Celebrating 50 pages with this chapter. Whoo. :D

If you're interested, I rewrote and updated the first chapter to fix some things (characters and writing).
And I will continue to improve the first four or so chapters since I wrote them like six years ago and it shows.
So stay tuned for (hopefully) better writing there. :D

Thanks for every comment. I'm always excited to read them.

The door hit the wooden wall and suddenly the whole world jerked awake. The tenderness of the night was gone, the stars had left us. Screaming sunlight blinded me as I looked at the gaping hole the open door cut into our hiding spot. Yelling got inside before a single person did. I didn't know whose hand it was that lifted me out of the straw and Patrick's arm. My eyes were still mourning the night and its darkness.

"You're hurting me." I uttered but it was instantly met with an even tighter grab around my upper arm, roughly dragging me out of the trailer, and a groan that was undoubtedly my dad's. I fell silent. Cursing signaled that Patrick was dragged out after me by whoever was there, too.

"If you knocked her up, you're on your own, you dumbfuck!" There was Alex.
Patrick audibly tried to defend himself and me but it made no difference. When my eyes adjusted to the light, I wished for me to be blinded again. Seemingly the whole carnival had gathered around, staring and judging. I looked back. A friend of my dad held Patrick tight, following us. Neither of them looked happy.
I didn't dare to look at my dad. While the carnival workers pretended to not observe the incident, he walked me directly to our trailer and he sat me down in the corner booth that was strangely abandoned by any other family member. Shortly after, Patrick followed and was shoved next to me. We sat with our eyes carefully avoiding each other and the two men towering over us. Out of the corner of my eyes, I noticed them sharing a look like a silent conversation until my dad sighed. He tried to begin an hour-long lecture when Alex tumbled into the trailer, hopelessly crowding it.

"You're going to marry her when she's pregnant. No Jane ever ignores his responsibility! You knock her up, you care for her." A strong smell of alcohol filled the room along with him but he kept his slurring to a minimum. The irony of his words made me clench my fists in anger.
Dad immediately dashed Alex's plans.

"No one is marrying anyone. And I hope you didn't do something stupid or god help me." This one was directly aimed at me and his voice demanded an answer. Patrick realized that faster than me.

"I didn't touch her." His voice was composed even with the lie on his lips. Even if I wasn't in danger of being pregnant, it still had been something. It had been whatever. It had existed and I had experienced it and it was a whole lot more than nothing.
Dad slapped his hands on the table and I winced even though it wasn't directed at me. "Don't you dare lie to me!" Patrick didn't flinch.

"Nothing happened." My voice wasn't as calm but it also didn't give away that I had enjoyed the whatever he had done to make me feel that way.
Alex mumbled something about me being easy. Everyone ignored it.

"I hoped you were more intelligent, Angela. After what happened to Danny. You said yourself that he was only trouble." Dad's finger angrily pointed at Patrick but Patrick didn't let his look at my dad waver. "The police were here last night. He's wanted for battery. My daughter will not be a thug's whore."
I mimicked Patrick's unrelenting stare, trying to be brave even though I didn't know any answer to deflect his concerns.

"He didn't do it." I lied weakly, my composer trembling.

"There are witnesses." The friend said after keeping silent all this time. I was so angry. How did he have the right to be here and speak out against Patrick? A stranger to even me. I wanted to tell him to keep his mouth shut. I didn't. When I didn't come up with another excuse, dad felt visibly confirmed in his beliefs, ruffling through his own hair like throwing in the towel.

"I will call the police." Now Patrick twitched but he didn't try to defend himself. I didn't know why. He could easily get out of it by telling everyone he just defended me. My dad would be the first to lie for him before the police if he knew that that had been the reason. Carny folk didn't blow the whistle on their own kind and my dad honored this rule.

"Wait!" I exclaimed. Attention shifted to me again. "He only did it to defend me."
Dad and his friend fell silent, only Alex felt the need to speak his mind. "You risked your future for that whore? She flutters her eyes ate every fellow who just happens along. You really are dumber than I thought."
After that, Alex was kicked out of the trailer fairly nicely for calling me a whore in front of my dad.
Dad sat down opposite from us, clenching his hands on the table.

"You have five minutes to explain before I call the cops on this blighter." It was a chance. A chance I didn't know if Patrick wanted me to take - he could have done so himself - but I did anyway.

"The townie who called the police, making allegations about me, threatened to come for me. He found me yesterday at the after-shows. Patrick was there to defend me. Lucas struck first. It wasn't his fault." The story was told faster than I had planned for, leaving me in panicky silence, contemplating if I said enough.

Dad sighed. "Indeed. It isn't his, it's your fault. I thought we'd taught you better than throwing yourself at everyone. Now you learned the consequences."
His words tugged at my soul. My fault. Of course. Why would anything not be my fault? It was me. Always me. Tears welled in my eyes and I cursed myself for it. Just be strong this one time. Just this one time, do not let yourself be blamed. Yet I stayed silent and it felt a lot like giving up and accepting the blame.

Now dad turned to Patrick. "We will have you leave with the billposters. Police won't care where you went when they don't find you here. As long as they don't."

I was speechless at my dad's attempt to help Patrick. Patrick was the whole opposite: he looked bewildered, speaking under his breath. Something about his father killing him when he didn't show up to the show two nights in a row.
Dad didn't bother to talk sense into him.

"Your choice. But if I catch you with my daughter again, I will kill you myself."
My heart stopped. I hoped for Patrick to reply something cunning and defiant but I wasn't even sure I was brave enough to disobey my own dad. He didn't and I was still glad. It saved him the chance of getting away with whatever he really did to Lucas.

"Get out of my sight." Dad said way too calm and it made my flesh crawl. Patrick lightly pushed his knee against my leg before he left. Somehow it felt almost as exciting as a kiss. Forbidden.
Dad nodded for his friend to leave, too. Immediately after the door was closed for the second time, the subject was changed but the tension in the trailer stayed the same.

"Tonight is the supervision. You will attend and you better decide what you're gonna say beforehand."
It was such a sudden change of topic and worries that I couldn't quite keep up. The supervision seemed irrelevant when you've been threatened and scared for life for the past days.

"Questions?" Dad asked aggressively.
I shook my head while my mind was solely filled with Patrick's touch and his voice and the way his eyes blinked when he didn't really want to wake up fully.
Dad's threat seemed dull in the light of the last night. Patrick will not keep away, I was sure of it. He had shown me the simplest taste of defiance just by daring to touch knees with me in front of my dad. I wanted more of that. Patrick made me feel alive, finally, and capable of taking my own decisions. I craved empowerment like a drug.

"Then you better not let me see you until then."
I didn't let dad ask me twice to leave. In fact, I almost ran out of the door and through the first row of our neighbors' trailers on the way to Patrick's tent or the straw wagon. Anywhere I could come across Patrick. I refused to let the night go. Passing a trailer, I knew belonged to a worker, I was yanked behind it and pressed to the exterior. Patrick's lips kissed me violently and his body dived into mine. His tongue tasted like freedom and it was enough for me to lose grip on reality. His hands skimmed my sides and the force with which he pressed his fingers into my waist, spoke of a need I didn't yet understand.
He will not abandon me. He was way too daring to listen to a simple threat, way too intrigued. Some would call it recklessness. I'd call it recklessness if I was in my right mind. But I wasn't and I enjoyed every minute of it.
We were making out at the back of someone's trailer. I forgot about the world. It was almost like escaping.

"Run away with me." Patrick sighed. This raspy voice of his almost had me. Almost.

"You are mad." I smiled to hide my panic. His eyes opened grudgingly like he had feared that response.

"I won't leave today while you are still here with Lucas. Who knows what he comes up with." He explained it calmly, his hand playing with my hair. It dawned on me that he only wanted to leave this town a little earlier. It had not been a suggestion of a big change, no big impact would be made. It was only a day or two to taste what it would be like to live. Disappointment and relief mixed. Another quick but deep kiss was all it took from there.

"Okay." I breathed when his mouth had barely left me.

"The bill posters are going to leave in an hour. Is it enough time for you to pack your things?" My hands were shaking when I affirmed. "Do you want me to get you?"
Thinking of my dad, I reckoned it wouldn't be a good idea for Patrick to come near my trailer again.

"I will come to you." I was breathless.

"They gather at the trailer entrance. We'll meet there." His eyes carried sparkle and hope in them. For a moment I was the same. I won't lose money because I don't perform anyway. If I feed May a lot today, she will get by until she is in her travel wagon. My parents won't notice until the supervision. What am I going to do there anyway? I was tired of listening to the adults explaining and discussing and not ever changing anything. I would not again miss the chance of getting a glimpse of freedom. I had learned from my past mistakes.
I nodded and he kissed me again. He had kissed me so many times that I couldn't count anymore. Every kiss was special enough to overshadow any prior to it. I was drunk and high and full of adolescent dreams and hopes and hormones. The moment he left me, the doubts came crashing down.