The evening after Amrod and Amras had confronted their father was quiet. Námo was tired, and Mairon was more than happy to just cuddle in his arms and talk about simple things, with Vairë sitting nearby. The next day was fairly quiet as well, though Olórin came at midday, and Námo, Vairë, Mairon, Olórin, Istamírë, and Failien all had a picnic in the gardens surrounding Mandos to celebrate the twins renouncing their Oath.
"Oh, Mairon," Istamírë said when it was winding down, and most were toying with the food rather than eating it. "I meant to tell you sooner, but I forgot. Almaron and I have put together a good amount of strategy games for tonight. You seemed to enjoy the simpler ones that we brought to Estayávë. Some of the ones we have here are far more complex, and I was wondering if you'd be interested in coming." Mairon looked interested, then flopped backwards to rest his head on Námo's knee.
"Are you going to it?" Mairon asked his lord, who smiled with amusement at his antics.
"If you want to go, I will," Námo said. "If you don't want to, I'm fine staying with you. Istamírë and Almaron set these nights up fairly regularly; if you're not up to it, there will be another one." Mairon considered for a moment.
"I want to go," he decided. "It'll be fun."
"Alright, then," Námo said with a smile. "It will start in the early evening, after everyone has eaten." Mairon grinned lazily.
"I'm not sure I'll want another meal today, after this one!" he said with a hand on his belly. Námo chuckled at that, and ran his hand through the Maia's soft hair.
Mairon ended up napping away the afternoon, and true to his prediction, choose only to have something light for the evening meal. When it was time, Námo and Mairon walked down to the large room these events were always held in. Mairon's eyes were bright and interested, and his face its usual color, the only indication he might have been somewhat nervous the fact he was walking slightly too close to Námo.
Mairon looked around as he and Námo entered the room. Various games were being claimed and assembled by various Maiar, most of whom were Námo's, but there were Maiar there who gave allegiance to others of the Valar.
"Mairon!"
The Maia turned to answer the hail, and found Istamírë waiving at him from a spot on the floor. Her husband Almaron was with her, giving Mairon a small but sincere smile. Námo gave Mairon a soft push between his shoulder blades, and the Maia willingly obeyed, walking over to join the pair.
"Hello, Istamírë, Almaron," he said, his voice only slightly too soft for what the situation called for.
"Hello, little brother," Almaron answered, wrapping a brawny arm around the younger Maia's shoulders and pulling him close as Mairon settled beside him, looking up at Almaron with delight and surprise at the way he'd been addressed. It wasn't uncommon for Maiar who served the same Vala to think of themselves as siblings, and even to refer to themselves as such, but for some reason Mairon had never stopped to think that others of Námo's Maiar might see him in such a light.
"We're glad you felt like joining us, Mairon," Istamírë said with a rich smile. "I think you might really enjoy some of the more complex games we play here. This one is one of my favorites. Would you like to play it with me? I have the feeling it might end up as one of your favorites, too."
"How do you play?" Mairon asked curiously. Istamírë's smile widened, and she launched into an explanation that was remarkably clear and concise for how complex this game proved to be. Mairon listened with interest, realizing with amusement that when Istamírë had said they'd only brought the simple games to Estayávë, she'd meant it. This one had an elaborate system to replicate the true chaos and unpredictability of war, which included dice that would be run by Almaron.
"I'll be impartial," Almaron promised with a small grin as Mairon looked at him with a faintly raised eyebrow at that announcement. He leaned in to whisper in Mairon's ear, carefully just loud enough that Istamírë would hear, "In fact, I'll probably favor you."
Mairon had to snicker, especially when Istamírë mock-glowered at her husband, who gave his best 'who, me?' face in return.
Despite the game's complexity, Mairon soon picked it up, and quickly a mock war was raging across imagined battlefields. Expressions soon turned intent and serious, as while they were still having fun, both Istamírë and Mairon found themselves challenged in ways that were rare for them. Eventually, Istamírë gained the upper hand, but Mairon proved intractable in defeat, making her pay for every yard gained. He also caused as much destruction as possible as he went, in some cases leaving nothing but scorched earth for her armies to find. Finally, though, after an ending that was longer than expected when Mairon sent his last few troops to hide and harass Istamírë's, the game was over.
"Well, you won, my love," Almaron said. "I'm not certain you're going to survive the winter, though." Istamírë shook her head ruefully as she surveyed the massive amount of damage done to the imaginary world.
"I'm not sure I will, either," she agreed dryly. She shot Mairon a look, noting the other Maia's faint smirk. "You don't surrender gracefully, do you." Mairon shrugged and grinned.
"It's just a game," he said cheerfully. "No gain to be had in surrendering." Istamírë laughed.
"I suppose that's one way of looking at it," she agreed. "Would you like to play again?" Mairon thought for a moment, then shook his head no.
"I think I'd rather just watch for a bit," he said. Istamírë nodded.
"I think Failien is just starting one over there," she said, nodding in the direction of her brother's wife. "If it's the one I think it is, you'll enjoy it."
Mairon craned his neck to see, then got up and went over to join them. He watched that game, then played it himself, against Almaron, and beat the other Maia, though it was a struggle. He also faced off against Failien, over yet another game, and won that one as well. Even later, he played Istamírë again, and that game ended in a draw, when both sides had caused enough damage to be unable to continue.
After that, however, it was late, and Mairon sought Námo out again, and curled up in his lap. The Vala had been using Mairon's absorption in the games to spend time with others of his Maiar, but now simply held his youngest in his arms as he sleepily watched Istamírë and Almaron battle it out. When Istamírë squeaked out a victory, continuing her no-loss streak of the night, Mairon finally called it quits, and Námo carried him off to bed.
"He's good," Istamírë said pensively, staring at the door by which Námo and Mairon had just left without truly seeing it. "He's very good. And he's only going to get better."
"Especially if he keeps playing you," Almaron said, wrapping and arm around her and smiling amusedly. Istamírë rolled her eyes at the flattery, but leaned into him and smiled back.
"I wish we'd had him at the beginning," she admitted, her smile fading. "He would have been an incredible help to us and, without meaning offense to Aulë, Námo would never have let him become isolated that way. Melkor wouldn't have been able to manipulate him like he did."
"No, Melkor would have had to use the tactics he did on you, instead," Almaron agreed, with a faint wry note in his voice. "Capture him, and use his loyalty against him."
"And Námo would have gone after him, just like he did for me," Istamírë said with finality in her voice.
"He would have certainly tried to get Mairon back with everything he had," Almaron agreed. "But he might not have managed it. We were so close to truly loosing you. I cannot say with certainty if Mairon had been in your position we would have been able to save him." He looked down at his wife and raised an eyebrow. "Are you sure that your desire to protect him now isn't spilling over into the past?" Istamírë sighed.
"It probably is," she admitted. "I do wish we'd been able to see how much of a target he was. I feel like we should have been able to see it; he was so young, and so powerful. How could he have been anything else but a target?"
"We didn't know that he and Aulë were having such problems," Almaron reminded her. "We didn't hear about that….until Almaren fell, if I'm remembering correctly."
"I think I had heard little rumors, before that," Istamírë replied. "But yes, I think the first time we truly knew that there were problems there was after Almaren fell, and we were working so closely with Nyárë's listeners to try to see if there was anything we could find. We learned that Mairon was estranged from Aulë, and it was suggested the information used to destroy the Lamps could have come from him for that reason. But I could not countenance any action for that reason. One smallest hint that it might have been him, and his life would have been destroyed. I could not do that if he were innocent. If there were even the chance he was innocent. As much as I might wish to change what happened, that was the right choice."
"It was," Almaron agreed. "And we did what we could. We asked Námo to counsel the Valar that they should work on strengthening their relationships with their Maiar, especially those that might not be in good shape. And he did so. Aulë, it appears, did not listen."
"Or didn't know how to," Istamírë murmured. "He was also suddenly busy again, what with building Valinor. There may simply not have been time before Mairon was discovered."
"He should have made time," Almaron said, his voice grim. "He had to have known that the most likely candidates for the spy were among his people. Few else would have known how to bring the Lamps down." Istamírë merely nodded at that, having no rebuttal. She agreed, after all.
"Well," Almaron sighed after a moment. "The past is what it is, and we cannot change it. We do not know what might have happened, after all. What we believe might have made things better might have instead made them worse, for him and us. We have him now, love, and will love and protect him, as will our Lord and his Lady. It will have to be enough."
"Well, it's certainly better than not doing so," Istamírë said dryly, laying her head down on his shoulder. Almaron chuckled.
"It certainly is, at that," he agreed.
Mairon woke, feeling that contentment that comes from waking slowly to the security of a comfortable bed and warm blankets. He stretched languidly and grinned as the memory of the night before came back to him. He hadn't won against Istamírë, no, but she hadn't really either, and while no one had come out and said it, the reactions of the night before told him that she lost rarely, and only to a few people. He'd done very well. It had been very good for him, as well. Amrod and Amras renouncing the Oath was a greater victory, certainly, but he was having problems emotionally claiming it as his. This victory, however, might have just been in play, but it had given him a confidence he'd not had since before the attack. Mairon hummed thoughtfully, thinking, before rolling to face his lord.
"I've made a decision," he said.
"And what is that?" Námo asked, adjusting his hold on the Maia to accommodate his new position.
"We've been talking about leaving Mandos. Maybe going to Olórin's, or Lady Nienna's," Mairon stated.
"Yes, we have," Námo agreed. "Have you made up your mind where you want to go?"
"Yes," Mairon said determinedly. "I'm going back to Aulë's forges."
Námo stayed silent, as he could tell the Maia wasn't done, but merely gathering his thoughts.
"I will not let them control me," Mairon said. "I need to show them that I will not run away and cower because they want me to. And going back? It's the best way I can think of to show them that." He smiled, the determined fire in his eyes dimming slightly. "Besides, I promised Nyeleccaner that I would teach him and Aulë how to create Galvorn. It will be fun. And it will be safe, because I highly doubt Aulë will let me out of his sight for longer than it takes to blink."
Námo had to chuckle at that.
"I think you are correct there," he said. "Would you like me to speak to Aulë? When were you thinking you'd like to go?"
"Yes, thank you," Mairon responded. "I was thinking today, if possible." He gave a wry smile. "I'll overthink it if I put it off too long." Námo nodded.
"I'll ask Aulë, then," Námo responded. His eyes lost their focus slightly, as was common for those holding a mental conversation, then re-focused on Mairon.
"Does just after lunch work for you?" he asked.
"That will work perfectly," Mairon answered. He bit his lip in thought. He'd need to distract himself until then, because what he'd told Námo was true. He'd overthink it if he focused on it for too long.
"May I go and play with the children this morning?" he asked, lighting on the perfect distraction.
"Of course you may," Námo responded promptly. "You are always free to go see them." Mairon smiled, and climbed out of bed, carefully thinking only of the children, and his plans for playing with them.
The morning had gone by swiftly for Mairon, and playing with the children had indeed been the perfect distraction, but when lunch rolled around, he found himself more picking at his food rather than eating it, despite being back in Námo's comforting presence.
"Do you want me to go with you to the forges, Mairon?" Námo asked him. Mairon was torn. He very much wanted that, but he also didn't want to inconvenience the Vala...
"I'll come with you," Námo answered his own question when he saw the indecision on Mairon face. Mairon gave a soft smile.
"Thank you," he responded. "I don't think I'll need you to stay, but I would appreciate your company going there."
"Of course, Mairon," Námo responded. "And I'll stay as long as you want me to." Mairon didn't answer that in words, but his grateful smile said much to the Vala.
Though Mairon could have made it to the forges without aid, he found it remarkably comforting to give himself over to his lord's hold and let the Vala do all the work in getting them there. Námo didn't mind in the slightest, as it took almost no effort on his part to do so. The only problem it could cause would be if Mairon struggled, as he could injure himself, but the Maia never did.
They arrived at Aulë's massive forges with the sun just beginning her descent into the west. Aulë and Nyeleccaner were waiting for them.
They both looked Mairon over carefully, and while Mairon understood how that could be irritating, he had been so long without people who cared about him that it did not bother him. That they worried about him enough to display it so blatantly warmed his heart, and he smiled brightly at them both.
"Hello, Mairon," Aulë said, as Mairon embraced Námo in farewell.
"Hello," Mairon responded, as he came over to give Aulë a hug as well, nodding a greeting to Nyeleccaner as he went.
Aulë embraced him back, and Mairon noticed an odd serenity in his eyes when he pulled back. The Maia couldn't quite understand it, but he wondered if it was simply Aulë just seeing for himself that Mairon was alright.
What Mairon did not know, couldn't have known, was how deeply Aulë had been mourning. The Vala had been ignoring the pain Mairon's fall had caused for Ages, until the Maia's precipitous return had left him with no choice but to face his emotions if he wanted to be able to have any sort of relationship with the Maia. He had confided in Nienna, and she had told him he would have to mourn not only what had happened in the past, but also the loss of what might have been.
He had been surprised at that, but as he had reconnected with Mairon, he had seen the truth of her words. The pain of knowing that what might have been had Mairon remained his was gone forever had continued to hurt long after almost everything else had faded. He'd started to wonder if seeing Mairon with Námo ever would be painless. But Nienna's assurance it would had been true. Tonight, seeing Mairon, despite all that had happened, had only brought joy, and thoughts of the future only happiness for the friendship they would continue to share, and it brought a serenity that the Vala had been missing for a long time.
He abandoned philosophical thoughts, though, as Mairon lead the way into the forges, the Vala slewing around just a bit too quickly as he realized Mairon had moved behind him and out of his sight. Mairon valiantly tried not to smile too broadly, but didn't quite manage it.
"Alright, Mairon, yes, I'm going to act like a mother hen for a while," Aulë said with resignation, though a small grin hovered around his mouth and in his eyes. Mairon let his grin show fully.
"Oh, I don't mind," he assured the Vala. "I told Námo that I doubted you would let me out of your sight longer than it takes to blink, and it's just very amusing that I was right." Aulë snorted in amusement at that, and even Nyeleccaner gave a small smile.
"You were," that Vala admitted. "But I can watch you just fine while we do something interesting. If I'm not wrong, didn't Námo say something about Galvorn?" Mairon's grin returned full force.
"Yes, indeed," he said. "You're going to enjoy this."
"Of course I will," Aulë answered. He didn't tell Mairon, though, that he didn't need to learn how to make Galvorn for that to be true. Just to spend time in the forge with Mairon again was enough.
What is this, a new chapter? Surely not! As always, reviews feed the muse! And will be cheerfully and gleefully squeed over!