Ferelden has a special place in Leliana's heart for many different reasons. The one currently occupying her mind, the one most often, was him. The Hero Of Ferelden. Her comrade and friend. She couldn't help it. He came at a time of her life where she wanted nothing more to hide from her past, to become someone new. On the backdrop of a Blight where a vision arrived in her dreams to dive into that sea of evil. She recalls one night many years after the Blight was defeated where she had it again, diving down more sure than before. Only this time she was caught. In his arms, looking into his eyes.
She had the dream again last night. She knows it was no coincidence. The Inquisition was the only true force in Thedas that could defeat Corypheus and she was willing to do what had to be done. She was no longer the naive bard in Orlais or the Chantry sister in Lothering. She had become many things over her life and she took great pride in her ability to bring change to the world. Whether it was as the Left Hand of the Divine, the Inquisition's Spymaster or companion of the Warden. Today she was joining a meeting with others. One of which he had spent years with in court, rumors spreading of them being lovers due to his frequent returns after his duties with the Grey Wardens. The other the woman he left the world behind for and only Leliana and a select few had truly known this after some digging. But Leliana was for certain that her vision was no vision. Just her subconscious rearing its head about a question that's been with her since the Blight. A question she buried deep within for it did no good to keep wondering: Why not her?
The Ferelden air was cold and misty as they neared the Frostback mountains. The trees had begun to show signs of snow and the nights were starting to become uncomfortable. The duty of nightly watch had become more of a drain on the party but became all the more important following a recent attack at their camp by the Darkspawn. Something they had never done before. Pairs were selected at random, splitting the night in half so the remaining party could rest up properly. At the Warden's recommendation Alistair and him would stay up each night they possibly could taking separate shifts in case of another Darkspawn attack. Not everyone agreed with this idea but despite some protest the Warden said this was how it was going to be. At least until Orzammar.
Leliana didn't know when she had fallen asleep only that when she awakened and took in her surroundings she was where she last sat. The Warden stood beside her, standing in his full height in armor surveying his surroundings. The only thing amiss about him was that his cloak that was wearing was gone and it only took Leliana a moment to realize she was warmer, if only slightly more so, than before. She rose to her height causing the Warden's focus to shift to her for a moment before turning back into the darkened forest beyond the edge of their camp. The moon was being covered by clouds this night and rarely peaked out which only brought the thought of enemy attack even more so to the forefront of their mind. There was more than Darkspawn out there after all.
"I'm sorry. I dozed off, leaving you to watch the camp alone." It was the first words to exit her mouth and she certainly felt like an amateur again. Even after dealing with Marjolaine she found her making little mistakes at moments. The event must have shaken her more than she had thought despite the Warden's advice.
"It's alright. At least one of us should get some rest before the sun rises." His voice was low and gentle, trying to allow the others to rest properly. The bags under his eyes were easy for Leliana to see even by the low light of the campfire a fair distance away. Pack up, march, maybe fight something, break, march, rest and then nightly watch over and over for the past few days.
"Then it should be you. You're exhausted and you fight as hard as any of us if not more." Her voice was filled with concern as she spoke, her eyes gazing into his and she could feel that ever persistent fluttering in her chest.
"It's fine. I'm the leader after all. Set the example and all that. I won't let a little sleep stop me from performing in the day." He spoke with a jovial tone, trying to give an energetic grin but could only give a tired one. Leliana could only feel a bit of pain in her heart seeing that. His relationship with Morrigan was no secret and she had told herself to bury these feelings. But she couldn't help it. He was everything like a fabled man should be. Strong, dependable and kind. Looking to do right by all he encountered and never afraid to show his feelings or share his thoughts. She seen him at his worst, his most battered and bruised and he still smiled to ease their worries. She wanted to be that woman. That woman he laid with at night to ease his pains and to soothe his heart. But she was not that woman. She was not whom he chose.
She didn't wanna bother with it. She wanted it gone. She'd rather ask him directly. But he wouldn't understand. He'd talk about characteristics or behaviors or just say he loves the wild one. She knew what she wanted to ask. She knew what she needed to get out. As always Spymastering, delegating, fighting to win? Easy. Her love life? Never as she wanted it and always leaving her desiring a bit more. She had arrived a day earlier than her peers for this meeting and she was beginning to regret giving her mind the time to rest.
Life is a monotonous game for Anora Mac Tir. Where you're the top player and simultaneously at the bottom. Such was being the Queen of Ferelden, the daughter of Loghain Mac Tir and former wife of King Cailan. All things brought up about her in respect and disrespect. Early on she gained a thick skin. To look at insults not as attacks but as gaps in her opponents defenses.
Politics was nothing more than problem children being problems for the state. She learned who was reliable, who wasn't, their grievances and wants. She found their secrets and lies they didn't want circulating amongst their peers and outside their inner circles. It was just a continuous game of lies, deceit and blackmail. One she wouldn't stop playing till she was dead. At least there was times where she had support, a proper teammate.
Her husband, her father, her...chancellor. He was the most recent and, if she had to be honest, the most effective. His defeat of the Archdemon and stabilization of Amaranthine had garnered him a reputation of being steadfast and mighty against monster and politician alike. This pretty much assured her rule of the crown unopposed by any who may have had qualms with her taking the crown. Whether it was in the courtroom or backroom negotiations his presence diverted anyone who thought they could even possibly bully her, not that she'd have let them try in the first place.
But through the seemingly short years they had worked together their friendship had grown. She hadn't expected it and his reasoning for aiding her in court was one that gave her cause of suspicion. "I wanted to see how the decision makers of our country work. See it from their side.". As time went on and Ferelden began it's repairing process his presence was truly a blessed one to have. He was there for her. Offering a glass of wine and an ear to listen. It took time for her to trust him fully but when she did he became a shoulder she could lean on. A comfort, a friend and eventually someone she looked at with hopes of more.
"I swear they all want to be the first for resources but offer nothing in return when all is said and fixed."
"That's nobility for you." He had said the line multiple times over the months, it was almost a catchphrase. The first time he said it Anora thought it was a jab at her, one she didn't appreciate. But now it brings a laugh to her lips from their shared experiences in the court. The day had ended on a light note with obligations that tomorrow they could handle. The setting sun was a nice hint to start their festivities early or else they wouldn't truly get to relax from the day's trials. Wine bottles were opened and poured in the garden, guards were dismissed and the night was theirs. They did this often enough that they joked about assassination attempts. But none would come and if they did the Hero and Queen of Ferelden could take care of themselves. The swords hiding in the tree they sat underneath was evidence of their cautious minds.
The wine had flowed through her body, lulling her into a state of ease and she couldn't help but once again stare at him and his features. He caught her staring and he chuckled at her and shook his head.
"If you're coming up with jokes it's impolite not to share." She burst out laughing. He made her feel young. Young with no expectations as if she could ask him to run away with her. He'd say yes and they'd run into the night off into the country side just enjoying the thrill of freedom from their responsibilities. But that's not who they are. She remembered that night so vividly because for all the times they spent in court and the attires they had worn for various occasions this was the first night she wondered how he would look dressed as a king. He would look so nice with a crow-
No. No. Maker forgive her. Forgive her a thousand times for the thoughts that have gone through her head. For those days she felt too soon after Cailan's death to look upon another man with eyes desiring companionship. For those days of political battles and triumphs they won that made her want to jump with joy like a child. For evenings of laughter, nights of merriment and bliss. For the close moments she can't help but look back at when the stress is too much. For the courage, for the doubt, for the near meeting of lips and where her hands wished to wonder.
For the feelings of regret, anger and pettiness that came the next morning upon his request to find his one true love. Maker forgive her. Forgive her for she should never have went down this journey of desire. She was the queen. Her thoughts should always be on her people. Always. Today was no different as any other. Meet with those of self importance, delegate and focus on the country and it's people. No matter who may be attending. Even if one was the woman he chose over her.
Morrigan was not focused on the meeting at all. Normally she would be if only to hopefully ascertain any information that would prove enlightening. A slip of the tongue here, maybe something regarding the Rift and demons near a location of magical importance. Perhaps demons making their way through the nobility, using their desires to sow chaos and obtain more joy in their realm. If anything had been said Morrigan did not absorb a peep of it. The ring on her finger was throbbing and the emotions were strong. He was being pushed. Pushed to his limits and he was unsure if he could overcome.
"Is this meeting grating on you arcane advisor?" Anora had spoken and she sounded quite irked. There was already tension between the two women, words they wished to share. Some from curiosity and others from pettiness and rage. Morrigan locked eyes with her and the room seemed to freeze in the moment. Almost as if watching two dragons having a hostile meeting. A rare sight and one of potential catastrophic consequences. Morrigan rose from her seat in a flash, standing her full height and Anora's guard's hands reached for their sword's hilts. Morrigan's question lingered on her mind since she had arrived. Wondering if the queen's lips and her love's had ever connected and just how deep that connection was. But right now something more important weighed on her mind and she could no longer wait to address it. The witch of the wilds took a deep breath and steadied herself before speaking.
"Yes. It is." She spoke softly, venom dripping with each word before walking out of small meeting room everyone had gathered in. Normal folk would have looked astonished but the Inquisition's diplomatic party, Josephine, Cassandra and Leliana were all quite used to Morrigan's brass words. Leliana slowly stood up, following after Morrigan.
"I will have her rejoin." She spoke softly and gave a curt bow to the queen before leaving out. The spymaster quickly tracked down Morrigan and found her. She had not gone far. A small guest room filled with books, a nice sized bed and a recently lit fire probably a result of the witch's fire magic. Morrigan sat in front of the fire, her eyes focused on the ring on her right hand. The reflection of the fire gave it a mystical glow no doubt due to enchantments placed on it. Leliana did not speak and merely watched Morrigan who looked rather vulnerable with her the tips of her fingers gently holding the ring as if it was the most important thing in the world. It only took Leliana a second to realize she was speaking into it. Softly as if she was counseling it. The former bard took light steps closer, as quietly as she could in an attempt to overhear. After all invading people's privacy was her life's work.
"Do not fall. Do not fail. We have so much more to do. So much to see. You, me and Kieran." Morrigan's watery eyes threatened tears as she felt the desperation of her lover. She could not hear his words, feel his pain or see what foe was threatening his very life. But she could feel his fear. She's felt his defeat, his sorrow, his rage on this journey. She felt him in the middle of the night longing for her touch and embrace. His sadness in missing Kieran. His excitement when he got a step closer to the cure and a step closer to returning to them. She knows the very depths of his love and he knows hers.
"You do not die on me. You do not inflict that on me. Nothing in this world will separate us more than it already has. Burn this world and its monsters into ashes if they dare keep us apart." He could feel her emotions, feel her rage and anger. None directed at him but at this world again and again for what it had done to them. What it had taken from them. Their dreams and desires never in the equation. Only their obligation as small pieces to the largest of puzzles. His duty to the Wardens. Her mother's machinations.
"We will push back. We will conquer. All that stand in our way till we are together again. We will protect the life we have built." The tears threatened to fall as she could feel him trying to rise. Trying to summon the storm within him to reach new inner strength and become even more ruthless. She felt it in his chest trying to bubble, boil and consume his whole form in order to slay whatever threatened him. But like a flicker of a candle's flame in a storm it began to dissipate at the forces against it. The winds pushing it and the water consuming its fuel. She felt him slipping, nearly giving in. She knew it was his wounds for he would never give up. She would see to that.
"Fight damn you!" She nearly screamed out, the first tears running down her cheeks as she gripped the ring with her fingers with all her might. She could feel the rage bubbling in her as well. She wanted to be there. She wanted to save him. She was nearly the point of praying to a God she never believed in if it meant his victory and return. Practical anguish in her as she could feel the life she found true happiness nearly slip away. What would she tell Kieran? What would she do after? There was plenty. Much responsibility, much worry. But without his love? Without those beautiful mornings of awakening to him and those blissful nights of passion? She would turn cold. Colder than she had before. She would no longer care. Care for nothing but Kieran. But she wanted to care. He made her want to care. All the way since the beginning spark of their relationship. Despite how she denied it, laughed at it, spat in it's face it had changed her. It changed her for the better. She would at least admit that much. She can't lose him.
Then she felt it. The rising inferno inside of him consuming his form and all she felt was fury. She began chuckling, a smiling appearing on her face like cracks in a mirror. Crooked, uneven in the way it formed. Despite the limitations of the rings and the better enchantments she's placed on them over the years the enchantment often went beyond it's limitations. The more raw and powerful the emotion the more clearer it came through. Some emotions were clear in their meaning and intent. So clear you could practically hear them as if spoken words.
"How dare you make my love worry!" She began chuckling her old witch laugh. Cynical, cold and filled with malice. She wanted to see who or whatever pushed him this far and it's face as he tears it to pieces. Caused it to suffer and make it regret all of it's choices that lead it to where it was now. It was always a sight when the Warden had gotten serious. Even more so when he was pissed. Time was passing slowly. Only a few minutes had passed, barely under five before she felt his rage simmer down. It was still there, it had to be. Whatever wounds he suffered needed to be healed for him to survive and until then he would not let his rage die. She could just feel his hate and anger pulsing from him like waves from the ocean constantly beating at her feet. A rhythmic reminder to not be complacent until he's safe. She wanted to stay like this. Continue to feel the pulsing of his rage and then comfort him when he was safe. But they were grown. Much more grown than they were before and trusted each other implicitly. She chuckled lightly for she found it truly humorous. She had answered her own question.
The witch rose, stretching herself and gave a quick kiss to the ring on her finger. She sent him love, a little hope and just a dash of lust. She would be waiting for him to return home and she would rock his world so hard it'll effect his dreams in the Fade and make desire demon's blush. Morrigan turned to leave the room seeing Leliana sitting on the edge of the bed, bent forward as if she had just seen the most amazing sight. Not in awe like a child but filled with a newfound understanding of something she feels she misunderstood. Something that almost made her question her very definition of love. The two women looked at each other and didn't say a word. But they felt another presence and instinctively turned to it. Queen Anora. She stood at the door, looking as regal as ever and with the most neutral face. How long she had been there was anyone's guess but she simply turned and walked away at a pace that didn't indicate any thoughts. Such was a well trained politician.
The other two left shortly after her. No words were spoken. This was a private moment and despite that it was only moment to be for Morrigan something underneath the room's energy read that all three needed it. Two needed to see it to properly understand and one needed it to remind herself of just how important all the puzzle pieces were and how insignificant thoughts of jealously was.
One more chapter incoming. Hopefully not as long of a wait.