Funeralia Part 1

Lebanon, Kansas

The Winchesters sat at the table in the main room of the bunker while Castiel stood next to the table, all of them waiting for Rowena to answer the phone.

"Hello, Winchesters," Rowena's voice finally rang through. "I'm very sure I've done nothing that you know of to make you want to call, but how lovely to hear from you."

"Rowena, that's not… we, um—

"You'll have to speak up," Rowena instructed Sam.

"We need your help." Dean reluctantly admitted.

"Really?" the witch gasped in surprise.

"We must assemble our most powerful allies to rescue our family and confront the archangel Michael," Castiel explained. "Now, he's in an alternate universe, so—

"Ah, the handsome angel is there, isn't he?" Rowena cooed. "Hello, Tweetie Pie."

Castiel shoved his hands in his pockets and shifted awkwardly. "Um, hello."

"Obviously I'd love to help after what you—Sam—did for me," Rowena started. "But I'm in the damp Pacific Northwest right now working on my own little project."

"Project?" Angela asked.

"What project?" Sam demanded.

"Oh, nothing for you to worry about," Rowena assured. "Just checking a few items off my little to-do list."

"Sure, that doesn't sound ominous." Dean scoffed.

Sam frowned when he heard music and chattering in the background. "Rowena, are you at a… party or something?"

"I am, but I'm surprised you recognize the sounds of a party, seeing as how you're all work and no play."

"Look, we didn't call to talk." Angela huffed. "We… the world is in danger, Rowena."

"And I'm currently surrounded by art that makes me think the world should be in danger. Best of luck to you. Mwah," she bid farewell before she hung up.

"Dammit." Dean threw his head back in frustration.

"You know," Castiel squinted. "She's right. You never go to parties."

Sam and Dean exchanged looks of disbelief while Angela could barely stifle her laughter. Dean just shook his head.

~/~\~

Dean fixed himself a cup of coffee while Castiel stood at the kitchen table.

"You know what? Forget Rowena. There's gotta be some other way we can track down Gabriel and hijack his grace."

"Even though he could be any place on Earth?" Castiel asked.

"Yes."

"Or technically, anywhere in the entire universe." Castiel corrected.

"I didn't say it was gonna be easy, but, uh… All right, some on. Ideas." Dean closed his eyes and rubbed his hands together. "Come on. Here we go," he sipped his coffee and gave up after a few silent moments. "Nah. I need a real drink. I'm gonna get a beer. You wanna beer?"

"No," Castiel answered.

"I'll get a beer." Dean nodded.

"The angels." Castiel's eyes lit up.

"What?" Dean asked as he opened the fridge and pulled out two beers.

"Maybe Heaven could help us," Castiel suggested.

"Ah, not for nothing, but don't the angels mostly want to kill you?" Dean slid one of the beers to Castiel.

"Yeah. Yeah." Castiel nodded. "This would be something of a Hail Mary."

"Hmm." Dean nodded, almost impressed with Castiel's use of slang.

"It's a sports term, like slam dunk, or, uh… ball handler," Castiel informed.

"That's," Dean pursed his lips. "Uh… mnh-mnh. No, I don't think it's a good idea."

"Well, Dean, we don't have any good ideas."

"Okay, just… let's just not barrel through with that like, uh, you know, like the Donatello thing." Dean reminded pointedly.

"We had our disagreement, but we got results."

"That don't make it okay."

"I hear your concerns, and yes, the angels loathe me, and there's going to be dangers, but Heaven doesn't want the world to end any more than we do," Castiel explained as Sam and Angela walked into the kitchen. "This is—This is something that I have to try."

"We got a problem." Angela sighed heavily.

"Another one? Awesome." Dean muttered sarcastically.

"All the stuff that Rowena said on the phone—uh, Pacific Northwest, art gallery, party—I-I think we found her." Sam handed the tablet to Dean.

"A rich lady exploded?"

"Yeah." Sam nodded. "Uh, local cops are—are calling it spontaneous combustion. Pretty much."

"Well, that does sound like Rowena." Castiel mused.

"I knew it." Dean shook his head. "I freaking knew it, man. You gave her that page. What'd you think was gonna happen?"

"Sam just wanted Rowena to be able to protect herself." Angela reasoned.

"Yeah, by barbecuing someone?"

"We don't know what this is yet," Sam argued. "Maybe she had a reason to—

"Doesn't matter what the reason is. That's not okay!" Dean snapped.

"Okay," Sam nodded. "I said if Rowena goes bad again I'd deal with it, so I'll deal with it."

"You better," Dean replied firmly. "Cas, you wanna try this angel thing, then go for it. Just don't get dead again."

~/~\~

The Impala sped down the dark highway and Sam huffed when he couldn't get in touch with Rowena.

"Still no answer?" Dean questioned.

"Yep, still no answer," Sam mumbled.

"You know I don't wanna be right about this, but… I mean, look, I want the fun flirty Rowena that mostly helps us, but you gotta be ready for, uh… not that."

Suddenly, Jessica appeared in the backseat in between Grace and Henry's car seats. "Or maybe she just has bad cell reception."

Dean slammed on the brakes and pulled over. The three hunters got out of the car and confronted Jessica.

"What the hell?!" Dean shouted angrily.

"You almost caused a wreck!" Angela shouted.

"Who are you?" Sam demanded.

"Hi, Dean." Jessica smiled.

"Wait…" Dean's brows furrowed in recognition. "Jessica?"

"So, you know her?" Sam raised his brows.

"Yeah, she's a reaper. She tried to take me into the light. Didn't work out."

"It really didn't. And honestly, it's been a little sad watching you go this long without telling Sam and Angela about me."

"Hold on a second," Sam frowned. "What do you mean 'watching?'"

"Well, after Dean's little trip to the Veil, Death asked me to keep an eye on you three, in case," Jessica explained.

"In case of what?" Angela questioned.

"This, I guess. I don't ask Death questions. Never goes well."

"So what, you—you've just been… hovering around us, invisible, like a—like a babysitter?" Sam asked.

"No, no more like a baby monitor," Jessica corrected.

Angela's face paled slightly. "A-and you've seen, like—

"Oh, everything, Angela," Jessica smirked knowingly.

"Oh, God," Sam muttered.

"You mean, like, everything, everything?" Dean raised his brows.

"I'm especially fond of Sam's impressive… extensive array of hair products," Jessica replied before looking at Dean. "Not to mention, the three-day-old bacon cheeseburger in your room, or the VHS tape hidden under your bed labeled 'Sweet Princess Asuka Meets the Tentacles of Ple—

"Okay, all right, all right," Dean cut her off quickly. "That's not cool, okay? That's—First of all, that's a classic. Secondly, the burger's for emergency cases only."

"Okay. Gross." Sam looked at Dean in disgust. "Now why are you just manifesting now?"

"People in Portland have been dying outside of their assigned times," Jessica explained. "Because apparently someone has become powerful enough to do that." She gave Sam a pointed look.

"Rowena?" Sam asked.

"So, I've been instructed to offer my assistance as a resource."

"Wait, you said people are dying, as in more than one," Angela noted.

"Four. So far."

"Yeah, okay, well, uh, we're handling it," Sam replied.

"But if you need anything—

"We don't, and we won't." Sam interrupted.

"Cool. Well, I'm around. Always." Jessica reminded before she disappeared.

"Okay. Well you know, we could've actually used her help." Dean told Sam.

"Dean's right," Angela added. "We have no idea how powerful Rowena is."

"We could… Seriously?" Sam asked incredulously. "You guys trust her?"

"No," Dean huffed. "But between the—the reapers and Death, the hell's this witch gotten us into, huh?"

~/~\~

Portland, Oregon

The Impala pulled up outside of the LaVeau and the three hunters, dressed in their FBI apparel, got out of the car. Sam and Angela took the kids out of the car and they all headed toward the building.

"Okay Gracie, I need you to sit in the lobby with your brother, okay?" Angela looked at her daughter. "And you have to be really careful with him. We shouldn't be long."

"Kay, Mommy." Grace nodded as Angela led her to a nearby bench.

"Grace, your brother is just starting to crawl, so you have to hold him the entire time," Sam instructed. "Understand."

Grace nodded in confirmation as Angela gently put Henry in her arms. Henry babbled and smiled up at his sister.

"Okay. We'll be right back." Sam assured as they started walking towards the crime scene. "Uh, the victim's name was Elizabeth Mahler. I'm in her e-mails right now."

"Anything look like Rowena bait?" Dean asked.

"Hard to say," Sam replied. "Um… so Mahler was the CFO of a local pharmaceutical company. Getting a lot of traction on the lo—Oh, wow."

"What, baby?" Angela asked.

"Look at this…" Sam showed Angela and Dean the article on his tablet. "Pirodine pharmaceuticals. According to this article, they sold thousands of improperly labeled drugs."

"So, what, people got sick?" Dean asked.

"People died." Sam corrected. "Uh, wow. Mahler's lawyer got her off on a technicality."

"Okay. So, what? You think she deserved it?"

"No, I'm done defending Rowena, okay? I'm—I'm just reading what's there."

"Okay, I have a question. If that's Elizabeth Mahler," Dean pointed to a second burn mark. "Who the hell is that?"

"I don't know," Sam admitted. "Article only mentioned one person. Wait a second. I've seen something like that before," he realized and started searching on his tablet. "No way. That is what's left of a reaper."

"I have an idea…" Dean muttered. "Get the kids, let's go."

~/~\~

Sam and Angela followed Dean outside with Grace and Henry.

"What?" Sam asked his brother.

"Yo! Jessica!" Dean called out.

"Hi," she appeared with a smile.

"Hi. So, uh, that dead reaper in there, is that why you're all of a sudden so interested in helping?" Sam questioned.

"I'm glad you're ready to chat now," Jessica replied. "This will be a positive experience."

Dean rolled his eyes. "Okay, you can drop the whole warm and fuzzy thing."

"That's just a useful effect. I'm still an instrument of death."

"You know, you could have just told us that Rowena was killing reapers," Angela replied.

"And I would have, but your husband said you were 'handling it.'" Jessica reminded.

"Okay, all right. Talk." Dean ordered.

"Rowena's changing people's fates. She's killing them before their time and when a reaper shows…"

"She torches them, too." Sam finished.

"Yes," Jessica confirmed.

"Why?" Dean's brows furrowed.

"You'll have to ask her when you stop her," Jessica answered. "Because if she keeps this up, she's going to throw off fate. The whole greater machinery of death."

"That means…"

"Have you ever heard of the butterfly effect?"

"Ashton's second-best movie," Dean replied obviously.

Sam shot Dean an incredulous look before looking back at Jessica. "Yes, of course. Uh, uh, one small mistake can—can cause all kinds of bad. What about it?"

"If just one person dies before their time, a lot of things that were supposed to happen, don't. The ripple effect from just one early death can affect hundreds of lives. And changing their fates changes even more fates until things just become sincerely unfortunate, and we have to hit the reset button."

Angela's brows creased together. "What does that mean?"

"Usually? A mass kill-off." Jessica replied. "Like the Black Plague or a mid-sized war. Something to wipe the board clean. So… your help in avoiding that would be greatly appreciated, by everyone."

"If it's so bad, why don't you stop her?" Dean asked.

"You've met Billie, right? She's got rules. Clean hands. No interference. Well, no direct interference, anyway. We can't stop her, but you can." Jessica looked directly at Sam.

"What, me?" Sam asked in confusion.

"Death keeps notebooks with all the ways a person might die, depending on their choices. Dean's seen his."

"I got a whole shelf," Dean added.

"But in Rowena MacLeod's notebook, her death is always the same—She's killed, Sam Winchester, by you."