So I tried to figure out my timeline matching up with the end of the 13th novel/end of the anime but I couldn't remember what month it was at the end of the series and I honestly was too lazy to go back and check so forgive me if the timeline seems off. I'm sure most of you don't care and I'm just being way too focused on details but whatever, here we are. At least the chapter is out after only a little over a week!

…~-~...

Every day was the same. Every day Izaya had to hold back his desire to have any form of physical contact with Shizuo. In the small apartment it was inevitable that they would slightly bump each other, especially if they happened to both be in the kitchen at the same time. Every time Izaya felt Shizuo accidentally brush against him made it harder to resist.

Shizuo had been home the past few days making it impossible for Izaya to have time alone. He'd spent a long time in the shower one night, biting his arm to prevent himself from moaning when he imagined Shizuo in the shower with him.

But it didn't help. Masturbation only did so much and it only left Izaya wanting more. Being around him all day and living in his apartment made it impossible to ignore the cause of his current situation. The best he could do was be as far away from Shizuo as possible any time they were in the same room, even if it meant relocating to sit on the floor across the room while he read a book or browsed forums on his laptop.

Shizuo on the other hand felt hurt by Izaya's sudden distance. He'd remembered what Shinra had told him about Izaya putting up a barrier to keep people from getting close to him and the barrier was practically visible at this point.

It was strange that he found himself wanting Izaya to stop putting distance between them, yet at the same time he was beginning to realize it wasn't all that strange. Maybe he'd hit his head and just couldn't remember, or maybe it was something like stockholm syndrome without being held against his will… but Shizuo was starting to feel something of an attachment to Izaya.

Having company was nice seeing as Shizuo didn't get together with people very often. It was nice to just know someone else was there, even if it was Izaya. But it was starting to seem like Izaya didn't feel the same way. In fact, after the first night he was were, Izaya had been strangely quiet. He didn't mock Shizuo or prattle on about whatever weird stuff he usually talked about. Shizuo could only assume Izaya was intentionally avoiding him. That or he was simply anxious about that guy coming after him again. Or both.

Izaya had nightmares quite often. That's one thing Shizuo had learned. The second night he spent at the apartment Shizuo thought he'd heard Izaya talking. When he went to investigate, he found Izaya asleep, but not at all peacefully. He was having another nightmare, just like the morning that Shizuo had spent the night at Izaya's place.

It felt wrong to do nothing, but Shizuo knew Izaya wouldn't want anyone to see him in that state, so he had to leave him to whatever horrors he was experiencing in his sleep.

But this time he couldn't.

A week had passed since Izaya started staying with him. Every night Shizuo had seen Izaya unable to sleep peacefully. And now it was happening again, but the circumstance was slightly different. They had been watching TV and Izaya was sitting on the other end of the couch, finally seeming to be done with his "stay far away on the other side of the room" phase. Izaya fell asleep on the couch next to him and sure enough a few minutes later he heard Izaya whimper and saw his face contort into a pained expression.

He couldn't let it go this time.

"Izaya," he said quietly, unsure of how to actually go about waking him, "Hey flea," he said louder. Izaya didn't wake, instead he seemed to become more restless.

Shizuo got up with a sigh, moving to kneel on the floor in front of the sleeping man. He observed him for a moment. Izaya's eyes were shut tight, his brow furrowed. He seemed to be shaking slightly as he whimpered again.

Better just go for it… Shizuo thought. He reached out and put his hand on Izaya's shoulder and gently shook him.

"Hey, wake-ah!"

The moment he shook Izaya, the other man's eyes flew open and he released a startled shout at the same time his fist headed straight for Shizuo's face. He dodged it but it did catch him off guard. In a split second Izaya had scrambled into a crouched position on the couch, his knife in his hand, blade extended towards Shizuo's face. He was panting, his hands were shaking violently and sweat dripped down the side of his face as he stared Shizuo down. His pupils were dilated and his breathing was heavy. His eyes were locked with Shizuo's but they seemed to be looking straight through him rather than at him.

"Izaya, it's just me," Shizuo said, backing away from the knife in his face, "You were… having a nightmare,"

Izaya continued to stare him down for a few seconds that felt like minutes. Gradually Izaya's breathing steadied, and the shaking subsided. When Izaya came back to his senses he closed the knife and sat back down on the couch. He didn't speak.

"You were having a nightmare," Shizuo repeated, trying to get a response but Izaya remained silent, gaze now pointed at the floor between the two of them.

"Izaya?" Shizuo reached out. The moment his hand brushed Izaya's shoulders he reacted. In an instant he grabbed Shizuo's wrist and shoved it away with a surprising amount of force.

"Don't fucking touch me," he said darkly.

"O-okay," Shizuo responded, moving back a few inches, "Sorry,"

"Don't talk," he lifted his gaze and stared at Shizuo with an expression Shizuo had never seen. It was more serious than when he pointed that gun at Shizuo from across his apartment when all of this began. He had never felt so intimidated by anyone before.

Izaya stood quickly, rushing around the corner and slamming the bathroom door before Shizuo could react.

He sat listening, trying to figure out what to do when he heard a sound that made him jump to his feet.

Gaging, muffled coughs, sharp breaths. Izaya had gotten sick.

"Fuck," Shizuo whispered. He should have left him. Why did he feel the need to wake him? Even now, the logical part of him told him he should leave it. Just go into the bedroom and let Izaya do what he needed to do. Yet before he knew it he was at the bathroom door unable to stop himself.

"Izaya, are you okay?"

"Go away."

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-"

"Go. Away."

He heard the sound of flushing before Izaya emerged in the doorway, his expression furious when Shizuo was still standing there.

"Move."

Shizuo moved, but his eyes followed. Izaya approached the door and began pulling his shoes on.

"Wait what are you doing?" Shizuo asked.

"I need some air."

"Let me come-"

"NO." Izaya was nearly shouting, his hand on the door handle. "Just leave me alone."

Izaya slammed the door behind him.

…~-~...

Was he being stupid? Absolutely. Was he potentially risking his life by going out alone? Yep.

Now ask if he cared.

Izaya was overcome with the need for fresh air, the vivid memory of what he had dreamed stuck in his head. It wasn't just a dream. It had been his reality for thirty-seven days.

Trapped in a basement with no access to the outside world-to fresh air.

Izaya stumbled into an alley. His legs felt weak and his chest was tight. It felt like he couldn't breathe. His dreams were so vivid it was as if he had just been trapped again. The desire to go outside simply because he could was overwhelming.

Hunched over with his hands on his knees Izaya finally collected himself. The cool night air and the sounds of the city bringing him back to his senses. He didn't know how long he had been outside. He hadn't grabbed his phone.

"Izaya,"

The voice startled him but he knew who it was. "I told you to leave me alone…" he said though his words didn't carry the same fierceness as before.

Shizuo stepped forward. "You've been standing there for ten minutes. I was getting worried you weren't going to snap out of it."

"I'm fine," Izaya said through gritted teeth.

"No, you're really not," Shizuo said firmly. "Will you come inside already, it's cold out and you're gonna get sick without a coat."

It was November and the nights were beginning to get rather cold. But Izaya couldn't feel the cold. He only felt numb. But he knew Shizuo was right. Guilt consumed him when he met Shizuo's gaze. He should have let Shizuo help him. It would have been much more simple than to get angry. But he couldn't control how he'd felt. The room had been spinning around him and in that moment everything was terrifying.

He wasn't rational. He had reverted back to the person he was when he was in Jiro's grasp. Terrified, hurt, and harboring an intense desire to feel some form of freedom. Just like every other time he woke from one of his vivid nightmares. Shizuo just happened to be unfortunate enough to wake him.

"Izaya?" Shizuo questioned again when Izaya didn't respond.

"Y-yeah… Let's go…"

…~-~...

"There, is that better?"

Izaya sat back in his place on the couch, eyes following while Shizuo opened the blinds and the screen door to the balcony allowing a cool breeze to blow through the apartment. An attempt to provide Izaya with fresh air without being outside in the cold.

Izaya nodded. "It is, thank you."

Shizuo collapsed into the couch with a loud sigh, leaning his head back, gaze focused on the ceiling. Izaya's eyes followed his every move. After a moment Shizuo turned his head to meet Izaya's stare.

"So you're okay now?" He asked.

"I'm fine," Izaya replied.

"You're not just lying so that I'll shut up?"

"No," Izaya lied.

Shizuo looked him up and down, judging his reply. "I don't believe you, but I won't press it," he said, "But if you do want to talk, I mean… I'll listen."

Izaya didn't respond directly to that statement. Instead he curled up into himself, wrapping his arms around his knees. When he spoke again, it was quiet and mostly to himself. "It's November 21st, isn't it…? I hadn't realized…"

"Yeah, it is," Shizuo confirmed cautiously, not sure why the date mattered.

An image appeared in Izaya's head. A bright sign that hurt his eyes that read:

3:45 AM.

November 21st.

The sign he read the night he escaped. Tonight, exactly seven years ago he made his escape. It really was foolish of him to go outside alone tonight. Jiro was the type to make a move on a specific date such as this.

"Today, some years ago, was the last time I saw him until I first called you 3 months ago…"

Izaya didn't know, but Shizuo instantly understood what Izaya meant. He thought back to the DVD he had received that started this whole thing. The date had been displayed in the corner which had told Shizuo that what happened to Izaya was seven years ago. But now he had another piece of the puzzle. November 21st was the last time he'd seen that vile man. The date on that video had been November 3rd. Meaning Izaya had been in that room, suffering, for at least... 17 days. Possibly longer.

Shizuo had a sudden feeling of respect for Izaya's resilience. He'd been tortured for weeks and came out of it able to live his life normally up until now. At least, normal to an outsider's view. He had to assume that Izaya's nightmares were not a recent problem.

He knew Izaya had mental strength. He was smart. That along with his speed was the only reason Shizuo hadn't been able to murder him by now with all the physical strength he possessed. But he couldn't imagine the mental power it took to rebound from a traumatic event such as what he knew Izaya had endured.

A new found hatred to this nameless man blossomed in Shizuo's heart. If that man ever laid a finger on Izaya again he'd break the bastard in half.

"Shizu-chan…?"

The softness in Izaya's voice shocked him almost as much as realizing he'd forgotten Izaya was sitting right next to him.

"Sorry, I was just thinking about something…"

"About me?" Izaya prompted. Shizuo remained silent and Izaya continued. "You look angry."

"About you, but more about how badly I want to kill that bastard for whatever he did to you."

"Thirty-seven days."

A pause. Izaya was staring intently out the window, actively avoiding Shizuo's gaze.

A sickening feeling came over him. He didn't want to confirm what he thought Izaya meant but he couldn't stop himself from responding.

"W-what…?"

"Seven years ago, I was missing for thirty-seven days," Izaya said, still staring out the window. "Nobody knew. Nobody came looking for me."

An intense whirlpool of emotions surged through Shizuo. He couldn't figure out how to respond, or which emotion he should feel. Instead he settled on an action. In an instant he shifted closer to Izaya, threw his arm around his too-small waist, and pulled him close.

Although surprised, Izaya accepted being touched this time. When he had been woken by Shizuo, every sensation was overwhelming. He was in a better headspace now, able to ground himself and remain calm.

Shizuo's arm wrapped around his waist felt reassuring. Izaya leaned into the touch, resting his head on Shizuo's chest, fully aware that this is what he had been actively avoiding the past few days. This type of touch that only made him want more.

But right now he didn't. This was enough. Shizuo was warm, and the sound of his heart beating was soothing. It felt like time was put on pause and he could only hope it never picked up again. Shizuo's grip tightened and his other hand made its way to rest on the back of Izaya's head.

Izaya melted. His eyes closed and he pressed himself as close as possible to the man he loved. He didn't question the gesture, nor did he think about what his own actions might be suggesting to Shizuo.

He had needed this. For a very long time.

Izaya fell asleep in under two minutes.