Sometime in the day, we woke up again. The sun was high in the sky and the temperature had risen more than I remembered expecting in the early morning hours. We didn't have what you'd call a sufficient amount of sleep. A few hours at most. That's what my joints felt like at least. It could also be the long traveling or the gravelly cargo area I slept on, of course.
Patrick had excused himself and disappeared somewhere across the field, leaving me in the muggy silence. Everyone else was still asleep by the looks of it. Donald had resolved to completely launching in the comfortable grass and let his head be wholly swallowed by the hat that he put on his face to protect him from the harsh midday sun. Jerry and Little Garry resumed sleeping in the same curled up position each on their sleeping grounds.
It was weird to hear nothing but snoring and some crickets when there was another carnival on the other side of the road.
Maybe they were just more organized than we were and didn't need to shout their lungs out when preparing for a show. Or maybe they were gone. Packed their bags and left.
Maybe it was all just a weird nightmare that I had and they haven't even been here. For a second I doubted my senses, after all, I had been dozy for most of the night. A fresh breeze of air knocked me out of it.
Autumn air. Fresh and full of dying leaves. Just this one show and we're done for this year.
With that silver lining on the horizon, I jumped off the truck bed and caused Little Garry to shift a little in his sleep when the van bounced at the loss of my weight.
"Morning, ma'am." Frank's muted voice lead me to the front seat where he was sitting.
"How did you know it's me?" I said strolling along the length of the truck.
Frank's heavyset legs dangling out of the open front door were the only thing I saw of him. But they were quite recognizable by the frizzy jeans ending above the ankles and from the sheer size.
"Little Jerry would wake up Jerry first thing. Had to be you." Frank chuckled deeply but it never managed to be a happy tone. I leaned against the frame once I reached it and looked in the same direction Frank was staring away in.
"Did you get someone on the phone?" I timidly asked. I knew just from the look of him that there was no good news to be shared. News of Patrick and I disappearing had probably already made rounds at the camp and gotten to the officials. Apart from the real problem of our show being corrupted by other carnies.
"Yes, ma'am. They weren't thrilled." He didn't seem mad but I still felt bad. He probably got into a lot of trouble because of us.
"What did they say?"
"They're already packing up. Show must go on." He snorted bitterly. "We have two days to placard this damn town and hope for the best."
I saw in his eyes when he glanced at me that he purposely didn't share what his boss had to say about us. Maybe it was for the best, so I didn't ask.
"Don't worry too much, ma'am. There's enough to worry about when y'all are older."
I didn't know what to reply to that. Worry was everything I was composed of.
"Shouldn't we wake the others and get started then?" I offered in a desperate try to help Frank at least a little to compensate for all the trouble I caused.
Frank shrugged and rubbed his chin like he had a beard that needed combing.
"There's no harm in a little break, don't ya think. This season was hard on all of us." He somehow found his smile again.
"When Patrick comes back we should all grab something to eat. I'm not a slave driver. Gotta watch out for ma tinkers. They'd work their asses off, like you. New meat. Ya need to save some of that energy for when you're old like me."
Somehow Frank managed to take on the role of everyone's grandfather instantly. No questions asked. Even though he had lived with carnies his whole life he seemed to have kept his smile. Or maybe you just get wiser when you're older. Nevertheless, this was the first time in ten years that I felt cared for like a parent should care for a child. At the same time, it was scary to see the effects this life already had on me. I didn't think about eating when we'd gone without proper food for a whole day.
"You're right," I said right as Patrick came into view, strolling back over the field, grass dancing around his lower legs when he groomed through it. When he walked into a patch of sunlight between the darker cloudy areas, the sun brightened his hair and skin, covering him in a honey-colored shine. Illuminating his body through his white shirt like a quick spotlight that passed way too fast. And the clouds came and covered our field in this weird grey shadow that only appeared on an otherwise sunny day when a cloud decided to block the sun. It still left a halo glow around everything and on the edges of the cloud, the sun relentlessly shone.
Frank was right.
Until Patrick had reached us, Little Gerry was already up and busy waking his brother in the most mischievously loving way possible: pulling him off the stacks of boxes, judging by the laughing and yelling that followed a dull thump.
"Rise and shine, sweetheart." Little Gerry yelled with snorting laughter as he was chased around by his bigger brother who ultimately got to him and tackled him like a football player.
Donald just trotted around the corner with loosely dangling limbs and a face that wasn't anywhere near awake.
"Someday they will bash their heads in on accident and we won't have to deal with that brawling anymore." His grumpy tone continued in a grumpy slump against the side of the truck where he now leaned with his eyes closed and hands in pockets.
"And we gonna end up carrying all the boxes by ourselves and ya got another thing to complain about." Frank chuckled. Then raised his voice so even the two scuffling guys could hear: "Wrap it up, boys. We gonna go eat some."
At the mention of food the two heads popped out between the grass like scared antelopes and it didn't even take a second for them to gather around us, complaining how they could eat a horse while
Jerry got one last shove at Little Garry, earning a laugh of his little brother.
Frank started to lead the guys to some diner down the road that he had spotted during his search for a payphone. I wanted to grab my purse and toothbrush to brush my teeth once I got to the diner. Patrick stayed behind, waiting for me. When I was finally good to go, the others were already halfway to the street and left us with a little time for ourselves.
Patrick used the unobserved moment to wrap his arm sideways around my shoulders and pull me closer, all for a kiss to my temple. I savored this silent expression of affection and nourished it in my heart even while he brought a little more distance between us again. The connection was still there. I could still feel his lips on my skin and his warmth on my arm.
It drowned out any other negative feeling until we were forced to walk by our rival's premise and I was too curious to ignore it. The three pay booths, to begin with, followed by three rows of food trucks. That was only what I could see from here. My feet stopped and I tiptoed to get a better view. My hands reached for the strap of my bag across my chest.
There were three more rows after the many food trucks, rows of stock joints and souvenirs. I've never seen this many trucks that didn't have anything to do with the main show in one camp alone. And I didn't even count the rides yet. They had at least three, not counting the big tents. My heart sank. If they needed three pay booths, the town didn't have enough customers for both fairs.
There was life behind the covered fences that blocked off any curios pedestrians' eyes from catching too many looks without paying beforehand. People walked by in the distance and I was only able to catch small glimpses of the people that were about to ruin our season. They looked normal. Everyday people like they could have worked with us.
A young woman with a costume similar to mine hopped and stretched in front of the one tent in my field of vision. A herd of white ponies crossed the main pathway. Their main attraction, I guessed. A group of young men appeared on the main pathway, laughing and joking with each other. I couldn't hear what they were talking about and realized too late that they were walking directly towards me.
When I scurried to the side, out of the open, one of them had already seen me and nudged one of his friends. Ashamed, I hurried to catch up with Patrick who had walked a few steps backward while I was busy stalking the enemy.
"Snooping on the competition?" he welcomed me in his arm, grinning and I set a faster pace to bring some distance between the others and us in case they were about to walk the same road. Patrick took only a second to register what I was trying and fell into the same pace. Although he probably couldn't stop his curiosity and threw a look over his shoulder. "I think you've been unmasked." He joked.
"I've never been good at secret-keeping." I smiled at him.
We made a few turns, enough to make me wonder how Frank accidentally came across the diner he wanted to guide us to. Throughout our half an hour walk, Patrick grew more and more silent and picked up a faster pace to the point I asked him what was going on.
"They're following us."
Now I was the one glancing over my shoulder. "You think?"
He just nodded.
"Maybe they just want to go to the diner, too?" I shrugged it off.
"Maybe."
"Don't worry," I say carelessly, ignoring the fact that if Patrick thought a simpler excuse to be more likely, he wouldn't be so tense for no reason.
We rejoined the others at a table in the right corner next to the bar in this tiny excuse of a diner. We squeezed ourselves onto one of those red fake leather benches that squeak with every move, next to Donald who seemed less than happy to be sharing his space when he previously had it all to himself.
Immediately the red-haired waitress in a pink dress and white apron came over with a probably lukewarm pot of coffee. Frank had already turned his designated cup around when she only so much as looked at our table and the waitress knew to pour him some coffee as if he's always been eating here.
"Welcome to Speedy's Diner. My name's Rebecca. Can I get you some coffee while I'll fetch you the menu?"
"Yes, please. Thank you, ma'am." Frank answered, putting his best smile on.
"Anyone else wants some coffee?"
Donald lazily flipped the cup in front of him around and mumbled a 'thanks' when she poured him a cup. Patrick ordered some tea for himself while Jerry and Little Gerry were too busy arguing amongst themselves what they're looking forward to eating the most.
"Have you seen some interesting things while you've stalked our enemies?" Little Gerry asked me and I blushed immediately.
"I've seen their placards all over town. They have white stallions." Jerry gushed making big gestures like he was describing elephants.
"When I saw them they looked more like ponies," I admitted and Frank chuckled.
"Not even big fairs can keep themselves from tooting their own horn," Donald remarked ironically and immediately retreated into his passive staring state that would surely lift when the caffeine hit. Still, we all had a smile about it.
"But they do have a lot of joints and stuff." I had to admit and instantly regretted it when everyone's smiles deflated. There's just nothing we had to compare to their amount of food or game stalls.
"But there's nothing like Mariah's hotdogs!" Little Gerry exclaimed, joined in by Jerry's "And Harald's sweets."
The waitress handed us four menus, resulting in Patrick and I sharing one.
We stared at it for the better part of a minute, scanning the many dishes. Throughout I felt Patrick's eyes on me, causing mine to wander, too. When they met, he smiled and finally leaned over to me.
"May I invite you to our first brunch date." He whispered into my ear but his attempts at keeping this a private conversation were lost in our close space.
Donald rolled his eyes even though he managed a smile while he exchanged a look with Frank. Little Gerry just straight-up stared at me grinning and again managed to make me slightly uncomfortable.
"Thanks." I managed to mutter under my breath, strictly staring at the menu while my face turned into the color of ripe tomatoes.
"Y'all already know what you want?" Frank distracted at least Jerry and Gerry because they occupied the menus for their side of the table, ignoring Frank's need for one.
"Pumpkin pie and wings!" Little Gerry answered, resulting in Frank taking his menu.
"Nice mix," Donald remarked, not looking up from his.
"Nevermind. I'll have to rethink my decision." Jerry announced and dove into the long list of foods again while Gerry already looked very content with his choice.
When everyone's quietly staring at the paper in their hands again, I took the opportunity to excuse myself.
"Could you order the pancakes for me, please? I'll be right back."
"Do you want anything to drink?"
I denied, already standing up to escape the questions. Somehow it felt weird to let him pay for my food. We both knew how much each of us earned and it wasn't much. I wanted to keep my part of the receipt as low as possible.
"Are you sure? They have great sweet tea."
I hesitated. Honestly, I was dying of thirst and I've loved sweet tea since I was little. But people were staring at me again and I felt the heat rush to my cheeks again.
"Yeah really. I'll just get something later if I'm thirsty." ... Later when the bill is already paid and I can pay for my own without making a scene.
"Okay," he said and granted me his signature smile. The sideways one that made you think he knows something that you don't without making you feel stupid. The one that made me want to kiss him endlessly until I'm able to elicit every single one of his secrets.
I turn to walk towards the other end of the diner and the restrooms with my bag hung over my shoulder when a group of young men catches my eye. I had to walk right by them and the one closest to me watched me with great interest, icy blue eyes following me. Not even trying to hide it but full-on staring.
They followed us. My head was suddenly full of anxious thoughts, remembering Lucas and his obvious problem with keeping his distance. Maybe my staring has offended them or they found some other reason. Or they just want to eat, the little voice of reason argued. Maybe they are rich enough with their giant show to afford to eat out while on tour instead of eating what the fair's cook made for the crew.
I hurried past them and only heard them break out in louder chatter once I was close to disappearing behind the door to the ladies' room.
I took my sweet time with brushing my teeth and freshening up, ridiculously hoping that they changed their mind and left before I came out again. But of course, they were still there when I came out. The one guy sitting opposite to the previously staring one, shifted in his spot to block my way with his legs as soon as he saw me. Now awkwardly leaning on his bench but he didn't seem to care that he made a fool of himself.
My feet started to walk automatically and I just stared towards my own booth where the waitress was serving our food already. Not once looking at them or anywhere else but my destination. I matched my steps exactly in a way that would have made it possible to elegantly step over his legs but he moved them just in time for me to stumble.
"Watch your gams." I hissed before I was able to think twice after I nearly fell sprawling to the ground. Only the side of his bench saved me from falling completely.
"Ah, nice of you to stop by." The leg guy said in a weird abomination of English that made him sound instantly evil combined with the same cold blue stare that his friend possessed. "My friend Victor here saw you lurking around our fair. If you want to visit he can get you ticket."
In the middle of his sentence he grabbed my wrist, disguising it as helping me steady myself but he didn't let go after.
"No, thanks."
"Ah, no worry. He can get you inside without money. He knows the best places." Victor's friend carried on, ignoring or not understanding the venomous tone in my voice.
"I'll rather wait for the next fair." I pried his fingers from my hand with enough force that his smile cracked for a second. But it was all it took for me to be on my way again. Donald was already standing up, ready to bolt to my rescue with Patrick and the others being a second away from coming over, too.
"Ah come on, honey.", he tried his best to coax me into giving him even just a moment more of my attention. But I let his remark slip. I didn't even have to answer because Donald did it for me: "Hey Ruskie! She's with us." Maybe cursing someone out wasn't the best way to shut him down in the long run, but right now it seemed to help.
I heard Victor's friend utter a breathed laugh, more like a sigh but menacing in nature before he replied. "I'll see you around, chump." Then he turned to me for the last time with a smile. "See you later, princess." He earned himself a kick to the shin by Victor who was a bit more reserved than his loud-mouthed friend.
"Russians." Donald handled the word like it was a hair in his mouth. Eager to get the intrusive thing out with spite.
"Your father is Russian," Jerry remarked boldly grinning and received a death stare in return.
"All the more reason." Donald hissed and quickly gulped down his coffee. There was no more talk about Russians or his father after that. Obviously, the three men knew something about Donald that we didn't and there was a silent agreement not to bother him with that knowledge.
Patrick let me lean against him while his arm wrapped around my middle. It was one of those things that I used to ridicule about townies who were always up in the other lover's personal space but now I understood. It was warmth and safety and the warm, fuzzy feeling of being special. Like a Christmas morning with a loving family smashed together in a touch so you could enjoy it all year around.
The brothers dove into their foods and devoured it before I even touched my pancakes. Jerry had ordered a pumpkin soup and clubsandwich, funnily enough, a variation of Little Gerry's pumpkin with bird brunch.
Donald and Frank were still waiting for their ribs and coleslaw and Patrick poked his cheese omelet, handling having only one hand to eat pretty well.
"So how come we've never seen you before?" Little Gerry broke the silence with a question that didn't make the atmosphere any more comfortable. When I didn't answer immediately, he added: "You seem pretty nice for a show act."
Jerry coughed slightly. I couldn't help but smile at Little Gerry's innocent way of speaking about things. We should all talk about uncomfortable topics more often like this.
"I was taught not to mingle with the billposters. Prejudices, I guess. You guys are friendlier than some of the people I was allowed to talk to." I admitted lowly.
"If you don't count our half Russian friend." Little Gerry joked, rubbing salt into the wound but Donald only huffed.
"You know what's funny?" Jerry suddenly began to speak very seriously but then grinned at me as he progressed. "We were told to keep away from the show acts because they're stuck up and regularly getting workers into trouble."
"I guess that's how we worked at the same fair but never met," I concluded and we smiled together.
The red-head came back and served first Frank his ribs and then Donald, smiling sweetly at him as he watched her through his lashes. As she turned around and walked back to her counter, Donald shyly looked after her and something in his tired blue eyes lit up.
I already loved them all and I promised myself to never stop talking to them once the world started turning again. Should my parents not kill me for running away with the people they specifically forbade me to talk to and with Patrick, of course. Patrick, who my dad threatened to dispose of if he was caught with me again. I wouldn't let them stop me from talking to people again. That was the promise I made myself as I ate the first syrup-soaked pancake and felt like Christmas morning with my loving family.