"I like your room, it's...cute and suites you," Collin sauntered into the room.
"Thanks.. I guess," I muttered while shutting the door. Facing the room, Collin was observing the room, feeling the pillars and examining the floor; I saw him smirk at the large claw marks. He finally settled on the couch on the far wall so I sat at the chair at my makeup table. Even with him across the room I felt awkward. "So...," I filled the silence," Was there something else you wanted to discuss?"
" There is no specific topic... What did you do today? Anything fun?," I saw his lip raise into a smirk. Am I in trouble? Was I not supposed to go to the city place?
"...No. Not really. Luna and I just kind of relaxed..." I answered carefully.
"Where is Luna," Collin glanced as if she had been hiding," Is she here?"
"Uh... no, she's not. She went to that school... place. She is trying to learn how to breathe fire."
"Really? She seems a little young, it may be a while."
I shrugged," Luna is determined, I'm sure she'll achieve it soon."
"I'll ask Razor to help her out. After all, he had to learn to breathe fire on his own, I'm sure he has some good tips."
"Oh.. thanks," I flashed a weak smile before shifting in my seat. I knew we had nothing in common but this conversation went stale fast... I could always bring up dragons stuff but I'm too tired to pretend that-...
"You still hate me, huh," Collin asked without any warning.
I whipped my head back to face him, he was now sitting up with his elbows on his knees with his hand supported his head while he stared at the floor. My eyes shifted to his leg that was jumping up and down, He's anxious. About this? Why does he care?
"I-I...I...," I cleared my throat. I do hate him. He did this. He... he did this. Should I just tell him? If I do what will he do? Will he make my life a living hell?.. or more so... How do you tell someone you hate, that you hate them?
"Figures," Collin muttered while turning his head to the side.
"Look," I was ready to level with him, but he just shook his head.
"I didn't steal your life away, Alyson, I gave you the keys to a better one. Don't you see that? Here, in this place, we are revered and praised as protectors of peace. We attend parties and live pretty much free lives, all while living in the most beautiful world in any dimension," he seemed more confident now, less nervous, more like cocky, arrogant Collin, "Back home you lived in a small town dating some douche guy that cheated on you, in a house where no one really cared. Here, you could have a guy who really cared about you, a guy who would protect your feelings... I did you a favor."
" A favor! You did me a favor?" Shock and rage were mixing in my brain and it was not a good combo. HOW DARE HE ASSUME TO KNOW ME!? My hands were clenched and my teeth were grinding as I held in my explosive remark. I closed my eyes and drew air in slowly. Wait... Take a deep breath.. put the blocks around your mind, no need to disturb Luna's training with a temper tantrum... there. Deep breath.
"You don't know me. You don't know my family and you certainly don't know my life," I opened my eyes. " We are not friends," I said in a low voice," If I consider you anything, it's a kidnapper, manipulator, jackass, with a ego bigger than Kanye West, himself!"
"Seems harsh," he said leaning back into the couch," Besides, I like to think I can read people really well."
"Really," I scoffed and turned away from him," I can read people pretty well too and you know what I think? I think you're a two faced, egotistically asshole who only cares for himself. God, it's like every time we see each other you have a completely different persona. What are you being now? Sweet? An asshole? Seems to me like you're playing your cocky delusional idiot card! A boy who thinks that he actually helped me by taking away my future. You are not a friend. You're just... just...," I put my head in my hands and let out a deep sigh," That's the thing...," I was mostly talking to myself but couldn't stop ranting it aloud. I was so mad and frustrated with him, he lied to me and tricked me here. He was not my friend. "I don't even know who you are." Calm down, drama queen. Don't overreact. He could destroy your chances of getting home.
Collin was still slumped on the couch but his face was blank and expressionless. "You don't know me? Really? I was completely honest with you when we met," he said in a serious tone.
My jaw dropped, Did he really say that!? "REALLY? ARE YOU SERIOUS?! HONEST!?" My calming thoughts vanished.
He rolled his eyes," Stop acting better than everyone here. You know damn well that I couldn't just come out on the first day we met and tell you ' Hey, I also have a dragon and am here to take you and your impossible animal back to a made up world.' I mean come on, Alyson. I picked the best plan, believe me there were worse way to bring you here like... like I could have drugged you the first day or brought in the guards, but I-..."
"You threatened me with the guards!"
Collin continued," But I didn't bring them. On the other hand, I could have disobeyed the Queen and played it cool for a few months, gained your trust and we could've been good friends but that would've made you resent me even more. There is no easy way to do this job, Alyson. Believe me I've done it enough times to know...," he sat up again, rubbing his hands together. "I've done this to all the other riders, they all hated me, I bet deep down they all still do. I can't keep apologizing for something I have no control over."
"Whatever," I sat down at my makeup table. "You can tell yourself that all you want but, it doesn't change anything, Collin. You chose to do this."
"I don't want you to resent me, Alyson," he lifted his face to meet my eyes, ignoring my hurtful remarks. An apology doesn't fix what you did.
Neither of us looked away, I'm pretty sure he wasn't even blinking. It wasn't hard to glare, I don't know what this is, why did he even come here? I had gotten distracted by Collin that I had let my guard slip, so I slowly rebuilt the barrier around my thoughts.
"Look, I-.." Collin tried to speak but I didn't need to hear it.
"Stop," I cut him off. "Stop. We're not friends and we never will be. You-..."
"You can't say you don't know me and then keep throwing all these judgments out!," he snapped in a harsh tone that made my heart jump. "You really just think I'm some liar who took advantage of you, huh?"
"Like I said, I don't know you," I retorted coldly.
"But you sure have formed an opinion! I was honest with you, Alyson. I even tried to help you-..."
"Don't spout that crap at me! You didn't help me and you still aren't! I said I didn't want to come here and you forced me to, whether you were ordered to or not! Don't try to play a hero! The hero does what's right, not what he's told!"
"Look, you know that I couldn't leave you in Montana. You see that now right?," he tried to get me to agree with him. "Tell me you know that this wasn't some need for my ego, that it was just me doing my job."
"You have a shitty job, that gives you shitty orders, that you follow because you're a shitty person!"
I was trying to keep my mind like a nice beach: calm, quiet and collected, but my anger was coming in waves to disrupt the tranquility. Even with me suppressing my feelings, I knew that I couldn't do it forever. I wasn't angry, I was sad. I couldn't show anyone how much I was truly falling apart inside: not the Riders, the Queen, and especially not Luna, but it was swelling inside me like a balloon ready to burst. I could feel the tears gathering in my eyes and I didn't want Collin to see me like this and think I'm weak, so I stood up and walked towards the door with my back to him. Hopefully it just looks like I'm still angry.
Collin clapped his hands and stood up," There is no winning with you, I give up," Collin walked past me to the door and I was glad to see him go. I knew that I was about to cry and I didn't need him to see me so vulnerable. I subtly turned my back to the door so he couldn't see my face "You know what, no, I'm not done," he said. God dammit!
"Why are you still here?," I tried to keep my voice from breaking.
"You say you don't know me, right? Then you tell me I'm so narcissistic asshole, but you forget the other side you know, right?"
I let out a deep sigh," Please just go."
"You forget because it's easier to act like I'm some giant dick with no emotions. We talked that night at your house, you cried on my shoulder! Shit, I told you about the girl who emotionally wrecked me! I know about your family, ex-boyfriend, and I know about your dragon. I know you pretty well."
"Well It must be easy when it's all one sided! I was me and you were 'Collin-Rosco'. That boy I met isn't who you are," I turned around and he was right in front of me. My breath caught in my chest as I stared into his deep brown eyes. I refused to be the first to break eye contact, I was not letting him think he was getting to me. Why are you so close? How did I not here you walk over here?
A tension filled the air as Collin chose his words. "You liked Collin-Rosco though."
WHAT? No doubt a look over confusion spread across my face and I processed what he was saying. This conversation was draining my energy, I was too tired to fight anymore, it was all pointless anyway. The sadness was once again pushed within the balloon, my eyes were dry, and my guard was up.
I finally broke my stare on his face, turned away and sat down at my makeup table again, "You know what? I did like Collin-Rosco." SHUT UP, I screamed at myself, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? "He was nice, polite, he cared about important things, was ambitious and funny. He listened and was a good guy and a good friend to me."
"You liked him more than a friend," Collin stated with a smirk on his face
My heart was pounding, but I was not going to let him control me through my emotions. "I saw potential," I said a little less confidently than I wanted to without meeting his eye. I swatted the air around me," But that doesn't matter because he is a figment, an illusion, a ghost of the past. He is not real."
"I'm that guy, Alyson. Don't you see that he is me, I care about you and want you to be safe here. Everything I told you, despite this place... was true," he coughed uncomfortably," I'm...I'm not saying that you have to like me... like that, or anything. What I am saying is that I'm not this villain that you think I am. I am Collin-Rosco. I'm Rider Collin, I'm just Collin.""
I let out a small laugh," Collin-Rosco was just your alias, he does not exist. Since we've been here, I haven't seen any correlation between you and him. He's a character. He's the person every guy pretends to be when they want to get laid..." My eyes shot up and Collin looked shocked and really uncomfortable, BAD WORD CHOICE! "I'm not saying... that y-you... that you w-were trying to... uhm... trying to... oh god. What I'm saying is that you are Rider Collin. A guy who puts himself before others, you proved that on the quest and a guy who doesn't know what he wants. A guy I don't know. So I know you from what I've observed while being in Alagaesia, but beyond that you're a stranger. To me, you and Collin-Rosco are two different people."
"Why don't you get to know me then, I can show you we're are the same person. We could even be friends..."
"Collin, I don't forgive that easily," I stated honestly.
"I'm not so black and white... I do know what I want," he said while leaning against the pillar in my room.
"Good thing you already have it," I looked down at the stone floor. "You and Ashley are a perfect match."
Collin flinched at her name," Things between us are... we're...," Collin was searching for the right to use.
I didn't know what Collin was trying to say. but I didn't want to hear it. I was tired and ready to pass out and I knew whatever it is he was wanting to say would only prolong our already extensive talk. Even though I wanted nothing more than to kick him out and sleep, a little voice in my head kept whispering to me: He is trying to say he likes you. Naturally, my mind started to wander from the facts,Do I like Collin? I looked at the man leaning against the pillar in front of me and my head traveled back to the night at my house when I wanted him to kiss me and in the field when my heart was racing. Just remembering how I acted when he texted me back, I knew that I had a crush on him. But this wasn't that same guy. They looked identical but I knew that the Collin here wasn't the boy I had liked in Montana.
He has Ashley. Even if he didn't, it wouldn't change what he did. I might have been to harsh before but it doesn't change the fact that he lied to me. I doesn't change the things he said and did back home that made me feel like he might have liked me, then the minute we got back he was in Ashley's arms. It doesn't change how he's acted since we've been here. I could never be with someone like that, sounds just like something Darion would do now. Collin doesn't even like me, I'm just over analyzing; not that I want to be with Collin, anyway. All those feeling started at home and died at home. I need to focus on going home, no time to be distracted by a stupid boy.
"No," I stopped him before he could finish his defense. "No, no, no , no," I felt an eerie smile form on my face. "You can't just flip-flop back and forth. You made your decision and it's honestly the best one. This may be a fairy-tale place but it's not Disney; you can't get whatever you want whenever you want it!" My face was once again replaced with a stone cold expression.
Even if I do like him, I don't want to be with him. I don't want to see where it goes. I don't want anything to do with him romantically. I want to go back to where I belong.
"Stop," Collin reached out," I'm not with her."
"I haven't made a choice, Alyson, things aren't so simple."
"Really? Things aren't simple? Let me simplify it for you. I don't like you." As soon as the words left my mouth, I felt a sense of relief. Saying it out loud really finalized it, I really don't like him.
"What?," Collin eyes widened and stepped towards me, away from the pillar," You just said I had potential."
"No, I said Collin-Rosco had potential."
"WE'RE THE SAME PERSON!," Collin took another step towards me, "Don't you get that?"
"NO YOU'RE NOT! He doesn't exist to me anymore."
"What are you talking about! I don't get why we're even talking about this!"
"Then why are we discussing it?," I asked, waiting for his no doubt evasive response. "This seems like kind of a big reaction from a guy who has a girlfriend..."
"This conversation does seem to be... heavy," Collin sighed and placed his hand in his weird pockets," But I think it's because you're putting all your emotions into it; your anger, your misery, your lust and your sorrow. You don't have to explain it to me, but I just see why you're being a bitch about this. We were just having a nice conversation..." He sighed again," Ashley and I share a history, I was there as her friend."
"Collin, this means nothing to me. I don't care about this. I don't care about you, her, any of it."
"We're just friends," he said again quietly
"Well, we," I gestured to us," aren't. "
"I don't understand why you're so upset about this."
"I'm not upset," I replied calmly. "I just don't care, which you seem to care about. Right now, you're proving my point about being a liar..."
"How?," Collin though his arms up," How am I lying!?"
I couldn't help but smirk, he had no idea the arsenal I held against him. I didn't even plan to call him out, but he was literally asking me too.
"Okay, Collin... One, you cuddled up to her every night for like 6 days straight. I was there, you can;t say that's not true. Two, the whole fight scene where you and Ashley fought about me.. was weird. It's not really evidence of anything, but I think now is the time to state that I thought it was odd. I won't mention you holding her while she sobbed after the council review, because that could have been friendly," I shrugged. "Lastly, the night of my ball when you snuck away from helping me to make out and do whatever else with your so called friend."
Collin shifted in his spot, "That' never happened."
I chuckled," I saw you, Collin. Why are you lying? I mean, it's none of my business who you do your business with, but just stop lying. Okay?"
"Okay... I'm gonna go." Collin said slowly, he backed away and then left the room without another word.