When handed a cup of tea by a vampire, the first question someone sensible would ask themselves is 'should I take it?'. For Dipper, this ran though even before they were seated in the lush, cushioned couches in the living room. All he had to do was see the cup and kettle across the large living room with various stuffed animal pieces (including one covered by a sheet that ominously looked humanoid), and he began to hypothesize an answer. Vampirism, pending on how it was contracted, could be contagious. It was often through bites, but there was a chance that vampire saliva could cause the change. Dipper wasn't feeling the desire to suck blood for the rest of existence. So, as he and the four sat on the large bright red couch in the surprisingly bright living room, he stared and carefully watched the two modestly dressed parents.

The woman, Elizabeth Edwardson turned from them with her constant apologetic smile, and lifted the tea. "We just brewed some passion orange. Would you like some? I'm sure being tied up in a noose by our son was exhaustive."

Dipper lifted his hand to decline–

"Yes!" Mabel barked. "Tea please!"

So much for planning Dipper internally grumbled as Mabel grinned ear to ear.

As the lady of the house brought tea over, Mabel chirped up further. "You have such a tastefully decorated house! I love your use of stuffed animals!"

"Well thank you, young lady," Peter Edwardson said, walking around from the hallway to a large plush chair across from the couch. As his wife poured the tea, he lifted up a small pipe from a box before him, atop a simple but well-crafted coffee table. "This house has been a generational piece for two hundred years. My father constructed it, and it was mine and my wife's pleasure to re-decorate it recently."

"I can tell," Soos nodded, looking over to a large bear, who was moved in a curiously modern position, as if waving while walking away, "I love the details you've put onto them – like they're still having fun."

"Thank you," Peter smiled, and lit the pipe, and pointed to the bear, "His name is Bundles. Poor sport was hunted by my father. We figured we could make his stay here more than just a trophies existence."

Dipper glanced up to the bear in question. Sunglasses were adorned onto its face on the bridge of its snout, and it wore a very large T-shirt which read 'Bearably awesome'. Mabel cackled under her breath as he scowled.

"And what's under that one?" Dipper looked over to the one covered in the sheets just as Elizabeth brought over tea for each of them.

The supposed husband and wife turned and stared at the white cloth. "That's Victor," Elizabeth grumbled. "And he gets to stay like that."

"Tea!" Mabel cheered and quickly sipped. "Ow! Hot!"

"Right," Wendy mumbled, staring at the cup in the plate in her hands. "I'll just... hold this."

Peter, the husband, shook his head with a somber look. "For his bad behavior, Victor stays under the sheet."

"He looks sort of... human," Dipper pointed out as he balanced his tea plate on his lap.

"He was," Elizabeth sighed.

"Dude," Wendy gasped and stared at the couple, mouth wide with shock, "really? You stuffed a human being?"

The two matured vampires shared a look, a regretting moment passing between them. "In youth we were much... different," Elizabeth explained.

"Oh, so you only once killed and stuffed humans," Soos nodded, studying them as he sipped his tea. "Oh! Nice flavors."

"Thank you," Elizabeth fluttered a smile.

Peter, his smile only slightly chiseling away at his somberness, chose his words carefully. "Our habits and... personalities," Peter answered Soos, "Have changed much over the years. We were once brutal and vicious hunters. Prowling the night and taking what we wished when we wanted."

"But times change," Elizabeth sweetly said, and sat on the armchair of her husbands seat, "And so do we," and she turned, giving a grin to her husband, who chuckled back.

Mabel cheerfully told them, "You're now upstanding citizens of Spoons!"

"That's the ticket!" Peter pointed at her with the pipe.

Dipper studied the two. "Is there a reason for your, uh, shift?" he asked.

"People, naturally!" Peter exclaimed. "Though we look it, we aren't the same species as humans are. We're are sourly outnumbered. Why try fighting when we can be more than happy just adapting to a lifestyle that, well, we rather enjoy!" he smiled and hugged his wife's midriff with one arm.

"You do it in spades," Mabel commended them, "It's like I'm in a perfectly normal home with no need to worry about safety whatsoever!"

Elizabeth held her hand to her chest as her breath swallowed. "That is the kindest thing I could have hoped you to say, sweetheart."

"Oh, see dear?" Peter smiled. "The kids in town are great."

"Oh, well," Soos held up a hand after a long sip from his tea, "We're not from around here, actually." Wendy and Dipper glared at him, and he flinched. "What? Well, you two aren't really," he said to Dipper and Mabel.

"They don't need to know more than they already–" Dipper grumbled under his breath to Soos, and glared back to the couple, who were busy staring dreamily at the four. "Uh... are you two okay?" Dipper nervously asked, wondering if the two were imagining sinking their fangs into his neck.

Elizabeth, a certain peace about her, told him airily, "We've wished for the moment we had guests over and they were more worried about their own deals than us in our status."

Dipper blinked. His mind was a great tool for solving problems and mysteries, and so it always worked to find the best possible outcome to his problems. In this case, he had prepared to destroy the vampires with whatever means possible. Yet... maybe... that did not need to happen. He cleared his throat and leaned forward. "Mister and Misses Edwardson," Dipper asked, "We're not from town. My friends and I-"

"And I'm his sister!" Mabel cried out.

Dipper glared at her. "-Are looking for a stone. We've come to town to find a stone called 'Starkissed'. They're super rare and hard to come by. We think one is around here. Could you help us find it?"

The couple listened to Dipper intently, his words caught and registered by them one at a time. Finally, they looked to one another, mouthing words. A full silent conversation passed between the vampire couple as they kindly debated something before the four.

"Well," Wendy sighed, looking to her tea, "At least it smells good. Right?" she asked the three.

"You not going to drink any of that?" Soos asked, putting his empty cup down.

"Knock yourself out," Wendy shrugged and handed it towards Soos.

"No!" Mabel pushed it back, "We gotta be polite! They've been super cool with us and stuff! I mean, look at that bear!" she pointed to the stuffed animal. Mabel insisted, "At least sip it, Wendy."

Wendy sighed, glowering at the tea. "I hate the pains I get after trying food and drink," she grumbled, and sipped quietly, "Ugh. It feels awful."

Suddenly Elizabeth stood. "Wait here." She then turned and left down a hallway leading deeper into the home, passing the bear and sheet-covered stuffed figure.

Peter leaned forward, placing the pipe aside. "We know about Starkissed."

"Really?" Mabel asked, and in her excitement, her tea slipped onto her knees. "Ouch! Still hot!"

Mister Edwardson cleared his throat as he told the four, "It's the jobs of those who do not age to be educated. I could tell you how much it weighs, how much each gram costs, and more importantly, where they come from." To that, the entire group leaned forward, Mabel's knees steaming with hot tea.

Dipper asked, "Tell us, please? It's important."

The husband nodded. "It's approximately the same weight of copper," Peter began, "Per gram it costs nearly five hundred thousand dollars-" Wendy's mouth fell open in an audible groan while Dipper felt numb, "-And it comes from atom sized gaps in our universe. Those gaps are known as source-points."

"Ohhh," Mabel nodded, her eyes glazed over. "So, it costs a lot and it comes from... another universe."

Peter shrugged. "More or less. So, I answered a question, "he looked to them, "Now answer mine, if you would. Why are you looking for such a rare stone, and how do you know of it?"

"We're saving the world!" Soos declared. Dipper's heated stare could have melted steel, and Soos noticed. "Ah. Sorry. Got really excited about the info we just snagged."

"Soos, the amount of lines you cross-" Dipper started.

"Here we are," a voice floated from the hallway, and the four turned their attention. Walking out and around from the distant corner was Elizabeth again, holding in her clutches a small box. "This was a present Peter's grandfather made for his son. It's something of an heirloom now."

"Yes. Open it for them, dear," Peter smiled.

Holding her fingers across the box, the four stared in anticipation. The carved tan and dark cherry wood was split as the crease opened wide, revealing the mouth of the ornate carved, handheld crate. Inside was a velvet lined violet, where a small metal choker rested. The four gasped- gold in make and lined with tiny pearls, the centerpiece of the choker was a tiny, marble sized stone. It gently hummed with light that swayed and swirled, a nebulous mesh of colors.

Mabel awed, her eyes taking up her entire face. She whispered, her eyes sparkling, "It's soo..."

"Small," Dipper blinked.

The couple stared at him. Their smiles, having grown considerably from showing off their prized jewel, became stagnant and stunned.

"Beg your pardon?" Peter asked.

"Well, I mean," Dipper felt his face heat up, and a nudge from Wendy told him he needed to fix his mistake, "I heard, uh, so much about them, and so I thought they would look bigger, that's all."

"Also, we once found one larger than a softball," Soos explained.

It was the couple's turn to react. Their mouths fell open, their fangs exposed as they stared in complete disbelief. After a moment, Elizabeth chuckled.

"Kids," she sighed, and closed the box, "Wondrous imaginations."

Dipper grumbled. Having them disbelieve them was one thing, but he was tired of having the excuse of knowing something elders did not always being connected to his age. His jaw tightened, he spoke up again. "I know that means a lot to you, but we need that-"

"I'm sorry, but the answer is no," Elizabeth answered quickly. "I was not kidding when I said it was an Heirloom. We're not just handing it away."

Dipper swallowed. He was afraid of that happening. He mustered his courage, and declared, "Then we-"

The front door from which they had all entered opened and slammed shut. The couple's confidence faltered, and they eyed the four. Without an explanation, a small bat flew in through the hallway, squeaking loudly.

"Hey now," Peter lifted himself up, pointing at the bat, "Don't use that tone with your mother, young man!"

"And no flying in the house," Elizabeth seethed, "You'll break something."

With a small poof of smoke, the bat vanished and an older teenage boy, dressed head to toe in neo-Victorian clothing stood. The four instantly recognized the figure- the vampire that had implemented the traps that caught them from earlier.

With a wild spin and hiss, the boy snarled at the four, and then to his parents. "Really!?" he yelled. "We're inviting prey into our house!?"

Mabel waved at the vampire, "Hi Pat!"

Peter, father of Pat, growled, "These are our guest, and you will respect them as such."

"Respect!? We're vampires, you idiot!" Pat Edwardson roared. "We command respect through fear!"

Elizabeth looked horribly flustered. "How dare you speak to your father like that!" Elizabeth shrieked. "You- you've been messing with that wolf-girl from next door haven't you!?" she snapped, "She's been giving you these habits!"

"I hate her, mom!" Pat shouted.

"That's it, young man," Peter stormed closer, "You are grounded!"

"What?!" Pat shouted, "For trying to be a real freakin' vampire!?"

Peter yelled at him, causing the four watches to recoil from his booming voice, "For causing a scene in front of more than polite visitors, for disrespecting your mother and I, and for bringing this house a bad name! You can forget about sleeping in a coffin until you're done with this ridiculousness!"

The pale face of the younger vampire went white. "But- I- my coffi-" and with a loud snarl, from which his voice broke various times, the young man spun and turned back into a bat, and flew back out.

The silence that fell after the door slammed was a troubled one. The four remained glued on the couch. They were all too aware of their awkward witness to family drama. It was almost too normal, even if they were immortal creatures of the night. Slowly, Elizabeth raised a hand to her eyes, and brushed tears from her eyelids.

Wendy cleared her throat, and softly said, "That was pretty rough. Not for my fam, but I can imagine."

Peter sighed. "He's... not always been like this," and he patted his wives' shoulders. "There was a time when we would sit together and play games, and talk about what normal people in town did for fun, make fun of them for it. You know – immortal shenanigans. Good times. But now that we're trying to acclimate, and since the neighbors moved in, he's become sour."

Mabel tilted her head. "Neighbors? You actually have neighbors?"

"Yes," Elizabeth motioned for Mabel to follow her, walking to the hallway. The four stood and followed, as Mabel led the shift to the new room. A large curtain blocked out a window, and Elizabeth pointed to it. "Check for sunlight, could you?" she asked Mabel.

"Course!" Mabel grinned, and poked her head under the sheets. "All foggy!"

"Excellent," Peter sighed, and pulled aside the curtains with a brisk tug.

Exposed before the six was a clear view of the garden in front of the house. There was an eerily similar house across the hill. The design was nearly the same, and sporting a larger family, the home was cozier. As the six stared, they found two younger children playing in the yard with a hound the size of wolf, where two parents stood proudly and watched, pleased with their kids happiness.

"Who're they?" Soos asked.

"They're the Taylors," Elizabeth hummed, her tone suddenly icy. Her smile thinned and her eyes grew a cold glare.

"Moved in a few days ago, out of the blue," Peter explained. "A lot of weird things have been happening since a few days ago, but their arrival and quick purchase of the land was odd."

Dipper watched, and found himself perplexed. "They seem... normal," he noted, watching the kids play around with the dog, who playfully allowed the kids to chase after him. Suddenly, the kids lunged at him, and the dog transformed into a young adult man. "Woah," Dipper said.

Peter hummed, and plucked with his voice, "Normal for shapeshifters, I suppose." At this point, the parents at the other house noticed them, and after a pause of staring, waved over. Peter and Elizabeth both gave small waves, their stoney faces unchanging.

Wendy shrugged. "They don't seem that blood-thirsty," she admitted.

"It's their second child, and oldest daughter," Elizabeth turned to Wendy, "The brat. Lauren."

"She and Pat are the same age you see," Peter explained further, "So, when the family moved in, we thought it'd be nice to introduce us to them. We met, and had a dinner together – which was marvelous really, being able to talk about how superior senses allow us to sense things normal humans cannot."

"Uh," Dipper turned and checked up on Peter, who continued to stare coldly out the window, "Right."

"But when the two, Pat and Lauren met and had a chat alone, our boy had been changed!" Elizabeth moaned, her voice cracking, "And he's never been the same! He's now constantly talking about how we need to be monsters."

Peter scowled, "For Christmas, he wants a guillotine. This isn't the French revolution."

Mabel stared at the parents, and then to the family outside. As she watched the children play, her eyes befell that of the over-watching parents. Something about their stares told her that they felt the same way as these two. The shape-shifter parents stared at the same place, talking so mutely that their lips barely moved. They were watching the Edwardsons watch them. There was mistrust in the families.

Then it clicked. She, Mabel, had heard this before from somewhere. She knew how two families feuding against one another could be helped.

"Hey, Daddy and Momma Edwardson," Mabel spun around, calling to attention of the two, "I have a proposition for you." To her bold words, all five turned and listened. "You see, I'm a matchmaker that even love-gods bow and respect-"

Dipper quietly grumbled, "Oh no."

"-And I think I have the skills to help your boy, fear loving, blood crazy son settle back to reality," Mabel offered.

"Really?" The couple asked in unison.

"But I have to ask," Mabel placed her hands together, eyeing the two with a predictive cunning, "How much is your son being on good terms with you worth?"

"The world," Elizabeth instantly said.

Peter's eyes shone with regret. "He has a few more years before he's fully mature, but after that," Peter quickly informed Mabel, "He won't age. Vampire grudges can last forever. We want our son back before that happens."

"Then, with a price back guarantee," Mabel said as she gave her widest saleswoman grin, "I'll fix your son, for the price of..." she held her hand out to Dipper, who stared at her.

Lost in her sales-pitch, Dipper looked around. "...Uh... what? Favors?" Dipper tried. Mabel smacked his shoulder. "Ow- Oh! Ohh! The stone!"

Mabel, standing at her tallest, proudly declared, "I, on the greatest honor of the prestigious and powerful matchmaking art form, will fix your son with the promise that you give us the stone."

Only a single glance was exchanged between the two. It was a fast, knowing look. Without another word, they communicated in the same manner that Dipper and Mabel had done so before. Elizabeth turned to Mabel, her smile an apologetic one.

"My dear... if you can bring our son back to us, as normal as he once was," she said, reaching out and placing a hand on Mabel's shoulder, "Than consider it done. But no stone until then."

"Then this is work for," Mabel reached inside her sweater and pulled out a pair of heart-shaped sunglasses, "The love-doctor."

Thirty minutes later, and never once removing her pink sunglasses, Mabel led the group into the 'General Spoons' store to gather date requirements. She already had quite the list of materials, and nothing short of absolute completion would do. Dipper, following her closely, eyed her critically.

"So, we're actually here to get supplies to kill them and get the stone, right?" Dipper demanded of Mabel, walking down the aisle with her as she casually threw item after item in his shopping cart.

"No!" she cheerily said.

"But you saw their son," Dipper reminded her, "And he's a mess! Thinks he's some Dracula, or something."

"And that's what we're here to change," Mabel smiled to herself as she lifted another of powdered hot chocolate mix into the shopping cart, "His sulky sullen bloodthirsty days into ones with a bright metaphorical sun!"

"And you're doing that with spoons and hot-chocolate?" he asked, examining package. "You realize that this is expire, right?"

"Oops, force of habit," she chuckled, "Still used to Grunkle Stan telling us to only buy old stuff."

Dipper eyed the tossed aside package as she lifted a new one into the cart. "Mabel, look, I know you're trying to do good here, but we're on a tight schedule. Vampires are evil by nature. Maybe we should just try to sneak in and steal the stone for ourselves. We know they have it, and we could easily get in-"

Mabel, to the world at large, stated, "Love triumphs more than war."

"Love causes wars," Dipper retorted.

"Whatever philosopher," Mabel stuck out her tongue. "To the cashier! I have some new jokes for the guy, just so he can see I haven't lost my touch."

"Who?" Dipper asked.

As they rounded the end of the line, they both spotted the counter, and behind it, a middle-aged woman with graying black hair. Dark half-circles rested under her eyes, and she growled as she adjusted the register.

"Of all the times to go to the hospital," she mumbled to herself as the two made it to the counter.

"Huh?" Dipper asked.

"My trusted employee recently was assaulted," she told them, scanning the spoons, marshmallows, hot chocolate, and various zany-flavored syrups with her laser, "And is recovering in the hospital."

"He was assaulted?" Dipper asked incredulously. Mabel worked hard to put the objects on the counter quickly, listening.

The woman explained, "About two hours ago, some punks came in and caused him to go into a seizure," she said, and held her hand out for Dipper for his currency. Slowly, eyeing her, he handed her the card. "I'm on the lookout for them while covering his shift."

"Huh, two hours ago?" he thought aloud as she scanned the card, "That's about the same time we-"

"Wow! Look at the time!" Mabel loudly cut in, "we really should be going! No receipt needed! Thanks, bye!" she cried out, snatching the card and pulling Dipper out of the store with the hastily bagged items.

Dipper eyed his sister. "Any reason we ran out of the store so suddenly?"

"We're in a rush, duh?" Mabel said, flashing her toothy grin. Dipper continued to watch her, noting how stretched her smile seemed to be, even up until the twins made it to the cars and bike, where Soos and Wendy awaited.

Wendy, leaning on Dipper's car, said aloud, "So, according to the local tweens, the goth kid who's always angry lurks around the graveyard, and will attack anyone who talks to him."

Soos added eagerly, "And the crazy wild girl likes to hang out on the beach, and sometimes chases surfers into the city, and then chases any car she sees. So, she's pretty much like waddles, but replacing hot dudes and cars with mush."

"Surfers aren't all that crazy," Dipper mumbled, eying a pair of young adult surfers, their toned bodies passing by.

"It's at minimum eye candy," Wendy nudged Dipper with a chuckle, who pointed looked away and sighed.

Mabel beamed. "Excellent. If we know that... I got an idea," Mabel said, rubbing her hands together. "This will take a bit of everyone's best, so I need to plan this with you all very particularly. You ready to hear a bit of Mabel Mastery?" she asked.

The four huddled, listening to Mabel's intricate plan.

It was later in the evening in Spoons Washington when Mabel finalized her costume. In the mirror of the restaurant she rented out for ten thousand dollars on the card, she adjusted the moustache beneath her nose that rustled against her lip. "Magnifico!" she tried. She didn't like that one. She cleared her throat. "Ahem- Magnifico!" she exclaimed in a grand Italian accent, flourishing her hands in the air. "Perfect!"

She was in the entirely empty bathroom of the "Il Cucchiaio Sporco", a small but well entitled cafe and restaurant on the outskirts of town. After a long struggle to dig up her materials, Mabel looked to her best attire. Somewhere between a music awards hostess and rave-dancer, Mabel checked the colors and wrinkles of her neon rainbow skirt. Then she looked to her face, ensuring the correct number of stickers on her face for the occasion. Three was needed, and she spotted three. "Phew," she sighed, "Looks like that's it."

She turned and left the bathroom. Awaiting outside was the entire staff of the restaurant, who eyed her choice of what she claimed to be 'Appropriate attire'. She clapped her hands together.

"Begin the cooking. One of everything on the menu!" she declared.

"Yes Ma'am," the head host nodded, and barked orders to the rest of the staff as they turned and began to rapidly work.

Passing by the interior work-place of the kitchens to the now empty restaurant, Mabel found her two friends and brother waiting for her by one of the lesser-used side doors. Unlike her, they worn their standard issue-gear. Wendy choked and suppressed a laugh from Mabel's choice wear, and Soos nodded, saying, "Nice."

Dipper was less impressed than Soos. "The heck you wearing?" he demanded of Mabel.

"My best!" Mabel proclaimed, "I was going to wear it to the last day of summer here, when me and the girls were going to hold the biggest party of the summer and rock out until we passed out, but I think it works as unofficial host."

"There are glow-sticks stitched into the skirt," Dipper pointed out.

"Yup!" Mabel nodded. "Oops!" she spotted on in particular as she checked the skirt with a small spin, "Missed one." She reached down, and with a quick snap of her fingers, broke the interior casing, causing the liquids to glow.

Despite her outburst from earlier, Wendy commended Mabel, "You're in the zone, Mabes."

"Oh yeah, I so got this," Mabel nodded to them. "Now," she leaned in, looking to Soos and Wendy, "They both got the invitations?"

"Sure did, hambone," Soos nodded, "I was able to get within reasonable distance to the vampire dude without him trying to kill me. I just left the note at his foot, and when he thought I wasn't looking, he picked it up and read it."

Mabel cheered, "Perfect! No one can resist my invitations!"

"Really?" Dipper asked.

"Well, people with souls can't," Mabel rolled her eyes. She then turned to Dipper, worried. "Vampires have souls, right?"

Before Dipper could answer, Wendy stated, "Well, at least wolf-girl is coming. She tried chasing me after I tried chilling with her, but I know she got the letter."

"Really?" Dipper asked, smiling, "You don't strike me as diplomatic."

Wendy scoffed. "I wasn't. When she started chewing on my boot," Wendy lifted her foot up easily, showcasing the very deep tooth and claw marks along her pant legs and now tarnished boots, "I punched her in the face hard enough to knock her off the side of the building I was climbing up. I saw her read it afterwards, so at least she got the message."

"Perfect!" Mabel leapt high, clapping her hands together like a hummingbirds beating wings.

"Mabel," Dipper confided in his sister, pulling her aside, "Are you sure about this? You'll be alone with two supernatural creatures – dangerous ones at that. We can just take option B and storm the Edwardson place until we get the stone, and then leave town."

"Dipper, please," Mabel flapped a hand lazily at him, "I've already been a werewolf once, and we've beaten down vampires before. What's there left to fear?"

Dipper immediately suggested "Your very life?"

"Broseph," Mabel gently chuckled, pulling out her glasses again, "This is my thing. I make people work like glue and even sticker glue!" she placed her glasses on, and wiggled her eyebrows.

Dipper narrowed his eyes at her. "You know I can't see you do that, right?" he reminded her.

"And besides," Mabel put a hand on his shoulder, "This is exactly like Romeo and Juliet. Two families who are at ends, and two young lovers. Fate is on my side with this one," Mabel explained.

"In Romeo and Juliet, the two started to fall in love by chance," Dipper pointed out, "And in the end they basically killed each other."

"In the name of looove!" Mabel cooed, "How romantic!" Dipper glared at her, and she nodded. "I got this. Give me some time with these two nuts."

Dipper, perhaps tired of his suggestions falling flat, or coming to acknowledge her expertise in these matters, nodded. "Okay Mabes. We'll be in the cars, watching. Don't get hurt, okay?" Dipper asked, his voice betraying his attempted stern voice, leaking through with definite concern.

"Get outta here, goober," Mabel pushed him aside, smiling, "This is my show."

He grinned and turned away, walking with the three out of the restaurant. Mabel was now alone, with the sounds of the hard-working kitchen in the background. With the sun dying through the windows, it was only a matter of time when the two would be arriving.

"Will you be needing help, Miss Pines?" one of the hosts approached her.

"No, Antonio!" Mabel barked, "This is work that I must accomplish alone! Leave me be!" The man nodded and curtly walked back into the kitchen. "Now, for the mood," she grinned, and quickly ran over to the only remaining table in the whole place. A small couple-sized oval was lit by the dim ambient light, and to Mabel's hope, her own candles she had bought- scented for 'Rustic Rome'.

With the two large glasses she had asked for in advance, she began to prepare her hot chocolate. Two large cups, one for each of the attendees, each overflowing with marshmallows, and topped with a single candied cherry. It was perfect- she almost wanted to fall in love with herself, but there were more important things than her own self-accreditation.

She stood away from the lit table with two chairs, and adjusted her skirt. It was ready. So she spun and watched the sun set.

One minute away.

The moment they walked in, Mabel had them trapped. Dipper had a good point with the vampires, as without permission, they could not enter a building, but Mabel had ensured that with the invitations. Once seated, she would begin the music and have her pre-set meals come out. Just in case they decide to resist, she had the staff with other meals on standby. They couldn't wiggle their way out of her love-trap.

And so, as Mabel grinned wider and wider, the sun finally settled away over the distant end of the ocean horizon.

She turned to the front just in time to see the neo-Victorian man walk in, scowling about. Mabel cleared her voice, and prepared her best Italian.

"Ah! Master Edwardson!" she said, twirling her fake moustache as she walked over. The man's eyes bulged. Either revulsion or shock was etched into his entire being.

"The heck- I thought-" then he blinked. "You!? The girl from my parents' place?" he demanded.

"It's-a-me, Mabel!" she declared, "But enough about me," she said, reached out for his arm, and pulled him over, "This is about your important-a date!"

"What is going on here?" he demanded as he stared around nervously, "I know you had a brother with anointed water. This is a trap, isn't it?!" he barked, being seated by the lone table.

"Now, now!" Mabel wiggled her finger, refusing to drop her horrendous accent, "this isn't a time for-a trapping! But an opening of the heart!"

"...What?" Pat blinked.

Mabel grinned. Either he was too stunned for words of and heard, to her incredulous shock, another pair of footfalls. Spinning about, she saw, to her glowing red cheeks as she beamed even wider, a well-dressed girl with curly hair walk in.

"Madam Taylor!" Mabel exclaimed, turning away from the vampire currently seated at the table, "Welcome!"

"I was told there would be free-" she stumbled at Mabel's sight, pointing to her face, "Are there... stickers on your face?"

Mabel winked and wiggled her lip, jostling the moustache left and right. "Only for the best occasions: sparkling ones!"

"Who are you supposed- hey!" Lauren Taylor whined as Mabel pulled her to the table, and placed her in the seat directly across from Pat, who's eyes darkened instantly at the sight of the girl before him.

With fire behind his eyes, Pat demanded of Mabel, "What is this?"

Mabel grinned, lifted her hands, and clapped them. "Dinner!" Behind her, three waiters approached, each holding trays anointed with metal covers to hidden plates. Between each of the three at the table a waiter stood, and then slowly lowered their trays before them, lifting away the metal veils. "For the starter, please help yourself to any starter."

"Wait, what?" Lauren leaned into her chair as she looked about. "Why?"

Mabel grinned, "Because this restaurant serves you two this evening," and snapped her fingers, "playlist!" she shouted. From the speakers, music began to gently sway through the air – of true Italian romance. She elaborated, "For tonight, the two of you can romance to your hearts content!"

Pat gagged. "Romance?!" he shouted, standing from his seat.

Lauren wretched. "Two of us?!" Lauren shrieked, also rising.

"Well, duh," Mabel rolled her eyes, "I'm the host. I'm not romancing anyone, at least not now," she grinned to herself, adjusting her moustache self-consciously, "And the staff are here to serve you."

"You mean this note I got," Pat held up his paper, "Was sent to me by... her?" he asked, pointing to Lauren.

"And this from him?" Lauren asked, lifting up her own copy.

"Hmm," Mabel leaned back, eying the two, "Maybe. But first!" she waved her hands around, "Eat!"

A long, suspicious pause flooded the air at her suggestion.

Pat scowled, "Why?"

"Why not?" Mabel shrugged.

"Because Italian cuisine is known for their use of Garlic!" he stated proudly and with conviction, "Something I am very allergic to!"

"Oh, well don't worry," Mabel said, and snatched a breadstick closest to her from one of the still awaiting waiters, "We made sure there was no garlic in the recipes this evening! It made some of the staff cry from grief to hear it!" True to her words, one of the waiters was tearing up, his nose sniffling gently. "See?" she said after taking a large bite from the breadstick, "Roman here can't get over it still."

"Or this could be a trick," Pat snarled, still glaring at Mabel.

"Look," Lauren stared between them, "I don't care anymore. I thought I was going to be dating someone legit here, not some tough-guy wannabe."

Steam might have started to rise from the vampire. "Wannabe?!" Pat roared back. "Says you, you sorry excuse for an animal!"

"Guys," Mabel held her hands up on either side, her mouth still filled with bread, "Please. This is a night for-"

"You're just lucky I came at all!" Lauren grumbled, stepping away from her seat, "You got a chance to see a real monster tonight!"

"Dressed like that, a monster is what I'd expect," Pat chuckled darkly.

"Watch it, Edwardson," Lauren snarled, showing her teeth as she leaned into the table, her fingers digging into the side. The three waiters leaned away, staring at her in fear.

"Make me, Taylor," Pat hissed back, his own fangs bared. The three waiters then back away from him, now caught between a rock and, as Mabel might put, another rock.

Mabel's grip on the breadstick snapped. Two halves of a mostly chewed piece of highly buttered bread flew apart. The two pieces, so conveniently landed on the still empty plates before the two youths. With the clatter of breadsticks, the two remembered that Mabel was still there. Turning to her, their rage slightly faltered. The teenager, who up until that point had been bubbly and giddy, simmered in a boiling anger.

With a dangerous calm, she asked of them, "Sit down, you two."

Lauren snapped, "Why should I? I shouldn't even take you seriously!" She then pointed, "You've got stickers on your face, for crying out loud!"

"These are perfectly reasonable stickers," Mabel snapped back, her voice never rising above a complacent chat, but the words forced out from her with jabs. She pointed to the highest, "This one, 'Life Sucks Without You'," which sported a silly vampire hugging a heart, "Leads into 'It's A Ruff Day Without You'," where a wolf gave big sad eyes outwards, "And they finally lead to 'Would It Bite To Be Mine?'," where a small cartoon werewolf and vampire hugged happily. "It makes perfect sense to use these in relation to the theme!" The two stared at her answer, as astonishingly well thought out as it was.

Pat folded his arms across his chest. "This whole thing is stupid," the vampire grumbled.

"Oh yeah?" Mabel slowly turned, the muscles in her neck tightening as she slowly turned to him.

He told her, "I don't eat with anyone. I'm top of the line predator, and she's number two, if even that," he added with a grin. Lauren snarled, and Mabel closed her eyes, a vein in her neck twitching. "I don't really see what either of you could do to stop me anyway."

On cue, Mabel shot her eyes open. Snapping her fingers, she called, "Pablo." Another waiter came over, and held up a chair. "Hand the chair to Master Edwardson."

"Understood," Pablo nodded, lifted up a spare chair from the side of the room and handed it to Pat. The vampire, stared at the wooden seat before looking back up to Mabel.

"What's this for? Want me to put you in your-"

Mabel roared and flipped her foot into the air with a blazingly fast kick. As the two supernatural beings gawked, the chair exploded into wooden shrapnel, thrown across the room with a clatter. Pat Edwardson was holding only the remaining chair leg he had been handed, and let it drop to the floor. The three waiters turned and leaned away, staring at her in fear. Now it seemed as if there were three hard rocks to watch out for.

Mabel, her voice struggling to remain level, told them, "I got a friend to do this for you," as she slowly lowered her still-lifted leg and place it into the ground. "He paid for an entire restaurant so you two could have a lovely date together, and see that there's more to you two than just the need to be a scary monster. I don't like wasting my friends money!" she shouted so hard that the moustache fell from her lip onto the table. Taking a moment to re-adjust her stickers and flatten down her skirt, Mabel leaned away, and held her hand back to the table. "Now, please sit. Or do you want to be the chair next?"

Pat instantly sat down, his eyes never peeling away from Mabel, wide and never blinking. Lauren watched him and Mabel intermittently, slowly seating herself with more dignity.

Mabel took in a long breath, and wiggled her fingers for a moment. Finally, she got a smile back on her face. "Now, appetizer?" she asked.

Pat, sulking, quietly told her, "I can only have blood."

The waiters gasped and stepped away from him, coming closer around Mabel and Lauren. Mabel sighed and rolled her eyes.

"Fine," she turned to Lauren, "How about you?" Mabel lifted up a breadstick, "They're still nice and waaaarm..."

Crossing her arms, Laruen grumbled. "I'm not hungry."

"For Italiano?" Mabel asked teasingly.

"No."

The three waiters gasped and stepped away from her, gathering around Mabel.

"C'mon guys!" Mabel sighed, "You can't be serious about this! This is all perfect!"

Pat mumbled, "Nothing about this is what I'd call perfect."

Mabel, tired of their continual antagonism, snapped at him, "What would be then, huh?!"

Lauren answered for him, "Not this."

"But... but the food!" Mabel pointed to the cowering waiters, "The setting! The music!" she held her hands to the ceiling, "It's all romantic and wonderful!"

Looking tired and worn, Lauren puffed out, "I'm not a romantic person."

"Everyone's romantic," Mabel quietly replied, "just not all in the same way."

"Whatever," Pat grumbled.

"Can we go now?" Lauren asked, playing with the edge of the plate before her, "Or are you going to try attacking us too?"

Mabel turned and looked to each of them. Their eyes only bore resentment. Not a spark of excitement or wonder flooded their gaze. Her heart, so risen and aflutter earlier had fallen to earth and broken upon the cold hard surface of reality. With a sigh, Mabel nodded. "Yeah, you can go."

Without another word, both stood and walked out of sight.

"Ma'am?" the closest waiter to her quietly asked. "Shall we, uh, put all the food into the goodie bags?"

"Yes please," she nodded grimly, her hair falling past her face. The three raced past her, calling to the kitchens in authentic Italian. One briefly popped back out of the door and called to Mabel.

He told Mabel, "We'll be charging for the broken chair too."

Mabel gave the man a single death glare, and he yelped before retreating back inside.

Taking up the chair recently abandoned by Lauren, Mabel plopped down and placed her head on the table. "What did I do wrong?" she asked the table. In her mind, it had all seemed correct. The last time she had made this attempt, there had been a string of circumstances that lead against her- by creating love, she upset the balance of friendships. In this case, nothing was clicking. Mabel knew in her heart that anyone can love anyone, regardless who they were.

"What am I missing?" she grumbled.

The doors opened again. Dipper called out to his sister, "Didn't work?"

Pulling her face across the table and up, Mabel saw her brother approach, hands in his pockets. She dignified his question with a loud raspberry.

"They didn't even want to sit at the same table," Mabel groaned, "They only sat down for a minute because I threatened them if they wouldn't."

Dipper snorted. "Sounds like you. Fall in love, or else."

"I failed as a match-maker," Mabel mumbled.

His eyes fell onto her darkened expression. "Mabel," he sighed, "Maybe this was one that we couldn't fix. That happens sometimes, it's not your fault. We can only just keep going."

"And what, go burn down the vampire house?" Mabel asked.

Dipper nervously laughed. "What? No!"

"Dipper!" Soos burst through the door, holding a large water-gun, "Just got the best one in town! I love your idea to load it with anointed water so we can-" Soos stared at the twins, one glaring at him and the other glaring at her brother. "Oh. Sorry. Twin moment. Gotcha. I'll uh..." Soos glanced at the staff by the kitchens holding up the bags of food, "Take this out to the car. And eat some of it." He snatched the bags and hoisted them out into the night.

Dipper turned back to Mabel. "Okay, yeah – plan B is still happening."

"Dipper, we can't just kill the vampires because we didn't do our side of the bargain," Mabel whined, stepping up to him.

Dipper debated, "Who said we're killing them? I mean, they're already undead."

"You wouldn't say that if Wendy was concerned," Mabel pointed out.

Dipper's face visibly paled. "We're not going to kill them. Well, unless they don't give us the stone," Dipper reassured her.

Mabel pursed her lips. She had made a promise directly to the parents, those desperate, pointy-fanged parents who wanted more than anything to just have a son they wanted to be able to relate to. Mabel knew, deep down, Patty was just a confused and upset teen, like others she had met. All he needed was someone else he could depend on, like Lauren! If only they could see eye to eye.

Mabel clenched her fist.

Turning to Dipper, she gave him a half-decent smile. "Okay, okay. We'll go. Just let me wrap up here."

"Okay. I'll wait by the car for you," Dipper said, and turned, walking out the front door.

The moment he was gone, Mabel made a dash for the side door, springing across the hardwood with a loud clatter. The door before her had no chance as she burst through it and darted into the darkening woods ahead. "Sorry!" she quietly said as she turned and waved behind her. Dipper may have the mission at heart if he was willing to storm the homes of vampires, but Mabel couldn't let it come to that.

There were non-numeric equations in her mind that flashed and darted around in her brain, desperate for a solution to why her expected set-up didn't work. She knew romance and the art of romancing; love was in her blood. It was simple and complicated, terrible and awesome, so cool and soo hot. What was she missing to help this puzzle piece?

So why didn't it work with those two?!

"What did I miss?" she asked herself as she stormed into the woods, stomping ahead of her. Marching up the mountain to find her two targets, Mabel by to re-call the disastrous date. "The food was provided."

"I can only have blood."

"Ugh, right," Mabel grumbled to herself as she recalled. "But that was so minor! Food, schmood. People can have dates without food! Why didn't they like it?" she asked to the dark canopy above. "What was missing that wasn't romantic?"

She sighed, climbing over a large log. There had to be something, something small she overlooked. "It was just great. Anyone would have liked it. What's there not to like?" Mabel questioned, pushing aside thick branches as she climbed higher and higher, finding fog around her. "Even a vampire and..."

Mabel slowed as her brain allowed her words to sink in her mind.

It had been a vampire and, well, not a werewolf, but a skinwalker of sorts. Not a human after all, but two young people of very different types. Something in that was the clue.

"I'm not a romantic person."

"Or do we see romance in different ways?" Mabel hypothesized.

Taking another step forward, Mabel heard a loud twig snap from under her foot. She looked down, only to be flung upwards. "TRAP ALERT!" she screamed, soaring upwards in a near slingshot. A mere moment later, something darted from branch to branch, racing closer and closer to her as she swayed on the springy rope while upside down. "Hey! Pat! Lemme down!"

A different voice called out, feminine and sharper. "Watch who you call Pat!"

"Wait, Lauren?" Mabel gasped. True to her guess, it was now the skinwalker who stood upside down to Mabel, looking down at her from the branch of the treetops. "I didn't know you were also into making traps! Gotta say, nice execution, girl."

"I'm not!" she hissed at him, looking around, "Look, Pat was getting a lot of scares from jumping at people, so I'm stealing his thing! At this rate, I'll be the scariest of the two, and then he'll finally tone down and stop acting like he's the better of the two of us!"

Mabel cocked an eyebrow at her. "Uhh, you sure about that?" Mabel asked.

Shrill and blasting the air, a sonic shriek had the two ladies clasp hands around their ears. A huge bat with a wingspan of nearly twelve feet soared in and swiped at the rope tying Mabel into the air.

"Hey!" Lauren yelled as the Bat soared down to the ground, "That's mine!"

Mabel wouldn't fall, not this time. She caught herself as she dropped. One branch at a time, she bounded from tree to tree, lowering herself some ten feet at a time. With one last leap, Mabel also landed with a hearty 'thump'. Rising up, she saw the form of the massive bat burst into smoke, and Pat walk towards her.

Pat rolled his eyes. "Oh, it's you again?" he grumbled, making a half-turn when he recognized Mabel.

"Yup," she said, "But I'm glad to see you couldn't tell it was me just because I have glowy-stick dresses."

With a louder 'whump', Lauren landed next to Mabel, and marched towards Pat. "What's with the form?"

Pat snarled and pointed up. "What's with the traps!?"

Simultaneously, they leaned forward and shouted, "I thought that was too beneath you!"

Mabel giggled. "You two are cute." Glaring at her, red flourished in their cheeks. "Aha!" she lifted a finger to the sky, "I knew it!"

"Knew what?" Pat snapped, taking a step away from Lauren, and from Mabel as she approached. "Not more of this love and romance crud again!"

"Sort of," Mabel crossed her arms as she approached, "This isall part of the same problem you both have!"

They both turned to her, staring. In unison, they asked, "Come again?"

Mabel grinned. "Let's start with the first question I asked myself about you two: Why do you do all this?" she pointed to her foot, where the tight noose of the rope was attached to her ankle. "Traps? Attacks? Why scare people?"

"Because it's what get's you respect!" Pat grinned.

"No, it doesn't!" Mabel laughed. Pat's jaw dropped as she shook her head grinning. "They just make you look paranoid, and silly! And trust me, I know both of those words very well."

"Can't say that about me, or becoming a huge monster!" Lauren boasted.

"I can!" Mabel pointed to her, and Lauren's puffed out chest deflated, "I was once a werewolf, girl! You're just a big, fluffy puppy who likes to chase cars too!" Lauren's face grew red hot, and she tightly wove her arms together. "You two are only looking at it at the surface," Mabel explained, "Why do you think doing these things get you respect?"

"Why?" Lauren asked, the deep red fading as she gave the question some consideration.

Pat was quick to explain, "Because in stories, monsters are feared, and fear is respect."

"Is it?" Mabel asked them, coming closer. "I know that in movies, people always are afraid of the monster, but in the end, the monster is always beaten, broken, and sad. People hurt what they fear," Mabel sighed, "Like girls who chase cars, or guys who like certain clothes," Mabel pointed out to the two of them, "Or girls who like dresses with glow sticks stitched in them."

There were sympathetic bones in their bodies. Pat's cheeks went Pink, and he looked in many directions, none at Mabel. "I.. uh... they're..." Pat fumbled at his words, playing with the fabric of his jacket.

Lauren said nothing, instead rubbing her arms, and then very quietly saying, "I liked the glow sticks."

Mabel grinned, and pressed on. "But don't you see, Pat?" she asked the vampire, now walking to him and reaching for his arms. "You already answered the question."

"I did?"

"What you want from doing this? It's not fear." she lowered his hands, and patted his shoulder. "Respect. Fear was just another tool you wanted to use to get to respect. You want to be respect for..."

"...who I am?" he asked, his eyes wide as he stared at Mabel.

"Well, at least that's what I'd want if I thought I didn't have any," Mabel rolled her eyes.

"But my parents try to make me into something I'm not!" Pat shouted suddenly; his voice taught with frustration Mabel had heard him once use earlier that day. "They want me to be some crazy house-vampire that likes the suburbs or something!"

"Hey... me too," Lauren slowly said, looking at Pat.

His eyes widened, and he turned to her. "You... you two?" he asked.

"Yeah," she scoffed, "Mom wanted to live with humans again, and that means whenever we're around them we have to hide our forms and not shape shift," she sighed.

"And I can't talk about how cool it is to fly to anyone anymore," Pat mumbled.

"Guys," Mabel piped in again, "this whole monster thing you've been trying to do was only just a way to break free from your parents forcing you to be something else. You thought you were escaping one stereotype," she waved behind her, to the generalized area of the two mountain homes, "By becoming another!"

Their eyes couldn't possibly grow wider. As once and twice before, they spoke together. "Whoa."

"Look," Mabel sighed, "I'm kinda not the person to ask about this, okay? I've always just been happy being me. I don't pretend to be anything I'm not. You know what though? My brother did that. He tried to be someone he wasn't for his own reasons. It only ended up hurting himself in the end."

She told them, "If you don't want to be something you're not, that's great. If you're not happy with what you are, you can change that too! Just don't jump to the opposite to fight what others want from you. Just be you, whatever that means. That's the best thing anyone could ask for, really. Because, in the end, we can always get respect from ourselves, and those we love. That," she pulled out a line of stickers, "And lots of portable decorations."

Pat stared at Mabel, his jaw still dropped. Then, from next to him with a sudden start, Laruen bent over, laughing. Her echoing laughter filled the trees as she began to cough, shaking her head.

"She... really does... have... backups... haaah," she wheezed as Mabel applied two more to her face.

"A-yup! Never hurts to be prepared!" Mabel said.

The vampire finally sighed, his tensely locked shoulders dropping. "I've been stupid," he admitted. "I just thought that if people could see that vampires still were scary, people wouldn't just think they were dumb, popular, pretty icons."

"Yeah, same, really," Lauren mumbled, "Wolf-people get a rep for being hunks and jocks. Sure, I'm athletically inclined, but I just wanna hang out."

Pat, very self-conscious, added, "I kinda got egged on when we met."

"Yeah... same," Lauren said slowly, "I never met a vampire-"

Pat continued, energy growing in his voice, "-Skinwalker, and thought they were really scary, so when we met-"

Lauren added, "-I got the idea I could show how crazy I was by-"

"-one-upping you!" The two declared in unison.

"Wait," Mabel spluttered, eyeing them, "This all started when you both, privately decided to start challenging yourself to beat the other?"

Lauren chuckled quietly. "Yeah... kind of competitive, since I have to do better than my big brother."

"I just don't like losing," Pat smiled timidly.

Mabel squinted at the two of them, "Instead of coming to each other for, I don't know, to talk or stuff?"

As if hearing the concept for the first time, the two turned and stared at one another. A simple stare slowly became a long, soul-gazing study. A new life washed into their hearts and minds, and they truly saw each other standing there for the first time. Pat slowly reached his hand out, barely getting it out to past his side. Lauren came the rest of the way, grasping his hand and pulling it to the center.

Mabel bellowed into the sky. "Master-level matchmaker!" As the two jumped a foot in the air at her outcries, Mabel ran over, grabbed a sticker and slapped it on their hands. "You may now kiss the bride!" Mabel declared.

Pat, red in the face, snorted, "We're not married!"

"On contraire," Mabel pointed to the sticker, which was a pair of wolves holding hands, with the title of 'Howly Matrimony'.

Pat burst out laughing, pulling away his hand from Lauren, which took the sticker with him. The skinwalker snickered and watched him laugh for a moment. Lauren admitted, to Mabel, "He's kind of handsome now that he smiles."

Mabel smirked. "Mmhmm. I was wondering if I just needed to have you guys in your own preferred settings for the kind romance you needed. Took me a while, but spooky woods seems more your style," Mabel explained. Lauren smiled and nodded, and eyed the laughing vampire with her own, gentle smile.

"Mabel!"

From the bushes, Dipper, Wendy, and Soos all appeared, holding water guns and water balloons, and various holy symbols strapped to small belts around their forms.

"We got your back!" Dipper shouted, 'cocking' his soaker gun in his hands.

"Beat you to the punch," Mabel grinned as Pat and Lauren nervously stared at the religious symbols. "Problem solved."

"Wait... what?" Dipper asked, his action-ready pose falling limp, "Mabel, it's been ten minutes since they left the restaurant! Wait. No. You mean to say you came up here-"

"Yup," Mabel nodded.

"-found them, talked to them without incident-"

"Mmhmm."

"And got them to settle with one another all in ten minutes?" Dipper gasped.

Mabel beamed. "I am truly a Disciple of the Love god."

It wasn't long before the Edwardsons spotted their son walking back to them, a sheepish smile to his face and a tiny apology for his behavior. With the help of Mabel, he was able to explain his actions to the best of his ability, and better yet, how much he just wanted to feel he was himself.

"Don't worry," Elizabeth had said to him, "We all go through that phase. And we'll keep in mind that for now on, sweety."

"Yes," Peter had chuckled, finding solace that he could speak to his son without argument again, "There are worse things you could do. Date that girl from across the street, for example?"

The laughing father had been less pleased when his son quickly came forward with the news that he and Lauren, the girl from 'across the street' would be dating. The settled tension started to again bubble when Mabel rapidly reminded the parents of her pay and due- the small marble sized stone.

"Thanks!" she said as it was gingerly placed in her hands. "Good luck, Pat!" she grinned as she made a hasty one-eighty with Dipper and stormed out of the house. He winked back at Dipper and her, turning to hear the lecture about how dating a shape-shifter was an irresponsible thing. No sooner had the door closed behind them than the twins sighed.

"Man, thank god mom and dad don't really know what goes during the summer," Mabel admitted, staring to walk away from the door. "Different genders? Growing old? Becoming a werewolf! Hah. Crazy."

"Well, not like I didn't try," Dipper shrugged.

"Oh yeah, I remember that sorta. They thought you were going crazy for a while, didn't they?" Mabel grinned at him.

"A.D.H.D. It's not going crazy," Dipper defended himself, "And what's more, I didn't have it. I'd say you had it, but then I'd be doing a disfavor for the nine other weird mental conditions you have."

"Ha-ha, super funny, too bad I rock the match-making genius!" Mabel stuck her tongue out at Dipper, who rolled his eyes.

He pushed her head away with a gentle shove. "Yeah, yeah, okay; love won again. C'mon, doofus," he told her, "We got what we came here for. Zander'll want to send us somewhere else next. Let's get back into Oregon."

"We can leave Spoons now?" Mabel asked as the twins started walking down from the mountain, through the mists together. "Thank Moses. We need to bail town, anyway."

Frowning, Dipper looked to her and asked, "Any reason why?"

Mabel nervously tapped her fingers together. "No reason. At least none that incriminates Soos or myself in anyway."

"Oh," Dipper chuckled as he walked with his sister. A short moment later, he paused. "Wait. What?"

And so episode 1 is done. I know a lot of people were begging for a lighter tone switch after the heaviness of the end of Season 2, and I would agree with them. I can only hope I did them proud with these past two chapters. Making a comedy/light parody was difficult as it was hard, and I hope it paid off.

But next episode, we get a little feely. You those people Mabel and Dipper briefly mentioned at the end of this story? Those people we met in the VERY BEGINNING OF THE SERIES? We're going to be seeing them very soon. Along with a certain jerk who can't stop hunting the pines. Be prepared for excitement and drama again, as well as Soos and Wendy meeting the family. (yay Wendy ;3)

Bonus points for those of you who can pinpoint where exactly in this chapter I used, word for word, song lyrics for dialogue.

(A huge pair of spoons break out of the earth and smash into EZB, crushing him into a curved pancake before dragging him back under the dirt as the JAWS theme plays.)

Lying in the hospital bed, the weak and frail cashier to 'General Spoons', one Joseph Beekman, stared at the far wall. He had woken up not half an hour earlier, with his mind slowly recovering. Memories of the past day had totally been wiped from his head, but he had been told his reasoning for being in the Greater Spoons Hospital Wing was due to a verbal assault which triggered him to enter a seizure.

His family had visited him only a few minutes ago, with the intent on cheering him up. So, when they had left to 'check up on something', he awaited in his room, uncertain to their intent.

So far, he hadn't been able to say anything yet, only move gently and mumble sounds to his best.

Finally, the doors in his room burst open, and his mother raced in. Her eyes were wide with excitement as she called to him.

"Guess what Joe?" she asked, "We got the best we could!"

"Mmm," he nodded.

"C'mon in guys!" she waved, as the rest of his family rushed into the room. Trailing behind was the town mascot, the infamous 'Spoonman'.

Instantly, Joseph's body twitched. Memories started flooding back. He began to shake his head left and right. He needed to tell them to stop. The buzzing in his head was growing.

"Spoonman!" Josephs' dad chanted.

The man in the mascot, his face painted silver to match the spoon costume he wore, cheered. "Come together with your hands!" he shouted, clapping before him.

With every ounce of strength he had, Joseph muttered, "Save me."

His mom cheered with the 'Spoonman'. "I'm together with your plan!"

His body was beginning to tense up again. Joseph, with the rage of his family daring to bring yet another pun to his recovery was finally able to break from his tightened muscles and scream. "Save me!"

Although he was now totally ignored. His family only heard the rhythm and dance of the Spoonman. Joe was alone now. He slowly surrendered to the curse of living in the town named Spoons, lying back into the bed his body knew to be comforting, his mind only left blank. He was stuck here. Stuck in the town named 'Spoons'.

At least it wasn't a town named Forks. That would have been really stupid.

Zogvimzgrev grgovh rmxofwvw "Nrwmrtsg Hkzipovh", "Nzyvo EH Yvoov", zmw "Hgroo Yvggvi Gszm Gdrortsg."

-And-

Cnkt ck gxk mobkt znk zgyq zu ju znk osvuyyohrk, cnoin xugj ju ck zgqk? Znk Nomnxugj rkgjy zu g hkzzkx zusuxxuc, haz znk rucxugj sge zgqk ay zu zusuxxuc ozykrl.