I had to re-work this chapter a lot. I hope it's good now.

…~-~...

"Nngh… Shit…" Shizuo grumbled waking up to his arm going numb. When he shifted he realized why: Izaya was laying on top of it.

Then he remembered.

He had held Izaya and they must have both fallen asleep like that on the couch of all places. Izaya had seemed so comfortable he didn't want to move him, and now here they were. Izaya on top of him, sleeping quite peacefully.

Even with his arm gone numb he still didn't want to disturb Izaya, but then he had an idea. It was a strange idea and probably held a lot of implications, but somehow he got the feeling Izaya wouldn't mind.

"Hey flea," he whispered, trying to wake him gently to avoid startling him again, "Come on, wake up."

Izaya stirred, letting out a small groan. He paused when he seemed to realize where he was.

"Sorry," he grumbled, lifting himself off of Shizuo so he could sit up.

"S'okay'" Shizuo replied, "It's just that the couch is small and… If you want why don't you just use my bed."

To his slight surprise and disappointment, Izaya shook his head. "Nah, I'd rather not take it away from you."

"N-no," Shizuo began, realizing what Izaya thought he meant. He could feel his face turning red as he explained, "I mean with me."

Izaya regarded him with an odd expression of confusion, but seemed to be too tired to come up with a response other than a quiet "Okay."

…~-~...

The sun filtered into the bedroom illuminating a scene nobody in Ikebukuro would have ever imagined-save for a certain woman dressed in all black who thrived for this type of image.

Shizuo and Izaya: a mess of tangled limbs under the covers, Izaya's head resting on Shizuo's chest. Both had clearly slept well, until the sun filtered in and Izaya's early bird instinct kicked in. The moment light touched his face through the curtains, Izaya stirred.

He was so comfortably warm, he didn't want to move. He could hear Shizuo's heart beating and feel the rise and all of his chest and he felt content knowing they had spent the entire night like this. In that moment, he didn't care why Shizuo was doing this or why he was the one to initiate it. He just wanted to enjoy it and soak up the warmth that came with having his body pressed against another.

Izaya never checked the clock, but based on how far the sunlight had moved away from his face he figured he must have been lying there for an hour by the time Shizuo shifted underneath him.

The time to enjoy this was up for now, or so he thought until Shizuo's hand found Izaya's hair, fingers gently combing through. Izaya couldn't stop the embarrassing shiver that sensation sent down his spine but Shizuo didn't say anything about it. Who knew Ikebukuro's resident monster's hands could be so gentle?

Shizuo was lost in thought of his own. While it was strange to think that he was essentially cuddling with Izaya, he didn't dislike it. In fact it felt nice. He didn't really have a point of reference when it came to being this close to someone, but he knew how he felt. His feelings towards Izaya had changed. Izaya himself seemed different lately as well, making it easier to admit what he had slowly begun to realize.

I'm fucking falling for him. Shizuo admitted to himself.

And what was more, the feelings seemed like they might be mutual.

Izaya was awake, but he wasn't making any effort to break contact. His breathing was calm and his body seemed relaxed. When Shizuo reached to feel Izaya's hair he couldn't help but notice how soft it was. He felt Izaya shiver at the touch and it only encouraged him to continue.

Today Shizuo had the day off. Honestly, if this was all he did for the day, he would be content. But a sound from Izaya-his stomach growling to be exact-told him they should probably get up.

"You hungry?" Shizuo asked.

Izaya let out a long sigh followed by a regretful "Yeahh…"

"Me too," Shizuo said, removing his hand from Izaya's hair. He let out a small whine in response that made Shizuo smile. "Let's get breakfast started."

Izaya was the one to cook this time. The last time they ate breakfast together, Shizuo had made eggs and toast. Izaya decided to take that and show off by adding vegetables and cheese. It wasn't really an omelette. Usually an omelette is contained. This was more like scrambled eggs with stuff mixed in. Not super pretty, but damn if it wasn't delicious.

At first Shizuo was confused at how much food Izaya made, but when Izaya started eating he realized why. Izaya was hungry. The last time he'd seen Izaya eat like this was the night they ordered chinese take out weeks ago. It was nice to see him with an appetite. He had felt far too thin in his arms last night.

Izaya slowed down when he noticed Shizuo watching him. He swallowed a large bite of toast and stared back. "What?" he questioned.

Smiling, Shizuo returned to his own breakfast. "I'm glad to see you eating," he replied honestly, "You need to build up your strength back."

"To be fair," Izaya spoke between bites, "I do have a lot more strength back already since I first called you." He took a sip of tea. "I can even run a bit more again."

Shizuo paused, "You mean you couldn't before?"

Izaya slowed, realizing he'd said more than he should have.

"Did I... Hurt you that badly…?"

Izaya set down his chopsticks, a slightly solemn look on his face. "Well, I was basically bedridden for a month before I could even think about standing," he said quietly, "I guess my muscles started to atrophy."

"But your legs weren't injured…"

"You swung a steel beam at me like a baseball and sent me flying into the neighboring building. Every part of me was injured, just some worse than others."

Shizuo went silent. He had forgotten about that. But his memory was beginning to clear up along with a deep seeded anger he'd forgotten about as well. Izaya wasn't completely innocent here. "I only did that because you dropped construction equipment on me and tried to suffocate me and burn me alive…"

"I know," Izaya replied in such a matter of fact tone that Shizuo's surfacing anger disappeared and was replaced with confusion.

"You… know…?" he repeated back.

"Yes, Shizuo. I know." he stated. "I started that fight. I initiated some of the events of that evening. I don't carry animosity towards you for hurting me. I was quite literally asking for it."

Shizuo didn't know what to say. Instead he waited for Izaya to continue.

"I'll tell you this much, Shizu-chan: I was fully prepared to die that night."

Shizuo's hands shook. "So that was… your way of committing suicide…?"

Izaya shook his head. "No, I didn't really want to die. But I knew it was a likely outcome and was prepared for it."

"That doesn't make any sense."

"Doesn't it?"

"No."

Izaya sighed. "Let me try to explain: My goal that night was either to kill you or die trying, and I was pretty sure it was going to be the latter. I planned to give it my all to try and get rid of you, but if you did end up killing me in the middle of the city streets with all of those witnesses? Well, you know what they all would have thought about you."

Shizuo stiffened, holding back from snapping the table in half. Or Izaya himself.

"But then you did what you always do," his tone lightened, "You defied my expectations. The moment that woman stepped in you forgot all about killing me, nor would you let her finish the job-which I appreciated to be honest. Given the choice I wouldn't want her to be the one to take my life, but I digress. She saw fit to remind you that you are human and shouldn't become a monster over me, and you didn't want to disappoint her. Before I blacked out and Kine took me away I remember coming to the conclusion that you are human just like everyone else and it was only my view of you that was twisted."

"I wouldn't be so sure of that," Shizuo's anger subsiding once more into melancholy, "Everyone still thinks I'm a monster."

"Monsters don't have friends," Izaya said, "Monsters don't go to dinner parties, or work for their old senpai, or have pictures of themselves with their siblings on their nightstand."

A light blush covered Shizuo's face at the mention of the picture of Kasuka.

"I am the real monster here," Izaya continued, "You and I have always known that. I have no one close to me. I am much more despised in this city than you. Which is why when all of this is over I will be leaving Tokyo."

Shizuo froze. He hadn't considered what Izaya's plans were after his bodyguard duties were done.

"Where will you go?"

"I don't know. Hokkaido? Russia? America? It doesn't matter. I'm done with this city and this city is done with me."

"You're lying."

Izaya looked genuinely confused. "What?"

"You aren't 'done' with this city. You were just reading a book about it the other day! That doesn't sound like 'done' to me!"

"You caught me there. I do love this city, but I have to move on."

"Stay," Shizuo blurted out.

Izaya was silent.

"Stay," he repeated, "Don't leave. After this is all over just… Go home. Don't leave the city."

"Why would you of all people want me to stay? You're the one always trying to get me to leave."

"Don't get the wrong idea. I hate that you tried to kill me. I hate all of the things you have done."

"I'm sensing a 'but' coming?"

"But if you have no plans to bother me or fuck things up too bad anymore then I have no plans to kill you. Besides, you seem… Different."

"I'm the same as always," Izaya said darkly, "And I know what you are referring to. Just because you have seen me weak doesn't mean I have changed. I'm still an informant. I am still Orihara Izaya. Do not forget that."

"You aren't the same. If you were I would hate you."

"If you're implying that you don't hate me it would be wise of you to start hating me again," Izaya warned, "Stop trying to get close to me. I'm paying you to be my bodyguard, not to like me."

"You really don't let anyone in, do you?"

Izaya paused. "Where did you hear that?"

"Shinra. He said you don't know how to make relationships with people so you keep your distance."

"That piece of shit," Izaya mumbled under his breath.

"You're always analyzing other people and acting all smart when you are proven right. Now I'm going to do the same to you.

"I've learned a lot about you this past couple months. Combined with what Shinra said and what I've known about you since high school I have a pretty good idea of how you work.

"You're way too smart for your own good. That's why you fuck around with people. You are so smart that everyday life doesn't provide a challenge. You essentially have all the money you want or at least a means to get it, and you are physically capable enough to protect yourself in the average street fight, so an average life is too easy for you.

"Everything is analytical in your head. You literally don't know how to not over analyze everything around you, or how to follow your feelings, or how to make relationships with the people around you. I don't think you ever learned how to make friends with someone because you never needed anybody's help before. But you are good at faking emotions because the analytical part of you is so good at observing and mimicking behavior which makes you an expert at manipulation.

"But if someone were to really-truly-hurt you, you would fall apart. And I think that is precisely what I am witnessing and what you are calling 'weak'.

"I see you as different now because that person you built yourself up to be has been shattered by this guy showing his face again. Now you recognize that you need help when you never have before. Your intelligence can't help you when your as hurt emotionally as you clearly are. You've protected yourself from pain for so long that when you feel it you don't know how to handle it and then you do stupid shit like running out the door alone in the middle of the night!"

SMACK

…

…

…

"Stop. Please."

Shizuo was stunned for a moment. Being slapped didn't hurt, but Izaya's pleading tone told him he went too far.

Izaya sat back in his seat, staring at the floor. His face was completely devoid of emotion.

"I'm sorry. I said too much."

Silence.

"I can leave if you want," he suggested, feeling guilty that he may have just hurt Izaya in the exact way he described.

"No," Izaya responded, making Shizuo pause, "You…"

The mask was slipping. The real Izaya was becoming visible through his facade. His emotionless expression began to shift and change in subtle ways but it was enough to recognize the emotions related to them. Anger, confusion, grief, pain.

"When did you… get so perceptive? How can you of all people…" Izaya's hands balled up into fists. "...even comprehend all of that?"

"Izaya I got carried away. I'm sorry I hurt-"

"I'm not angry with you," Izaya interrupted, his expression changed again, "I'm impressed."

He smiled.

Shizuo would be lying if he said he wasn't unsettled by that smile.

"You're right, Shizu-chan," he began, "about everything. The only thing you are wrong about is thinking that I didn't already know all of this about myself.

"I do need your help. I know I'm a mess whenever I start thinking about that bastard Jiro. When he first called me, yeah, I admit I completely fell apart. I haven't healed and I know I can't do this alone. This is me opening up and I honestly don't know what I'm doing and I'm going to start rambling so please tell me to stop now."

"Jiro?"

Izaya winced at the name when Shizuo said it.

"Yeah, that's his name. Kimura Jiro."

"Thank you for telling me. You don't have to say anything else if you don't want to."

Izaya nodded, picked up his chopsticks and took a tentative bite of the food they had both forgotten about. Shizuo took a bite as well, taking the opportunity to end the conversation.

…~-~...

Izaya's mind was in chaos. Every word Shizuo had said felt like a nail being driven into his heart. He had slapped Shizuo when it was more than he could handle. With the strain he had been under, one more word would have sent him spiraling down and nobody needed to see him like that.

Shizuo understood so much about him in such a short amount of time. Granted Izaya knew he was shit at hiding his emotions since returning to Tokyo, but he never expected Shizuo to understand him so precisely on such a deep level.

When they finished their meal, Izaya cleaned up the dishes. It was a mindless task to calm his nerves.

"Shizuo?" he sat down on his usual side of the couch as he spoke. Shizuo was staring at the TV, but it was turned off. "A few weeks ago I asked you if you cared about me."

"I remember," he said.

"You said you kind of did."

"Yes, I did say that."

"Do you still feel that way? After everything?"

"Yes," he said without hesitation.

"Why?"

"Like I said before. Because I see you differently." Shizuo turned to face him. "How do you feel about me?"

I love you so much it hurts.

"I don't hate you. I'm not mad about what you said. I just didn't expect to hear it from you."

"That's fair. I did go to far… For the record I do think you're strong. You're probably stronger mentally than I am, but it's like an old wound that never fully healed was opened and now you need help with it. And for the record I am willing to help."

"I know. Thanks." Izaya moved in closer to Shizuo and leaned against his shoulder. "Do you mind if I-"

Shizuo responded before Izaya could finish his sentence by wrapping his arm around Izaya's shoulder and pulling him closer.

Izaya closed his eyes, thankful to finally have someone he felt like he may be able to trust.