"Why did you kiss me in the first place?" My voice was only a whisper. I didn't even consciously think about what to say. It happened while I was internally screaming at myself for making me and him go through this ordeal.

"Why do you want to know everything? Can't you just leave this one secret to me? It's already hard enough seeing him around every day and you make it even harder by showing up in wet dresses, looking breathtakingly beautiful, always demanding. I don't know what you want to hear, Angela. I can't congratulate you on him because I know the whole thing is only going to hurt you. But I can't advise against it, either, because it wouldn't be without ulterior motives and probably only for personal desires. I try really hard to do the right thing here."

I couldn't feel his pulse any more. It's like my whole body went numb. Of all the reasons I didn't think for one second this was it. He never seemed to care much about rules. Even less when the rules keep him from something he wanted.

"Did you want to kiss me?" I somehow managed to utter. His face was more serious than I had ever seen him. I couldn't believe that I actually had the courage to ask this.

His thumb stroked the delicate skin on the inside of my wrist.

"You want me to kiss you." He didn't ask, only stated again and he seemed to take the sight of me in for the first time in long. His lips twitched and showed a smirk only for the blink of an eye.

"Of course." A painful prickling sensation in my nose made it hard to breath. "I wanted you to kiss me since you returned. I wanted you to kiss me in the forest and in the hospital. I wanted to kiss you behind your trailer." His eyes glowed and his thumb never stopped caressing my skin. "What do you think I was trying to do?"

"I knew that that guy was still around and I didn't want take what wasn't mine and didn't want to be mine."

I looked at our hands now loosely entwined but always seeking touch. Guilt almost made me cry.

"But I can promise you that I will kiss you in every single one of those places if you let me." He leaned forward, guided my hand to his lips and pressed a warm kiss on my fingers. "Except for the hospital maybe."

I laughed a little and looked at him again. His eyes were bright and I wanted to be close to him and this brightness more than anything. My cheeks were burning but I didn't care. His voice was genuinely kind while also slowly setting me on fire with the allusive undertones hidden in every extensive pause.

"I won't kiss you now, though; I want it to be special. After all it has to make up for a lot of wasted opportunities and a rudely stolen kiss." He smiled gently and kissed another one of my fingers again.

I cursed the table for standing between us. Voices outside grew in volume and disturbed us in our dark hiding spot. Now was not the time, I reminded my longing. I forced myself to accept the inevitable and mentally prepared my knees for their task of carrying me outside again. There was nothing I despised more at the moment.

"Your clients are waiting." I said under my breath. Somehow we were only inches away from each other. He scanned my face like he won't be able to lay eyes on me for weeks.

"Sorry." He mouthed even though I wasn't angry. We both knew this life. Earning money was all that counted, all that kept us alive and going. This was not the time to look into each others eyes for hours.

"I understand." I managed to free one of my hands from his grasp and stroked the edge of his jaw lightly. Occasional stubbles and smooth skin. Warmth that he had shared with me on the way to the hospital and that I was granted by the universe to feel in the future.

It almost hurt to stand up and lose his touch. I smiled back at him before I pushed the tent's entrance tarp to the side and walked outside. Immediately I was greeted by soft rain and judging looks of waiting girls in raincoats that eyed me from top to bottom. I chuckled as I walked by barefoot with the mud slurping under my steps. I didn't care. For the first time I truly didn't care. Nothing could take this away from me now. I hugged myself against the cold and embarrassingly imagined how Patrick's hugs would feel like. His touch on me to warm me through my clothes and his touch without them. Blushing and with a silly smile I clumped across the fairground. Walking by crowds of people that I didn't notice, I reached my destination and climbed into Mariah's food truck.

In between customers she kissed me on the cheek. "Hi, honey. Great to have you back.", she said hurried. "What is up with you. You look feverish."

She juggled three orders and knew exactly which one belonged to what costumer.

"Hi! What can I do for you.", she asked the next in line with a smile that she never granted people she knew already. I let her process the missing orders before I answered. Which wasn't to her liking because apparently she was able to have five conversations at once.

"Come on, honey. Don't leave me waiting. Tell me what's up." She had her one hand on her hip, the other wagged a bun in front of me.

"I realized that dreams don't always have to come true.", I answered in a riddle because I was uncomfortable with the old man in a fishing hat staring at me like he wanted to know the secret, too.

"Oh don't hit me with that pessimism. Do I have to bribe you with a hot dog again to get to know what that brain twister meant?" I laughed while she was playfully angry with me and didn't manage to switch to costumer mode again in time. The old man looked petrified when she talked to him with the same act.

Mariah laughed it off with her charm and served me and the costumer a hot dog. When she was done with serving and the queue slowly dissolved, she turned to me again. I had already taken place on a stool next to the door.

"I mean I love that you visit me but couldn't you leave the dirt outside?"

I chuckled as I took a bite.

"Well. What was that about dreams and you not being able to stop smiling again?"

"I had reoccurring nightmares but they turned out to be false."

She looked at me with a blank stare and her smile was gone completely. "What did you dream?"

"I used to dream that I would be rejected but turned out he did not. Also a house burnt down. But that's impossible anyways."

"Who are we speaking of again?" She turned into mum mode again, arms crossed and leaning against the counter with her hips only. But I was too busy with my own thoughts to really answer her question.

"He was there in my dream house waiting for me every night but all grown up and old. Still handsome and all. And he told me stuff about the future. Well not really. He didn't mean to. But every time he would burn down the house after having a fight with himself." Her look became weirder and weirder the more I told her until it made me stop. "What?"

"You sound a tiny little bit crazy, sweetheart." Mariah's eyebrow was pulled up to a level that I didn't think was possible to maintain for that long.

"You tell me how I die and I'm the crazy one?"

"First of all. I didn't say you'll die. I only said you'll get hurt." When she didn't have a bun to wag in front of me she used her index finger. "And yes. I assume we talk about Patrick, right? Imagining a grown-up Patrick in your dreams who also burns your house down sounds weird even for me."

"What do you think it means?" I won't let her bring me down. Not this night.

"It can have different meanings. It could mean that he destroys you in the future or that you have passion for him that you try to suppress. - Oh don't look at me like that! Dream interpretation is a difficult subject."

"It's a very vague subject if you ask me." I laugh and gulped down the last bites of hot dog. She rolled her eyes.

"So what changed your mind about him and your dream prophecies?"

"Well he didn't reject me this time." I said with a big smile until I saw a figure walking towards us in the corner of my eyes. Everything outside was dark but I recognized the light grey hooded sweater. "Oh no.", was all I said under my breath.