Salutations! RebelKira here bringing you Chapter 13.
Chapter 13: Doubts
'So apparently my room isn't a good place to think right now' I thought as I started towards the balcony.
When I got to the balcony I stared out into the distance and took a deep breath. I turned around and jumped up onto the roof. I sat down and hugged my knees to my chest.
'I still can't wrap my head around everything that happened today. Carnel being part of a whole mafia syndicate. Hearing how the White Fang killed his last girlfriend and so many others. Neither side seem to be a source of good. Watching all the fighting is cool, and death is always a casualty of war. Carnel's childhood was worse than mine, and he still became so strong. If the White Fang are so bad then why would Salem recruit them to join us? I understand that they want to be treated equally, but how is killing innocents good. Ozpin let Carnel into his school knowing his criminal history. If Salem is right and he is evil it would make sense, but if that's true. Are all of the student's here in the dark? Do they know the evil that they are willing to throw their lives away for? Am I the one that's wrong? For believing Lady Salem. Why would she send Tyrian to break up a truce between two gangs? Not only that, Tyrian seems too wild, creepy and murderous to be a force for good. Why would she recruit him?' I thought.
I heard the door to the balcony open and slowly made my way forward to see Weiss walking out.
"I cannot believe Atlas had so much criminal activity going on right under our noses! What's worse in General Ironwood seems to have done nothing about it!" She said while stomping around.
"I'm sure he's trying his hardest, but also remember he has a lot of other things on his mind to worry about. Like running a school, and an army." I said jumping down.
"How long have you been up there?" She asked.
"I'm not sure. Got lost in thought I guess." I said.
"Yeah it must be tough learning that your teammate is the leader of a mafia. No better than the White Fang." She said.
"You heard the same story I did right?" I asked.
"Yeah troubled kid joined the mob. Then went on to rule over it. I knew there was something off about him from the moment I met him." She said.
"Look this was a big shock for me too. I mean the way I look at it he may be the leader, but he's not intentionally trying to hurt innocent people. From what I heard the only people he's hurt are ones that were doing just as bad and even worse things than he did. Crime never goes away no matter what. Yeah he's a criminal, Cardin flashed his mugshot to the whole class, but I think your demonizing the wrong person here." I said.
"Why shouldn't I? First Blake lies and hides the fact she's not only a faunus, but that she used to be part of the white fang. Then we find out that Carnel was the leader of a mafia in my home country! So if I'm not supposed to be mad at them who should I be mad at?" She said.
I tightened my fists. "You know since day one I tried to be your friend. From what I've seen you were usually the one on the end of everyone's scorn. I tried to stay on your side, and give you the benefit of the doubt cause I saw that you do have a kind side to you. As a Schnee I understand you've had a hard life with the White Fang causing your family problems for years. However, it's your close minded thinking, and needing to be the center of attention. Thinking that in every situation that you're the victim. That no matter how bad things get you are always in a worse place. That's a load of god damn bullshit!" I could feel tears streaming from my eyes. "Your last name means nothing when your family thinks just cause they have money they are better than everyone else in the world. Everyone on my team has lost at least one or both of their parents when they were young. You may have had strict parents, but at least they were there! Maybe they weren't they best people, but you were still able to make memories with them and your family. Ours were ripped away when we were young. So much potential lost to early. I saw the bloodied remains of my parents when I was five god damn years old. That's not a picture any child should have to see. I felt bad for you, I thought you didn't deserve to be mocked and ridiculed all the time, but I was wrong. You wanna play the victim fine. You wanna think your superior to everyone else because you have money and a fancy last name go ahead. Have fun being a self-centered racist bitch with no friends. See where it gets you." I jumped back on the roof and dropped to my hands and knees. I could hear Weiss crying. I slowly moved to the edge to see her on her knees with her hands covering her face. 'What have I done?'
Shortly after Weiss left Falcon had messaged.
"Hey. Where are you?" He asked.
"I'm on the roof. I'll be heading back to the room in a couple minutes." I replied.
"I don't recommend that right now. I'll meet you on the balcony." He said.
"Alright." I replied.
A few minutes later Falcon came up and sat next to the wall. I jumped down and sat next to him.
"How's Blake doing?" I asked.
"She'll be fine. It was hard for her to hear that the White Fang really did all that. She wants to change things but she's not sure how. It'll take time, but I know she'll figure out a way. More importantly I heard you had an interesting conversation with Weiss." He said.
"Yeah. You could say that." I said hugging my knees to my chest again. "I feel horrible."
"I can tell. I walked Blake back to her room. When we got there She was face down crying into her pillow. I thought it had something to do with Carnel at first. Like a delayed reaction, or something. Yang told me she came into the room crying, and said it was because of something you said. She wouldn't explain what though. So I figured I'd see if you'd fill me in." He said.
"I basically called her out on always thinking she's the victim. While thinking she's better that everyone at the same time. Then I called her a self-centered racist bitch with no friends." I said as tears started streaming down again.
"Gotta admit surprising to hear you calling her out on that. I've seen you talking to her and the two of you seemed to be getting along fairly well despite the rest of us being pretty cruel to her." He said.
"She deserved it. I know she did. I still feel like I'm the bad person though." I said.
"If you feel that bad about it give it a couple days. Then apologize. If she doesn't accept it then that's her problem. I think she will though. It seemed to hit her pretty hard. It may have been the wake-up call she needed." He said.
"Maybe. Thanks for the advice." I said.
"No problem I needed a distraction anyway. I went to the room looking for you, and I walked in on Carnel and Alicia." He said.
"Please tell me he's alive." I said.
"He almost wasn't. They didn't even notice I opened the door. If it wasn't for Alicia I probably would have. I had my Slayer of All ready to fire. I was pissed. I was about to pull the trigger when Alicia's face from the fight between me and Carnel flashed in my mind. I thought about everything that happened today. The event's that caused the fight. Her telling me how she instigated it. Knowing she'd hate me for the next maybe five minutes before his friend Ghost struck me down. The grief she'd feel seeing her boyfriend and brother taken down right in front of her. She'd have probably blamed herself. I don't even wanna think about how that would have affected her." He said.
"Neither would I." I said.
"Anyway we should probably head back and get some sleep. Hopeful they are done otherwise I may have to shoot him." He said with a small laugh.
"Yeah maybe I should enter the room first." I said.
"Probably the better idea. Speaking of ideas why were you on the roof?" He asked.
"Well first off the love birds started going at it while I was still in my bed. I would have just used the balcony, but this place gets crowded when things get emotional. With everything that happened today I figured it would have been a better place to think." I said.
"Yeah today was pretty hectic wasn't it. Wait they started while you were in the room?" He asked.
"Yep. Oh well I needed the space anyway. Besides I'm sure we'll think of some way to get back at them. That doesn't involve hurting him." I said.
"But that's the fun part." He said a little defeated.
After that we headed back to the room. I made sure to go first and with extreme caution. I opened the door to see Carnel and Alicia dressed, and passed out in Carnel's bed.
"At least they got dressed first." I said.
"Well they didn't notice when I walked in earlier so they probably figured if they got dressed I wouldn't notice." He said.
We both decided to go straight to bed. The next day I messaged Ruby, and asked if she would be willing to head into town with me. I was worried after yesterday she would say no, but luckily she agreed. Once we got to the city she asked what I was hoping she wouldn't.
"You're not gonna ditch me again are you? Or yell at me?" She asked.
"No. Actually that's the reason I asked you to come out here with me. I feel bad about ditching you so many times and I feel horrible about what I did to Weiss last night. I wanna make it up to the both of you. I know you like cookies so I thought I'd take you to a bakery in town and let you pick out whatever and however much you want." I said.
"Alright, but I have one condition before I forgive you." She said.
"Alright what is it?" I asked.
"I... I'll need a favor. Later." She said.
"Sure. No problem." I said. I was a little worried the way she said that.
"Thanks. Anyway how do you plan on apologizing to Weiss? You hurt her pretty bad last night." She said.
"That's another reason I asked you here. You know her better than I do. What do you think I should do? She's rich so I can't imagine buying her anything would help." I said.
"You're probably better off just talking to her." She said.
"Yeah I suppose. Anyway I promised you cookies so we should probably get some." I said.
When we got to the bakery Ruby was practically drooling over about everything she saw. While she was picking out what she wanted my scroll started going off. It was a call from Cinder.
"Hey go ahead, and keep picking out what you want. I gotta take a call quick, and I'll come back in a when I'm done to pay for it." I said before walking out of the store. I answered my scroll.
"Hello." I said
"Crys. It's been a while how are you doing?" Cinder asked.
"Pretty good. Mission is going fairly well no one seems to suspect anything." I said
"Really. I got a report from Roman that you were out late in the city a few weeks back. Also that one of the White Fang bases he was located at was attacked last night. You wouldn't happen to know anything about those would you?" She asked.
"Being around a bunch of other students constantly doesn't give a lot of time to go out alone. I wanted to stock up on some dust and ammo. I missed the last airship back so I needed a lift. As far as the attack last night. I didn't know until that night. Even if I had my mission is to blend in. How would I be able to stop them, and keep them from finding out?" I said.
"Next time warn Roman. That way he should have a chance to get some of the supplies out of the bases. Rather than losing it all to the police." She said.
"Like I said I didn't find out until it happened." I said.
"Anything else to report? Do any of the other students seem like they may be an issue for us?" She asked.
"No. Nothing of importance. Before I left I said I'd be able to take care of any of the wimps dreaming of being huntsman. I wasn't wrong." I said.
"Excellent. Emerald, Mercury and I will be coming to Beacon in a few days. I'll look forward to seeing you again." She said before hanging up.
'Why didn't I tell her about Carnel? I know I should have, but It felt better not to. Almost like it was the better option.' I thought. I walked back in to see Ruby had picked out about twenty boxes of cookies.
"Too much?" She asked feeling a little guilty.
"Not as long as you share a couple." I said with a weak smile.
I paid and helped her carry them back to the airship.
"Hey are you okay? You seem really down since you got that call." She said.
"Oh. It's nothing. Just still thinking about last night." I said.
"Oh... Did you mean everything you said to Weiss last night?" She asked.
I paused a bit before answering. "Yes and no. I meant it when I said I felt bad that she was always being targeted, but she does make it seem like everything bad happens to her. Like bad things only happen to her. When I saw her on the balcony she acted like Carnel's mafia was responsible for everything bad that happened to her. She didn't even know about them until yesterday. I regret the names I called her last night." I said.
"You're not wrong. She does overreact a lot. Most of the time in fact. I don't think I've ever seen her that upset though. It seemed like genuine sadness and emotion too. Not her normal 'I'm mad at everything grr' attitude." She said.
"I know. After I heard her begin crying I turned around and saw her. As soon as I did I felt horrible." I said.
"Just give it a little time. I'm sure she won't make it easy to apologize, but I think if you get that chance she'll forgive you. Either that or at the very least she'll be less upset with you." She said.
"Maybe. Anyway what was this favor you wanted?" I asked.
"Oh... Right... Please don't tell anyone, but I there is someone at Beacon I have a huge crush on. I don't know what to do or say to him though. I was wondering if you'd have any advice." She said.
"I mean I can try to help, but I'm probably the last person you should go to for relationship advice. Maybe try showing an interest in something you know he likes. If you tell me who it is I might be able to give you some suggestions." I said.
"Promise you won't tell anyone?" She asked.
"Of course." I said.
"Okay... It's... Ren." She said.
The mention of his name shattered my heart. "R-ren?" I asked.
"Y-yeah... Is something wrong?" She asked.
"N-no. I guess I was just expecting Jaune, or maybe Falcon." I said.
"Jaune is nice, but no. I think Blake likes Falcon anyway so even if I did her feelings seem stronger." She said.
"Oh. Well maybe try having him teach you to cook something. I'm sure he'd prefer cooking something other than sweets. Maybe find a few other dishes and have him teach you to make them. Then you'd be able to spend time with him in the kitchen and get to know him better." I said.
"That might work, but I'd have no clue what to make." She said.
"Well I'm sure you could look of your scroll for one. I'd recommend writing it down when you find one though. I have a few I could probably give you I wanted to try making for Tim and Ally." I said. 'Liar you planned on using this same method to get closer to Ren yourself.'
"Thanks Crys. That would be great. You're better at giving advice than you give yourself credit for." She said.
When we got back I helped her take the cookies to her room. I felt incredibly uncomfortable the whole time I was in the room. I felt like Weiss or Yang were gonna yell at me any second. Yang seemed like she wasn't very happy with me, but I think she could tell I wasn't myself so she didn't say anything. They started giving Ruby a hard time about having gotten so many cookies so I just slid out silently. I started walking back to the entrance when I ran into Velvet.
"Hey Crys I was actually just about to message you. Are you okay?" She asked.
"Yeah. Just been a stressful couple days. Did you need something?" I asked.
"I was just wondering if you wanted to hang out and watch some anime today. If you'd rather go back and relax that's fine too." She said. I think she was a little disappointed.
"No actually that sounds like the distraction I need." I said.
"Great. Do you mind if we watch in your room? My teammates aren't really into this stuff." She asked.
"Sure. As long as Carnel and Alicia aren't doing anything in there already." I said.
"Like what he did with Coco?" She asked.
"Yeah except those two are actually dating." I said.
We went to my room, and I slowly opened the door and peaked to only see Alicia in the room on her scroll.
"Why are you trying to sneak Velvet into our room?" Alicia asked.
"I wanted to make sure you, and Carnel weren't doing anything in here again." I said.
"Oh. One time." She said.
"For now, and next time maybe put something to block the door. So Falcon and I don't walk in on it." I said.
"Wait Falcon saw us?" She asked.
"Yep. It's a good thing he cares about you so much. He had his finger on the trigger. Anyway where are those two anyway?" I asked.
"Falcon went to the library, and I think Carnel is in the training hall." She said.
"Alright. Velvet and I are gonna watch some anime together if you're interested." I said.
"No thanks. I should probably go talk to Falcon about last night anyway. Have fun you two." She said.
"Nice seeing you again." Velvet said.
After she closed the door Velvet opened VRV up on a tablet.
"Anything you'd prefer?" She asked.
"Not really. You're the expert so I'll trust your judgment." I said.
"Alright." She said.
She put on a show called Sword Art Online. After a few episodes it asked us if we were still watching.
"So what do you think?" She asked. "If you don't like it we can try finding something else."
"I like it. We can keep watching it." I said.
She stopped for a bit. "If you don't mind. Can I ask what's got you so stressed? If there's something I can do I'm willing to try to help." She said.
I made a few decisions I regret the past couple days. I yelled at one friend and made her cry, and now I'm worried she hates me. Someone told me they have a crush on the same person I did, and I gave them advice on how to get them. There's some other stuff too, but it's stuff I'd rather not talk about right now. I just have felt like a really bad person." I said.
"If you love something set it free. If it comes back it's yours. If it doesn't it was never meant to be. I think that can be said for both of your situations. If you and the person you yelled at are truly friends and you apologize then everything should be fine. With the advice always remember there is a chance things may not work out for them. If you gave them advice it means it was someone you care about. Meaning you will feel bad if it doesn't work out for them, but you'd rather see them happy than miserable. Even if it works out for them I'm sure there is someone else who would be perfect for you." She said.
"I understand what you're saying, and I believe you. It's just hard knowing, waiting and not being able to do anything about it. That's the part that's hurting me right now." I said.
"I know." She said placing her hand on mine. "Things will get better for you, but you can't give up. You need to keep your head up, and look for something positive." She said.
"Thanks. I'll be okay in time. Anyway I didn't mean to ruin the mood. We can keep watching now if you want." I said.
"Yeah sure." She said starting it back up.
'It's probably for the best I let Ruby have Ren anyway. Once the plan goes into action everyone is gonna hate me anyway. I feel bad about deceiving everyone. It's probably best I don't get too attached to anyone anymore. It won't be easy, but I need to try.' I thought.
I hadn't noticed right away, but Velvet had placed her head on my shoulder.
'Do I say something? I feel like I should. So why can't I?' I thought.
"Our team is going out on a mission tomorrow. Since I hadn't had a chance to hang out with you in a while I figured today was the best chance I had. You're one of the best friends I've made since coming here. So just in case something would happen on the mission. I wanted to make sure I had at least made time for you." She said.
"You really think that much of me?" I asked.
"Yeah. I know I probably don't show it a lot, but I really care about you." She said.
"I'm not sure how to respond to that." I said.
"I understand. With our situations you never know what can happen. I figured I'd say something now. Just in case something happens." She said.
"I appreciate your honesty, and I want you to know I care about you too. Right now though I have a lot on my mind. Once you get back from your mission though I should have my head on straight." I said.
"Alright. I didn't mean to put you on the spot like that." She said.
"No. You're fine. In all honesty it's kinda nice hearing someone cares about me the way you do. Like I said earlier. There is some other stuff I can't discuss with you right now that's clouding my judgment." I said.
"Alright. It's getting late so I should probably go finish packing and get some rest anyway." She said.
"Oh. Okay." I said as she started to heading for the door. "Wait." I jumped off my bed and ran up to hug her. "I don't want you to think I'm upset with you, or anything like that. Just please give me some time to get things sorted out." I said.
"Okay." She said hugging me back before walking out the door.
After a few minutes to make sure she was gone I went back to the roof. As soon as I got up there I broke down.
'Damn it why did she have to go and say that! I don't wanna get close to anyone anymore. I don't wanna hurt these people. I don't wanna hurt my friends. I can't even tell who the good guys and bad guys are any more. I don't know what to do anymore. If I keep my emotions to a minimum everyone will notice something is up, but if I keep this charade up then I'll keep getting closer and closer to them, and I'll never be able to live with myself when the attack happens. Maybe I should just leave Beacon and go into hiding. I'm not sure what's worse. Being hunted down by Salem, or my former friends.' I thought.
After a few minutes I composed myself and made my decision.
"If I don't go back to Salem after the mission she'll hunt me down, and most likely have me killed. My friends will hate me after. They'll end up having to hunt me down. If I'm lucky they'll have me arrested, but how long before Salem finds me after that. Once the attack starts I'll decide my fate. Until then I'll continue with this charade as best as I can." I said.
I was about to head back to my room when I noticed Ozpin standing on the balcony looking out into the setting sun.
"Lovely evening isn't it Ms. Winters?" He said without turning around.
I jumped down and took a step towards him. "How long have you been out here?" I asked.
"Not that long. I just finished a discussion with team CFVY, and thought I'd wander out here for a bit. This balcony has always had a beautiful view. It's a shame I don't get to see it very often." He said.
"It's definitely a nice view, but it gets a little crowded up here at times." I said.
"I suppose it would. It's a nice quiet place to come, and think. Think about options, decisions, mistakes, regrets and how you can organize, and learn from them." He said.
"Sir?" I asked.
"You have an important decision to make Ms. Winters. I hope you make the right one." He said.
"Y-you know..." I said.
"Yes. I know you're working for her. From the moment I saw your name on the transcript I knew." He said.
"You've known all along. Yet I'm still here and alive. Why?" I asked.
"Destiny has a funny way of looking at things. You may be working for her now, but I have faith that you'll see the light." He said as he began walking away.
"Hey wait!" I said.
He stopped at the doorway. "Yes Ms. Winters." He said.
"You said you knew by my name. That doesn't make any sense. How could you know just by my name?" I asked.
"As I said. Destiny has a funny way of looking at things. When the time is right you'll get your answers." He said.
"What if it's too late by then?" I asked.
He didn't say anything. He turned a bit, and gave me a smile before walking away.
'Great if I wasn't already confused enough about what to do he drops a bomb like that.' I thought.
I started heading back to my room. When I got back Falcon was on his bed reading and the other two were gone. I got into bed and tried to go to sleep.
"You've still got a lot on your mind don't you." Falcon asked.
I gave a small laugh. "Just keeps piling up. How could you tell?" I asked.
"I've never seen you go to bed without doing a little reading first, or at least some music. You still thinking about yesterday?" He asked.
"Pretty much. I think right now I just need some sleep." I said.
"If you say so. Just remember as your teammates were here for you. You can talk to us about anything." He said.
"Kinda hard when half the team is missing." I said with a small laugh.
"Speaking of which we need to start planning a way to get back at them." He said.
We discussed a plan for a while. They finally returned about an hour later. Carnel said he and Yang ended up having a long discussion about what happened yesterday. Alicia said she was with team JNPR. Apparently Pyrrha needed help with something. She wouldn't tell us what though. After a bit everyone had passed out except me. I couldn't stop thinking about what Ozpin said on the balcony. He knew I'm working with her, but hasn't done anything about it. Was he just trying to trick me, or was there something he was trying to tell me?