[Hikigaya Hachiman, 28th June, 1630 hours]
"You're leaving early today," Yukinoshita observed as I stood up and prepared to take my leave. "That's unlike you. Do you have something on, Hikigaya-kun?"
Of course, I would have left earlier if I could, but that would have aroused even more suspicion. I had painstakingly waited two whole hours before making my move, planning to erase my presence and disappearing from the clubroom before either clubmate noticed my absence. To think my "Stealth" (rated 2 out of 108) had been countered so easily... Yukinoshita really was something else.
"Yeah. I'm meeting up with one of my old friends."
That seemed to pique her interest. "An old friend? I would not have thought you had any."
Her suspicion of me seems to have intensified...
"Very funny. Even I feel sentimental every once in a while, you know. Plus, I have a lot to catch up on with her."
A lone cell phone hit the floor. For reasons unknown, it was Yuigahama's turn to be shocked. "Wait, a girl? It's a girl? Hikki, you're seeing a girl?"
"You didn't need to say it three times!"
"I see," sniffed Yukinoshita, who despite her indifferent tone looked rather flustered as well. "I suppose what you do with your own free time is none of my business."
"Great. I'll be going then-"
"B-but just for the record, you've never exactly struck me as the sort of person who would go to such lengths just to catch up with someone. Are you and this friend... close?"
A casual question, but her face was slightly flushed. Was it from... excitement? As if Yukinoshita's uncharacteristic behaviour was not strange enough, Yuigahama seemed equal parts nervous and eager to hear my answer as well. What on earth...
...Ah, it's an interrogation. Could they have caught on to my plan already? So this is the power of a woman's intuition. I have to tread carefully.
"Extremely. I wanted to see her so badly that I just had to go before dinner, see," I replied, then for good measure added "In fact, I would say this meetup is the closest thing to a date I have ever participated in."
Silence.
If I was lucky, I supposed, they would have let me off the hook. If not, more questioning would most likely have ensued. Dead silence was definitely not what I had expected.
Maybe I went too far. Whatever little respect they had for me is probably gone now...
But the damage to my reputation had been done, and the only way to move now was forward. "...Got a problem with that?"
Surprisingly, the first to react was Yuigahama. "Wh- no, of course not! We just wanted to wish you, um, all the best... right, Yukinon?"
Yukinoshita coughed, as lightly and politely as was humanly possible. "Of course not. By all means, don't let us detain you."
Approaching the door quickly as if fearful of being recalled, I heaved a miniscule sigh of relief. What had I been worried about, anyway? There was no way these two could know what I was up to, and depending on how one looked at it they were fairly reasonable people...
"It's understandable that you would prioritise this old friend over club activities since both of you are so close, after all."
"...stupid Hikki."
Or maybe not. For some reason I felt like I had won the battle but lost the war.
[Hikigaya Hachiman, 28th June, 1650 hours]
The dinner crowd was already brewing when I arrived at the fast food joint. Surveying the mindless rabble before me, I considered muscling through the crowd as if it didn't exist, or tipping the supervising worker for a special service...
But that wouldn't do. Above all, she despised insincerity the most. We really were alike.
Forcing myself into a space at the back of the queue, I dulled my senses and simply existed.
It was safe to say that from the very day I started, I had made absolutely no advancement toward my objective of taking down the Service Club. There were external circumstances involved, but this was mostly due to my weakness; I had no problem admitting that. Even so, I wasn't intending to get rid of these weaknesses anytime within the foreseeable future. As a wise man once said, humility is required for change and pride is required for action, but neither are required for getting results.
My wisdom never fails to amaze me sometimes.
Yukinoshita and Yuigahama, on the other hand, had made steady progress. They were currently on speaking terms (meaning that Yuigahama could now talk freely in the clubroom without being scathingly interrupted) and their relationship had even progressed to the stage involving pet names (one-sided, of course).
As for my identity, the two of them were bound to figure it out if I didn't interfere soon. Yuigahama had an unshakeable sixth sense; her mind was slowly but surely creeping up on my identity, even if she wasn't aware of it herself. As for Yukinoshita...
I don't think they have even stopped to consider the possibility of a mastermind. Killing Hayama Hayato won't do anything for the school, you know that.
...in the recent fiasco, she had betrayed her innermost thoughts in a moment of panic. Come to think of it, it was highly probable that she had never really suspected Hayama to begin with. And if that was the case, just who...?
I've had my sights on you for quite a while, Hikigaya-kun.
A chill ran down my spine. How could I allow a few months of casual interaction to make me forget? That Yukinoshita Yukino was so much more formidable she appeared to be...
"Your order, valued customer?"
With bluish-white hair pulled back into a loose ponytail and wearing a set of crisp uniform, the staff member behind the counter stood at careful attention. Her face, predisposed toward scowling, was forced into a earnestly helpful expression which promptly disappeared the moment she realised she was talking to me.
I took a moment to admire the sight of her in her uniform. Kawasaki Saki really did look good in any outfit.
"Your order, valued customer."
"Ah, right." A low, unpleasant murmur was beginning to fester behind my back; it was a long queue, and I was holding it up. I leaned forward and placed my arm on the counter. "I need you to meet me at the back. In ten minutes, okay?"
"Wha-" The scowl vanished, a mortified flush taking its place. I took another moment to appreciate this. "A-are you stupid or what? There's no way I can-"
"But you have breaks on your shift, right?"
"Not in ten minutes!" she hissed, blush fading as she slowly regained her composure. Her scowl looked more like a pout now.
As a wise man once said, one must occasionally pause to stop and admire the things worth appreciating in life. Internally praising the extent of my wisdom, I stopped to admire the sight in front of me once more.
"Mama, what's taking the big brother so long?"
"Hush, Jotaro. You'll understand when you're older."
"Dude, that's one smooth kid. I really, like, need my burger though..."
Ahem... right. Back on task, back on task.
"Well like it or not, you'll have a break in ten minutes. So are you deciding on that yourself or do I have to arrange-"
"Fine, fine, I got it," Kawasaki mumbled, casting her gaze to the side. I knew she hated it when I did this sort of thing, but she really left me no choice sometimes. "I get it already, so could you at least order something?"
"Gladly," I replied. "Just give me... a cup of coffee. Pitch black."
[Hikigaya Hachiman, 28th June, 1705 hours]
I downed the cup as the door to the staff lounge swung open and Kawasaki presented herself like a force of nature. Her hand slammed down on the table in front of me, causing my now empty cup to eject itself onto the floor.
"You'd better have a good reason for this."
I smiled blandly. "Is it really that wrong to want to see an old friend?"
She let out an animalistic noise that sounded like a cross between a growl and a groan. "You made me cancel my shift halfway just to... yeah, no. That's nowhere near a good reason. And we're not friends."
I shifted comfortably in my seat as she took one on the opposite end of the table. "How hurtful, of course we're friends. And friends help one another in times of need, right?"
"Ah. So it was for something else."
I half-expected a look of disappointment, but the plainly defiant look on her face did not change. She must have already understood that I had no incentive to see her without an ulterior motive.
"I told you already," she hissed. Her eyes had narrowed to slits and potent killing intent rolled towards me in waves. "I'm not doing any of your dirty work unless it's an order."
"Then by my order, we are very good friends."
"Tch."
Kawasaki Saki, a student from Sobu High and in Group F. She was originally the eldest daughter of a regular civilian household. Her parents were scrupulous and prudent individuals, living upright lives and working reasonable hours to spend ample time as a family. Steady incomes, a wise investment here and there: they had paved a way to peaceful retirement by way of solid business decision making. In fact, the only error they made in this regard was making a joint investment with their old friends, the Hikigayas.
And what a fatal mistake that was.
"So?" Snapping out of my reverie, I noted that Kawasaki had a resigned look on her face. "What do you want me to do?"
"There's no need to rush into that," I said, spreading my hands out in a conciliatory gesture. "Let's talk a little. I need to know how you've been, after all."
Every minute spent here was a minute wasted. No matter how unlikely, there was the chance that Yukinoshita or Yuigahama would spot me leaving this place on my way out if I overstayed my visit. Even so, that was exactly what I was doing. Was it pity for the girl in front of me that had kept me from dropping my orders and leaving? Perhaps.
In that case, it was a twisted kind of pity.
"How I've been?" Kawasaki's expression had softened, if only just a little. "Well, I... I'm coping fine, I guess."
"You have, huh? As expected of you."
"O-of course, I dropped a couple of my part time jobs and stuff... nothing important, anyway. Just needed to spend more time on tuition and whatnot, y'know?"
"Mhmm."
"As for my... other work, I'm kinda skipping out on the special jobs. You're the one who said I could." Here she half-glared at me expectantly, as if daring me to rebuke her.
"I know, I know. I'm the one that said you don't need to do anything you don't want to, right?"
"Right," her defiance deflated. Everything I did had an underlying motive, and no doubt she was wary of my seemingly innocuous interest in her current life. Naturally, her efforts to figure out my ulterior motives were fruitless, for the simple reason that I had none. In fact, I did not quite understand why I was doing this either.
Be that as it may, I was not about to let this line of conversation meet such a pathetic end. "How's Taishi doing in school?"
Kawasaki Taishi was the secondborn of the Kawasaki family, currently studying in the same middle school that my younger sister had enrolled in. Due to the relationship between our families, Komachi and Taishi were fairly close friends.
Rather, they had been fairly close friends.
"I... I guess he's doing well enough."
I smiled. "His grades are good, right?"
"Yeah, top of the level." Then in an instant, her vaguely blank face sharpened into an expression of horror and indignation. "You didn't-"
This girl was so fun to mess with. "No, no. I didn't tamper with his grades or make any special arrangements for him. You wouldn't have liked that anyway, would you?"
The flush that had found its way into her face due to excitement had yet to fade; I could still see it as she sullenly glared at the tabletop. "And since when have you ever cared about what I liked?"
"You say the most hurtful things sometimes. Of course I care about what you like! You're precious to me, after all."
As her head snapped upwards, I noted that the flush found its way to her ears. "I-Idiot! Don't say things that you don't mean!"
I hadn't had this much fun in quite a while. "Wha- things I don't mean? But I do mean it, to an extent. You're just so caring and reliable, I know you'll be on my side when everything else fails. Isn't that enough of a reason for you to be dear to me-"
"A-Anyway! What do you want me to do?" Despite the intensity of her defiant glare, mortified tears (miniscule as they were) were beginning to form at the corners of her eyes. Perhaps it was time for me to tone it down.
"Right, right, the job. Have you heard of the Service Club?"
She glared sulkily at me. "A little, yes."
"As circumstance would have it, I joined that club. And I need your help to break it down."
"...oh."
I blinked. "What's with that reaction?"
"Nothing, really. It's just... when you mentioned a job, I was expecting something related to the things happening underground, or something..."
"Has there been more activity than usual?"
She shook her head. "I just thought you were up to something. You did bring in that chestnut haired boy two weeks back, after all."
Ah, right. Most of the eerie cult-gang amalgamation of Group C students the Service Club had encountered just two weeks prior were either too unimportant to capture or had escaped. The only clear exception was Rook, who had been knocked unconscious and taken into custody by the school administration.
"How's that freak doing now, by the way?"
"Hayama transferred him into one of our hidden facilities. He's still in comatose state, but just this morning we discovered some, uh, quirks about his body."
"Meaning?"
"Genetic modification to enhance his senses and physical strength. And half his skeletal system was replaced with some sort of alloy. We're not too sure yet, but I think he's one of the Spring Faction's combat toys."
I leaned back and contemplated this. Sure, he was tough when we fought, but I'd simply assumed it was due to my lack of focus. To think his body was actually primed for combat... that would explain why he had given me so much trouble.
"Um, so about my job..."
For the second time that hour, I was thrown off my train of thought. "Oh right. I'll give you the details tomorrow. I just came here to check if you were okay with it."
"...oh."
"Again, what's with that reaction?"
"I dunno, I just thought... well... what would you have done if I wasn't okay with it?"
"I would have asked someone else, obviously," I replied, absentmindedly retrieving my bag. "I did say you don't need to do anything you don't want to do, right?"
For the first time over the course of this entire interaction, silence reigned in the room. Disturbed, I turned to face her blank-faced figure. "What?"
She jerked to life, reflexively lowering her head. The flush on her face had disappeared, but for reasons unknown to me she was hiding her face anyway. "No, nothing. And, well... thanks."
"You're welcome, I guess." Puzzled, I stood up and beat a tactical retreat in the direction of the door.
...What was that all about? Anyway, I should leave as soon as possible before Yukinoshita and Yuigahama come here by pure chance and see me-
"U-um, hey."
I whipped around, doubly confused. "What now?"
"If you just wanted to ask me about this, why didn't you do it right after class or something? It would be way more convenient for you, and all that."
The gears in my brain ceased their centripetal motion. "After... class?"
"Yeah. You could have just stayed behind to talk to me. Actually, you never do that when giving me my orders, even though you do it for Hayama..." Then her puzzled expression narrowed into one of suspicion. "...wait. You do know we're in the same class, right?"
Of course, as an objective fact, I had always known that Kawasaki Saki was in the same class as me. But certain pieces of familiar information tend to ingrain themselves into one's subconscious without one realising it, and it had never actually occurred to me that Kawasaki, who I had known for years as a family friend and a loyal subordinate, was actually in my class.
In short, she was so unassuming that I had plainly forgotten about her.
I hesitated for one moment. One moment too much, I realised as her face gradually crept up the colour gradient to assume the shade of red I was so familiar with.
"You... you Idiot!"
Pens, files, my long-unused paper cup: everything was being thrown at me with dead-eyed accuracy. Depending completely on reflex action, I ducked behind the door.
"Wait, calm down for a second. I know I kind of forgot about it and caused you a lot of inconvenience as a result-"
"That's not it!" she screeched, hurling her nametag at the space between my eyes.
That hurt, dammit! "Hah?"
"I can't believe you!" The mortified tears were beginning to gather again, and this time I had no idea regarding how to stop them. "We've known each other for so long, and I thought you... and you just... urrgghhhhhh!"
"Wha- what I don't understand here is why you're so angry about it- oof!"
Having run out of small projectiles, she had resorted to the chairs. Unfortunately for me, there were many more of those, and my bulletproof uniform did not cover my face. Being the rational and experienced fighter that I was, I ran for it.
It had been so long that I had forgotten. Messing with Kawasaki was as fun as it seemed, but be it by accident or not, you did not want to push her over the deep end.
[Hikigaya Hachiman, Date and Time unspecified]
Which is harder: to dissolve a collective whole, or to break an individual?
The vast majority of people who ascribe to their overly-simplistic logic and claim without hesitation that the former is harder have evidently never attempted the latter. The concept of a large group of people being a collective whole - a organisation, a community, a society - is but a collective delusion. When the going gets rough, a great majority of an "organisation" will suddenly realise that they are, in fact, nothing more than a large gathering of individuals. And in this rare moment of self discovery, they will not hesitate to serve their own interests, the idea of the greater good far from their minds.
Source: Me.
On the other hand, dissolving the will of one strong person - no, even a complete wuss - requires significantly more effort. Unlike within the farce which we call a collective whole, individuals with a solid sense of individuality will not waver. Regardless of whether one wishes to become a CEO or a NEET, it's the same either way. Both are just a collection of capitalised letters, after all. But if they have set their minds to do what they want to do, an accomplished person will be an accomplished person and a shut-in will be a shut-in. And nobody will stop them; not without much effort.
To put it simply, it would be something like this. Which is harder: to topple a massive Lego tower, or to break a single block? When viewed with this perspective, the answer becomes incredibly intuitive.
But with this, a more challenging question comes to light. If one feat only requires a slight push and the other is downright impossible, then where on the spectrum of difficulty lies the act of separating two blocks?
Answer: It depends on how well they stick.
[Hikigaya Hachiman, Approximately 1 year ago]
"Hey, Onii-chan."
The weather was wonderful today, I mused internally. The wind's disposition was just right, the sun's rays felt pleasant rather than stifling and the sky was such a charming shade of cerulean.
"...Onii-chan."
The melodious sound of Cicadas shrilling, summer minus the scorching heat. Air dry enough for chirping sparrows to make their appearance, yet humid enough to brush your skin. People should take more time to appreciate the beauty in the ordinary days like this, really.
A light tug on the edge of my sleeve diverted my attention downwards.
My adorable younger sister was staring up at me with a weary expression on her face. Despite the wonderful weather, too... come to think of it, Komachi had been smiling less and less recently. In this situation, was it not my responsibility to act like a supportive older brother?
I plastered the warmest smile I could muster onto my face: the kind that only a teenaged boy who had spent years doting on his sister could muster. "What is it?"
"...we should go soon." As she said this simple line, her face jerked away as she avoided eye contact with me. It could have been my imagination, but I caught a hint of resentment on her face. Or was it perhaps disgust?
Deep within me, something bubbled.
Oh well, I suppose she's at that difficult age. "Let's go, then," I replied, holding out my hand. Grudgingly, she took it.
A gust of fresh air tickled our faces as we strolled out of the house, and I let out a sigh of contentment in response. "Today's weather sure is great, don't you agree?"
No answer. I looked down at the figure who was silently trudging alongside me, and the expression on her face did not belong to a thirteen year old girl.
Deep down, something unpleasant writhed and frothed.
We walked in silence, and after about five minutes or so the silence became unbearable. Surprisingly enough, the one to break it was her.
"Hey."
"What is it?'
"Kondo-san said he's coming over to our place to collect his due later. He'll kill us if we don't have it, he says."
Ah, so she was worried about that. "Don't worry, I'm sure we'll sort something out."
She stared straight at me for the first time in days, her eyes rimmed with red and her voice crackling. "We can't pay him back. You know we can't."
It was an ordinary day. I was about to make my ordinary debut in high school less than half a year later, I was part of an ordinary family with an ordinary sister and I was taking an ordinary walk to an ordinary location...
...and a loan shark was coming to collect money from us later. We could not pay him back. He would harass us until we could, which would be never...
It was struggling now, thrashing about in my gut and rapidly clawing its way up.
I swallowed.
"Don't care about these things. There's nothing much we can do about it at this point, right? It'll be fine! We'll convince him to hold it off, then I'll find a part time job. Everyone's getting one these days, anyway. It's only a few million yen, isn't it? Just leave it to big brother and enjoy the view for now. Look, there's even a rainbow-"
"I don't care! Stop hiding from reality!"
It was desperately trying to claw its way out now. Like a rush of boiling crimson from my abdomen to my head. Like flashes of white behind my wide-open eyes. A faint buzzing filled my ears. All sound muted itself, slowly but surely, draining below, behind, away. The buzzing thickened into silence, and there was nothing else.
Hello, the voice in my head said.
Hello. It's been a while.
Don't listen to her. She's just at that age, you know. You were like that once.
Was I?
Yes, you were.
I don't remember being this bad, though.
Of course you were. All kids are like that in their teens and you are an ordinary kid, remember?
Ah. Yes. Of course. But y'know, Kondo-san...
Don't listen to him either. He has no place in your ordinary everyday life. Don't listen to any of them.
But there's just so much going on. I'm at my limit... no, I'm past it already. I'm, I'm already...
No. No, no, no. You cannot be like this. You should not be like this. You will not be like this, no matter how much you want to. You are a bystander, are you not? You have your own life, and these people have theirs.
I can't, dammit! I'm losing-
Deep breaths, deep breaths. Now answer me. Who are you?
I am Hikigaya Hachiman. I am an ordinary student, living an ordinary life. It is an ordinary day today. The weather is great. My little sister is throwing a fit, just like any ordinary teenage girl. My parents are...
My parents are...
"...look at what's going around you for once!" Komachi screamed. My adorable sister. My always-smiling sister. My ray of sunshine. Her face was twisted into a rictus of hate and agony and negative emotion that I couldn't process in time. "And at least act like you're going to attend a funeral!"
My parents are dead.
...
...
It was coming. I felt it coming, and welcomed it. All the emotion that had been walled up deep inside was slowly freeing itself. Like the breaking of a dam, there was the rumble of an incoming torrent. All unpleasantness boiled, and converged into a focal point...
And a single tear rolled down my cheek.
Shell shocked, Komachi stared. The oblivious birds and cicadas continued their chirping. The sun shone.
...
...
There you go. Now you've had your little temper tantrum. Happy?
What... that's it? Just one teardrop?
Of course. What, you expected more?
But all these years... everything I've kept all pent up...
Now that's a laugh. Don't you know what being a bystander means? It means all this while, when your family suffered, you turned your face away. You didn't care. You've got nothing pent up.
No... that can't...
Oh, I get it now. All this time they were crying and you weren't, you somehow convinced yourself that you were being strong and holding it in, didn't you. You're pretty amazing in your own right. That wasn't a compliment, by the way.
What do I do now?
I've told you time and time again. Keep going. You've always been a bystander and will always continue to be. So keep staring at the sunlight and don't look at the rain. That's who you are, after all.
I guess so. Hey.
Yeah?
It's a nice day today, isn't it? And nothing that happens to me will change that.
...yeah. That's the spirit.
"...Heh."
"Onii...chan?"
The lone pathetic teardrop had long evaporated from the surface of my cheek. I plastered the warmest smile I could muster onto my face: the kind that only a teenaged boy who had spent years doting on his sister could muster. "Let's go, Komachi."
My sister resented me; I knew that much. Yet she took my proffered hand without hesitation, as if I was all she had left in an uncaring world. In fact, I probably was.
A gust of fresh air tickled our faces as we strolled towards the location of our parents' funeral service, and I let out a sigh of contentment in response.
"Hey, Onii-chan. That rainbow you said you saw just now..."
"I was lying, silly."
You don't get rainbows without rain.
[Hikigaya Hachiman, Date and Time unspecified]
Bear with me for a while as I trace my train of thought back to the aforementioned Lego Block analogy. It's a good analogy. But as fitting as it is, humans are not lego blocks. Comparing the two would be like comparing apples and oranges; no, it would be even more wrong than that. Baseless. Senseless. And above all, inaccurate.
And while fully knowing that I am reflecting the complex entirety of human nature on such a simplified and warped surface, I will continue to use this analogy. It's a good analogy.
There are several ways to separate a pair of lego blocks, the most obvious of which would be to pull them apart with brute strength. But say there exists a hypothetical pair of blocks that bond so cohesively that no physical force can take them apart. How, then, does one undeniably and indisputably separate two inseparable entities?
Breaking both blocks is certainly an option. In the human context, this would mean breaking two individuals to the point that they cannot bond or even interact with anyone else, let alone each other. But that method is crude. Inelegant. In fact, in doing so one would inadvertently glorify the broken bond in the eyes of others. "They clung onto their bond until the very end! How admirable!" and all that nonsense.
But it's simple, really. All one needs to do is to very carefully, leaving one block completely untouched, grind the other to dust.
Then and only then, upon seeing the untouched block sitting by itself amidst the powdered remains of its counterpart, will onlookers understand that the two blocks have been undoubtedly separated.
Practically speaking, there is no sane person who has ever used this method to separate two lego blocks. But. Lego blocks are not humans. In terms of intelligence, sentience, physical durability... the ways to contrast the two are endless; but most importantly, lego blocks are inanimate objects, and inanimate objects don't break themselves like humans do.
Like I had begun to.
That disgraceful scene on the way to my parents' funeral - although I didn't know it then, it had marked the beginning of the end. Or should I say the end of the beginning? 'Beginning of the end' implies that some significant finality was approaching towards my relationship with Komachi and my view towards the world. But that is not the case. It is more apt to say that a new chapter was being opened in my life. In retrospect, at the time, I had no idea what path I would be led down. Even now, I still have no idea.
That is why. I'll walk down the entirety of this absurd path, and at the end of it all I will look back. I'll twist and warp human nature to my amusement, and only then get around to understanding it. I will achieve my purpose, and only then will I discover it. And I will destroy anyone who gets in my way.
In my way... two rebels, bound by obligation. If I cannot separate both of you and place you on my carefully constructed tower, then one of you will suffice. The shining piece at the pinnacle of my twisted system. My masterpiece. And who could possibly suit the role better than the proud Yukinoshita Yukino?
Personal bias? No, no. It's only natural that the stronger individual should be the last one standing. As unfortunate as it is, the roles in my little staged comedy have already been set.
Yuigahama, I'm coming for you.
[Yukinoshita Yukino, 29th June, 1300 hours]
"Yukinon, Yukinon!"
Sighing, I squeezed my eyes shut and braced myself for the customary slam of the sliding door which I had come to subconsciously associate with Yuigahama-san's daily entrance. Surprisingly enough, it never happened. Instead, the door slid open normally and two pairs of footsteps echoed along the mostly empty clubroom. The evidently noisier pair approached me rapidly.
Yuigahama-san must have brought someone along to the clubroom. And this person was definitely not Hikigaya-kun; I would recognise the sound of his laid-back gait anywhere, and this person's footsteps were much more reserved. As far as I could tell from the sound, this person was used to moving around silently...
An assassin!
But before my eyelids could jolt open to regard my foe, a pair of hands had fastened themselves on my face from behind to cover my eyes.
"Guess who?" hummed Yuigahama-san cheerfully.
Judging by the scrape of a chair along the floor and the sound of creaking metal, the mysterious individual had seated himself opposite me at the table. My vision was disabled, I was in a vulnerable seated position, and I was probably being threatened with a weapon in case I tried anything. There was no escape.
So that's how it was... knowing my habit of shutting my eyes in response to annoyances like her, Yuigahama-san had used the opportunity to catch me off-guard and disable my defenses in an instant. I had been so wary of her all this while, yet had failed in the most crucial moment. Inwardly, I cursed my carelessness.
"I see," I said. "So it is the will of Group S to have me silenced?"
Yuigahama-san laughed sheepishly, in the same way she would in response to something she didn't quite understand. "Hey Yukinon, the jokes you make can be really weird sometimes! Ehehe..."
Much to my surprise, the hands covering my eyes were lifted. I opened my eyes to take a look at my assailant...
A female schoolmate sporting a bluish-white ponytail and a sullen look sat on the chair opposite me. Both her hands were rested on her lap, meaning that I was not being threatened with a weapon. On my left, Yuigahama-san had casually taken a seat, humming to herself all the while.
...was this some sort of psychological tactic?
Stealthily, I slid my right hand into the pocket that held my chloroform-soaked handkerchief. "Yuigahama-san, what is this?'
"Ta-dah! It's the first proper client our club has gotten in ages!"
"No, I was asking why Kawasaki Saki-san from Group F is doing your dirty wor- wait, what?"
Yuigahama-san gave a nervous laugh. "Ehehehe... I guess that joke is kinda funny? So you can stop now, okay. It's alright, Yukinon, yup."
Opposite me, Kawasaki-san gave me an affronted look. "I don't think it she was joking. Anyway, how do you know who I am? You a stalker or something?"
...Oh. It appeared I had overreacted. It was an actual client, who would have known. Fighting the mortified blush that was threatening to show itself on my face, I spoke in a level voice: "Of course I would know. I studied all the Group F students for a period of time."
"Uh huh," Kawasaki-san replied flippantly, her expression betraying an inordinate amount of suspicion. "Um, so I was talking to Yuigahama and I kinda let slip that I had money problems..."
"So I told her to come right here!" chirped Yuigahama-san. "We can help her, right?"
"I'm not too sure about that, since the problem does not involve the school..." I sighed, massaging my temples. "The issue is that you lack sufficient finances, right? What is the source of this deficit?"
"Four siblings. And my parents won't be able to afford my college fees, so I'll have to start saving up now."
"Saki-chan wants to get a part time job, but the school probably won't allow it," Yuigahama-san chimed in. "So we need to find her one that doesn't clash with school hours, that she can keep a secret from the people around her."
"I see," I replied. Students getting part-time jobs was definitely against the school rules, and given the fact that Kawasaki-san was in Group F, the school administration would stop at nothing to hunt her down if they found out. "This seems to be the kind of problem that requires critical thinking, which is unfortunately not my forte. Let us begin our discussion when our last member arrives..."
As if on cue, the door slid open.
With his unmistakable lazy trudge, Hikigaya-kun made his appearance. "Sorry I'm late."
"Don't worry about it. It's nothing we're not used to, anyway," I shot back as he took a seat on the far end of the table. Kawasaki-san stared incredulously at him, then at the distance he had put between the rest of us.
"I said I was sorry," he protested, not looking sorry in the least. "Who's this?"
"Kawasaki Saki-san. You know her, right?"
"Y-yeah. We're... uh... oh, right. We're in the same... class..." He shrunk away from Kawasaki-san's murderous glare.
Was it my imagination, or were they behaving overly familiar? "As Kawasaki-san has been telling us," I explained, "she needs a part-time job that she can keep hidden from the school administration."
"Just get her a night job or something," he yawned, flippantly waving his hand. "Nobody will know. As long as she doesn't mind working night hours, right?" He turned toward Kawasaki-san who nodded brusquely.
His behaviour was undeniably strange today. Even Yuigahama-san was staring at him curiously.
"That's a good idea," I said. "Speaking of working night hours, you look like you didn't get much sleep yourself, Hikigaya-kun."
"Huh? Oh. Yeah. I was up all night making... preparations."
My eyes narrowed. "What kind of preparations?"
His eyes flicked towards me. "Just some small stuff. Hiratsuka-sensei told us to decide on a location for the upcoming workplace visit and I was up all night researching."
A valid answer. A tad too valid, perhaps. To the point where it sounded rehearsed.
Something was suspicious here. I still had yet to forget Zaimokuza Yoshiteru-kun's case; although I had been unable to confirm it, I was almost certain that Hikigaya-kun had manipulated the request to some extent. Was this the same? Or perhaps...
How ridiculous, to suspect the two clubmates sitting on my right and left. But I had no choice: I had to take control of the situation.
"I suppose we are looking for jobs that will not be available in the newspaper, or online," I said. "In that case, we have no choice but to search for them in person. Isn't that right?"
Hikigaya-kun turned to regard me, unable to keep the uncertainty off his face. "You do realise you're suggesting that we search at night, right? When there are gangs prowling around and all that."
It did not matter which one of my two clubmates was in cahoots with Kawasaki-san, if at all. As long as I threw all three of them off, the tide would turn in my favour.
"Yes," I replied. "In fact, for practicality, we should do it as quickly as possible before the school administration has a chance to catch on. Let us conduct the job search tonight."
Immediately, one head shot up from its dormant position. "Wai-"
"Is there something wrong, Kawasaki-san? You look rather worried."
"N-no, I just... um. You don't need to do all that for me, really."
That reaction was too suspicious... "It's fine, Kawasaki-san," I replied. "What would the Service Club be if we hesitated to help a fellow student in need?"
The chance of collaboration and betrayal within the club was high; now all I needed to do was figure out what Kawasaki-san and her partner were planning to do. If said partner was Yuigahama-san, no doubt they had planned an ambush to take place somewhere in the dark streets of Chiba. In that case, my suggestion had probably thrown a monkey wrench into their plans.
If Hikigaya-kun was the partner, what would their collective motive be? To be frank, I still had little insight into Hikigaya-kun's thought process and ideals, meaning that to predict his actions would be a pointless venture. With Zaimokuza-kun's case as a reference, he most likely intended to cause unnecessary trouble for the club by giving us cases that were difficult to solve. However, I could not possibly fathom the reason why. Was this an action taken against me or Yuigahama-san? Was he trying to smoke one of us out or test our loyalty to the cause?
My train of thought was interrupted by a light cough.
"If it's tonight I'll have to pass," Hikigaya-kun announced. "I need my sleep."
This was to be expected. Regardless of his objectives or whether he was collaborating with Kawasaki-san, Hikigaya-kun would be in a better position when operating from the shadows. That was just the sort of person he was, after all. However, I had another curveball up my sleeve.
"Just as well. As a matter of fact, I will not be participating as well," I said. The air in the clubroom stilled.
"...Yukinon?"
I smiled. "I did not say it was an activity required for the entire club, did I? There are several risks associated with this job. The less personnel we have on it, the better. Besides, I have a personal affairs to attend to tonight."
It took Yuigahama-san around five seconds to digest the implications of this. "Then..."
Rising from my seat, I walked toward Yuigahama-san, placing both hands on her shoulders and staring straight into her eyes. "Yuigahama-san, this is an extremely important job. Kawasaki-san's future prospects, no... the Service Club's very name is staked upon your shoulders. Can I trust you?"
Her cheeks were flushed from excitement; obviously since this was supposedly her chance to prove her usefulness to me. "Yes! I'll do my best!"
"You can free up your schedule tonight, correct? Find Kawasaki-san a job that will sustain her and that will avoid detection."
"Yes, ma'am! I'll tell my mom..."
Hikigaya-kun had kept his face perfectly blank throughout the entire exchange. That might have fooled any other person, but having known him for half a year, I knew better. On ordinary days, one would be hard-pressed to find his face devoid of concentration, distaste or a mixture of both; his expressionlessness was an indication that he was withholding his emotions, and hence was a hint of inner turmoil in and of itself.
A student or two happily chatting, a student or two lounging around... the interior of the clubroom was undeniably peaceful. Few battlegrounds looked like this. But there was no better word than 'War' to describe it. Perhaps these three had yet to grasp this fully, but tonight was going to be the longest night they had experienced by far.
[Hikigaya Hachiman, Approximately 1 year ago]
The Funeral was lackluster.
There was no other way to describe it. My parents had never been social animals, nor had they been particularly well loved by the other members of our family, but even taking all these factors into consideration the paltry attendance at the funeral had been surprising. Perhaps it was shame from being associated with a married couple that had committed double suicide which kept their loved ones away. Or perhaps ignorance towards the whole affair.
Not that I cared.
Beside me, Komachi sniffled. This much was natural; she had just been rudely reminded of her parents' death, after all.
Finally, a normal expression... Before I could stop myself, a feeling of relief welled up within me. Immediately after came a wave of guilt and self-disgust that I was unable to quell either. My emotions really were out of control today.
It was a strange experience. Here I was, holding my little sister's hand, walking home after attending my parents' funeral, and yet I felt like I was looking all these events transpire through a pane of glass. A bird looking into a birdcage.
"Onii-chan."
Komachi was wiping away her tears with her free hand, her eyes two hollow vortexes of misery. There had been a time where I would have done everything in my power just to take that look off her face, but that time had long passed. Now, it was all unconvincing promises and false smiles. That thought was depressing, so I stopped thinking.
"What is it?"
"Kondo-san is coming at around this time. He'll probably be at our house before we get back..."
"I guess it won't be our house any more, then."
A weak sob escaped her lips. "Isn't there some law..."
"Irrelevant to us now, since our parents did a bunch of illegal stuff," I sighed. "I'm pretty sure these guys have the police and judicial system under their thumbs too."
A heavy silence hung over both of us as we dragged ourselves along. There just wasn't anything to say.
Hello, said the voice in my head.
Oh. You again?
I never left.
What do you want now?
Like I said, I never left. I'm not talking to you because I want to.
By the way, I've never really asked. I know you're in my head, but what are you exactly?
Your conscience. The part of your mind that reminds you to be honest with yourself.
...really?
That was a lie.
Figures. I guess you don't need to tell me... you're a part of me, right?
More than that. I am you.
You wouldn't happen to be holding on to my sealed emotions, would you?
Can't seal what's not there.
Figures. Hey, I don't quite know what to do at this point. Can you help me?
I'm as clueless as you are, y'know.
If nothing happens I'll probably die. And so will Komachi. Probably.
You should let it happen, then. Probably.
I guess so. It's all the same, anyway...
"Hey, Onii-chan."
I jolted out of my reverie. "What is it now?"
"I'm sorry."
The voice in my head vanished. In fact, everything in my head vanished.
"...you're what, now?"
"I'm sorry, I said." Komachi looked vaguely irritated, but it seemed to be more from embarrassment than from hatred. "About just now, when I... I blew up at you."
"There's no need for that," I croaked, still reeling from the shock. "I kind of deserved it."
"Even so," she mumbled, casting her gaze to the ground. "We're probably going to die soon, and I don't want to have any regrets when that happens. So bear with my selfishness just this once, okay?"
This was not what a thirteen year old should be saying.
This was not what a little sister should be saying.
Aren't all teenaged kids supposed to act like brats? Isn't the role of a younger sibling to cause trouble for her older brother? Why are you apologising? Why are you calling your apology 'selfish'? Have you ever been selfish once in your entire life? Have you?
My little sister. You didn't deserve this. Maybe mom and dad had it coming, when they decided to make that investment. You could argue that way. Maybe I deserve everything for ignoring the things that were happening before my very eyes. But what about you? What did you do?
Bad things happen to good people, I know that. I know that. But why?
Always smiling. Always cute, and acting cute just to cheer me up. Always caring. And to pay you back... no. As your big brother, I always vowed I would protect you when the need arose. And yet, why is this happening?
What am I doing?
It was happening for the second time that day; I could feel it. A fresh rush of negative emotion bubbling its way from the bottom up. Grief towards my parents' deaths, worry for my sister, frustration at how little I cared, everything. The voice inside my head had was saying nothing, so I read its lines by myself. This again? What a riot. When will you ever learn that you have nothing pent up at all? You can't even make a good show of crying if you want to. And what good is crying going to do?
You're always like this. Selfish to an unbelievable degree. Pretending to be so concerned for your sister but in the end only caring about your own emotions. Your own tears. Your own internal conflict.
How selfish. Extremely selfish. Ridiculously selfish.
And then, without hesitation or forewarning, a miracle occured.
Perhaps it was due to the pool of negative emotion threatening to overflow, or the stress from my circumstances, or perhaps even the despair from floundering around aimlessly for such a long time. Whatever it was, in that moment, something in me snapped.
...actually, what's wrong with that?
I tightened my grip on Komachi's hand.
"I'm sorry too."
She shot me a tired smile. "For what? Finally admitting to being a sorry excuse of a brother?"
I tightened my grip further. From now on, I promised myself, I was never letting go of her.
"Ah, sorry. That was a joke-"
"No, you're right."
"Eh?"
What kind of face was I making? It must be a very shocking one, for Komachi to show that kind of expression. "I have been a pathetic brother. But I'm not sorry for that."
"...eh?"
"I'm apologising for what I'm about to do." Turning around to face my sister, I gripped both her shoulders. "Listen up. Onii-chan's gonna be selfish too."
"W-what are you saying?" A halted, dry laugh. "No matter what you do, we have to go home right after this and face the music-"
"Then let's not go home."
"Wha-"
"I have some money on me right now. We'll go live at an internet cafe or something. When we run out of cash I'll find some work to make more. We don't have to face this."
"There you go again, running away from reality," she choked, tears starting to well up in her eyes again. "That kind of thing isn't possible. We'll die!"
"We're going to die anyway, the rate we're going. If Kondo-san wants our home so much, he can have it. He can take whatever we've left back at that place. But he won't take away our freedom. Trust your big brother. We'll make it somehow!"
"What... what are you..."
"Just imagine it! Nice and warm, with all the internet you want. You'll like that, won't you? It doesn't have to be a cafe either. We can sleep inside the library, go camping inside the park, maybe even spend some time on the streets to see what it's like. Imagine the possibilities!"
"What are you saying? You... you big dummy!" She was outright sobbing now. It was the childish crying of a thirteen year old girl, completely different from the despaired weeping she had displayed just minutes earlier, and the relief that came from seeing my sister finally cry like a normal girl far outweighed the guilt of making her cry in the first place.
"If gangs and loan sharks find us, we'll just move to another place. With my observational skills and your planning, I'm sure we'll be unstoppable! You can imagine it, right? The invincible Hikigaya sibling duo, toughing it out on their own!"
"Onii-chan." A pair of tightly-clenched fists grabbed the hem of my shirt and forced my head down, bringing my eyes to face her furious red-rimmed orbs. "Shut up."
I smiled; this was an improvement from what she had shown earlier. Or maybe I was a masochistic pervert siscon. I couldn't quite tell the difference. "I'm serious, you know. Maybe you think it's all a pipe dream, and you're right. But I want to make this pipe dream work."
"You... you're always so..."
Komachi's petite frame trembled with anger and exhaustion. Somewhere along the line we had stopped walking, a brother and his crying sister standing in the middle of the roadside pavement. An ordinary pair of siblings, in an ordinary place, on an ordinary day.
But maybe, just maybe, something extraordinary would be nice for a change.
Komachi hugged me, for the first time in months. Or maybe years. She grumbled into my shoulder, her voice muffled, "Komachi is mad at you, Onii-chan. I probably won't stop being mad, ever."
"I know."
"You're always like this. How many years has Komachi had to suffer because of your nonsense?"
"I know."
"But if you're gonna be selfish, I guess it can't be helped. I'll follow you to the end. You won't survive a day without me, geez!"
"Yeah."
Just like that.
Years of suffering and frustration melted away into a fresh start, and all it took was a miracle. Frankly, I hadn't expected it to be this easy.
The street had been completely empty during our entire exchange; only when the conversation had ended did a person show up on the opposite side of the road. A girl walking her dog. (It was a nice day for walking one's dog, come to think of it.) The dog, a dachshund, jerked its leash out of its owner's hand and raced across the road towards us while barking merrily.
Both brother and sister stared at the ecstatic dog and its panicking owner, and we simultaneously burst out laughing. In a society with so much filth under its surface, it was easy to forget that daily life and trivial events like this could happen too.
Komachi seemed to be thinking the same thing. "Hey, Onii-chan. We... won't be able to go back after this, right? To anything like a normal life."
"Yeah. Not like we have much of a choice."
"True, true," she hummed. "But it's fine! Let's go look for places to stay later."
"Yeah." Maybe life like this wouldn't be so bad if I could live it with my sister, I mused as Komachi let go of my hand and darted onto the road to scoop the dachshund into her arms. I smiled: a warm, familial feeling had filled my chest. Or maybe I was a sadistic pervert siscon. I really couldn't tell.
A sleek black limousine drove along the road. I was fairly sure it had exceeded the speed limit, and it took me a moment to realise what was happening.
A moment too late.
The crash was barely audible, for a crash. No sound of snapping bones or beaten flesh, just a soft thump. In that split second, before my mind registered it, my body could only watch as my little sister crumpled to the ground in an unassuming heap.
Watching from behind a pane of glass.
A bird looking into a birdcage, but trapped all the same.
Just like that. Didn't even take a miracle this time.
And I stared, like the bystander that I was and ever would be, at my sister who had been crushed. I stared at our bond, undeniably severed. I stared at the hope for our future that just wasn't there anymore. I stared, and I stared, and I stared.
[Hikigaya Hachiman, 29th June, 1800 hours]
"Aaaaand we're all set!" cheered Yuigahama, grabbing her bag. "Let's walk to the station now, Saki-chan! It's gonna be a long night!"
Kawasaki nodded, her face steeled with determination.
"Have fun, both of you," Yukinoshita said with a faint smile on her face. According to her she was going to head home right after this for a family gathering, but her real intentions were clear as day; she would be keeping a close eye on me just in case I tried to stalk Yuigahama and Kawasaki from the shadows.
All according to plan.
What I was planning to do would inevitably change the dynamic of my vendetta against the Service Club: whether for better or for worse was completely up to my performance. It was illegal, risky, and the consequence of failure could potentially cause me to lose my entire carefully-planned game. But this was the bare minimum I had to put in if I wanted a chance of victory.
What would Komachi say, if she saw me doing all this? Controlling the societal forces that had once oppressed us, toughing it out on my own, living the pipe dream that I had invented in a moment of impulse... would she be elated or disappointed?
If only you could see this... it's not quite 'the invincible Hikigaya sibling duo' without you, y'know.
Do I regret things? Maybe. But this is the path I've chosen to go down...
Shakily, I exhaled.
[Hikigaya Hachiman, Approximately 1 year ago]
I sat in a fetal position outside the emergency department of Chiba's only known hospital while my sister lay at death's door just metres away. The owner of the dachshund she had saved had apologised several times and had even accompanied us to the hospital, but she had gone to the washroom for around half a minute and I had already forgotten what her face looked like. The world was a blur.
Shock? No, denial. I sat on the floor, head between my hands and hitches between my breaths.
The voice in my head had returned, and I couldn't ignore it no matter how hard I tried. How was I supposed to remain calm in such a situation when I couldn't even shut myself out?
A commotion was brewing in my proximity, and the sound of numerous footsteps approached. Slowly, I cracked my left eye open.
A number of men in black suits and shades, the kind you would only see in movies, had surrounded the door of the operating room. If that wasn't bizarre enough, they were holding firearms that were all pointed at me. One of them, presumably their leader, stepped forward.
"Young man, I am not the kind of person who indulges in pleasantries. But out of sympathy for your pathetic state I will be blunt. Do you know why this is happening to you?"
My mind was blank. Something at the back of my head was telling me to run, but I only processed the man's question.
"...Are you guys from Kondo-san?"
"Ah, so you do not know. Very good. Then this ignorance shall be your final blessing." The sound of multiple rifles cocking echoed through the empty hall.
Empty... ah, they must have overpowered all the hospital staff.
"Ah, w-Wait! ...please. Just one question."
The man's eyes seemed to narrow. They were behind his shades, so it was hard to tell. "Very well. Let it not be said that Rei of the Winter faction is a heartless brute who will deny a dying man his last wish. If it is a question, I suppose I can indulge you."
"What... will happen to my sister?"
"She will die too, of course. Those who have seen Yashiro-sama's face cannot be allowed to live."
"No, hang on. We don't know anyone of that name-"
"Yashiro-sama is a highly important figure at the top of the winter faction and it would be undesirable If his identity is revealed. You saw him just half an hour ago as we performed a covert operation. That is sufficient reason to silence you."
Half an hour ago? Murky confusion floated amidst the sea of despair in my mind.
"...Oh. So you guys were the ones in the car?"
"Yes."
"I swear I didn't see the faces of anyone in there-"
"And how do I know you aren't lying?" Rei sneered, leaning in close that his face was eye-to-eye with mine. "Enough idle talk. Your time is up."
Finally. My time was up. How long I had waited for somebody to say that. How long I had waited for my comeuppance to arrive. Death was approaching in just a few seconds.
To me, who had absolutely nothing left, a few seconds felt like an eternity.
...
...
Heya.
I knew you would come.
Like I said, I never left.
This is it, I guess. You'll die when I die, right?
Of course. I'm you, after all.
I don't get that.
That?
What you're saying. How can you be me? I'm me, so you can't be me too.
Asking the real questions only when nothing matters anymore, huh. Well... to be specific, I'm the 'you' that you put away.
When I became a bystander?
Exactly. Out of self defense, your mind created a separate self to deal with your hardships, which is what you are now. In a sense, I'm more genuine than you are.
I see. I... really don't feel like living anymore.
It's a little too late to say that now...
I don't want to live like this anymore. Looking at my own death from a third person's perspective, it's laughable. Will anything change if I let you take over?
Not when all the fingers are on their respective triggers, no.
It's worth a shot. How do I let you take over?
Who knows? Maybe you've already done it. I am but a figment of your imagination, after all. Besides. Whatever happens, you'll still be you.
So I can't do anything?
Just wait for death, I suppose.
...
...
Komachi will die too.
Can't be helped.
I never got to apologise to my parents.
Maybe you will, if there is an afterlife.
I guess this is the point where my life starts flashing before my eyes?
Nah. That's the bit between the time you're born and the time you die.
I see.
...
...
I grabbed Rei's head and pulled it down.
A collective gasp rippled through the empty corridor. A number of poised fingers simultaneously stilled.
So this is power, huh.
"You little brat," Rei hissed, trying his utmost to worm out of my grip. Calmly, I slipped a thumb under his shades, probed until it found soft flesh, and pushed.
The imposing men in black suits shrank back as their leader gave an agonised cry. Now this was something you wouldn't normally see in a movie. I dug my thumb further into Rei's eye socket, using the inner surface of his skull for a better grip.
"I don't mind dying," I said, above the groans and cries coming from Rei of the Winter Faction. "But if you shoot, he dies as well. So you shouldn't shoot, just to see what happens. It'll be a lot more fun that way, trust me."
"You bastard!" roared one of the men. "You won't get away with opposing the Winter Faction! Let go now, and your death will be quick!"
That's true... I didn't think I would get this far.
All of a sudden, I was the main character of a bizarre story. Everybody's eyes were on me, watching out for my next move.
...
...
Um... hey. What should I do now?
...hello? Are you there?
...I see.
...
...
Shakily, I exhaled.
"Alright, then..."
[Hikigaya Hachiman, 29th June, 1800 hours]
"...Let's do this."
END OF CHAPTER 7
Author's Note: Hey I didn't take so long this time :) Next up: The most complex game of nocturnal hide and seek the Service Club has ever seen!