Author's Note:
This was a difficult chapter to write, not because it wasn't planned (it was, though only in general outline), but because it affects my beloved Hakuouki world and some of my favourite characters (which/who I still don't own, in case you were wondering).
A word of reassurance in the hopes that you won't (a) have heart attacks and (b) send me Harry Potter world type Howlers: it will all come right in the end. More or less. Angst and embarrassment is "just a natural part of learning you're part Oni and nothing to be ashamed of." (Oh good, sarcastic humour at last!)
Arigatou gozaimasu to those who took the time to review my last couple of chapters. I have written back to most of you (I hope!) but couldn't write back to Speechless Guest who wrote a great review. [Wave!]Also, SG, I have firm plans to watch Fairy Tale and Naruto in between angsting over the next few chapters of this story, so thank you for the encouragement. Oh, and yes, I have been updating very regularly although it does depend how busy the week is. Weekends and Wednesdays are my key writing time at the moment. I appreciated the kind words of encouragement from Guest and Anon (Guest) - nice to hear from you and I hope you'll stay with this story!
I really do appreciate your thoughtful and very encouraging reviews: Ciarei Ceryn, Naolysse88 (glad I can write back to you now!), AzureArchxngel, ArchimedesAckermann, nakigaoyuu (thank you again for keeping an eye on my Japanese!), AsthaRen, red1Rogue (for humour and always making me think), AnimeMango, StariChanx and Swanna.
To SirGAAP: Love the image of Sen ordering Shinsengumi captains on eBay (er, Edo-Bay). Would make great Chibi art. Wish I could draw...
To all those reading this story: Mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa.
And on that happy note...
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"O, let me not be mad, not mad, sweet heaven!
I would not be mad.
Keep me in temper. I would not be mad." - Shakespeare, King Lear (Act 1, Scene V)
"Love is merely a madness..." - Shakespeare, As You Like It (Act III, Scene II)
"That which you mistake for madness is but an overacuteness of the senses." - Edgar Allan Poe
Chapter 21 – Crime and Punishment, Part I
"Come in, Harada-san!"
Chizuru was up and dressed, wearing a new hakamashita that she had recently sewn for herself. Harada didn't think it was coincidental that it was a close match for the colour of the Shinsengumi uniform – he had known early on how much she wanted to fit in and have a place. The room was tidy and smelled pleasantly of lavender, so either somebody had helped her put the futon away or she was feeling much better.
She smiled a bit shyly at Harada when he came in with her meal, and not for the first time he wondered how anybody could take her for a boy. Ah well, part of it was context – a Shinsengumi patrol wouldn't be out with a girl and a girl wouldn't be carrying a sword.
"Arigatou gozaimasu, Harada-san! And thank you for helping me last night. I'm sorry that I wasn't of much use to anybody."
Harada smiled at her with amusement as he deposited her tray and sat down opposite her.
"Well, I know Heisuke's kind of annoying sometimes, but I like having him around… so, be careful what you say about being useless, alright? He might have died without you. "
Chizuru looked a little embarrassed, but she sat up taller and brightened.
"Okay Harada-san! Thank you."
He waited for her to start her food. She ate slowly at first, as if unsure whether she was hungry, but that changed quickly.
"Hungry, Chizuru-chan?" Harada joked as she looked in consternation at her empty bowls.
Chizuru was clearly mortified at the speed with which she'd eaten. And for ignoring her guest, who was always so kind to her. Guessing that she was about to apologize, Harada forestalled her by handing her the orange he'd bought and changing the subject.
"So, you finally met Yamazaki properly this morning, right? How did that go?"
"Thank you for the treat, Harada-san! Yamazaki-san seems to be a good doctor. At least, he asked me all the same questions as my father would have. But he must also be a strong warrior since he fought off several ronin while we were trying to find Hijikata-san last night."
"He's unusual, that's for sure," Harada admitted. "We're lucky he joined us. He tends to be good at all his various jobs."
"He reminded me a bit of Saitō-san when they were talking," Chizuru commented.
"Hmm? Yeah, I can see that."
Harada was too good-natured to tell Chizuru that the words "workaholic" and "perfectionist" came to mind. Shinpachi's comments tended to include "uptight" and "man doesn't know how to relax." It was a toss-up which man he was referring to at any given time. Both Saitō and Yamazaki tended to be pretty careful about respecting the rules and reporting issues to the Vice Commander.
Soldiers always learned a lot from training with Saitō, but he was notoriously hard to please. On the other hand, a word of praise from the Third Division Captain was considered a high honour. And he was scrupulously fair. Mentally, Harada kicked himself for overthinking things. He could tell that he was more concerned about being at odds with Saitō than he'd realized – and it might never even be an issue.
"Are you alright, Harada-san?" Chizuru asked anxiously.
"I'm fine, Chizuru-chan, why?" He managed a cheerful tone and hoped it would help.
"You seemed worried and… a little sad? Did something happen while you were out on patrol?"
"No, no, nothing like that. Seriously. And since you look like you don't believe me, I will tell you about my patrol in every boring detail, okay? Just tell me when to stop!"
She smiled as he had intended, and because he could tell that she was still not quite recovered from whatever was bothering her, he tried to keep things light. He made up an outrageous story about winning the orange in a high stakes game of iroha-karuta that made both of them laugh as they tried to imagine the strange people who would want to play cards and gamble with a captain of the Shinsengumi while he was out on patrol.
Bit by bit, though, he became aware that there was something genuinely troubling her. She kept touching her forehead almost apprehensively and she seemed more than usually distracted. When he saw her eyes stray to the door for the third time in an hour, he knew instinctively who she was looking for and it bothered him more than he'd expected.
It also made him wonder what it was that he hadn't been told. So far nobody had said anything to him about the weird light he'd seen in the second floor window the night before while standing guard behind the Ikedaya. And he hadn't forgotten Hijikata coming out the back door not long after with the girl in his arms and Saitō trailing behind them looking too blank-faced even for Saitō – unless he was exaggerating that last part.
Chizuru had the anxious look on her face again; he must have stopped talking and spaced out. He pulled himself together, reached over and gently pushed a loose piece of hair back behind her ear. She started at the slight contact and he frowned. What had made her so nervous? It wasn't him, he was sure of that, and it surely wasn't Saitō, which was unfortunate in a way. It was likely something that had happened to her at the Ikedaya. He'd just have to be careful how he asked the question.
"Chizuru-chan?"
"Yes, Harada-san?"
He resisted the impulse to take her hand and find a way to erase the scared look that hovered at the back of her warm brown eyes. He was old enough and knew himself too well by now not to recognize his tendency to confuse kindness and concern with deeper affection – in either direction. He thought that this time it might be both, at least for him, but he'd made mistakes in the past that he didn't want to repeat.
"Is Saitō okay?"
"Saitō-san?" she asked, forehead creasing slightly.
"Well, he seemed pretty worried – for him – after what happened at the Ikedaya."
She looked down abruptly and he immediately knew that he shouldn't have mentioned anything about the Ikedaya; she obviously needed more time. And hadn't he told himself to keep it light just a few minutes ago? For a moment he felt a burst of something like panic from Chizuru, but she took a deep breath and tried to answer his almost-question.
"I'm not sure what happened, Harada-san. The man who hurt Okita-san was… very strange."
"Well, he must have been pretty strong to knock out Sōji. But at least he didn't kill him, right?"
He had meant the last comment to be reassuring, but the lurking fear in Chizuru broke loose again even more strongly and immediately Harada cursed himself. Moron! He could almost hear Hijikata in his head now: You said you could be patient – what the hell is this?! Come on, admit that you tried to find out what happened partly because you've been a bit scared too about what's going on. Now look what you've done you insensitive idiot! And I thought better of you…
Chizuru was still fighting to master her distress, but it was a losing battle. Waves of apprehension washed over Harada. What had frightened her so badly? Did Hijikata know about it?
"Th-That's true, Harada-san, the man decided not to k-kill Okita-san. But he did something I don't understand and when he l-left he said he'd come back for me later."
She was actually trembling. Fully conscious of his mistake, Harada held out his hands, palms up.
"Hey, hey now, little one. My bad. Shouldn't have gone there… Can I help?"
"G-Gomenasai, Harada-san. I don't know what's wrong with me. I'll be f-fine, I promise."
"Well, you don't look fine, but if you want, we can both pretend you're fine and talk about dango or something. Because it's hard to be scared when you talk about dango."
Chizuru managed a wavering smile but the tremors still increased. Whatever images were playing in her head were obviously deeply disturbing to her. But she still kept trying.
"That's… a good idea, Harada-san."
She drew in a long breath, still reaching desperately for composure. A moment later she was on her feet, eyes wide in shock.
"He's here!"
Harada was already standing, snatching up his sword from beside him. He wished his spear wasn't outside. Something like a living tidal wave of anger was closing in on him with inhuman speed.
"What the fuck?!" he yelled as his katana cleared its sheath faster than he'd ever drawn before.
The door slammed open and something moving almost too fast to see knocked his katana across the room with a force that numbed his fingers and sent pain flooding up his arm.
A moment later, Saitō's blade was at his throat.
"Explain," he demanded in a voice like ice. His blue irises were ringed with gold fire.
I guess I was right after all, Harada thought with black humour. I didn't see it coming.
Chizuru watched in speechless horror. She could feel the ache in her head returning and it made it difficult to think clearly.
As the seconds trickled by she became aware of running footsteps and a jumble of voices outside the open door. The unintelligible cacophony resolved itself suddenly.
"SHUT IT – ALL OF YOU - NOW!" The inimitable tones of the Vice Commander in a towering rage reduced the babble to silence.
"You're ALL here? Goddamn it Sōji – Heisuke – go back to bed! Heisuke, you're bleeding! Shinpachi could you – no, wait, you'd better stay. Fine, both of you, sit down and stay down. Heisuke, if you move, Sōji will kill you."
"What?!" cried two voices in unison, one alarmed and the other in disbelief.
"Hijikata-kun?" cut in a cool but commanding voice.
Sannan-san stood at the outer edge of a crowd that included almost all of the current captains of the Shinsengumi and the Vice Commander. Only the Commander and Inoue-san are missing now, thought Chizuru. They were out - something official? Not that she could make out all of the figures, she could just tell who was there.
"Sannan-san, we have a situation here," ground out Hijikata as Sannan joined him in the doorway to Chizuru's room.
Oddly enough, Hijikata-san's frustration cut through Chizuru's momentary daze. She moved very slowly forward a pace, so that Harada-san was no longer directly in front of her. Her first good look at Saitō-san's set face and gold-blue eyes shocked her, but although she kept her distance, she wanted to make it clear to everyone present that she was unharmed.
"I am not your enemy," Harada said softly to the man with the katana at his throat.
"She was in your care."
"I deeply regret my mistake. I will apologize to Yukimura-san."
Saitō-san's gaze moved to Chizuru's and she looked gravely back at him. A heartbeat later, the golden light flickered out of his eyes, replaced by momentary panic. Then he carefully replaced his sword in its sheath. Even from a few feet away she could feel the fever hit him. In fact, she could almost see it, like a living thing that crashed through his body without regard for raw nerves or a mind already clouded with pain.
Moving with less than his usual grace, the indigo-haired man closed the distance between them, ignoring Harada, who stepped slowly out of his way. Harada's face was pale and drawn. Hijikata put a light hand on Sannan's shoulder, and the Deputy Commander nodded; for now, they would just watch. Unlike Chizuru, Hijikata had seen the amber eyes flash with gold for an instant and he wanted nothing to upset what might be a delicate balance.
Saitō stopped in front of Chizuru. Perhaps things like this were better done on the edge of insanity, he thought, concentrating on keeping the raging pain in his head from knocking him off his feet. He raised his left hand and gently touched her cheek and the curve of her face. The skin was as soft as he had imagined and he smiled a little, since only she could see his face.
"I am… very sorry… Yukimura-san."
Caught entirely off-guard, Chizuru just stared at him. The slim, strong fingers stayed on her face for a moment, and she could feel both the callouses and the burning heat of fever. Before she could move, Saitō-san turned and crossed the room with measured steps and knelt carefully in front of Hijikata-san and Sannan-san, setting both his swords beside him.
"Deputy Commander. Vice Commander. I abandoned my patrol and drew my weapon against a fellow officer. Makoto ni moushiwake gozaimasen deshita. I will accept your judgment."
He pressed his hands and forehead to the floor. There was complete silence, broken by Sannan.
"Give your swords to Hijikata-fukuchō. We will consider your actions and your punishment and make a recommendation to the Commander upon his return from the Magistrate's Office. Hijikata-kun, escort Saitō to his quarters. Nagakura, I expect tonight's patrol has returned to the outer courtyard or is not far. Find them and tell them to stand down and then take Hijikata's place. Harada, return to your quarters and stay there; we will summon you when we are ready to hear your statement. Okita and Tōdō, return to your quarters now."
"The First Division Captain may be present at disciplinary hearings," Okita said quietly. "With respect, I would like to attend."
Hijikata frowned but said nothing. Sannan considered the request.
"You are not fit for duty, Okita-taichō. Your request is denied and under the circumstances no replacement will be permitted. We will reconsider in the morning."
Okita bit his lip, but didn't protest the decision. On the evidence, Sannan was correct. Without the rush of adrenaline that had carried him here – although why was a mystery to him – he wasn't sure he could make it back to his room. Heisuke was pale to the point of passing out.
"Sannan-san, I think Shinpachi will have to help Heisuke before he goes to stand down the patrol," Okita said respectfully.
Sannan nodded permission and Nagakura finally wrenched his eyes away from red-haired man standing silently in the middle of the room. The Second Division Captain felt more serious than he had in his life – except maybe the last time he'd crossed blades with Saitō in earnest, the night Serizawa-san had died. Now that was a disturbing thought. Looking at Heisuke, he realized that Sōji had been right to be worried. Blood was trickling down the kid's face from underneath the bandage.
Before Nagakura, Heisuke and Okita headed off down the walkway, Hijikata spoke.
"This isn't to be discussed."
There was no disagreement. Sannan exchanged a last look with Hijikata before leaving with Nagakura and the two wounded captains.
Chizuru still stood unmoving, eyes fixed on the dark, silent form kneeling in front of the Vice Commander.
With an effort, Harada walked away from her with a murmured farewell that he didn't think she heard. He was deeply in shock and at the same time so angry he could hardly breathe. Mostly, he was angry with himself, but he was also angry that he still didn't know what was going on. Well, except for one thing, and he couldn't do anything about that either. He managed a nod at Hijikata and went to his room as ordered. Wearily, he sat and leaned back against the wall by the door, spear held loosely across his knees. He'd left his sword behind, but it could wait. It had been a long day and it still wasn't over.
After Harada-san had left, Chizuru finally spoke.
"Is this really necessary, Hijikata-san?"
"Yes."
"Will you ask Yamazaki-san to look after him? He is very ill."
There was a long sigh from the Vice Commander. He was very tired, she thought, and very unhappy with what had happened. Finally, he replied:
"I will do everything I can, Yukimura. Please stay in your room and try to get some rest."
She nodded, determined to wait until after he had left with Saitō-san to shed any tears. She felt very much alone, for the first time in quite a while.
Hijikata-san picked up Saitō's katana and wakizashi. Without a word, the other man rose and preceded the taller man out of the room, dark blue eyes half-closed in pain, head bowed.
The Vice Commander met Chizuru's eyes as he turned to close the door.
"I really will do what I can." His voice was somber.
Chizuru bowed.
"Arigatou gozaimasu, Hijikata-san. Good night."
She watched the door slide closed and then pressed her hands to her face.
"I should have intervened sooner," Sen whispered to Kimigiku, eyes bright with tears.
"How could you have known? We've never seen anything like this. At best we could have guessed that the process could be very hard for a man as controlled as Saitō-taichō - which we did. The problem is that he's got too much power for a human and no experience or training."
The Oni princess and her bodyguard stood at the base of the sakura tree in the Shinsengumi's inner courtyard. Sen had felt Chizuru's rising fear from her home, and had debated stepping in that evening rather than waiting to meet the girl "accidentally" the next day as planned. But it had not been urgent until Chizuru's panic - and damn Kazama for a clumsy fool! - had reached the Shinsengumi captain most attuned to her and closest to realizing something like his full power. At that point, Sen and Kimigiku had both tried to catch up to Saitō before he reached the girl's room. The fact that they hadn't even been able to close the distance was troubling.
At least Sen had been able to calm him enough that he hadn't actually killed anyone, and he did have outstanding control, even half-mad. It was very rare for an Oni to have to deal with so much power at once because they grew into it a little at a time.
"I'll have to speak with the Vice Commander tonight," Sen concluded after considering Kimigiku's words.
"If we go now we can check on Saitō-taichō as well," noted her companion.
Minds made up, the two women walked cautiously toward the place where Sen could easily sense Saitō's wavering aura. The area was deserted, which wasn't surprising.
"Well, this isn't what I had in mind this morning," commented Sen wryly. "You may announce us."
"Yes Princess."
Kimigiku place herself between her mistress and the door, then called out a soft "shitsurei shimasu". An instant later she was facing eyes as purple as her own over a drawn sword.
"Good evening, Hijikata-fukuchō. May I present Sen-hime, Lady of Kyoto. We may be able to be of assistance to you."
A/Note: "Though this be madness, yet there is method in't." - Shakespeare, Hamlet (Act II, Scene II)
Please read and review (or start petitions asking for clemency for Saitō, whichever you prefer).