The two of them remained in bed for a while after cleaning up a bit, Shizuo absentmindedly stroking Izaya's hair. Izaya's breathing had long since evened out, leaving Shizuo to wonder if he had fallen asleep. He couldn't help but feel slightly proud at being able to get Izaya to cum twice. Even though he didn't really know what he was doing, he had at least learned Izaya's body well enough to figure out what he liked. Then there was that look in Izaya's eyes just before he came that was absolutely hypnotic. He knew he could never get tired of that sight.

If he'd ever doubted Izaya's intentions, that look in his eyes dissolved it away. He'd always heard that cheesy bullshit of "the eyes are windows to the soul" and always thought it was dumb, but the longer he spent with Izaya the easier it was getting to see his true feelings in his eyes even if he tried to hide them. When Izaya had told him to wait he could see the conflicting emotions in those eyes. He could tell Izaya had been nervous about going all the way and he was glad he had ignored Izaya's request to go harder. As much as he knew Izaya would still get there if he pounded into him as hard as he wanted, he would have missed out on really seeing the subtle reactions Izaya's body had to being treated so gently.

He had been watching Izaya carefully the whole time and he quickly came to the conclusion that Izaya himself may not have even realized how much he'd needed a gentle touch. The more gentle he was, the harder Izaya had gripped the sheets and grasped at Shizuo's arms, and the more his back arched. Not to mention the way his breathing quickened when Shizuo began thrusting shallowly into that one spot.

Izaya was quite simply breathtaking.

Shizuo allowed his fingers to trail down the back of Izaya's neck and back up into his hair. He didn't miss the way Izaya's expression changed subtly, his eyebrows slightly raised and the corner of his lips turning up just a tiny bit. It was nice seeing Izaya looking so content.

When his eyes finally opened again Izaya smiled, reaching up to lace his fingers with Shizuo's and pulling his hand to his face so that the back of his hand rested against his cheek.

"Shizu-chan," Izaya began, "This might be a weird time to do this, but I want to talk."

About what Jiro did to him? Shizuo wondered. There were still so many things he didn't know about what Izaya had been through. Details he wasn't sure if he should know or if he could handle hearing, but he was still so curious to know so he could help him better.

"You can tell me anything," Shizuo replied.

Izaya shifted a bit closer, meeting Shizuo's eyes. "You might not remember this, but the night I escaped from Jiro I actually ran into you," he said softly, "It was in the middle of the night and I think you had just gotten out of work somewhere. You caught me but let me go, sound familiar?"

Shizuo's brow furrowed for a moment. A time where he actually caught Izaya? Those were extremely rare. But intentionally letting him go…? His eyes suddenly widened in realization. There was only one time that happened. An image forced itself into the front of his mind. His hand on Izaya's throat, pinning him against a wall. Izaya had looked tired that night. And he'd flinched just a little too hard when his back hit the wall.

"That night was… oh fuck, wait you're saying you had just escaped that night?!"

The injuries on Izaya's back would have only been seventeen days old. Fuck he'd probably torn them open again! The more he thought the more he could remember. The disheveled look of his clothes, like he'd gotten dressed in a hurry, and how light and small he felt when Shizuo had shoved him against the wall… There had also been a certain dead look in his eyes. Shizuo had assumed it was the poor lighting or that Izaya had been tired or sick… But knowing what he knew now… it definitely hadn't been a trick of the light. Izaya really had looked that empty inside.

"Don't feel bad, Shizu-chan," Izaya reassured him, "That's not why I am telling you this. Also there's no way you could have known."

"Didn't I hurt you though?" Shizuo replied quietly, "I remember you looked like you were in pain…"

"Do you remember what you said to me?" Izaya ignored the question and continued, "'Why aren't you fighting back?', you said."

Shizuo's grip tightened. He did remember saying that. "I'm sorry," he whispered.

Izaya shook his head. "No, I actually needed to hear that," Izaya explained, "I'd already grown so accustomed to not fighting back that I almost forgot I could. You actually helped me by saying that."

Shizuo was reminded of the video he had seen. The desperation in Izaya's voice when he'd begged for the pain to stop…

"Please, master, I'll be good."

"All of the scars I have from him are the result of me trying to fight back," Izaya's voice was small now, barely above a whisper, "Eventually I… was too afraid to find out what else he'd do to me if I continued to resist… so I stopped."

Shizuo's chest tightened, his heart breaking for the man in his arms with every word as he continued, but he didn't dare to interrupt. Izaya rolled onto his back and stared at the ceiling as he continued.

"Then I had a dream that you saved me. You came in and took me away, but I woke up still chained to the wall. That's what finally broke me, you know? I just wanted you to save me. So running into you when I escaped was terrifying, but also I think I really needed it. So I wanted to say thanks for being there that night, even if it was a complete coincidence."

He could picture it almost too clearly. Izaya, alone in that room he'd seen in the video finally breaking down after weeks of torture. After dreaming about being saved by the person he loved… He'd wanted someone to save him, but the only person he could think of was the one that hated him… Had he completely lost hope knowing Shizuo would never go looking for him?

If Izaya had never found a way to escape… would he ever have gone looking for him? He wanted to think that he would have, but he knew that wasn't true. Izaya going missing and never coming back would have been a blessing to him at the time. And Izaya knew that. In fact, he'd intentionally forged that hatred over the years.

And even after all of that Izaya continued to start fights with him when his life began getting back to normal. It's entirely possible that things could have changed between them years ago if Izaya had reached out that night for help. If he had told him where he'd just come from… if he'd seen those wounds still so fresh…

He'd wanted my help so badly even back then, but he just let me walk away and leave him there…

I just… walked away and forgot about it…

But he didn't.

The gut wrenching pain that hit him hurt worse than any injury he'd had over the years. Izaya had only just escaped from thirty-seven days of hell. His injuries were still fresh, he had been beaten down so much he didn't even remember fighting back was an option… He'd probably been so afraid. Knowing what he knew now about Izaya's feelings towards him, Izaya had probably wanted nothing more than for Shizuo to protect and comfort him in that moment. Instead he threw him against a wall, strangled him, nearly punched the shit out of him, and just walked away.

Shizuo tried to blink back the tears forming in his eyes but ultimately he failed. He was afraid to speak and let his voice shake, but somehow Izaya sensed something was wrong and turned his head to meet Shizuo's eyes.

"Shizu-chan…" he whispered, concern in his eyes as he leaned over to catch Shizuo's lips in a soft kiss. "It's okay."

Thin arms then reached up to pull Shizuo close, Izaya shifting their position to hold him, his chin resting on top of Shizuo's head. Shizuo pressed his forehead into Izaya's chest as the tears continued to fall. He couldn't help but feel like he'd failed Izaya when he'd needed him most. He wanted to make it right now, but he couldn't even stop his own tears right now. Meanwhile Izaya was holding him so gently, as if he was the one who had been hurt.

"This isn't right," Shizuo mumbled.

"How so?" Izaya questioned.

"I'm supposed to be the one comforting you right now… not the other way around."

Izaya tightened his grip. "It might be hard for me to talk about it, but I've had plenty of time to think and reflect on what happened. The details are still new for you so it's okay if you need some time to process it all. I imagine it's hard to listen to but believe it or not, I'm actually very much okay right now thanks to everything you've done for me, so I don't mind if you need to let it out too."

"You don't have to do that…" Shizuo sniffed, wiping the tears with the back of his hand.

"Yes I do," Izaya said, kissing the top of Shizuo's head, "I'm your boyfriend, after all."

Shizuo looked up at that. "I thought you didn't want to call us dating yet."

"I think I'm more than ready now," Izaya shrugged, "I don't want to be afraid of being close to you anymore. I just want to be with you."

"Yeah, me too," Shizuo agreed.

"Anyway," Izaya said, playing with Shizuo's hair as he spoke, "if you have anything specific about what happened that you want to ask me you should do that now. I understand if this is all a bit heavy for you to hear all at once but I feel like I can say all of this right now so I want to get it out while I can, I just don't know where to start…"

"I just… I want to know what you've been through," Shizuo began, "All I know is what I saw and what I've been able to assume happened. I just want to make sure I'm not going to say or do anything that might bring up bad memories, you know?"

"I doubt you'd ever accidentally say or do anything he did, if that's what you mean," Izaya explained. "He wanted to break me down. Everything he said or did to me was with that goal in mind. If I ever stopped reacting to a certain type of pain he would change tactics. He wanted to make sure I didn't get used to it and that I would always be hurting in some way."

Shizuo bit his lip. He didn't like thinking about Izaya getting used to pain the way he described it. But something else had been bothering him for a while, and if Izaya was willing to answer he wanted to take the chance to ask. "How… how many times did he… you know…"

Izaya sighed. "To be completely honest I don't know. I stopped counting. It was probably multiple times per day but he kept changing the intervals of time, or at least I think he did. I had no way of tracking the passage of time. I'm pretty sure he intentionally gave me food at weird times to throw me off as well. Which reminds me, you should probably also know going forward that I can't see or smell rice porridge without getting nauseous or worse. That's all I had to eat and it was definitely drugged."

Drugged? He didn't like hearing that. He could imagine that probably made his perception of time even worse. Not to mention making it difficult to try an escape. Speaking of which… "How did you manage to escape?"

"Jiro kept the key to the chain I wore in the pocket of his jacket. He left the jacket in the room that night. It took a while but I was able to reach it eventually. There was what I had assumed to be a boarded up window near the ceiling which thankfully ended up being just that. I was able to uncover it and break out. This scar is from the glass." Izaya pointed to a jagged mark on the back of his arm near his elbow. "Thankfully I found my clothes still in the room, otherwise getting home would have been… much more difficult."

"He didn't… well… you don't think he left his jacket on purpose, do you?" Shizuo questioned.

"I really don't know," Izaya replied, "I've considered that a lot, especially recently. But in the end I really just don't know. I imagine he knew I wouldn't just let him get away with it, but I also wouldn't put it past him that this is all going exactly as he planned. Everything he did was intended to hurt as much as possible and the shit he's been pulling since coming back has admittedly been working a little too well on me."

"But why you specifically?"

"I think he saw me as a challenge," Izaya said with a shrug, "He knew about my growing reputation and he just wanted to mess with me. I never did anything to him personally, he just decided I was his target."

He had no reason to doubt Izaya was telling the truth. Not that it would have changed his opinion much if Izaya had done something to Jiro to prompt his attack, but it really hurt to think about how this all happened just because Jiro decided apparently on a whim that he wanted to make Izaya–a kid he didn't even know at the time–suffer.

Shizuo bit his lip. "When you first asked me for help I said you deserved him coming after you. I didn't know at the time, I'm so sorry."

Izaya shrugged again. "Like you said, you didn't know. But either way, I accept the apology."

"It… must have been scary. I mean, you have so many scars…"

He could feel Izaya take a deep breath and release it. "It was. To be honest some of the smaller scars I have I don't even remember very well."

"What about this one?" Shizuo rested his hand on Izaya's hip, lightly tracing his thumb over the kanji that read "slave".

"That one…" Izaya hesitated and Shizuo wondered if he shouldn't have asked about that one yet. "It's a burn. He wrote it with hot metal."

"That's… so fucked up."

"I've definitely got nerve damage there too," Izaya said with a sigh. "Most of it I actually don't have any feeling at all, but every once in a while it will hurt again. Nothing too bad, but enough that it's uncomfortable. Actually the last time it bothered me was during our last fight after you hit me with that beam. I must have twisted my body in some way that triggered it."

Shizuo frowned as he thought back to Izaya's condition when they last fought. He suddenly remembered seeing Izaya on the street as he struggled to get away from the building he'd been knocked into. "Is that why you were limping?"

"Well, partly, but I think that was primarily because I was hit like a baseball," Izaya chuckled lightly as if it were a fond memory, "But I guess it did make walking a bit more difficult on top of everything else. And before you say anything, don't apologize for that. I'm not having that conversation again."

Shizuo continued to brush his thumb over the area, wishing he could just erase it. It made him sick to think about Izaya being referred to as a "slave". He could only imagine Jiro called him that often if that's what he decided to burn into his flesh.

"Like I said, more often than not it's just completely numb," Izaya continued, "Right now I can see you're touching it but I actually can't feel it at all."

"Could Shinra fix it?"

"I'm sure he could at least make it less obvious, but I don't know how deep the damage actually is, so I'm not sure."

"You should ask him," Shizuo insisted.

"I've thought about it but Shinra would ask too many questions…"

"You're probably right, but wouldn't it be worth it in the end?" Shizuo asked, "I can imagine it's hard to have that reminder every day. Fuck, how in the world are you even remoltely okay after all of that?!"

"Clearly I'm not."

"You say that like you haven't gone years without anyone knowing any of this."

"Yeah, well, we've also established that I rarely talk about myself to other people," Izaya pointed out, "It has been pretty easy to avoid the subject."

"Even so, you've mostly been okay. You're strong."

"No, I'm not," Izaya said darkly, "I'm not exaggerating when I say I lost my mind in that room. I barely managed to hold myself together even after I got out. Those first few weeks of trying to adjust to normal life was hell. I also very obviously have PTSD."

"That doesn't mean you aren't strong. You still survived and have been able to keep moving forward. That's gotta mean something."

Izaya let out a dry laugh. "All it means is that I'm really good at hiding it."

Shizuo looked up, resting his hand on Izaya's cheek. "You're being too hard on yourself. You are strong."

"I guess that should mean something coming from you, shouldn't it?" Izaya half smiled.

"It should. Your resilience really is impressive."

Shizuo thought his eyes were playing tricks on him. But it wasn't a trick of the light, Izaya actually blushed at the compliment, turning his head to avoid eye contact.

"Are you actually blushing?" he teased.

"Shut up!"

"Don't try to hide your face or else I'll keep complimenting you!"

"Shizu-channn!" Izaya whined.

"You're so strong, and intelligent, and athletic, and you have the most beautiful eyes. Oh and you look really good when you cum."

Izaya covered his face with his arms but Shizuo could still see the blush extending to his ears.

"What, nobody's ever complimented you before?" Shizuo teased.

"It's different coming from you, idiot," Izaya replied, playfully smacking Shizuo on the side of the head.

"Hey, watch it, flea," Shizuo laughed, rolling to pin Izaya to the bed to see his face. He struggled for a moment before putting on his best pout. It didn't help much considering there was still a blush on his cheeks which Shizuo thought made him look even more cute.

"Shizu-chaaaan, let me go!" he whined

"Nope, you're too cute right now and I want to see you."

"You–nnnah!" The next insult twisted into a strangled sound as Shizuo quickly dove down to playfully bite the side of Izaya's neck.

"All these years and I finally found out how to make you shut up, huh?"

"I hate you"

"No you don't."

"You better not sleep tonight."

Shizuo laughed. "Is that a threat, Izaaayaaa-kun?"

Izaya responded by leaning up to quickly kiss Shizuo's lips. "It might be," he said with a laugh.

"I guess I'll just have to make sure you're tired out enough to sleep."

"Oh? Now that just sounds like a good time to me."

Shizuo flopped back down on the other side of the bed, interlocking his fingers with Izaya's. "Shouldn't be too hard to wear you out. I'm sure I'd outlast you."

"Is it a competition now?" Izaya asked with a laugh.

"Only if you want it to be. Could be fun to find out which one of us can last longer."

"It would only be fair if I got to fuck you too."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Shizuo asked, brow furrowing.

"Well, have you ever had a prostate orgasm?" Izaya questioned, "I'm willing to bet it would take your stamina down fast."

"That good, huh?"

"Do you think I'd want to be fucked if it didn't?" Izaya replied with a grin.

"I guess not," Shizuo shrugged, "I'm not sure if I'm ready for that quite yet though."

"Understandable. But I do want to try at least once, maybe just with my fingers if you don't want to fully commit," Izaya said with a wink.

Shizuo rolled his eyes. "I'll think about it."

"Good enough for now. Maybe watching me a few more times will pique your curiosity. Since you clearly like to watch me so much," Izaya grinned, dragging a long lick up the side of his finger that made Shizuo recall in a bit too much detail what Izaya's tongue was capable of doing.

"Okay, I think I'm ready to change the subject now," Shizuo said, bolting upright in the bed while Izaya cackled at the response.

"That's fine, we can always come back to the subject later," Izaya replied, stretching his arms over his head.

"So what's the plan for today, then?"

"Not sure, I haven't thought about it much yet. You have any suggestions?"

"Well, kinda," Shizuo rubbed at the back of his neck. He'd been wanting to talk about it, but wasn't sure when to bring it up. "I think you should talk to your sisters."

"Where did that come from?" Izaya asked, raising a brow.

"I've just been thinking about it a lot and… that sword girl was targeted by those guys involved with Jiro… I just think maybe you should at least warn them. I mean, he might even go after them intentionally to get to you…"

Izaya sighed. "I don't really think so, I'm pretty sure he knows we aren't that close. But I guess I should consider the possibility… I just really don't want to talk to them yet."

"You should," Shizuo pressed, "They're your family. Do it for me. I'd feel better if you did."

Izaya groaned dramatically, throwing his arm over his face. "Fine, just for you."

…~-~...

Izaya held the phone to his ear after dialing the number. He still wasn't thrilled about calling the twins, but Shizuo did have a point. Even if Jiro didn't intentionally go after them there was always the chance his subordinates went after them coincidentally. Kururi in particular could be a target with her quiet personality and body type. Mairu could probably scare away the average man on her own, but there were times where the two were separated.

"Hello?" Kururi's quiet voice answered on the fourth ring.

"Hey. It's me."

"Nii-san…? Alive?"

"WHAT?!" Mairu's voice shouted in the background. There were some fumbling sounds as Izaya imagined she was probably wrestling the phone from her sister's hand. "Iza-nii?! Hello?!"

"Yeah, hey Mairu."

"You asshole, where have you been? I've been covering for you when mom and dad called! You owe me big time. And I mean cash!"

"Yeah, whatever you want. As long as whatever you told them isn't ridiculous or depraved."

"Iza-nii…" Kururi said, "you're well?"

"I'm okay. I've just been laying low for a bit. Which is mainly why I'm calling. There's someone kind of dangerous trying to mess with me right now, I just wanted to warn you to be vigilant on the off chance he decides to target the two of you. Though it's unlikely."

"Eh? What nefarious crimes are you getting us involved in? You know things have been quiet lately. Even Shizuo-san has been pretty chill without you around. Speaking of whom I heard some joke going around that the two of you were seen together. Isn't that hilarious?!"

"Yeah, sure is," Izaya replied dismissively.

"I mean think of the implications?! You two almost kill each other in some grandiose fight, and that drop dead gorgeous Russian girl shot a dagger at you too! I can forgive her because she's so hot and you kind of deserved it. But then you mysteriously vanish for months only to return and casually hang out with the guy that beat you to a pulp?! What a scandal!"

"Okay well I think that's enough chat for today. Just watch your back and call me at this number if you hear or see anything suspicious."

"Iza-nii cares."

"... Yeah, I do. Bye."

"DID YOU JUST SAY–?!"

CLICK

Izaya hung up and turned off the phone. He would give it about an hour to give Mairu a chance to chill out before she immediately started trying to call him back for hanging up on them. With a long sigh he tossed the phone onto the table and hung his head.

"You happy now?" he turned to Shizuo who was barely holding back a laugh.

"I think it was a good start. But turning off your phone seems a bit harsh."

"If I didn't she would just keep trying to call back," Izaya ran his fingers through his hair, in frustration. "I'll turn it back on in a little while once she moves on."

"They're really not that bad, you know?" Shizuo shrugged, "I mean, they're more than a bit strange, but I don't mind them."

"They're just… a lot. I guess I don't hate them, but I can only handle them in short bursts before they start getting on my nerves."

"Are you going to tell them about us?" Shizuo questioned.

"Not yet. I don't think I can handle Mairu's meltdown when she finds out I'm dating you while she wishes she could date your brother."

"Maybe I'll actually get his autograph for them as consolation. They've been asking forever."

"No, you'd only be fueling the fire at that point," Izaya said with a sigh, "You can't give Mairu an inch or she'll take full advantage."

"Not unlike yourself," Shizuo pointed out.

Izaya rolled his eyes.

When he finally turned his phone back on two hours later he was surprised to find Mairu had only tried calling back twice. After that she sent a text. A photo of the two of them in matching outfits, smiling widely at the camera. Below it was a message that made the corner of Izaya's mouth turn up in a slight smile:

"[Let's get together soon, okay?]"