Since this Sunday I saved myself from having an awkward encounter with Lucas, I had all the time in the world on my day off. Sunday was resting day on the fairground. For some it meant counting money, others cured their hangover of the night before and for May it was bathing time. All the old paint had to come off and I led her to the next waterhole. It was a fifteen minute march in gleaming heat but her enjoyment was worth it. She loved playing in water, rolling around in the mud and spraying me with water from her trunk. Afterwards the small body of water had lost a few gallons of water but the result was one more happy elephant. Also the result was that I was wet to the bones with dirty water on my white dress. That's why I always wore the same old dress that I mistakenly used for the very first bath of a then angry May and it was ruined ever since.

After May dabbling in water and then resting for two hours we made our way to her wagon. Back at the enclosure I rubbed her with straw to loosen some of the dried dirt and she trumpets like she always does when she enjoys something. She doesn't stop and shuffles away slightly but obvious enough for me to notice her unease. I turn around and see Danny walk towards us. He's so far away that his silhouette blurred under the heat. For a moment it looked like he was a ghost and I dropped my straw and then he waved. My heart stopped and couldn't quite figure out how to work again as I ran toward him. My eyes tearing up and unable to speak I hugged him.

"Hi Annie.", he said breathless from my arms almost crushing him.

"You're back." My words undistinguishable from a sob. "How did you manage to come here? I thought you would never find us again. I'm so glad you're back!" More than once I leaned back to look at him only to pull him into a hug again.

"I thought I lost you when they didn't let me talk to one of you. If it wasn't for Patrick I wouldn't have found you again. He even paid for the fee." Danny muttered and I instantly froze when he mentioned him. "Patrick?"

Danny nodded. "He brought me back here."

"He's here?", I asked under my breath and the world seems to turn again, sending me tumbling.

"He said he had some business to take care off. You should leave him alone for a bit." Danny didn't realize that advising me not to go see Patrick would only make me want to see him more. After all he was only my little brother. He didn't know yet.

"I will be right back. Watch May please. Just a minute.", I yelled over my shoulder already running towards the psychics home, only realizing the pain of my ankle peripherally. It didn't even seem to be a blink of an eye until I was standing in front of the old colourless trailer, franticly knocking at the door. For the small amount of time it took me to get here, waiting until the door was answered took all eternity. I was about to knock again when the door was opened just enough to let a cloud of smoke out. I knew I was being eyed by Patrick's father. "Is Patrick home?" My voice breathless and ecstatic. He closed the door on me.

"Please. I just want to speak to him." Hope suddenly crushed by a door but I was not giving up.

"Go spread your legs elsewhere!", he yelled from inside and dragged down the shutters. I stepped back and Harald's words about everyone wanting a family came back to my mind.

In the corner of my eyes I saw a figure distinguishing itself from the shadow of the backside of the trailer. "I'm here, Angela."

Patrick's hair was the only thing touched by sunlight and it made him look like it was burning. The dark shadow he was standing in made him look endlessly tired. Or was it just the shadows. He held a little ice cube in his right hand that tripped water on the dried grass.

"You're here." I breathed, only repeating what he had sad because my brain couldn't work for more.

"That's what I said.", he grinned and held the ice cube to his right eye again. Not only the shadows that darkened his face.

I stepped closer examining the red circle that nearly enclosed all his eye. Icy water drops rolling down his cheek made it almost look like he was crying. "What happened to you?"

"I wanted to ask you the same. Did you mud wrestle with someone and not invite me?" He grinned to mask the fact that he was in the process of developing a black eye.

"Let me see.", I demanded more than I asked and his grin was stopped with a sharp hiss as I just lightly touched the surrounding of his eye.

"Sorry." I muttered and lead his hand with the ice cube just a smudge higher where he had not yet cooled.

"But you really look all muddy and sheer in that white dress." A little smirk was coming back to his lips.

"You should watch your words so you don't need a second ice cube, Paddy." A joke made only to keep the beautiful curve on his lips and I succeeded. Moments passed while I pretended to look at his black eye until I finally brought myself to admit: "It's great to have you here again."

He smiled and awkwardly looked around. "So where's our guy... what was his name? Lucas?"

"He's not here.", I answered, suddenly hit by the embarrassment that I had no time for back then.

"Ah. I noticed he was a bad kisser. Great that you dodged that." He patted me on my shoulder like he did with Danny and disappeared behind the trailer again. Dumbfounded I was left behind alone in my wet dress with mud in my hair and cold fingertips where they had been touching his cheek only a minute ago.

"Patrick! Where are you going?" Even more embarrassed I followed him limping more than before from the running I did.

I found Patrick almost lost in a Box that leaned against the trailer. The Ice cube dropped on the ground.

"Emergency blanket in case I need to sleep outside. Thought you might want to cover yourself. You make me -", he stopped mid-sentence to give me the bundle of an old blanket.

He doesn't seem to want to commence with what he started even after I took the blanket. "I make you what?"

He even helped me wrap it around myself without once looking at me. Finally when I was wrapped to his contentment he resumed: "I can't think." And that was it. He stood and stared at me like I assume he does with his costumers to guess what they want to hear.

"Do I make you nervous?", I asked making myself nervous and my heart suddenly warmed uncomfortably.

"No.", he sneered elaborately and looked to the left, then to the right and finally on my foot. "What happened to your ankle?" He didn't make eye contact again. Just stared at my dirty naked feet.

I sighed, tried to calm myself, suppress the disappointment and think about what to say all at the same time. "A story for a story. How about that?"

"Sounds fair." He agreed and we stood in silent for a moment. Whatever he thought about, the look on his face made me reminisce about the way he had kissed me and the harshness of his lips. It was sad actually that I could only remember the force that he used and not the feeling of the kiss itself. I needed to stop looking at him.

"Should we sit down?", I said eager to change my own thoughts. We sat on the dusty ground.

"So what story do you want to hear?" His voice was unsure and I suddenly knew that he was afraid that I would ask how he got that black eye. So I didn't. To be really honest I already knew who did it. I just wanted to know why.

"How did you manage to bring Danny back?"

Patrick gave me a side-eyed glance before sighing and he started to relieve the ground of the few grass blades that were left green and healthy. "I hitchhiked back, spoke to the police, got him out and we took a few buses. That's it, no big deal."

He must have felt my suspicious look because he felt the need to explain: "And no I didn't break him out of prison. It was all legally managed. For the most part at least." I let that last sentence slide.

"How did you manage to convince the police to let him go? They had a whole list of fees he needed to pay for."

"Do you really want to know?" He eyed me again, not really daring to look at me straight on. Now that he asked, I didn't know if I really wanted to know every detail. I liked the image I had of him now and didn't want it destroyed. But I didn't say no.

"I paid what I could and made a deal with the sheriff. I helped him talk to his late daughter and he let Danny go with a smaller fee so we could take the bus back here. We probably wouldn't have made it in time otherwise. You would have left. I had to do it." He got agitated towards the end although I didn't say a thing. I couldn't be angry. Everything I felt was gratitude for what he did.

"I know." My hand reached out to his automatically. Even if I wanted to stop it, I realized to late that my fingers touched the back of his hand. He froze. "Thank you."

When he didn't move nor look at me, I retreated.

"It was nothing.", he joked again with a laugh that could've passed as a sneer as well.

"How did you manage to get so much money so fast?" I almost didn't want to ask but his answer came fast. Almost too fast for it to be cast aside as not emotional which was what he was probably going for.

"A while ago I've found some extra money under the floorboards where my dad hides his bottles. It's all money that I had earned anyway so I took it. He wasn't really happy about it in hindsight." He smiled but his eyes didn't smile with his lips.

"Did he-"

Instantly Patrick sat straight and interrupted: "It was an accident."

"Okay." was all I could say. Silence it was again. I wanted to hug him but considering he froze just because I touched his hand, I was scared. We were finally talking and no one was angry. I didn't want to ruin it.

He gave me all the answers and now it was time for me to keep my side of the bargain.

"Do you want to know what happened to my ankle?" I asked shy and timid. Rather unlike me. But it was unlike him to be silent too, so we were both the same childish idiots.

He nodded visibly relieved and turned to face me destroying the pile of grass he had carefully structured before.

"The day you left I presented my new routine at the show. The last jump didn't go well and I rolled my ankle." I almost feel bad to give him such a short, boring story in exchange for his secret.

"Can I see?"

Reluctantly I shifted and again exposed my dirty feet to him. He delicately touched the soft skin on the side of my ankle. He leaned closer shielding my view from what he did. His fingers caressed my skin and I had to resist the urge to pull away. He did not stop touching me when he said: "It doesn't look fractured so you should be fine if you don't move it too much." I could see every single detail of his face because he was only inches away from me when he looked back up.

"Well it's too late for that." My panicked giggle triggered a jerk of his lips that wasn't really a smile but close enough. I needed to force myself to get my thoughts together.

"I did the show yesterday and I ran here.", I explained calmer than before.

"You ran here?"

"I did."

"Why?"

This was it. This was what it should have felt like. The excitement and the tingling on my skin from where he touched me. The beating heart and the sweaty hands. I leaned in to kiss him. We looked at each other. I smelled the salt on his skin, saw the blue spots in his eyes. He didn't move. He also didn't breath which was fine because I didn't either. But he didn't move. He just sat there and stared at me. My lips almost touching his and he did not budge. I waited for as long as I could right to the point before tears started to dwell because he took so long.

Then I let out the breath I was holding and slowly collapsed into myself. He didn't kiss me. He didn't want to kiss me. Maybe it had been only revenge. Just revenge. Nothing more. He saw me crumple and he watched me pick up my pieces and he did all that with a straight face.

"Sorry.", I said and I let the pride that I didn't break down completely keep my head up. "That was dumb. I will get going." I didn't realize that I had gotten up, stealing my foot from his hands. He didn't look at me. I walked backwards to see if he reacted at all. He didn't. His hand rested where my foot had been. Only when I was around the corner, I heard him call out to me: "Bye."

My pride carried me home and I didn't cry. I even talked to my parents about the show tomorrow. They didn't suspect anything. I functioned for the whole day. By night came the dream and the house and our bedroom. And into the bedroom he comes, telling me he didn't want me; it was relief and it was pain.