Zoe and I were in her room, looking at the stars over her balcony, both deep on our thoughts.
Now that things weren't as chaotic since two weeks ago that Shane came to our lives, I could think properly about the man making my anger appearing, surprisingly not getting me angry. It was more of a emotionless thought.
"Lexi, Zoe" Shane's voice snapped me from my thoughts, looking at him. My sister did the same "A rookie sniper could drop you like a deer"
"Good" we answered quietly.
Shane raised his eyebrows "Good?" He repeated, looking between us. He sighed looking at my sister "Alright. This is about Scott again"
Zoe looked at him incredulously before sighing, looking down "No, it's not" she answered quietly. I looked away, toward the sky "You were right about him. Stupid guy"
Shane tilted his head aside "So, what's wrong?" He asked. "Lexi?"
"Nothing" Zoe repeated.
"Seriously, Shane" I said, pursing my lips but not looking at him. "Nothing"
"Nothing. Okay" Shane wasn't convinced, stepping forward, leaning against the balcony and staying quiet for a few seconds, staring straightforward "You know, when I was little my mom left" I looked at him in surprise "My dad was a spec ops soldier like me. When I was eight, he... shipped me off to military school" he sighed softly "I guess he liked being a soldier more than he liked being a dad" our eyes filled with tears and I blinked them away without success. Zoe wasn't trying to blink her tears away, letting them fall down her cheeks. "One day, I get a letter. No more dad"
I gulped, whispering "That's terrible"
Shane shook his head slightly "The thing is, for a long time I thought that if I talked about it I was letting him down. Like I was supposed to be brave or something"
Tears started sliding down my cheeks and I nodded slowly, looking away.
Zoe's lip trembled, wiping away her tears, "Yeah"
I didn't wipe my tears, staring straightforward.
Shane looked between us, the oldest daughters of the family.
"It's okay to talk about your dad, girls" Shane said softly.
"I do miss him so much" Zoe began, nodding. I gnawed on my cheek "I don't know. I just... I wanna be strong for Lulu and Tyler. And Seth. And Lexi and my mom"
"That's such a big burden to carry" Shane said quietly, looking at my sister in sympathy.
Zoe started crying and nodding before looking at me.
"I don't miss him at all" I said slowly. Zoe seemed startled and shocked. I looked back at her and Shane, crying as well "I'm sorry, Zo. I just can't..."
"Why?" Shane asked softly.
"He left us" I admitted, knowing there was no turning back. I've wanted to let this go for a long time now and no one could stop us. No one could stop me from saying how I really felt about dad, "He was never here. I couldn't... I... It became easier for me to pretend I had no dad than just wait for him to return from every trip he made. And when he was here, he never... It was a small amount of time he spent with us before he had to leave" I sniffled, blinking rapidly "It made me sooo angry" I finally admitted. "And it was the only way to get him to stay at home for more time than usual. So you, and Lulu and Tyler and Seth and Peter and mom could spend more time with him. That was the only way to keep him at home"
"Oh, my god" Zoe breathed crying harder on realization "That's where your anger issues comes from"
"I'm sorry" I said looking down, silently crying. "I want to miss him but I can't"
Zoe stood, walking to me, wrapping her arms around me, both of us crying silently.
Shane looked between us sadly. "And you didn't say anything to not upset your siblings. Both big burdens to carry, girls"
We nodded as he wrapped his arms around us, letting us cry on his shoulders.
"It's okay for you girls to feel this way" He told us softly. After a few seconds, the phone rang and Shane sighed "I'll get it"
I looked at Shane wide eyed in relief and happiness.
After answering the phone, Shane gave us good news.
"Are you serious?" I asked breathlessly.
Shane smiled "Yes"
I squealed, clapping my hands and running towards the others.
"Seth! Zoe! Guys" I knocked on Seth's doorframe, pulling away the blanket he was using as a door "Guess what?" I asked excitedly, Seth looked up. I grinned "Mom's coming home"
Seth's eyes widened, standing up "When?"
I smiled, backing away, heading to Lulu's room, calling out loudly to him, "Tomorrow! She's coming home tomorrow. Tell Zoe!"
"When did you talk to her?" Seth asked me as he walked to Zoe's room "Zo! Mom's coming home"
"Lulu!" I opened her door as Zoe went for Peter "Mom's coming home"
"She is?" Lulu asked me in excitement.
"Uh-huh" I nodded smiling.
"Mom's coming home?!" Lulu exclaimed excitedly, hugging me around the waist making me smile widely.
"Peter, mommy's coming" Zoe told Peter, smiling.
The five of us hugged each other in the middle of the hallway smiling and talking to each other about mom returning home and what to doto welcome her back.
I looked up, seeing Shane and smiled at him in thanks.
Shane nodded curtly, smiling.