Author's Note

Please forgive any spelling and/or grammar errors. I hope you enjoy it, please let me know what you think!

PS I'm not J. K. Rowling, so I don't own anything :(

Ch 12: The Plunge

"Who's there?"

The slurred question smashed through Draco's relief as suddenly as getting run over by the Hogwarts Express.

Without giving it much thought, Draco spun and fired a banishing charm. He barely registered the indignant squawk before he ducked inside the newly repaired cabinet.

Dark emptiness. Fathomless. Floating in nothingness. Lost barings. No up from down. Easy to vanish entirely. Forever. All doubts and fears gone.

A flash of Lily smiling filled his mind, then his feet touched solid ground and reality returned.

Draco shifted, inching one foot forward. No sooner had he done that, than his toe connected with a barrier. Cursing at the throbbing pain, Draco brought his hand up, his palm coming flush with a wooden panel. He was in the cabinet's twin. The one located in Borgin and Burke's.

Shoving the heavy door open, Draco hopped down and turned on the spot, Disapparating before anyone that happened to be in the store had a chance to get a good look at him.

The looming stone exterior of Malfoy Manor appeared in front of him as he shook off the sensation of having collapsed in on himself enough to have been slurped through a straw.

It really was ridiculous on the Ministry's part not to wait and administer Apparation tests at the same time the people turned up at the school for O.W.L.s and N.E.W.T.s. If they did, Draco would have gotten his license a couple days ago. But no. They had to come early. A mere few days prior to his birthday. Really, they should just let all sixth year students test at the same time instead of insisting they wait until after the student's seventeenth birthday.

Not that it mattered. Not having a license hadn't stopped him from doing it. Rules rarely did. Not when they prevented him from doing or having something he wanted.

He slipped easily through the halls, taking detours through rarely used parts to reach his mother's parlor while avoiding the Death Eaters that had taken it upon themselves to treat Malfoy Manor as though it was their home. It wasn't. And Draco hated that his family was being forced to play host to the insane convicts and the monster who dared threaten and harm his mother in her own home.

"Mother, I've done it," he announced, rushing to her side.

He started at the sight of her, but quickly masked his expression to hide his concern from her. Her hair was limp and tangled, as though it had gone some time without being washed or even brushed. Bruises darkened the skin beneath her eyes, leaving him to wonder when the last time she had a good night's rest was. Worst of all, however, was the angry bite mark marring her neck, looking as fresh as when it first happened though no blood spilled.

Never had Draco ever seen his mother appear anything less than perfectly composed and put together. Appearances were everything, and she'd always prided herself on surpassing even the loftiest expectations in that regard.

If he'd been wavering in his decision, the sight of her would have been all the motivation he needed to know he was on the correct path. She'd always done everything to take care of him, now it was his turn to look after her.

"Draco! What are you doing here? And, Merlin, you look awful! Haven't you been -"

"I've done it," he repeated, taking her hands gently within his own.

She was one to talk about how he looked given her own state. She looked so very fragile. Spun glass blown far too thin, where even the lightest of touches would crack it.

Understanding suddenly lit her face and with it came profound relief. She'd been scared. Scared he'd fail. Seeing her shoulders slump, a clear indication of the ceaseless fear and strain she'd been living with, tore at him. His ineptitude had dragged her ordeal out.

"The Dark Lord will be pleased," she breathed, cringing as she said his title and absently touching her side where Draco knew Greyback had wounded her.

"You'll be safe," he vowed fiercely, determined to make sure she never suffered anything like that again.

He wanted to take her away. To spare his mother any additional pain, worry, or threats.

But they couldn't run. He'd made a deal with Snape. Draco would spy for the Order. He would help Potter finish this, because doing so would also protect Lily, and that was equally important to him.

"You must stop worrying for me and start looking out for yourself. Promise me, Draco," his mother insisted, bringing her hand up to cup his cheek.

Covering her hand with his own, he carefully asked, "If I could get you out…. If it were possible…."

She studied him intently, reading between the lines all that he didn't dare voice aloud while under the same roof as a dozen zealous Death Eaters.

"Not without you," she replied, a core of steel underlying the finality in her decision.

He'd been afraid she'd say that.

"Thank you for going to Snape. He's going to...to do it. He's going to finish it for me," Draco informed her.

"Oh," she closed her eyes, smiling slightly before hugging him tightly, adding, "that is such a relief. I never wished this life for you. I never wanted you to have to do such things."

"I know. Tell the Dark Lord to attack tonight. After dinner," he said, knowing he needed to get going if he wanted to put everything in place.

"Draco, stay here," she begged, grabbing his arm and holding on tightly as he started to leave. "If Severus is going to do it, you don't have to return."

She wished to protect him just as much as he wanted to protect her. Yet neither would budge.

"I do actually," he said, trying to smile for her, but he could tell she didn't buy it. "I love you."

"Stay safe, my son," she answered, and he gave a single sharp nod of acknowledgement. He would try – there was too much he wanted for himself not to.

As soon as he was outside the gates, he Apparated to the Burrow. The place looked like a stiff breeze would send it toppling to the ground. Did Lily truly love this place? That was something he doubted he'd ever understand.

Draco stood at the back door, unmoving for several minutes. He was terrified of what he was about to do. This was a door that once opened, could never be shut again. It was all well and good to agree to spy, but this would be the first time actually doing it. And they'd expect him to keep taking risks like this again in the future.

There was a definite difference between where he'd been and where he was now. A dark manor versus a bright hovel. Echoing shrieks of agony punctuating the otherwise silent hallways versus the blasting music that floated out into the garden from a nearby open window. The scent of blood versus that of boysenberry pie.

Everything about this place was more inviting, despite its rundown appearance, the more he thought about it. Maybe he could understand her affection, after all.

Not to mention the biggest draw of all – Lily. She was just inside.

That knowledge spurred him forward until he was knocking on the door. He really hoped Lily was the one to answer. He didn't particularly feel like getting cursed, which he had a feeling her grandparents would do if they saw him at their home. Probably, they'd think he was there to hurt or threaten them. A year ago, they'd likely have been right to think so.

No such luck.

The door opened to reveal his cousin. Tonks. Complete with purple hair and eyes that were eerily similar to his own. But her face was utterly inscrutable as she took him in.

"Draco Malfoy," she finally said, opening the door wider and inviting, "come in."

"Is she…" he began, looking around for Lily and hoping Tonks understood his meaning. It'd be a lot easier to tell her without chickening out than it would be to tell an Auror. Tonks nodded, gesturing towards the living room.

Draco barely saw the threadbare furniture or rosy glow from the fire, not after he heard her laughter ring out and caught sight of her directing a dozen balloons to wiz around above her head like they were performing an elaborate dance.

She was stunning, even in a simple Muggle t-shirt and cutoff jean shorts. Messy waves mussed her scarlet hair, making it appear like a waterfall cascading down her back. It was longer than the last time he'd seen it, brushing the top of her bum, and Draco longed to run his hands through the burning locks. The cinnamon dusting of freckles across the bridge of her nose gave her the intoxicating and contradictory appearance of being both sexy and innocent all at once.

He could stare at her for hours and never tire of seeing her.

"Arthur is at the Ministry and Molly is at the twins' flat just now so we're looking -"

"Draco!" Lily cried, turning to see who Tonks was talking to and noticing him immediately.

In less than a second she was in his arms. Draco held her close, burying his face in her neck and inhaling the floral perfume she wore. She fit perfectly against him, her soft curves lining up and molding to his lean frame.

"This is… an unexpected surprise," Remus said, drawing Draco's attention away from the treasure he held. Lily shifted, but they each kept one arm around the other as he prepared himself to deliver his news.

There were books and quills spread out across the surface of the coffee table and he bet they were doing a final bit of review before Lily sat her O.W.L.s. Since she was home schooled, she had to wait until after the students at Hogwarts finished theirs so that one of the examiners was available to visit the home.

"I came to warn you. Death Eaters are attacking the castle tonight," Draco said quickly, hoping it'd be like ripping off a bandaid, easier if you just got it over with.

"There are protections in place. They can't get in," Remus argued, exchanging a worried frown with Tonks.

"They can," Draco countered, ducking his head. He couldn't stand seeing the inevitable condemnation on his former professor's face. The knowledge that people were at risk because of Draco. Guilt ate at him, festering in his gut like rotten fruit.

"I see," Remus said wearily, sighing loudly.

"He has my mother," Draco explained weakly, willing them to understand.

Lily hadn't let go of him, and he felt her hand rubbing soothing circles on his lower back. With each passing second that no one cursed him or railed at him for his actions, he relaxed into her embrace a little more.

Finally, Remus said, "This warning is appreciated. We have time to move our people into place. I'll alert the others."

"Bill's already there. He mentioned Dumbledore asking him since he'd be out," Tonks said, speaking more to Remus than himself, but her words startled him regardless.

"Dumbledore isn't there?" he asked, stunned at the poor timing of it all.

"Does that matter?" Remus asked, studying him closely.

Did it? Would it mean the headmaster was safe? Except, what would happen to Snape if he didn't kill Dumbledore. He wasn't sure how the vow worked or if the headmaster's absence meant Draco hadn't technically failed, so Snape would get a reprieve, and simply have to do it later.

"I…I wish there was more…" Draco answered, trailing off with a helpless shrug. The warning didn't seem enough. Especially if his actions put students at risk for no reason.

"Not being caught unaware makes more of a difference than you might realize," Remus said, offering a kind smile Draco knew he didn't deserve, yet welcomed all the same. He didn't look particularly worried, which did wonders to eliminate a huge portion of the guilt he was feeling. "It took a lot of courage for you to come here. Lily said you wanted to help us. It's nice to know she was correct."

"I do. Hopefully I will be useful in the future as well," Draco said, hoping his intentions were clear.

"Guess I don't mind claiming you as family, after all," Tonks announced, winking at him. Lily made a subtle gesture with her head, silently requesting a bit of privacy. Tonks's grin grew as she said, "We should get going. Any idea when they're attacking?"

Draco glanced out the window. The sun had just set and the deep blues of twilight filled the sky. "Soon."

Lily waited until the two were gone before she spoke again, wonder in her voice as she said, "You're really going to do it."

"Did you doubt me?" he asked, raising a single brow in challenge.

"No. I always believed in you," she rushed to say, smiling brightly. Her confidence was infectious.

"I wouldn't have dared if not for you," he said, reaching to rub a lock of her crimson hair between his fingers. It looked so much like fire that he half expected it to singe his fingers, but it was smooth and silky.

"That's not true," she insisted, mock punching his stomach. "I hope you're doing this for yourself too. I'd never want to force you to do something you didn't want to do."

"No one forces a Malfoy to do anything," Draco said automatically.

Yet even as he said the words, he knew it wasn't true. Not anymore. Not since the Dark Lord had returned. Then he'd spent months at his mercy. But she was correct. Lily may have inspired him initially. But since he'd arrived at the Burrow, he felt lighter. It was a feeling he welcomed and would definitely seek out again.

He should be terrified. If discovered, his life was forfeit. Likely painfully.

Instead, it was a bit of a rush sticking it to the Dark Lord like this. Plus, it had the added bonus of a promise that he wouldn't always be under the monster's thumb. Freedom and a chance to spend weekends playing Quidditch with Lily or the chance to hold her hand as they strolled through Hogsmeade together outweighed the fear.

Doing this could restore his name. When Potter won, all those that sided with him would be recognized and celebrated. He wanted that adulation back, and it'd be even better because this time he could shove what he was doing in people's faces to show why they should respect him. He'd have earned it rather than simply bought it.

And of course there was the bit where Lily had believed he'd live through this. Hopefully things hadn't changed so much that it wasn't true anymore. Believing he wasn't truly at risk made it a hell of a lot easier.

"This is the right thing to do – for the life I want," he stated resolutely.

"Oh, Draco," Lily said, throwing her arms around him and kissing him passionately. Against his lips, she ordered, "Be careful!"

"I love you, Lily," Draco said, the words slipping out of their own accord.

"I rather figured you did," she said tartly, pressing her lips together to smother the delighted grin she was attempting to hide.

"That's all you've got to say?" he prompted incredulously, settling his hands low on her hips, the tips of his fingers sneaking under the hem of her shirt to brush the soft skin above her low riding shorts.

"If I say I love you too, you'll always wonder if I only said it because you did first. If you want to know how I feel, come back when this night is over," Lily said, the wicked gleam of a promise sparkling in her hazel eyes.

"I'll see you soon," he said, accepting her challenge eagerly.

"Expelliarmus!" Draco yelled, disarming the shadowed figure before he realized what he'd done.

The wand soared through the air, over the side of the ramparts and out of sight before he recognized that the person he'd fired at was the headmaster.

Stunned, Draco tried to apologize, "I-I didn't mean to."

He'd headed to the Astronomy Tower when the fighting began because he'd expected it to be empty. He'd not wanted the others to force him to join the fight. Not when he wasn't sure which side he should be fighting against. That was still a bit of a grey area for him.

"Didn't you?" Dumbledore asked softly, his breathing sounding wheezy and strained. What had he been doing? He wasn't even standing on his own. No, he was leaning heavily against the wall.

"Lupin said you weren't here. I didn't realize it was you. I thought…" he rambled, shaking his head in disbelief at his luck. If he'd truly meant to carry out the Dark Lord's mission, his chances could not be better. The headmaster was alone. Unarmed. And by all appearances, greatly weakened.

Except things had changed.

"You spoke to Remus this evening?" Dumbledore asked, betraying a hint of surprise that perked him up slightly.

"I went to the Burrow. I warned him and my cousin of the attack," Draco confessed, shifting uncomfortably.

Part of him felt like he should go get Madam Pomfrey to see to the old man, but he recognized the absurdity in the desire, all things considered. He'd been ordered to kill the man. He wasn't going to, but Snape was. Tonight. So much for believing it'd be postponed.

Or would it? Snape wasn't around, and Draco hadn't seen him since he'd returned to the castle, arriving through the cabinet mere minutes before the other Death Eaters.

Where was the dark man? He'd promised to finish this so Draco wouldn't have to.

A heavy sigh filled the air, Dumbledore's relief nearly tangible.

Reality set in. Any puffed up feelings of pride over his actions deflated faster than a popped balloon.

The idea that the man before him was about to die made his stomach roll violently. Bile inched up his throat, coating it with an acidic burning. Draco hadn't fully grasped how messed the situation was until that very moment. They'd made arrangements on how, when, and who would end a man's life. The man he was watching struggle to remain upright.

Had he truly allowed himself to be complicit for months before he did something about it?

"Good. That's good. You did well, my boy. Very well. I knew you'd do the right thing," Dumbledore said, smiling benevolently like a proud grandfather.

"Don't," Draco demanded, shaking his head in refusal. He should have asked for help sooner. He should have told Dumbledore everything when had the chance. It was wrong to be praised when he was guilty of so much. "It's my fault they were able to get in. It's my fault the others were hurt this year."

"Yes, Katie Bell and Ronald Weasley were unintentional victims of your feeble attempts. Fortunately, they will make a full recovery…seeing as your heart wasn't truly in it."

"You've known this whole time – what I've been trying to do," Draco stated, stunned by the revelation.

"Professor Snape has kept a close watch on you for me this year," he confirmed weakly, sliding down the wall until he was fully seated. Apparently his legs were no longer capable of supporting his weight.

Snape's involvement had been requested by both sides. Perhaps this night was inevitable then. Why wasn't Dumbledore resisting? He seemed completely at peace and accepting of what was to come. It made no sense.

Or was it the aftermath of whatever ordeal he'd been through before returning to the castle? The old man looked frail, helpless, withered and shrunken. Not an ounce of his usual strength and power was visible. At best, he looked feeble, with the specter of death hovering closer by the second.

"Did he tell you –"

"Yes," Dumbledore interrupted, and Draco thought he saw the man's blue eyes dart briefly to the left behind his half-moon glasses.

The sounds of distant fighting grew louder, a clear indication those involved were headed their way. Bangs and crashes roared, making the stones tremble. A cry of frustration split the air, arrowing up to them from the base of the staircase.

"It sounds as though the Order are putting up a good fight. Since our time together grows short, please ask if there is anything you wish to know."

Ask? Know?

How could he sit there so calmly when he knew Snape was on his way to kill him? Why was he just letting it happen?

"If you knew, why didn't you stop me?"

"The decision, of which side to support, needed to be your own. You could not be forced to do the right thing," Dumbledore explained calmly, as though it truly were a simple matter of giving Draco time to figure out the Dark Lord was a psychopath and that torture and murder weren't a laugh.

"I almost didn't. He hurt my mother," Draco admitted, attempting to justify why it had taken him so long to open his eyes.

"Yes, a difficult position you've found yourself in this year. I'm sorry, Draco. We can hide her –"

"No. She won't go without me," Draco said, resignation a heavy weight he feared would send him to his knees.

Intrigued, Dumbledore asked, "You don't wish to go? We could hide you both at the Burrow."

With Lily. The words were unspoken, but he heard the offer nonetheless. It was tempting, so tempting.

Straightening, because this was the only chance he'd ever have to impress the man, Draco relayed his intentions, "I think I can help. I'm going to. Because it's right, yes, but also for her. For Lily."

"Love can have a profound effect on a person," Dumbledore said wistfully, bowing his head.

"I never expected her," Draco admitted, shaking his head as he remembered her enthusiastic greeting that evening. Not to mention the anticipation he felt to hear her declare her feelings for him when he saw her next. "Sir, I'm sorry that –"

"Hush," he chided, eyes flicking to the empty spot again. Was Potter there? Was he trying to hide things from him? Why? But when he opened his mouth to ask, Dumbledore prompted, "They're coming."

Alarmed, because now he could hear the pounding steps of several people rushing up the steps as well, Draco asked, "What should I do?"

"Make it look convincing. Maintain their trust. The Order will need you in the coming months," he advised quickly.

Convincing? How was he supposed to do that without actually killing the man? Panic froze him, and Dumbledore frowned.

Swiftly, the headmaster lifted his arm towards Draco, and his own wand arm snapped up in response, prepared to fend off an attack just as several Death Eaters entered the room.

Draco blinked, taking in the long, ancient fingers – and what they didn't hold. He'd momentarily forgotten that he'd already disarmed the wizard. But thanks to his actions, it now appeared Draco had the man at his mercy, only just disarmed.

"Dumbledore cornered! Dumbledore wandless, Dumbledore alone! Well done, Draco, well done!" Amycus crowed, relishing the sight with a bit too much fervor.

Draco watched passively as Dumbledore exchanged pleasantries and made small talk with the Death Eaters. It was utterly surreal.

But as they began ordering him to get on with it, demanding he kill the man, Draco found it impossible to move or speak. He was trapped. Where was Snape? He'd promised, but where was he now that the time had come?

Draco couldn't. He couldn't do it. He did not want to become a murderer. Particularly not to a man that had shown him nothing but kindness, despite Draco having done nothing to earn it. His father had raised him to believe compassion was a weakness, but it didn't feel that way.

And it wasn't as though he hadn't already discovered his father had been wrong about a great many things.

"Draco, do it or stand aside so one of us –"

He nearly collapsed in relief when Snape appeared, gliding forward to stand directly beside him. The man took in the scene with a single glance, but said nothing.

"We've got a problem, Snape, the boy doesn't seem able –"

"Severus…" Dumbledore said, a note of pleading entering his voice. It wrenched at Draco's heart. "Severus…please…"

"Avada Kedavra!"

Draco gasped when the jet of green light hit Dumbledore directly in the center of his chest, the force of it sending the man careening over the ramparts to follow the same path his wand had earlier.

It was over.

It had happened precisely the way they'd planned it.

The headmaster was dead.

One second he'd been calmly speaking to Draco, and the next he was gone.

"Out of here, quickly," Snape ordered, roughly grabbing Draco's arm and bodily dragging him along with him.

What was happening?

They were racing down the stairs and through the halls so fast that Draco could hardly draw in enough air to fuel his burning lungs, nevermind enough to demand an explanation. Snape's grip was relentless.

Everything they passed was a blur. Shouts and fighting continued, but he caught none of it. At one point, he became aware of Potter chasing behind them, but Snape didn't slow or stop. Not until they were past the gates leading to Hogsmeade, at which point Snape turned, taking him with Side-Along Apparation.

"You did it," he gasped, panting from the long run as he recognized that they were standing outside his home.

"Quiet," Snape ordered, nodding towards the others from the fight who had appeared beside them, each giddy from the adrenaline of battle.

Entering Malfoy Manor, they were instantly surrounded by a cacophony of jeers and rude calls. Manic laughter and whooping cries. The spectacle was at once overwhelming and disgusting. Dozens filled the place – his home – all intent on celebrating the death of one of the Dark Lord's two greatest rivals.

It was an undeniable blow to the Order.

Snape was immediately swallowed up into the sea of congratulations. Everyone wanted a piece of the hero of the hour. Draco was shunted aside, disgraced by his failure to follow through. He had no doubt that he'd have been made the festivity's entertainment if he hadn't disarmed the headmaster, in essence making him a softer target for Snape. That single act spared him from further punishment – the only positive to come out of the whole thing.

Once he was certain his absence would go unnoticed, he slipped out from the celebrations, only one thought on his mind. Lily.