"Izaya… You're shaking."
Izaya was offended by that statement. Yeah, he knew he was shaking. He had been so startled by the knock at the door that he had tripped and dropped his tea. When he caught himself, pain flared in his arms which were still not quite back to full strength.
On top of that, he was fully expecting to see Jiro's face pop in rather than Shizuo. Granted, Jiro probably couldn't knock a barricaded door off of its hinges (which he was furious about, by the way), but Izaya wasn't exactly thinking rationally lately. Shizuo was lucky he hesitated to fire.
Yet deep down, he still wanted to. He wanted to put a bullet into Shizuo's head as punishment for the pain that still lingered from their last meeting. The pain that made him feel too weak to defend himself from the man he was expecting to walk through that door.
And it was that lingering pain that had Izaya feeling rather anxious to be alone with Shizuo. The last time they stood face to face, he had nearly been killed. One part of the many reasons for his shaking limbs was the fact that he was actually terrified of another one-on-one fight with the strongest man in Ikebukuro.
After all, he really didn't want to die…
As anxiety, pain, anger, and fear swirled within him, Izaya realized he was slipping. The more he thought about the reasons behind his trembling limbs, the more uncontrollable it became.
For a moment, he felt like he couldn't breathe.
He recognized this feeling. This horrible feeling of dread and fear. It had been years since he felt it like this…
"H-hey, Izaya? Hey!"
Shizuo's voice boomed in his ears and the thought of Shizuo seeing him like this only sent him further down.
Izaya collapsed.
Everything was too much. The lights felt too bright, Shizuo's voice sounded too loud.
He was holding onto the railing of the stairs in an attempt to keep himself upright because if he let go he would surely spiral down into an endless dark pit. Or at least that's what it felt like.
Something warm was on his arm now. It didn't feel pleasant right now. Another warm spot was on his other shoulder.
"Fucking flea, answer me!"
He's touching me. Izaya suddenly realized.
What would come next? Would he break his arms again? Tear them off? Leave him completely at Jiro's mercy?
The simple feeling of being touched did not feel simple at all. It was completely overwhelming, making Izaya want to scream.
"Don't touch me!" he yelled instead. Unsure of how he was able to form a sentence when everything felt so damn confusing.
Shizuo's hands left him instantly and Izaya tried not to crumple into the floor. He held tightly onto the railing to keep himself grounded.
Just breathe… he thought to himself, Forget about him. Just breathe…
He had no idea how long it had taken, but everything was starting to come back into focus. His heart was still racing and his hands still trembling, but he could breathe properly again and his senses seemed to dull back down to normal from whatever ridiculous height they had reached.
Izaya lifted his gaze to glare at Shizuo who was now reading something on his phone with a look of concern on his face. When he flicked his eyes up and met Izaya's glare, he flipped his phone shut and hastily put it in his pocket.
"Can I uhh…" he began, rubbing the back of his neck and sounding hesitant, "Can I do anything to help? Can I get you anything?"
Realizing Shizuo must have been searching his symptoms on his phone made Izaya's glare darken.
Izaya didn't even honor Shizuo's question with a response. Instead, he forced himself to his feet and dragged himself to the bathroom where he locked the door behind him.
Splashing his face with cool water tended to help in these situations. After drying his face and wiping the back of his neck with a towel, Izaya took a few more deep breaths.
Shizuo seemed to be telling the truth when he said he wasn't here to fight. Otherwise he could have easily taken advantage of his moment of weakness. And even going as far as to try and offer help? What was he thinking?
Izaya stepped out of the bathroom to find Shizuo standing in the same spot he'd left him. His hands were in his pockets and he still had a concerned look on his face.
Really, what was with that look?
"Sit," Izaya said, gesturing to the couch. Shizuo did so obediently and Izaya followed suit on the opposite end of the couch. He practically fell into it, taking a moment to try and relax a bit. Unfortunately, that was what his tea had been for, but now it was on the floor and the broken pieces of his cup lay on the coffee table.
"You okay?" Shizuo asked.
"I'm fine," Izaya replied grumpily, "Just tell me what the hell you want and get out."
"Right…" Shizuo began looking like he was beginning to remember he and Izaya were supposed to be enemies. "It's just that… I was thinking a lot…"
"Don't hurt yourself," Izaya mumbled. Shizuo shot him a glare that told him he probably should keep his mouth shut for now.
"I was thinking a lot and I decided to hear you out on this whole bodyguard thing."
"I told you I changed my mind." Izaya said darkly, reminded of their last conversation over the phone.
"Yeah I know," Shizuo said, "But I thought about it and well… Don't get me wrong, I still hate you, but I figured if you're asking me for help then whoever you made an enemy of is probably pretty bad if you can't do it alone, right?"
Izaya looked away at that statement, staring at the floor while Shizuo continued.
"So I figure this person probably poses a threat to innocent people as well. That's why I came here."
"Couldn't it have waited until morning, at least?" Izaya asked, yawning into his hand. He was exhausted.
"Maybe…" Shizuo said with a nod, "But it was bothering me for a while so I just decided to come over now."
"You could have called," Izaya pointed out.
"Would you have answered?"
Izaya considered this for a moment. "No, probably not," he said with a grin.
Shizuo responded with smile that suggested he knew that would be his answer.
"So who is this person?"
"You don't need to know that. Just knock out anyone who tries to hurt me. That's what a bodyguard is supposed to do."
Shizuo looked disappointed, Izaya noted.
"And now that I think about it... to start," Izaya continued, "For what you did to my door, you have to stand guard here until I can get someone here to fix it."
"What?!" Shizuo started, but then paused when he remembered what he had done. Just because the door looked like it was back in place didn't mean it was able to lock properly. "Fine," he grumbled, "How long is that going to take?"
"Hopefully not long," Izaya replied, already searching through his phone.
Shizuo waited, listening in while Izaya contacted the building's maintenance staff. It didn't take long for someone to agree to come immediately when Izaya mentioned the ridiculous amount he was willing to pay for promt service.
"There," he said, slipping his phone back into his pocket, "They will be here in less than an hour."
A drawn out awkward silence hung in the air while the two enemies stared off in opposite directions lost in their own thoughts. Shizuo wondering if he had made a mistake coming tonight, and Izaya still fuming over the broken door and considering his options for payback.
Five minutes later a sound broke the silence.
It was Shizuo's stomach.
Shizuo cleared his throat, trying not to let embarrassment show in his voice. "Sorry," he mumbled, "I didn't eat dinner…"
"Me either," Izaya replied, still staring in the opposite direction, "... or lunch… or… breakfast…" he trailed off, not sure why he even bothered to speak at all.
"Seriously?" Shizuo asked, sliding forward on the couch, "You have an eating disorder or some shit?"
"That was very delicately asked, Shizu-chan," Izaya teased, "But no, I just wasn't hungry."
"But you have to eat," Shizuo pointed out, "If you don't you could pass out or something."
Izaya gave no response.
With a spark of determination, Shizuo stood from the couch and briskly walked into the kitchen.
"What are you doing…?" Izaya asked, following Shizuo to the kitchen.
"I'm gonna get you something to eat," Shizuo said as if it were completely obvious. However he was stopped rather quickly when he opened the refrigerator to find it almost completely empty. All there was to be found was some leftover rice and miso soup.
Shizuo let out a sigh. "What the hell is this, flea?"
"That would be leftovers from yesterday."
Slamming the fridge door shut with a little more force than necessary, Shizuo clenched his fists. "You know what I mean, you ass. Why don't you have any food?"
Izaya seemed to shrink back at the question, looking at the floor rather than at Shizuo when he spoke.
"I haven't gone shopping yet…" he said quietly.
"Why not?" Shizuo asked, opening up the cupboards to find very little in them as well.
When Izaya was once again left silent, the pieces fell together in Shizuo's mind.
He hasn't gone shopping because he's too afraid to leave the apartment by himself...
Shizuo didn't dare speak this realization out loud. Instead he headed towards the door, took Izaya's coat from the rack and threw it back at him. Izaya caught it and stared at Shizuo with a questioning look while the blond began slipping his shoes on.
"C'mon," he said, "let's just grab dinner from that convenience store across the street. We'll be back before the people get here to fix the door."
Izaya looked uneasy for a few seconds but soon began to reluctantly pull his coat over his shoulders-which he did so carefully as Shizuo noted out of the corner of his eye. He wasn't sure but he thought he saw Izaya wince.
"You okay…?"
"Hm?" Izaya quickly brought his attention back to Shizuo as he began slipping his own shoes on. "It's nothing I guess I just hurt myself when I tripped earlier. It's fine, really."
For the second time in a few minutes pieces quickly fell into place inside Shizuo's head. This time he forgot to hold back on speaking his thoughts.
"You're... not completely healed yet, are you?" he said quietly, more as a statement than a question.
Izaya glared in response, looking Shizuo directly in the eye when he spoke. "My bones aren't made of steel like yours, Shizu-chan. Why do you think I needed a bodyguard in the first place?"
Izaya only broke eye contact once he felt he had thoroughly made Shizuo feel guilty for even bringing up the subject.
They didn't speak the whole way to the convenience store.
They didn't speak when they returned with their food.
Nor did they speak while they ate.
It was the knocking of the repair man at the door that broke the silence this time, and Shizuo didn't miss how the knock seemed to startle Izaya.
The door was fixed quickly, and Izaya paid the repairman what he promised once he had checked the lock for himself.
He then quickly sent the repairman on his way and turned to Shizuo to do the same.
"Leave," he said, "I'm tired and I want you out now."
Shizuo didn't argue as he once again slipped on his shoes and walked out the door.
However he didn't walk away until he heard the click of the lock and the thud of the bookshelf being replaced against the door.
…~-~...
After sweeping the apartment to make sure Jiro hadn't slipped in and hidden somewhere while they were gone, Izaya finally collapsed into his bed.
Despite being so utterly exhausted, Izaya still found it difficult to get to sleep. Thoughts and memories swirled around in his head giving him a headache.
He kept thinking about how many times he showed weakness in front of Shizuo tonight. He tried to tell himself it was because he was tired but he knew it was likely to happen again. Izaya knew he was an absolute mess right now and allowing Shizuo to be his bodyguard was like giving him a front row seat to the show.
"What have I gotten myself into…?" he wondered aloud.
An hour later, Izaya finally drifted off into another restless sleep, haunted by the nightmare of his past.
…~-~...
The next chapter begins the story I'm sure you've been waiting to read…