Chapter Eight
ZERO

Heero had spent the evening sitting on his bed, the door wide open so he could have a clear view of Serena's room. It had been hours since she had gone to lie down. Doctor J left shortly after their argument. Heero assumed that J felt he didn't need to remain. Although Heero would've liked him to stay, just in case Serena needed medical assistants, despite his feelings towards his old mentor. But it seemed this was something that was a common occurrence for Serena. The headaches she would get, if you could even call them that, only occurred when a possible memory was trying to emerge.

Heero had tried to work on some reports but had quickly given up. Waiting for Serena wasn't his favorite pastime, but he couldn't concentrate on anything. Heero had debated going into her room when he heard the door crack open. Serena emerged, looking like she was fighting a hangover rather than a headache. Their eyes locked, and Heero said the only thing that could describe her at that moment.

"You look like shit." Serena sent him a glare after the words left his mouth.

"Have you been waiting this whole time?" She asked. Heero nodded his head. Sighing, Serena brought a hand to her head. "It's one in the morning. You should be asleep."

"Does it always take this long for the headaches to go away?"

"Pretty much," Serena said. "By the way, you look like shit yourself." The corners of her lips turned up.

Heero didn't think much of it until the weight of tiredness set in. He had been worrying more than he cared to admit. His mind had gone through all the possibilities, weighing their options. Everything was a risk, but maybe Doctor J had a point. Were those risks worth it in the long run?

"You should get some rest. I'll be fine," Serena said as she started to walk away from their rooms. Heero jumped up, following after her.

"You should rest. There's no need to-"

"I need to use the bathroom," Serena said, cutting him off with a pointed look. "Pretty sure I can handle that."

Heero watched Serena walk into the bathroom, shutting the door behind her. A few minutes later, she stepped out, her face was slightly wet, and some of her hair was clinging to her skin.

"Are you alright?"

"Yeah," Serena said. "I'm going to make some coffee. Do you want some?" Heero frowned at her.

"You need to take it easy, Serena."

"I'll be fine," Serena said. "All I've been doing is resting." She turned on her heel, making her way down the hallway. Sighing to himself, Heero followed after her.

They had been sitting across from each other for almost half an hour. Heero hadn't said a word to Serena, and it was starting to irk her that he was watching her. He had accepted a cup of coffee, and she assumed an onslaught of questions would follow.

But Heero didn't question her.

Serena had broken their eye contact as she stared down at the black liquid in her mug. She was trying not to let what had happened early bother her, but it wasn't helping that Heero was studying her. Not to mention the past few days hadn't been easy for her.

Doctor J had refused to let her do anything, which wasn't helping her mood. Serena knew she was anxiously awaiting Heero's arrival. She didn't know what to fully expect when Heero arrived, but part of her was nervous about meeting him in person. Serena knew that she could trust him, and deep inside of herself, she knew who Heero was. Unfortunately, Serena still couldn't place him within her mind. Heero appeared to be the same in person as he was when she spoke to him over video calls. It wasn't bad in Serena's eyes, but it made trying to figure him out a little more complicated.

It didn't help that the last few days, Serena had been trying more to remember something akin to her old life. Whenever she felt something, Serena would focus on it and try and see where the thought would take her. At times, it felt like Serena was experiencing deja vu more frequently. She would be doing something, and without warning, something would stop her in her tracks and remind her that she had done this particular thing before. Or she would be daydreaming for no reason other than pure boredom, and something would surface, only to disappear before Serena would analyze it more.

But that was when the headaches would come. While they paralyzed Serena for a few hours, she knew they were caused by her mind working to awaken itself. It gave her some hope that she would eventually regain her lost memories. It was another reason why Serena kept trying as hard as she was to remember.

Like the photo of Trowa that Heero had on his laptop.

Serena knew without any doubt that Trowa was the person in her dreams. But that wasn't the only time she felt something and knew it had been a male who had said something to her or touched her in a way that would pull her mind back to a different time. Doctor J would comment on something while placing his hand on her shoulder to gain her attention further. Even when Heero grabbed her arm, her mind went to a different time, but Serena knew it didn't have anything to do with Trowa. It felt more like something someone else had done. Maybe it could have even been Heero.

But what Serena couldn't shake was when she was asleep. She would be in some other world, in some place that wasn't familiar to her, but she swore that the person with her would say something. A ghost of a whisper, but Serena could never fully understand what was being said. Sometimes she would hear the voice during her wake time. It drove her crazy, not knowing who was speaking or what they were saying. But why was it happening?

Serena brought her eyes up to meet Heero's. She tried to keep her face neutral like Heero was. But when their eyes locked, Heero frowned at her before masking his features again.

"What's on your mind?" Serena asked, a slight edge of annoyance laced in her voice. She tried to remind herself it wasn't Heero's fault she was in a foul mood. But he wasn't helping either.

"Nothing," Heero said, taking a sip of his coffee.

"You've been staring at me since we sat down." Serena narrowed her eyes. "Don't lie either."

"I'm questioning whether or not the ZERO system is a good idea," Heero said as he set his cup down.

"What!?"

"There are risks involved that may not be worth taking," Heero calmly said.

"Of course, there are risks!" Serena stood, her palms planted firmly on the table. "I'm not a complete idiot, Heero!"

"There's a reason there's information missing from your files."

Serena stared at Heero. Like Doctor J, Heero knew more than he was sharing with her. It was another part of everything that irked her. Why wasn't anyone being truthful with her?

"What information?" Serena questioned.

"J felt it necessary to not include those things," Heero said.

"Then what aren't you telling me?" Heero turned his head away from her. Serena straightened herself, balling her fists at her sides. "Tell me what's missing from my file."

"I can't tell you," Heero said, turning his head back towards her.

"Why not?" Serena watched as a dark shadow fell over Heero's face. She couldn't understand why Heero wouldn't tell her at first, but looking at him now, Serena wondered if she even wanted to know. She had yet to see Heero look at her the way he was now.

"I don't think you truly understand what's at stake here. There's a possibility it could do more harm than good," Heero said after a moment. Ignoring her initial question altogether. "We don't even know if the information can be recovered from the computer system J has."

"You're letting Doctor J get to you," Serena growled. "I thought you were on my side."

"I am on your side. I'm just worried this won't work, and if it does..." Heero trailed off.

"We won't know unless we try," Serena huffed, crossing her arms over her chest. Averting her eyes from him. "If it does work, does it really matter? Isn't that the point of all of this? So that I'm able to remember?"

The room fell into silence. Serena wondered what Heero was thinking, she didn't want to look at him to try and figure it out. She had every intention of standing her ground about the subject. This was her only chance. If things didn't work out the way she was hoping, Serena knew she would have to accept the fact that she would be stuck like this. Possibly for forever.

"If you truly want to do this, then we'll move forward with it," Heero said, breaking the silence.

"I don't want to be stuck like this anymore." Serena could see the frown on his face from the corner of her eyes.

"Then we'll do this," Heero said. Serena snapped her head back to him. "Let's go find J. I'm sure he's still awake."

Several hours later, Heero and Serena stood in the lab, listening to J explain how everything would work. When they first found Doctor J, he was sitting at his computer working on a program that could potentially retrieve the data from the ZERO system onboard Kibou. Heero and Serena stayed close by as J worked. Heero had offered to help, but Doctor J refused, stating they only had one chance to do this. The data needed to be transferred without errors if they wanted to proceed with the plan. Despite what Heero had initially assumed, Doctor J had reprogrammed the ZERO system with the hope it would restore Serena's memory long before he even arrived on L1. Now all that was left was to try and retrieve everything from the ZERO systems Serena had used.

From what Heero gathered, the system would run through all of Serena's memories that J had backed up previously and everything he had been able to obtain from Kibuo's system. Heero didn't know how much data that was. Because the system could rapidly scan through everything, it was estimated it would take no more than five minutes to complete.

Five minutes. That's all it would take.

A lifetime of memories reduced to measly five minutes. Heero couldn't believe it, but when he questioned it, Heero had forgotten that Serena's time in the world hadn't been as long as his. Thus the number of memories she had wasn't as many as his.

After another lengthy discussion on whether or not Serena should do it, Heero volunteered to try and see if it would even work. Doctor J had questioned his action repeatedly, but Heero didn't want Serena to give up her hopes if she tried it and it didn't work.

Doctor J had redesigned the original helmet designed for the ZERO system. It reminded Heero of the one Treize created for the Epyon, minus the clear visor. Shaking the thoughts away and his experience using the Eypon system, Heero placed the helmet over his head.

Heero settled himself in for either what would be a wild ride or a failed attempt at restoring Serena's memories. He heard Doctor J ask if he was ready. Nodding his head, Heero waited. Slowly the program started to load. Various screens flashed, then it hit him, and hard.

Snippets of her life, thoughts, and feelings flooded his mind within seconds. Heero gritted his teeth, his hands clenched in his lap. He wasn't prepared for the assault he was experiencing. Everything came at him quickly, but Heero didn't miss a beat of what he was seeing or feeling. It was like being transported back in time, but he was the one reliving it.

Every emotion Serena ever felt. Every good and bad thing that had happened to her attacked him. Heero saw everything she had gone through with J from the moment she opened her eyes for the first time until her move to ROE. Serena's time with Doctor J hadn't been as terrible as Heero once thought. J had been hard on her, but Serena had more freedom than he ever had. She went out, not for long periods, but Serena was allowed to explore the world, L1 at least. They lived a simple life outside of her training. For the most part, Serena seemed content.

Serena had spent her free time learning about all of them. Reading and watching each of their files. Similar to what Heero was doing now. Serena studied everything she could get her hands on. But her motives behind it weren't what Heero had envisioned. Serena did it as part of her training, but during her free time… she did it because she was lonely.

Serena knew she was different. There was a disconnect between her and other people. Heero realized Serena spent so much time learning about them because she didn't want to be alone. Something Heero had once felt but learned to live with that feeling until his whole world changed...

Then there was Edwards. Heero felt sick to his stomach as every interaction Serena ever had with the man passed over his eyes. But it was worse than he thought. Heero knew about the drugging and rapes, but he didn't know how often Edwards used Serena to make better connections. How many other men she had been forced to pleasure for his gain? Edwards had complete power over her and used it to his advantage.

Including all the people Serena was forced to kill.

He watched as she retreated into herself, darkness so heavy he understood why death looked pretty. Her thoughts twisted and obscured by pain and suffering. He couldn't blame her for all the times she thought about ending it all… and all the times she tried to but ultimately failed.

Then something changed when she met all of them. Serena saw the opportunity and seized it. She didn't understand how to get them to understand, but rather how to get him to understand. Internally, Serena had been pleading with him, even when they fought. Heero understood now how badly she wanted that connection with him. Serena had been correct. He understood her better than anyone because they were the same. Heero was her one chance to feel something akin to normalcy. Someone who understood her thoughts and feelings… and he had turned his back on her.

Heero felt ashamed of himself at that moment. It was something Heero was still struggling with but now witnessing it from her perspective made it worse. Serena never deserved anything she had gone through, and she certainly didn't deserve the pain he caused her.

But then there was Trowa.

The system slowed, almost as if these moments were of importance. Heero studied as much as he could as he watched their relationship develop.

Trowa was different, Serena had figured that out rather quickly, but she once again struggled with her feelings about the situation. Trowa made her feel strange, a sensation she had never felt before. The more the memories flooded Heero's mind, the more he started to understand what Serena was feeling.

Then there was the kiss. And from there, Heero knew he was about to see more than he bargained for. Heero learned more about Trowa than he ever cared to know… things Heero wished he didn't know, but it was too late. Then emotions took over him, none of which were his own. Or at least that's what Heero thought. Serena's thoughts were confusing, and at the same time, she craved whatever she was feeling.

Trowa had provoked something within her with every look, touch, and kiss. Something Heero had experienced himself, but with Relena. Trowa made her feel alive and happy. Her mood had drastically changed when she had started living with him. And slowly but surely, Serena showed Trowa who she really was. Who she had always wanted to be.

Serena was carefree and laid back. She smiled easily around Trowa and laughed without worry. Trowa was everything Serena never knew she wanted or needed. He showed her what life was supposed to be like. Trowa opened his home and heart to her, and Serena accepted, against her judgment of what could happen. All because she wanted to decide for herself what she should experience for once in her life. And she had fallen in love with him.

It had been everything Heero had gone through with Relena… what he shared with her now. It made him think that maybe at the end of the day… they both just wanted to be loved by someone.

Then it was over. The system shut down, and Heero ripped the helmet off his head. His breathing was heavy as Heero tried to sort through his thoughts, memories that weren't his but now were engraved in his mind. He looked up at Serena, who was staring at him wide-eyed.

Shaking his head, Heero tried to rid himself of the thoughts. Slowly his own feelings returned along with his guilt.

Heero regretted it so much. He needed to make things right between them. Looking back at Serena, Heero didn't know if he could ever look at her the same. But there was one thing he knew for sure, everything was changing from that moment on.

"What?" Serena asked, taking a few steps towards him. "Did it work?"

"Yeah," Heero stood, mentally shaking himself. "It works."

"Then why are you staring at me like that?"

"I know more about you than I should," Heero grimaced.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Serena asked. Heero didn't respond, only shaking his head at her.

"So it works," J mussed. "This should be interesting. Shall we give Serena a try now?"

Serena sat in the chair. Her hands fiddled with her shirt as J worked on restarting the program. Heero kept his eyes on Serena. He knew she was nervous. He understood, but Heero wasn't sure how he could help Serena to calm her nerves. When Doctor J gave the all-clear, he handed Serena the helmet. Taking a deep breath, she placed it over her head. She sat still, waiting.

It only took a few seconds before Heero noticed the first signs that the program was running. Serena had flinched, then after the seconds ticked by, her hands began to clench and unclench.

As the minutes went on, Heero could see that Serena was showing signs of distress… but was it worth pulling the plug and stopping the ZERO system?

Heero eyed the clock, noticing it had already been five minutes, and the file should've been done loading.

"Why is it taking longer?" Heero asked.

"Not sure, but it's about fifty percent complete," J said as he looked at Serena, then back to his screen. "We should just let it finish."

Heero turned his attention back to Serena. Her chest rose and fell rapidly with every breath she took. Serena was panicking. Heero glanced back at the computer screen only to see the percentage had reached seventy-eight percent. Looking back at Serena, he battled with himself over shutting everything down. He waited a few more minutes, but when Serena started shaking, it was when he decided they needed to end it.

Before Heero could reach Serena, she placed her hands on the helmet, ripping it off her head and throwing it to the ground. Heero moved to her side when she stood. Her hands shook as Serena brought them to her head. Her eyes were wide as she stared at the ground. Her breathing was labored.

"Serena?" Heero tried to keep the worry out of his voice, but something wasn't right.

"It hurts," Serena said, clutching her head. "The pain…"

"You should-" Heero started to say before her eyes rolled back as her body went limp. Without a second thought, Heero grabbed her, but Serena was already falling forward. Twisting his body, he sent them both falling backward. Heero braced himself as he hit the ground. Serena's body fell on top of his.

After a few moments, Heero got them in a seated position, adjusting Serena in his lap. He checked her pulse and her breathing. Her heart was racing, and her breathing had become shallow.

"This was what I was afraid of," Doctor J mumbled as he came to stand next to them. "Get her on the table. Let's see how bad the damage is."

Heero barely suppressed the growl threatening to escape. Doing as he was told, Heero cradled Serena in his arms. When he stood, Heero made his way over to the exam table, where he carefully placed her.

A/N

Happy Chapter Eight!

I apologize for the delayed upload. The kiddo was feeling under the weather so I decided to postpone the chapter.

For those of you who have read this chapter before, you already knew about the first twist in the story. But I also threw in some new things to add to the chapter. Hope you caught on to those! For those of you, who are reading this for the first time, did you expect the twist at the end? Does everything that was hinted at thus far between Heero and Serena make sense now? Hmm, do I dare say we can assume some things now that we know both Heero and Serena used the same ZERO system? Luckily for all of you, you'll find out if our assumptions are correct in next week's chapter, Awaken. I mean we know Serena turns out fine... or as fine as she's going to be, but this chapter may have hinted at why Serena was not thrilled to learn after the fact that Heero and Relena were engaged and she didn't know because certain information is "spotty at best."

I'm going to keep my note short and sweet this time. Only because I want to get this uploaded right away now that I've had the opportunity to do my final edit. Just remember to take in all the information that was given in this chapter. While you may remember a lot of it from the first story, there are things that will come into play later on in the story. Get your red strings out and work on mapping everything together thus far and where things may go in the future!

Until next week, take care!
-MM

PS. Let's give some credit to Treize and his Gundam Dealership. Not only did he create the Epyon, but he was like "let's load up some new features on this bad boy. Oh! Let's give him the Epyon system!" *Jazz hands*