"Well, if we'd known all we had to do was publicly declare that the rumors were untrue…" Námo drawled.
"Námo, we don't know if it would have had the same effect coming from us," Manwë pointed out with a chuckle.
"I know, I know…" the younger Vala said, waving a hand.
"I'm simply grateful Nyeleccaner did what he did," Varda said calmly. The Valar were in council, discussing Estayávë and what had occurred afterwards.
"As am I," Námo said sincerely. "And I am also grateful to everyone who helped make sure Mairon had a positive experience his first time in public." Murmurs of "you're welcome" were heard around the circle.
"However, we cannot assume this will be the end of it all," Manwë cautioned.
"No, that we cannot," Námo sighed. "And Mairon is aware of the same. He had a conversation with two of Vairë's Maiar, who told him about the incident, and he told them much the same thing. On a positive note, he was able to tell me about the conversation mentally, which is quite a big step for him." The rest of the Valar, who all knew what Melkor had done to the young Maia, brightened at this. Manwë and Eönwë were not alone in viewing Mairon's return as the only unabashedly positive thing that had come out of the war.
"Good," Manwë said with a tender smile. "I am glad he is doing well. And we shall continue to do everything in our power to make it so. Now Irmo," he said, moving on to their next order of business, "about those returning Noldor you feel might benefit from your aid. How do you propose to help them, when they are not to leave Tol Eressëa? Or would you have them come to Lórien regardless?"
Mairon closed his eyes in delight as he breathed deeply of Lórien's green-smelling air. Melian had invited him to lunch, and when he'd asked Istamírë if he could (as Námo and Vairë were in council that morning) she'd simply smiled and shooed him on his way. Walking towards the clearing in the center of the area Melian claimed for her own, he paused suddenly as voices came to his ears.
Slipping silently through the trees, Mairon saw that Melian had apparently carried out her idea to invite her kin to lunch with him: Elwing sat beside her great-grandmother, chatting companionably. Mairon took a slow, deep breath, and let it out silently. He could do this. Hopefully Melian had at least let Elwing know who was expected for lunch…
But he'd recently met Arafinwë again, and Eärwen for the first time, and neither of them had shouted at him…and he'd done far less that directly impacted Elwing. This should be fine.
"Mairon," Melian said, smiling at Mairon as he stepped out from the trees.
"Melyanna," Mairon said, returning her greeting, then inclined his head to Elwing.
"Lady Elwing," he said courteously.
"It is a pleasure to meet you, Mairon," Elwing said with a hesitant smile. "But please, simply call me Elwing." Mairon nodded in acceptance, and seated himself on the other side of Melian.
"So I hear it is due to you that I have finally had the pleasure of hearing my grandmother sing?" Elwing asked when he was seated. She found calling Melian her great-grandmother unwieldy, and habitually shortened it. Mairon chuckled.
"Your great-grandmother," he said dryly, "is a very determined woman. So I merely made sure I got something out of what she wished me to do."
"It was hardly anything at all that I asked for, Mairon," Melian said in exasperation.
"Flowers," Mairon muttered. Melian rolled her eyes as Elwing giggled.
"Most of us were wearing flowers," Melian responded. "It was hardly the monumental task that you are making it out to be."
"Ah, but was singing that much of a 'monumental task'?" Mairon countered. "Do you regret it?" Melian shot him a cool look.
"No," she was forced to admit. Mairon looked smug.
"Then it was an even exchange," he said smoothly. Melian just sighed. Elwing giggled again.
"Well, whatever the reason, I am glad I was finally able to hear you," she told her great-grandmother. "I had grown up hearing stories about how you taught the nightingales to sing, and how beautiful your voice was." Elwing paused a bit, looking saddened by the memories of her too-brief childhood.
"And did it live up to your expectations?" Mairon asked to break her reverie. Elwing looked up and met his gaze.
"Oh, it far surpassed them," she said. "You truly have a wondrous voice, Grandmother."
"Thank you, my dear," Melian said with a gentle smile. "Now, would either of you like some of this salad before it begins to wilt?"
The three companionably set to a lunch of salad, soup, sandwiches, and fruit. Knowing Elwing's story from Melian as he did, Mairon could see she was still markedly fragile, and easily lost in memories that obviously brought her pain. But the two Maiar were not unskilled in guiding a conversation, and both worked to keep the topic light and cheerful. Slowly, a bit more light came to Elwing's eyes.
Mairon too had relaxed when he realized that Elwing was not antagonistic towards him, and he was reclining against a tree as he regaled her with some of the more outrageous pranks he had pulled when he was younger. Melian shot him an amused look.
"And you haven't changed all that much, from what I've heard," she said, mock sternly. "Or did you not turn Olórin green yesterday?" Mairon snickered.
"I was simply following orders," he said in an innocent voice that was utterly ruined by the dancing mischief in his eyes. "My lord had told me to continue to practice implementing strategy. There are very few ways to do so with real stakes here in Valinor."
"I highly doubt that's what Lord Námo meant," Melian said in exasperation. She almost managed to hide her amusement. Elwing didn't even try. Mairon gave her his most innocent expression, using all his acting skill to pull it off without laughing. Melian finally broke under it, and joined Elwing in her laughter. Mairon grinned cheekily, and popped a strawberry into his mouth.
Elwing straightened up, wiping her eyes, and Mairon was pleased to see the light reflecting in her eyes again. In fact, she looked like she was lighting up with a soft shimmering radiance, as she looked past him with a welcoming smile. Then in a flash Mairon realized the light wasn't coming from her, but from behind him—a pure, holy light—Mairon's throat closed with the suddenly all-too-real memories. Conscious thought fled, his only desire to find safety—
"Mairon?"
Mairon clung to his lord, shaking wildly, feeling Námo's arms wrapping around him, despite the Vala's surprise at his sudden appearance. Mairon felt Námo's will encompass him as the Vala thought them both somewhere else close by, then sat down on a couch in his fire lit sitting room, pulling Mairon onto his lap as he reclined slightly. Námo gently rested a hand on the back of Mairon's head where he had buried it into the Vala's chest.
"You're safe, Mairon. You're safe," Námo whispered. "It's alright, little one. I have you. Hush now. You're safe."
Slowly, Námo's quiet voice pulled Mairon back to the present, and with a long sigh, he relaxed, shaking now only with the aftereffects of his terror. Námo gently kissed him, and shifted him to a slightly more comfortable position.
"What happened, little one?" Námo murmured. Mairon swallowed hard.
"I…Melian didn't tell me she'd invited Eärendil," he said. "And he…he came up from behind me, so I did see him….just the-the light."
"Ah," Námo said, a wealth of understanding and sympathy in his tone.
"I overreacted," Mairon said in a whisper.
"Hardly, Mairon," Námo said in a firm tone. "You were suddenly and unexpectedly faced with something directly from the most painful parts of your past. Your reaction was completely valid by what you instinctively believed was happening." Mairon swallowed again, and turned his head to hide his face against Námo's neck.
"Did I interrupt something you were doing?" Mairon asked after he had taken another steadying breath.
"No, my little one," Námo assured him. "I was simply on my way to meet with Istamírë about routine things. It is nothing that cannot wait. And even if you disrupted something else, this would take precedent. It's alright, Mairon. Take the time you need." Mairon nodded, letting the soft crackling of the fire, and Námo's hand gently stroking his hair relax him. Finally, his shaking stopped, and he drifted into a light doze.
Melian and Elwing stared in shock at where Mairon had been sitting just an instant ago. Eärendil came though the last few trees, looking concernedly at them.
"Grandmother?" Elwing asked. "What…?" For Melian had abruptly clenched her eyes and teeth.
"I am a fool," she said harshly. She opened her eyes again to see Elwing and Eärendil both looking at her with confusion and concern.
"I did not tell Mairon either of you were coming," she explained. "I was too afraid that he would decline my invitation if I did." Elwing nodded slowly, still confused.
"He had grown comfortable with me, though," she said. "Surely my husband is not that much more frightening than I am." Melian shook her head.
"He did not see Eärendil," she said. "He saw only the light." Understanding began to dawn on Eärendil's face.
"He fears the Silmaril?" Elwing asked, still highly confused. "They are holy, but…"
"But for most of his experience with them, they were worn by one who was anything but holy," Melian interrupted. Elwing's face suddenly showed her horrified understanding.
"He was startled, could not see Eärendil, and in that instant, must have believed it was Morgoth himself coming up behind him…" Melian shook her head, her anger at herself flaring again. "I am a fool," she muttered again.
"My lord…" she called silently.
"Yes, Melian? You are distressed." Irmo answered her.
"I was a fool, and badly frightened Mairon. Can you inform your brother?" Irmo's mental sense went distant for a moment, before returning his attention to Melian.
"He says Mairon is with him." Melian sagged in relief. Námo would take care of him.
"Good," she replied. "He fled, and I knew not where." Irmo by this point had the gist of what had happened.
"Do not blame yourself too much, Melian," Irmo counseled her. "It is not your fault."
"How is it not?" Melian asked bitterly. "I should have told him."
"Yes, that would have prepared him a bit better," Irmo allowed. "But it was Morgoth who gave him the association he has with those Jewels, not you. Mairon will be fine. Námo will help him feel safe again, and that is all he will need. He was simply frightened, not wounded." Melian's anger abated somewhat in the face of Irmo's counsel. But she would still apologize to Mairon when she saw him again.
"Thank you, my lord," she said. She felt rather than saw Irmo's gentle smile.
"You are quite welcome, child," he said.
Melian sighed, returning her attention to her surroundings. The mental conversation had not taken long, but Eärendil had now taken a seat next to his wife and wrapped an arm around her.
"Well, what is done, is done," Melian said. "Eärendil, you must be hungry. There is still plenty of food left." Eärendil ate, with Elwing and Melian munching on a bit of fruit as he did so. But the light-hearted atmosphere was gone, and Melian was still saddened by the grief she had unwittingly brought upon her young friend.
Mairon woke in Námo's arms and yawned. Lifting his head, he met Námo's assessing gaze.
"How long have I slept?" Mairon asked.
"Only around twenty minutes," Námo answered. "How are you feeling?"
"Much better," Mairon answered. "Only…well…embarrassed. I wish I had not reacted like that." Námo gave him a look.
"Your reaction was completely normal for someone who has been treated as you have, Mairon," he said firmly.
"Yes, but…I don't want to be that way," Mairon said in frustration. He got up and began to pace.
"I don't want to keep reacting in fear to things that are completely normal! I don't want to have to watch what I do and where I go for fear of what ghosts of my past it will raise. I don't want to shy away from your touch, or from having normal mental conversations with people. I'm tired of the wounds, I'm tired of the fear. I want it to stop!" Mairon's tone rose, until the last words were nearly shouted. Námo had stayed quiet, letting the Maia rant, but at the end of this he rose, and caught Mairon in an embrace.
"It will stop, Mairon," he promised him. "It will. But like all healing, it takes time. You know this, little one." Mairon sagged suddenly.
"I know," he said miserably. "But I…I don't want to wait anymore." Námo smiled compassionately at him.
"I know, little one," Námo said. "You are improving significantly. You are so much better than you were when you lived with Nienna. You are becoming stronger emotionally and psychically. I do believe it shouldn't be much longer before I can try to remove some of those blocks on your memory, and repair some of the damage they left. That should help your recovery immensely." Mairon sighed and nodded, recognizing the wisdom in his lord's words. He moved back towards the couch, and as Námo sat down, leaned against the Vala's side. He sat like that in silence for a minute.
"I don't know how to face Eärendil and Elwing again," he finally said.
"Were you enjoying yourself before Eärendil startled you?" Námo asked. Mairon nodded.
"Elwing is very sad," he told his lord. "But I got her to smile and laugh." He grinned as he remembered.
"I told her about all the pranks I pulled on Olórin and Eönwë when I was younger," he explained. Námo raised his eyebrows in mock surprise.
"Not all of them, surely!" he said. "You would still be speaking had you done so." Mairon playfully grimaced at the Vala. Námo chuckled, then grew serious.
"Mairon, Elwing and Eärendil both understand the damage traumatic experiences can leave, and how that damage can surface unexpectedly. Both were leaders of their people after the overthrow of their kingdoms. They, and Melian, will look at what happened with understanding and compassion."
"So you think I should just go back," Mairon sighed.
"Yes," Námo said. "This is not something you want to avoid. Doing so will reinforce your fear of both the situation, and of Eärendil and Elwing. I doubt that is something you want." Mairon silently shook his head.
"I will go," he finally said. Námo could see his fear, but also the Maia's stubborn resolve.
"That's my brave little one," Námo murmured, and hugged him.
Melian looked up from her contemplation of a raspberry at a mental touch not unfamiliar, but not exactly expected.
"Melian?" Námo said.
"Yes, my lord?" she responded.
"Mairon is coming back, but he's rather nervous about it." Melian wordlessly indicated her understanding, and her willingness to ease his return.
"Thank you," Námo told her with a mental smile.
"Mairon is coming back," Melian told Eärendil and Elwing. Elwing looked up and smiled, as soft footsteps were heard, and Mairon hesitantly stepped back into the clearing, wincing a bit at the Light that still illuminated it. Melian stood up and went over to him.
"Mairon," she said. "I have to apologize to you. I…I should have told you Eärendil would be coming too. Will…will you forgive me?" Mairon immediately embraced her.
"Of course, Melyanna," he said. "You didn't mean to frighten me. There is nothing to forgive." Melian hugged her young friend tightly, then released him to take his hand.
"Come and meet Eärendil," she urged gently. She led the way back over to the side of the clearing they all had been picnicking at.
"Lord Eärendil," Mairon said, with a polite nod as he sat.
"Just Eärendil, please, Mairon," Eärendil said with an open and easy smile. Mairon smiled back hesitantly, but it was clear he was still not comfortable with the Silmaril. He seemed to be trying to edge behind Melian while at the same time appear like he wasn't doing so. After asking several more polite questions that Mairon answered in a softer and softer tone, Eärendil finally had enough. Pulling the Silmaril off his brow, he shoved it rather unceremoniously into an inner pocket. Mairon stared at him in disbelief and confusion.
"When I agreed to wear it," Eärendil said in answer to that look, "I agreed to do so as a sign of hope. That light…it's not hope to you, but a memory of darkness and despair. I…that's not who I am, that's not who I want to be…if that makes sense," he finished with a wry smile. "You deserve better."
Mairon stared for a moment more, then lunged at him, hugging him tightly. Eärendil chuckled, and returned the embrace. Finally, Mairon let go, and leaned back into Melian's side. She wrapped an arm around him.
"Mairon," Elwing began, "I've heard you knew my grandparents, but I have no idea how that came to be. I was wondering if you'd be willing to tell me?"
Mairon smiled, remembering his old friends, who had started him down the road that had led him home, and began to speak.
I would love it if you would tell me what you thought of this chapter! This is the last one I have written, and remember, reviews feed the muse!