnestly.

Katara stared at him in disbelief. Was it possible for Zuko, who also happened to be the Fire Lord, to love her that much? The thought made her giddy and nervous inside all at once, like a maelstrom churning inside of her. She had never known a love like this.

She managed a coherent response. "It's a date then." She smirked as she added, "You could officially meet Gran-Gran."

Zuko paled. He rubbed the back of his neck. "Uh...yeah…"

"Don't worry, Zuko." Katara beamed a warm smile up at him. "Gran-Gran isn't really one to hold grudges." She shrugged. "It only took her sixty-odd years to forgive and marry Pakku."

Zuko grimaced. "Is that supposed to make me feel better?"

Katara chuckled. She stretched up and leaned back against him to plant a kiss on the corner of his jaw. "I'm just messing with you. If I'm happy, she'll be happy." She pulled back, her eyes kind and understanding. "She knows you're not the same person who first set foot on our snow all those years ago."

"If you say so," Zuko said hesitantly. He kissed her temple. "If it makes you happy, I'll do it." He gave her a gentle squeeze. "I would be honored to take you to see the Great Lights again...and to meet your grandmother."

She squeezed his hands in return. "I'll hold you to it, Fire Lord." She was quiet for a moment. She had turned her face back to the sky, and she let out a soft sigh. "When I was little, after my mom died, I used to pretend she was up there amongst the stars too."

Zuko's arms tightened around her. "If legends really do become stars, then your mom is up there, Katara. She's probably the brightest star of them all."

Katara sniffed and blinked away the tears that had sprung unbidden to her eyes. "That's a really sweet thing to say. Thank you."

"It's just the truth." Zuko kissed the top of her head and drew her closer.

Katara rested her hands on his arm, her fingers tracing the swell of muscle beneath his tunic. She could happily stay right here with him for the rest of her life.

She came to the realization that she had never felt this way before. Aang had never made her feel so utterly loved and cherished. Katara was always second-guessing herself with Aang, doubting herself. With Zuko, she felt confident and sure. Loved and protected. And there was more to it than just that, too. She couldn't even quite put it into words...it was just a feeling. When she was with Zuko, she felt peace. She felt like she belonged. She wanted to feel that way forever.

He awoke to the sensation of something soft and cool gently caressing his cheek. His scarred cheek. Zuko opened his eyes slowly and found Katara's bright blue ones looking back at him in the relative—but not total—darkness. She had opened the tent flap at some point, and now cool moonlight poured into the tent. Her skin seemed to glisten like gossamer under its silver glow. Zuko's lips curved into a smile as he rolled onto his side to face her, and Katara gently traced the outline.

As she did, Zuko realized, and not for the first time on their journey, that his consciousness apparently wasn't the only thing that could also rise without the sun. And, as he had awkwardly become accustomed to, he would have to be careful of his body placement next to hers. He certainly didn't want to make her uncomfortable now. What they had was new, tender and fragile, like a budding flower in spring. He wanted to do this right with her, at whatever pace she set.

In an effort to take his thoughts away from such things, he finally broke the silence.

"How long have you been awake?" Zuko inquired drowsily.

She smiled back at him. "Long enough. The moon is almost full." She shrugged. "I'm always restless when that happens."

He covered a yawn with the back of his hand before stretching. "So you were just watching me sleep?" He raised his brow and offered her a flirtatious smirk. Of course, he neglected to tell her that he, too, had watched her sleep.

"Yes. You're absolutely fascinating when you sleep."

That made him quirk his eyebrow at her again. "Oh? How come?"

Katara curled deeper into him and placed her fingers back along his cheek. If she was any closer, he didn't think she could go without noticing the strain in his trousers. And now, with her so close, he wasn't too sure that he was against that. She was making it very difficult for him to contain himself. As he thought this, Zuko nuzzled instinctively into her touch.

"Because...it's hard to explain." She sighed happily. "You're just you when you sleep. There's no mask, no facade. You truly wear your emotions." She chuckled. "And believe me, you're quite expressive when you're asleep."

He felt a blush creep into his cheeks. "Is that so?" He allowed his fingers to lightly graze the skin at the small of her back.

She nodded. Her thumb traced the bottom edge of his scar, ridged and puckered below her pad. "I know we haven't been having any more of those weird dreams, but we still dream. So I can see when you're having a good dream or an unpleasant dream. You smile and sigh a lot when you're having good dreams."

"And the unpleasant ones?" His fingers followed the dips and grooves of her spine to the hem of her sarashi and back down to her waist. Seeing her eyes fall close and hearing the small gasp that left her had his pulse thrumming and heat coiling low in his belly. He wouldn't be able to contain himself much longer.

"You frown—well, scowl—a lot, and you growl." Her lips curved up into a teasing grin.

Zuko barked out an unexpected laugh. "I growl? Seriously? You've got to be joking."

Katara nodded, the corner of her mouth pulling up. "Oh yeah, you growl. Like a tigerdillo. It's actually quite...sexy, to be honest."

Zuko arched his brow, amused. "Oh...is that so? Well then, allow me to humor you…" He let out a low growl as he brought his hand up to tangle into her hair and pull her into a searing kiss. Katara pressed the palm of her hand against his scar and returned the kiss fervently.

He thought about how easy it would be to lose himself in her, to forget about the world and its troubles for a little while. He never wanted to let her go. But of course, he had to. Eventually.

When they finally broke apart, they were both breathless, eyes wide and dewy as they stared at each other.

"I love you," he whispered before he could stop himself.

He felt her freeze beneath his hands. Zuko watched her ocean eyes, which were widening in shock. A flush crept up his neck. You idiot. He swallowed hard.

Her thumb followed the familiar curve of his scar. Her lips, swollen from their kiss, were slightly parted. Katara blinked owlishly. "You...love me?"

Zuko pressed his mouth into a thin line. He furrowed his brow, nervous about her reaction. He forced himself to hold her gaze. If he was going to be honest, there was no point in stopping now. "I do." His hand was on her cheek and he stroked his thumb across her skin. He needed her to know he meant everything he said.

Her eyes were glassy with unshed tears, but a smile creased her face. She leaned up and planted a soft kiss on the corner of his lips. "I love you too," she breathed against his skin. His heart leapt into his throat, and he vaguely wondered if this was a dream.

But then she kissed him again, a deep, passionate kiss, and he knew he was wide-awake. Her hand corded through his hair and held him in place—not that he was about to go anywhere. His fingers danced across the bare expanse of her shoulder blade, down her arm, to her waist. He nudged her gently and she rolled onto her back, never breaking their kiss. He grazed the soft skin of her stomach with his fingertips and he heard her sharp intake of breath. Zuko left a trail of kisses down her jaw to her throat, teeth and tongue exploring. Katara shivered beneath his hands and he smiled against her throat. She rolled her head back to give him better access, and he took it. Soft sighs left her as his mouth made it to her collarbone.

Zuko withdrew and kissed her mouth lightly. He smiled down at her. "We're wasting moonlight."

"Well, I don't think I would consider this wasteful." Two dark spots of color had risen in her cheeks and her eyes glittered with desire.

He smirked at her. "I don't want to stop either, but we've got to stay focused on the mission. There will be plenty of time for this—" He pressed his lips to her pulse and heard the breath hitch in her throat. "—when this is over and done with."

Katara huffed out an irritated sigh. "It can't come soon enough."

Zuko sat upright. He trailed his fingers down her leg before tugging on her ankle. "Come on, princess. Let's get something to eat. If we make enough time, I think we'll get there sometime tomorrow night."

Katara propped herself up on her elbows, a curious frown on her face. "How can you tell?" She finished sitting up and reached for her clothing.

He shrugged."I don't know. I just have a feeling." Zuko stared thoughtfully at the moon. "The air is...starting to feel different. Don't you feel it, too?"

"No." She frowned again. It just felt like dry desert air to her.

"Hmph." He put his boots on. "It's hard to explain. It's sort of like how it felt at the Baresuku when we found the Conduit. But not...terrifying. You know?"

"That was...something else entirely." She didn't want to feel that particular sensation ever again. She stood up and shrugged into her pants and tunic.

Zuko pulled his shirt on. "The air just feels…" He sighed as he searched for the words. "It just feels different."

"I believe you," Katara said. She slipped her feet into her boots. "So, we're almost there then."

Zuko nodded. Together, they stepped into the cool night. The moon shone down on them, and Katara scanned the dark horizon. Zuko was confident they were close. That knowledge sent prickles of anxiety through her. She couldn't feel what he claimed he felt in the air, but her instincts were trying to tell her something. She just wasn't sure what. But Katara wouldn't let Zuko know about her apprehension. They had enough to worry about.

Katara turned towards him. "So tomorrow night, we'll get there. And then we drink from the pond, and figure out what we're supposed to do to divert the prophecy." She put her hands on her hips. "Sounds easy enough."

Zuko snorted."Easier said than done, more likely."

Katara closed the small distance between them and slid her arms around his waist. She pressed a soft kiss to his mouth. "No matter how hard it is, we'll get through it together."

Zuko kissed her forehead. "I know we will, princess."

Katara reluctantly pulled away and searched through their bags for something to eat while Zuko built a small fire. He packed away the tent while Katara made a familiar meal of rice and preserved meat. He checked their supplies: they had enough food and water to get back to Gangju, at least. When he sat down in the sand beside her, Katara was ladling their dinner (breakfast?) into bowls. She passed his food to him.

"I don't know about you, but I'm looking forward to fresh food again," Katara remarked. After a moment's thought, she laughed. "Wow, I sound like my brother."

Zuko chuckled. "Yeah, you do."

They ate in easy silence. Zuko found it was one of the things he loved most about being in her presence: they could just be. They didn't have to fill the silence with political babble or meaningless words, and the quiet that stretched between them didn't feel tense. He didn't feel like he had to try and figure out what she was thinking: Katara wore her feelings on her face.

It had never been that way with Mai; he never knew what she was thinking or feeling. Mai had been an expert at hiding those things, even—or perhaps, especially—from him. And he had never been able to talk to her about his feelings, either. She would always shut him down. The knife-thrower was skilled in the art of deflection. How many times did we even say 'I love you'? Zuko wondered as he watched the waterbender beside him. And did we even mean it?

Katara glanced at him and caught him staring. She blushed. "What?"

"Nothing. Sorry. It's just that..." He cleared his throat, embarrassed. "I think you were right, Katara."

She quirked a brow at him when he didn't say anything more. "Okay, I like the sound of that, but what am I right about, exactly ?"

"When you said that we were meant to be. That things were supposed to happen this way." He peered over at her, feeling uncertain of himself. "I think you were right about that."

She smiled warmly, a warm flush creeping into her cheeks. "What made you think of that?"

Zuko sighed heavily. "I was thinking about Mai." He pinched the bridge of his nose between his fingers. "I never really told you what happened between us, did I?"

"No, and I never asked. I figured if you wanted to tell me about it, you would do it on your own time." Katara shrugged, but she was watching him curiously. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"I think I should." He gave her a small, wry smile. "I promised myself that I would be honest with you. Full disclosure." He sighed again. "I'm not very good at talking about...painful things. Bad memories, and all of that."

Katara remembered how hard it had been for him to tell her what had transpired with Lee in Gangju, and she nodded sympathetically. "I know. Take your time."

His mouth twisted into a mixture of a scowl and a frown. "Mai and I...we knew each other since we were kids. Eventually she developed a kid crush on me, and I guess I felt the same. But we never got the chance to go anywhere with it since I was banished. And when I…" He cleared his throat. "When I went back home, after Ba Sing Se, we were suddenly together. And I thought it would be different. That she would be different, for me. Or at least, she would be different around me."

"But she wasn't."

Zuko shook his head. "No. She was exactly the same. She was unable to express her emotions, good or bad, no matter what I did. And it brought me down. I did care about her, but when I made the choice to leave her behind and join the Avatar, it was almost...a relief."

"But you still went back to her." Katara's voice was muted in the still night. "After the Agni Kai...when she showed up at the palace you took her back."

He snorted. "Well, I don't think I took her back. It was more like she took me back. And I don't know, I guess I was hoping things would finally be different. Especially since we didn't have the war hanging over our heads anymore. But it wasn't. It was exactly the same." Zuko paused, thinking carefully before he spoke again. "I did think about you then. More than I probably should have. You saved my life. But...you were with the Avatar." He glanced sideways at her. "Do you think...if...I hadn't done that, that something could have happened… between us then?"

"I don't know." Katara sighed deeply. "I'd be lying if I said I haven't thought about it. After you risked your life for me...I think that's when things started to change between us. But we didn't give it time. We didn't have any time to process it, you know? It all happened so fast. You were crowned Fire Lord and Mai came back, and then we went to Ba Sing Se and I kissed Aang. I thought I loved him then." She peeked up at him from beneath her eyelashes. "Maybe if we'd had time…"

Zuko offered her a small smile. "It doesn't really matter now though, does it? The maybes and the what-ifs? Because we've realized it now. That's the important thing." He set down his bowl of food and snaked his arm around her waist to pull her closer.

Katara returned his smile for a brief moment. Then she grew serious again. "So what happened with you and Mai after Aang and I went to Yu Dao?"

He looked away and scrubbed his other hand over his face. "It's not something I'm particularly proud of. And I can't say I blame her for breaking up with me. Again. All things considered, I was a pretty terrible boyfriend."

She rolled her eyes but there was a playful smile on her lips. "Come on, Zuko. You couldn't have been that bad."

"I was seeing my father behind her back." Zuko swallowed hard. "Well, not really behind her back, but without telling her." He forced himself to look at Katara. Her eyes were wide. "Though I guess it's basically the same thing."

"Zuko, why would you do that? Why would you see him at all?" she demanded to know. "He's….he's—"

He sighed as he pulled away from her. He drew his knees up to his chest and hung his head. "I know, I know. And I haven't...I haven't gone to see him since Azula escaped. I went to see him because I was lost and I didn't have anyone else at the time. I didn't know what I was doing as Fire Lord. I spent years being groomed to rule the Fire Nation one day, and then when it was handed to me, I froze. I was expected to inherit a prospering nation, not the mess Ozai left behind." He took a shaky breath. "Everything was so bad, Katara. I didn't know who I could trust, or even how to find out who I could trust. The people were split, half of them happy that the war was over and the rest calling for my head. There were so many attempts on my life...I was afraid." He stared down at his hands.

He felt her hand fold over his and he looked up into her eyes. Her mouth was twisted downward, but she didn't look upset. Just sad. "I wish you would have reached out to us," she whispered. Tears glistened in her eyes. "To me, to Aang, Toph, Iroh… We would have helped you."

"I know." He growled in frustration. "Add it to my list of mistakes, I suppose." He got to his feet. He paced restlessly beside the fire. "I sought him out for advice on how to rule. It was stupid, because I'd known all along I didn't want to rule the way he did. It wasn't conducive at all. He told me...well, it doesn't really matter. And then Mai found out...and she broke up with me." Zuko shrugged, spreading his hands wide. "That's that."

Katara peered up at him. "But there's more to it than that, isn't there? With how things were with Mai?"

"Well, yeah. Like I said, she couldn't express her emotions in a healthy way to save her life." He exhaled. "I was too passionate, and she wasn't passionate enough."

Katara stood up and went to him. She wrapped her arms around him and buried her face in his chest. After a moment, Zuko encircled her with his arms. He pressed his cheek to the top of her head and closed his eyes. They stayed that way for several quiet minutes.

When she pulled back, a soft smile shadowed her mouth. "Lucky for you, I'm a pretty passionate person myself."

He couldn't resist the smirk that tugged at the corner of his lips. "That's one of the things that I've always liked about you." He kissed her for a brief moment. "I feel like you're exactly who I needed by my side this whole time. I need someone who is caring and fiery and passionate to help lead my nation."

"Amd now I know that I would love to be that person for you." Katara beamed at him. She stroked her fingers across his cheek. "I like it when you open up to me. You keep yourself closed off far too much."

Zuko wrapped his hand around her fingers and brought them to his mouth, grazing them lightly with his lips. "I know I do. But I don't feel like I have to do that with you."

"That's because you don't have to," Katara murmured.

His smile warmed her heart. "So I'm learning."

They rode through the night once more. As they closed the distance between them and their destination, Zuko felt the garden's call. He couldn't explain it, not even to himself, but he felt drawn to some unseen epicenter. The air around them buzzed with electricity. It reminded him of the Conduit, but it was different somehow; there was no darkness to it. It was just...there.

It has to be spirit energy, Zuko mused. But why can I feel it while Katara can't? Of that, he didn't know.

He wasn't afraid though. Instead, he felt ready, determined to face whatever came next. He was confident that they would succeed in whatever it was that lay before them. Zuko didn't know how he knew, but somehow he knew that this was the right way. This was how things were meant to be, no matter what his uncle had said.

His thoughts returned to the Conduit. She had been the one to point them this way. But why? He felt like he was missing something, something important about her and her relation to the Avatar and to the world. He truly didn't believe she was purely evil; he didn't believe many things actually were. Not even his father or sister, despite all of the evidence pointing to the contrary.

And Zuko knew better than anyone else that even good people could possess darkness within themselves.

He glanced down at Katara. She could bend the blood within another person, rendering them defenseless. She could assume control of their body at will. It was a darkness that any waterbender powerful enough could possess. And it held with it the possibility to turn them to evil and cruelty. It could turn her cruel, if she let it.

Once in his life, maybe he believed things to be in black and white. But Zuko had seen too much, done too much, to not realize that life was also colored in shades of grey. It was even evident in Tui and La, in push and pull, and in the balance: darkness could not exist without light, and light could not exist without darkness. Together they created gray. That was a battle that waged within each person as well. Zuko knew that intimately.

"You're awfully quiet back there," Katara remarked, breaking him from his reverie.

"Hm? Oh, I was just thinking."

She turned her head to face him. "What were you thinking about?"

"About balance. That...that good can't exist without evil, and evil can't exist without good. You know what I mean?"

Katara nodded.

Zuko went on. "And that it happens inside of people, too. It's not just the bigger picture; Aang versus the Conduit, a battle between good and evil. I don't think the Conduit is truly evil, just like Aang isn't purely good. We all have that struggle inside of us, don't you think?"

"Yes, I do." She paused. "In the Southern Water Tribe, there's an ancient proverb that talks about exactly that," Katara mused thoughtfully. "It goes, 'Inside each man, there are two wolves at war: one who is good, and one who is evil. The one that wins is the one that you feed the most'."

"Exactly," Zuko said. He reflected on that for a moment. He had once fed the evil wolf within himself, and it had nearly consumed him. "The world is made up of all kinds of balances, some big and some small. And some are only inside of us."

She laughed. "You sound like your uncle." Katara gasped softly as the realization hit her. "The Conduit stopped feeding the evil wolf."

Her words reminded Zuko of what the Conduit had said. "'I am made of ice and darkness but that does not mean I have to bend to its will'."

She arched a brow at him. "What was that?"

"That's what she said to me," Zuko mused. "When I went and saw her on my own. I think she was trying to tell me that we're free to choose our own destinies, and that she had chosen hers."

"But you already know that, Zuko. You chose your own destiny."

He frowned thoughtfully. "I know I did, but that's a little different than when you're an all-powerful entity like the Conduit, don't you think?"

"Aang changed his destiny too," Katara pointed out. "When everyone was telling him he had to kill the Fire Lord, he fought it. He found another way, through the Lion Turtle and energybending. And he still restored the balance. Maybe the Conduit can do that, too."

"I guess we'll find out when we get to this Garden, won't we?" Zuko remarked. He jerked his chin toward the east. "I can feel it. It's out there. We're getting close."

Gooseflesh rose across her arms at the ominous quality his voice had. "I still don't sense anything. Why do you think that is?"

Zuko shrugged. "I don't know. I've been wracking my brain about it. I know that only the enlightened or the desperate can find it, at least that's what Uncle said. But I don't think I'm any more enlightened or desperate than you are."

"Maybe you're just more spiritually aware than I am?" Katara frowned curiously. "I've never given much thought to the Spirit World or anything like that, aside from my connection to Tui and La. I know it's there, but…" She glanced back at him, eyes wide. "Maybe you are more enlightened than me! You communed with the firebending masters. That might have something to do with it."

Zuko recalled his encounter with the last two dragons. He had gone with Aang to learn the origin of firebending shortly after he had joined their group, and he'd lost the rage that had fueled his inner fire for so long. He and Aang had been taught by Ran and Shao. Even now, Zuko almost couldn't believe what the dragons had shown him. There had been so many colors in the flames, the warmth that had enveloped him…but it had also told him a story, too. It had shown him that there was more to firebending than just destruction and pain.

"Maybe," he agreed quietly.

"I guess it doesn't really matter," Katara said. "The important thing is that you've now got something of an internal compass to guide us there."

Zuko nodded sagely. "We'll be there by dawn."

Enjoy the Zutara fluff 3