Before everyone else got up I got dressed in my best summer dress and stepped out into the still chilly air. It was Sunday morning and preparations to leave this town had already started. I knew that my parent´s didn´t like when I left because I couldn´t help them to pack everything up but it became a kind of tradition for me to excuse myself for Sunday mornings. I walked towards the trees behind our home knowing that there would be a street that I could follow to the nearby town. Walking in the shadows of the blooming trees made me regret putting on a dress because I could feel the foreshadowing of the nearing fall in the cold wind that grazed through the leafs. It probably wouldn´t even take a month until the first brown leafs would cover the ground. I was glad when I finally stepped out in the open and on the small street. Barely any cars drove by while I walked north following the line the asphalt provided. About ten minutes into walking the town formed in a distance and with it two figures walking towards me on the same side of the road. My heart stopped only to beat harder when I recognized golden wavy hair on one of them and when I heard their voices I was sure. My brother and Patrick walking towards me, joking, laughing, being generally silly and I felt ashamed because of how nervous I got as they got closer.
"Where is she going?" I heard Patrick´s voice and when I overheard my name I clenched my fists for a split second. Every muscle in my body tensed up in anticipation and my tension reached it´s peak when he finally looked me in the eyes, captured me and didn´t leave me until he stood right in front of me.
"How´s my favourite sister doing?", Danny laughed, laying his arm over my shoulders and pulling me close.
"I try to walk to town. What are you two doing here so early?" I smiled and shoved off his arm not letting my eyes leave Patrick´s for long.
"I showed him the corner store." Patrick answered and both laughed at their little secret. I didn´t ask further because I have already been late when I left home so I heavy hearted I said that I had to hurry and was about to say goodbye when Patrick intervened. "Can I accompany you?"
For a moment I stared at him startled while my brother joked about how he should not disturb the good girls when I gained my words back. "Sure you can." I couldn´t help but return his reluctant smile although I tried to contain my excitement.
"See you, Danny." Patrick half-heartedly tried to get rid of my brother already turning towards the town he just came from.
"You can´t just leave, Pat!" Danny protested but soon discovered that he didn´t have a chance to change Patrick´s mind.
"You can´t just let your sister walk around alone like that. I´ll help you later." He didn´t even look at him just waved with one arm over is head while I stepped beside him.
Danny accepted his defeat and retreated, not that I would still notice that he made his way back through the trees. Although I didn´t like to admit it, my attention rested on Patrick walking so close next to me that our arms touched regularly. After some silence that made me recall the last talk we had, he hemmed and I felt like he too had to think about the things I said. "So you´re going to church?" His tone was careful as if he was scared to make me go off at him again.
"My brother told you?"
"Yes."
I looked at him until I found the courage to ask him: "Why are you going with me then? I remember you don´t believe in such things."
"I couldn´t let you walk alone out here."
I chuckled. "You mean out here in the wilderness?"
"Yes! All these cars and the big city with all these gangs. I was afraid you could get lost."
We both laughed shyly as we approached the first houses of this three home town.
"Sarcasm. That´s new." I remarked and took a deep breath feeling the sun heating up the asphalt on which we walked. It hurt me when I became aware of how careful and tensed he suddenly was with me. Maybe I really had been too harsh with him this week. We both avoided each other as good as possible and it was the hardest most life draining thing I had to do lately. It saddened me that this feeling now seemed to continue even while being with him.
"You changed, too, you know?" He put his hands in his pockets and I dared to look at him for a moment longer than it would have been acceptable. The sun shone through his white shirt exposing his body underneath it and it took all my strength to look at the street again.
"What do you mean?" I already knew that I didn´t want to hear the answer. `I know that I`m bitter, thanks for telling me´ was what I wanted to blurt out but I stayed silent.
"You don´t laugh at my jokes the way you used to." I thanked god for this not so serious answer of his.
"Maybe you´re just not that funny any more." I joked and he lightly touched my shoulder with his in an attempt to nudge me. The rest of our way he tried to convince me of his comedic talent. Only when he saw the white painted small church in front of us he stopped in the middle of a joke.
"So is there a thing for me to attend. Some guidelines to follow?" He gulped when we took the steps to the big front doors covered in colourful glass.
"Are you serious?" I laughed and as I opened the door and gently pushed him inside I lowered my voice until it was only a whisper. "Just do as I do."
"Okay." He answered too loud for the quiet room and he cleared his throat with the first people turning their heads at us.
I signed him to be quiet because the service had already started and led him to a bench in the back where we sat down behind an old black couple. The woman´s enormous hat made it impossible for me to see whatever was going on in the front. Even Patrick had trouble to see so he chose to keep his eyes on me. I tried to ignore it for a bit but he made me nervous and he knew exactly what he was doing judging by his smirk.
"Okay. What?" I whispered throwing a glance at him but quickly looking back to the front where the choir took position.
"Oh nothing." He replied standing up when everyone else lifted themselves from the wooden benches. He grabbed a small book from behind us, skimmed through it quickly just to finally open it at a page with the song text of the song the choir and everyone around us was singing. He held the book between us so I could read it too and looked suspiciously innocent. In the same moment I was stunned by the fact that he was able to follow the service while also making it insanely hard for me to concentrate on what was said although it was me who wanted to pay attention but can´t because of... him. "Unbelievable", I muttered under my breath smiling and swore to myself to ignore his eyes on me for the rest of the sermon. What I couldn´t ignore was his faint smile reacting to my swearing. Up until the end he stayed silent and let me enjoy the peaceful situation but I noticed that he didn´t really care what was being said although he seemed to listen. Even though his eyes were directed to the front I knew his attention rested on me and it made me feel endlessly calm and in the end it was me that couldn´t keep her eyes to the front. On our way back the sun was already at the highest point in the sky and it took us nearly three times the time to walk home than it took us to get there. The whole time we were talking and it was as if the shadow of my harsh words that had weighed us down had lifted and for the first time in long I finally felt like I was able to breath.
"Did I tell you that I´ll get my own show soon?" Patrick said.
"No, you didn´t! That´s amazing. What are you going to do?"
"You know... The usual. Reading people´s future and stuff. Finding their lost watches and keys with my psychic mind."
"So you´ll be a professional liar?" I tried to joke but it actually came along more serious than I intended. He tried to keep up the happy spirit and mocked me: "Why do you think I lie? Maybe I can really read minds and see the future."
"Oh I´m pretty sure you´re not able to read minds." I blushed as his fingers touched mine and as a reaction to hide what effect he had on me I walked in front of him and turned around so I could look at him better.
"What makes you think I can´t?" His grin wouldn´t leave his lips.
Playfully running towards the trees I said in a louder voice so he could still understand me: "If you did you wouldn´t look at me like that." As soon as I reached the trees I turned around, watched him follow me through the high grass.
"What did you do?" He laughed and started running towards me, stopping only inches away from me. "Did you steal your brothers magazines? Murder your cat?" I backed away grinning mischievously at him until my back hit a tree and I couldn´t go any further. With every step he took towards me my heart started pounding faster and when he placed his arms left and right of me it felt like exploding.
"What did you do, Annie?" he asked under his breath with this breathtaking smile of his, his nose nearly touching mine. The little voice in the back of my head that screamed that I actually wanted to keep my distance from him earlier this week was now drowned by the foresight of his lips on mine. Finally I was surprised by myself that I actually found the words to say this but somewhere from my malfunctioning brain I managed to whisper: "Read my mind, psychic." I saw him glancing at my lips as I manage to pull myself up a little by the tree I was leaning at to nearly reach his lips. His breath on my skin and a ringing in my ears that seemed to get louder every second and right before he overcame the small distance between his lips and mine I saw two police cars with sirens rushing towards the fairground from the corner of my eyes. We both simultaneously backed away from each other and it took me a moment to process what was happening before I started running back home. I knew he was following me, I heart his steps behind me but at the moment I really didn´t care. If the police intervenes in carny folk´s business chances are something serious had happened. I felt like my lung was about to collapse in my chest when we finally reached the trailers. Only to find the police cars park right in the middle, lights still on, colouring the people and the attractions in blinking blue and red. We made our way through the crowd of people that were visiting the carnival and that already start to leave before we reached my parents. "What is going on?" I ask out of breath. My mother was the only one to react. She slowly looks from me to Patrick who is standing right behind me and back to me. Her voice breaks as she speaks and she´s close to tears: "It´s Danny. They are searching for him."