I read over the document, silently praying that it's not what I think.
From: Erika L James
Subject: Christian Grey
Date: February 13 2019
To: Elizabeth Jenkins
Elizabeth, I want you to re-consider my recommendation of having my former student, Christian Grey, give the commencement speech at this year's ceremony.
I am aware that he's fairly new to this department, as well as the fact that this could further open opportunities for his career. But he has shown exceptional progress over the past few weeks and I personally believe that he will be perfect for the job, even with his limited experience.
If you agree, please e-mail me right away. I just cannot allow an opportunity like this to slip away from Christian's fingers, especially as I am not the only one interested in furthering his career.
E L James, Professor at Washington State University.
I breath an inward sigh of relief, but at the same time am pondering if Erika has completely lost her mind.
"It seems that Erika speaks very highly of you, Christian," Liz remarks, distracting me.
"I can assure you, Liz, I'm just as surprised as you are, but I have no idea what she's talking about."
"Christian, you and I both know that this speech is more reserved for the seniors of this department, and that the reputation of this university hinges on this speech. You have a major impact to leave."
"I understand, but I don't know why Erika would consider me. I haven't done anything worth paying attention to."
"Your students seem to respect you, but there's more than that to being a professor."
"What do you mean?"
"As a professor of Literature, one of your important goals is to get more people interested in the stories you're trying to present. You read them in a way that makes more people become attached to it, and not just through your students."
"With all due respect, Liz, I wouldn't say that's what I'm accomplishing."
"But it is. If any lover of books can get more people to become interested in them, then you know you're doing your job correctly. It's not just through recommendations or a summary, but how you present the work. I've seen what your students have said about you, and they've started reading more because you made them want to read more."
"Again, with all due respect, I wouldn't go that far."
"But it's what you've done. You and I both know that the majority of your students are only in your class because it's a requirement for their resumés." I know that much is true.
"Christian, I know you haven't been working here for very long and I understand why you wouldn't agree with me. But you're presenting something that I've never seen before, and if you agree to give the commencement speech, you'll be the youngest professor in the history of WSU to receive such an honor."
"I know, but…"
"No buts. I will admit that I was skeptical of Erika's recommendation for you, but after seeing how far you've come and the fact that more people want to attend your class, I think I'm starting to revoke my former judgement."
"I appreciate that," I reply. "But can I take some time to think about it and have a talk with Erika?"
"Of course, I understand. But if I can give a professional opinion, I highly recommend that you take this opportunity. The ceremony will be at the end of the semester, so don't take too long to think it over." Shit, that's only fourth months away.
"I won't and thank you for your time. I'll have a talk with Erika and get back to you as soon as I can."
"Good. Good luck and I hope you make the right choice," she smiles reassuringly and I shake her hand before exiting her office. I close the door and after taking a quick look around, breathe a huge sigh of relief.
Fuck, that was close. Too close. And what the hell is Erika thinking in doing this to me?
If only she knew about Ana.
Fuck. Not now.
I shake my head at the thought and start heading for my office. Erika has some serious explaining to do.
"Christian, I don't know what you're so worried about," Erika says over the phone, her confidence in me being very unhelpful.
"Erika, you should know by now that I'm not the right man for the job." And not just because of Ana…
"Christian, I wouldn't be endorsing you if I didn't think that you could do it. Trust me, you're more than capable for the job, so I really think that you should take it."
"Erika…"
"Christian, it's final. You were always my top student, and I'm not doing this because of my health. At least think about it, okay? I know you won't let me down." As if I haven't done that already…
"Fine," I sigh. "I'll think about it."
"I'm proud of you, Christian; no matter what. I know you won't let me down." Yeah, right…
"You owe me big time for this, Erika."
"I wouldn't expect anything less. Good luck, Christian. Remember the ceremony is at the end of June."
"I got it."
As I say this, I look up to see my sister, Mia, approaching me, looking determined as she does. What the fuck? She never visits me at work.
"You got this, Christian. I believe in you. Talk later," she says before hanging up.
"Mia, are you okay?" I ask after putting my phone away.
"Can we go out to lunch? I need to talk to you. My treat." Fuck, is she okay?
"Yeah, sure. Let me just lock up and I'll be right out."
"Okay, thank you. I'll wait outside," she says and just before she leaves, I can tell that she's been crying.
Fuck, what the hell happened to my sister?
I take Mia to a nearby restaurant and just after we make our orders, she finally drops the bombshell on me.
"Sean cheated on me," she remarks and I feel a sudden rage growing inside me. Sean was Mia's boyfriend for about two years, but none of us ever trusted him. How the fuck could he do this to my sister?
"What/ What happened?"
"He was visiting his family in Aspen, and a friend of mine saw him with another girl and they went into an apartment together. And it wasn't the only time she saw them."
"Are you sure?"
"She saw them kissing, but it wasn't the only thing she saw. Plus, he texted me and said we were breaking up."
"Oh, fuck, Mia, I'm so sorry. When did you find out?"
"Last night. Jenny wanted me to know right away" she replies, trying hard not to cry in front of me. She's never been cheated on before, so I don't know what the hell Sean was thinking. If I ever see him again, I'm gonna kill him.
"Why didn't you see Mom and Dad? Or Elliot?"
"Elliot was busy, Dad's on a business trip and Mom was working late last night."
"You're gonna have to tell them sooner or later."
"I know," she sniffs. "Fuck, I'm such an idiot."
"Mia, no. Don't ever fucking say that."
"But I didn't see the signs, Christian. I know none of you ever liked him, but why didn't I see this coming?"
"It's not your fault, Mia. He was an asshole for hurting you."
"But what am I supposed to do now?"
"You'll figure it out, Mia. It's his own fault for ever hurting you, not yours or anybody else's. You'll get over him, trust me, but I'm so sorry he ever did that to you. It's his fucking loss, not yours."
After a while, she starts to calm down.
"Okay," she says after a moment. "Thank you, Christian."
"It's gonna be okay; I promise."
When's the last time I gave my sister relationship advice?
Since you started fucking Miss Steele.
Shit.
"Are you seeing anyone right now?" she asks suddenly, surprising me as she does.
"No, why?"
"You've never given me advice about things like this." Fuck, even she's noticed.
"I've been hurt before, Mia. I know what it feels like." Especially with Elena.
"Are you sure? You seem more distracted than usual."
"Trust me, it's nothing. I've just had a lot on my mind, that's all."
"Has anyone even interested you?" Just one…
"No, but it's nothing to worry about."
"Christian, you've been single for a few years now. Don't you think that you should change that someday?"
"Mia, it's not that serious. I've only been working at WSU for a few weeks now, and the Dean just asked me to give the commencement speech at the graduation ceremony this semester."
"Wow, congratulations," she exclaims, clearly excited for me.
"Maybe if I'm lucky, they'll fire me on the spot."
"Why?"
"Mia, I'm not cut out for this job; never have been. I just don't why Erika offered it to me in the first place."
"Does that mean you wanna quit?"
"Maybe, but…" Then I wouldn't get to see Ana.
"Christian, you've always been so hard on yourself. Can't you give yourself a little more credit?"
"Mia, you know why I got this job. It's because I was Erika's student."
"And that's it?"
"What else would it be?"
"Christian, Erika didn't get you this job just because you were her student. She believes in you, and I know that it's for a reason."
"But she's acting like I deserved it."
"Maybe you do. Why else would they be asking you to give the speech if they didn't think you could handle it?" She might have a point there.
"I don't know," I reply.
"Just give it some more time, Christian. You're clearly good at what you do, and you should be proud. I know I am."
"I'll think about it. We'll just see what happens after the ceremony."
"Who knows? Maybe your career's just getting started."
I'm finishing up some homework for the next day in my office when I suddenly get a ping on my computer; it's an e-mail from Ana.
From: Anastasia Steele
Subject: Still Wish You Were Here
Date: February 16 2019
To: Christian Grey
Mr. Grey, how are you? Do you miss me? I really wish you were here.
Anastasia R. Steele
I smile at the e-mail, once again reminded of why I became attracted to Miss Steele in the first place.
Regaining my composure, I quickly type up a response.
From: Christian Grey
Subject: Me Too
Date: February 16 2019
To: Anastasia Steele
Miss Steele, I always miss you, and not just for various reasons. ;)
Are you still enjoying your trip?
I still wish I was there, too…
Christian Grey
Professor at Washington State University
With e-mails like this, I almost regret her going to London.
Get a grip, Grey.
After a moment, I get a reply, but a sudden race of anger overwhelms me as I read it.
From: Anastasia Steele
RE: Subject: Me Too
Date: February 16 2019
To: Christian Grey
Always, especially for those various reasons. ;)
I hung out with a friend of mine, José, and it was great getting to spend some time with him.
Anastasia R. Steele
What the hell? She was hanging out with another man?
Don't get possessive, Grey. She's just your student.
Confused and taking a deep breath, I type up my response, wondering what she's playing at.
From: Christian Grey
Subject: What Friend?
Date: February 16 2019
To: Anastasia Steele
Miss Steele, I'm happy that you had a companion. Should I be worried? ;)
Christian Grey
Professor at Washington State University
From: Anastasia Steele
RE: Subject: What Friend?
Date: February 16 2019
To: Christian Grey
Maybe. ;)
Anastasia R. Steele
Is she trying to make me jealous? Oh, this just won't do.
After thinking for a moment, I type up my response.
From: Christian Grey
Subject: Careful…
Date: February 16 2019
To: Anastasia Steele
Miss Steele, I know what you're doing. I might have to do something about that when you get back. ;)
Christian Grey
Professor at Washington State University
From: Anastasia Steele
Subject: Careful Yourself
Date: February 13 2019
To: Christian Grey
Bring it on. ;)
Anastasia R. Steele
Oh, Miss Steele is a temptress. I'll have to see what I can do about that. Trying to regain my composure, I type up my response.
From: Christian Grey
Subject: Challenge Accepted
Date: February 16 2019
To: Anastasia Steele
Oh, I fully intend to. ;)
Christian Grey
Professor at Washington State University
Oh, this is going to be fun. _
Ana throws her head back in ecstasy, screaming my name to the heavens as I blow gently on her clitoris and rise up to capture her pleasure in my mouth.
"We really need to work on keeping you quiet, Miss Steele," I tease as I kiss her again and she continues to pant hard.
"Why?" she breathes.
"So I can fuck you as hard as I can," I smirk and her mouth pops open in shock. I kiss her again as my lips travel down to her breasts and I take a nipple in my mouth.
"Ah," she cries out as I gently tug at her nipple with my teeth and twist its twin in-between my thumb and forefinger.
"Quiet," I whisper as I continue my assault, pulling gently with no attempt to stop. Her body rises and falls as she whimpers in response, and my hand travels down her stomach before reaching my goal. I gently tease her clitoris with my thumb and insert my index and forefinger as she cries out again, telling me that she's close.
"Say my name," I whisper as I gently blow on one of her nipples.
"Christian," she breathes and moans as I tug harder.
"Again. I want to hear my name when you come."
"Christian," she gasps and her hips buck gently as she matches the rhythm of my hand.
"Don't ever leave me," I say softly surprising myself as I do, but before she can respond, her back arches as she calls out my name in lust and I watch her body shake as her orgasm rips through her. As she starts to calm down. I remove my fingers from her clitoris and insert them into my mouth before kissing her as she shyly throws her arms around my neck and returns my kiss, giving me everything she has to offer.
"Don't ever leave me," I repeat as we try to catch our breath. She smiles shyly at me before kissing the corner of my mouth.
"I'll always be with you, Christian. Always," she smiles and I kiss her again before reaching for a condom and after sliding it on my erection, I gently spread her legs and I grit my teeth as I enter her again.
I wake suddenly and check my surroundings. My room. I'm in my room.
Fuck. What the hell was all that about?
I sit up in bed and put my head in my hands, trying to keep my breathing under control as sweat beads down my body.
What the fuck is this woman doing to me? And she's not even here? I know I persuaded her and gave into temptation, but even before we made love, there was something about her that I couldn't control.
You should've never fucked her, Grey.
Deep down I know this, but ever since she entered my classroom, I just couldn't take my eyes off of her and after she revealed that she was a virgin, I just knew that I had to have her. I've never felt this way before about a woman, but I don't know if I should be scared or excited. Fuck, Grey, what the hell have you gotten into?
The next day, I'm fencing with Bastille and, unfortunately, he can tell that something's off.
"Grey, you okay? You're a little slower today than usual," he remarks after I miss a shot at him.
"Just a lot on my mind, that's all," I say casually, hoping he doesn't notice. He stops fencing for a second and stares straight at me, looking serious as he does. Shit.
"Holy shit, Grey, did you fuck your student?" he almost shouts at me and I try my best not to react to it.
"What? No, of course not," I lie smoothly, hoping it sounds genuine.
"Then what the fuck is it, Grey? You know that she's off-limits."
"It's not like that, Claude. I've just been busy with work."
"Not busy with her, I hope." Fuck.
"She's in London, Claude. I would never disappoint Erika like that," I say defensively, feeling like shit as I do.
"Grey," Claude starts as he drops his sword to the floor and approaches me as he does. "What the hell is going on with you? If it's not that girl, then what?"
"What do you mean?"
"I mean that ever since that Ana chick came into your life, you've been too preoccupied and it's not with work."
"Claude, I already told you."
"Tell me the truth, Grey; did you fuck her or not?" Fuck, how the hell am I gonna get out of this one? If I tell him about our relationship, he's never gonna keep it a secret.
"I promise. Miss Steele and I don't have any kind of relationship and she's nothing more than a student to me." At least that's not a complete lie; I don't expect to go any further than that.
"You swear it?"
"I swear it."
"Then get your shit together, Grey. Your student shouldn't be doing this to you."
"I know and she's not. Besides, she has a boyfriend, so it's not like I had a chance with her at all," I lie on the spot and Bastille raises his brows in response.
"Really? When?"
"Not long after she started my class," I continue. "I've just been so side-lined with my other students; I don't remember exactly when it happened."
"And you're okay with that?" he asks suddenly. What?
"What do you mean?"
"Grey, you're attracted to her; I can see it. That doesn't make you feel jealous?"
"Why would I be? Like I said before, she's off-limits."
"Whatever you say, Grey. Just get your shit together, okay?" Easier said than done…
"Sure, Claude. Trust me, you have nothing to worry about," I reply, feeling myself die a little as I do.
After my session with Claude, I head back to my apartment and pour myself a stiff drink, desperately trying to get Ana out of my head. Thankfully, Claude didn't question me further, but what he said earlier is still ringing through in my head.
"Then get your shit together, Grey. Your student shouldn't be doing this to you."
Deep down, I know it's true, but honestly, this almost reminds me of my time with Elena. When I first came to her class, I was instantly attracted to her and tried to hide it as best I could, but one day I was helping her with something and before I knew it, my attraction got the better of me. And I've regretted it ever since. Shit. Then why am I making the same mistake twice?
You're into her, Grey.
Shit.
I think back to our e-mails and how jealous I felt of her friend, but I don't even know why that happened. If this is just a regular affair, then why the fuck am I feeling this way? And what's worse is that I don't even know how she feels about me. I know I wanted her, but it's much more than that. After we made love, I felt…something. Something I've never felt before, not even with Elena. The problem is, why am I feeling this way at all?
Shit, Grey, what the fuck have you gotten yourself into?