All hail my wonder beta (and friend), the lovely Crackers, who has returned from her Adventure, and is again editing this story. :)
Chapter Ten
The soft knock and even softer click brought Maedhros's head up as Failien entered his cell, something rather routine, though he was surprised to see her: he had thought it would only be Mairon from now on.
"Hello, Failien," Maedhros said, deciding he could be polite. She was a rather nice Maia, after all. "How are you today?"
"Very well, thank you," she replied with a smile. "Yourself?"
"About as well as can be expected, I suppose," Maedhros replied, tiring slightly of the pleasantries. "To be honest, I didn't think I would see you anymore, since Mairon started coming."
"Mairon will still be coming by, but he's with his brother today, I believe," Failien replied.
"Ah," Maedhros said. "Well, that's good." He paused for a moment, thinking.
"Failien, may I ask you a question?" he finally said.
"Of course," she replied, slightly surprised.
"Well, I was talking to Mairon about the war against Morgoth, and he pointed out to me that the Ainur had lost quite a bit before we Quendi were even aware there was a war. So if it's not too personal…what did you lose?" Maedhros asked. Failien sighed softly and sat down in a chair, across from where Maedhros's seat on the bed.
"The time we spent trying to prepare Arda…it was exciting," she said. "Yet it was also full of uncertainty. You could work on something for years as we measure them now, and find it ruined and gone before you could grasp what was happening. Or…someone could be there one day and be gone the next. I suppose I was lucky. I was neither powerful enough nor 'important' enough—as Melkor measured things—to ever be a target of his. But if he took anyone, they were either rescued quickly, or the next we saw them, they had joined Melkor to save themselves. Or they came back so damaged they would never heal…" Her voice trailed off.
"And we never were quite sure whom to trust. We knew there were spies among us, but it was so hard to distrust everyone that most of us…didn't. One of my best friends was named Nullalínë. She served Lady Vairë. Then one day…she was gone, and we learned that she had turned to Melkor. The next time I saw her…Well, she deserved the name of Ungoliant."
"That—" Maedhros broke his words off sharply. He doubted this Maia would appreciate her one-time friend being called a thing.
"She was a Maia?" he said instead. "Yet she nearly brought down Morgoth himself?"
"She had grown strong on the light from the Trees, stronger than she normally would have been," Failien replied. "But also, the Melkor you knew was a pale shadow of the threat we once faced. He poured much of his strength into his armies, and into Arda itself. Once…not even all the Valar together could match him in strength, though once Tulkas joined us, it was enough that we were safe from him."
"I had no idea," Maedhros murmured. "Why was this never spoken of?" Failien shrugged.
"I can only speak for myself," she replied. "You are the first to ask."
Maedhros did not know what to say to that. He had never known of anyone asking in his lifetime, at least. But perhaps they did in the beginning, before he was born, but were gently discouraged from their curiosity until they had quit asking. Or perhaps in the beginning they were too shy to ask those powerful beings what their stories were, until they were distracted by the task of building lives for themselves, and they came to feel they knew the Valar, and had never bothered to ask. He could see both as equally likely.
"I think it would have been better if we had known," Maedhros finally said. "Perhaps things would have been different." Failien shot him an amused look.
"Do you really think anything would have changed your father's mind?" she asked.
"No," Maedhros replied honestly. "But it might have changed mine." He was joking, he knew. He had valued what his father thought too much to have ever not sworn that Oath. But he might have done things in Beleriand a bit differently if he had known what he knew now. He might have planned differently when he had agreed to first treat with the fallen Vala for one…
"Well, the past is done and cannot be changed," Failien said. "And despite all the mistakes that have been made, the war has finally been won, and we can all live in peace."
Everyone who is living, Maedhros thought with tired sarcasm.
"I suppose," was all he said. Failien seemed to sense that he was done talking, and rose gracefully.
"I suppose I should go see if any of the rest of your family will be willing to listen to me," she said.
"Good luck," Maedhros replied. Failien shot him a surprisingly sparkling grin.
"Thank you," she said, suppressed laughter in her voice. "I do believe I will need it." Maedhros actually laughed at that. Failien truly wasn't too bad, Maedhros decided as the Maia left. He supposed he wouldn't mind it too badly if she continued to come when Mairon was unavailable.
As Failien had thought, Mairon was spending his time off with Olórin. And when the older Maia had suggested a visit to Lady Nienna, Mairon had agreed cheerfully. They both thought themselves to Lady Nienna's mansion on the shores of the Western Sea, where they were met by Nenírien, Nienna's chief Maia.
"Hello Olórin, Mairon," she said, smiling serenely.
"Hello Nenírien," Olórin replied, Mairon echoing him.
"My Lady Nienna is upstairs on the stargazing platform," Nenírien informed them.
"Thank you," Olórin replied. "Why don't you go pay our respects, Mairon. I want to say hello to Almárëa and Milyamë, and then I'll come up as well."
"Alright," Mairon said cheerfully. He knew that Olórin was maneuvering him to spend time alone with Nienna, but he didn't mind. He valued the Valië's wisdom and missed being able to speak with her about the problems he was facing. He would return the favor later, and allow Olórin time alone with Nienna as well. His older brother would benefit from it, and he too valued her wisdom.
Mairon confidently wound his way up the stairs leading to the roof. He knew the way well, having spent quite a bit of time on the roof while he lived here. Emerging, he smiled as Nienna turned around, and bowed briefly.
"My lady," he said courteously.
"Hello Mairon," Nienna said with a smile of her own. "It is good to see you again." She moved forward and pulled Mairon in to a hug, which he happily returned.
"I am glad to see you too," Mairon replied. Nienna gently led him to a bench where they both sat.
"How are you doing?" Nienna asked, her tone indicating that this was more than a common pleasantry. Mairon sighed and leaned into her. Nienna wrapped an arm around him.
"You've heard what's going on?" he asked quietly.
"Yes, I have," Nienna assured him.
"I just don't understand, my lady," Mairon sighed, curling into her embrace. "It's not like I'm ever really around them! I spend most of my time in Mandos, and the rest with Olórin or Eönwë. Why is that so intolerable for them?"
"I don't think it is that, Mairon," Nienna said gently. "They are not angry at what you are doing. In fact, I'm not sure they are even truly mad at you. They are angry at us for pardoning you."
"But why?" Mairon asked in confusion.
"Because they wish for vengeance," Nienna replied. "They are blinded by their hatred." She sighed softly.
"All of us, Mairon, have the capability for good or evil within us," she explained. "It is the price of being. Atar did not want us to be puppets, controlled solely by His will. So He gave us the ability to refuse His will, allowing us to truly be. We become those traits we choose to nurture. Melkor chose to nurture his pride, and his feeling of entitlement, and eventually, his hatred, his cruelty, his greed—and so became the monster he did. Manwë, though they were similar in the beginning, chose to nurture instead his compassion, his humility, his wisdom, and his obedience to Atar.
"One became a great king…the other, a fallen tyrant," she finished, looking so sad that Mairon spoke before he thought.
"Is that why you mourn, my lady?" he asked, before blushing furiously.
"I'm sorry, that was too personal…" he began to apologize, but Nienna stilled him with a gentle smile and a finger to his lips.
"I love who he once was, not the monster he has become," she explained quietly.
"I don't think he loved anyone…" Mairon whispered, looking at his hands. "I so desperately wanted him to…" He broke off and sighed.
"I suppose in a perfect world he would have loved us both," he finished, a little louder.
"In a perfect world, then, you would be like a child to me, as well as him," Nienna answered. "This world is not perfect, but we two could have what we might have had, if you would like." Mairon's answering smile was brilliant.
"I would like that," he said shyly.
"So would I, my son," Nienna replied with a warm smile. "I am very glad you are serving my little brother. You already seem happier than when I saw you last."
"I am," Mairon admitted. "I am making friends, and I do not think that any of those who serve my Lord Námo or Lady Vairë believe the rumors. They are not acting any differently around me, anyway."
"No, I do not believe they would," Nienna replied. "Or, if they were unsure, they would ask Vairë or Námo, both of whom would quickly set them straight." Mairon nodded.
"Lord Námo told me to remember that there are many who love me, and not to give those who are spreading such rumors any heed," he replied.
"My little brother is very wise," Nienna said, then gave Mairon a wink.
"I beat it into his head," she whispered. Mairon giggled.
"I think Milyamë has made something special for you," Nienna said, speaking normally and changing the subject. Mairon looked intrigued.
"What?" he asked.
"Let's go find out," the Valië replied, rising to her feet and giving a hand to Mairon. They set off down the stairs, heading for the kitchen. As they got closer, Mairon began to smell the tantalizing aromas of spices: cinnamon, and nutmeg, and ginger…
"Gingersnaps!" Mairon exclaimed as they entered the kitchen. Milyamë chuckled.
"Yes, indeed!" she replied. "Do you still like them as much as you did?" Mairon nodded, eschewing words in favor of grabbing one from the cooling racks and beginning to eat it.
"Is Olórin not with you?" Milyamë asked curiously. "I told him he could not have any until you got here."
"No, we have not seen him," Nienna answered, as Mairon had his mouth full of cookie.
"You must have passed each other, then," Milyamë replied. "He just headed up for the roof."
"I'll go find him then, and let him know there are cookies," Nienna replied. "Stay here and enjoy, Mairon."
"I will," Mairon said cheerfully. Nienna headed back up towards the roof, glad for a chance to talk to Olórin alone. She doubted he was doing as well as he seemed…
She realized she was right as she made it up to the roof and saw the anger written in every muscle and contour of Olórin's fána as he stared west.
"You are upset, Olórin," Nienna said, coming up behind the Maia. Olórin turned and bowed.
"Upset, my lady?" Olórin replied. "I believe furious might be a better term—though I am trying to hide it for Mairon's sake."
"And yet bottling it up inside will do you harm in the long run," Nienna said mildly.
"I just—how dare they!" Olórin just barely stopped himself from yelling, slamming his fist into the railing.
"After all Mairon has endured, and they dare to spread lies about what was done to him. And those sorts of lies! It's bothering him, I can tell, even though Námo and Vairë and everyone else have worked so hard to remind him that we all love him. But there's nothing more I can do. I've already lost him once, and there was nothing I could do. I can't do that again!"
There were tears in Olórin's voice and eyes by the time he was done speaking, and Nienna pulled him into her embrace, holding him until his weeping slowed.
"You will not lose him again, Olórin," she said firmly. "Your little brother is strong. He knows how to endure. These rumors are bothering him, it is true, but there is a large difference between bothering and breaking. Bothered he is; breaking he is not. You will not lose him again," she repeated. Olórin wiped his eyes.
"These rumors can only be the beginning, though," he said. "I doubt they just wish to harass him. The only thing makes sense is that they want him to retaliate, so that his pardon will be revoked. I doubt they would be willing to rebel as they have for any less cause."
"You are very wise, Olórin," Nienna said. "I do believe you are correct about their motives. But my little brother is—if he hasn't already— going to give Mairon full permission to protect himself, should the need arise. No matter what Mairon does, we will not throw him to the Void. He may be confined to Mandos if the need arises, but we will not condemn him to be Melkor's slave again."
"That is a relief to know," Olórin said quietly. "But if Mairon is attacked…I'm not sure he would defend himself. No matter what his lord tells him." Nienna sighed.
"We are worried about that," she admitted. "But as Mairon himself pointed out, he is generally either in Mandos or with you. He isn't simply wandering around the deserted edges of Valinor by himself." That drew a reluctant laugh from Olórin.
"And know this, Olórin," Nienna added, her voice hardening. "As soon as we know who is behind all this, we will put an end to it."
"That I never doubted, my lady," Olórin said sincerely.
So, I started a new job, and most of my mental energy is going to that. However, I have two more chapters fully written, and hopefully I'll have some more before I catch up to myself with posting...so review and feed the muse?