Trigger warning...very upsetting chapter; don't read unless emotionally prepared, and don't read if already in a bad way.

You've been warned.

After last night, my head was spinning with thoughts I had no right to have, but they were still there. Hell, a month or two ago, if you'd told me I'd be having them, I'd have laughed you off of the face of the earth! But who's laughing now? Nobody, that's who. Cuz Eddward doesn't laugh, and me? I'm just, well, I'm happy. And I'm not afraid any more.

I think, when I woke up, it all finally clicked. My Wolf wasn't there to hunt me any more, and the predators I thought I saw were like snakes to a mongoose; something to be fought off and, well, you know. Or I'm guessing I know, what with the whole...yeah. I'm not about to ask. Whenever I think about it, I get kinda turned on, anyways, which is a bit awkward. So I just stood there waiting for him to show up that morning. I was waiting a while.

Less than a minute before the bell was due to ring, I saw him. Marie did, too; she'd been with me to needle me about last night, but left me alone when I started to clam up from embarrassment. We both watched as he limped along the sidewalk, like every step was something he needed to do and nothing more. She and I shared a look from across the school lawn.

The bell rang, and he slipped in before I could catch him. Marie ran after him, but didn't even get a response as she shouted his name.

She walked in front of him.

He walked through her like she was a door.

"Oh...oh Eddward! Go right on in, I'll be right there!"

I sat on the sterile bed, staring through the floor as she came towards me, locking the door behind her.

"Did she," I didn't respond, "oh Eddward, I'm so sorry, I can't believe she'd," were I there, I'd have quieted her, "look, I'll make the arrangements. Your father won't know, alright? I'll make sure all of your teachers mark you as arriving, and the principal knows of the situation."

She sat down beside me, a foreign hand resting on my shoulder blade.

"If you need me, I'm here. You can always count on me."

Minutes passed. She'd left. She might have said more, but I wasn't there.

I kept looking through the floor, through my shoes. I ached, but not enough to move. Moving was not necessary for now.

The silence was unnoticeable in my mind, as nothing else was competing.

"Kevin, hey," Marie shouted out at the end of the school day.

I looked in her direction, seeing the slightly panicked way she was walking towards me, the concern in her eyes, "Hey Marie, what's up?"

"It's Eddward, it's not good."

"What?" My eyes widened, and I almost lost my grip on my books. I immediately clung to them, going back to placing them in my locker.

She held her arms, eyes showing more pain than her stance let on, "Please see him tonight, please, Kevin."

I shook my head back and forth rapidly, not in disagreement, but in confusion, "Wait why?"

"I, nng," she held tight to her arms, squeezing as she shifted from foot to foot. She bit her lip, the canine exposed, "I, nngh! If I tell you, he'll get mad if I'm wrong, and I can't, but please, please, Kevin. I need you! I can't do this again! I can't see him like this, it'll...I can't again..."

The fear was making her eyes shift from side to side, shoulders slumping, bangs hiding her face. It didn't sit well with me, not at all.

"I'll...I just...how do I..."

"Get the key for the back door, do you know where it is?" I nodded without needing to think, "Good. Use it to go in, then find him. I don't care if he gets pissed; hell, if he does, blame me. Tell him I forced you to at knifepoint for all I care, got it? Just get in there and please, don't go until he's okay..."

I didn't notice the shine to her eyes until she swallowed, sniffling.

I knew my response.

"Yeah, sure, Marie-"

She hugged me, tight as a vice. Every ounce of pain translated into the crushing force with which she held me, but she still held back a sob.

I heard her whisper, "Make sure he's safe, okay?"

I nodded, eyes closed.

Her steps were broken as she walked off.

And mine?

Well, I was running.

It felt like I was walking into an abandoned house, what with the chill it gave off. I'm not sure how one person's mood can change the way a house feels, inside and out, but something was there. Or, well, not there. The wind was crisp and biting, the sky cloudless, the sun not warming. Clouds that could swaddle in the warmth were all gone, leaving the dead sky, the corpses of trees in the early spring as the only backdrop to Eddward's house.

I felt the metal on my fingertips as I turned the key, clicking the door open as quietly as I could. I was pretty freaked out by how frantic Marie had been earlier, and every little thing put my teeth on edge.

The way his shoes were abandoned inches from the front door. The imprint of knees and hands in the plush living room carpet. The barely-visible trail towards the stairs that one could only see because the light shone off the differently-facing carpet fibers. Yeah, I was that freaked by the situation that I was noticing every little thing. It just made it so much worse.

I called out, "E-Edd," I stuttered, my voice dry before I swallowed, "I'm here, are you?" I questioned into the darkness, before putting my palm to my face, mumbling, "I mean, of course you are, your shoes are..." I shut myself up, looking back towards the stairs.

I didn't even want to go up them. Some primal fear that was so familiar to me held me back.

I pushed it away.

"I'm coming upstairs alright? I know you're here," though my voice lacked any hint of confidence in that fact. I gulped, lips twitching, eyes shut.

I opened my eyes and walked forward, face locked with determination. I felt every fiber fold under my shoes, and made a mental note not to be too loud. I mean, he knew I was there, but...still. I wasn't really welcome here, I shouldn't be stomping around the house like I owned the place. I couldn't own it less; I don't even think Eddward owned it more than I did.

I cringed again, and began the walk up the stairs.

No sounds met my ears as I ascended, and it unsettled me to no end. I reached the top after an unending moment of crawling white noise. His door was wide open.

I went inside.

He was lying on his back when I got in there, a closed fist on his chest as he stared emptily at the ceiling. In that still moment, I watched his chest for a breath, but the damage was done. A jolt ran through me, primordial fear for someone's life, and I kneeled down next to his socked feet without being able to say anything. My hand rested on his lower leg, and he didn't even flinch.

"Edd..."

My face ached with concern as I stared at him, watching his slow, unsteady breathing, and the way his fist would occasionally tense. Eventually, his eyes narrowed, only adding to how glazed they look. My lips parted, begging to speak.

"Are you...are you alright, Edd? Eddward?" Nothing. "I...hey, Loup, it's me, Little Red," he blinked, "I'm here, what's wrong? I'm here, you can talk to me, hey, I'm not going anywhere..."

And I held true to that for the next achingly long pause, several minutes at least, before his lips moved. Nothing came.

"Hey, if you want to talk, it's alright...if you don't, that's fine, too, just please, I'm here, ok?" I pleaded with a desperate smile on my face, but the quiver in my lip falsified it, my fear in full view.

His right hand moved, my eyes widening as his hands met over his ribs. The left hand released its grip, and I saw something there. When I realized what it was, I took a sharp breath.

"DON'T!" I yelled quietly into the door, crawling to his side and reaching for his hand.

"Reach and I'll slice my palm, child."

The first time he had spoken that day, but it froze me, as it always did. His frozen eyes closed, and he took a slow, deliberate breath.

"I...you can't-"

"No, Kevin, I can."

The way he said those words was foreign to me. Gone was the Wolf, and in his place, a broken child. A crushed, brilliant child, with nothing left to lose.

"Edd, what's...what happened..." I couldn't even question, I was just speaking aloud. It was one thing to see him down, another to know he'd already cut. But now? Now he was shattered before me and in a dark place I couldn't even comprehend going to, and I felt my heart drop.

"Leave me."

I shook my head, "Never."

His eyes opened, staring vacantly at the ceiling, "Go away."

"I can't, Edd."

"I'm not Edd, I'm Eddward, you insolent twit." There was no anger in his words, just resolve.

Over the next minute, I willed myself to place my palm on his arm as I sat myself beside him, one arm wrapped around my knees.

"You're...you're not, though."

His lip twitched, "I am a product of all who created me. Those broken by birth and broken by knowledge, and I have no purpose but to fail. I wish to no longer hurt anyone, and I will be Eddward when I go."

"D...don't," I choked out, my hand squeezing automatically at his arm, "you can't...you can't just go."

"I will."

I shook my head, "No you CAN'T, Edd, you can't just go, you can't..."

His voice was as numb as before, "Let go."

"...I can't." My eyes started to cloud from the tears overcrowding them.

"Be happy without me."

"I CAN'T!" I yelled out, turning to grab his arm with both of my hands. The only reaction he gave was to turn his head to the side.

He didn't reply again, but the tears started rolling from my cheeks anyways. A gasped sob came from my lips as I crumbled, doing all I could to avoid his hands as my head settled against his chest. My hat pushed me back, so I angrily took it and flung it back against the wall. I couldn't open my eyes to see any more, such were the tears.

"I...I just want my Wolf back," no response, "my...mon Loup, right?"

I heard his head shift against the carpet, and sniffled, "Mon Loup...mon cher, mon...amie?" His breathing was calm, "Please don't go, I need you..."

"You need nothing, Kevin, I used you like a pawn because you amused me. I only ever hurt you, and any pleasure was for my gain."

"Fuck you, Edd, you're so full of fucking crap," I spoke between sobs, "you were just trying to protect yours-yourself, back then, a-a-and if it was only you, if y-you didn't care about me, you could have, I don't fucking know, raped me, what with how under your damn thumb I've been, but you didn't."

"Because I am a coward," said the empty child.

"Because you are a...a sweet guy with a, a shit life and...you're hiding a lot, and I don't want that..."

"Does anyone?" Rhetorical.

I snorted angrily, "Well, apparently you fucking do, what with the razor and the hatred towards yourself, but I don't, Eddward."

Each breath he took was smooth to my ear, a rush of water from the tumultuous ocean, hiding its chaos behind its calm shores.

Without thinking, I turned my head, and placed a long, slow kiss on his sternum.

"K...Kevin..."

I closed my eyes, my head aching from tears, face crumpled with their stains as I spoke muffled words into his chest, "Don't go, Eddward..."

A minute passed. His breathing remained slow.

"I'm...so sorry," the broken boy mumbled. When his chest shook, I nearly looked up, but didn't want to move from where I was.

When it shook again, I couldn't help myself. I caught sight of his eyes, and they were looking at me. Two crystalline eyes hooked tight to me, moving as he took in my every feature, shining in the late afternoon light within his room. His lips were parted, and the gap between his teeth was obvious at the angle.

"You're so cute like that, you know?" I tried to smile, tried to anything, but the statement was a flat, sad attempt to change the subject. I didn't even expect a reaction.

Instead, he shook his head, leaning it back once more, "No."

"Y-you do though, what with the gap tooth and all," I continued.

"The thing Father did not want to waste money to fix because it would not affect a scientific career." His words were cold, and I started to push myself up, wiping the crusty stains from my cheeks with an arm.

"You...he said that?"

"Proper men wear nice clothes no matter the occasion, such as to always present themselves as desirable, no matter who is watching."

I watched him with keen interest now.

"Authors make little, but scientists can do much. Teaching, for instance, is an option, but only at a university level," he spoke as though reciting a mantra, "and one must not take to a 'common' job if they want to make headway in life. Laxness on anything will breed a terrible future. Father would know, he watched his parents fail as such."

"But your dad can't tell you what to-"

"Mother said I could be as my heart desires, that it always brought her happiness. Look at her now, sinking into depression once every few weeks, indulging on the most common of vices."

I didn't know what to say.

"Who does the son follow? The one who is hospitalized from her depression, or the one who is content and successful, with a stable home and a stable life?"

"Neither of th-"

"Correct. And that is why I have to go."

I reached for his wrist again, avoiding his hand and the razor blade within, "You're not...Edd, look at me," dull eyes glanced my way, and it hurt to see the pain hiding in them behind the numbness, "you're...so much better than them. I," I held back saying anything about what was wrong, because it wouldn't help, it really wouldn't, I knew that much, "I know you can be anything you want. Just...don't give up."

He swallowed, eyes closing. I sighed brokenly, "And...and Eddward, please," I spoke desperately as he stared at the ceiling through half-lidded eyes, "please just...just cry. I...I know you need to."

His head shook, but it was slight; a learned reaction.

"Edd, Edd I'm here...Loup, mon Loup, cry for me..."

He cringed.

"How do you say that...in French? How do I ask?" I questioned, no tears left in me as I looked over him silently.

His eyes opened once more, breathing slow.

A moment later, he spoke, words crumbling, "S'il vous plaît pleure...I believe..."

And so I did my best to repeat what he said. I'm pretty sure I butchered it, but...but he...

"I," his breath hitched, "I c-can't, not now, I can't cry, I'm not..."

I felt the pain in each and every word, and the fear it produced. I stared at him, "You can, it's just me, I won't be mad, Loup, I won't-"

"I-I-I'm not weak I'm not, please don't," his voice choked the words out as his eyes began to shimmer, "I can't cry, he'll know, he always hates it..."

He looked so exposed, lying there, sobbing with closed eyes, and it urged me to move. I slid my hand under him, pulling upwards with all the strength I had, and pulling him against me. His shoulder was against my chest, head against my chin as a childish sob escaped him. I just breathed him in, placing a kiss upon his beanie, one hand smoothing his back as the other took his head and pulled it against me.

"I don't care, you're my Wolf, you can always cry with me..."

The dam burst, his tears bursting forth. The ocean came from him, a tempest rainstorm in the body of a boy too old for his age, and I held him, thinking of all the things I knew of him. All the cracks and scars that had led up to this day, and how I wasn't going to let myself lose him. I wasn't going to let him lose himself to this.

"Mon cher...mon Loup...you'll be okay," I whispered into his crumpled form.

And as he sobbed louder, I forgot anything else could matter in my life but this broken boy who hid his heart in ice.

There's more to come, my sweets. For now, though, Eddward has to cry this out. For now, listen to a song, one that reminds me of the pain of the dark thoughts that want escape. Fight or flight; run away or end it all.

The song? Swim, by Jack's Mannequin. Enjoy.