Chapter 14: The Painful Past

They reached what was left of Helgen after nightfall, about five days after leaving Fort Dawnguard. It took a little longer than Sithia cared for, tramping through the snow in the pass under the shadow of the Throat of the World. Snowberries with occasional conifers and bare bushes replaced the rich vegetation of the Rift, and once they got down below the snow line more pine trees lined the path. They were now in Falkreath Hold, known for its evergreen forests.

Serana almost stumbled to a halt when she caught sight of Helgen. She'd been expecting devastation. Instead… "Doesn't Alduin breathe fire? The town walls are still standing. They don't look new."

Sithia squinted ahead. Without vampiric sight, she probably couldn't see them too well; especially in the dim light of the moons. "He does. But the walls were still there when I escaped. The damage was inside. I did wonder why Alduin spared them. Perhaps he liked having a captive audience."

They trudged closer. Serana pointed above the walls. "I see smoke. Not much, just a thin trail. Looks like a single fire. Could someone still be living here?"

"I can't imagine why anyone would want to. It's bad enough remembering when it was destroyed without being surrounded by the reminders of it."

"Maybe it's not survivors of the attack, but new inhabitants," Serana suggested. A few steps nearer Helgen and two stakes either side of the gate caught her eye. "Whoever they are, they have a questionable taste in decorations."

"Decorations?"

"By the gate. You'll see."

It wasn't a pretty sight. On the left, a stack of three bloodstained skulls. On the right, the impaled charred remains of a corpse.

Sithia drew her sword. "People who leave trophies like that around don't tend to be friendly." She pushed the gate open. It creaked loudly, breaking the silence of the night. Serana winced. They probably wouldn't be taking the inhabitants by surprise.

Sithia muttered a curse and kicked the gate, the impact muffled by her enchanted boots. She sighed and crept forwards. Serana followed. She caught her breath at her first sight of the ruins of Helgen.

Buildings razed to the ground, piles of rubble scattered all around, blackened splintery planks jutting out of them. Shattered walls, roofless houses, holes torn into stone towers. And a random fallen tree trunk… maybe it had been ripped up and dropped by Alduin. Strangely, not everything had been destroyed; a house beyond the wreckage looked intact. Perhaps spared to deepen the wound by reminding any survivors of what had been lost?

Serana's attention was drawn away by distant footsteps. As they came closer, they brought heartbeats with them into the range of her keen hearing. "We're about to have company," she whispered.

Sithia cursed. "Stupid gate! So much for sneaking up on them. It's been a long day, I'd hoped to deal with them without a fight."

"We can take them."

"I know. Hmm, especially if…" Sithia darted behind Serana, hands unfastening the pack and delving inside it.

"What are you doing?" Serana stumbled, thrown a little off balance. "At least let me take it off first!"

"No need, I've got it."

The pack shifted one last time on Serana's shoulders. Her eyes narrowed. She had a nasty feeling she knew what Sithia was doing. "Got what?"

Sithia gulped something down and tossed aside the bottle. It smashed on the cracked paving, splattering the sickly green dregs.

A stamina potion, damn her.

Before Serana could do more than open her mouth to object, their company arrived. There were four of them, clad in ragged fur armour, wielding the rusty weapons common to most bandits. Except for one of them, empty handed, her hands raised. Not to surrender but to cast. A mage.

"Now ain't this a surprise… fresh meat wandering into our home. Kill them!"

Sithia strode forward, shoulders rising as she inhaled deeply. "FUS RO DAH!"

A ward flared into being around the mage just before her friends were blasted through the ruins of a house behind them, silencing their heartbeats. The mage fell to her knees, magic flickering in her hands before it faded, a telltale that her magicka reserves were drained. Interesting… Perhaps Serana didn't need to fear dragon fire quite so much.

"Fuck, I hate it when that happens," Sithia grumbled. "Wards can take all the fun out of Shouting." She stormed over to the hapless bandit and cut off a plea for mercy. The mage collapsed, her head rolling to a halt in the rubble.

"It's the Dragonborn!" The yell was accompanied by more approaching footsteps.

Serana looked up, eyes tracking what she couldn't yet see. "There's more of them coming."

"Yeah, I hear them too. Great. That's my own fault for Shouting."

"At least these bandits aren't running away."

"Small mercies."

This time five bandits picked their way through the rubble. "Quickly! Before she can Shout again, kill her!"

Now that was nothing less than suicidal. If they somehow managed to kill the Dragonborn they'd all die when Alduin ate the world. Not that they'd succeed if Serana had anything to do with it. Time to teach them not to mess with a necromancer.

Two of the bandits Shouted to death climbed to their feet, a telltale purple glow crisscrossing their skin. They raised their weapons and advanced on their living comrades.

"Necromancer! Kill her!"

Serana readied another handful of conjuration magic. There was still one more relatively intact body, even if the decapitated mage wasn't so useful. She released the spell. It didn't take, the body collapsing into ash instead.

'Impossible.' She might not be quite the necromancer her mother was, but she could raise more than two undead at once!

Her right knee collapsed under her. Serana fell, pain coursing through her, with another jolt of agony when she hit the ground. She glanced down.

"Huh."

An arrow shaft protruded from her knee, complete with ragged feather fletching.

Sithia roared, an incoherent cry of fury.

Serana looked up, and regretted it when her vision swam. She closed her eyes, breathing deeply. She cracked her eyes open again and saw Sithia rushing towards the bandits.

"Void take you all!"

The bandits were cursing, fighting the undead Serana had raised, giving time for Sithia to close the distance. A Bosmer archer was backing away and nocking an arrow. He must've been the one responsible for Serana's knee as none of the other bandits held bows.

Serana snarled. She forced away the pain fogging her mind, ice and lightning coalescing in her palms. She hurled one spell after the other into the archer. Sithia's sword reached him just afterwards.

"That'll teach you," Serana muttered.

The remaining bandits didn't last long, not with an enraged Dragonborn so close. Serana let the two she'd raised collapse into ash, turning her attention to her wound.

She gingerly touched the shaft. It really wasn't at the best angle to remove herself, and the way she could feel the wound tightening wasn't good. The blessing of the night was trying to heal her around the arrow.

Sithia knelt beside her, pushing her hands away from the arrow. "Let me. That looks nasty."

"I suppose you might have more experience than me when it comes to dealing with arrow wounds. I've never actually taken one out before."

"I do. A fair amount more than I ever wanted." Sithia removed her gauntlets and gently ran her hands around Serana's knee, including behind it. Presumably gauging how deeply the arrowhead penetrated. She firmly gripped the shaft.

"You don't break the shaft off?"

"That's done to make it easier to move with an arrow in you, and one in the knee cripples that anyway. Or it's done so that it can be pushed out instead of ripped out. But I'm not about to shove it through your knee. I'll be pulling this one out."

Serana gritted her teeth, bracing herself.

Sithia didn't immediately yank it out. "What happened? You froze, that's not like you."

"That was stupid of me, I know. I tried to raise a third bandit. I failed. That's nev—argh!"

Sithia inspected the bloodied arrow. "Good, still intact. You don't want bits of rusty arrow in your knee, or for me to have to go digging for them."

Serana stifled a whimper. "A little warning would've been nice!"

"In my experience it's less painful if you don't expect it."

"How can you not expect it if you removed your own arrows?"

"Even I need help sometimes." Sithia waved the arrow about. "Want to keep it?"

"You're the one with the hobby of collecting things like that, not me."

Sithia tossed aside the arrow. "Suit yourself." She put her gauntlets back on. "As for your necromantic failure… You summon minor Daedra to reanimate the bodies, right?"

"Yes. Do you know why it didn't work?"

"It's because Martin Septim sacrificed himself to seal away the ability to use Daedra to reanimate an undead army. Well, maybe not specifically to do that, but that's what happened when the covenant with Akatosh was renewed."

"Covenant?"

"You were locked away in Dimhollow before it was made between Alessia and Akatosh, and long before the Dragonborn emperors renewed that covenant. There's a barrier between Tamriel and Oblivion now."

"Oh, right. I remember reading about it now. I should've realised what it meant. But if there's a barrier, why can I still reanimate any corpses at all with Daedra?"

Sithia shook her head. "I don't know exactly how the barrier works, but it limits what can pass through it. How's the knee?"

Serana inspected the site of the wound. A little frost magic washed away the blood, revealing unmarked skin. "Good as new."

Sithia stood and offered Serana her hand. "Are you sure you're all right? Knees can be tricky things, there's plenty of guards out there who were adventurers before arrows to the knee changed their career."

"…I think that's a Nordic euphemism for marrying. Being a guard is a steadier career than adventuring. Anyway, the blessing of the night is powerful. Let me prove it." Serana took Sithia's hand and pulled herself up, flexing the joint. "See? It's fine."

"Perhaps you should take a few steps first."

Serana swept Sithia into a brief dance rather than walking normally. She halted with Sithia braced back over her arm at a dramatic angle.

"Happy?"

"Very funny. Come on, let me up. We'd better check we got all of the bandits, then find a good spot to camp for the night."

They wandered through the ruins, Sithia occasionally using her Shout-Whisper-thing before looking in all directions.

"Nothing."

"Agreed." No heartbeats save Sithia's and her own sluggish one.

Sithia pushed her cowl and mask down. She looked beyond weary, and… haunted?

"Sithia?"

"It's just… not a comfortable thought, that far worse than this devastation will happen to the entire world if I don't stop Alduin. This wall hidden at Karthspire had better have something."

"It will. The Aedra aren't known for their cruelty - surely they wouldn't make you Dragonborn if there was nothing you could do to stop him?"

"I'm not convinced Aedra have much to do with the likes of me being Dragonborn. Yes, Akatosh granted dragon blood as a blessing to his chosen, but it's also hereditary. There's been a few bad eggs in the Septim dynasty, and they were all Dragonborn."

"I think you don't give yourself enough credit. You're not a bad person."

Sithia looked away. "I'm not as bad as I was. I'm not sure that's saying—" Her eyes widened. "Well, fuck me. Of all the things that survived," she muttered.

"What?" Serana turned. "Oh. Is that…"

"The block my head was on when Alduin attacked? Yes." Sithia wandered over to it and bent down, running her fingers over the notched wood. "Still has bloodstains." She straightened up and took a ragged breath. "It was wet and warm from an impatient Stormcloak who hurried to his execution before his name was called."

Serana wrapped an arm around Sithia. "That's even worse than I thought. Seeing someone lose their head right before…" She shook her head. "Well, this is awkward. I'm going to have to thank Alduin when we next see him."

Sithia snorted. "I wouldn't worry about that. Certainly not considering what he did right after he interrupted my execution." She gestured at what was left of Helgen. "He also tried to roast me a few times that day. I think he knew I'm Dragonborn and just didn't want a pathetic mortal to be the one to kill me."

Serana flinched at the thought and tightened her arm around Sithia. Any vampire didn't like the idea of burning, and that extended to those she cared about.

Sithia gave her a brief squeeze back before she gently drew away. "Come on, that house looks like it might be sound enough to shelter in overnight."

The house wasn't quite as intact as it looked from the gates of Helgen, as a tree trunk had knocked a hole in the thatch. But apart from that the roof was still standing, and there was a bed inside: complete with pillows and furs.

While Sithia saw to the fire burning in the hearth, feeding it the wood handily piled up next to it, Serana dealt with the bodies. She briefly raised them two at a time and let them collapse into ash. It meant the stench of death wouldn't disturb either of them, or attract any hungry predators hoping for an easy meal.

When she returned to the house she found Sithia tucking into a stew one of the bandits must have made. She waited until Sithia had finished before raising something that had been puzzling her ever since she'd learned about it:

"I don't understand something. Your Thalmor dossier said you were caught by Imperials escorting captured Stormcloaks here. How did they manage that? You're, well, you're you."

"The damn Dragonborn, yes. But that was before I slew my first dragon. I couldn't Shout at the time. And you have to remember that I wasn't exactly at my best that day." Sithia sighed. "I hadn't slept or even rested in too long. I was fleeing a Thalmor execution squad, and came far too close to freezing when going through the Pale Pass. I didn't have this enchantment on my armour back then. My attention was on the road behind me, so I blundered straight into the Imperials. One blow to the head later, and the next thing I knew…"

"You saw that Stormcloak executed?"

Sithia shook her head. "Not quite. I woke up in the back of a carriage, my head on Ulfric fucking Stormcloak's shoulder. With a splitting headache too, and my hands were bound too tight for me to focus my magic. So I had the displeasure of suffering through the next hour from Oblivion before I could heal myself."

"How did you know it was Ulfric Stormcloak?"

"I recognised him from wanted posters in Cyrodiil, although they hadn't got his nose quite right. That and one of his Stormcloaks was aboard the carriage too and let his name slip."

"What did Ulfric have to say?"

Sithia snorted. "Nothing. They'd gagged him to keep him from Shouting."

"Ulfric can Shout?"

"He supposedly Shouted High King Torygg into pieces. I find it more likely that he Shouted him to the ground and used a sword. Even I can't Shout someone apart. Anyway, the thing is there was nothing to stop him from reaching up and pulling the gag out, even with his hands tied."

"Maybe he was trying not to get his men killed?"

"They were being taken to their executions," Sithia scoffed. "He'd already got them killed."

Serana sighed. "What did you do? I'm sure you did something to make it even harder to clear your Windhelm bounty."

Sithia tried to look innocent. "Nothing."

Serana raised an eyebrow.

"Nothing much."

Serana folded her arms.

"I kicked him and stamped on his foot. He deserved it! If not for him, I wouldn't have been caught crossing the border into this miserable province!" Sithia cleared her throat. "No offence."

"None taken. Parts of Skyrim can be pretty dreary, and you didn't have the best welcome to it."

"It was even worse than you know. When we arrived in Helgen, I saw Elenwen."

Serana stiffened. "Elenwen was there? Her commentary in your dossier didn't mention that."

"She was talking with the Imperial leader, General Tullius." Sithia shuddered. "She looked straight at me and smiled. The idea of being back in her hands again…"

Serana put an arm around her shoulders. "She's dead."

Sithia reached up to squeeze her hand. "I can never thank you enough for that."

"It's just a pity Alduin didn't eat her."

"She wasn't with Tullius when he came to oversee the executions. She must've left after getting him to agree to execute me. After the impatient Stormcloak lost his head, Tullius had a word with the captain, pointing at me. For a horrible moment I thought I'd been spared." Sithia nudged Serana. "Don't look at me like that. I didn't want to die, it's just… Better death than ending up at her complete lack of mercy again."

"She didn't suffer enough," Serana hissed.

Sithia's hand tightened on hers. "You'd have risked capture if you'd lingered. I much prefer having you here with me and Elenwen dead." She let her hand drop. "Anyway, Alduin landed on top of that tower overlooking the block when the axe was raised over my head. I'm lucky the headsman staggered so that it didn't come down on my neck."

"How did you escape with your hands tied?"

"Alduin set a lot of things on fire that day. I burned the bindings."

Serana twitched at the thought of flames enveloping her wrists. "Didn't that burn you too?"

"Yes, but I needed to heal myself anyway, what with the knock I'd taken to my head. Which made it harder to concentrate on the spell, but I've managed through worse pain before."

Serana almost asked what the worst had been, but changed her mind with a wince; what she could imagine was bad enough.

"As for how I escaped after that… I'm still not sure how I wasn't crushed or burned alive like so many others in that mad dash through burning buildings. Perhaps the most frightening thing was witnessing arrows bouncing off his scales, and the fireballs cast by Imperial Battlemages do no more than tickle him." Sithia's breath caught. "No. No, it was when he plucked up an archer and dropped him to plunge to his death right in front of me."

Great. Something else for her to dread happening to her Dragonborn. Thinking of nightmares like that, though… Serana looked doubtfully at the bed. "Are you sure you're going to be all right sleeping here?"

"And pass up sleeping in an actual bed for once? I'm used to dealing with nightmares. Helgen just provided a little variety." Sithia gently extricated herself from Serana, stood and stretched. "Besides, I'm tired enough that I shouldn't have a problem sleeping." She grimaced and muttered, "I hope."

Sithia crossed over to the bed, unbuckled her sword, and sat down to take off her boots. She tugged her cowl off but didn't remove her armour, merely unlacing it a little. Serana could hardly blame her for not feeling safe enough to do so. She started to lie back, but paused, propping herself up on an elbow.

"Care to feed directly?" Sithia tugged the neck of her armour down a little, deliberately baring her neck.

Serana wasn't even conscious of moving. Suddenly she was perched next to Sithia, fangs unsheathed.

Sithia blinked and chuckled. "I'll take that as a yes."

"Are you sure it's safe enough? This isn't the same as being in a settlement."

"Close enough. We're not camped on the road but behind walls."

One gentle bite later and Serana sealed her lips over the wound, fangs retracting. She closed her eyes, stifling a moan as tasty dovah sos filled her mouth. It was perhaps not at its tastiest, though, slightly bitter with the lingering memories haunting Sithia in this place. But to Serana's surprise the predominant emotion flavouring Sithia's blood was worry.

Not worry about Alduin, but about Serana herself.

Serana drew away, swallowing her mouthful of blood. "It was just a single arrow, and it only hit my knee. I'm fine."

"This time, yes. But what about next time we get attacked? And what if it's during the day? You can't heal in sunlight."

"That's not quite true. I can heal if I feed." Serana pointedly eyed the bite on Sithia's neck. Blood trickled from it, tempting her to latch on again. But that would distract them both from the topic at hand, and it did need discussing.

"To do that you need permission. Come to think of it… you can feed from me whenever you want."

Serana's eyes widened, and jerked her head up to meet Sithia's gaze. "Are you sure?"

Sithia nodded. "You've more than earned my trust by now. Besides, I don't like the thought of you needing to feed and me being unable to give you permission for whatever reason." She bit her lip. "But there's still a problem with healing that way. What if I'm not in a fit state to feed you?"

"I actually had feeding from our attackers in mind. It'd be too distracting for both of us to feed from you. But thank you." Her eyes dropped to Sithia's lips. The temptation to demonstrate her gratitude with a kiss was almost overwhelming. She leant closer. Sithia's lips parted as she inhaled sharply. Preparation for Shouting? Serana turned her head at the last moment and kissed her cheek instead. Still pushing her luck, but hopefully not too much.

"Living dangerously," Sithia purred. "I'll let it pass this time… I never mentioned my lips when it came to kissing me uninvited."

Considering Sithia had just invited her to feed at any time, it surely wouldn't take much for that other invitation to be forthcoming. Serana hoped.

"Anyway, feeding might still not work if these attackers are out of your reach. Archers, for instance." Sithia patted Serana's knee.

"There's a spell, one I believe you're familiar with. The one that infected you right before we met? Vampiric Drain. It's not as fast as feeding, but it would get me out of danger."

"It'd still be safer for you if we switch to travelling at night."

Serana folded her arms. "But not for you."

"I can take stamina—"

"I'd rather you didn't." It came out far frostier than Serana intended.

Sithia stiffened. "You're not trying to tell me what to do, are you?" The tone was conversational, but with a edge of steel to it.

"Sorry. It's just I'm far too familiar with the dangers of those things. I took too many once, back when I was human. I was at the College of Winterhold, and out from under my mother's watchful eye for once. I… overdid it."

"I see." Sithia relaxed. "Which is why you're so concerned about me when I take them. The thing is, you weren't supervised, were you? I was. Rasha trained me well. I only have them when I need to, and I know when to stop. What's more; I actually don't like the flavour of them, and don't care for the kick they give me. Sometimes I just don't have a choice, like right before fighting those bandits. I may be in my prime, but I'm getting older and feeling it. Even in my youth I had to use those things when working at night."

"If only you were a vampire," Serana muttered, too quietly for Sithia to hear.

"Besides, I might need them to stay sharp at night anyway. If you're right, then your father's minions are only hunting all the harder for us after my little message."

"There's still a limit. You can't travel at night all the time."

"I know. Because I can't take stamina potions every single night." Sithia sighed. "It seems we're at an impasse."

Thinking of potions… "There might be another solution. It's possible to bottle blood like a potion, although it needs some preparation and special bottles enchanted to keep the blood fresh." Not to mention warm. Cold blood just wasn't the same.

"Do you know the enchantment?"

"Yes, but I'll still need some soul gems."

Sithia pointed to her pack. "Help yourself. There should be some empty bottles you can use too."

"Thanks, I will when I'm next at an enchanting station. And I'm amazed there are any such bottles, the way you throw them away after drinking potions."

"Oh, I do, but someone has been picking up after me. I wonder who that could be," Sithia drawled.

"You're welcome."

"I suppose these blood potions are a solution, once you can make them. And it does mean you won't need to feed from anyone else."

Serana blinked. "Is that jealousy?"

Sithia flushed.

"It is!" Serana couldn't help grinning.

Sithia glared at her. "Would you like the idea of anyone else feeding from me?"

That wiped the smile off Serana's face. "No."

"Well, I don't like the idea of you feeding from anyone else either." Sithia touched the still bleeding bite on her neck. She held her fingers up, inspecting the bloodied tips. "Don't worry, I'm not about to feed any other vampires if I can help it."

"Glad to hear it. And you know there's no one else I'd rather feed from. No one else I've fed from since we met has enjoyed it either. I'm rather gentler with you."

"Good. But when you do have these potions, where we can… where it's safe, it'd be rather more enjoyable for both of us if you feed from me directly. Speaking of which, care to finish?" Sithia tapped her neck.

"In a moment. I just wanted to say that I think we're fine to travel during the day before I have blood potions. Besides, do we really have time to wait until tomorrow night to travel again?

Sithia glanced outside into the moonlit ruins, no doubt imagining Alduin wreaking such havoc elsewhere. "I don't like it, but you have a point." She beckoned to Serana.

Serana latched back on.

Tired and satiated, Sithia dropped off to sleep before she could heal herself. Serana lifted her head and licked her lips, eyeing the bite. She shook herself. No. She'd taken enough. Besides, that richest and sweetest blood would be muted by slumber now. That and she'd rather not feed from Sithia when she was sleeping. It should be when she was awake to enjoy it.

Serana sighed and retrieved a healing potion from Sithia's pack, tipping a bit onto her fingers to dab directly onto the wound. It closed, leaving the faintest scar. Clearly a potion wasn't a match for Sithia's spellcasting, but it would have to do.

Serana reached over to pull one of the furs on the bed over Sithia, tucking her in. That also made the scent a little weaker and less tempting. It had been so hard to resist doing more when feeding, to manually drive Sithia to release first… But no. That wasn't something she'd do without Sithia's consent, even if it wouldn't get her Shouted through the roof. She glanced up at the hole in the thatch. Well, through what was left of one around here.

Maybe next time she fed directly it could be from a satiated Sithia. To start feeding right at that moment, that spike of pleasure… Nothing tasted better. Either that or continue feeding a little longer after Sithia climaxed. Unfortunately it was just a little awkward to ask as things stood. But considering she already had permission to feed whenever she wanted mere days after first being allowed, it wouldn't be much longer before they were more… involved. Right?

It was just a pity that it was really only feeding whenever it was safe enough, not anytime and anywhere. Not to mention that she'd never be able to take as much as she wanted. She couldn't risk Sithia like that. Normally she limited herself to trying not to kill when she fed. With her Dragonborn she had to take less or it would weaken Sithia, magical healing or not.

Serana sighed. She needed a distraction. The hole left by the arrow in her leggings caught her eye. She'd never really cared for embroidery, but her mother's insistence that she learn should serve her well now. She retrieved Sithia's mending kit from her pack and threaded the needle. It took pricking herself a few times before she resigned herself to undressing, sitting there naked from the waist down. She hurriedly stitched together the hole. An attack like this would be so embarrassing.

Serana relaxed once she'd pulled her leggings and boots back on. She put the kit away and inspected her handiwork. It wasn't the neatest, but it'd do. Her mother could doubtless do better, wherever she was. Perhaps now was a good time to give some more thought to where on Nirn or in Oblivion she was hiding…

Well, not Nirn. Not with the bond her parents shared. Serana didn't know how they'd done it, but they could feel each other's emotions. That meant Harkon would be able to use that to track her mother down if she were anywhere on the same plane.

The problem with Oblivion, besides the obvious dangers of the denizens, was which of the myriad realms, and how to recreate the portal her mother must have used?

"Where are you?" Serana whispered.

"Somewhere safe, out of your father's reach. Someplace he would never search."

The last words her mother had said to her. Frustratingly cryptic. Yet maybe there was a clue there. Even within his own castle there was a place Harkon couldn't stand: the courtyard. He'd always found it too peaceful. While Valerica wouldn't be anywhere in the castle, she might have left something there that might give Serana some idea where to look. It was at least a start.

But for now Serana decided to say nothing to Sithia. Best not reveal that it looked like they'd have to go back to Castle Volkihar after that message enraged Harkon, not until they actually had to—

Serana hurried back to the bed. Sithia's heart was racing. A strangled whimper escaped her, and she thrashed around under the furs. It was time to wake up her Dragonborn before she Shouted down what was left of the roof. After moving her dagger out of reach, of course.

Serana perched on the edge of the bed and gently shook Sithia awake.

Sithia sat bolt upright with a strangled scream, hand flailing for where her dagger had been.

"You all right?" Serana sighed. "I knew it was a bad idea to camp here."

"No." Sithia shook her head, hugging her knees. "No, this was a different beheading. Besides, I can't escape my nightmares no matter where I go."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Want? No. But maybe I do need to." Sithia averted her gaze, looking instead at embers of the dying fire. "Elenwen broke me, but what I neglected to mention is that she wasn't responsible for the absolute worst the Thalmor did to me."

"What did they do? Kill someone close to you? A friend?"

Sithia's lips twisted. "More than that."

Serana winced, and wrapped an arm around her. "I'm sorry. Who was she?"

Sithia gave her a sidelong glance. "He. An Altmer."

Serana blinked. "He?"

"Yes, he. I like both. Do you have a problem with that?"

"I… No, I just had no idea."

"Man, mer, woman, beast-man, beast-woman… vampire…" Sithia looked pointedly at Serana. "I don't care. It's all the same to me."

"Just how many relationships have you had? If you don't mind my asking."

"Why? Afraid you have competition?"

"If I had competition, I think you'd have mentioned it by now. I want to know because I want to know you. Everything about you."

Sithia sighed, and continued in a resigned voice. "Three. A Khajiit, an Altmer, and a Redguard. But if I count everyone who has fucked me, add an Argonian or few, a Breton, a Nord and a Dunmer or two. And Elenwen."

There was a moment of horrified silence. "You said you don't do casual." Serana's voice shook.

"I did before…" Sithia grimaced. "Up until I was about nineteen. I don't now. Not by choice, and not when I'm sober."

"I'll kill them. Anyone who touched you without your consent."

Sithia opened her mouth, but cocked her head to the side and shrugged. "I suppose those times I was drunk makes my consent rather dubious. But you'll have difficulty killing them. Fucking me, whether I was willing or not, seems to be a death sentence. Maybe not instantly, but eventually. Come to think of it, you'd be better off if we don't get involved. I don't want to risk you."

Serana put her hands on Sithia's shoulders. "That's my risk to take. Besides, you're the mortal one here. I'm the one risking losing you to death."

"That's what I thought, that it was my beloved who would eventually be bereaved, until Tiber was killed. Being a young Altmer, he should have had centuries ahead of him."

"Tiber? Isn't that an Imperial name?"

"It is, but in this case it was a taken name."

"What happened?"

"I'll tell you, but no interruptions, please. The only way I can do this is to get it all out in one go—" Sithia's voice broke, and she took a ragged breath before continuing, "—or I won't be able to.

"Once upon a time there was a young Altmer, son of dissidents murdered by the Thalmor. He was rescued and recruited by the Blades, spies for the Mede Emperors, and bodyguards and spies of the Dragonborn Septim dynasty before that. He took the name Tiber as his own; after the mortal Talos, his newly discovered patron god. As an Altmer, Tiber had been raised to revere the Eight, not the Nine. But the Blades were the most devoted of Talos worshippers, and Tiber became one too.

"When the Great War broke out, Tiber fought valiantly against fanatics of his own race for the sake of his adopted family and friends. To no avail, for with the signing of the White-Gold Concordat the Blades were disbanded and hunted down. His friends and comrades killed, Tiber only survived because he blended in with the Thalmor, serving his friends by warning them of danger where he could.

"As a Thalmor guard Tiber witnessed many atrocities, and was forced to take part in them to maintain his cover. Murders of Talos worshippers, Blades and Altmer dissidents he could not warn in time… and torture of prisoners. Including a Dark Brotherhood assassin. He was responsible for ensuring she didn't die, for he wasn't only a guard but a talented healer.

"When the opportunity came, Tiber took the chance to orchestrate a daring raid, with the help of fellow Talos worshippers, those he served in secret as their priest."

'Priest?' Serana thought, remembering what Sithia had told her. She could guess where this was going. Tiber must be the priest who rescued Sithia from the Thalmor. The one who put her back together afterwards…

"They freed every prisoner in the Imperial City embassy, releasing those unable to be moved in time into Sovngarde or Aetherius, depending on the beliefs of the wretches.

"His friends did not want to give the assassin any help, not even release in death. Tiber spoke harshly to them, for they did not understand. He had committed atrocities too, he did not feel he was any better. Even if he hadn't, Tiber had witnessed everything Elenwen did, and did what little he could to care for the assassin afterwards without arousing suspicion.

" "No one deserves that, not even the worst of the Thalmor." With that, Tiber took the assassin in his arms and carried her out to freedom, after singeing his identification documents and ditching them in a pile of ash; remains of a guard.

"In hiding Tiber nursed the assassin back to health, her body recovered if bearing scars for the rest of her days. His friends still did not understand, for she was unresponsive. Alive, but dead inside. But Tiber didn't give up. He kept healing her, hands clasped to her head, spells gradually restoring what he could not see. For not all scars are physical.

"Magic has its limits, for only at the end of Evening Star, after four long months of caring for her when no one else would, did she finally speak:

" "Why the fuck do you bother?"

" "Because Talos gave me a chance, so he would surely give you a chance too. So you're an assassin, so what! Talos is the god of war, not of peace. He has no problem with killing. What he does have a problem with is those who persecute innocents, and especially those innocents that worship him. Gives him a bad reputation that he can't protect them, you know. But as with all Aedra, it is up to those worshippers to help themselves."

" "I worship neither Aedra nor Daedra."

" "I know, Sithia. I don't care. I still want you."

" "What?!"

" "To join me. Not… I mean, you're… You're beautiful and deadly and… and… and I think I could easily fall in love with you and not just in lust, but… I mean…"

" "Get to the point, you stupid Altmer."

" "Join me. Help me kill the Thalmor. As many as we can, before they kill us. There's too many of them for us to win, but we can take plenty of them with us before we die fighting."

" "I don't intend to die."

" "Nor do I. What do you say? Shall we kill together?"

"The assassin kissed the priest in reply. For she was in lust too. From that day on, they were truly inseparable. Killing Thalmor together by night, sleeping together by day.

"He taught her of the ways of Talos, of defending the innocent instead of preying on them. Raised to be a remorseless killer, the influence of her Altmer rescuer and his god changed her; cursing her with a conscience. For it was a curse at the time. The backlog of guilt for everything she'd done… It hurt worse than Elenwen's torture. Hunting Thalmor became her search for redemption, condemning them to the Void. Tiber was with her through it all, his faith both in her and in Talos aiding her spiritual healing as he'd done for her physical recovery.

"A year passed that way, as constant companions, until one day they spoke as one:

" "I love you. Be mine?"

"That formalised their relationship. Defined them together. They went from fucking to making love. So naturally.

"They talked of marriage. They grew overconfident. Their success blinded them to the danger. Tiber thought he had been wrong, that the Thalmor would never catch them after all. He thought they would have a future together, that their luck would hold. The only thing he feared was outliving her. He was still young for an Altmer. She was mostly Imperial, if with some Breton blood. Not enough to prolong her lifespan. Within fifty years, she would be old. Within seventy, almost certainly dead.

"Still, Tiber would rather to have loved and lost than never loved at all. He would take what he could get. Besides, even when death robbed him of her, their children should live longer.

"They had no happily ever after. The handsome priest was murdered by Thalmor Justiciars not even an hour after the wedding. There would be no half-Altmer children." Sithia closed her eyes, tears trickling down her cheeks.

Wait, Sithia had wanted children? Yet she clearly hated them now, if not outright feared. Serana bit her tongue. Now was really not the time to ask.

"The assassin survived the attack. Barely. The Thalmor had taken everything from her. But suicide wasn't her style. She spent the next decade hunting down and killing every Thalmor Justiciar she could instead. For a Justiciar had robbed her of the love of her life."

Did that mean… Was Sithia capable of loving anyone else? Serana swallowed hard against the tightness in her throat. "I'm sorry. I had no idea…"

"I've told you before, don't apologise for things that had nothing to do with you." Sithia's voice was back to its normal clipped harshness.

"I'm still sorry. I made you revisit—"

"You had no way of knowing what you were asking. Don't apologise, I'd already had the nightmare anyway. Besides, it's better that you know."

Hesitantly, Serana wrapped an arm around Sithia. She wasn't pushed away as she had feared. Instead Sithia leaned into her, turning to face her. That left barely any space between their lips. Serana fought against the almost irresistible impulse to close that gap, to claim a kiss.

Sithia's gaze slipped between Serana's eyes and lips. Her tongue darted out to wet her own lips. "Serana…"

Serana swallowed, hard, at the sheer amount of want in that single word.

It felt like Sithia was about to finally invite that kiss. Something she wanted so much, but not like this. It would be taking advantage of Sithia's grief, and she couldn't help but fear that Sithia would really be wanting Tiber, the one she'd loved and lost.

'No.' Not now.

Serana reached up to tenderly brush a stray hair from Sithia's cheek, and pulled her into a tight embrace, lips against Sithia's ear. "Let's go kill some Thalmor."

Sithia half-laughed, half-sobbed, "And they say that romance is dead." She shook her head. "Unfortunately, unless we run into a Thalmor patrol, we'll have to wait until we've taken care of my fucking duty to save the world."

"At least that's more likely now they'll be looking for me?"

"Hmph. Following the route on my map probably means we won't meet any of them. Oh well. Now's not the time to go looking for trouble."

"No, now's the time you tried to get some more sleep." Serana gently pulled away, but kept her hands on Sithia's shoulders.

Sithia stifled a yawn. "I suppose you're right," she grudgingly admitted. "If I can." She lay back down. Serana helped rearrange the furs and started to step back, reasoning that Sithia would surely want some space now.

Instead Sithia's hand shot out and caught her wrist. "Stay. Talk to me. The distraction might help. Besides, judging by the look on your face, you still have questions."

Serana sat back down and attempted to adopt a neutral expression. Not easy when curiosity came so naturally to her.

Sithia rolled her eyes. "Let me guess, you want to know why I hate children so much when I was going to have my own with Tiber."

"Well, yes. If you don't mind."

"It would've been different with my own, I think. And Skyrim's children are a mockery of what a child should be. I don't know what's wrong with them, but they aren't like kids I've seen anywhere else."

"I'll admit that Redguard with the pale hands is strange, but the other children I've seen around are normal."

"If you say so." Sithia looked away. "Perhaps part of it is that the only kids I've seen in Skyrim are around the age that my own would have been, if the Thalmor hadn't…"

Serana took Sithia's hand in both of her own. "I'm sorry."

Sithia sighed. "Again with the apologising for things out of your control!"

"Sorry." Serana felt her lips curling as she tried and failed to suppress a smile.

Sithia freed her hand to swat at her. "Anything else?"

"Well, I have been wondering why you don't use destruction magic in combat. You're clearly capable of it with how you destroyed that dossier."

Sithia pinched the bridge of her nose. "I could ask you why you avoid using fire magic."

"Most vampires do. Even when I was human I didn't actually know any. Frost and shock have always been my specialities."

"Interesting. I've always known the basic flames spell, that and healing."

"Maybe it's another racial variation?"

"Perhaps. But back to your question: don't you remember that damned dossier mentioning how my back was branded?"

Serana winced. "Sorry, I should have remembered that."

Sithia patted her hand. "Don't worry about it. Any other burning questions?"

"Not right now." It wasn't a lie, so Serana managed to say it with no consequence from the other blood oath she'd sworn. Because she couldn't help but wonder how healthy Sithia's relationship with Tiber was – his participation, however unwilling, in her torture, and her falling in love with one of her captors. At least it had been Tiber rather than Elenwen… But that wasn't really a topic she wanted to bring up with her Dragonborn. Not now, probably not ever.

Sithia nudged her. "Come on, distract me."

"I'm not sure asking questions is really helping you sleep."

"Then read to me. Please."

"You want a bedtime story?" Serana tried not to smile at that. The big bad Dragonborn, asking for a story like a child.

"Next you'll be complaining there's no book to read from."

"I don't need a book when I have a perfectly good memory," Serana muttered, mentally running through the stories she knew well enough that weren't too tragic. Definitely not Fjori and Holgeir. Hmm. Unless she modified it…

"Once upon a time there lived a huntress and a warlord, leaders of rival clans. They met in a duel rather than leaving the fight to their followers. The victor would claim the combined throne. Why waste life when both clans could be greater by merging? But as fate would have it they shared the throne, for they fought to a standstill. Sword broke axe, shield dulled blade. Truly equals, they fell in love as they'd won each other's respect.

"The clans combined. The huntress and warlord ruled in peace… until the warlord was poisoned by a jealous former suitor. Now the huntress hunted for a cure. She travelled far, crossing mountains and oceans, until she found the antidote. She returned in haste, snatching her warlord from the grip of Sovngarde before he could finish crossing from life.

"But the snake was still in their court, and poisoned the huntress this time, even as she poured the last of the antidote into the warlord's mouth." Serana gave in to the urge for a dramatic pause. "The warlord woke from his deathlike sleep and shared the antidote with his love in a desperate kiss, snatching her from death as she had done him."

"And they killed the snake," Sithia slurred, her eyes closed.

"Go to sleep, Sithia."

"Mmm." Sithia rolled over and her breathing slowed.

Serana stayed close for the rest of the night, to be on hand in case of more nightmares. But Vaermina had finished tormenting Sithia for the night, and she slept soundly until dawn broke.

They left Helgen on the road towards Falkreath, the gateway marked by another charming impaled burnt corpse and head. At least the lingering scent of charred flesh was soon taken away by the aroma of pine needles crushed underfoot, as the road took them through the forest. Ferns burst from the carpet of needles under the trees, beginning to show signs of new growth.

The day's travel was uneventful, apart from encountering a rickety wooden bridge over the road with a boulder trap suspended underneath it. The bandits didn't live long enough to trigger it, but Sithia didn't trust in their questionable construction skills and knocked the whole lot down with a blast of Unrelenting Force. They walked on, picking their way through the wreckage of splintered wood and smashed stone.

The road ran above Falkreath. Serana paused briefly to take in the view of the ancient Nordic ruin built into the mountain to the north. And of the Hold capital below, all buildings mostly timber and thatched roofs, smoke rising from many fireplaces. The Jarl's hall was of course the tallest building; three times the height of everything else.

"Come on, we can visit Falkreath at some other time." Sithia grabbed her hand and gently tugged her back into walking, down the slope to join the road leading out of the city.

"We're not stopping in Falkreath?"

"Only if we want to ignore my map. It's tempting, but…"

"Best not." Serana resigned herself to feeding indirectly the next morning. No matter how recently she'd had the intimacy of feeding properly she couldn't help wanting more. She sighed. Bottled blood wasn't going to be quite the same, even from Sithia. Whatever emotion her Dragonborn felt when the bottle was filled would be all Serana would get to taste. And that wouldn't be Sithia at her best - she'd hardly be doing it when… satisfied.

Hopefully they'd still manage a few stops safe enough for a direct feed, even with their need for haste. Sithia pulled on her hand again, leading her on into the growing gloom of twilight.

The next day their route took them around Lake Ilinalta. No dangers reared their ugly heads apart from slaughterfish in the shallows. They could hardly jump out of the water at them, so Serana refrained from taking potshots. Particularly as Sithia grumbled that they tasted foul anyway.

Serana also smelled vampires around a mill beside the lake, but they were only thin blooded, and Sithia told her they ran the mill. Presumably they kept their business separate from their meals, or they'd soon run out of customers.

Other than that the day was uneventful. The same could not be said of the third day after leaving Helgen. Not long after they set off they met a Nord couple, their clothing singed.

"It was a dragon! It happened so fast… One minute the dragon was there, the next it was gone. Everything was destroyed. We lost our home, our livestock... We barely have enough gold to get by."

Sithia dropped her head into her hands, dragging them down her face as she lifted it. "Look to your Jarl for compensation. I'm the Dragonborn, but I'm not made of money. Come to that, I'm not even paid for slaying dragons."

"You're the Dragonborn? Maybe… even if you can't spare any gold, could you slay that big black bastard?"

'Alduin.' Serana exchanged a look with Sithia.

"Him again…" Sithia muttered. "Perhaps this time I'll catch him. Where was he?"

"Our farm is maybe an hour down the road, and the dragon was heading north. Good luck!"

Serana paused long enough to give the farmers the gold she'd earned from satisfying Sithia's curiosity back in Whiterun. There was no guarantee they'd get anything from the Jarl, and judging by the extra faint heartbeat she could hear the wife was pregnant. That done, and their thanks following her, she hurried after her Dragonborn. Sithia had unsurprisingly quickened her pace.

Once she caught up, Sithia glanced at her before returning her gaze to the horizon and scowling. "I don't like this."

"Who would? But it must be even worse for you after Helgen."

"I'm actually puzzled about that. So far, Helgen's the only real settlement he's destroyed so far. Farms aren't the same."

"I suppose he's largely occupied with resurrecting his brethren."

"That is what he's been doing most of the times I've seen him." Sithia grimaced, and shook her head. She looked east, towards the sun. "But what I really don't like is that we might catch up to him in daylight. You don't have any blood potions yet, and he breathes fire!"

Serana slipped ahead to rest her hands on Sithia's shoulders.

Sithia almost walked into her, stumbling to a halt. "Damn it, Serana!"

"I'm not leaving you to fight him alone."

Sithia hissed through her teeth. "There isn't time to argue. Come if you must."

They rushed on, finding the burnt out farmhouse within the hour, but no other sign of Alduin.

After quickly walking on for a couple of hours, Sithia spoke up. "You hear that?"

Serana looked around. It didn't take long for her to pick up on what Sithia meant. "Eerie, isn't it?" It was deathly quiet. No birds sang in the tees. No deer or wolves ran through the ferns.

"It means we're on the right track. Everything lies low when dragons are around. Well, everything with any sense…"

Despite the signs Alduin had been around, they didn't catch sight of him until the sun was setting. The road was sloping down through the last of the pine forest, emerging onto the plain of Whiterun Hold, the tundra spreading out before them.

Serana heard the thunderous wingbeats even as she saw the familiar big black dragon, hovering over the slight hump of an ancient barrow beside the road.

"There!" Serana pointed.

Sithia broke into a run.

A pillar of light streamed up from the burial mound even as Alduin began his ritual. "Vuljotnaak, Ziil gro dovah ulse!"

Dark-Maw-Eat, your soul is bound to me for eternity!

Even sprinting headlong towards a fire breathing dragon, Serana still absently wondered how Alduin knew the dragon's name. From what she knew of the fall of the dragon cult no dragons witnessed the burials.

Sithia skidded to a halt at the edge of the dragon's grave, drawing a deep breath. "FUS RO DAH!"

The same Shout that had knocked a lesser dragon from the sky didn't make Alduin so much as blink.

That great horned head turned, and glowing red eyes glared. "Dovahkiin," he snarled. "I am Alduin, firstborn of Akatosh, and you dare speak first? Ignorant joor! The elder speaks first. Now behold how a true dovah should use their Voice!"

"Fuck," Sithia breathed.

"FUS RO DAH!"

The wall of force blasted them both off their feet.

A rush of air and stinging sunlight.

A sickening snap and splintering wood.

A choked cry of pain. Ragged, wheezing breathing. The mouthwatering scent of blood. Faltering heartbeats.

AN: Many thanks to Gaunty for betaing! Also thanks to glitchfarming for the idea that Ulfric could have pulled his gag out if he really wanted to.

Coming up next: Vampire versus dragon.