Chapter 21: Into the Soul Cairn
Serana's nails dug into her palm, pinpricks of pain alerting her to the abrupt absence of the soul gem. 'Good.' The Ideal Masters had taken the bait. She relaxed her hand and briefly inspected the indentations left in her palm. No blood, only a rapidly fading bruise from her tight grip on something precious. She'd soon heal. There was no sunlight in the Soul Cairn - just faintly purple light from whatever shed it in here. Serana resisted the temptation to look up and see where it came from. She had to keep her eyes on her feet. Fortunately the floating staircase continued downward, a relief considering she hadn't been entirely sure she'd find anything underfoot inside the portal. She took another step forwards, clearing space for Sithia to follow her.
Sithia's heartbeat heralded her entry. Serana turned, concerned when it skipped a beat. Sithia staggered. Serana quickly reached out to steady her; there was no railing to keep her from plummeting off the steps.
"Are you all right?"
Sithia met her concerned gaze, her eyes glazed over with pain. "They took it, didn't they."
"Well, yes. Part of your soul was offered to them, so it's hardly surprising that they took it. I think my mother will know how to get it back."
Sithia heaved a ragged breath. "I hope so. Now that it's gone, I don't feel so good."
"Are you all right to continue?" Serana fought the urge to shove Sithia straight back through the portal. Returning to Tamriel surely wouldn't help. The problem was part of her soul had been claimed and hoarded away from Sithia by the Ideal Masters. No; they had to find, reclaim, and make Sithia's soul whole again. Somehow.
"Yes." Sithia shrugged off her arm and took a tentative step forward, looking around them. "Let's just find your mother and the Scroll and get out of here."
"If you're sure."
Sithia took a few more steps down their floating stairs. "As sure as I can be in this place. Look at it."
Serana reluctantly obeyed and took in their surroundings. The Soul Cairn could charitably be described as a desolate wasteland. The ground looked like some kind of sand from a distance, dotted with dead trees and weird grey tubular growths. Perhaps some kind of fungus. Black stone towers loomed above the trees, level with their floating stairway if not taller. Windows or large holes gaped at the top of the towers, making Serana feel as if the towers themselves were watching them. In the distance purple light soared from some towers into the sky.
Serana's eyes widened. She looked up. The sky… It was largely overcast, but directly above was a black void, the purple light from the towers swirling into it. Was that where the Ideal Masters really were? Was the purple light the soul energy in this place? Was the fragment of Sithia's soul in danger of being consumed if they couldn't get it back soon? Serana could only hope her mother knew. And that they could find her as soon as possible.
Serana shivered at the sight. "What kind of place is this?"
Sithia could only shrug and continued down the steps.
Thunder rumbled overhead, accompanied a second later by a flash of lightning. No rain fell, and the clouds didn't even look thick enough for it.
As they reached the end of the floating steps Serana caught sight of some of the imprisoned soul leftovers. They loitered around, glowing faintly purple, looking rather like ghosts. She shuddered at the thought of being trapped for eternity in this horrible place and carefully kept that to herself. It would be beyond tactless to mention it, with Sithia looking so intently at every soul she could see, mingled dread and hope in her gaze. One of them might be her late husband…
Serana didn't know what to hope for; whether it'd be better for Sithia to find him or not.
Sithia stepped down off the stone steps onto the ground. Serana was surprised to hear a quiet crunch under Sithia's Muffled boots. That wasn't sand. Serana crouched down and picked up a handful of what turned out to be crushed bone. It must have shifted underfoot more than the average ground surface, rendering the boots' enchantment less effective.
"What is it?" Sithia asked. She'd wrenched her eyes away from the souls and turned to look at Serana.
Serana stood up, fully a head taller than Sithia on the step. "The ground. It's bone. Or was, once." She let the handful trickle between her fingers before Sithia could ask her to collect some for alchemy supplies.
"Hmm. Wonder what sort." Sithia dragged a foot through it, watching how it behaved rather like sand. She was definitely preoccupied. Perhaps uncertain whether this powdered bone would be any use for her alchemy; she didn't try to collect any of it. She shrugged. "Not that it really matters. I trust your mother's stocks more than this random stuff."
Sithia glanced up at the portal, no doubt thinking of the reagents for the taking through there. Serana followed her gaze, but to check on the stability of the portal itself rather than in longing for the room beyond. It still glowed reassuringly, with no worrying fluctuations in intensity. Hopefully that would remain the case until after they retrieved the Scroll. If only she had some idea how long it would stay open… Her mother's formula had been intended to sustain it indefinitely according to her journal, but had her mother closed her own portal herself after fleeing into the Soul Cairn or had it eventually collapsed? Perhaps it was best not to think about it. All they could do was get this over with as soon as possible.
Unfortunately she might have to disappoint Sithia by insisting as gently as possible that they couldn't go looking for Tiber's soul if they didn't encounter him while finding Valerica. Hopefully she wouldn't need to say anything. Hopefully fate wasn't so cruel that Sithia wouldn't have the chance to say goodbye.
"What's this stuff?" Sithia pointed at one of the weird grey tubes that were possibly fungi.
Serana joined Sithia on the rough carpet of crushed bone. They wandered over for a closer look at the strange hollow grey tubes, reaching about waist high. Every step Serana took came with the bone crunching underfoot as her weight crushed it further, with a faint echo escaping Sithia's muffled boots. It was like walking on sand, harder work than on firm earth or stone. It also stank horribly with each step coming with the stench of dry death and something like rotten eggs. No doubt it didn't smell as bad to Sithia's mere mortal nose, but that wasn't something Serana should hold against her.
Sithia of course took a sample of the weird fungi, stashing it in the pack Serana carried.
"All right, I know we can't dawdle. But you can't expect me not to take some samples of really weird things."
"I'm at least resigned to it by now. Come on, this way." At least it was fairly obvious where to go with one relatively well marked road, partially lined with low broken walls of the same black stone as the towers.
It also helped that there wasn't much in the way of wind in the Soul Cairn, just occasional breaths of it like dying gasps, fortunately nowhere near strong enough to erase footprints in the crushed bone. The set of boot prints Serana found herself following weren't necessarily her mother's, but they seemed to come from her mother's portal, so they were worth tracking.
"Does your mother have the same boots as you?"
Serana frowned at Sithia's question. "I think so?" It had been a long time and her last memories of her mother were a little foggy from her long sleep. She thought about it until a little more clarity returned with more memories. "Yes. The same gifted cobbler made them."
"You're certainly leaving an identical set of prints to those." Sithia pointed at where Serana had been walking, and then ahead at the footprints. "Unless you've secretly been here before and forgot to mention it, I think it's a safe bet that we're following in her footprints."
"I hope so. And no, I've never been here before and I never want to be here again."
"Likewise," Sithia muttered. "This isn't pleasant even going by the standards of a plane of Oblivion."
Serana grimaced. "Coldharbour's worse. You'd agree if you'd been conscious."
"Wait, what? When have I been to Coldharbour?"
"When my father banished you. His method of banishment drags the unfortunate target through Coldharbour before they reappear outside his castle. That said, they're fortunate if they reappear in Tamriel. A daedroth almost snatched you up."
"I… see. Thanks, I'm guessing you saved my sorry hide that time."
Serana nodded, waving away Sithia's thanks. "It was the least I could do."
"I don't suppose you could banish your father in the same way? Give him some comeuppance."
Serana flinched. "No. That's far too risky, he could drag us with him far too easily. Besides, no one deserves to be stranded in Coldharbour. Not even him."
"That and he's still your father and you care about him," Sithia murmured. "Sorry. I shouldn't have asked."
"After what he did to you, it's justified. He deserves the same experience you had."
"True, but it's still a painful topic for you, so let's drop the matter."
That and talking was distracting them a bit from following her mother's trail, so Serana let a companionable silence fall. They passed some squat angular buildings made from the same black stone as every other structure in the Soul Cairn. There were also some fissures in the ground with pale purple light leaking out of them, accompanied by a faint hissing.
Sithia pointed at the fissures. "Those remind me of the Aalto. Without the hot springs, or the plants, or the trees, or the life in general. But those? Without the glow, they could come straight from Eastmarch."
"This is part of Oblivion, so everything has to come from somewhere else. The Daedra - or Ideal Masters in this case - aren't exactly creative like that," Serana said.
"Hm. True. Although it smells worse here. I thought it was bad enough in the Aalto with the rotten egg stench there. This has that, but something else in the mix too… Must be worse for you with your nose."
"It is. The 'something else' is the scent of dry death after rotting, as far as I can tell. There are worse things, but it's still hardly pleasant. Let's try to handle this quickly. I can't imagine choosing to come here: my mother must have been terrified."
It wasn't just the smell making the place so unpleasant, of course. It was the unnatural sky, the grim surroundings, the very atmosphere nightmarish. That and the souls scattered around, watching them but with little interest, as if the Soul Cairn just sucked away their ability to feel anything but the desolation in their eyes. Sithia looked hard at each they passed, her eyes searching their features. Undoubtedly keeping her eyes open for her dead husband.
Serana wished she knew what he looked like, if only to make the search a little easier for Sithia. It felt a little tactless to ask though, so Serana kept her ears open instead. For the souls talked to themselves, hopefully too quietly for Sithia to hear at this distance. They either fixated on how they'd ended up in the Soul Cairn or made despairing comments about their existence in the dreadful place:
"A soul gem… that's what it was. Then… I must be… Oh, no."
"Stay away from the Oblivion Gate, I told them. Did they listen? Of course not." Now that tidbit was interesting, as the Gate mentioned was probably from the Oblivion Crisis she had learned about since her release from Dimhollow. That implied souls harvested in another plane of Oblivion (or at least by the denizens of the Deadlands) still ended up in the Soul Cairn. Yet her own soul would probably still be bound for Coldharbour even if she had the misfortune to die here. Serana made a mental note of that and eavesdropped on some more unfortunate souls:
"All I said to Potema was I thought she looked a little portly in that gown. How was I supposed to know?"
"Madness. It was madness to attack that coven of witches! Why didn't they listen to me?"
"This accursed place is nothing but a prison without walls."
"No one ever escapes. There is no escape. Why would you even try?"
"I no longer hunger, grow weary or feel anything but loneliness."
"Stay away from the crystals or you might find yourself becoming one of us." That soul was at least capable of noticing them and wasn't just addressing itself.
"I thought death was a release, not an eternity of torment."
Serana winced. She felt terrible for the souls anyway, but even worse after hearing their words. Trapped here for all eternity and apparently still conscious enough to suffer, despite just being leftovers of souls mostly used up to power enchantments. She kept such musings to herself rather than saying it to Sithia, considering Tiber was now one of those lost leftover souls.
Sithia said something, her tone of voice making it a question. Serana concentrated, she'd caught the gist of it, she just needed to bring her focus back to Sithia from where her mind had been on the souls.
"Serana?"
"Souls, was that? Why they're collecting them?"
"Yes. Is the smell so bad here it's distracting you?" Sithia sounded bleakly amused, her eyes straying back to the souls.
"Everything about this place is bad enough to distract me. Sorry. I swear you usually get my undivided attention."
"It's fine. I'm pretty distracted myself. I think we both know why."
"Your husband and the partial soul trap. I understand. And I'm sorry."
"Not your fault. Let's keep going."
"All right. But I might as well answer your question about the souls as much as I can. Because no one knows for sure. It's not about domination like with Molag Bal and the souls he hoards. There's lots of theories regarding the Ideal Masters. Some say they feed on souls like I feed on blood. Others think they use them as payment to an even higher power… almost like a currency. A very strange currency. Whatever they're doing with them, they've been harvesting for millennia. No telling how many souls are trapped here." Serana put a tentative comforting hand on Sithia's shoulder. "We might not come across Tiber. I'm sorry."
"I know. And I know we can't spare the time to search for him, besides looking at souls we happen to pass. It might even be better if we don't find him. Seeing me alive might only torture him more."
"Or it might give you both closure. It's not wrong to want to see him again."
Sithia nodded jerkily. "Thanks." She inhaled raggedly. "I honestly don't know if I dread it more than I want it. His death haunts my nightmares. Doubtless meeting him as one of these despondent souls will add some variety to those nightmares. Yet you're right: there would be closure."
Serana didn't know what to say to that. She just gave Sithia's shoulder a squeeze and bent to kiss her, softly and gently. Sithia stretched up on tiptoe to kiss her back, a little harder.
Sithia drew away soon after. "Nice as that was, we'd better get going."
They walked on. The landscape didn't change much, besides occasional intact bones scattered around, half buried in the crushed bone. The intact ones were always big, like mammoth ribcages. Serana idly wondered how they'd ended up here. Were they real or just copies for the look of the thing? Did the same thing go for the crushed bone too? Yet it smelled real enough. If anything it smelled worse than the real thing.
There were standing stones dotted around too, made of something dark that seemed to absorb the purplish light. Something about them reminded Serana of gravestones, despite being a different shape than most gravestones she'd seen. The larger ones were particularly different, with a circle worn through the top of them, resembling the towers scattered about the grim plane of Oblivion.
Other creepy things, besides the bones and the standing stones, were some craters with eerie purple light shining from them, also hissing like the fissures.
Sithia tapped her on the shoulder, making her jump at the unexpected contact. The Soul Cairn had her on edge.
"What is it?" Serana kept her eyes scanning their surroundings for any dangerous undead. She could feel their presence but muted somehow, as if the Ideal Masters didn't want her to know exactly where they were.
Sithia cleared her throat awkwardly. "This is far too late to ask, really, but… Are you sure Valerica has the Elder Scroll?"
"No, but there's no way she would have left it in Tamriel. She wanted to get it as far away from my father as possible. I can't imagine a better place."
"And if she doesn't?"
"Then we find out where she hid it. If she's still alive. Well, as alive as she was before. Or is now. Or… you know what I mean." Serana sighed, exasperated with herself for fumbling over her mother's undead nature.
"Why not hide it in the Soul Cairn and then return?"
"Probably to avoid whatever my father would do to her if he could get his hands on her. Or maybe her plan was to come back, but she was stuck here. We won't know until we find her. Come to that, let's keep moving, I feel like we're being watched." Serana shuddered. They'd slowed down to talk as they walked. "You might think a vampire would be right at home in this place. You'd be wrong. Let's just find my mother and get out of here, quickly."
"Point taken. Although I don't think anything is at home here, least of all anything that isn't dead."
They followed the path for a few minutes in silence, passing more souls bemoaning their fate.
"Not that the trapped leftovers of souls are happy here either," Sithia added, revealing that even mortal hearing was good enough to catch the souls' words.
"I wonder if even the Ideal Masters are, wherever and whatever they—" Serana cut herself off at some telltale creaking of bone on bone. Any undead here besides the souls were sure to be hostile and possibly dangerous even to a Daughter of Coldharbour. She readied a spike of frost magic in each hand.
"What is it?" Sithia drew her sword even as she asked. "Ah. Skeletons."
There were only two of them, with strangely black bones, wielding ancient Nord weapons. They didn't fall apart instantly on being struck either, confirming Serana's suspicion that they were more dangerous, although still relatively easy to deal with. Once put down, they didn't fall into scattered bones like reanimated skeletons in Tamriel, instead collapsing into smoke. They left a pool of black ooze on the crushed bone ground, shining like oil.
"That's… different." Sithia poked the pool of slime with a gloved finger. "Like ectoplasm, but much darker. Wonder if it's worth collecting some, see if it'll make any useful potions."
'Alchemists…' Serana watched in morbid fascination as Sithia inspected the ooze. "You're not going to taste it, are you?"
Sithia scooped up some of the slime into a small bottle. "Not yet. Better wait until I get the rest of my soul back and we're out of here."
If they could. Serana didn't care to admit that she wasn't entirely sure how they'd get that part of Sithia's soul back. She couldn't imagine the Ideal Masters would make it easy.
After Sithia put the bottle of black skeleton slime into the pack Serana carried, they continued on. Their path led them to a gap in the angular black walls blocking off the area where their portal opened. Two towers with spiked roofs stood at the end of the walls, either side of their road. Serana eyed them carefully, committing them to memory. They should serve as landmarks to help guide them safely back to the portal.
"Wait, please!" A hollow voice called from behind as they walked between the towers.
Serana turned to see a soul approaching them, arms raised beseechingly.
"Help me find my Arvak!"
"Your what?" Sithia didn't sound nearly as put out as she usually did by strangers asking her for favours. Odd. Maybe she just felt more sympathy for the poor souls here than she did for most people in Tamriel.
"My horse, Arvak," the soul said, and spilled his sorry story. It seemed his horse had been trapped here with him, but had been spooked into running off after being attacked by the undead of the Soul Cairn. That implied that while white souls could end up here, perhaps they weren't supposed to, and they were fair play for the black skeletons to torment.
The soul wandered off, calling for his Arvak, before Serana could assure him they'd keep their eyes open for a stray horse. Perhaps souls only had limited attention spans?
Sithia watched him go, her eyes troubled. "He seemed more aware than most souls here. Of us, I mean. Yet he's still… Well. It just doesn't bode well if we find Tiber." She shuddered, inhaled deeply, and continued on.
Valerica's footprints continued beyond the gap, winding through an archway ahead cut through a squat block of black stone, and going towards two of the tall towers with the light soaring upwards. They were part of a large building with the towers crumbling away into rubble floating above them.
As they got closer to the archway, Serana noticed another lost soul leaning against the outside wall. At first glance, Serana thought it an exceptionally tall Nord, but then she saw the points to the soul's ears. She had no idea that an Altmer could be that muscled and burly. This elf must have been a warrior, not a mage - or not just a mage.
Sithia stopped dead, staring at the lost soul, who straightened up and started walking towards them.
"Sithia?" His voice was just as hollow as the other souls, seeming to come from a distance.
"Tiber…"
They closed the distance at a run, arms open. Only for Sithia to almost fall flat on her face when she passed straight through her husband's soul. She skidded to a stop, crushed bone underfoot scattering, and cursed viciously under her breath.
Turning to face one other, they could only look longingly and reach out to brush hands. Again only for flesh to pass through whatever insubstantial matter made up a soul. Not that it stopped them from trying again and again… Perhaps there was some sensation? Serana guessed Sithia might feel the chill of the dead, while Tiber felt the heat of the living.
"I never thought I'd see you again, Void bound as you are; a child of Sithis." There was no condemnation in Tiber's voice, only mingled resignation and disbelief.
"That makes two of us. Until very recently I thought you were in Aetherius. I'm sorry, Tiber. I had no idea using the soul gem would send you here."
"It's not your fault. The only way it could be is if you soul trapped me in the first place, and a Thalmor Justiciar did that." Tiber cleared his throat and rubbed the back of his neck. It seemed his demise was something he felt self conscious about, or even outright embarrassed.
"Anyway, who's this?" He spared a glance for Serana, then blinked and narrowed his eyes. He returned his penetrating gaze to his wife. "I see you still need a keeper. Really, Sithia? A vampire is hardly the safest company." He looked Serana up and down. "Although I can see how she may have convinced you."
Sithia's eyes widened at his bitter rebuke, before glaring at him, jaw set, arms folded. "Tiber, I love you, but you need to be quiet and listen to me. Serana's saved my life several times over, and you also need to remember that I'm hardly safe company either."
Tiber raised his eyebrows. "Is that so? It sounds likely that you needed someone to watch your back in my absence. In which case…" He turned back to Serana. "I'm sorry. It seems I owe you a debt of gratitude for taking care of my wife." He took her hand and kissed the back of it, very gentlemanly.
Wait. What?! He'd touched her.
It seemed the same revelation hit them all at the same time. They were all staring at Tiber's hand, still holding Serana's.
"How…" Tiber muttered.
Sithia reached over. Her hand once again passed straight through Tiber's but of course could hold Serana's. She held on tighter than normal, but not painfully so. "Damn it. Why?"
"Maybe because we're both dead. I'm sorry," Serana murmured.
"You're sorry?" Sithia said and gave Serana an incredulous look. "It's hardly your fault."
"I still feel bad about it. It's not fair that I can touch your husband and you can't. But then again…" Serana hesitated, and bit her lip before continuing: "Maybe you could."
"If you turned me, you mean." Sithia stepped closer, eyes conflicted, but clearly more tempted than she'd ever been to take Serana up on undeath.
Tiber staggered back, releasing Serana's hand. "No. No, no, no. Not now. Fuck. No. No!"
"It's my choice to make, Tiber."
"It's not about the vampirism, love." Tiber looked away, his hands clenching at his sides. "It's something else. I'm sorry. It's too late."
"Tiber? What's wrong?"
Serana flinched. She'd never heard so much dread in Sithia's voice.
Tiber wouldn't look at either of them. "You've seen the black skeletal warriors? They were once souls. I think… I think that's happening to me. Ever since I arrived here… I could feel something… twisting inside. Something wrong. Tainting me. It's only getting worse. Much worse."
Serana had to admit Tiber didn't look like the other souls, darkening as if soaking up the dark purple light.
"Tiber, please don't do this," Sithia begged. Serana flinched. She never wanted to hear Sithia's voice so plaintive and despairing at the same time.
"I don't have any choice. No more than I did when I died. I'm sorry, Sithia. You're going to have to put me out of my misery once I become what I'm doomed to. That or have Serana do it for you. I expect… knowing you… you'll do it. Release me. True… death… will be… a kindness. Sweet… release… Fare—" His words came with what seemed to be great effort as he darkened further with each one until he looked more shadow than soul. Until his last word was cut off. Farewell?
His head snapped back and a hollow snarl came out. Lightning flashed down and struck him, leaving Sithia and Serana unharmed if flinching. Once her eyes recovered enough to see him, Serana saw that his shape had reformed, clad in the same sort of armour as draugr. That wasn't the only similarity to an undead ancient Nord - his face became like a draugr's too, skin stretched tight over bones. The only differences were his pointed ears, and his skin and armour as dark as the black skeletons. A battleaxe formed in his hands, black as the rest of him.
Serana braced herself to do as Tiber had asked, if Sithia couldn't bear to do it herself. Knowing Sithia, stubborn to the end, she'd be the one to do it. Still, Serana had to be ready.
What had been Tiber raised the axe, ready to swing at them. Sithia darted in before Serana could step forward. Dragonbane cut through the black draugr as easily as it did through dragons. He dissolved into another pool of the dark ectoplasm stuff.
Sithia sheathed Dragonbane, then collapsed onto her knees next to what was left of Tiber, stifling a howl of rage and grief against her forearm. They weren't safe here. It wasn't safe to truly vent her feelings. Serana couldn't help but feel grateful that Sithia knew that, it meant she didn't need to intervene. Or at least not by gagging her poor Dragonborn. Sithia's shoulders shook with suppressed sobs. Serana pulled her up and into her arms, holding her close until this second storm of grief passed. It didn't take long.
"I'm sorry," Serana murmured as Sithia pulled away, swiping at her eyes.
"Please stop apologising for things that aren't your fault."
Serana squashed the urge to apologise for apologising. That could wait for when Sithia could be playfully irritated, definitely not now.
"Are you sure you're all right to continue?"
"I have to be. Focusing on the task at hand has to help, right?"
"I hope so." Serana couldn't help but let some of the doubt she felt slip into her voice. Surely the thing to do now was retreat out of the Soul Cairn and let Sithia grieve properly?
"Come on," Sithia insisted, past Tiber's remains. And other remains come to that: piles of bones. Mostly man or mer, but a few dragon bones too, including a skull half buried in a pile of smaller bones.
They carried on, following in Valerica's footprints, through another archway, and across a platform. Beyond it stood more standing stones, lightning striking some of them just off the path. With every step they drew closer to the building with the light soaring from the two central towers.
Ominous creaking sounded from within the standing stones. Sithia touched Dragonbane's hilt, then snatched her hand away from it with a flinch at another lightning strike nearby.
"I have no idea if shock enchantments attract lightning. I know metal things can, so…" Purple light flared in her palm as she summoned a Bound Sword. Sithia almost dropped it when it materialised in her hand within the same heartbeat. She stared at it, and well she might: it looked real, gleaming ebony dripping with Daedric bloodied runes.
"Huh. Looks like your Bound Swords come from somewhere near here in Oblivion," Serana observed.
"It has weight and everything. If this doesn't bugger off back to wherever it came from, I could make so much from selling it…" Sithia's usual excitement at the prospect of making gold was understandably muted.
The black skeletons creaking from within the standing stones emerged. Sithia and Serana made short work of them, and soon there were five more pools of black ooze.
To Sithia's disappointment her Bound Sword soon vanished. "Damn it. So much for making more gold."
They passed through one last squat archway, and then uphill to the building with the towers. It looked like a fortress, looming above them. Serana froze. She couldn't believe her ears. It was Valerica's voice, humming a melancholic lullaby from Serana's childhood, so long ago. It sounded so much sadder and haunting, perhaps just from being in the Soul Cairn, but maybe, just maybe, it was Valerica's regret permeating it. Maybe she missed Serana. Maybe she'd never wanted to leave Serana locked away—
Serana flinched at the memory of the monolith she'd been entombed in. 'No. Think about anything else. Anything.'
Sithia grabbed her hand and tugged her towards the building. "Come on. We're nearly there. Hopefully."
"We are. I can hear her voice."
"Then what are we waiting for? You're not nervous, are you? She can't treat you any worse than your father did, right?"
"She probably won't be thrilled to see me considering what she'll think the implications are, but… No, you're right. Let's go." Serana started to run closer, only to skid to a halt.
Sithia still held her hand and came close to falling with the sudden stop. "What now?"
"My mother has been without blood all this time. I know that she's clearly survived well enough to still use her voice, and can survive indefinitely without blood if she really needs to—" Serana winced, the mere thought was torture. "—but vampires aren't meant to go without blood, even ones as powerful as we are. I might need to keep her from draining you dry. Stay back until I'm sure it's safe."
Sithia released Serana's hand and at least stayed behind her, but stubbornly followed her up the staircase leading to the fortress. Some sort of purple magical barrier blocked the entrance to it, flanked by piles of bones. It had to mute sound a bit, and definitely blocked scent, at least for Serana, for not far beyond the barrier and beside two massively tall doors into the building stood…
"Mother? Mother!"
She hadn't changed a bit since Serana had last seen her. The same hair style like miniature beehives, the same outfit matching Serana's but in purple. The same unhappy expression on her face, the same hunted tension around her eyes, now widened at the sight of Serana beyond the barrier. Her humming of the lullaby faltered and stopped.
"Maker… It can't be. Serana?!"
Serana tried not to cringe at how dismayed her mother sounded. That really wasn't what she'd been hoping for, but she'd been expecting it.
Valerica walked quickly to just the other side of the barrier. Serana ran to stand as close to her as she could, tentatively touching the barrier. It felt solid. She pushed to absolutely no effect. Whatever the barrier was, it had to be impenetrable, or her mother wouldn't be inside it.
"Is it really you? I can't believe it! How do we get inside? We have to talk." Serana spoke fast, hoping to forestall her mother's inevitable disapproval. Of course it didn't work.
"Serana? What are you doing here? Where's your father?" At the cutting sharpness to Valerica's voice, especially when asking about Harkon, Serana had to wonder if she'd imagined the longing in that lullaby. Valerica showed no sign of being remotely pleased to see her.
'Hello to you too, Mother. It's so good to see you. I missed you.' Serana bit back a sigh. Having either parent express that sentiment in return seemed too much to ask for.
"He doesn't know we're here. I don't have time to explain." Again, she attempted to derail her mother's displeasure.
"I must have failed. Harkon's found a way to decipher the prophecy, hasn't he."
Serana winced at the sheer despair in her mother's voice. Despite her disappointment at the reunion so far, she felt the need to try to reassure her. "No, you've got it all wrong. We're here to stop him, to make everything right."
Valerica didn't even respond to her, instead looking behind her. At Sithia. The barrier had to block scent both ways, or she'd surely have noticed such a tasty morsel before. "Wait a moment… We? You've brought a stranger here? Have you lost your mind?"
"No, you don't—"
Valerica didn't even let Serana finish. It was as if she hadn't spoken. Infuriating. "You. Come forward. I would speak with you."
Sithia hesitated, but did as she was bid.
"So how does it come to pass that a vampire hunter is in the company of my daughter?"
Sithia raised an eyebrow. "What makes you think I'm a vampire hunter?"
"I know when I see one. I see it in your eyes. It pains me to think you'd travel with Serana under the guise of her protector in an effort to hunt me down."
"You think a lot of yourself if you think I came all the way here just to hunt you. I do admittedly hunt many things. But not your daughter. I've been keeping her safe. Or trying to."
Serana stifled an unladylike snort. Sithia trying to keep her safe? More like the other way around! Admittedly Sithia had saved her more than once but it still paled in comparison to the number of times Serana had done the saving.
"Safe?" Valerica scoffed. "You call bringing her here safe? Has she explained nothing to you? Coming from one who murders vampires as a trade, I find it hard to believe your intentions are noble."
"I'd hesitate to call anything I do noble," Sithia muttered under her breath. She cleared her throat and raised her voice: "This is no ruse. I want to keep her safe."
"Serana has sacrificed everything to prevent Harkon from completing the prophecy. I would have expected her to explain that to you." Valerica spared a single exasperated look at Serana before returning her attention to Sithia. Serana bristled, torn between her own exasperation and bafflement. What was her mother talking about?
"That's why we're here for the Elder Scroll." Sithia glanced at Serana, clearly some question on her mind. Maybe the mention of Serana sacrificing something. That made two of them, Serana wasn't sure what her mother meant.
"You think I'd have the audacity to place my own daughter in that tomb for the protection of her Elder Scroll alone? The Scrolls are merely a means to an end. The key to the Tyranny of the Sun is Serana herself." Valerica pointed at Serana.
'What?!' Her mother had completely failed to mention that fact to Serana. Had Valerica forgotten that, trapped so long in here?
"What do you mean?" Sithia demanded.
Valerica smiled thinly. "When I fled Castle Volkihar, I fled with two Elder Scrolls. The Scroll I presume you found with Serana speaks of Auriel and his arcane weapon, Auriel's Bow. The second Scroll declares that 'The Blood of Coldharbour's Daughter will blind the eye of the Dragon.' "
For Valerica to know what the Scrolls said in such detail… That meant her mother had read the Scrolls. And retained both her sight and sanity. Mostly sanity, at least. After hearing what Dexion had to say about how subjects of a prophecy could safely read Elder Scrolls containing it, Serana had wondered. But surely Valerica hadn't known, and to take such a risk… She must've been so consumed by her hatred of Harkon.
Serana flinched. If Harkon ever found out that he needed the blood of a Daughter of Coldharbour to put the sun out - clearly what was meant by blinding the eye of the Dragon - Serana was as good as dead. She was the most accessible bearer of said blood. That she was his daughter wouldn't matter, certainly not after she'd betrayed him in his eyes.
"What's that got to do with Serana?" Sithia sounded suspicious. No wonder, as Serana had already mentioned being a Daughter of Coldharbour to her.
"Like myself, Serana was human once. We were devout followers of Lord Molag Bal. Tradition dictates the females be offered to Molag Bal on his summoning day. Few survive the ordeal. Those that do emerge as a pure-blooded vampire. We call such confluences the 'Daughters of Coldharbour.' "
Serana had no idea how her mother could sound so cold and clinical about that, unless it was the only way she could talk about it?
"Was Serana given a choice? Tradition doesn't leave much room for that in my experience."
Serana flinched at Sithia's question, right to the heart of the matter. Refusing to take part in that degrading ritual hadn't been an option. Not if she'd wanted her father to live.
Valerica glared at Sithia. "It was expected of her, just as it was expected of me. Being selected as an offering to Molag Bal is an honour. She wouldn't have dared turn her back on that."
"An honour." Sithia's voice trembled, caught between horror, rage and disgust. Serana winced, although it wasn't directed at her but at her mother. "Do you seriously still believe that?"
Valerica folded her arms defensively. "To be a Daughter of Coldharbour is the greatest honour to a vampire."
"Yet not to the human you were. Sounds to me like you're trying to convince yourself of that 'honour'. And that Serana wasn't willing. I'm not entirely convinced that you were either."
"I was. I had to be." Valerica shook herself, and her eyes narrowed. "Not that it's any of your business, mortal. Do not dare to judge me, or my daughter."
"I think Serana knows I don't judge her. As for you, seems you deserve more than just judgement after giving your daughter to the King of Rape and calling it an honour, you fucking—"
"Sithia, don't." Serana laid a hand on Sithia's arm. "Just drop it. We have other things to talk about than what we can't change."
Sithia growled but reluctantly subsided. "If you insist. So the Tyranny of the Sun requires Serana's blood?"
Valerica nodded. "Now you're beginning to see why I wanted to protect Serana, and why I've kept the other Elder Scroll as far from her as possible."
"Are you saying Harkon means to kill her?"
"If Harkon obtained Auriel's Bow and Serana's blood was used to taint the weapon, the Tyranny of the Sun would be complete. In his eyes, she'd be dying for the good of all vampires."
"Over my dead body."
Serana stifled a whimper. Saying that was tempting fate.
"And how exactly do you plan on stopping him?" Valerica's voice dripped with condescension.
"I'll kill Harkon if I have to."
Serana swallowed hard. He had to die. She knew that. She'd suspected as much ever since his obsession took hold, but Sithia saying that hammered it home. Either she had to help Sithia kill him, or she might have to do it herself. Kill her own father…
Valerica shook her head. "If you believe that, then you're a bigger fool than I originally suspected. Don't you think I weighed that option before I enacted my plans?" Her words were laced with contempt.
"Says the fool stuck behind a barrier in this miserable plane of Oblivion!"
Serana groaned. It had clearly been far too much to hope for them to get along.
Sithia looked back at her, wincing. "Sorry, sorry. What do you think? What do we do?"
Before Serana could reply, Valerica scoffed. "You care nothing for Serana or our plight. You're here because we're abominations in your mind. Evil creatures that need to be destroyed."
Sithia turned back to Valerica, arms folded. "Serana knows otherwise."
Valerica finally turned her attention back to Serana. "Serana? This stranger aligns herself with those that would hunt you down and slay you like an animal, yet I should entrust you to her?"
Stranger? The word touched a nerve. Serana stepped in front of Sithia, right next to the barrier, barely keeping her fangs sheathed. "This 'stranger' has done more for me in the brief time I've known her than you've done in centuries!"
Valerica blinked, shock fast turning to fury. "How dare you! I gave up everything I cared about to protect you from that fanatic you call a father!"
"Yes, he's a fanatic… he's changed. But he's still my father. Why can't you understand how that makes me feel?"
"Oh, Serana. If you'd only open your eyes. The moment your father discovers your role in the prophecy, that he needs your blood, you'd be in terrible danger." The tone of Valerica's voice made her words that much more infuriating, suffusing them with condescension. As if Serana's judgement couldn't be trusted. As if she couldn't see the danger of her own father.
"So to protect me you decided to shut me away from everything I cared about? You never asked me if hiding me in that tomb was the best course of action, you just expected me to follow you blindly. Both of you were obsessed with your own paths. Your motivations might have been different, but in the end I'm still just a pawn to you too."
Valerica looked stricken at Serana's words. 'Good.'
Serana's voice trembled a little as she continued: "I want us to be a family again. But I don't know if we can ever have that. Maybe we don't deserve that kind of happiness. Maybe it isn't for us. But we have to stop him. Before he goes too far. And to do that we need the Elder Scroll."
"I'm sorry, Serana. I didn't know… I didn't see. I've allowed my hatred of your father to estrange us for too long. Forgive me. If you want the Elder Scroll, it's yours." All condescension had left Valerica's voice. She reached out, pressing a palm against the barrier. Serana slowly pressed hers to it. She could only feel the bone deep hum of the magic. But the longing in her mother's eyes made up for it.
Valerica sighed, lowering her hand. She turned to Sithia. "Your intentions are still somewhat unclear to me. But for Serana's sake, I'll assist you in any way that I can."
Sithia glanced beyond Valerica into the shadows of the fortress. "Do you have the Elder Scroll with you?"
"Yes. I've kept it safely secured here ever since I was imprisoned. Fortunately, you're in a position to breach the barrier that surrounds these ruins."
"What do we need to do?" Sithia sounded resigned. No, that wasn't quite right. She sounded tired. Once again doubt plagued Serana. And fear. Sithia wasn't at her best, what if breaching the barrier was too much for her?
"You need to locate the tallest of the rocky spires that surround these ruins."
"The ones with the light coming off them, like here?"
"Yes. At their bases, the barrier's energy is being drawn from unfortunate souls that have been exiled here. Destroy the Keepers that are tending them, and it should bring the barrier down."
Sithia nodded and turned on her heel, already walking away towards the nearest spire. Serana gave her mother a parting wave and followed.
Valerica called after them. "One more word of warning. There's a dragon that calls himself Durnehviir roaming the Cairn. Be wary of him. The Ideal Masters have charged him with overseeing the Keepers, and will undoubtedly intervene if you're perceived as a threat."
"Great, just what we need," Sithia muttered. She raised her voice and called back: "Dragons aren't a problem to me." She sounded more confident than Serana knew she really was.
Valerica looked taken aback. Serana didn't pause to explain Sithia's comment. All would become clear once the barrier was down and didn't block scent of dragon blood any more. She caught up with Sithia without looking back again at her mother.
They headed directly for the first Keeper's spire, cutting straight across the wasteland rather than following the road. The crushed bone underfoot was no harder to follow; no path here was terribly well trod. Serana waited until they were out of Valerica's earshot before she said anything. There wasn't really any reason, but it felt awkward to do so where her mother could hear.
"Let's kill those Keeper things and get back to my mother. I can't believe we found her alive." Serana paused, suddenly aware again that her mother technically hadn't been alive for a very long time. "Well, you know what I mean."
"Yeah. And for what it's worth, I'm sorry that killing your father seems a necessity. I know that can't have been easy to hear. But no one threatens your life."
"I know. Let's… Let's talk about something else." Serana cleared her throat. Maybe one day she'd be ready to bring up dealing with her father, but that wasn't today. Or tonight. Or whatever time it was back on Nirn.
"All right." It didn't take Sithia long to pick a different subject. "How are you feeling after talking to your mother?"
"Relieved, I think. All those things had been building for a while. You have no idea how long I wanted to say that to her."
"Why did you agree to her plan?"
Serana sighed. "Look, I loved my father, but when he found that prophecy… That became his life. Everything else, even me and my mother, we just became clutter. I was close with my mother, but she just kept feeding me her opinions of him, and eventually I started believing them."
"She doesn't seem too fond of him."
"The moment we gave ourselves to Molag Bal, things got really icy between them. That he remained a devout follower after that ritual couldn't have helped, while both my mother and I… lapsed. But the real problem was that they were both drunk with power, and pulling in different directions. Then he found that prophecy, and that was it."
"And you were caught in the middle."
"I was. Honestly, it took me up until now to figure out that my mother was really just as bad as he was. He was obsessed with power. She was obsessed with seeing him fail. It was just so… toxic. Maybe I could have seen this coming. We could all be better off now."
"Would they have listened to you? Somehow I doubt it."
"Probably not," Serana admitted ruefully.
"Then you shouldn't blame yourself."
"I know that in my head. But I just can't help feeling bad about the way things are. Sorry, I know you're trying to help. Thanks."
"No problem."
"Anyway, we should keep going. The sooner we get out of this place, the better."
They trudged on, crushed bone occasionally creaking underfoot, almost like there were more skeletons around, but far quieter.
As they skirted a building with what looked like a massive soul gem floating on top of it, Sithia spoke: "Your choker…"
"What about it?" Serana hoped this wasn't going where she thought it was.
"It's not a choker, is it?"
'Damn it.'
"No." Serana sighed and looked away. "As you've probably guessed, it's a…"
'A collar. A mark of ownership.' She flinched away from the thought.
"A souvenir from the ritual." Serana wasn't sure that was a suitable term, but it would have to do. "That's why my mother has one too. Something given to all Daughters of Coldharbour, I think. Not that I've met any others. We're pretty rare. There aren't many women who worship Molag Bal, and even fewer who'd go that far to earn original vampirism direct from the source. Survivors of that ritual are almost unheard of. Just as well, or it'd be much easier for my father."
"From what your mother said, your father might not know he needs a Daughter of Coldharbour to sacrifice."
"I don't know. He's had a long time to find that out, and he's certainly trying to have me captured alive."
"Did you know?" Sithia didn't sound like she believed Serana could have known. Good, it meant she hadn't fallen in her opinion.
"That he'd sacrifice me for what he sees as the greater good? Despite what my mother implied, she didn't tell me. I'm not stupid. Not that stupid, anyway." She cleared her throat. "Stupid enough to go back with a Scroll that might've been the only thing he needed except for my mother's or my own blood. Thanks for not telling my mother about that, by the way."
"The way I see it, it's her own fault for not telling you exactly why you had to leave."
They walked on in silence for a while. Serana found the silence oppressive and glanced at Sithia. She raised an eyebrow at her Dragonborn's troubled frown. "Something bothering you?"
"Was Harkon there during the ritual?"
Serana looked away, pushing away the dark memory. Her father, forced to watch as—
She shuddered. "Yes. Why?"
"Did he also have to go through the same thing with Molag Bal?"
"Maybe?"
"You don't know?" Sithia looked as puzzled as she sounded.
"I was… given to Him first. I've no idea what happened after that. I'd rather not know, really. Can we please talk about something else?" Serana wished she'd asked that sooner, but considering everything Sithia had told her, it only seemed fair to be as open as possible.
"As you wish… I've heard that the court wizard in Morthal can cure vampirism."
Serana stopped dead. "Why are you telling me this?"
Sithia paused too, turning to face her with crossed arms. "Because it would be safer for you and for Nirn if we deprived your father of a Daughter of Coldharbour."
"You do have a point," Serana forced herself to admit between clenched teeth. "But I don't have a disease. This is a blessing – a curse if you have to think of it like that – direct from a Daedric Prince, remember? This wizard might be able to cure those thin blooded vampires with a disease, but me? I'm no common vampire. Besides, it might be selfish, but I can't think of any reason why I'd want to give up this gift."
"Even to stop your father and save the world, vampires and mortals alike?"
She had to put it like that, didn't she? "If it was the only way… I would," Serana choked out. She might be selfish, but she wasn't that selfish. "If it was really possible in the first place. But when we can deal with my father once we have the Bow? Never." After everything she'd been through to get her pure vampirism, the thought of throwing it away like that was maddening.
Serana had to breathe deeply to try to calm down, her fangs threatening to slip out. The stench of the Soul Cairn added insult to injury. Once she felt she had a grip on her temper and that her fangs would remain sheathed, she continued:
"Anyway, you heard what my mother said. Few survive the ritual, but if my father finds out that he needs to sacrifice a Daughter of Coldharbour, you can bet he'll persuade some mortals to go through it. He'd get what he needs in the end."
"So your mother was wrong? He wouldn't sacrifice you?"
"I'd like to think he wouldn't but even when he was sane he was impatient. He claims otherwise, but patience was never one of his virtues. You saw him, and you've heard my tragic tale. He values this prophecy more than his family. So, yeah. My mother's right. The moment he hears this and gets his hands on the Bow, I'm as good as dead."
"Then cure yourself."
'Breathe. Keep your fangs to yourself, Serana.' "He'd probably kill me anyway for the insult to his Lord. He still worships Molag Bal. Regardless, I don't want to even if it's possible. I happen to like being a vampire."
"But—"
Breathing exercises were not cutting it anymore, and her fangs slipped out. "I'm not talking about this with you anymore!" It was even more maddening how her fangs made her lisp. Serana stormed away before she gave into the temptation to lash out physically. She trembled with rage and wanted nothing more than to take it out on the cause, but… No. Never. She wasn't that monster. And she'd never hurt Sithia if there was anything she could do to avoid it. She forced her fangs back into their sheaths. "I'm sorry, I know you're only trying to help. Just… Leave me alone for a while."
"All right. I'm sorry too. I don't want you to feel forced to do something you don't want to."
Serana felt like she should have graciously accepted Sithia's apology, or at least acknowledged it. For now she was too angry though. She carried on stalking ahead. After a few minutes of tense, uncomfortable silence as they walked through the bleak wilderness of the Soul Cairn, Serana stopped and waited for Sithia to catch up. They were nearly at what must be the first Keeper's spire, she had to crane her head back to see the light streaming from the top.
Guilt was a cold, heavy hand around her heart – she could hear Sithia's unsteady breathing and racing heart. She'd forgotten how weakened Sithia was by the partial Soul Trap. She cursed herself for not thinking to ask her mother how to fix that. What sort of friend did that? Besides one rather distracted by finding her mother at last.
She waited until Sithia was no longer doubled over, gasping for air, before speaking. "Does it bother you that I'm a vampire?"
Sithia looked up sharply and stared incredulously. "Yes, very much so, that's why I let you feed from me." She rolled her eyes. "Of course it doesn't, you idiot. If you don't want to try to cure yourself, that's fine. We'll deal with this stupid prophecy some other way. Let's find your mother's Keepers and get this over with. The sooner I'm out of here, the better."
Now that was considerably more snappish than Sithia usually was, at least with Serana. Everyone else, not so much. Serana wasn't used to receiving the sharp side of Sithia's tongue, but didn't take it personally. After all, there was probably a reason for it…
"Are you all right?"
"I'm fine," Sithia bit out, even more harshly.
Serana raised a sceptical eyebrow. Unless she was imagining things, the shadows under Sithia's eyes were darker than they'd been before going through the portal.
Sithia sighed between her teeth, almost a hiss. "I feel like I've managed to get every disease out there at the same time. Happy?"
"I'm sorry." The guilt tightened its grip again. "I never should have asked you to come with me." She kicked herself anew for forgetting to ask her mother how to get the rest of Sithia's soul back.
"Like I told you before, I wasn't about to let you go alone! I'll be fine. Besides, at least this way I did get to say goodbye to Tiber." Her voice broke on his name. "I just hope we don't meet this dragon your mother mentioned. And that these Keepers aren't too much trouble. It's not like they're armoured giants, though, right?"
AN: Apologies for yet another long wait for an update. Life has an unfortunate habit of happening, and things haven't exactly been conducive to writing during the pandemic. The good news is that I've got more chapters written and almost ready to post, so there should only be a short wait for the next few chapters. I might even manage to complete Doom Driven this year if all goes well.
Thanks to Gaunty for betaing, and for the concept that a Bound Sword is easier to summon when in Oblivion and might even be a real Daedric sword, and for the idea of Valerica doing that lullaby.