I was left sitting on one of the empty benches around the ring for almost half an hour, fiddling with the hem of my cut shorts, pulling single strings out. They had belonged to my ma, I thought, but she had cut them for me because they were too long anyways. Might as well make them into shorts. Every string was a measure of counting time as well as relieving stress. By the time I heard rustling near the ring entrance and backstage, I had almost a handful of lint and quickly discarded it, wiping my hands on my jeans. Stumbling in through the curtains came Patrick, heavily breathing, stopping as soon as he reached the ring to stabilize himself, bending forward. He was panting after an obvious run here.

"What happened?" Was my first question, scared enough to jump up from my seat. When he finally looked at me, his grin was big in his glowing, sweaty face. He began to walk towards me, still breathless, his shoulders exaggeratedly heaving.
"I should exercise more frequently." he tried to laugh but didn't have the air for it in his lungs and it came out very croaking.

"What did he say?" I couldn't wait for an answer. I was tense, awaiting the bad news. Something that would confirm my bad feeling about Patrick breaking his promise and getting into trouble again. I was so tired of police showing up on this fair ground. "Did you hurt him?"

Something glistened in Patrick's eyes and his smile seemed stiff for a moment. But then he reached me and drew me into a hug with the ring boundaries still between us.

"He told me it wasn't him." His voice was soft and stable, for him being out of breath. Nothing hinting at a lie although he didn't answer my question. "He wasn't the one calling the police on you."

"How did you get him to talk?" I tried really hard not to sound suspicious when I leaned back. Patrick pretended not to notice.

"He threatened me and while he was angry, he was easy to interrogate without him noticing."

I searched for a sign that told me he had gotten into another fight, but there was none apart from the already dried crack in his lip.

His smile shrank a little when I didn't reply fast enough. "Don't tell me you don't believe me."

Now I really didn't know what to reply. Considering Lucas' aggression from before, I found it hard to believe that he was willing to just talk. Especially while intoxicated.

I stuttered without really saying anything.

"Why?" I could tell he was hurt just by the look on his face. But the one word question sealed it.

"It seems improbable. That's all." I so dearly hoped this subject would be dropped. I looked up at him, guilty of what he accused me of, but also unable to shake my thoughts off.

Patrick sighed and let his arms sink. I watched him take a minor step back but it emphasized the boundary dividing the ring from the audience. The night felt cold after that.

The subject was dropped. "I'll take you home." He reached out a hand to help me climb over the thigh high railings and it made me take a breath of relief, but as soon as I crossed the barrier, he let go. We walked with too much distance to each other and I didn't know what to do with my hands. They changed from dangling awkwardly at my side, to crossed in front of me, to crossed behind my back, but nothing seemed right. He took the easy road and just stuffed his hands in his pockets. Looking at his hands, my eyes wandered to his pulled up shoulders and his face that was directed towards the ground constantly. Like he was trying really hard to see where he stepped. I retreated my eyes, only shooting glances from the corners of my eyes at him. His posture never changed, never relaxed. When we were about to walk around the corner of another trailer, he surprised me by grabbing my arm and pulling me back. I looked at him and didn't bother asking what that had been about. I honestly hoped, he would kiss me before we would be in sight of my trailer. But he didn't. Instead he put a finger to his mouth and looked around the corner that we hid behind. I joined him.

"What have you done?", I whispered as we both watched the police standing in front of my trailer again. Patrick's father staggering next to them, trying to lean against the trailer wall but never really succeeding. Additionally the blond girl and supposedly her mother was yelling at the policeman or my father. I couldn't tell.

Patrick didn't answer me, not even bothering to tell me to be silent. So I had been right after all.

The mother yelled: "You can't let your daughter run around and offer herself to everyone. It's disgusting to let minors behave this way. I will make sure your carnival will never get accepted in this town again!"

The police tried to calm her down. From afar it looked like the same man that forced me to confess last time.

"It's unbelievable that such habits are accepted here. What else must happen for you to take action?!" Her screech echoed between the trailers. Some trailer lights went on.

The police assured her that things will be dealt with... Yada-Yada. She finally shut up and let the police speak to my dad.

"Sir, we are here to talk to your daughter again. She seems to be witness to a case of battery that caused considerable injury to the victim."

"My son didn't do it.", Alex slurred more to himself than any of the present. His faith in his son almost seemed endearing. "He's not man enough to break someone's leg."

Never mind.

Unbothered by Patrick's dad's alcohol droolings, my dad replied to the detective: "She's not here."

"Is it ok for me to take a look?" Police asked and my dad let him in with a grimmer face than before. It was no use resisting and he knew it. They would only come back and delay our packing up and departure in two days. Delays cost money and were not at all welcomed, usually causing trouble for the perpetrator.

The two man disappeared in my trailer, leaving mother, daughter and Alex outside. Blonde's mother pulled her back behind her, with a disgusted look at Alex who only waved it off.

Patrick pulled me fully behind the trailer before any of the waiting saw us. I waited for him to say something.

"Don't look at me like that.", he said sounding somehow angry. "Ask what you need to ask."

I had been about to ask but his cocky voice rubbed me the wrong way.

"You have no right to be angry when you were lying to my face!" I hissed, trying to be quiet. I was angry but not angry enough to turn him in. Not without confronting him first.

"I didn't lie." It was just a statement, no question followed. No explanation.

"I will not let you get away with hurting someone if you don't at least explain to me why it was necessary." Through my stern voice, I almost begged him to give me a reason. Any reason. Anything would be good enough. Because I was almost certain there was one. He would not hurt anyone gravely without being forced to do it. Otherwise he would have hit Lucas already when they were fighting in front of me. There would have been no use to wait then if he wanted to fight him later.

"He chased me and tripped. His leg was injured before. Might have broken his leg. I didn't wait around to see if he was alright." He didn't look me in the eyes but pretended to watch for someone coming our way. The night was silent. Hesitation dazed my thoughts. Should I believe him or should I not? I couldn't tell truth from lies anymore. His eyes were a mix of anger and disappointment. Nothing he couldn't fake. Slowly I realized that if I started doubting him now, there was only downhill from here on after. Either I trusted him until there was real proof or I could break it right off this instant. I didn't want to lose him because of a drunken idiot who came out to destroy me.

I calmed my voice but never lost my determination. "Look at me." I ordered. Patrick obeyed. "If I find out that you lie or use your tricks on me once, you missed your chance. I don't want to be scared of being your puppet for all my life. Understood?"

His eyes wandered around my face as if he was searching for the words I had just said. Finally he nodded. Sweet relief washed over me and my shoulders relaxed automatically. I had been braced for all the bad things; for a long fight, accusations, yelling, name calling or even breaking up. All the things I had witnessed with my parent's arguments. But it all ended with a stiff nod.

"I believe you." I needed to advance this bit of trust for him to be able to act on it. He smiled and took my hand, already less reluctantly than last time.

"I know a place to hide." I lead him out of the trailers, always following the forest and the dark to where the animals were kept. If he needed to spend the night outside his father's trailer, I was at least able to provide him with a comfortable and dry space that was probably better than the backyard of their trailer. We didn't discuss why we went off to hide. It was a given that after Alex's encounter with the law enforcement, he wouldn't be in the best mood. No word was lost about it. I just opened the straw wagon when we were there and Patrick gained his smirk back. This time of the year, late summer, it was always mostly empty, so I climbed inside and searched for the flashlight. Every utility wagon had one just in case there was an emergency and everything needed to be readied by night. Unintelligibly it was all the way in the back of the wagon and I had to struggle through the piled straw to reach it. Until I had grabbed it, Patrick had already climbed in with me, standing in the little light coming in through the open door and throwing a long shadow towards me.

"Close the door." I asked him in a hushed voice and I watched his shadowed form pull the door close before I wanted to disturb the dark with my blinding light. But I didn't. Instantly after the light from the door disappeared, there were streaks of moonlight coming through every crack in the wood, illuminating little grains of dust in the air like stars in the sky. I tried to touch one and ended up stirring through the floating stars. For a night like this with all that had happened, it was hauntingly peaceful. Warmth and silence and I suddenly realized how tired I really was. Patrick walked toward me and it took him longer than it should have in this tiny room. Time stretched endlessly. He left stars tumbling behind him while his face lit up sparingly every now and then when he touched the light beams and shadow fell when he left them again. Until he came to a halt in front of me. I couldn't determine the features of his face because we both stood in the dark. I just felt his breath on my lips. He was close. Stars still dancing behind him.

"I will never lie to you."